This turned out WAY longer than expected, so I divided it into two parts. Enjoy!
She always hated this part, Emma thinks, as she sits on the edge of the exam table, wearing nothing except for a thin hospital gown that had been provided for her examination that morning. She decides not to dwell on the fact that she feels unsettlingly exposed and instead distracts herself with the cherished hand cradled in her lap. If her fiancée's sweating palm is any indication, Regina is experiencing similar anxiety about the approaching ultrasound.
"I don't know who's more nervous, you or me."
"I don't care much for hospitals," Regina responds blankly.
Her forlorn expression combined with that fixed gaze alerts the younger woman to the fact that Regina is far away, lost in some distant memory.
"Are you ready for this?" Emma asks, lightly squeezing her fiancée's hand to lure her back to the present.
Longing brown eyes meet blue.
"I meant what I said, Emma. No matter what we learn today, this is our child."
With fresh tears clouding her vision, Emma offers a tremulous smile. "I really do love you."
The older woman swallows the lump in her throat, determined to keep her own emotions in check. "And I love you." She seals her conviction with a chaste kiss.
Imagining the treasure her beloved is guarding, the queen whispers against the thin fabric of the gown, just above Emma's pelvis, "And I love you too," and places a feathery kiss atop Emma's barely visible bump.
Maybe it's the hormones that have made her ultra-sensitive as of late, Emma thinks. But, honestly, she imagines that she would have to be made of stone not to be moved by Regina's loving gesture. She captures the older woman's lips in a fervent kiss.
"What prompted that?" the breathless queen asks, when her lips are released.
"Everything"
Regina uses the proximity to her advantage. She grasps the younger woman's face in a similar fashion in order to gently wipe away her lover's tears with the pads of her thumbs, as she soothes.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying," Emma acknowledges.
"You don't need a reason," Regina assures. She's sees no need for elaboration and begins easing Emma's nerves with her dutiful lips, once again.
Several minutes later, the enthralled women are startled by a knock on the door. Abruptly, they release each other as though a fireball had suddenly ignited between them.
"Shit," Emma mutters, quickly replacing one side of the hospital gown that had fallen, back onto her shoulder. Regina's intensity had her so captivated that she hadn't even register a draft on her breast.
She catches the older woman's eye. A slight nod informs her that she may grant the doctor entrance.
"Come in."
Without hesitation, the door opens, revealing the way too chipper for a Tuesday, Doctor Whale.
"Emma Swan," he greets.
"Hey Doc," she replies, a bit too enthusiastically. She knows that the paranoia is probably unfounded. How could he possibly known where her hands were when he knocked? She is entirely aware of the blush spreading across her features. Why to play it cool, Swan.
Fortunately Whale is wholly immersed in the contents of the thick folder in his hand and doesn't notice the compromised state of the brunette woman. Regina's back is still toward the door, as she continues to fumble with the last remaining buttons. At least her pants are back where they should be, she reflects. Infuriating blouse buttons are the least of her worries, as she attempts to dispel all evidence of the most recent escapade.
"How are you today?" the oblivious doctor asks, his nose still buried in the file-folder.
"I'm good."
The more direct response would have been ''distracted''. At the moment she is too concerned about her fiancée's humiliation to care about such a seemingly trivial matter. After all, it was her fault that Regina was practically half-naked when the physician walked in. She is truly regretting the fact that she put her fiancée in such a compromising position. Regina has every reason to be upset with her.
As he continues to re-familiarize himself with Emma's chart, the doctor moves the rolling-stool closer and casually acknowledges, without averting his gaze, "Regina."
Fastening the last button, the older woman turns. "Whale"
The exchange might appear detestable to an observer, but the queen and the doctor actually have a solid relationship. They recognized long ago that they get along better with as little interaction as possible, which suits them. Plus, Regina's sole concern this morning is the blonde woman seated on the exam table.
Once he had gathered all necessary information, Whale places the chart on the counter, next to the sink, before addressing Emma with purpose. "So I read in your chart that you're pregnant."
That came out rather accusatory, Emma supposes. Nonetheless, she maintains composure and repeats what she had told the technician, who brought her back to the room. "Well, I took a home pregnancy test, several actually," she explains. "They were all positive."
"How long ago was that?"
"When I saw my first positive test?" When Whale nods, Emma searches her memory for the exact date. "Almost a month ago, I think."
Prompted by Emma's uncertainty, the queen intervenes. "Tomorrow will be one month."
To the insecure woman's great relief, Regina gently begins rubbing soft circles on Emma's lower-back. Reassured by this display of affection, she leans into the trusted hand. The proximity combined with Regina's delicate touch quiets any residual fear she may have been experiencing at the thought of inadvertently giving this woman a reason to leave her. Though Regina never showed a particular aptitude for reading minds, Emma is certain that the queen is reading hers now when Regina wraps her arm around the younger woman's waist and rests her weight on the exam table beside her.
"When was the first day of your last period?"
"I'm not sure."
Her periods had always been a little irregular, so they were difficult to track. When was the last one? As she searches her memory for a date, she begins to perspire.
"I can't remember." It must've been while she and Chris were still together. No, she doesn't want to think about him now. Why is he still tormenting her? If it hadn't been for Regina's anchoring touch, in this moment, Emma swears that she would be having a full-blown panic attack. She offers what she believes will be an acceptable answer. "My periods are a little irregular."
"Did you get one in September?"
"Maybe…"
"Have you experienced any spotting?"
"No," she answers uncertainly.
What does this guy want from me? Take it easy, Swan, you know why he needs to ask you these questions, she reminds herself. This isn't your first pregnancy. Before shutting down completely, she catches another question.
"Have you experienced any morning sickness?"
The queen suppresses a sudden urge to vomit.
"No."
Whale continues, "…any bodily changes that you've noticed?'
"No."
After so many negative responses to the tell-tale signs of early pregnancy Emma considers that perhaps she made a mistake. "It's actually very frustrating. My body's not letting me know that I'm pregnant."
"What led you to take a home pregnancy test?"
Before answering, Emma grasps the free hand of the woman sitting next to her.
"I just had a feeling."
Regina considers the familiar hand, as though it is the most mesmerizing thing her eyes have ever beheld. She carefully traces each slender digit with her own fingers as the interrogation continues.
"How long have you two been trying to conceive?"
Regina answers this time, her confidence restored. "…since the middle of September."
Whale rises to begin the physical exam.
"Excuse me, Regina."
Emma feels a sudden chill against her spine. She wasn't at all ready to lose contact, especially since she was so comfortable, snug and secure in the arms of her queen.
Sensing Emma's longing, the older woman doesn't stray far. She keeps yearning eyes focused on the younger woman as Whale begins the physical examination.
The situation is exacerbated when Emma feels the cold metal of the stethoscope against her bare back.
"Deep breath"
Emma is careful not to let any distress show, realizing it would only trigger the already agitated queen.
Standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, Regina does her best to remain calm for Emma's benefit, though she is having tremendous difficulty.
After he had checked her lungs, heart, and glands, Whale instructs, "Lie back on the table."
An instant wave of terror breaks over the compliant woman. Perhaps it was the wording that she found so unsettling.
Apparently this disturbed Regina too. She returns to Emma's side, determined to comfort her reason for living. "I'm right here," she reminds as she helps the younger woman onto her back. She is absolutely perplexed as to how Emma could appear so composed.
When Whale removes the collapsible stirrups from their concealed position the younger woman immediately protests.
"I thought I was going to have an abdominal ultrasound today."
"Who told you that?"
"No one…" She hadn't anticipated that she would be required to justify her statement. "I just thought…" But she has no idea how to follow. She returns to the only thing that makes sense. "Regina?"
Normally the queen would never stoop to beg a commoner, but when it comes to her princess, her love has no exceptions. "Couldn't she have an abdominal ultrasound?"
"At this early stage of pregnancy, I'm assuming it's early, it's unlikely the transducer would be able to give us any information."
Whale's casualness with regard to her fiancée's distress is almost too much for the protective queen. Thankfully, before her temper gets out of control she feels a quieting hand envelop her clenched fist and relaxes.
The poised young woman voices her acceptance. "I understand."
"Honey—" Regina begins, but her fears are quickly thwarted by the strongest human being she has ever known.
"It's okay," Emma whispers, offering Regina a smile reflective of the peace in her heart. "We're going to see our baby."
With grateful tears stinging her eyes Regina nods.
After Emma positions her legs in the stirrups, Whale asks, "Are you comfortable?"
With her eyes closed, the younger woman nods. "I'm alright."
The vigilant queen is startled when she hears the snap of latex gloves over confident hands. Instantly, she feels the bile rises in her throat again. All she can do now is watch helplessly as the doctor lubricates the probe for insertion.
Emma's eyes remain closed as she mentally prepares herself for what could prove impossible.
It absolutely tears Regina apart to see the woman she loves in such a helpless position. Plus, she can only imagine Emma's internal struggle. In hopes of providing some solace she places a knowing kiss on her beloved's forehead.
Emma opens her eyes just long enough to return a warm smile.
Both women are snapped out of their trance by the oblivious physician.
"Can you scoot your bottom down just a little bit?"
Regina uses her free hand to wipe away the evidence of her humanity. She is determined to be strong for the woman she loves.
Emma continues to impress her queen, taking it all in stride as she obliges.
"Is there better?"
"Perfect," the doctor confirms, a little too creepily for Regina's preference.
The queen is unsure if she will be able to suppress the urge to vomit much longer if Victor continues to conduct himself so casually around her cherished girl. Fortunately for her, Emma senses her partner's anguish, instantly setting her at ease.
"Are you okay?"
The older woman grips Emma's hand more securely and places a reassuring kiss upon the younger woman's knuckles. "I'm okay, honey. You don't need to worry about me."
"Just relax, Emma," the doctor reminds.
Emma closes her eyes again and lets out a long slow exhale in an effort to quiet her nerves.
As Regina distracts herself by tucking blonde locks behind Emma's adorable ear she notices the younger woman wince. And—did she squeeze her hand? If she's in pain, surely she would let her know.
Emma was determined not to tense up today, though her body clearly has other plans.
"Try to relax your muscles Emma."
Regina doesn't like the sound of that comment at all.
"Stop what you're doing." She threatens the doctor's personal space.
Backing off immediately, Whale voices his confusion. "What happened?"
"Get away from her!"
Because of uncontrolled tears, Regina's tone was not as commanding as she had hoped, but at least she was able to get the point across before the doctor made a quick escape.
She is positively vibrating after that outburst. In the Enchanted Forest she would bully helpless peasants on the daily and without remorse. However, after Emma came into her life, Regina no longer had the luxury of not caring. She wanted to be better. Emma gave her a reason to be better. She doesn't have time for regrets now. Her angel needs her.
Emma is still lying in the compromised position, with her legs suspended. Though her face remains hidden from sight, Regina can tell that Emma is crying.
Regina's voice cracks when she tries to speak. "Emma?" She keeps her tone soft and reassuring, as she embraces her precious girl. "It's okay. Honey, it's okay."
Emma grips Regina's shoulders and buries her face in the older woman's neck.
Regina clutches the younger woman as close as possible, as Emma continues to sob.
"I knew this would happen," Emma confesses.
"It's not your fault," Regina promptly reminds.
She carefully helps Emma out of the stirrups and back into a seated position.
Safe in the protection of the woman who would never judge her, the disgraced princess voices her shame. "I thought I was getting better."
"You are," Regina affirms, with absolute conviction in her voice. "You are getting better and you will continue to get better." Unsure as to whether her words are having an affect, Regina tries a different tactic. "Emma, I'm so proud of you." That did it. She decides to build on the foundation she'd already laid. "I was a nervous wreck before. But you—" she pauses to catch her breath. "—you were incredible. If you were nervous, I couldn't tell."
Emma considers this prospect. Perhaps she's not as transparent as she thought. "I tried to convince myself that I wasn't."
Regina doesn't know what to do with that admission. Something is very wrong. She's afraid to ask, but she does so anyway. "Are you okay?"
Still not fully recovered, Emma shakes her head.
In an attempt to keep her tears at bay, Regina swiftly averts her eyes, searching the room for the fitted jacket, part of her suit, which she had removed earlier. Once located, she wraps it around Emma's bare bottom to keep her warm. "These useless sacks don't cover anything," the frustrated queen remarks, holding the fabric of her jacket in place, against Emma's hips.
Emma's lower lip begins to quiver. "Regina," she squeaks.
The queen hugs her love again. "I'm right here. I've got you now." Automatically she begins to rock the younger woman as Emma cries harder. "That was one of the scariest moments of my life," Regina admits. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she continues, "I can't stand seeing you in pain."
Emma lets Regina's comment affect her before voicing a sudden realization. "I wasn't scared." When a wide-eyed Regina meets her gaze, Emma elaborates. "I wasn't, because you were with me." In this moment any residual fear and anxiety about the future is neutralized. "I don't think I'll ever be afraid of anything again."
"I don't care about protocol," Regina announces, springing to action. "I am not letting you sit around in this monstrosity any longer."
She retrieves Emma's, actually their shared sweater from the chair over which it had been draped and offers it to the younger woman.
"He's probably going to make me take it off when he comes back," Emma comments, as she slides the hospital gown off her shoulders.
"If he says anything, I'll rip his arm off and beat him to death with it."
Though Regina's delivery had been rather sinister, Emma is unable to suppress a delighted smile at the mental image conjured by Regina's comment.
"I'm serious," the older woman adds, still as ominous as her original warning. Unwillingly affected by her beautiful girl's smile, her own goofy grin is evidence of the fact that she will not make good on her threat.
Now secure in the warmth provided by their sweater, the younger woman becomes noticeably more playful. "You love me."
Regina audibly exhales. Whatever anger, fear, or resentment she had been holding is released, thanks to this amazing woman in front of her. "I would do anything for you Emma."
"I know." She brings to the surface a deeply rooted insecurity. "I just hate that I'm so messed up."
Emma's comment activates the protective mode again. "You are not messed up. You are not defective." The recurring lump in her throat forces the queen to stop before she can bring up what Emma had survived. With reverence, she adds, "You're healing."
"I know you're right."
Regina's voice is soft. "Did he hurt you?"
Emma responds without pre-meditation, "A little." When she sees the queen's eyes blaze with ferocity, she swiftly amends her statement, securing her arms around the older woman to keep her in place. "I'm okay. Baby, I'm okay," she frantically assures. "You stopped him before he really hurt me." That got Regina's attention. "I'm pretty sure you scared Whale half to death when you yelled at him."
"Good." She realizes that came out badly. "I'm sorry."
"My hero doesn't need to apologize."
Regina accepts that she will probably never be able to forgive herself for the pain Emma experienced during their separation. She is determined to do all she can now to be there for this woman she never deserved. Her tears nearly choke her when she tries to speak.
"I have to protect you."
"I know you'll protect me. That's why I'm not afraid."
Regina adjusts the fitted jacket around the younger woman's hips. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Emma's face falls.
"I only wanted to see my baby, our baby."
"And you will," Regina promises. "But maybe we should come back another day."
"I can't leave now, Regina."
The desperation in her beloved's tears is too much for the solemn queen. She has to take action.
"What can I do to make it better?"
"Can you talk to Doctor Whale?"
"I'll be right back."
Thankfully, she doesn't have to search for the infuriating physician. He is already waiting outside the exam room, ready to bombard the queen with more questions.
"Is she alright? What happened?"
Regina is absolutely appalled that someone could be so dense as to not understand body language. She was certain that her closed-off stance would discourage the nosy physician from asking questions that she is in no way prepared to answer.
"I can't tell you what happened to her," the queen informs, keeping her eyes glued to the floor.
"I'm her doctor. I need to know what happened so I can help her," Whale insists.
If they had been back in the Enchanted Forest, he'd be dead where he stands, Whale realizes, immediately regretting his tone.
"The only thing you need to know is that she has help. And right now, she needs you to do your job," the queen admonishes. When that doesn't elicit the desired response she softens her delivery. "Please Victor. She just wants to see her baby."
"I'm going to be honest with you," he begins. "I think that it would be best to wait a few weeks and then do a non-invasive ultrasound." When the queen remains silent, he poses another query. "Do you know if she's been taking any prenatal vitamins?"
"Yes." Regina fondly recalls, "She began a regimen at the end of September." The normally stoic woman begins to tremble. "She wants her baby so badly." Though she knows that it's pointless, the weary woman covers her eyes with her hand in a futile attempt to conceal her tears.
Whale had never seen this woman in such a fragile state, even when she was his patient.
"Regina," he begins carefully. "If I can't introduce the probe, I won't be able to see the inside of her uterus."
Still unable to meet the doctor's eyes, the devastated queen resigns to this hopeless fact and nods.
"How bad is it?"
Recovering somewhat, Regina answers with confidence, "She's actually doing much better." She subtly clears her throat before continuing. "She wants to try the ultrasound again."
"I don't think that would be wise."
"Please, Victor," the queen implores. "Don't make her leave now." She grows more emotional. "Not this way." She is openly sobbing. "Not after everything she's been through."
Normally not a warm person, Whale takes a moment to console the dejected queen.
"She's a strong woman, your Emma."
Just the sound of the most beautiful name she has ever heard is all she needs to restore her. Regina lifts her head to meet the medical professional's eyes. "She's the strongest person I know."
Reluctantly, Whale consents. "If this time is not successful I'm going to insist that Miss Swan return at a later date."
Regina's features transform to reflect the hope in her heart. "I understand."
Her serenity is disrupted when she notices Whale reaching for the handle of the door. Immediately, the protective queen seizes the doctor's wrist.
His confusion is evident. "But I thought you said…"
"She's not ready." Though her comment was not a direct intimidation, the consequence is implied. "She needs me to help her."
"You think you can?" He regrets this as soon he says it.
"If I can't," the queen pauses, "then you're not going anywhere near her."
The queen's dangerous stare sends a shiver up the doctor's spine. He is determined to be as accommodating and respectful as possible.
"How much time do you need?"
The queen inches close enough to whisper, "As long as it takes."
"I can check back with you after I've seen my next patient," the nervous man offers.
"Text me. Don't knock."
The doctor nods before turning away. He is stopped after only a few feet.
"Victor?" Her delivery reflects the poise of a monarch.
Whale watches the composed queen saunter toward him. How can this be the same woman who crumbled in front of him only minutes earlier?
"If you interrupt us before she's ready I will mangle you beyond recognition. And we both know I don't make idle threats."
There's the Regina he remembers.
"Are we in agreement?"
Is he cowering? He's pretty sure that he's cowering. He had better tell the queen exactly what she wants to hear.
"I'll see to it that you are not disturbed."
Satisfied with Whale's guarantee, the queen returns to the room where her love eagerly awaits her return.
As soon as she enters, Emma's hopeful expression melts the queen's heart.
Joining their hands, Regina asks, "Do you want to try the ultrasound again?"
Emma furrows her brow. "What did Whale say?"
"That doesn't matter," Regina maintains. "You know your body best, Emma. This is your choice. I support whatever you want to do." She lays out the options. "If you want to wait a few weeks until we can try the abdominal ultrasound, I support your decision. If you want to try again today then that's what we'll do."
The younger woman takes a moment to weigh the options before making a decision.
"Will you help me?"
The request could not have been sweeter.
Regina commits herself. "There isn't anything I won't do."
Emma's smile is back. "I'm really glad you're here."
"This is where I should have been all along."
"You're here now," Emma enlightens. "That's all that matters."
Emma is definitely her mother's child, Regina thinks. She had never met anyone as tender-hearted as those two. Well, except for Charlie. For some reason she has been given a second chance and there is no way she will screw it up now.
"I will never abandon you again."
"You certainly know the way to a girl's heart."
"I only want to know the way to your heart."
"So we're really doing this?"
"As long as that's what you want."
"Yes," Emma confirms. "I want to try it again."
Regina kisses her girl before turning to lock the door.
"When is he coming back?"
"He won't come back until you're ready."
"That may be a while," Emma realizes.
"Then he'll just have to wait."
Conveniently, the queen's nonchalant attitude comes as quite a turn-on.
"I have never been more attracted to you than I am now," Emma informs, reaching out to pull her woman closer.
Their lips find each other again.
"I was assured that this time we wouldn't be interrupted," the queen whispers against the younger woman's neck. "It's just you and me Emma, no stress, no deadline, just us."
Please continue to Chapter 31 for the conclusion of the ultrasound.