Hi guys, this is Natalie (as in, the author, not the character). So…here's the update! Sorry for keeping you guys waiting…I haven't had a lot of free time lately. But, no excuses, though! From now one, I will be replying to the reviewers (Yay! Thanks guys!) through the chapter (you know, right before the disclaimer). So, here are my replies:

just a reader (Guest): Thanks so much! You motivated me to update! :) BTW, I say YEAH! a lot too.
godgirl13: Thanks so much! :) :)
Rival Argentica: Oh thanks! I'm so proud that you're going to write a Dan comedy fic because of this! :) I hope I'll be one of the first ones to read it! So excited for it :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the 39 Clues.

Enjoy, everyone! :)

Dan's POV

London sucks. London sucks. LONDON SUCKS!

ARGH.

Um, right-o. Sorry for making you guys think I'm an uncivilized alien who can only say the two phrases: 'ARGH', and 'LONDON SUCKS'. Actually…I don't think 'ARGH' is a phrase. It's probably a common sound that people make when angry at their sister and a cobra who she loves for flirting in front of a certain someone called MYSELF. I have innocent eyes, people.

And about the 'uncivilized alien' part…well, Amy says I actually am one. But hey, I think that she was lying when she said that. People tend to be overly nice when complimenting their brother. It was a compliment…right?

So…err…sorry, I'll start from the beginning. Well, the beginning of my amazingly fabulous day. Sarcasm, anyone? Um…yeah. Never mind. I sound like Natalie now.

Let's just say I was having a great day. Emphasis on was. After arriving at wonderful, dreary old London, and seeing my dork-iful sister start using the incredible form of verbal communication known as stuttering, I had had just about enough of Amy and the Cobra'smemory recollection sharing time. At least, that's what Ian called it. Amy called it relative bonding time. Nellie called it personal time. What did I call it? Well, flirting time, duh.

"So, how do you like London, love?" Ian smiled evilly. His amber eyes glowed evilly. His ears flapped evilly. His nose sniffed the air evilly. Evilly, evilly, EVILLY!

Amy ignored all of the warning signals: CAUTION, EVIL COBRA BRAINWASHING IN ACTION! Instead of bolting out of the car (um…the very nice limo, even I couldn't deny that) and running for her life like any sister of mine should, she stuttered, "D-Don't call m-me love!"

Great. She needed more anti-stuttering lessons from the Ninja Master. Maybe I could get her to pay me ten dollars per hour for the lessons. Hmm…

Ian smirked. EVILLY (remember that if you want to live a long, peaceful life). He said, "Why not, love? Oh, and answer my question please…love."

Amy's face was the color of an overripe tomato. "D-Don't call me love!"

The cobra (wait…EVIL cobra) sighed dramatically. "Whatever you say, honey."

Now Amy looked like she was about to explode. Like, you know, in those action movies: tick, tick, BOOM! I resisted the urge to whip out a black Sharpie and scrawl 'TNT' on her forehead.

Before I could finish watching the current episode of The Amy and Ian Show, though, the boring driver, John, said, "Everyone out. We're here."

Ian flinched. Can't take even a teeny tiny bit of un-formalness, huh? Hehe…

I stepped out of the limo to take a look at the (very extravagant) mansion. I felt like it was missing a banner that read 'Home of the Evil Cobras' plastered on the front. Wait…this was Nataliya's mansion, and she was nice…so it should actually be, 'Home of Two Evil Cobras and One Extremely Nice Rich Russian Princess'. Um…Duchess. Or was it Princess?

"How do you like it, honey?" Ian smirked (again). "I ordered all those red roses over there just for you."

Ew. How cheesy can they get? At this point, I would probably hug Natalie if she came out right now.

She came out right now. The devil comes when you speak of (well, think of) them. And guess what? I hugged her. It was just…an instinct, I guess, after being stuck with the lovebirds for so long.

"EW, DANIEL! OFF!" Natalie screamed. "THIS IS PRADA!"

"Calm down, Natalie," Ian spoke quietly (at least compared to his shrieking sister).

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! I HAVE PEASANT COOTIES ON MY DRESS NOW!" She howled like a five-year-old throwing a tantrum. Sheesh. Like, way to be mature.

"Well, gee," I said. "I just had the instinct to hug you after being stuck with these hopeless romantics for hours."

I expected her to start wailing again about her thousand-dollar dress. But instead, she said, "…oh."

Wait, what? Natalie Cobra, reacting like this? Am I in a sort of nightmare where I'm forced to visit them?

I must have looked shocked, because Natalie scowled, "You look like a feral pig with that expression, Daniel. Do me a favor and go back to your usual expression of looking like a helpless orphan."

I scowled back. "You look like a homeless witch who lives in the dumpster with that expression, Nat. Do me a favor and go back to your usual expression of looking like a crazed lunatic."

She bit her lip. Hard. And were those…tears? Uh-oh. What did I say…?

Amy whispered in my ear, "Her mom." Ohhhh. I might have been a bit careless with my word choices.

I actually felt bad for Natalie, which is saying a lot, since she tried to kill me and Amy, like, a bazillion times. But it wasn't really her fault that her mom Isabel was absolutely mad. And both definitions of mad, too. Mad as in crazy, and mad as in angry.

"Ah…let's go back to the dining area." Ian tried to break the tension. I nodded and we all mutely followed Ian to the dining room. The only sounds were Natalie's sniffles.

I glanced at the dinner table as we took our places. The forks, knives, plates, and all that stuff was set already. Each plate had a placard on it. I read: Amy, Ian, Dan, Natalie, Bertha, and Nataliya. No Fiske, no Nellie. Where were they?

Now that I think of it…they weren't with us when Natalie started crying. They weren't there when I hugged her (I don't really want to think of that though…ugh). I think they were there in the car with us, though…

I forgot all of my Fiske/Nellie problems as soon as the waiters served the food. It. Was. DELICIOUS!

I tried all kinds of food. Some orange stuff here, some green stuff there. I didn't even bother to check if the food was poisoned…(*shudder shudder*) I definitely should've checked. Because by the time I had finished a plate of some lumpy purple things, I had passed out.

Once again, thank you to everyone who supported me. I'm sorry for not updating sooner TT. I will try updating once a week from now on. Thanks everyone!

- Natalie