Chapter 23 – I Was Afraid

"Have you called her?" Kurt asked.

Rachel sighed into the phone. "No."

"Why not?" Kurt asked, and she could practically hear him rolling his eyes at her.

"I don't even know if she would want to talk to me now," Rachel said, running her hand through her hair.

"Well, maybe if you would just talk to her, you would know," Kurt pointed out.

"It's not that simple." Rachel stated.

"It could be," Kurt replied. "I may not know what's going on, but I do know you're probably making it more complicated than it has to be. I love you, but you don't always make things simple. Just call her."

"I can't, Kurt," Rachel said, shaking her head.

"You can't avoid her forever," Kurt replied with a sigh.

"There's someone out here asking for you," April said, popping her head into the back.

"Who is it?" Rachel asked, wondering who would be there to see her.

"How the hell should I know?" April said, rolling her eyes. "It's some blonde girl."

"Is she taller than you?" Rachel asked.

"Why does that matter?" April asked back.

"Because I would like to know who it is," Rachel stated.

"She's about my height," April answered.

Rachel froze; she had really hoped it was Zoe that was there to see her. She wasn't prepared to talk to Quinn, but there really wasn't any way out of it. She could slip out the back, but then she would be leaving work and the other woman obviously knew she was there. Taking a deep breath, she set the box she was holding down. She quickly ran her hand over her hair to make sure her ponytail wasn't all over the place and then ran her hands over her apron.

"Are you coming?" April asked.

"Tell her I will be there in a minute," Rachel said.

"Do I look like your own personal messenger?" April asked.

"Can you just tell her?" Rachel asked. "Please?"

April disappeared and Rachel hoped she was relaying her message. Her coworker wasn't in a great mood that day and was arguing with Rachel about every little thing. She was certainly used to her mood swings after working with her over the past few months, but it was still exhausting sometimes. Rachel already hadn't been feeling well that day, so April's attitude was putting her in a worse mood than when she came in. Now with the knowledge that she was going to have to speak with Quinn, Rachel really wished she had just called into work that day like she'd been thinking about.

"What's going on?" Kurt asked.

"Quinn is here," Rachel replied. "I'll talk to you when I get home."

Rachel hung up, walked toward the door, and took a deep breath, preparing herself. She didn't know what Quinn was going to say, but she imagined she wasn't very happy with her right now. She had been avoiding her calls for the past two weeks; she felt bad about it, but she needed some time. She knew she should have just called and told Quinn that, but she really didn't know how to explain herself at the moment. She wasn't even sure if she understood herself.

When she finally walked into the room, Quinn was standing off to the side with her arms crossed over her chest. As Rachel suspected, she didn't look very happy. She wondered if the old Quinn was about to come out and flinched at the thought. Quinn could say some hurtful things when she wasn't even angry, so she could only imagine what it would be like when she was genuinely upset with her.

"Hello," Rachel said, not quite meeting Quinn's eyes as she walked up to her.

"So you can talk," Quinn said.

Rachel sighed. "I deserve that."

"Yes, you do," Quinn agreed.

"I'm sor—"

"I don't need you to apologize," Quinn interrupted. "I just need to know what's going on. You haven't been returning my calls or my texts and I didn't just want to show up at your apartment and risk Beth overhearing us. I know you're working, but can we talk?"

"Go," April stated. "I'll cover you."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked, surprised that she was offering.

April shrugged. "You owe me."

"Are you hungry?" Quinn asked.

She wasn't really that hungry, but she nodded, nevertheless and said, "Let me get my bag."

She walked behind Quinn silently, wondering what was going on in the blonde's head. She figured Quinn must be angry with her, but if she was, she wasn't showing it. Her face was completely unreadable at the moment. It was frustrating, but Rachel supposed she deserved it considering her behavior over the past two weeks. She could only imagine how frustrated Quinn was with her right now after being ignored and avoided for apparently no reason.

"Is this okay?" Quinn asked, walking into the restaurant before Rachel could even answer.

Rachel followed her into the cafe and hesitantly took a seat when Quinn sat down. The blonde was watching her intently, but Rachel was still avoided her eyes. She knew this was probably it for them and she had no one to blame but herself. She just hoped they could remain on friendly terms since Beth was still a factor, and they would have to continue to see each other.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Quinn asked.

Rachel sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apology," Quinn stated. "I need you to tell me what happened. The last thing you said to me was that I needed to leave your apartment. I've called you every day; I even called Kurt just to make sure you were okay, but he had no idea what was going on, either. So, can you tell me? I promised I wouldn't shut you out and then you did that very thing to me."

"I panicked," Rachel admitted, ducking her head. "Everything was going so perfectly and I just—I don't know. I was avoiding your calls because I didn't know what to say that didn't sound ridiculous. I still don't."

"Try me," Quinn said.

Rachel took a deep breath. "Like I said—things were going so perfectly and I think it scared me that things were going so perfectly with you. Sometimes I feel like I'm inevitably going to get hurt in this relationship; the more I fall for you, the more scared I am that it's going to happen. And I know it's not really fair to you because you're not the person you used to be, but it's hard not to feel like you're going to hurt me. When things—progressed a little and we were interrupted, it hit me that I don't know if I would have stopped what we were doing and I'm just not ready for that yet."

"Rachel," Quinn said, reaching out, and putting her hand over Rachel's. "I wasn't trying to pressure you."

"I know," Rachel replied.

"We can go at whatever pace you're comfortable with," Quinn stated.

Rachel looked up. "Does this mean you're not breaking up with me?"

"I'm not exactly happy with you right now," Quinn said, shaking her head. "But no."

"I figured I screwed everything up," Rachel replied. "I just felt so silly for panicking like I did and then I was afraid you wouldn't understand." Rachel sighed. "I really am sorry for my behavior."

"Next time, instead of just thinking I won't understand, will you talk to me, anyway?" Quinn asked. "I had no idea what was going on. I thought maybe I'd done something wrong, and when you wouldn't call me back, I thought—" Quinn sighed and shook her head. "I didn't know if you were ever going to talk to me again."

"Believe me, you did nothing wrong," Rachel stated. "And I promise I will never do that again."

"If you need space, just tell me, okay?" Quinn asked.

"Okay," Rachel said with a nod. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Are you free anytime tomorrow?" Quinn asked.

"I have a break around noon," Rachel replied.

"Can we meet for lunch?" Quinn asked.

"I—yes, of course," Rachel answered. "I must admit, I'm a little confused; I thought you would be angry with me."

"I am, but I haven't seen you in two weeks and I missed you," Quinn replied.

Rachel smiled softly. "You did?"

"Of course," Quinn said, rolling her eyes. "Why do you always sound so surprised when I insinuate that I like spending time with you?"

"Because no one has really ever said it to me before," Rachel said, ducking her head. "I know I can be a bit much sometimes and people tend to get tired of being around me after an extended period of time. Or sometimes even after a few hours."

She couldn't help but smile at the thought of Quinn missing her. She was used to the opposite—people telling her she was too clingy—so it was a first for her. And the fact that it was Quinn Fabray that was saying it made it even stranger. Once in high school, Quinn told Rachel that she made her want to crawl out of her own skin any time they had to be in the same room together. It had hurt at the time because all she'd ever wanted was some sort of acceptance from the blonde. By that time she had given up any hope of forming a friendship with Quinn, but it would have been nice to have at least been tolerated by her. But now Quinn was here telling Rachel that she had missed her.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Quinn asked.

Rachel shrugged. "No reason." She grabbed the menu from the table and opened it. "So, what's good here?"

"I see you're still in one piece," Kurt commented the moment Rachel walked through the door.

"I am," Rachel replied with a slight smile.

"So, are you going to tell me how it went or am I going to have to guess?" Kurt asked.

"Where's Beth?" Rachel asked as she hung her bag on one of the hooks by the door.

"Playing in her room," Kurt answered. "Now, tell me what happened. Everything that happened. I'm your best friend and I don't appreciate being in the dark about things."

Rachel sighed and motioned for Kurt to sit down. She really didn't want to tell him about her panicking—she knew the look he would give her—but she supposed she couldn't put it off any longer. He had been relatively respectful about it so far, and now that it was resolved, she guessed he deserved to know. Especially since he'd tried making her feel better despite not having any clue what was going on.

"On our last date, things began—progressing a little," Rachel said.

Kurt's eyebrow shot up. "Progressing how?"

"I may have ended up without my shirt," Rachel said, feeling her cheeks burn. "Then Beth had a nightmare, which snapped me out of what was happening."

"Would you have—"

"I don't know," Rachel answered. "But I realize I was moving too quickly and then I panicked. Not just over that, but the fact that things were going so well with Quinn. It scares me that I'm falling for her and that she could easily hurt me if she wanted to. She makes me feel vulnerable and I hate feeling like that, especially after my past few relationships."

"So, you freaked out?" Kurt asked, though it was really more of a statement.

"I did," Rachel admitted. "And then I felt so silly for freaking out and ignoring her that I continued doing so because I didn't know if she would understand. It's embarrassing, really."

"I have a question for you and please don't freak out again," Kurt said.

"I don't know if I like the sound of that," Rachel remarked.

"You say you're falling for her," Kurt stated.

"Yes?" Rachel replied.

"Are you in love with her?" Kurt asked.

"I'm—" Rachel paused and took a deep breath. "I'm getting there. And that's what really terrifies me. You know me—I love the idea of being in love—but this is Quinn. I know she's changed quite a bit and I'm trying to move past everything that's happened between us, but do you think we could possibly have a happy ending? Could she really be the person I'm meant to be with? For years, I was convinced that Finn was my soul mate, and I think a small part of me always thought we may end up together sometime down the road, but now—now I don't think so."

"Okay, I'm going to ignore that last part since you assured me long ago you never ever get back together with him," Kurt said, holding up his hand. "But as far as Quinn goes, I don't know. Considering how complicated everything is, I don't think it will be easy, but what relationship is? Mine and Blaine's relationship should have been easy, but then he cheated on me, so I don't think that's any indication of whether or not you'll make it."

"Sometimes this doesn't feel real," Rachel said, putting her head in her hands.

"Tell me about it," Kurt said with a smirk. "Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray dating. Please let me be the one to tell Mercedes."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Some friend you are."

"I am a wonderful friend, thank you very much," Kurt replied. "I just know she's going to have an aneurysm and I want to be there to see it. Speaking of—when are you going to start telling people?"

"I don't know," Rachel answered. "We haven't really discussed it. Or our relationship status. I mean, we've been on three dates and we've met several other times, but I don't know if that means she's my girlfriend or if we're simply dating."

Kurt's eyebrow rose. "I'm shocked; you're usually obsessed over defining your relationship."

"Yes, and most of those relationships ended quickly because I was too clingy," Rachel pointed out. "I don't want that to happen this time, so I'm letting things progress naturally."

"And for once, you were the one who freaked out," Kurt commented. "I think that's a first."

Rachel blushed. "Can we not discuss that anymore? It's not my proudest moment and I feel terrible that I made Quinn worry like that."

"Two weeks—"

"Kurt!" Rachel interrupted.

"Okay, okay," Kurt said, holding up his hands in defeat. "I won't mention it again."

"Thank you," Rachel replied. "Now, I'm going to check on Beth. I thought we could have a family night in since school starts tomorrow."

"Good idea; I think I'm going to order something out," Kurt said as he stood. "Are you hungry?"

"No," Rachel said over her shoulder. "I ate with Quinn."

Kurt nodded and called after her, "Find out if Beth wants anything."

"Okay," Rachel replied as she walked to Beth's bedroom.

"Hi, Daddy," Rachel said as she answered her phone.

"How are you, baby girl?" Leroy asked.

"I'm well," Rachel said, standing from the couch to go someplace a little quieter.

"Tomorrow's the big day," Leroy said. "Is Beth excited?"

"She is," Rachel said with a smile. "We're spending the night doing activities of her choosing. So far we've colored and now we're watching Brave. We're going to have to get her to bed soon, though, if we don't want her to be late for her first day."

Leroy laughed loudly. "I don't think that would make a great first impression."

"No," Rachel agreed.

"Don't forget pictures!" Hiram yelled in the background.

"Your father would like me to remind you to take plenty of pictures tomorrow," Leroy said. "We will both eagerly be awaiting them."

"I will send them the moment I say goodbye to her," Rachel replied.

"Good," Leroy said. "I actually had to convince your father not to take off work just so we could go up there and see Beth on her first day of kindergarten."

Rachel laughed as she shook her head. That sounded exactly like something her fathers would do and she wasn't surprised at all that it had been something they'd discussed. They were always very enthusiastic when it came to certain milestones in Rachel's life and apparently they were going to be that way with Beth, too.

"We're putting you on speakerphone," Leroy said.

"Hi, sweetie," Hiram said, loud and clear.

"Hi, Dad," Rachel replied with a smile. "How is everything going there?"

"The usual," Hiram said with a laugh. "Work's work. What about you? Is there anything interesting going on in your life?"

"Classes are going well," Rachel answered. "Work is—well, I'm beginning to think I should find a different job that pays a little more, but it's difficult with my schedule. Zoe has been wonderful with helping out with Beth these past few weeks. I really don't know what we would have done without her. Did you get the pictures I sent you?"

"We did," Leroy answered. "One of them is already framed and hanging above the mantle."

Rachel laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because you know us," Leroy joked.

"So, other than school and work, how are things?" Hiram asked. "Is there anyone special in your life?"

"What makes you ask that?" Rachel wondered.

"Well, school started and both years you have met someone at the beginning of the school year," Hiram answered.

"I don't know if I would count Michael," Rachel commented. "We only went on two dates."

"I think she's dodging the question," Leroy remarked.

"I do, too," Hiram agreed.

Rachel sighed. "I'm not dodging the question."

"Then why aren't you answering it?" Hiram asked before gasping. "Oh my; there is someone special, isn't there?"

"There's—maybe," Rachel said, looking down.

"And you've been holding out on us," Hiram replied.

"Well, who is it?" Leroy asked.

"We've only been on a few dates," Rachel said with a sigh.

"That's never stopped you from telling us everything before," Leroy said, laughing.

"I just don't know how happy you will be when I tell you," Rachel replied.

"Oh dear—you're not back with Finn Hudson, are you?" Hiram asked.

"No," Rachel said, emphatically shaking her head even if they couldn't see it. "Definitely not." She took a deep breath, preparing herself. "I've been going out with Quinn."

There was silence on the other end; this was exactly why she had avoided telling them so far. Thankfully, they hadn't brought up her love life in their past few conversations, so she hadn't had to lie about it. She generally avoided talking about Quinn with them because she knew how much they still disliked her even though she'd told her fathers that Quinn had changed. She knew they didn't trust her and that they still held a grudge over all the things she put Rachel through. She couldn't blame them, though; they hadn't really been around her to know what she was like now..

"Are you two okay?" Rachel asked after a prolonged silence.

"I'm sorry, I think your father and I are both a little stunned," Leroy replied.

"Quinn Fabray?" Hiram asked.

"Yes, Quinn Fabray," Rachel answered.

"Well, I can't say I'm not surprised," Leroy commented. "I knew you two were becoming friends, but you failed to tell us you were developing romantic feelings for the girl. I mean, we thought you might have a slight crush on her in high school, but we thought that went away."

"The movie's over!" Kurt called out.

"The movie just ended, so we should probably get Beth to bed," Rachel said, relieved to get out of the conversation.

"Okay, but you call us tomorrow," Hiram said.

"I will," Rachel promised. "But will you two do me a favor? Can you please think about giving Quinn another chance? I know you don't like her, but I do."

"Of course," Leroy answered.

"Thank you," Rachel replied. "I love you."

"We love you, too," Leroy said.

"Don't forget to send those pictures tomorrow," Hiram added.

Rachel smiled. "I won't. Goodnight."

"I didn't think she was ever going to fall asleep," Kurt whispered as Rachel closed the curtains to Beth's room.

"I know," Rachel replied. "I think she's just excited about tomorrow. I know I still have problems falling asleep the night before school is going to begin again."

Kurt laughed as he grabbed a throw from the couch and began to fold it. "I don't have a hard time believing that."

Rachel scowled at him for a moment and then began helping him pick up the living room. It wasn't too messy, but there were a few toys lying around. They usually had Beth pick them up before bedtime, but they had forgone for that night. And Rachel was glad they did because it took nearly two hours to get Beth to sleep. They read to her, they sang, they talked to her, they made up a story, and they tried just sitting there being quiet, but nothing worked. Eventually, she finally drifted off to sleep, but that was probably only because it was getting very late. She hoped they didn't have too much trouble getting her up in the morning because Rachel refused to let her be late on her first day.

"So, how are your fathers doing?" Kurt asked. "I'm shocked they didn't make a surprise visit this weekend."

Rachel laughed. "Apparently Dad wanted to, but Daddy talked him out of it. And they're doing fine." She cleared her throat and glanced up. "I told them about Quinn."

"I thought you weren't going to tell them for a while," Kurt replied.

"Well, I wasn't going to, but they asked if there was anyone special in my life and I wasn't going to lie to them," Rachel said with a shrug. "It's one thing to not bring the subject up, but it's another to lie once it does come up. I know they're not very happy about it and will probably have a lot of concerns the next time we talk, but once they get to know her, I think they will be okay with it. They're both very forgiving people, and they just need to give her a chance."

"Good luck," Kurt replied.

Rachel sighed. "Thanks."

Considering Quinn was there and her fathers were in Lima, she knew it was going to be a little more difficult to get them on board with her relationship. She could say all the good things about Quinn that she wanted, but she knew they were going to have to see it for themselves. They had met Quinn at the cookout, but there was a lot going on then, so they really didn't speak to her very much. The next time her fathers came to New York, she was definitely going to have to get the four of them to go out and have dinner. If she was going to become more serious with Quinn, she didn't want her fathers disliking her. They were too important to her and she really wanted everyone in her life to get along.

"What time are you getting up?" Kurt asked.

"Probably around five-thirty," Rachel answered with a yawn. "That way I can be ready before I have to wake Beth."

Kurt nodded. "I thought I would make breakfast unless you think she would rather eat out."

"I think she would probably love it if you made waffles," Rachel replied.

"Is Quinn coming tomorrow morning?" Kurt asked.

"No, I asked her today if she would like to, but she has a class at eight that she can't miss," Rachel replied. "Noah called yesterday about it. I have promised everyone that I will take lots of pictures and video."

"That reminds me," Kurt said, walking across the room.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"I need to charge the battery for the camera," Kurt said, opening the drawer they kept it in.

"Good idea," Rachel replied. "You can record with it while I take pictures with my phone."

"We'll be those parents that embarrass their child on their first day," Kurt said with a laugh.

"I hope not, but we can blame my fathers," Rachel said, shaking her head, and smiling. "They did it to me and now they're making me do it to Beth." She looked at the time and sighed. "I should get some sleep if I'm going to be up so early."

"I'll set my alarm, but if I'm not up when you get out of the shower, wake me," Kurt instructed.

Rachel nodded as she kissed Kurt on the cheek. "Night."

"Sweet dreams," Kurt called after her.