Chapter Six: Searching

Kitty Softpaws sat bound, gagged and blindfolded in the tent. She could vaguely make out some voices in multiple languages, though English and Spanish were notably absent, perhaps to intentionally keep her in the dark. There were men speaking Arabic, German, and a lengthy conversation that had to be just outside the tent in French.

"Beauchat," she thought, "Puss was right about that snail-eating bastard."

Just then, she heard footsteps pressing down on the sand, entering the tent. The blindfold came off, revealing the goateed knight and two soldiers.

"Good evening, Kitty Softpaws," said the knight, "I am Sir Mordred, the top lieutenant of the Fisher King."

"So what," said Kitty.

Mordred eyed the stove in the tent that heated the area, sinisterly gazing at the fire as he clutched his sword.

"We can do this two ways," said Mordred, "we can be reasonable," he paused, "or we can be unreasonable. Your choice."

"I'm telling you," said Kitty, trying to hide her fear under her tough-girl facade, "I don't know anything."

"Why do you protect Puss," asked Mordred, "he's done nothing for you outside of sex. How could you possibly care?"

Kitty hissed in anger, causing one of the soldiers to slap her.

"You love him," said Mordred, "don't you."

—-

Meanwhile in the desert, Puss In Boots, Aladdin and Brother Carlos sat around a campfire, discussing their plans.

"You care about her," said Brother Carlos to Puss, "don't you."

Puss said nothing as he stared somberly into the fire.

"Perhaps there is more good in you than I have been led to believe," retorted Brother Carlos, "there is someone on God's Earth you actually love."

"I can't explain it," said Puss, "but as much as I have sworn to detach from everyone," he continued, "especially women, I just can't stay away from her."

"Cheer up Puss," said Aladdin, "at worst, Kitty falls for the frenchie and you have an excuse to move on."

—-

Mordred stuck the blade of his sword into the fire, grinning as the blade began to glow orange.

"Wait," pleaded Kitty as the soldiers grabbed her, "you don't need to do that!"

"You will tell me everything," said Mordred, "and your death will be quick and merciful," he shifted to a more relaxed but disappointed tone, "unfortunate, as I enjoy the game."

"Tú psicópata," cried Kitty.

—-

"Something tells me that's not what's happening," replied Puss to Aladdin.

"You really do like her," said Aladdin.

"Why do I attract so many sociopaths," thought Puss, "is this like, some sort of divine punishment or something?"

"Any suggestions," asked Puss aloud, hoping to change the subject and make progress.

"I've heard talks of a camp," said Aladdin, "about two miles east of the city. Very hush-hush. Might be the place."

"Anything else," asked Puss, "time is important here."

Meanwhile, Brother Carlos looked into the sky, examining the stars and constellations with his notebook.

"Padre," said Puss, "now is not the time for nocturnal daydreaming."

"It's not daydreaming," replied Brother Carlos, "it's called astrocartography."

"Astro-pornography," asked a puzzled Puss.

"Astrocartography," said Brother Carlos, "it's the science of using the stars as a map. A very real thing."

"Interesting," said Puss, "but how would that help?"

"By figuring out where we are," replied Brother Carlos, "we can figure out where we need to go."

"How do you know all of this," asked Puss.

"Well you see," said Brother Carlos, "church doctrine states that by understanding the physical world, since God made it," he continued, staring in fascination at a particularly bright star, "we may better understand God."

"Oh," said Puss, who then looked in the direction that the scholarly monk was, "what are we looking at?"

"I have never heard of that star," said Brother Carlos, "and it's not in any charts."

"That's strange," said Puss, "it looks, bigger."

"Almost like it's closer to the earth," added Aladdin.

"What direction is that," asked Puss.

"East," replied Brother Carlos, "and something inside me is telling us to go that way."

"Allah be praised," said Aladdin, "the rumors might be accurate."

"This feels weirdly," said Puss, "familiar."

"We should follow it," said Aladdin.

"I agree," said Brother Carlos.

"Si," said Puss, "let's go."

They doused the fire, grabbed their gear, and trekked to the east across the desert.

—-

Outside the tent, Beauchat and Sir Mordred conversed about the results.

"The cat is too strong willed," said Mordred, "but I still suspect she knows something."

"So, you didn't kill her," replied Beauchat.

"No," said Mordred, "too valuable."

"Well perhaps we can try the French method," said Beauchat, "get her to open up willingly. Besides," he smirked, "I enjoy the game."

"Do not forget your job," said Mordred, "You are to interrogate her, not date her."

"Why not both," said Beauchat, "I like to take things from Puss In Boots."

"Just do your job," snapped Mordred.

Beauchat smiled and entered the tent. Kitty was no longer gagged or blindfolded, but still bound. Her deep blue eyes gazed angrily at the french cat. Beauchat liked the challenge.

"Bonjour," said Beauchat, "I am Emile Beauchat, treasure-hunter and high-roller."

"Vete al diablo," snapped Kitty.

"Please, Madame," said Beauchat, "no need for vulgarity. Please, talk to me."

"You betrayed your best friend," hissed Kitty, "you are a monster."

"Please," said Beauchat as he pulled out a small dagger, "tell me what Puss has done for you outside the bedroom."

Kitty closed her eyes and tensed up, only to feel the ropes cut around her paws. She then opened her eyes and loosened up.

"Puss is the only man I can trust in a fight," said Kitty, "he's the best cat with a sword in the whole world."

"He may be good," said Beauchat, "but so am I. What else?"

"Duloc," said Kitty, "tell me about that."

—-

Puss shuddered as he, Aladdin and Brother Carlos followed the star eastward, climbing the sand dunes. He felt as though someone was intruding on him, though he couldn't see it.

"What's wrong," asked Aladdin.

"Beauchat," the word appeared in his head, "Oh, I am going to kill him now."

"Careful Puss," said Brother Carlos, "do not give in to wrath. And have some faith in Kitty."

—-

"I had no idea Lord Farquaad was such a sensitive man," lied Kitty, as everyone in the known world knew of his bigoted ideology and cruelty to magical beings. "He must be a great friend of yours."

"Yes," said Beauchat, "but I didn't quite flesh into his perfect world. It was more about business."

"How could you drift so far away from Puss," said Kitty, "you two have so much in common."

"Oh, simple," said Beauchat, preparing to tell his highly exaggerated story, "he was too hot headed and began to cheat me out of the rewards."

"No," said Kitty, pretending to be shocked, as she knew while Puss could be arrogant and self-serving, he was not one to betray his allies.

"There was this girl I was head-over-heels in love with in Venice when we were there for a job," said Beauchat, " and he slept with her and her sister."

"Really," asked Kitty, as she found that story rather believable, knowing Puss. "Did he know?"

"Most likely," said Beauchat.

"Liar," thought Kitty. Puss is a known player, and giving his bragging nature, Beauchat had to know about it.

"But he also repeatedly accused me of stealing from him," said Beauchat.

"Didn't you," asked Kitty.

"Only after he started pointing his finger," said Beauchat, "so it didn't feel wrong at that point."

"You are evil," thought Kitty, feeling a weird sense of immunity to his charms. Didn't matter what people chose to believe, she only really had eyes for one man, or cat.

"After years of his bragging, extortion, and seducing every single woman I have ever looked at," he continued, "I had enough. Duloc was my idea and Puss was too scared to go along with it until I mentioned the paycheck."

"Yeah," thought Kitty, "that is in character for him."

"I almost felt bad for him when he got caught," said Beauchat.

"Almost," asked Kitty in disgust.

"When someone has been taking advantage of you," said Beauchat, "you really want to see them suffer after a while."

"I almost miss the other guy," thought Kitty, preparing herself for a long night.

—-

"I never thought I'd see the day," said Aladdin to Puss as they continued across the desert, "that you'd actually come back for a woman."

"Well," said Puss, playing it off, "she does give the best handjobs," he continued, thinking about all the bedroom dances he and Kitty did over the years with a smile on his face, "and blowjobs, and the missionary position, and doggie style, and 69, and…"

"Keep that up and I'll count this as a confession," said Brother Carlos.

"Sorry Padre," said Puss sheepishly.

Puss then looked at Aladdin, who believed what Puss said about his and Kitty's escapades, but clearly suspected something else.

"She can also sword fight," added Puss, "and dance."

"Puss," said Aladdin.

"Okay, fine," relented Puss. "I don't know what the fuck happened on the quest for the golden goose," he said rather emotionally, "I'm in love with her, alright! Happy? Kitty Softpaws is the only woman besides Mama Imelda that I can actually care about! And I don't know why!"

Aladdin looked at Puss, who was clearly rattled. Having known him for years, the man had never seen Puss show too much emotion. He loved the facade too much. Maybe it was the fact that Kitty had gone missing that caused cracks to form in his persona, but it was clear that he was telling the truth.

"She's the only girl," said Puss, "that could ever get to me. Maybe it's her prowess, or the fucking, or the dancing. Or the fucking."

"You said fucking twice," said Aladdin.

"That's not the point," said Puss. "Anyhow," he continued, "unlike your run-of-the-mill groupie, Kitty Softpaws can keep her personality intact around me. She doesn't just turn to jelly when I open my mouth. Believe me," he said, "I've seen it."

"Puss," said Brother Carlos, who overheard the entire conversation, "you are a great mystery."

"I guess that's a compliment," said Puss.

"Your guess is as good as mine," muttered the monk.

"Do you think," said Puss, "that I'm a bad person?"

"You want the truth," asked Brother Carlos.

"Si," said Puss.

"You," said the monk, "like all mortals, are capable of good, but struggle with sin and vice. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"Padre," said Puss, "I'm a drinker, a gambler, a player and a killer. What 'good' could you possibly see in me?"

"Kitty Softpaws," said Brother Carlos, "she seems to prove an example of the goodness inside you. You are known for being… promiscuous."

"So," said Puss.

"Yet," continued the monk, "you view Kitty as more than an object of lust. She is an individual with agency in your eyes. That is a good thing to think about someone."

"Yes," said Puss, "exactly."

"Okay," said Aladdin to Brother Carlos, "I think that might have been what Puss was trying to say."

"Alright," said Puss to Brother Carlos, "so does this mean I am a good person?"

"You can be," said Brother Carlos, "but not without some humility."

"Well," thought Puss, "he's not wrong."

—-

Beauchat had been getting nowhere with Kitty. No matter what he tried, be it seduction, lies or bribery, Kitty Softpaws was far too strong willed to fall for it.

"Kitty," said Beauchat, "you are like a rose."

"Really," said Kitty pretending to be flattered.

"Yes," said Beauchat, "a real beauty to look at but an ABSOLUTE THORN IN MY SIDE! Tell me where your boyfriend is or so help me," he continued angrily, "I will hack you up into little pieces and mail you to him!"

Kitty simply smiled and said, "I knew it! You were just trying to see if I would talk. Well sorry to disappoint you, Monsieur Creme-de-Crop," she continued, "I am not the kind of dumb bimbo that you are used to!"

"Merci," said Beauchat, "I am going to bring back Sir Mordred. Talk or not, I want to hear some noise coming from this tent!"

—-

"Looks like it's hovering above here," said Aladdin, pointing at the star from the bottom of a sand dune.

"Strange," said Puss, "I thought stars didn't behave like this."

"They don't," said Brother Carlos, "this is beyond rational explanation."

Aladdin, out of curiosity, climbed the dune, looked over it and said to his companions, "Check this out, there's a camp here."

"Now I get it," said Brother Carlos, "but it's not even Christmas."

"I hope to God that Kitty's safe," said Puss as he and the monk went up to the top to meet Aladdin.

"I think God feels the same way," said Brother Carlos.

"Well then," said Puss, "let's get her back."

—-

Author's Note: Sorry for not posting in awhile, I've just had a lot going on. I fully intend on finishing this story, which will probably be a better Indiana Jones story than the crap that Lucasfilm is releasing this week (up yours KK). And yes, that was a reference to the Christmas star (I had to think of something). Thanks for sticking with me.