BioWare owns all but my character's and her dog's names. : )
Tomorrow is my birthday and friends are taking me out to lunch, so I may not have a chapter out like I usually do. : )
And I am struggling a little with writer's block. I know where I want to go, just not sure how to get there. So, I hope you will bear with me while I figure it out and hopefully still keep you entertained.
Thank you all for your feedback and support. I must admit I get a little nervous writing encouragement so uplifting and keeps the muse going, so big virtual hugs. : )
So, if you are alive and your enemy thinks you are dead, what trouble can you cause?
Fergus and Zev each grabbed one of Oghren's arms and half carried, half drug the heavy drunken dwarf to his room, promising to make sure he would be all right. Kai still felt badly for causing them all such misery and worry. Oghren hadn't been that drunk in a long time, and it was due to her letting her guard down.
Wynne had pulled all the pillows from behind her back and gently laid her down, tucking the blankets around her and kissing her forehead. "Sleep, you will have a big day tomorrow. Teagan and Eamon will want to see you, and we will need to make plans." Argus got down off the bed to sleep by Wynne's feet.
Wynne sat down in the chair Zev had occupied and pulled out some small needles and fine yarn. As Kai felt her lids starting to droop into sleep, she realized that Wynne was knitting a little bootie while humming under her breath.
When Kai awoke the next morning, the chair that had held Wynne was empty. And when she turned over, it was to find Zev, wrapped in a blanket, asleep on top of the covers next to her. She figured that he would be shadowing her even more closely now.
His face was relaxed and as peaceful as she had ever seen it. The mask of control that he wore, even when joking and lighthearted, was gone. Kai wished that he could have that peace more often. His life had been so hard. The Crows had not beaten or tortured the little boy out of him completely. Almost as if he knew she was thinking about him, his pale eyes flew open and stared into hers. The mask was automatic and settled like a second skin. "Good morning, Zev," she smiled at him. "I trust you, you know, you could sleep under the covers."
"My dear Gray Warden, your trust in me has always been misplaced, or have you not learned this by now?" He gave a slight smile, but she sensed he was only half joking. Kai gave him a puzzled look and reached out to tug his earlobe playfully, hoping he would explain. He simply caught her hand in his and set it down on the bed before releasing it to untangle himself from his blanket and rise.
Kai felt her cheeks flushing and found herself feeling stung and a little embarrassed. It was as if she had propositioned him and he had rejected her. He was angry with her, not that she really blamed him. The poisoning was her own stupid fault for not keeping her senses on the alert. She had let her nervousness about meeting Wynne cloud her thoughts. She hadn't been as wary as she should have been. Had she been, she might have been more suspicious of the servant's sudden illness and her replacement. She felt herself sighing and biting her lower lip. She didn't know how she was going to make it up to all of them. She supposed one way might be to survive and not get knocked out again.
She grunted and rolled over the other way, throwing back the covers and attempting to stand. The world tilted and spun. Another familiar feeling, she really needed to stop getting herself into situations where she was out of it for days or weeks.
Zev caught her and angrily gave her a little shake. "What is it you think you are doing, my dear Warden?" his tone was even and cool, as if he wanted to yell at her and was keeping control, barely. Kai felt her eyes tearing up of their own volition, and her lip wanted to tremble. What was the matter with her? She seemed to be so raw emotionally and not like herself at all.
Suddenly, she found herself crushed in his arms as he whispered her name over and over again. He leaned her away from him with another little shake and laid her back in bed, piling pillows behind her and pulling the covers over her lap. When he sat down and finally looked at her, she saw tears in the corners of his eyes. She touched his shoulder this time, and he did not push her hand away. "I am so sorry, Zev, I know it was my fault. I should have been more wary, less trusting. I knew Anora was clever, but not that sneaky. I..."
His cynical laugh interrupted her babbling. He grabbed her hand and held it under his chin for a moment. "I should be asking your forgiveness, my friend, I am the assassin, I should have been there to watch for such things. I know too well the art of death, and the people who employ it. It is I who should have seen what was happening and either stopped it or gotten the antidote more quickly." He put his head down on the bed, his forehead resting on her hand. "It is because I was not where I should have been that I almost lost my only true friend."
Well, aren't we just a pair? Both taking the weight of the world onto their shoulders, and all the guilt of their decisions, the should haves and the could haves. Kai was struck by how alike they were. She had become what she hated to save what she loved. Zev, poor Zev, hadn't even had that luxury. He had become what he hated, no matter how much he said he liked being an assassin, because he had been forced to do so. Just to survive. Neither of them had had a choice. Suddenly, part of her wanted to find and kill the person who sold him into slavery to the Crows, if they weren't dead already.
She started to ball up a fist in anger, but instead made herself place it on his head in comfort. She decided to take his usual tack, humor, "Let's face it. You just wanted to see me in my small clothes while they dressed me like a doll, and you are sorry you missed it." And she was glad when he played along, even if it was obvious that he was still upset.
"Si, I love seeing beautiful women get dressed. It can be as enticing as watching one get undressed. They have this place in Antiva City where the women start off with tassels and..." Kai put a finger on his lips and stopped him, "You are incorrigible." He kissed her fingertip, but she could tell his heart wasn't in their usual friendly flirting. A part of her hurt for him, but she knew he would have to work through it himself.
"I am going to go get Teagan and Eamon. They wanted to speak to you when you woke up." Zev turned to go.
"You mean if the Ashes of Andraste worked?" Kai asked him.
"You know about that?" He turned to her with a surprised look on his face.
"Remind me to tell you about the Fade sometime," she smiled at him. "So, would you fetch Lady Isolde, too? I owe her my thanks." Zev just nodded and left the room.
Kai touched her flat stomach. She was still having trouble getting used to the idea of being pregnant, a mother, her. She was suddenly attacked by panic, what if she was horrible at it, what if she messed it up? She couldn't even keep herself out of trouble, how was she supposed to raise a child? Added to that, she was going to have to do it without Alistair here? Her heart wanted to claw its way out of her throat.
"Well not completely without me, love, calm down," Alistair's voice sounded in her ear.
"Wondering how you can be a mother?" Wynne's amused voice asked her. Kai jumped. She hadn't heard her come in.
"I think there has been a big mistake, Wynne, I can't do this," Kai gulped big snatches of air.
Wynne just placed the tray she had brought on Kai's lap and stroked her hair. "Ah, I'm afraid it's a little late for that. You can't send it back to the shop," Wynne laughed.
Kai found herself crying again. "What is wrong with me? Is it my coming back from the Fade? I can't seem to keep my emotions steady. I cry or get really mad or both, I thought it was grief at Alistair's death, but it isn't just that. I feel so raw; I don't feel like myself!"
Wynne only smiled and handed her a napkin to wipe her eyes and nose with. "My dear, you aren't yourself, you are going to be a mother. And I am afraid this is all part of it, the body goes through many changes, and those changes have been happening whether you were awake for them or not. You know, it isn't like the Chantry tells you." Wynne continued to smile as she poured Kai a cup of water.
"I don't just dream of my baby, and the good Fade spirits don't put it in my arms?" Kai laughed, remembering when Wynne had made Alistair blush and get flustered with that "where babies really come from" conversation.
"That is because you and Wynne are both evil people," he spoke in her ear. She could hear the smile in his voice.
She felt marginally better. Well, at least she wasn't going crazy. It didn't change how easily she felt like crying, but it was a small relief to know why. She had never had the chance to talk to her mother about pregnancy or babies. It was good she had Wynne who could tell her these things. She still did a mental squirm when she thought "pregnancy." Okay, she really needed to stop now, or the panic would come back.
There was a knock at the door, and Wynne answered it while Kai looked at the tray. It had a thinned stew and a piece of toasted bread with cheese on it. She took her spoon and began to eat.
Teagan came in the door first and sat in the chair closest to her head, taking her hand and brushing it with his lips, "Dear lady, you frightened us." The "yet again" was implied in his tone and had Kai blushing as she set down the spoon.
Isolde followed Teagan with Eamon coming behind. "Lady Isolde, I am told I owe you my gratitude and my thanks. It was your thinking of the Ashes of Andraste that saved me. I can't thank you enough." Kai felt herself blushing harder. She held out a hand to Isolde and was pleased to find that she received the woman's hand in her own.
Isolde bent down and hugged her, whispering in her ear, "I am so sorry about what I said. You were right; he was a better person than I am, and I can never make up for what I did."
"You did make up for it and more by saving me and his child, Isolde. And I will never forget that. Thank you." Kai kissed the cheek she had slapped once, my, how we travel in circles.
Eamon smiled at her and grazed her knuckles with his lips after Isolde sat down. "I am so glad to see you awake," he smiled at her. As if anticipating her next question, Eamon took some papers from the inside of his shirt and handed them to Kai. They were the letter and the contract signed by Anora arranging her death. Kai skimmed them.
"These will not be enough to get Anora off the throne, will they?" Kai sighed.
"I am afraid not, Warden. We need the 'why' she would want you dead. And we have some months to go before that proof arrives, yes?" Eamon gestured towards her. They all smiled at her.
"May I say congratulations, dear lady?" Teagan gave her hand a friendly tug.
"Well, I guess you are all aware that we don't have to go searching far and wide for another Theirin after all." Kai just laid a hand on her belly and smiled.