Stephenie owns Twilight.

Mistakes-mine.

This chapter is Epov only.

Chapter 5

I was here again. In the same place that seemed to have no beginning and no end. No light. Only endless dark. No memories. Only that weird feeling in my stomach,nervousness mixed with fear. Like there is someone I need to find. To see. Apologize. Beg for forgiveness. I kept on walking and walking for what seemed like hours, my legs carrying me forward, pushing my body, despite the exhaustion. Just as I was about to give up, suddenly, out of nowhere, there she was, standing beside me. My face stretched into a smile, my body filled with pride and happiness. She's here. I found her.

She was smiling too, but not looking at me. My eyes followed her to where she was looking, hearing her suddenly make a small chuckle, finding this entirely amusing. It was no wonder. What I had on myself was currently only my boxer briefs. But not just any kind. The one with sponge Bob square pants.

What the fuck? I don't even like that cartoon.

"Did you do that?" I asked, as she was giggling now, trying to rein it in, her hand over her mouth, but not really succeeding.

She just shook her head, still laughing.

I joined in, grinning like a schmuck. Melancholic. Missing her smile, the clear sound of happiness, the sound of her chuckles soothing and even musical.

Suddenly, her smile was gone, her face expression transformed from seriousness to an actual pain, eyes filled with fear and maybe even... disappointment?

"Why?" was all she asked.

"Why what?"

"Why?" she asked once again, her voice sounding more painful.

I didn't know what to say. I could have said that I don't understand what she wanted me to say. Don't understand the question, stalling just a bit more so I could keep her here. With me. Tell her how much I've missed her. Even if she did know how to be a pain in the ass.

Seeing, or probably sensing I won't answer her question, step by tiny step, she started to walk away backwards, blending into one with the dark.

"Wait!" I yelled. Begged her to come back. Apologized to her a thousand times for disappointing her, even tonight.

But she was gone.

"No! No! Come back! I need you. I... I..."

Suddenly I felt someone's hand on me, calling my name. Shaking me from my dream.

I opened my eyes to see my mom, hovering over me, her eyes patient but worried.

"You okay Edward? You were yelling and..."

"I'm fine." I cut her off quickly, turning my head away from her so she wouldn't see the tears I wiped away from my cheeks.

It was still dark, the door of my room opened just enough for the light of the hallway to pass through.

"Son...I...do you want-"

"I said I was fine! Now, why the hell did you wake me up?"

She sighed, not approving of my tone, but decided to let it go. " Listen, I got paged from the hospital, and I have to go. Sorry I woke you up, but wanted to tell you in case you panic and start looking for me."

Her hand went towards me, trying to soothe me by lightly scratching my hair. It did feel good but I didn't want to tell her that, instead focusing on my anger.

"I'm a big boy. Believe it or not, I can take care of myself."

A sigh. "I didn't say you weren't. You know, I don't like it when you turn my own words against me. Why do you always defy me and your father? We just want..."

I removed the same hand that was soothing me, maybe even a bit too hard before I said,"Go to work mom. At least you could actually be helpful there."

As soon as I said that, I could feel her body freeze, surprised at my harsh words. Her eyes were suddenly filled with pain and...wait, was she crying?

I cursed silently, trying to apologize, knowing that as much as I was an asshole, and blurt out all kinds of hurtful shit, this was too cruel, even for my standards.

Without a sound she turned around and closed my door, leaving me feeling like shit.

Great, just another person I've hurt.

Good job asshole!

My conscious wouldn't leave me alone, fucking voices in my head wouldn't shut up. They just kept whispering fucking awful things in my ear. Feeding my insecurity.

I just couldn't take it anymore. Getting up from the bed, I've put the first CD I could find, turning up the noise as much as I could.

I opened my drawer, the one that I hid my stash of mary jane and started rolling it.

I started using marijuana about two years ago. It didn't remove or ease the guilt, or even the constant pain I felt daily, but it did make me numb. And for now, that's all I needed. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Just as I was ready to roll another one, the sudden pounding of fists on my door distracted me. I was sure that if I didn't open the door soon, it would not have the chance to survive.

Opening the door, checking this fuck hot chick that was currently only wearing a long sleeve blue shirt that seemed long, but barely covered her ass. Damn, she had some pretty spectacular legs that went on and on. Her arms were crossed over her chest, succeeding on only pushing her bra-less breasts for me to see better, her nipples hard, peeking through the said shirt. Seconds after finally taking a look at her face did I finally realize who she is.

The same bitch who daddy dearest brought home so he could replace her.

I had a little "chat" with him, and the bastard wouldn't even say who she is or even why he brought her here. Using the "My house, my rules" bullshit he always does.

Well, daddy dearest,as soon as I turn eighteen, I'm leaving this house forever.

Two of us bicker, loud and arrogant, not giving shit what she thinks. She is just a poor replacement, someone who was brought here to make us forget about the tragedy that happened over two years ago. Mom and dad may have forgotten, but I never will. And I'll never give this bitch a chance, no matter how fuckable she is.

I say a lot of shit to her, but she just keeps throwing my words at me, word by word. Arrogantly. Spitefully. Makes me something I haven't been in a while.

She renders me speechless.

Pissed with her, myself, with the whole fucking world, I shut the door right in her face.

For the past few days, I've been trying to avoid, well...everyone, but especially her. Bella. What kind of a name is that anyway?

Like yours is any better.

Shut the fuck up!

Of course, as much as I have to see her at the occasional gatherings, like lunch etc, I still do a good job of hiding.

Of course, none of that is on my mind as I try to finish this stupid fucking homework I got. Fuck, why does this have to be so difficult? I mean, why in the hell do we have to even know this shit? Stupid fucking algebra!

As I try to make sense of this for the 10th time, I hear a knock on my door.

I open it to see none other than Bella.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Can you keep your annoying voice down, please? Other people exist in this house, you know?"

"Well, well, well, look who is all of a sudden polite. How about this, I'll keep it down when the hell freezes over. How's that?"

"You know, you're not the only one who has the right to live here. I have my own rights too."

"Like hell you do!"

Just as she was about to say something else, we both heard the front door closing, mom calling us to eat.

Apparently Esme was too tired to cook today, so instead, she brought us some pizza.

Thankfully, nobody said anything as we sat in the kitchen, eating this delicious fucking pepperoni pizza.

"Edward, anything new in school?" mom suddenly asked.

"No. Everything's fine," I mumbled.

"Did you do your homework?"

I rolled my eyes. "God mom, I'm not ten."

"I know. Can't I just ask?"

"I'm working on it," I mumbled, taking another bite of my pizza.

"Do you need any help? I know that you don't get algebra but..."

"Fuck mom, just leave me alone. I'll figure it on my own, okay?"

"Language Edward. We've discussed this."

I roll my eyes.

"Algebra?" BTB suddenly asks, sounding surprised.

I open my mouth, but Esme is faster.

"Yes, he's never been good at it. If he doesn't get at least a C tomorrow on his test, he's gonna fail."

BTB frowns suddenly. "He's failing algebra? But that shi...subject isn't even that difficult."

"Hello, guys,I'm right fucking here, sitting right in front of you. "

"Edward," Esme warns once again.

"Whatever," I say, rolling my eyes for the 5th time today.

"So, Bella, can you help him? Please. "

She is reluctant, but eventually gives in, and Esme is smiling so much that she suddenly gets up and hugs her.

BTB (Bella the bitch) accepts the hug, but is not all that comfortable giving one. It almost seems like there is melancholy and pain in her eyes, but of course I can't be sure because as soon as shows it, it quickly disappears.

A knock on the door.

I sigh frustratingly, knowing exactly who it is.

"Hey," she says nonchalantly.

"Hey." My voice is flat.

"Well, can I come in or what?"

"Listen, you don't have to do this, I'll figure this out by myself. Just turn around and we'll say that you tried and..."

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this because I promised to your mom I'll try. Now, step away."

"Who says you even know what shit I do..."

She ignores me and shoves me as strong as she can before she's in.

She quickly looks at the stuff I've been working on this whole day, and suddenly snorts.

I turn around to look at her, only to see her smiling at me mockingly.

"How can you not know this shit? It's easy."

"Hey," my voice instantly defensive, "nothing about algebra is fucking easy."

"Sit down," is all she says.

And as she is observing my homework, I'm observing her.

I'm observing her face. Aside from her character, and attitude, her face looks quite proportionate. Nice. Her skin flawless. The only thing that is out of place is her nose. It looks like it's been broken, the bone healing in the wrong direction.

There were also these little things; like biting her lower lip when there was a problem she couldn't understand. Taking her time slowly, nodding when there is something she understood, writing it down and last but not the least, the grin she shows when she knows she's gotten it correctly.

Besides lips biting, there is also thumb or pen chewing.

I want to yell at her, and explain in the most disgusting ways how many germs are on that pen, but for some reason, my eyes can't be removed from her lips. Her delicious, fuckable mouth. I could just imagine how that mouth would look good while sucking me off. Jesus.

Fuck Cullen, focus! You hate her!

"You get it?"

I shake my head,trying to focus. "What?"

"Do you get it? Understand? Capiche?"

"Yeah. Whatever."

Raised eyebrow. "Really? Solve this one then."

I take the notebook and slowly start to write it down. I try to solve it, I do, but it's no use.

"You haven't been paying attention,"she scolds.

"I have." Just not on the algebra.

She shakes her head, whispering under her breath something that sounds like "so fucking stubborn."

She explains it to me a few more times. By this point I'm so fucking frustrated because I still don't fucking get it.

At the moment, she is acting the opposite of me. Patient, and calm.

After she tells me to stop daydreaming and focus on the work, I actually start to understand some stuff.

And by 11.30 I can actually understand almost every single shit she is talking about.

With a yawn and an actual smile, she wishes me good luck and goes to her room.

I stay awake for a little while then, my own thoughts running wild. Minutes later, my eyes close.

That was the first time I've dreamed about fucking Bella.

I hope you liked Epov. Thanks for reading. :)