AN: I edited the first two chapters and they had a couple mistakes. Sorry, writing so many things at once is making me slack off a bit, but I think I've fixed everything? Hopefully. Also, something I forgot to mention was, anything that's between '...' are thoughts. I used italic on those sentences but apparently, they didn't show up. Anyway, here's the next chapter. And please don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts so far.
I know I said I'll update more often. Sorry. Apparently, adding something else in my schedule proved to be tougher than I expected. So...the chapters will come when they will. Probably once a month. Once every two weeks. Something like that.
Enjoy:
Taehyung took games way to seriously.
And usually, I did too.
Today, however, him, beating me at a game I wasn't good at to begin with, had nothing to do with skill.
I was as distracted as a cat is when you put meat on the table.
The sounds coming from his controller was a concert compared to mine.
I hoped he wouldn't notice but when he pressed pause and turned towards me, I couldn't help but think he noticed no human with opposable thumbs could be this slow.
"Are you letting me win on purpose or do you have brain damage?"
"I told you that I'm still bad at it. So many things you have to press at the same time to make one freaking combo, like..."
"Jungkook, what's up?"
"Nothing."
He lowered my hands with his and then tried again: "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Can we just go back to you beating my character to a pulp? All the blood might get my creative juices flowing."
"Do not say creative juices ever again."
"Sorry."
"Is it about your brother?"
I unconsciously lifted an eyebrow, so he went on with:
"Who's not really your brother."
"Kinda, yes. Kinda, no."
"Which one is it?"
I kept staring at the screen, wondering which was worse. The possibility of my mother cheating on my dad or the inappropriate touching of my non-related brother?
"You know you can tell me anything."
"I know."
"I won't tell anyone, even if you knocked someone up. Or did crack. Or whatever the hell you did..."
"Those two might've been easier to talk about."
"Ok..."
He took the controller out of my hands. Touching my cheek, and kindly forcing me to face him.
And with squinted eyes, he asked a deadpan:
"What the hell did you do?"
I sighed.
Saying: "I didn't do anything."
"I'll rephrase it then. What has been done to you?"
"I...well...you know...I...it's nothing..."
He grabbed both my cheeks and pulled so hard that I scooted back.
"What the hell, man?"
"Be grateful that I care. Now, speak like a normal human being."
"I think...no...Namjoon thinks mom might've possibly, could've, potentially..."
"Given birth to him?"
"What? No!"
"Then what did your mom do?!"
"She might've, could've..."
He frowned as I kept staring at the floor, not wanting to say it. But when I noticed his hands reaching towards my face, I blurted it out: "Cheated on my dad."
And I closed my eyes, as if that could've stopped me from feeling anything.
"That...sucks."
I opened them back up, and the eyes that were pitying me were not the eyes I wanted to see.
"...yeah."
"I am sorry."
"He's not sure. She's just hasn't been answering her phone. Making excuses. Coming home late..."
"Then are you sure?"
"I don't know...I didn't even notice."
"I swear, you're so oblivious to what's happening around you. I am surprised you didn't get hit by a car until now."
"I did notice that something was different, but I just...thought it'll pass. I thought it's better not to pay any attention to it."
"That's why you wanted to sleep over? Avoid it entirely?"
"Maybe..."
"Shouldn't you be there for your dad? Or for Namjoon?"
"...should I?"
He was madder, rather than confused when he asked:
"Don't you think, so?"
"Ah, I don't want to deal with it."
"They might divorce."
"And what can I do to stop it? I mean, if she did cheat, isn't their relationship already over but just not officially? And dad might ignore it for years until he does anything about it. And by then, maybe she'll get bored of the other guy."
"But still... are you willing to put all your eggs in that basket?"
"Is there anything else I can do?"
He shrugged, glancing at the screen.
"Being there? At least? To know what's up. Intervene if you can. I don't know. Do anything that you won't regret later."
"I know I should but...Namjoon's been..."
And I swallowed whatever I didn't even want to think about.
"Namjoon's been... what?"
"He's not my brother, Taehyung. He lied to me for years. They all lied to me. And I can't even bring it up right now 'cause of mom and..."
I ruffled my hair, making incoherent frustrated noised while he reached out for his water.
"So, what?"
I looked up slowly, and watched him drink for a bit, before speaking a bit too loudly: "What do you mean, so what?!"
"He's known for years. And yet, nothing's changed. In fact, I know siblings who hate each other's guts. But you two always got along. Always had each other's backs. I don't get why it matters so much if your relationship is golden. The rest is just technicalities."
"Well, it matters to me."
"Why?"
"Because...it just does. He lied. He pretended..."
"I don't think he pretended anything. He could've just kept you at a distance if he didn't like you. There's no family obligation since you aren't family. In fact, he chose to be your brother."
And with a voice so low, and filled with emotion, I asked: "Why didn't you tell me?"
He pointed at himself, with big eyes and an open mouth.
"Me? How'd you like me to tell you what was already obvious to everyone else? I mean, I am still surprised you didn't figure it out on your own."
"Yeah, but..."
"And! It's your family business. I am your friend but the guy did nothing wrong. As far as I am concerned, he's been nothing but a good brother to you."
"Yeah, until..."
"Until?"
"Until he told me."
"Oh, come on. Really? What if I told you that we were related? You and I. Would you like me more? Would you start pretending to like me?"
"I don't think so ..."
"Then what's with your obsession with blood ties? I simply, don't get it."
"If he was a girl, then maybe. Sure. Seeing her naked while you were kids even though you're not related. A bit strange. Not gonna lie. But you were kids. And it doesn't matter. You can choose your family. It's the relationship you have with someone that matters. Don't you think, so?"
"Yeah. I guess. But..."
"But?"
'But he touched me and then told me not to let other guys touch me.'
"Nothing."
He frowned.
"You're deliberately trying to piss me off?"
"No. Nothing. You're right. I should choose to be his brother like he did. I...you're right."
"Now that I've solved your life's conundrum. Do you want to keep playing or do you want to go home?"
I looked out the window at the dark sky and said: "I'll go home tomorrow."
And that was a mistake.
As soon as I made it past the school's doors, Namjoon pulled me into the closest bathroom and crossed his arms.
"Did I do anything?"
He looked away and started pacing like a cornered animal.
"If it makes you feel any better, I did not win against Taehyung once. And I tried until he got bored."
He halted.
"They fought for hours."
"Oh. Dad and..."
"Yes, dad and."
"Did they break up?"
"Not yet. But apparently, she has her own right for privacy and he's being an insensitive person, her words, not mine, who cannot respect that."
"Oh..."
"I am so pissed at her. After she avoided coming clean for who knows how many hours, she felt like coming to my room at three in the morning to wake me up so I could explain why you're not home."
And that's when he looked at me with squinted eyes. But they felt different than Taehyung's.
I tried to force a smile, but he looked too angry for me to pull it off.
"Sorry..."
"And apparently, I am not responsible enough because I did not make you come home and sleep in your own bed."
"Sorry."
"Not only that, but we're grounded. Like we're still five."
"Because of me?"
"No. Because I let you sleep over at Taehyung's."
"Sorry."
"It's not your fault but you're still going to come home tonight and the next night for the rest of your life or else she's going to take my phone away or whatever else she can come up with. Again, like she did when I was five."
"I am sure she didn't mean it. She was just upset because..."
"Because she couldn't cheat in peace?"
And because the subject made my stomach turn, I held onto hope.
"What if she's not cheating?"
As soon as a girl stepped into the bathroom, we stopped speaking to stare at her instead.
She pointed at the door, saying: "This is the girl's bathroom."
"Of course, it is." Namjoon mumbled as he stormed out. Leaving me behind.
And like a broken record, I apologized once again.
Keeping my head down as I was walking out.
I always found that the universe was a cruel beast when it came to time. When you're doing something fun, time slips through your fingers like water. When you're hating who you're with or what you're doing, then it's as slow as a constipated turtle. But whenever I wished the hours would stretch themselves out so I could avoid doing something, I'd blink and it'd be time to do said thing.
I never thought I'd feel so much pressure going home.
But it all culminated with being hit with relief once Namjoon and I realized that the house was empty. And as soon as I sat down on the couch, it downed on me, that the lack of their presence was probably a bad thing. And I was no longer relieved.
"Are you going to paint?" He asked, staring at the fridge while I propped my legs up on the lower table.
"Yeah."
"Found your muse?"
"No. But I am sure it'll come to me once I sit down and pick up a brush."
"I'm going to sleep."
"Oh, ok."
Steps going up the staircase and then nothing but silence.
The wind howling in the corners of the house, slipping through the windows.
The clock ticking on the kitchen wall like a time bomb.
I could not stand it for more than a minute so I walked up the stairs as well and closed the door to my room as soon as I was in it.
A blank canvas was already waiting for me on the heavy easel.
And although the clock was no longer there, staring at the white nothingness felt no different than being alone with my thoughts downstairs.
I walked out of my room and knocked on Namjoon's door, expecting to hear the exact aggravated tone he used: "What?!"
"Namjoon?"
"What?!"
"Can I come in?"
He opened the door quickly, knowing me well enough to understand that I won't say anything important as long as the door was between us.
"I just lied down in bed." He pointed out.
"Do you want to...go somewhere?"
"Not going to paint today either?"
"I want a drink. Do you want a drink?"
He turned around with a frown, sitting down on the edge of his bed.
"We're grounded, remember?"
"They're not here."
"But they'll come back soon."
"We'll just go to the store and come back."
"So, your plan for today is to get hammered in your bedroom?"
I grinned. Saying: "It'll help you sleep."
"That's called passing out, Jungkook."
"You don't have any...green here, do you?"
"No. I told you I only buy at parties and I only deliver when the guy has to hide. 'Cause you know, my plans for the future don't include jail."
"Alright, so beer."
He sighed and patted the space next to him.
"Wouldn't you rather talk about what's bothering you and then let me go to sleep?"
"Mmm. No."
"I know you wish they'd just make up. But it might take some time."
"Beer."
"You can still focus on your art and let them do their thing. It's not like you can't progress just because..."
"Black beer. What was that brand called? Something bear...no, an animal. A big one."
He got up and opened the drawer of his nightstand with a bent back.
"My treat then."
"I'll go get my jacket."
He didn't have to tell me I was being immature. He didn't have to tell me I was running away from something I couldn't control.
I already knew it.
But knowing didn't mean I could stop.
At the same time, while we were walking to the nearest shop, I kept staring at his back. Recalling the last time when I've been under the influence of anything in his presence. And all of a sudden, I made a deal with myself.
'I will just get a nice buzz going and then go to sleep. That's it.'
I carried the bag full of beer and salty crackers all the way back as thanks for him paying.
We toasted in his room. Looking at a stand-up show.
It was comfortable.
But no matter the subject of the joke, I didn't find it funny.
'Cause with every passing minute, and every can of beer, I still couldn't stop checking the time. Wondering where my parents might be at this hour.
The sun was setting. My heartbeat was kicking up a storm.
And Namjoon was leaning against the wall, smiling at a joke once in a while. Sipping slowly. While I was taking big gulps, hoping it will help me fall asleep.
'I wish I could deal with it tomorrow instead.'
When the sky turned black, Namjoon was searching for something fun to watch next. They still didn't come home. And I wasn't drunk, but not that sober either.
Namjoon however didn't seem as concerned as I was, staring out the window like a ghost.
"Should I call her?" I suddenly asked while he was reading the synopsis of a show.
"If you want to."
"Nah. It's better if I don't bother her."
"Bother her from doing what?" He absently asked while scrolling.
"That's what I don't want to know."
"How about this one? A show about three friends in a haunted house."
I almost snapped my neck, turning to glare at him.
"What's with you and scary stuff?"
"What's with you and not scary stuff?"
I downed the rest of the beer and sat down next to him to watch the trailer.
As soon as it was done, all I wanted to know was: "Can you call them?"
"Both of them?"
"Maybe they're together."
"I am sure one of them will call us soon."
"It's already nine pm. What if they killed each other?"
"And how will my phone call stop the bleeding?"
I hit his shoulder with mine and reached out for another beer.
"Don't be mean."
"Did you drink mine too?"
I looked at the bag from the floor and tried to remember how many he's bought.
"I don't know."
"How many are left?"
"One."
"Then, yes."
"Sorry."
I said that but cracked it open.
"I'll go get you some water."
"Don't need it."
I gulped down as much as I could and then scooted back until my back hit the wall.
"Three friends in a haunted house, play!" I exclaimed, pointing at the screen.
"Already drunk, huh?"
"Just tipsy."
"Yeah, because all the alcohol didn't leave your stomach yet."
"It's beer. It has like, what, four percent alcohol? It's not tequila."
"Last time you had tequila you just went quiet for an hour and then threw everything up."
"Great memories. Now, press play."
I reached out to touch the laptop while he reached out toward the can.
I immediately embraced the object to my chest, softly slapping his hand away.
"Na-ah."
"You're going to be sick, Jungkook. Why are you so stubborn?"
"I am not. I only had like, three beers."
"What did you eat today?"
"Press play already."
"Give it to me."
I shook my head like a child.
"Don't make me regret treating you or I am not going to do it again."
And without a reason I could pinpoint, I yelled:
"Don't guilt trip me!"
He was taken back for a moment and then pressed play without saying another word.
Back next to mine, he stared at the laptop screen. And the beer in my hand no longer felt as precious. I put it on the floor, next to the empty bag and turned to face him. But he wasn't looking at me.
"I'm sorry."
"You're drunk. It's fine."
"I don't know why I yelled at you."
"You're stressed out. It's fine."
"I am sorry."
"I said, it's fine."
He said that but still wouldn't look away from the screen.
And that's when his phone started ringing and my heart skipped a beat.
He slowly went to get it from his backpack and as if everything was fine, casually said: "Yeah?"
I got up a bit too fast and gravity did not seem to agree with that but I still made it by his side, holding onto his arm, standing on my tiptoes as close to the phone as possible to hear mother's voice.
Although I couldn't make out what she was saying.
'It might be his phone, or the beer.'
"Tomorrow then?"
"And everything's fine?"
"Good. Yeah. We were about to watch a show. Don't worry."
"What did she say? Where is she?"
He turned his back to me.
"I'll heat it up. Yeah. Bye."
He closed the call but I couldn't stop staring at it.
"What happened?"
"She's at his folks. They talked about some stuff. They're coming back tomorrow or the day after."
'Why did she call you instead of me?'
"That's good news, isn't it?"
"I guess."
"That means she didn't cheat!"
"Or that he forgave her. Either way, it's good."
I was grinning from one ear to another.
And for some reason, all he did was stare at me while the room was starting to spin.
I walked back to the bed and collapsed on my belly as soon as my knees hit the edge.
"Sleepy now?"
"A bit."
"How about some water?"
"I don't like the taste of water."
"It doesn't have any taste."
"Exactly."
Usually, I probably wouldn't have noticed. But even when my mind was fuzzy and everything around me seemed to disappear. Feeling as if I was floating on top of a rotating bed. I still couldn't help but wonder:
'Is he just standing there? Looking at me?'
'Why?'