Richelle Mead owns the VA and Bloodlines series.
Running into Adrian again after all these years wasn't something I'd planned on. It wasn't even something I'd wanted. Not that I didn't miss his smile or his laugh or the way he'd always tease me, trying to coax a smile out of me. I missed all of those things and more. I missed everything about him. Some days I'd dream about him and when I'd wake up—alone in my bed, knowing I'd never see him again—it was like a physical blow to the gut. But seeing him again had never been part of the plan. Some part of me had known that when I'd left. So seeing him now, knowing he was staying just a few rooms down from me was the most tortuous pleasure I'd ever imagined.
When I'd come to California I'd been expecting to spend the weekend working and then to fly back home without much fuss. The Alchemists wanted me to file some paperwork in the Los Angeles office and I'd reluctantly agreed. I still couldn't figure out why they wanted to send me out here. I had responsibilities at home and they knew it. But Stanton made a big deal about me doing my duty and I'd given in—what choice did I have, really?—agreeing to fly out for the weekend before flying back Sunday evening.
The trip had been uneventful up until I walked into the lobby of the hotel I'd booked. There were Alchemist lodgings available to me, of course, but I couldn't bring myself to stay in them. I had never regained faith in the Alchemists after the events of Palm Springs six years ago, but I couldn't stand against them. Not when there was so much at stake.
Everything I'd worked so hard for the last six years, everything I'd tried to bury away, it had all burst when I'd walked into the lobby of the hotel and found myself face to face with Adrian Ivashkov. Well, sort of, anyway. It wasn't really Adrian standing in front of me, it was actually a larger than life poster set up near the entryway.
Breakout artist Adrian Ivashkov's exclusive gallery showing. This weekend only.
I'd gasped and stumbled into the bellboy carrying my suitcase.
How could this happen? How, out of all the weekends, of all the hotels, could Adrian be in this one this weekend? The same weekend I was staying here?
I'd thought about canceling my reservation and going to a different hotel. That would have been the smart thing to do. But, of course, I never could fight my curiosity. I'd checked into my room, casually grilling the concierge for information about Adrian.
I just love that artist's work. When will he be here? Oh, this weekend, really? He's staying in the hotel? Until Monday. I'll have to check out his exhibition. Is there any chance I could run into him during my stay? I'd love to meet him. We're staying on the same floor? Oh, that's something.
It had taken a little... persuasion to get some of the details out of him, but when he thought about it later he'd just think he'd gotten a little too chatty with one of the guests. He'd never remember the dazed feeling he'd had when my magic rushed through him, lowering his inhibitions and making my desires his desires. He'd never remember the twenty five year old woman dressed in business attire who stared him a little too directly in the eye or the way she'd practically floated away from the concierge desk, a mix of emotions raging within her. Fear, shock, panic, curiosity and pride. He'd never remember the exhilarated elation that had crossed her face when the magic flowed through her for the first time in years. I might not have practiced magic in awhile, but I still knew the rules. And when it came to compulsion, Adrian had taught me the rules very clearly. Give them a valid reason for doing what you want them to do. Compulsion always works better when there's a little truth to it.
So now I was sitting in my room, after a day spent getting most of my work done at the L.A. Alchemist headquarters, trying to talk myself out of going down to Adrian's exhibition. I'd picked up a dress on my way back to the hotel—just in case I wanted to have dinner at the five star restaurant located in the hotel's lobby, I'd told myself. I didn't believe me for one second. It didn't help that the dress I'd picked out was red, a color I rarely ever wore, but one that Adrian used to love on me.
I smoothed my hands over the silk dress and stood, taking one last look in the mirror and then walking out the door before I could talk myself out of it. The truth was, as bad a decision as I knew this was, I couldn't be this close to Adrian and not see him. It was like a physical pain to know he was so close and not be with him. It took a few, nauseating minutes to get from my room to the lobby—the whole time spent trying to figure out how to approach him. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew this was going to be one of the most difficult, painful things I'd ever done in my life, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I'd gotten the idea of him in my head and it wouldn't get out.
I strolled through the lobby and into the banquet hall that was serving as a gallery this weekend, trying to look casual. Like I belonged here, with these people. No one stopped me and, as I entered the exhibition, my eyes scanned the room quickly and without my permission, looking for the artist. When I didn't immediately spot him I decided to do a lap, check out some of his paintings.
Almost an hour later I was still making my way around the room. It was slow going because at every painting I had to stop for a few minutes to get the full effect. Adrian's paintings had always been good, but these weren't merely good. These paintings deserved their own gallery, which, I realized, is probably why he'd been given this opportunity. And the turn out was unbelievable. So many people crowded into the medium sized banquet hall, crowded around each and every one of his paintings. An intense pride shot through me as I glanced at all of the people admiring Adrian's art.
"This one is my personal favorite," a familiar voice carried over the din of the crowd.
"The expression on the subject's face is lovely," a woman said.
"It's her eyes," said another. "They're radiant. You can almost feel the passion she must have felt."
I stumbled through the crowd, almost against my will, trying to locate the voices. It took a minute, but I finally found them three paintings down from me, studying a painting of a girl. Adrian was standing there with two women in their early to mid-thirties, looking as attractive as he ever had, but to my surprise, he wasn't what grabbed my attention. No, the person I couldn't seem to drag my eyes from was the girl in the painting. Because that girl was me.
I sucked in a breath and, without meaning to, stepped closer to the painting and the group. I walked right up to it, staring breathlessly as I took in the girl's fierce expression and the juxtaposition of the fragile, soft curves of her body. But what really caught my attention, the thing that took my breath away, wasn't the beauty Adrian had managed to capture in my appearance or the fact that he still painted me after all these years.
"Adrian!" I screeched, completely forgetting that I hadn't said hello to him yet or that I hadn't seen him in six years or that we were in the middle of his fancy art exhibition. I turned to him, eyes wide and angry, and found him staring back at me, open-mouthed and confused. I was too angry to worry about his confusion at the moment. "Why am I naked?" I demanded, pointing toward the offending image.
The women stared between my enraged expression and the painting a few times before slowly stepping back into the crowd. Adrian, however, continued to gape at me. I just crossed my arms and waited for him to answer me.
It took a moment longer, but eventually Adrian pulled himself together and picked his jaw up off the floor. "What can I say? You're usually naked when I think about you, Sage."
His tone was overly light and I knew I'd thrown him for a loop by showing up here, but I couldn't manage to care at the moment. I glared at him some more, but he'd already moved passed my obvious outrage.
"What the hell are you doing here, Sydney?" he asked. His voice was the oddest mix of hurt, anger, relief and disinterest. I wasn't sure what to make of it and some of my anger faded into uncertainty.
"I... Well, I..." I shrugged, finally feeling the nervousness I knew was coming settle into my stomach. "I'm staying at the hotel," I said, gesturing around the room. "I saw the sign in the lobby and thought maybe... I don't know." He was giving me a hard look and I faltered under its intensity. "I can leave if you want."
His glare melted and suddenly he just looked tired. "No, I don't want you to leave. I just wasn't expecting to see you here. Or anywhere, really. You disappeared on me, Sydney." His mouth contorted into an ugly shape and my stomach dropped out knowing it was because I'd hurt him. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."
"I know. I'm sorry." It was all I could give him.
His shoulders slumped and he leaned back against the wall, next to the painting of me. "Why are you here?" he asked again, ignoring my apology.
"I told you—"
He shook his head. "No. Even if it's a coincidence that you're staying in the hotel, what are you doing down here? You knew I was going to be here. Coming was a choice."
"It didn't feel like much of a choice," I mumbled under my breath. He stared at me, waiting for a real answer. "I wanted to see you," I told him honestly. "When I left... I didn't do it because of you. I didn't want to leave you."
"Then why did you?" he sighed helplessly, his voice cracking slightly. He sounded so confused, so utterly heartbroken. I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him I loved him, that I'd never stopped. But he'd probably shrug me off, tell me to get lost. I was contemplating it anyway when an older woman in the most atrocious sequin black dress sauntered up to us.
"Adrian, my darling, this has got to be my favorite of your pieces," the woman drawled, looking up at the painting of me. I bit my lip and crossed my arms over my chest, feeling exposed.
Adrian pushed away from the wall and straightened up. He gave me a fleeting look, before turning to the painting. "It's my favorite too. And, wouldn't you know it, the model is actually right here."
He gestured to me with a smile, ignoring my glare, and the woman glanced my way for the first time. She didn't greet me, but instead studied me the way she had been the painting. "Yes," she said softly and looked back to the painting. "It's a marvelous rendition. I must own it. How much?"
"You can't have it," I said like it should have been the most obvious thing in the world. I realized a moment later that the whole point of this gallery was exactly this. For Adrian to sell his work. Something in my chest broke when I realized he'd brought this painting here to sell.
"It's my painting, Sage," Adrian said pointedly.
"Yeah, but it's my body!" I hissed. "You can't just sell it."
"And why should I keep it?" he inquired nonchalantly. He'd hit the nail on the head with that question. After everything, why should he keep it? Why should he hold onto me when all I've ever done is cause him pain?
I didn't have an answer.
"I'm sorry, Regina," Adrian said, turning to the woman with a charming smile. "This painting's not for sale. Any of the other pieces, though, you're more than welcome to."
The woman looked back and forth between us a moment and then nodded. "It was nice seeing you again," she said to Adrian and then surprised me by turning to me with a smile. "And it was nice to meet you. You're absolutely stunning, in both the painting and in person."
I thanked her, feeling flustered from the compliment. It felt like forever since I'd actually received one that wasn't work related.
"You really do look beautiful tonight," Adrian said quietly once the woman, Regina, was gone. "I haven't told you that yet. It should have been the first thing I said."
I shook my head and forced a laugh. "You were too distracted by my sudden reappearance after all this time. And me yelling at you."
He laughed a little, but it quickly faded into seriousness. "So. What do we do now? I'd really like to know what happened to you and why you left without so much as a goodbye. But," he added quickly as I started to apologize again. "We can work up to that part. Can we just spend some time together tonight? I really missed you, Sydney."
I took a breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds, thankful that he wasn't demanding I leave. He missed me. And I knew once I told him all the things he wanted to know he'd probably be furious with me, but for right now I wanted this. To spend time with him, pretending the past didn't matter. Pretending nothing had changed between us. I was almost surprised by how fiercely I wanted it.
"I'd like that," I told him softly.
###
We did a few laps of the room, greeting people and talking about Adrian's art. Things became easier as we chatted and laughed. Being around him was familiar and I could almost forget that I'd been away from him for so long. He introduced me as his muse a few times, which some of the guests found delightful. Some, the younger, single women in particular, looked at me with a fair amount of distaste.
"They don't like you because they're jealous," Adrian whispered after three women in their late twenties sneered in my direction. "I've run into their type before. Girls who have nothing but time and daddy's money to spend. And they usually want to spend both with vaguely popular artists or musicians so they can claim to be someone's muse. Have a painting done of them or a song written about them. Not that I should talk," he said with a shrug. "Family money is the only reason I can paint and not have to live dependent on women like that."
"So you're not dating a rich art enthusiast who pays your bills for you?" I laughed.
Adrian glanced down at me slyly before pulling me through the crowd to an empty nook in the corner. He backed me into a wall, smiling widely. "Did you just casually ask if I was seeing someone, Sage?"
I smiled back and shrugged. "Just want to make sure I'm not about to be attacked by an angry art groupie."
"Nope. No angry art groupies to worry about. I'm currently very single. What about you? You dating anyone?" he asked, glancing down at my hands. "No ring," he observed.
I laughed. "I don't have time to date. The Alchemists like to keep me extra busy. And I'm certainly not marrying an Alchemist."
Adrian smiled. "The downfalls of being the best at your job."
The silence stretched until it was almost awkward. I cleared my throat, but Adrian cut me off before I could speak. Which was fine since I had no idea what I was going to say anyway.
"I'm glad," he said softly.
"Glad about what?"
"That you're not married to some Alchemist creep. That you're not dating anyone. That you showed up here tonight. You name it," he said with a shrug. "I just can't believe you're here, Sydney."
I reached out, taking his hand in mine and giving it a light squeeze. "I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I came tonight. I'm so glad I saw you."
Adrian squeezed my hand back and when he did he used his grip to pull me towards him. He reeled me in until I was flush against his silky blue shirt, then he leaned his head down and rested his forehead next to mine. My hands came up and wrapped around his neck of their own accord. "I missed you," he breathed.
Without another thought I turned my face up to meet his, our lips brushing gently. "I love you."
Adrian let out some sort of growly moan and then we were kissing. His hands came up to tangle in my hair and I wrapped my arms tighter around him, pulling him closer, as close as he could get. It wasn't until, a minute later, when his lips started to travel down my neck that I realized we were still at his exhibition. Tucked away in a corner, sure, but still in public.
"Adrian," I breathed, pulling away. When he looked up at me I gestured around us. He seemed to understand without having to be told.
"Just give me one minute," he said and hurried out of our little corner and back into the crowd. True to his word he came back a minute later, taking my hand and leading me out of the banquet hall.
"We're leaving?" I asked. "But your gallery..."
"It's okay," Adrian said. "I'm having someone from the hotel handle the orders. And I've spent more than enough time mingling with the guests. Now it's time to mingle with you," he added with a smirk as he pulled me into the elevator.
"What floor's your room on?" he asked.
"Fifth," I said automatically. "Same as you."
Adrian turned to me with an amused look. "And how would you know what floor I'm on? Been coercing the hotel staff to find out about me, have you?"
I blushed, but tried my best to look casual. "Maybe."
Adrian shook his head. "Come here," he laughed, pulling me to him.
It didn't take long for our kissing in the elevator to turn into kissing in the hallway outside of Adrian's room, to us kissing inside Adrian's room. And when I found myself lying on Adrian's bed a few minutes later, I wasn't even the least bit surprised.
He pulled off his suit jacket and tossed it over the desk chair before coming to sit on the bottom of the bed. He stroked the sensitive skin around my ankles causing me to twitch the way he knew I would. He smiled and leaned up to kiss me. "Still ticklish, huh?"
I nodded and kissed him back.
"Do you... I mean, do you want to do this, Sydney?" he asked gently. "We don't have to."
"I want to," I sighed and leaned up to kiss him again. "I really do. I haven't... you know. In a while."
"How long's a while?" he asked curiously as he sat back, his hands traveling down my legs to unclasp my heels.
I bit my lip and leaned back, looking at the ceiling. "Six years," I whispered.
Adrian's fingers ceased their actions. I could feel him staring at me, but I refused to look at him. It was too embarrassing.
"How?" was all he said.
"I've been really busy, I told you," I defended. "I have responsibilities! People who need me. This is my first weekend away from home in almost five and a half years!"
He was quiet for a moment before he finished pulling off my other shoe and climbed up the bed to lay next to me. He propped himself up on his elbow and gently stroked my cheek. "I get being busy, Sydney, but... Our last time? Really? That was the last time you ever...?"
I nodded, still avoiding his gaze. I felt him shift, just the slightest bit, and then his mouth was on mine. I sighed, somehow feeling relaxed and excited at the same time.
"I need you, Sydney," Adrian whispered against my lips. "I've always needed you."
"No, you don't," I breathed.
He kissed a path down my throat. "I do," he murmured as he moved the strap of my dress aside, kissing my bare shoulder. "Let me show you how much I need you."
I pulled him back to my mouth, showing him how much I needed him.
###
I got off the elevator with trepidation. I'd snuck out of Adrian's room this morning without waking him. I'd told myself it was because he'd looked so peaceful in his sleep, but the truth was I'd woken up next to him and panicked. We'd slept together. If we hadn't I could've possibly walked away from this weekend and left things as they were. But now, after last night? How could I walk away? How could I hurt him again? But staying would hurt him too. It could hurt everyone I loved. Staying would mean telling him the truth, and that would change everything. Including the way he looked at me. It surprised me that that was what worried me the most. That Adrian wouldn't love me anymore once I told him everything.
I pushed open the door to my room. I hoped to change quickly and then head to Adrian's room. I prayed he was there. I was scared of what his reaction would be, but I needed to see him before I left. I needed to tell him why I left Palm Springs.
"Hey, Sage," said a voice to my left as I stepped into my room. I jumped, the magic I'd left dormant for so long rising up on instinct to protect me. It took a second to realize it was just Adrian.
"What are you doing in my room?" I demanded, flipping on the light switch. Adrian was sitting on my bed. Sprawled would be the better term, actually. He was leaning against a mountain of pillows and had his feet on the bed. He flipped off the TV he'd been watching and smiled at me.
"When I woke up and you'd mysteriously disappeared once again," he said, causing me to flinch, "I went to have a little chat with the concierge. He was kind enough to inform me that you were, in fact, still checked in at the hotel and he even gave me a key to your room. He was very helpful. I think I might write a letter to his manager suggesting he get a promotion. Or a raise." He smirked. "I figure it's the least I can do after the both of us compelled him."
I stifled a smile and crossed my arms, waiting.
"I figured I'd camp out in your room until you came back," he said finally. "It seemed like the only way to make sure I'd see you again."
"Oh, Adrian," I sighed and walked over to the bed. "I wasn't leaving. I was coming to see you right now, actually. I had to work this morning and... Well, I was scared." He slid over on the bed to make room for me and I sat down. "There are a lot of things I need to tell you. Things I'm terrified to tell you. I don't want you to hate me." A sob caught in my throat and I made an ugly choking sound.
Adrian wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. "Shh. It's okay," he murmured. "I will never hate you, Sydney. It doesn't matter what you have to tell me. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out together." He paused. "But if it bothers you so much then don't tell me. Let's just wipe the slate clean. Start over."
"We c-can't," I hiccuped. The tears had started and I couldn't shut them off no matter how much I wanted to.
"Why not?" he whispered gently.
"Because, you need to know." I pressed my face into the softness of his shirt. I couldn't look at him. "He's too important."
Adrian stiffened. "He?" he asked and, even crying, I could make out the hesitation in his voice.
I nodded my head. "Nicolas," I admitted. "Our son."
###
It took nearly all day to tell him everything. To explain how the Alchemists had suspected I was working against them, how they'd dragged me in for questioning, how I'd started getting sick. Morning sickness it turned out. I'd managed to convince them of my loyalty, or maybe the unexpected pregnancy had thrown them off. Either way, they'd pulled me from the field, assigning me to a desk job in Utah while I had the baby.
They'd questioned me about the father. I'd claimed it was a boy I'd dated for a little while, Brayden. They'd accepted it when I'd said I didn't want to involve him. We were both young, I didn't want to ruin his life. My father had been furious at my behavior and stupidity, but he'd changed his tune as soon as Nicolas was born.
No one ever questioned him. The way he was just a little stronger than most children, or the way he could hear better, see farther. I suspected my father knew the truth, but he never mentioned it and he loved Nick to pieces, so I eventually stopped worrying about it. I told Adrian how Nick was back in Utah, staying with my sister Carly because Stanton had decided to send me out here.
When I was finished I waited silently for Adrian to adjust to this new reality. The one where he had a son. A son who was the spitting image of him, aside from having my brown eyes. Sometimes Nick's face, so similar to Adrian's, was the only thing that got me through the day. I started to get up, wanting to get my phone from my purse so I could show him a picture, but Adrian grasped my hand and wouldn't let me go. He just stared ahead silently for a while, holding my hand the whole time.
Eventually he stood up and shook his head. "Sydney... I–I can't... This is impossible," he finally whispered, more to himself than me. "I've gone nuts, haven't I? For real this time." He looked up at me and his expression broke my heart. "Are you... Am I just dreaming you? All of it?"
"No!" I cried, jumping up to go to him. "Adrian, no. You're not crazy. Here, let me show you." I dug through my purse and grabbed my phone, flipping to the first picture of Nicolas. It was one of him sitting on my lap holding my phone up in front of him while we both made silly faces. Adrian took the phone from me like he was drowning and it was a life raft. He looked at the picture for a long while.
"This is... my son?" he asked softly, his voice far too calm for this situation. "His name is Nicolas?"
"Yes," I breathed, waiting for his reply. Waiting for him to yell at me for keeping such a huge secret.
He nodded, still looking at the picture. "He looks like me," he said, that soft, almost emotionless tone still in his voice. "He's mine. He's mine and you didn't tell me." His voice grew harder as he spoke. Colder. This was the anger I'd been waiting for.
"You kept him from me!" he yelled. "What the hell were you thinking, Sydney? How dare you!"
"I didn't mean to," I cried. "I swear, I always meant to tell you. I kept telling myself I'd let you know once the Alchemists stopped watching me so closely. And then by the time they did, it had already been so long. I didn't know how you'd react. One day became two, then a week, then a month... I was scared you wouldn't—"
"No." He shook his head vehemently. "Don't you dare blame me. Do you honestly think for even one second that I wouldn't have welcomed you and our son back with open arms? I loved you, Sydney! Did you ever even give a shit about me? Because, I'm no expert, but when you love someone I don't think you're supposed to take off and go into hiding with their kid!"
Adrian had never been one to get mad easily, but right at this moment he was more furious than I had ever seen him. He was breathing heavily through his nose, his chest heaving with the intensity of his anger.
"I'm sorry," I said as calmly as I could. Maybe if I calmed down he would sit and we could talk this out rationally. "You have every right to be mad..."
"Mad?" he said incredulously. "Mad? Sydney, I'm furious with you. I have never been angrier with anyone in my entire life! I can't..." He swallowed and looked around like he'd forgotten where he was. "I can't be here. I can't even look at you. I have to go." He started for the door.
"Adrian, don't walk away from me!" I said desperately.
He paused, a hand on the door knob. "No. I guess that's your job, huh?"
He'd meant it as a dig, but I went with it. "Exactly! You walking away won't solve anything."
He finally looked over his shoulder at me. His beautiful green eyes were flat and lifeless. "I don't want to solve anything, Sydney. I just want to get away from you."
I sucked in a sharp breath at his words, his defeated tone. When he opened the door and started to leave I cried out, reaching for him. "Adrian, don't!" But he'd already shrugged me off and escaped into the hallway. My eyes blurred with tears as I watched him get into the elevator and leave me behind.
My plane left Los Angeles a few hours later. Adrian hadn't come back yet, so I'd left a thumb drive with Nicolas's photo on it and my contact information for him with the concierge. I hoped he'd call. For Nicolas. I knew what I'd done was terrible and Adrian had every right to be angry. But I hoped he'd try to tamp that anger down enough to come visit his son.
###
Three days after I got home, Adrian still hadn't called. I'd cried, gotten angry—at myself and them at him for not calling, then I'd finally come to a decision. I had to call him. Three days might not have been enough time to adjust to the bombshell I'd just dropped on him, but I didn't want to let it sit too long either. Adrian had a son, a son who wanted to meet him. I had to do something before we both decided it was easier to pretend we'd never seen each other in L.A. I mentioned Adrian to Nick briefly over dinner, before I could change my mind about it.
"Guess who I saw in Los Angeles?" I asked as cheerfully as I could while the butterflies flapped around in my stomach. My dinner was threatening to make a reappearance, but I smiled and listened too all of his bizarre guesses. When he guessed Batman I had to intervene. "Your dad was there, actually." I held my breath, waiting for a response.
"Dad?" Nick asked, looking up at me with his wide brown eyes. "Was he selling his paintings?" he asked excitedly. "Did he say he missed me? Did he say he was coming home soon?" He paused and scrunched his nose, his little face crumpling in distaste. "Did you kiss him?"
I couldn't help but smile. "Yes. To all of those." It was a small lie in the big picture of things. And I couldn't tell my son that I'd never told his father he existed. I just couldn't.
"Ew!" Nick shouted, clearly stuck on the image of me kissing someone.
"Alright, alright," I said, grabbing his empty plate and dropping it in the kitchen sink. "Kissing is yucky, I know. I have something to ask you, though, so listen." His head snapped to attention. All thoughts of kisses fading from his mind. "If I call your dad tomorrow, would you like to talk to him?"
"Yes!" Nick shouted, grinning from ear to ear and reminding me so much of Adrian it hurt. "Yes, yes, yes!"
"Okay," I said, forcing a smile. "Okay. We'll call him tomorrow then. For now go get ready for bed and I'll be in in a few minutes."
Nick wrapped his arms around my waist, squeezing tight. "Thanks, Mom!" Then he ran off down the hall to get ready for bed.
My smile faded as I took a seat on the couch. It was stupid to tell Nick we'd call before I knew how Adrian would react. I wasn't even sure if he'd take my call in the first place. He said he'd accept our son, but I couldn't be sure... No. Adrian was a good man. A noble man. He always had been. He'd be a good dad. Even if he hated me, he'd be a good dad.
I stood up from the couch, plastered a smile back on my face and went to tuck my kid into bed.
Half an hour later I had gotten Nick to sleep and just started the dishes when there was a knock on my door. I rinsed off my hands, drying them on a dish towel, and went to see who it was. It was late, not too late for visitors, but I didn't know anyone who might be stopping by tonight. I peeked though the peephole in the apartment door and found myself looking into one incredibly green eye.
"Let me in, Sydney," Adrian said. "I can hear you in there."
I jumped away from the door in surprise, but immediately undid the lock and chain and pulled open the door. There in the hall, Adrian straightened to his full height. He leaned forward to look around me into the apartment, but didn't try to come inside.
"I hope it's not too late," he said, looking back at me.
My heart stuttered for a moment, thinking of all the implications of that phrase. Too late? Too late to be a part of Nick's life? Of mine? Finally I decided he must have meant the time of night.
"Not too late at all." I stepped aside, letting him into the living room. I couldn't believe he was actually here. I searched for something to say, anything to make it less awkward. But I couldn't think with him standing here, in my living room. I looked around. In my messy living room.
I hurriedly bent to pick up a container of Nick's toys, throwing toy cars and a Lego set in as I went. I put the container on the table and turned back to see Adrian giving me a funny look.
"What?" I asked, self consciously.
He shook his head, looking mystified. "Nothing. It's just... you're like a mom now. To my son." His expression tensed and he sighed. "I still can't believe you did this to me."
I knew that what I'd done was wrong and that he had every right to be angry, but his tone rankled. "Did what to you, Adrian?" I snapped. "Lied to you or made you a father?"
"You didn't make me a father!" He argued, his voice growing louder with every word. I gestured for him to keep quiet and he continued at a normal level, although he still sounded angry. "You took being a father away from me. All I ever wanted was to be with you. You don't think I daydreamed of having kids with you? Of playing house?"
"I'm not playing house, Adrian. This is my life. I have to cook and clean and take care of a five year old boy. I'm not playing."
"Don't get all self-righteous, Sydney," he said softly, but there was anger in it. "I know what you must have been through. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't there. But you decided I wasn't good enough to be in my kid's life, or yours. And you have no idea how much that hurts me. That you didn't think I'd be a good father."
"Adrian," I said, shaking my head and then stopped. I hadn't thought he would be a bad father. I had only thought of the repercussions of the Alchemists finding out he was the father. "I'm sorry."
His mouth twisted and I could see his beautiful green eyes had a glassy sheen to them. He sat down on the couch and then reached behind him, pulling an action figure out of the couch cushions. He studied it for a moment, then smiled and threw it in the bucket of toys on the coffee table.
I sat across from him on the coffee table and took his hands. He didn't pull away and I took that as a good sign. "I never, not once, thought that you would be a bad father. How could you?" I asked him, tears stinging behind my eyes. "You're the kindest, most loving, noble man I've ever met. I'm so sorry, Adrian. I felt trapped and I lied and I wanted to call you and tell you every moment since. I was scared. It's not an excuse for what I did, but it's the only reason I have."
He studied our hands, mine holding onto his as if I were afraid he would drift away from me if I didn't hold them tight enough. "Can I meet him?" he asked roughly.
"Yes," I breathed. I let go of his hands and glanced over my shoulder at the clock on the wall. "He's asleep, but if you come back tomorrow—"
"Now, Sydney. I want to meet him now." My eyes locked with his, and there was anger and exasperation there, but also fear. He was afraid I wouldn't let him see Nick, I realized. Afraid I'd kick him out. "It's not that late. Waking him up won't hurt him."
"Okay," I agreed, getting up. "Stay here, I'll get him."
I walked into Nick's room, flicking the lights on and going to sit on the edge of the bed. "Nicky, baby," I whispered, gently shaking his shoulder. "Wake up."
Nick groaned and rolled over, covering his eyes from the light. "Too tired."
"I know, baby. That's because you only slept a little while." I brushed his brown hair away from his eyes, and he squinted up at me. "Remember I told you that tomorrow we'd call your dad?"
Nick nodded enthusiastically. "Is it tomorrow?" he asked, his sleepiness fading as he grew more and more excited.
"It's not tomorrow yet," I said. "But I have a surprise for you. Your dad couldn't wait to talk to you so he flew here in a big airplane."
"He's here!" Nick shouted too loudly while he scrambled out from underneath his blankets. "Dad's here?"
I smiled and nodded, helping him pull his legs out of the tangle of sheets. "He's waiting for you in the living room." He started to run into the hallway but I jumped up and blocked him. "Don't you think maybe you should put some clothes on first?" I laughed, gesturing to his Batman pajama bottoms. He refused to wear a shirt to bed.
He started to shake his head, but then an idea seemed to come over him and he ran over to his dresser, digging through it for clothes. He pulled out a navy button down shirt I'd gotten him for Christmas last year and started trying to pull it over his head.
"Let me help you." I unbuttoned a few of the buttons and helped him slip the shirt on. Then he pulled out a pair of black dress pants to go with the shirt. "This might be over doing it a little, Nick. I just meant for you to put a shirt on."
"I want to dress nice for Dad," he said, stepping into the pants.
"But I thought you didn't like that shirt?" I asked, watching him finish getting ready. He looked in the mirror and made sure his hair wasn't sticking up all over the place. Just like Adrian he had messy brown hair and just like Adrian he was nearly obsessed with making sure it looked perfect each and every second of the day.
"I don't like the way it scratches my neck," he said, pulling on the collar for emphasis. "But it looks nice for first impresses."
"Impressions," I corrected gently.
"Yeah, that," he said, strutting towards the door to his room. "I want Dad to see how big I am. I don't want him to think I'm some little baby still."
I swallowed, watching my son confidently walk down the hallway to meet his father for the first time. He had no idea that Adrian hadn't known about him until a few days ago. He thought his father had been away, but always thought he'd come back. He'd asked me all the time when he was younger if Daddy was coming home soon. He didn't ask with the same frequency anymore, but judging by his reaction tonight, he'd never given up hope.
I followed after him, stepping into the living room a second behind him. Adrian, who was still sitting on the couch, turned to face us. His eyes moved to me first and then traveled down to look at Nick. All the anger he had at me, all the confusion, it all melted away the second he laid eyes on him.
Nick, who's confidence had rivaled Adrian's up until this point, reached back and grabbed my hand, looking up at me. I nodded and gave him a little push forward. He bit his lip and studied Adrian for a moment. Adrian studied him right back.
"Daddy?" Nick questioned uncertainly.
"Your mom gave me a picture of you," was all Adrian could muster. "You're so much bigger in person."
That was a good enough reaction for Nick because he smiled and moved closer to the couch. "I have a picture of you too," he said. "In my room. I have to keep it in the drawer sometimes if Grandpa's over, but I say goodnight to it every night."
Adrian tried to smile, but he couldn't seem to control his facial muscles anymore. They twitched, making his mouth quiver. He reached out and stroked Nick's hair back. I'd been able to control my emotions up until that point, but seeing Adrian look at Nick like that, like he was the most precious thing in the world, was too much. Tears streamed down my face as I watched my son climb onto his father's lap.
"I missed you, Daddy," he said, wrapping his arms around Adrian's neck. "Are you gonna stay at home or are you gonna leave again?"
"I missed you too, buddy." Adrian patted Nick's back and looked up at me. "And I don't want to leave again, but... I have to talk with Mommy about what we're going to do now, okay?"
The word mommy rolled awkwardly off of Adrian's tongue but other than that he was handling this situation exceptionally well. I was proud of him.
Nick nodded and pulled back to look at me. "Can Dad stay here tonight? Please, Mom?"
I smiled, wiping away the tear stains on my cheeks. "Of course he can." I sniffled. "And we'll talk tomorrow about what we're going to do. After you hang out with your dad a bit."
Nick grinned and leaned forward, grabbing a couple of action figures out of the bucket on the table. "We can wake up early and play superheroes!" he exclaimed, handing Adrian a toy. "You can be Batman."
Adrian accepted the caped action figure like a natural, nodding. "Is Batman your favorite?" he asked.
"Nah," Nick said, moving his figure's arms and legs so it looked like he was flying. "Batman's cool, but Superman's my favorite. He's a real superhero. With powers and stuff. But Batman has a better costume."
They went on like that, discussing the many subtle differences between superheroes and what made who cool, for a while. Finally, Nick's head lolled back against Adrian's shoulder and Adrian put the toys back in the bucket. He planted a soft kiss on Nick's forehead and then glanced up at me.
"You just gonna stand there all night?" he asked with a smile. I'd been watching them from my spot near the hallway. I hadn't moved since I came into the room, just quietly leaned back against the wall and took it all in. The surreal feeling of seeing Nick curled up on Adrian's lap, discussing superheroes. Now I walked over and sat next to Adrian on the couch.
"I don't have an extra room," I said quietly, "but you're more than welcome to stay. I can make up the couch or..." I shrugged, not wanting to come right out and invite him to stay in my room, but wanting him to know the option was available to him.
He nodded, not saying anything for a few moments. "I'm more concerned with where I'll be staying tomorrow. Or the next day. Or next week." He gave me a sad smile. "I know the Alchemists aren't going to just be okay with this, I know I can't just come stay with you forever. But I don't want to leave him."
"I know," I said with a small smile. I knew he'd be a good dad. "I don't want you to leave him either." Or me.
"Good," Adrian said, looking resolved about something. "Because I've been thinking. There's a house in California that I found. I think I should buy it. It would be great for Nick."
"You want to buy a house?" I asked, confused.
"Yeah," Adrian said, getting excited about the idea. He sat up a little bit making sure not to jostle the boy in his arms. "It's a great place. It's got plenty of room for Nick and even a place for an art studio so I could be home with him. And it's got a nice backyard with a great view," he added quietly. "I remember how much you like a good view."
I just stared at him for a moment. "You want to buy us a house? In California? That's what you've been doing the past three days?" I asked incredulously.
"Why?" he asked hesitantly. "Was that wrong? You don't want to move? You don't want to be with me?"
I laughed once and the sound was so full of relief I nearly laughed again. "I thought you were mad. I thought... that you wanted nothing to do with me."
Adrian swallowed roughly and reached out to brush my hair back from my face. "I was mad. I still am, I guess. But it doesn't matter." I started to tell him that it did matter, but he cut me off. "Sydney, nothing matters as long as you're with me. Just us. And Nick now, obviously."
I sniffled again, feeling the tears threatening to spill over one more time. Adrian continued stroking my hair with one hand, the other hand holding our son.
"You told him about me. Gave him a picture of me," he said quietly, almost in awe, like he hadn't been expecting it.
I smirked through the tears. "Of course I did. How could I deny him the privilege of knowing he's related to Adrian Ivashkov?"
He grinned and leaned forward, his lips just barely brushing against mine. "Sweet talker," he murmured.
I laughed and leaned into his touch, but never got the chance to kiss him. Our movement caused Nick to stir and he sat up groggily, rubbing at his eyes. I pulled back from Adrian, very reluctantly.
"Come on," I said softly. "Let's get you to bed. It's late."
"Idunwanndadleaf," Nick mumbled into Adrian's shoulder. Adrian smiled a little and sat up, holding Nick close as he got to his feet.
"What did he say?" I whispered to him, getting up myself and leading him down the hall to Nick's room.
"He said, 'I don't want Dad to leave'," Adrian said with an awed smile. "Don't worry, buddy," he said, holding Nick tightly. "I'm not gonna leave. I'll be here when you wake up."
Nick mumbled something unintelligible even to Moroi ears and wrapped his arms around Adrian's neck as we walked into his room. Adrian had to pry his little fingers apart to get Nick into his bed. I usually always put Nick to bed myself, even when my Mom or Dad or sisters wanted to. Mostly because when Nick was sleepy he reminded me even more of Adrian than he normally did. Watching the two of them now, seeing Adrian brush back Nick's hair and kiss his forehead, hearing Nick whisper, "Goodnight, Daddy," to him for the first time... How could I have ever kept them from each other?
I had done it out of fear at first, but now I wasn't afraid. I couldn't be, because no matter what the Alchemists did to me, it could never be worse than what I'd done to Adrian and Nick. I thought back on all of the nights I'd put my son to bed, all the Saturday mornings I'd woken up to see Nick in the living room watching cartoons. My brain superimposed Adrian into all of those memories. Adrian and Nick watching Bugs Bunny and eating sugary cereal. Adrian and Nick playing Legos and action figures and race cars. What I did was done out of love and fear but it didn't make it any less cruel. I made my decision right then and there that I wouldn't ever keep them apart again. Adrian would buy the house in California and Nick and I would move in with him. We'd move to Australia if we had to, but we'd stay together because we were a family. It didn't matter what the Alchemists said or did. I was done with them, for good. And Adrian and I would figure this out. I know I'd hurt him terribly, but I loved him so much. We could work it out.
Adrian pulled the blankets up around Nick's shoulders and walked over to the door. He flicked off the lights and gestured for me to follow him into the hall. "He's sound asleep," he said quietly and leaned back against the wall opposite me.
"We'll go to California with you," I said quickly before I could talk myself out of it.
Adrian did a double take. "Are you serious?"
I nodded, giving him a small smile. "Our son needs his father," I said simply. "And I've been thinking about quitting my job."
Adrian, despite my joke, was looking at me seriously. "And you're not worried that the Alchemists won't like you leaving?"
"Oh, they won't be pleased, no. But I don't care. I'll tell Stanton I quit, and she'll probably tell me that's not possible, maybe even threaten me with Re-education. It doesn't matter." I shrugged. "We need to be together."
Adrian pressed his lips together thoughtfully and then pulled away from the wall to stand closer to me. "We do, do we?" he asked with an amused grin.
I rolled my eyes. "I meant all of us. As a family."
This only seemed to amuse Adrian more. "Ah. Like a mommy," he gestured to me, "and a daddy," he gestured to himself. He stepped closer, leaning down until he was so close I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. "And their children."
"Children?" I breathed, closing my eyes.
"Yeah, you know. The small people mommies and daddies make when they get naked—"
I opened my eyes and sighed in exasperation. "Yes, Adrian. I know what children are. But... I mean, you want more? Than Nick?"
"Not right now," he said casually. "But in the future, when it's safe, yes. I can't think of anything better than having another one of those," he said, gesturing back toward Nick's room. "He's like an exact mix of us, Sydney. He's the most perfect thing I've ever seen. So, yeah. If you want to, I'd like to make another one."
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, trying not to cry again. I really wasn't much of a crier, but it was difficult when the guy you've been in love with since you were eighteen was standing right in front of you saying such perfect things. When I opened my eyes again Adrian was looking at me with a worried half-smile. I nodded my head and all but threw myself into his arms. "Yes," I whispered. "Yes, I want that. When it's safe I want to have another baby with you. One that you can be there for from the beginning."
Adrian squeezed me to him and then we were kissing, finally! I felt the tears, hot and sticky, streaming down my face as we somehow made our way into my bedroom without breaking the kiss. It felt like years had passed since he'd kissed me like this, but I knew it had only been three days. These kisses were different though. These kisses weren't weighed down by lies and guilt. These kisses were free, real. Adrian knew the truth and he still wanted me.
I crawled into my bed, dragging Adrian in with me. He immediately set to work unbuttoning my blouse. He pressed his mouth to my neck, kissing me hard enough to leave a bruise, and pushed my shirt off of my shoulders.
"Dad!" a little voice shouted from down the hall.
I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping I was hearing things. Adrian didn't seem too upset about the interruption, however.
"I guess this is what being a parent is all about, huh?" He chuckled against my neck before planting a kiss on my lips. "I'll be back," he whispered against my mouth, sending a shiver down my spine, before hopping out of bed and going to Nick's room.
I got up and changed into a pair of pajamas while I waited for Adrian to come back. After a few minutes I decided I might as well take care of notifying Stanton. I pulled my laptop off of the side table by my bed and pulled up my email. I figured this was the easiest way to handle it. She'd see it in the morning and I'd undoubtably be on the receiving end of a very aggravated phone call, but it didn't matter. It needed to be done. It was what I should have done years ago.
I sent off the email and then glanced at a few of the messages I'd received and hadn't responded to yet. I guess I didn't have to worry about getting back to any of them now. I was just about to shut down the computer when I noticed a new email from Stanton. My heart jumped into my throat and my mouse hovered over the message. I didn't think she'd be up and working this late. Finally I mustered the courage to click the email.
Ms. Sage,
I received your message about leaving the Alchemists. While this request is quite imprudent, I can't say it was entirely unexpected of you. I take this news to mean your trip to Los Angeles was... productive?
What? I read the message again and then a third time before I finally understood. I typed back a hasty reply, hoping she was still online and that I hadn't completely misconstrued her message.
You knew. You knew he'd be in L.A. at that hotel. You sent me there on purpose because you knew.
Her reply came a minute later.
You know I adore that little boy of yours, Sydney, but I know a dhampir when I see one.
My heart seized up seeing it written so plainly on the screen. Dhampir. The word I'd been trying to avoid ever since I found out I was pregnant. I didn't care that Nick was a dhampir, but there were many people in our lives that would see him as evil if they ever found out. I'd always thought Stanton was at the top of that list.
So you know. And you're okay with it?
Her reply took a little longer this time.
It doesn't matter if I'm okay or not. It only matters that you are. He's going to get older and it will be harder to hide what he is. Both of you could be in danger if anyone else found out. If you want to disappear, then I'll make it happen. Get out of your apartment as soon as possible and don't contact me again. I have to go. I have a lot of paperwork to file in the morning.
D. Stanton
P.S. Be careful.
I blinked at the glowing laptop screen a few times. I couldn't believe Stanton had known, that she'd set up the whole trip to L.A. so I would run into Adrian. It was incredible, but so weird. I never thought she liked me very much, certainly not enough to cover up for me. But that was exactly what she was offering to do. I closed my laptop and put it back on my nightstand, feeling a strange anxiety wash over me. Partly it was from fear. I was scared that the Alchemists would find out what I was planning before I could get out of town. I trusted Stanton and believed she'd help, but I didn't like anyone knowing about Nick or Adrian.
The other part of my anxiety was simply from all that tomorrow would entail. I'd need to pack all of our essentials, like clothes and personal belongings. The other stuff could all get left behind, I didn't care. And we'd have to figure out where we'd stay for awhile.
I'm sure we could stay with Adrian, I told myself. He must have an apartment or someplace we could stay until he buys the house.
I smiled to myself thinking about the house. I hadn't even seen it yet, but I was already imagining living there with Adrian and Nick and any other kids we had. We were going to be a real family. A mommy and daddy and their children, just like Adrian had said. And the Alchemists wouldn't bother us. Stanton was going to take care of it.
I hopped out of bed, dying to tell Adrian about the conversation with Stanton. Just knowing he was there, right down the hall, and I could tell him about it, about anything, made my heart skip a beat. I wasn't in this alone anymore. When I got to Nick's room the sight before me was nearly enough to make me tear up again. The lights were on and Adrian was squeezed onto Nick's twin bed, one leg balancing precariously on the edge. Nick was curled into a ball in Adrian's arms, his head on his shoulder, and his scratchy blue dress shirt thrown haphazardly on the floor beside the bed.
I walked over, slowly, trying not to wake them and brushed some hair out of Nick's face. He snuggled closer to Adrian. Then I did the same to Adrian, pressing a kiss to his forehead and trying not to grin like an idiot about how cute this scene was. I found an extra blanket in the closet and pulled it over both of them and was just about to flip the lights off and go back to bed when I heard the chirp of Adrian's phone. I went out to the living room to search out the phone and, luckily, it chirped again. I found it on the end table where he must have placed it earlier.
I wasn't snooping or anything, but I had a pretty good idea of who was texting him, and when I glanced at the screen my suspicions were confirmed.
The name Jailbait filled the screen and the message said: He's too cute! You better send me a picture, Adrian.
I couldn't help it. I took the phone and went back into Nick's room. I snapped a photo and sent it to Jill. I knew she was probably mad at me, since she could see everything through the bond, but I hoped she would appreciate the picture.
A few moments later the phone dinged again and I glanced at the message.
That is the most precious thing I have ever seen.
And then: It's good to have you back, Sydney.
I smiled and flipped the lights off, going back to my room and putting Adrian's phone down on his side of the bed. I got into bed thinking that this would be my life from now on. Or at least, I hoped it would. Adrian and I raising Nick, living in California. No more Alchemists to worry about. I was still scared of them. I'd be scared for awhile, but eventually it would fade. It would all be okay. And even if it wasn't, I wasn't on my own anymore. I had Adrian to help me when I was scared. I closed my eyes and fell asleep to that thought.
Whew! That was a long chapter! Sorry if it was too long for you.
Okay, so my authors note is down here because I didn't want to give anything about the story away by putting it at the top. If you've been reading other Bloodlines fanfics you'll probably know the two awesome stories that this chapter was inspired by. Endgame by LGP, which is just fantastic and delves way deeper into Sydney bailing after finding out she's pregnant, and Back to You by stirringofmysoul, which is in the M category. Seriously, Back to You was an awesome read and is now complete with a sequel just beginning. So if you liked this chapter and haven't read those stories yet, go check them out. After reading them I just couldn't shake the idea of Adrian finding out he had a kid after such a long time. I know I've already done something similar with chapter 3 - Pink Blanket, but I wanted to see what would happen if his kid was older when they met. Plus I really wanted to give him a son ;)
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. It took me forever to write so hopefully now I'll have a few shorter (much shorter!) updates for you.