BioWare owns all except what I made up. : )
Ah, the emotional purge to help our Kai get back into what she has to do, same thing she does every night, Pinky, try and save the world! : ) Boy were the last few chapters hard to write. But I hope you found a little humor in it at the end with Sten. I love the big guy, and there is so much more to him than I think gets portrayed usually. This chapter is a Kai and Zev chapter, bridges rebuilt and so on. And we have probably all been there, grief and the numbness and anger we sometimes feel until it all comes out. Good thing Kai has such good friends. And the Scath are going to help her on another level as well (next chapter or so). Something they all do on their own to prove not only their loyalty to the Scathach, but to each other. And that leads me to another shout out for Night Hunter MGS, who gave me the idea. And you will get another one when I actually use it next chapter. Sometimes these stop where I didn't expect them to, but where it seems right to end them. I hope you agree. : ) And yes, the relationship between Kai and Zev is finally back where it should be, and maybe more? I know, I know, I am such a tease,LOL! : )
Thanks again to all of you, your support, your continuing to check for updates, your catching my errors! I try to edit, but I sometimes read it over and over again so much that I start memorizing not editing. And your reviews really just keep the muse in high gear. And to all the new people who put me on favorite stories, thank you to too! : ) So on with our wild and crazy ride.
Oh, and a big SORRY to you all if you got the Chapter 49 is ready email. I hit the wrong thing on the update my story chapters, this is chapter 49, mea culpa guys!
Oh and Night Hunter, hubby has Horde on one server and Alliance on the other, you can still call vendetta. LOL. : )
Blessings!
Kai, when she seemed to come back to herself, had found she was on her knees curled over in the wet leaves of the forest floor, and she'd been pounding her fists into the dirt as she had mud and leaves caked on them. She didn't know how long she had been sitting like that. She felt empty, no, she corrected herself, lighter. Like when she had carried heavy packs with supplies and tents for miles only to take them off and sway with the sensation of being suddenly buoyant. She had a similar feeling, but emotionally.
It was Zev who grasped her by her upper arm and started her walking back to the camp with the others following behind. Kai could hear Leliana playing her lute accompanied by other instruments while the bard sang "In Uthenera," the old elven ballad about death not being something to fear or hate. Leliana said it had been sung at her mother's funeral, and she'd sung it at camp for Kai and the rest during the Blight. It was beautiful and sad, and Leliana's voice along with the elves who were participating made it even more so. The clouds abated, and the moon was out. Its cool white light was mixing with the orange glow of the flames and the black smoke rising into the night sky.
Zevran walked her to a tent that had been set up while she and the others had been collecting the dead, gathering wood, and tending the wounded. He walked her inside, led her to a chair, sat her down and went back out again. The warm air from the brazier hit her, and she suddenly felt exhausted, she even found herself dozing off, her chin hitting her chest. She felt his fingers caressing her hair and came awake with a start, "My dear Grey Warden, it is bath time, and then you need to sleep." He pointed to a small tub which had been filled with steamy water. Zev even hung a line of rope across from one post to another and covered it with blankets in front of the tub for privacy should anyone come into the tent. She supposed it was for her privacy from him as well, she would never have guessed when she met him that he had such a gentleman inside him, not with the way he talked.
He had been busy while she had been napping. She was going to protest but looked down at her filth caked shirt and decided a bath would probably be necessary unless she wanted to sleep on the floor rather than get the bed dirty. Kai shot him a grateful grin.
She got undressed and removed the bandages on her back and went to the wooden tub sitting next to the brazier. The tub was only big enough to sit in with her knees bent and it had a sloping back, like on a chair. It wasn't as nice as a big stone tub where she could soak up to her neck, but it was far better than a rag, a bucket of water, and a bar of soap. Kai eased into the warm water and felt her muscles almost sighing.
"You will find Leliana donated some bath salts she brought, and I have salve and more bandages and a night shift for you to sleep in when you are done. Luckily you cannot fall asleep and drown in this tub. Otherwise I would have to watch you closely, no?" She could hear the flirty grin in his voice as she heard him undressing himself.
"Hah, but what are you going to do, and when did you set all of this up?" Kai was curious as he had been with her all day. Kai poured in some of Leli's bath salts, and a lovely mixture of rose, lavender and cloves scented the steam rising up from the tub.
"My dear friend, you were a little preoccupied in the first aid tent. I slipped out and made inquiries, you are not the only one who should try and think of these things. I have noticed in all of our travels that you always think of everything and everyone else before yourself. If I left it to you, you would have slept on the cold hard ground tonight, so, I made sure you would not." She heard him dipping what sounded like a rag into a bucket from behind the blanket. "But I dare say, no matter how you feel about yourself, the others here would not have let that happened. I barely began to ask about lodging for you when I was told of this tent, and several others began to hand me clothing and food. And someone else assured me of a bath for you."
She heard more splashing, "As to what I am doing, I am washing off with water and a rag. It is late, so warming more water just for me to use the tub is a waste. Besides, I have stayed in far worse places, which you know as you dragged all my adventures out of me in our lurid past together. I will be clean and dry and comfortable enough, and after being wet all day, I find I am not so interested in being wet longer than I have to, even if it would be relaxing."
Kai let out a chuckle, "Zev, you remind me of a cat." Kai cupped water in her hand to pour over her shoulders.
"Why, because I am handsome, sleek and agile", She could hear the smile in his voice.
"Um that, but I was thinking more that you and cats don't like getting wet." She leaned back again and closed her eyes.
"You wound me! Are you hungry at all, my friend? I did get some bread, cheese and fruit, oh, and some wine which someone gave me without asking."
"No, I can't say I am hungry, though if Wynne finds out I am turning down food, she is going to cluck at me." Kai felt a glass being pressed into her hand, she looked up to see Zev's hand from around the blanket passing it to her.
"Well, I am going to sit here at the table and eat a little and enjoy a glass myself." Kai just gave him a "hmm" as she sipped her wine. Between it and the hot water, she found herself getting droopy eyed again, the wine on an empty stomach hit her faster than usual.
She started when she felt the blanket moving, and Zev's hand appeared holding out a piece of cheese. "Here, now you need not worry, if Wynne asks if you ate something, you will not lie. You just don't need to tell her how much you ate, no?"
Kai laughed, "You are a devious fellow."
He returned her laugh with a chuckle of his own, "Si."
And she took the proffered piece and nibbled it between more sips of wine. It helped settle her stomach, which was a little queasy. His hand appeared again with a piece of apple, which she took without thinking, and then bread followed that. It wasn't until she was on her second piece of cheese that she realized he had been sneakily pressing food on her and getting her to eat. She rolled her eyes, slippery Antivan assassins, they bore watching. She gave a little snicker at her own private musings.
"May I ask what is so funny, my dear friend?" His hand appeared again with a round purple grape between his forefinger and thumb.
"I was thinking you bore closer watching in future as you are so slick you could slide out of your coffin, as the saying goes. Wynne will be proud of you getting me to eat." Kai smiled as she took the grape and popped it into her mouth, chewing around the seeds.
Kai was pleased when he gave a full throated laugh, "Well, it can be our secret then. Wynne does not have to know, hmm?"
"No, I think she doesn't, besides, she likes it better when she can nag me about being too thin and not eating enough, it makes her happy." Kai decided to get out of the tub before she turned into a raisin, she stood up letting the water make a splashing noise and run in streams down her body. She found a towel and a night shirt had been hung over the top of the blankets. Kai dried herself off and put on the shirt and grabbed her wine glass and pushed the blanket to the side to find Zev sitting in a chair at the table cutting up more cheese and bread and putting it on a plate with apple slices and grapes. She sat down across from him as he pushed the plate in front of her with a grin, she couldn't help but grin back.
She set her wine glass down and Zev poured more into it, "Trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"
"I prefer my conquests to be awake and in possession of their full faculties, there is no challenge in drugging one's potential lovers. I prefer to seduce with skill." He chuckled at her.
"At which you are very adept, no doubt" Kai snorted.
"My dear Grey Warden, you wound me most grievously! Si, I am most proficient in seduction, did I not make that clear when we met?" His grin got wider as he popped a grape into his own mouth. Kai laughed, she missed this Zev since they had had their fight, Maker, and how she'd missed him.
"I can't go without saying something, Zev." She looked down for a moment, "I am so sorry I hurt and betrayed you. It will be one of the biggest regrets in my life. I hurt you not because I didn't trust you, but because I didn't think of how what I didn't say would look." She swallowed and tears beaded on her lashes, "You see, it wasn't you I didn't trust, I didn't trust myself. I...I thought I was going mad after all I had been through and the burden to be 'the strong leader', the one everyone looked to, that everyone expected so much from. The pressure was enormous, I couldn't mourn my family, too much to do, and it would have looked weak. I couldn't show how afraid I was, it would be weak, et cetera, et cetera. I thought I had to be perfect, but no one knew how close I came, so many times, to just throwing my weapons away and running screaming to the nearest cliff just to get it over with, sort of like I was doing tonight. Alistair and you, all of you, kept me from doing it, but it was you especially, my dear, dear, friend, after he was...he was dead, more than any of the others, it was you. I couldn't have made it without you after he was gone. You kept me going, before the funeral and after. And I thought I had finally gone around the bend after I lost him, I was so stupid. And then when I got back from the Fade, there was so much going on, and I was pregnant, and we were moving around, gathering support. By then talking to him was so normal, I just didn't think about it, it was second nature. I should have told you, I know you may never forgive me, but I wanted to tell you I am so sorry, my true friend. I am deeply ashamed to have betrayed you in that way." She felt the tears sliding down her cheeks, but she looked him in the eye. Her father always told her that is what you did when you were apologizing.
His amber eyes and face were unreadable, but he thumbed away her tears and leaned in and lightly stroked her cheek before putting his forehead to hers while he stroked the nape of her neck, holding her to him. Kai felt some of the tension she had been carrying around lessen, especially around her heart. "Thank you, my one and only true friend."
They stayed like that for a moment before going back to a comfortable silence while eating. Soon Kai found her eating slowing and her eyes getting heavier, she hadn't realized she was dozing off again until Zev grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the bed. He sat her down rather than laying her down, but before she could say anything, he was lifting the back of the night shirt.
"Trying to undress me after all", She teased him, "Zev, the twins?
"They are with Fiona, and she assured me that as they sleep through the night now, you could have a night without them in the bed making you sleep crooked." He smiled at her, "As to me undressing you, I find that a very pleasurable thought, but I need to put bandages on before we can both sleep. It has been a long day for both of us, no?" His breath tickled her ear as he leaned in to talk to her. Kai obliged him and helped lift the back of the shirt while holding it around her front. She felt his quick fingers put on salve, and he placed fresh bandages back on the wounds, "Now, my dear friend, put yourself under the covers. I shall take care of the lanterns."
Kai pulled down the covers and got into bed, watching the walls of the tent darken as each lantern was extinguished except for the one on the small table next to the bed. Her eyes were getting heavier when she felt him get into bed, and the tent went dark except for the glow of the fires still burning outside, which cast an orange glow on the walls. She felt his arms slide around her, and he cradled her head on his chest while stroking her hair until she fell asleep.