A/N: Okay, still don't really know what I'm doing with this, but since I finally caught up with the Flash, my love for SnowBarry has reemerged and I feel compelled to write about it...so please let me know what you think and leave me a review!

Caitlin stared vacantly at the wall, reliving the moment. The moment she had deliberately used her powers - the exact thing she had sworn not to do. She couldn't risk it, couldn't risk becoming her doppleganger from Earth 2. Couldn't risk becoming a deadly killer. She knew that, but yet, in the moment, she had ignored all logic and had freed Barry from his prison. She just couldn't...just couldn't leave him there. Trapped in that mirror. And so she had broken all her carefully created rules and had released a trickle of that force that churned inside of her, yearning to be set free. It was dangerous, and her control had almost slipped...but it hadn't. Not that time. Regardless, she was a threat. She didn't have control, not yet, and she refused to test her powers to see if she could develop some form of control.

Her breath puffed out in a wispy fog as the air around her started dropping in temperature, her powers reacting to her inner turmoil. Eyes widening in alarm, Caitlin shivered more out of fear than out of cold (she didn't really get cold anymore, at least on the outside) and wrenched her mind back to the conversation.

"You okay, Caitlin?" Cisco asked in a whisper so that they didn't attract the attention of everyone else in the lab. The whole team was there - Barry, Joe, Iris, Wally - and they were telling the new Harrison Wells about their operation, but Caitlin had zoned out of the conversation.

"I'm fine," she whispered back, her eyes darting around nervously as she checked to see if anyone had noticed the sudden chill in the air. "Just distracted."

Cisco didn't look convinced, but he nodded, one hand absentmindedly rubbing the arm closest to her which was now covered in goosebumps. Suddenly, he called out, "My turn!" and jumped from his seat, moving to the new Harrison. "Wanna see the lab?"

Various members of the team chuckled and they started following Cisco as a group, but Caitlin started zoning out again, reliving that moment. That rush of power as the ice raced from her fingertips to incase the mirror, the almost painful but also exhilarating sensation of using her power and freeing the ice inside of her, the fear that accompanied the exhilaration - fear that she would become evil, a killer. Fear that the power and the rush would consume her until she became her worst nightmare. Fear that she would wake up one morning and not recognize herself.

"You coming, Cait?" a voice broke into her thoughts, and she blinked a couple times, realizing that Barry stood in front of her.

"Wha...I, yes," she babbled nervously, not meeting his eyes.

Taking a step closer to where she sat, Barry leaned forward and captured her gaze with his. "Cait, is everything okay?" The real concern in his voice touched her, more deeply than she would have thought.

"Of course," she said brightly, hoping her false cheerfulness would convince him. However, this was Barry, and as their late-night conversation earlier that week in the lab had proved, he could see right through her. "It's nothing."

"Is it about Zoom?"

The sound of his name made her flinch. She had been trying not to think of him, not to think of the gaping hole in her heart that Jay had been starting to fill before he revealed that he was a sadistic killer and a kidnapper, but the nightmares kept coming back. It was hard to not relive something as traumatic as that. She bit her lip and looked away.

Barry kneeled down in front of her and put his hand comfortingly on hers. "Because he's gone, and I'm here, and it's over."

"I know," she whispered, still looking away. She felt tears starting to well up in her eyes, but she fiercely blinked them away, refusing to cry in front of Barry. "I know," she repeated once she had composed herself again, "but he...Barry...he told me you were dead." She kept avoiding remembering that moment where she had been positive that she had lost Barry forever. That moment of heart-wrenching despair, worse than when she had found out that Jay was Zoom.

Barry's hand, the one not touching hers, moved to her face and turned her to meet his eyes again. "I'm not dead, Cait. I'm fine."

"I know - I'm just being silly," she mustered a trembling smile for his benefit. "It just still feels so real, sometimes…"

"...but at the same time, like some horrible nightmare?" he finished her thought with a wry smile. "I know. And it'll get better with time, trust me. I'm kinda an expert on time."

Caitlin couldn't help but grin slightly - a real smile - at Barry's lame joke. "I guess I'm just glad you're alive." And I couldn't bear to lose you again, she added silently, unable to say the words and express just how much he meant to her. More than she'd ever thought. That was the real reason she had risked everything, risked losing control and becoming a slave to her icy powers, to free Barry - she couldn't lose him again and she would do anything to keep him safe.

Even if it scared her.

"Me too." He shot her that crooked grin of his and rose to his feet. "Ready to join the others?"

Caitlin hesitated. She really didn't want to be around anyone else right now, and so she quickly made up an excuse. "I, uh, actually need to be getting home," she lied. "I have to...do laundry…" her voice trailed off and she nearly winced at her abysmal lying skills.

The look in Barry's eyes told her that he didn't believe her, but that he wasn't going to call her on her lie. "Of course. But, Cait," he said as he turned to go, "if you need anything, I'm here. Always." He shot her one last smile and sped away to join the team in the lab.

"Thanks," she whispered after his retreating figure.

…

Showering had used to be a comfort for Caitlin - a moment of peace where she could turn her thoughts off and just enjoy the warmth and the soothing sensation of washing her hair. She loved the steam that covered the shower doors and the feel of the spray against her skin.

Everything had changed now.

Somehow, the warmth set off her powers and she ended up covered in soap and standing in a homemade freezer, and she had yet figure out how to get around the problem. Taking cool showers was unpleasant, but at least then she could complete the shower without freezing every drop of water in her vicinity. That was what she was just finishing as she stepped out of the shower, still frozen inside and sweeping her wet hair into a towel above her head. Nothing could warm her up any more - on the outside, her body had adapted and cold no longer bothered her. However, on the inside, she felt frozen. Numb. Whether it was due to her powers or due to the gaping hole in her heart left from Ronnie and Jay, she couldn't say. All she knew was that the chill inside continued to worsen, day by day.

Pulling the towel of her head, she dreaded what she'd see as she looked in the mirror - if her last shower had been any indication, there would be more streaks of white. The mirror confirmed her fears - a handful of strands gleamed, white as snow, amidst her brunette hair. She groaned and leaned over the bathroom sink, feeling overwhelmed. She was so lost in her despair that the sound of a knock on the door made her jump and nearly yelp in alarm.

"Coming," she called, grabbing her pink fluffy robe to cover herself and wrapping her hair back in the towel before heading to the door. Before opening it, she took a couple deep breaths, trying to seem normal. "Barry!" she said, surprised to see him standing on her doorstep. "What are you doing here? Don't you have plans with Iris?"

"She's working on some article," Barry explained, his hands in his pockets, "so I thought I'd come over and check on you. Something seemed off earlier."

"Oh," Caitlin said, feeling a rush of sudden, inexplicable butterflies in her stomach at his caring. "Thanks. But really, I'm good. Great, even," she added. "Thanks for stopping by." She started to close the door, but Barry stuck his foot in.

"Cait, please," he asked. "Let me in?" He looked at her imploringly, his sincere concern clear to her.

Reluctantly, she moved backwards and allowed him to enter the apartment, self-consciously adjusting the short robe so that it covered more of her bare legs. As she did so, her towel slipped and fell from her hair to the ground, allowing her mass of wet hair to fall around her shoulders. She froze.

Barry stared. "Caitlin…?"

"It's not what you think," she said frantically.

"Why is some of your hair white?" he asked the question she was dreading, the question that could change their friendship forever, the question that could make her lose him all over again.

She just stared at him in mute horror.

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