disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has read this so far! Sorry that updates are going to be far apart on this one. This chapter was unbeta'd. I did my best, but I know I miss things. Especially when I'm listening to music when I edit.
Shout-out to Amphytrion for answering my jell-o questions! Thanks!
Enjoy!
It turned out that Carter opening her eyes wasn't anything too special. Jack had been elated and hopeful, but Fraiser and the other doctors had all but dashed that.
Coma patients opened their eyes. They responded to things. While it was progress, it wasn't a direct promise that she would wake up any time soon. Fraiser had assured him that it was a good sign. But, realistically, it might be weeks, months, or, God forbid, years before Carter actually fully woke up.
It had been five days since then.
Jack had returned to the hospital as often as he could -he had been doing that before, of course, but it seemed much more important now- hoping to prove the doctors wrong.
Daniel and Teal'c had stayed away and Jack was glad for that. He didn't think he would have done some of the things that he was doing if they had been around, even if they were his best friends.
He kept doing that humming thing, because that was what she had responded to. That was what had made her open her eyes. Jack had quietly apologized to Daniel for his attitude towards the whole singing thing. Daniel waved him off, saying that he understood it.
Daniel and Teal'c asked for updates, despite the fact that they had distanced themselves. it was probably time. Or they were letting him try his thing, because it had apparently worked. Jack hoped that it would keep working.
So now he was just sitting there, watching Carter. Still asleep. Still not doing anything, despite his attempts. He felt almost angry at her.
Jack knew that was unreasonable. But she had opened her eyes and everything had come roaring back to live. Except for Carter herself.
He stared at her now. Five days since she had opened her eyes and looked at him and nothing. Nothing that they knew of, of course. Jack thought it was a little bit of cruel irony that they didn't actually know what Carter did when no one was with her. Putting a camera on her would be creepy and an invasion of privacy. So she could have been moving, opening her eyes, in the dark, alone. No one to see.
He hated that thought.
Carter drifting around lost in her mind, like Fraiser had said, was bad enough. Carter actually showing signs of waking while completely alone was even worse. At least in Jack's opinion. Showing signs of waking up was good, but what if she had been opening her eyes, completely alone in the dark, all this time? Seeing no one?
That thought made his stomach clench. What if that was what had made her stay in the coma longer? What if she hadn't seen anyone and had just decided that it would be better to stay asleep or in whatever dream world her mind had cooked up?
Jack didn't think that he could forgive himself if that was the case.
It wasn't logical. They couldn't be with Carter every second of every day. The hospital wouldn't allow it and, frankly, none of them wanted to do it, even if they could. But he was the reason this had happened to her. He needed to make sure that she woke up.
That drive was fading even a measly five days later.
The machines were still making noise. Carter was still laying still in the bed. She was in a different position, but that wasn't unusual, because the hospital staff moved her. Jack hoped that some of it was because she had moved on her own and no one had really noticed.
"Carter." he prompted, trying to talk to her like he normally would, not in hushed tones or acting weird.
He had never nailed it like Daniel had. Jack hated that. But it still felt weird to him and the only reason he was really trying now was because he had gotten a response. It made him feel bad for the fact that he hadn't been doing it before.
"Do you blame me?" he asked, shifting closer to her. "For what happened? You disobeyed my order, but I'm your CO. I should have made you go. It should be me in this bed, not you."
The machines continued with steady beeping. Jack closed his eyes, mind playing images from that day. Carter's refusal. Him not arguing. Her flying through the gate, blood pouring from her head.
That should have been him. Though he knew that he wouldn't have been as lucky as Carter as to survive the bullet to the brain. But that would have been okay. Because she would have been safe. And really, that was all Jack wanted right now. For Carter to be safe and whole. To be awake and alive. Not here.
Jack hummed a bit more, but he didn't think that it was working now. So he gave up. For now. He scrubbed his face and let out a sigh. Looked at his watch. It was past time to get some lunch. He was reluctant to leave, but knew that he couldn't stay here forever. So he got up and headed down the cafeteria. He didn't want the pain of leaving the hospital and deciding where to eat, mostly because he didn't feel like dragging his sorry ass through the parking lot when he was just going to come back.
Fraiser had told him this wasn't healthy. He had barely left the hospital in five days. Jack knew it was bad. But he couldn't just leave Carter alone when he had finally gotten a response.
The cafeteria was a mistake, Jack grouchily found out. The stupid blue jell-o made him think of Carter. He wanted to bring her some, because she really enjoyed it, even though no one else really seemed to notice. He did.
Jack stared broodingly at the blue jell-o, wondering if he should try and bring some up to Carter. She wouldn't be able to eat it, of course, but maybe that whole sensory thing would work. He hoped.
So Jack ate his lunch, snagged a plastic cup of blue jell-o and took it upstairs. It wasn't weird. No, it wasn't. He just looked like a man carrying a snack. Maybe he'd eat it once he was done with his little experiment.
He re-entered the room. Sam was still alone. Jack wondered if she would have done better with a room mate. Though he guessed that room mate would have been another coma patient.
"Brought you something, Carter." he said, trying to sound cheerful like Daniel had been insisting that they all do, but that just wasn't him. "I think you'll like it."
He set the cup on the tray by the bed, as close to her as he could get it. He wasn't sure it would work. Jell-o smelled weirdly sweet to Jack and the blue kind did not smell as advertised. But who was he to judge what Carter liked?
He poked the cup a little, just to make it jiggle. He never understand how anyone could like flavored gelatin when there was cake to be had. But Carter liked it and it might help. At least, that was the plan. Jack knew that it was a lot of pressure to place on a little cup of goop.
Nothing happened as he leaned back in his chair. Jack wasn't waiting, exactly. Just hoping.
He decided to ignore Carter. A little reverse psychology thing. If he ignored her, wasn't expecting anything from her, maybe she would do something.
Of course, Jack didn't have the patience for it. He ended up taking her hand again, rubbing it between his own because it was ridiculously cold. He had no idea why. The hospital room wasn't cold. But she always seemed to be.
"Come on, Carter. You can't just give up now. You gave me something. How about you open your eyes again? Something. Your choice."
He kept rubbing her hand as he spoke. Hoping that it would do something. Hoping just to warm her up. He was aburdly reminded of the time they had been stuck in Antartica and they had huddled to share body heat. Carter was the one that needed it now.
He thought about that. He almost wished that they were back there now. Because they had come out of it and he had been the one in the most danger. There was nothing that any of them could do for Carter now and she was in the most danger, even if she looked peaceful.
Her fingers suddenly tightened around his. Jack stopped what he was doing and stared.
Carter's eyes hadn't opened and the pressure wasn't much, but it was there. Jack shook himself and resumed what he had been doing, hoping to get more of a response. Another twitch, not as strong this time. Her brow furrowed slightly, as if she were confused by what she was registering. Jack started humming again, hoping for anything.
Her fingers twitched again. Her eyes slitted open. Now as much as they had before, but they were open. Jack could see the gleam of blue through her eyelashes.
"There you are, Carter." he said, not dropping his voice like he wanted to because he wanted to make sure that she heard him. "Come on, open your eyes a bit more. Thatta girl."
She blinked, her eyes nearly staying closed. But she looked less bleary. She was looking right at him. Jack's heart felt like it stuttered in his chest, trying to decide between stopping or hammering. It chose somewhere in the middle.
They stared at each other. Carter blinked slowly at him again. What he could see of her eyes seemed puzzled, as if she didn't know what she was seeing. Her eyebrows scrunched a little more.
"Just a bit more, Carter." Jack said. "Please."
He got a fraction more. Then her eyes slid closed. Her forehead smoothed. Jack squeezed her hand tighter, but there was no returned pressure. But that didn't matter. Not now.
"That's okay, Carter. We'll try again tomorrow."
XXXXXXX
True to his word, Jack was back at the hospital again. He had reported what had happened the day before to Fraiser and he knew that she had been feeling hopeful, no matter what she had told him. It was hard to separate being professional and being a friend.
Teal'c had come with Jack today. Daniel was doing some translations at the mountain.
"You appear to be in a good mood, O'Neill." Teal'c observed.
Jack glanced at Teal'c. Neither of them had spoken at all when Jack had picked him up or at all the entire time they had been in the car. He had the feeling that Teal'c had been contemplating the right time to say something.
"I am. This is good, Teal'c. You know have to that it is."
"Indeed it is. But I believe we should also listen to Dr. Fraiser."
Jack nodded. He knew that. But yesterday had been a very good sign, in his opinion. She had reacted. He wasn't sure to what, though. His voice? His touch? The jell-o? All of it? None of it? He hadn't pestered Fraiser with the questions, but it was something that had been bothering Jack. He needed to figure it out. Because if he figured it out, then he would be able to help more.
At least, that was how he looked at it. Jack had learned a long time ago that he couldn't just sit by and do nothing when it came to anything, if there was even the slightest chance that he would be able to do something.
He and Teal'c stepped into the too-white room where Carter was still laying in the bed. Jack took his usual spot in the chair near the bed.
Teal'c remained standing, as usual, inclining his head towards Carter.
"Greetings, Major Carter." he said.
He always did that. Jack wished that he had been that way all along. He still found it hard. Because it was weird. Because while she was still there, she wasn't at the same time and he didn't know what to do about that. Which was probably part of the reason that he had been trying so hard to get her to wake up.
It was nice being there with Teal'c and not Daniel, actually. Teal'c didn't insist on pointless conversation or anything, though he did pay attention to Carter. He gave Carter exactly what he had given her before this had happened. As opposed to what Jack did.
They could only stay two hours today, but Jack was hoping for something.
Nothing happened.
He told himself that was okay. They could try again tomorrow.
.
Day seven after the first time Carter opened her eyes was a bust too.
Jack tried not to let it get him down.
.
Days eight, nine, and ten were Daniel and Fraiser's days, because Jack needed to help with training a new SG team.
He felt guilty he enjoyed it.
.
Day eleven, all three of them spent a few hours at the hospital.
Carter's eyes moved underneath her eyelids, but she didn't wake up or make any other sign that she might wake up, no matter what any of them did.
Jack was starting to think that maybe Fraiser had been right.
.
Day twelve none of them were able to go to the hospital.
Nurse Andrews said there was nothing new.
.
Day thirteen, Jack spent the whole day.
All he got were some random finger twitches, no matter what he tried.
.
He skipped days fourteen and fifteen, on purpose.
.
On day sixteen, he tried the scent thing again, with a few more variables.
Nothing.
.
Day seventeen, his two hours at the hospital were fruitless.
.
Day eighteen, Teal'c reported that Carter opened her eyes and looked at him, but she'd had no reaction.
It gave Jack hope, but Teal'c said that she had seemed confused and unaware, different than how she had been with him.
.
Day nineteen, her hand twitched when Jack touched it. He didn't get any more eye opening, but she definitely responded to him.
That was something.
.
Day twenty Jack spent at the mountain.
.
Day twenty-one, after spending all day at the hospital, Jack was seriously considering heading to his cabin.
There was still no progress and he felt like he was losing his mind.
.
Day twenty-two, Jack was alone again. To be honest, he had been on the fence about coming at all, but Cassie had asked him to because she was going on school trip and couldn't visit Sam like she had been planning on. And when the kid asked him something, Jack did it.
So he was walking down the hall, feeling restless and trying to think about fishing or something, because he was feeling like he had been wrong to have hope at all. Fraiser had been right. It had just been normal reactions of a coma patient.
Carter was still lost in there somewhere and she wasn't finding her way out any time soon.
Jack stepped into the room. She was still there. Still breathing. Still hooked up to machines. Seeming to be losing herself in the room even more. She practically blended in now, in Jack's eyes. The blue blanket was pale and he knew that it would just wash out the color of her eyes if she opened them again.
"Hiya, Carter." he muttered, unable to muster the cheeriness that he knew he was supposed to.
He dragged the chair close to the bed and picked up Carter's hand out of habit. He rubbed it. He didn't hum or anything. Right now he was beyond that. He had been humming for damn near twenty days now and it hadn't done anything.
He didn't try the jell-o thing or any other smell that she might have reacted to. Teal'c might have been on point with that candle thing, considering that Carter had a number of them in her house, all of the same scent. But Fraiser wouldn't budge on that safety measure.
"Would you mind if I left for a bit, Carter?" Jack asked as he rubbed her hand a little more. It was freezing, as usual. "If I just went off and took some time and left you alone? Would that be so bad?"
No response. Jack closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.
"Five months, Carter. I've given you five months. I think...I'm done. I'll tell Hammond to put SG-1 back on the mission list. We need to get back out there. I know you'd want us to. But I think..."
Jack opened his eyes, staring at her still face. He wanted to slap her, suddenly. Yell at her. Do the sternal rub or whatever else he could think of. He felt guilty. He hated her. He just needed a break from all of this.
"I think I'll go fishing and then figure it out from there."
Her eyes opened.
Jack felt his mouth drop. It wasn't the bleary, half opened look she had given him before. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking right at him. He stared back, shocked.
Carter blinked slowly, eyes sliding around a little disoriented, seeming puzzled.
"Fishing?" Jack said, disbelief strong. "All I had to do was say something about fishing, Carter? That's all I had to do?"
Her eyes snapped back to him. She stared. She still looked puzzled. Her fingers clenched. She wrinkled her nose, blinking slowly, and Jack realized she was registering the feeding tube that had been inserted through her nose. He tightened his grip on her hand.
She blinked again, looking confused as she stared at him. Jack stood, still holding her hand, and touched the top of her head with the other one. He felt like laughing. Shouting. Maybe crying. Carter's eyes rolled to look at him.
"Welcome back, Major." Jack had no idea why that was what he went with, but it came out. "We've missed you around here."
He was trying to make it normal, he realized. Because if he didn't, he was going to freak out and probably scare Carter and scaring Carter probably wasn't a good idea. He didn't want to do that. He could barely process what he was seeing. What was happening. She was awake. Jack lowered his hand from the top of her head, realizing that was probably inappropriate to be doing.
Carter didn't say anything, shifting in discomfort, eyes skittering in confusion. She gagged a little and that was what made Jack pull away, because she needed a doctor. He squeezed her hand one more time and let go, turning to go and find someone who could help her.
Author's Note: I switched the writing half way through the chapter because I didn't realize I could write it that way until then. I also tried to keep is as true as possible to how coma patients actually wake up, according to my research. I think I got it right.
I have a new Sanctuary story called 'Tesla's Moving Castle' if any of you want to check it out. A slow update like everything else.
Please review!