Chapter Three

McCoy calls Pavel down to medbay because he has something important to tell him. Pavel has no idea what and feels like it'll be a sarcastic reminder he's three weeks late for a physical or something. As soon as Pavel's in medbay he figures it's not. McCoy has that blank expression of seriousness on his face and it makes the Russian a little nervous.

"I believe you now." He says.

Pavel tilts his head a little in confusion. He has a few questions about that statement but McCoy waves him into his office rather than answering anything.

"I got a message this morning."

"From whom?"

"Her." McCoy knows that using her name will make Pavel uncomfortable but his words are no less confusing either way.

"What did she say?"

"I don't know how you're going to react to this Pavel and it's not a decision you need to make anytime soon. Just… I'm sorry I doubted you. Her PADD was decommissioned but it was definitely her signature she put with it. It must have been really hard not having your doctor on your side."

"What did she say?" He's more adamant this time and a lot less patient. He can feel his skin itch and McCoy sighs.

"She… She had her eggs frozen. Not long after she met you. She said she was worried something would happen so she made preparations. If you want to have her child Pavel, you can. But you don't need to make this decision anytime soon. It's a lot to think about. I'm sorry to spring this on you but, you know. I felt like you need to be told."

He nods, unable to do much else. He doesn't know how to feel and he feels a little sick with nerves. Would he be disrespecting her if he said no? He looks up at McCoy, a little dazed.

"Yes. I want to. Soon, as soon as we can."

"Woah, you're not even going to think about this? This is a big thing Pavel, raising a child on your own is-"

"Hard? Yes, I know. I don't hide from challenges Leonard. You know this. I want her baby, I want our baby. I want a living piece of her with me forever."

"It's not that easy Pavel. I have a daughter and it's been so hard after my wife and I split. "

"Well I can't split with my partner, can I?" Pavel feels bad for snapping as soon as does and he sighs and leans back in his chair, rubbing his hand across his face. "I shouldn't have snapped. I'm really sorry. This is just a lot but I know what I want. I want her child, regardless of what it'll cost me. Kick me from Starfleet if you have to, I don't care. I just want this kid."

McCoy knows Pavel, he's never been this adamant about something. The Russian has no limit to his determination. McCoy nods and passes Pavel his PADD. He reads the message and gets a little teary.

"Look after Pavel for me, I know this child is what he'll want. Please tell him that he'll be a great father."

Pavel wipes the tears forming in his eyes and smiles, nodding. "This is what I want. This is what I need."

McCoy nods. "Okay."

Pavel has the choice between a hypo where he really doesn't want it and the traditional method with a cup and his hand. His face flushes a little when McCoy asks him. He chooses against the hypo, not really wanting McCoy to administer it. The doctor doesn't judge his choice, just handing him a cup and nodding. Pavel feels a lot more nervous and awkward than he expected to but he keeps telling himself he is, in the long run, doing the right thing.

One of the greatest advancements in medical technology included the ability to make babies without an actual woman. A synthetic womb, in a sense. It has a more scientific name that Pavel heard once but doesn't remember. He feels kind of weird that his baby is growing inside a machine instead of inside the woman he loved but he tries not to think about it too much. McCoy tells him it will take nine months as any normal pregnancy would and Pavel just nods, gently touching the machine. He's touching his child and he knows it's nothing more than a bunch of cells at the moment but he's excited and nervous as if it were still from his would-have-been wife.

Sulu seems surprised to see Pavel. He's not used to the Russian's new found freedom if that's what he can call it. Pavel doesn't even know how to tell him so he just kind of awkwardly blurts out that he's having a baby and Sulu's a little confused.

"You're pregnant?" Sulu asks, mildly confused.

"Yes! Wait, no. Not me, I'm not pregnant but McCoy, he got a message from her this morning. She froze her eggs and McCoy said I could use them and have a child."

"Wait so you've already agreed? You haven't thought about it or?"

"Yeah, it has already started incubating."

"Pavel you should have thought about this more. I think this is a great thing to happen to you, but it's a very large life decision."

"You still baby me, Hikaru," He says, a slight hint of a smile on his face.

"Hey, I've known you since you were fourteen. I'm always going to feel a little protective over you. What are you gonna do if you meet someone else?"

Pavel stops and Sulu knows he's crossed a line. He doesn't say anything and Sulu quickly apologises. Pavel dismisses it but Sulu still knows the hurt is there.

"Do you think it will be a boy or a girl?" Sulu asks, changing the subject.

"I think it will be a boy, I don't know why; I just know. I hope it's a boy. I don't really understand women."

Sulu laughs. "No one understands women. Not on our planet anyway. Thought of any names?"

Pavel nods slowly. "I'm trying to remember the names she liked. We had a conversation about it but we were pretty drunk so I don't know if she was serious or not. She may have written it down somewhere."

"What names do you like?" He asks, trying to get Pavel's opinion.

"There are a few Russian names I like but the name doesn't bother me too much. I just hope they have her personality and not mine." He laughs a little at the end. He wonders if how he would deal with having a daughter who was exactly like her. He feels like it could sadden him a lot but regardless he knows he'll love his child. Sulu knows this too, even though he doesn't say it. He doesn't think he's met a more determined or loving man than Pavel. Both qualities he'll need to raise a child.

Pavel spends a lot of his free time with his child. McCoy shows him an ultrasound of the baby and asks him if he wants to know the baby's gender. He decides to leave it a surprise and McCoy shrugs. He wanted to know if Joanna would be a boy or a girl so he could prepare himself. He had a lot of reading to do about raising girls before Joanna was born. He knows Pavel's smart enough to research at least a bit before the baby comes. McCoy leaves Pavel alone with the incubator and the foetus. Pavel talks gently to his child, hoping the child will get used to his voice or something. He doesn't even know why he's talking to something that doesn't understand him but it gives him a weird peace of mind. McCoy thinks it's a little weird too but he doesn't comment.

In the lead up to the nine month mark Pavel gets more and more excited and more and more nervous. Sulu helps him set up a cot and baby proof his room. Pavel appreciates the help and feels a little less alone. He knows he'll be given a lot of help with the child, something he will need a lot of. The closer he gets to the nine month mark, the more nervous he becomes. He doubts his own abilities as parent. He's read everything he could find but it just feels insufficient. One thing he's glad he hasn't encountered is regret. He still firmly believes his decision was the right one, even if he's going to struggle.

Pavel gets a PADD message while he's sleeping and it's from McCoy. He says that the baby is ready and will probably have to be removed from the incubator within the hour. He gets up and pulls on something other than his pyjamas and walks briskly down to medbay. McCoy's there with a nurse looking over the incubator and talking quietly.

"Pavel? You're here, good, okay. Not a huge amount of babies have been born from these yet. They're recently new machines and we haven't used them. You're going to need to be patient okay? This might take a while."

The Russian nods. McCoy sets the machine up on a table and pulls on some gloves, making Pavel sit on one of the empty biobeds while they work. It's a lot more complicated than Pavel expected, there are a tonne of wires and a lot of different parts that need to be cut out or open. He expected there to be a button or something that just open the hatch almost like an oven where the baby would just come out ready to face the world. He swings his legs off the side of the bed and sighs to himself, feeling more and more nervous.

"Pavel," McCoy mutters, beckoning him over. Pavel jumps up and comes up behind the doctor.

"Is that one of your good shirts?"

"No?" Pavel says confused.

McCoy mutters 'good' under his breath and starts pulling the baby from the incubator. He pulls it out and passes it to Pavel, who takes it carefully. He breaths out a heavy sigh, a smile quickly spreading across his face. He's holding a living breathing part of him and a living breathing part of her. A little boy. His little boy.

Pavel's freakishly happy holding his baby in his arms. He's on a biobed with his legs crossed, feeding the small child. His eyes have opened and they're a beautiful shade of dark blue. Probably a little more like his than his mother's. Pavel inspects his tiny feet and his tiny hands.

"Got a name yet?" McCoy asks, grinning at the new parent and the quiet baby in his hands.

Pavel shrugs. "I think so. I don't know. What if she wouldn't have liked it?"

McCoy sits down on the edge of the bed and half smiles. "I feel like she'd be fine with whatever you name it."

"I like Reuben," he says, quietly.

"Not a Russian name?"

Pavel shrugs again. "I was thinking of naming him Ermolai, maybe. I don't know. Should I give him a Russian name?"

"She said she had Turkish heritage, didn't she?"

"Her mother was Turkish. I think I want to keep that." He pauses for a second. "He will be Ender, Ender Reuben Chekov."

McCoy smiles, "I like that. I know she would too. Don't worry yourself too much about it. You're picking a good name."

Pavel nods and looks down at Ender. His eyes are following the bottle in Pavel's hand and he places a gentle kiss on the baby's forehead.

Sulu's there to visit Pavel in the morning as soon as he finds out. Ender is so small in Pavel's arms and Sulu gently touches the baby's skin.

"He's so small," Sulu laughs, grinning at Pavel.

Pavel has a glow about him and Sulu's glad to see him so happy. Sulu convinces Pavel to show the bridge crew and they have to stop a few times before they get there. A lot of people are really happy for Pavel and a few offer to babysit if he needs it. Babies and children aren't super common on the Enterprise. The bridge crew take turns in holding the baby and congratulating Pavel. Spock doesn't hold the child but touches it gently when Uhura holds it, muttering 'fascinating' under his breath. A lot of people say the baby has Pavel's eyes and despite the fact that Ender's mother's eyes were a similar colour, they're still distinctly his. Pavel feels so grown up and it's almost a little weird to him. He never expected to be one of the first members of the bridge crew to have a child.

Ender seems to take a particular liking to Kirk. He's quiet for him and Kirk seems to like him just as much. Kirk has never expressed a particular opinion on children but he seems to be okay with Ender at least. Pavel takes Ender back and goes back to his room, a little tired for a reason he can't decide.

Ender cries a lot and Pavel finds babies a lot more difficult than he anticipated. Ender cries for no reason and Pavel just gently rocks him, hoping for the best. It doesn't work and he puts on some music, mainly to calm himself. He opts for Russian and it stops Ender crying for a little while. Pavel sighs and sits with him on the couch. He hopes he's doing an alright job as a parent and thinks about how much easier it would be with two. He wants a sign from her, just something telling him that he's doing an okay job, that he's not totally ruining his chance with this child. He runs a hand across Ender's head and realises he's a little teary. The baby reminds him of everything he wasn't able to have, or wasn't able to be. He wipes his eyes a little and falls asleep on the couch beside the cradle.

Pavel wakes up with a sore neck and a throbbing headache. Ender is still sleeping and the chance to have a good shower. He stays in there as long as he can before Ender wakes up and as much as he appreciates it, it just doesn't seem like enough. Babies are a lot more effort than he'd prepared himself for and he's doubting his capabilities as a parent. He gets out of the shower and dries himself, listening to Ender crying loudly. He picks up his son and holds him gently, glad to have someone there with him. He feeds Ender and has little idea what he's meant to do with the rest of his day. He spends a lot of time reading and studying while Ender plays. He reads to Ender for a while, figuring that Ender's too young to care that he's listening to a theoretical physics journal. Pavel wonders if he'll grow up to be in Starfleet. He wonders what will happen when he starts asking about his mother and how he's going to answer the questions. He doesn't really know anything about the future but for once, Pavel Chekov doesn't have a plan, and he finds himself oddly okay with it.