BioWare owns all but what I made up. : )
Sorry this was delayed, the site wouldn't let me upload it until now. : (
I am glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. So far things have been going really well for our intrepid hero, a little too good. And as we all know, Life likes to throw our tits in a wringer on occasion, without challenge, there is no growth. And while I have been doing a lot of "action" writing, this chapter will have to be more about the emotional aftermath of such betrayal and destruction. And so it is going to be hard to write for me, I tend to put myself in the places of people and try to feel what they would feel.
Thank you all for the reviews, including Night Hunter who is still following and reviewing despite computer issues, which are always such a pain in the arse. Now that is dedication!
To Greyism's generosity, I am humbled. To Shanda, Misame, Jeanny, Phoenix Fire Lady, Sincerity, Serika, kjmisme, Violet Theirin, Sagebeth, Isawa Sadako, Ruttan, Patchwork Toy, Ondjage, Cataclysmic Eclipse, Kelly Lynne, Andraste's Knickers, CynderJenn, Hallawes, Akane Yamabuki, Lisette57, phoenixandashes, hetekos, Riannya(my newest fan : ), I wanted to say thanks to you all personally here. I am overwhelmed and humbled by your support. So a shout out of much gratitude to bolster myself for Chapter 46 (and others, I think this emotional aftermath may span multi-chapters) and its emotional roller coaster. I know this chapter is going to hurt writing it. Hang on to your hats; it's going to be a bumpy ride, as Bette Davis once said.
Blessings! : )
Someone put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a shake. Her ears still felt as though wool was stuffed in them, she must not have heard her name. Or maybe it was being caught in her own world of loss and despair. Kai looked up, her eyes still filled with tears. They just wouldn't stop, or was it the rain? She realized that they must have been surrounding her for some time. She gently laid Lelyth's body back on the ground, since she had been cradling it. The red of her blood on the green grass was so bright in this light. For how long had she held her, it could have been years. Kai felt old, old, old.
It was Zevran who had shaken her. He was sporting more cuts, including a nasty one that trailed blood down his arm. Sten stood behind him with what looked like a hole in his shoulder, a gash across his abdomen and another across one large muscled thigh, all of which he seemed oblivious to. Morrigan had minor cuts, but the deep dark circles under her eyes told Kai her major injury was that she was depleted of mana. Leliana apparently had not been able to keep all her opposition at bay with her bow, as she too had several gashes that suggested close in fighting. Her Scath stood around them in various states of trauma. She didn't see Shale, Oghren, or Keiron. Wynne bent down to try and minister to Kai's wounds, but she waved her off, "Save it for the others. These injuries are nothing I have not had before."
"Really, or is it that you want to punish yourself?" Wynne asked her crisply.
"Both" Kai just kept looking at Lelyth's body and then at her hands and shirt sleeves which were covered in the girl's blood. Kai used her bloody fingertips to close Lelyth's unseeing eyes which had filled with rain, making her look as though she were crying as well, crying over her betrayal and a leader who should have done better by her. Kai was reminded of her nightmare, just one more body to add to the group on top of the nightmare Fort Drakon. "Betrayer, you betrayed us all," and she had, hadn't she, by not seeing a snake in their midst. "Where are Shale and the rest?"
"Keiron is wounded badly, but he will live," Zev's tone held the barest undercurrent of 'unfortunately' in it. "Oghren is taking care of Shale. She was shielding some villagers from a bomb." He put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from jumping up, "Oghren found some plaster cement mixture that the Dalish use to fix broken statues of their gods on their travels. We have used it before as a bandage for Shale. The living stone will heal. It is getting her to stay still that is the problem. I estimate you have lost maybe one third of the Scath who came with us, including Lelyth, others sport injuries varying in degrees. One has lost his arm, but he will live."
"You will need to include Erys in that number, as I killed her." Kai still sat looking at her red hands and blood splattered sleeves and her blood soaked pants. She heard the intake of breath and the mumbling of her Scath behind her, so she explained without taking her eyes from her hands and lap what happened. How Erys had told her about Lady Aldonza, How Erys planned on killing her in her tent with the bomb, how it was Erys who had betrayed them all, for power and revenge.
"Had she told Bann Loren who you are?" Kai felt Zev squeeze her shoulder hard with concern.
"No, she told him she would give him the head of 'The Silver Griffon' in exchange for men to stop the rebellion. She meant to betray him and present my head to Anora after finding out how much of a reward there would be for 'The Hero of Ferelden' instead. And with the deaths of my children, Anora would certainly have given her a bonus." Kai looked up at the still, gray, cloudy sky with the softly misting rain. A part of her mind was fascinated that it was still falling as it had been just a few hours ago. Really, it felt like an eternity since she was stepping out of the tent thinking of nothing more than cooking rabbits for supper. Kai felt as if she were moving in slow motion. Zev's hand squeezed harder and shook her.
"Kai, the twins," She heard his fear.
"They are fine, as far as I know, they are not in the Fade, Alistair told me so." And if they had been you wouldn't be talking to me right now, she thought. "Fiona must have taken them and Argus out of the tent before the bomb went off. I sent Naseel to find them and take them to the safe house back near Denerim."
"Or at least that is what the Scathach told me to do, but I am afraid that the lady mage had other ideas. And Argus would not leave her or the babes," Naseel's exasperated voice came from behind her. Kai did heave herself up with the sword as a cane again as she watched Fiona, carrying the huge handled basket that they often put the twins in for transport, come striding forward with Argus and Naseel at her heels. Fiona walked up to Kai and put the basket down gently. The top was covered with a blanket to keep out the rain. Kai reached out a hand and gently lifted it to see Fi and Duncan sleeping peacefully, their little thumbs in their mouths. She swayed with relief as Zev's hand grabbed her upper arm, steadying her. She started to reach out and touch them, but the bright red of her bloody hand against the blanket stopped her. She was not going to touch them with death on her fingers, she put the blanket back.
"I heard the first explosion. I have heard that sound before when I was in the Tevinter Imperium on Grey Warden business. The Qunari were attacking with their cannons," Fiona told her. "I got the twins, put them in the basket and grabbed Argus. We went and hid in the woods.
"It is a black powder my people call 'The Lion's Roar,'" Sten explained. "Apparently this Erys had some. It needs only to be put in a bottle or jar with a rag that has been dipped in something flammable. One lights the rag, and when the fire gets to the powder, it explodes, it is best not to hold it once it is lit"
"Well, it is very effective." Kai's voice sounded bitter to her own ears.
"Indeed."
"Fiona, we need a safe place for the twins." Kai spoke to the marbari before addressing her second, "Argus, 'cosain.' Naseel, I need you to talk to Zaeed on the procul globe, tell him that Erys betrayed us and that she was working for Lady Aldonza. Tell him to inform Ignacio." Naseel nodded, "Then I need you to ride to the mages' tower, we need lyrium for mana potions." Kai realized she didn't have any coins on her, and what she had in the way of money was probably scattered around the area as it was all in the tent. She was about to hand Naseel her 'cane' to sell when Zev handed her the coin pouch containing all the money they had brought on this trip. She had forgotten he was going to do the shopping for their meal, well, at least something was going right, thank the Maker.
She dug into it and handed Naseel a handful of different coins. "We are going to need not only lyrium, but flasks and reagents. Pick up some supplies for health potions and injury kits as well, anything that will help with this, bandages too. I know the Ceffyls won't have run away, ride as fast as you can. We are close to the Imperial Highway from here and closer to the mage tower than I could have hoped for. If anyone offers to come and help, ask to speak to Head Enchanter Irving only, we can trust him, the others I do not know about. Definitely not the Templars, do you understand? Take Wynne with you, as a mage from the tower, it will keep them from giving you any grief. In fact, see First Enchanter Irving right off." Naseel nodded, bowed and strode off to the pens where the hallas and the Ceffyls were kept.
Wynne opened her mouth to protest, Kai interrupted, "Your mana is almost gone, I can see it on your face, the sooner you go, the sooner you get back. It will help smooth the path to what we need, and you can drink a mana potion while you're there, so please, just go." Wynne nodded, her mouth a thin line, as she followed after Naseel.
Kai turned to two of her Scath, telling them where Erys' body was and asking it be brought to her. She turned to Fiona, "Please heal Sten. Sten will you watch over the twins with Argus?" The Qunari nodded, his lavender eyes watching her.
"I do not require healing magic, kadan." His eyes never left hers. She waved a dismissive hand and nodded to Fiona. Kai barely registered that more people, human and elven had started to join the crowd already around her.
"Then we are going to need you Fiona, as you were on reserve, so your mana levels are good?" Kai looked at Fiona who nodded, "And everyone who can do first aid, bandage each other first. Anything that can be made into a bandage use it, make sure it is as clean as you can. Someone needs to look for poultices and potions. We also need to start finding survivors and taking care of them. If you find any healing poultices or if you know how to make them, then use them on those most grievously injured first."
"And who are you to be giving orders" an angry male voice demanded from her left. Kai turned and the crowd parted to reveal a man holding the limp, dead body of a little boy. Kai thought her heart would stop. She had a vision of Oren lying on the floor in Highever the night he died. "You promised us we would be safe, and my boy is dead, DEAD!" the man screamed into the murmuring crowd, "You made us leave our home, you said we would be all right, LIAR! We came here live like animals with knife ears, and what did it get us?"
"Knife ears, you dare insult us, shemling? We let you use our home and look what it brought us, are shems the only ones dead? I can't find my sister! You shems with your bullying and your destruction, but then you mewl like infants when your lives show the least little bit of sorrow or hardship, while my people know hardly anything but sorrow and hardship. You shems, acting as if the world belongs to you and only you, you are the animals, not us!" an elven man in hunter's armor stained with blood and wet with rain glared at the villager.
Angry murmurs and yelling back and forth began to rise over the group of elves and humans. Kai felt as if she had been struck. In fact if the man used his fist, it would have had just as much impact. She could only bite her lower lip as tears started to flow down her cheeks again, she felt sick to her stomach. He was right after all, they both were. She told them they would be safe.
The elves let them here because of good will towards her, "You're both right." She said it so quietly that everyone went silent just to hear her. She spoke more loudly, "You're both right." She just looked at the little boy. She started to reach out a shaking bloody hand to touch him and thought better of it, "I told you to leave, that you would be safe, and one of my own betrayed us all, but it was my responsibility. The elves let you all here despite their justified mistrust of humans because of me. If you must take your anger out on someone, let it be me, not each other." Kai looked all around the crowd, "I failed you all, and I'm sorry for it, I'll never be able to make amends, I know this." She just let the tears slide down her cheeks. She handed the sword to the elven man in front of her, "I am the one you should turn your rage on."
What else was there to say? She thought appealing to the best in people would work, but more the fool her. Had her run-ins with the likes of Concha and Vimaro taught her nothing, even the darkspawn? Some did not have any good in them to be appealed to, and who paid the price for her folly? Not her, no, not Kaidana Cousland, no, everyone else, this man, his son, the elves, Lelyth. Maker, Lelyth and her siblings all paid too. Kai felt overwhelming guilt swamp her, threatening to swallow her whole. Zev reached for her, but she shook him off. She hardly deserved any comfort or kindness, she brought them all to ruin.
"Then I failed you as well," Alariel strode through the crowd and stood by Kai. Kai shook her head and started to protest, "Do not tell me, shem, what I must do or say. You do take so much on yourself. Even for a shem you are very odd and maddening in your desire to take all the responsibility." Alariel turned back to the man, "I told you that you would be safe. I promised on the blood of my clan, the fault also lies with me. The Warden asked you to leave. She did not make you leave. There was certain danger if you stayed. She gave you a choice when you did not have one before. Do not fault her that the choice was not all it should be, life rarely is. My people have learned this. We have all lost today, including her." Alariel gestured to Kai's bloody clothes, her bloody lip and battered face, then to Lelyth. "I know you grieve, shem, my people know what grief is. I say we must focus on the ones who really caused it, Bann Loren and the shem Queen Anora."
The crowd began to murmur, whether in agreement or dissent, Kai could not say. "It is as my clanswoman says. We all have our parts to play. And Bann Loren and Anora were the biggest players in all of this," Lanaya the clan keeper spoke from the back of the crowd.
"But it was one of hers that betrayed us, how can we trust any of them?" The man was not yet ready to give up on his anger, nor did Kai blame him.
"Can anyone truly know the heart of another? Our clan elder before me lived with us for centuries. He guided us, and protected us. He even rescued me from shem bandits. We thought we knew him, but he kept his hurt and grief over the terrible deaths of his children to himself. He let it fester, and he did a fearful thing, he cursed the shems who did it, but his curse did not just affect those who deserved it, but those who were innocent, as curses so often do. He did not care, and when the curse came back to affect his own clan, the people he supposedly cared for, he would have let us suffer rather than let go of his sorrow and anger. He cradled those feelings in his heart, turning it black, letting it putrefy like a rotten wound. He did not tell us, not any of us, though he claimed we were his family. We did not know his true heart, yet my people knew him for centuries. It was the Warden who convinced him to release the curse. He and she saved us all. In the end, he was a hero because he let his despair and rage go. Unlike Zathrian and our clan, she knew this one only a little while." Lanaya gestured toward the body he carried, "You could be like him, like Zathrian, let your hurt and animosity fester and rot, turning your anger on those who are not to blame. Or, you can grieve and in time it will heal. And if the Warden is successful, justice will be done, of that I am certain."
Lanaya walked up to the man, she put her hand on the boy's forehead briefly and then she touched the man's cheek, "Because of this shem Warden, we have learned that as the elvenan, we too were holding our grief and anger too close. If we don't let it go, we will never truly be free. Treaty aside, that is why we sent an elven army to help stop the Blight, it is why I agreed to have you all stay with us, and I hold no regrets over my decision to do so." Lanaya looked at Kai with a sad smile, "I do, however, hold anger at the targets that deserve it. I understand that the Warden killed the one who betrayed her and put this in motion?"
Kai nodded at her, "The body is being brought to me." Kai gestured in the direction of it.
"Then one of the guilty has justice. The others may take time, but by working together, I am certain that they too will be brought to their proper reward. We Dalish will help with that, let that sit in your heart instead. Let that sit in all our hearts!" The elven leader let her gaze work its way slowly around the crowd, "Now it is as the Warden has said, we need to find survivors, we will need to tend to the dead and move from this place." Lanaya touched Kai's arm, and the crowd started to disperse. The elven hunter handed Kai back the sword, touching her arm as well before turning to go.
Her Scath arrived carrying Erys' corpse, they lay it at her feet. Zevran crouched next to it and examined at the body, "Ah, you used the poison 'Blood's Bite.' Very effective and fast acting, and very painful, you chose well." He started searching the body, pulling out papers, and a velvet sack with a round object in it, "Well, well, a procul globe, no doubt the Lady Aldonza has its mate." Zev also removed the Scath jewelry, then, he stood up and looked at her.
Kai gasped at the effect swinging the sword had on her broken ribs, but she swung it anyway and severed the head from the body with such force that the sword stuck in the wet ground. Or could it be that she was too tired to pull it out? She grunted again with the grinding of bones on one another as she bent down and grasped the head by the hair. Turning to her Scath, she held it out for one of them to take, "Strip the body of armor, dump it in the woods, and let the animals have it. Put this head in a sack, take it to Bann Loren's estate, and take one of his men's pieces of armor with his heraldry on it as well. Make sure he gets them both. Make sure he knows they are from 'The Silver Griffon.' Let's give him a message that will make him lose sleep at night, be creative. Two of you should go, one ex-Crow, one Ferelden Scath. I want you to work together, watch each other's' backs. I know what Erys did may cause you all to look at each other with suspicion, we will address that later, now is not the time for it." Kai felt even older. So much to do, and it had been a day for relaxation so short a time ago, "For now, we are still family, remember, 'dileas go deo,' always faithful. Erys never stopped being a Crow in her heart, she was not family after all." Two of her Scath looked at each other and then bowed and started towards the halla pens, carrying the head.
Kai looked at the others. Fiona had already begun work on Sten. "The rest of us need to get bandaged and help, let's not stand around." Kai took one last look at Lelyth's body and limped off towards the tents still standing to look for bandages. She had a really long day still left ahead of her.