Jay let out a quiet groan as he went to roll over and pulled his shoulder, immediately letting out a more grumpy one as he lay back and began stretching out his neck, slowly releasing the tension that had built up in his sleep before a yawn had his eyes fluttering open. He knew it wasn't true but he swore the sunshine was softer in Bolivia, or maybe just in the city of Eternal Spring but either way he took a moment to appreciate the gentle yellow rays that bathed his room in a warm glow, a distant part of him noticing that he needed to dust while the next ache reminded him why he hadn't.
Technically the bullet had hit his vest but automatic rifles were powerful and Kevlar could only do so much; he was lucky it hadn't ripped through an artery like when Angela Nelson shot him but it had fractured his shoulder blade, the same one too. He'd also been lucky that shot had emptied the other mans clip because instead of a bullet in the back of his head sending him into unconsciousness it had been the butt of his gun. It had been Erin who'd then stopped him from then driving a knife into the base of his neck while Greg fired off another rocket, forcing the last of the cartel members to scatter and allowing the rest of his team to take them down. Nine weeks later he was back to mission ready, just the regular stiffness he had to work out to make sure it stayed limber, though now he was in his forties all of him felt stiff. His joints were as creaky as the old floorboards in his childhood home and with another groan he sat up and lowered himself to the floor, starting the yoga routine Lottie had designed for him; he still had to make a couple adjustments but not as many as he had last week and definitely not as many as the week before. And while he stretched out his weary bones Jay fell into the now familiar meditative state, unsurprised by the first thought that came to him.
This put eyes on you. Be careful.
That was the text Tess had sent him two days after they'd gotten back to base, the one that still made his blood run cold every time he thought about it. Without even realizing he shifted into one of those sunbeams, trying to get its warmth to seep into him but it didn't work until he remembered her second message. Just like you to get hurt being a hero. Jay didn't like that word, just thinking it made his shoulders curl but coming from her it was always easier to accept. And knowing that her eyes were on him?
That made him feel good.
And she wasn't the only one. Not only had his team hovered over him but Erin's had stayed a whole extra week, partly to interrogate Novak but also because the woman herself refused to leave his bedside; her joke about how he couldn't have taken it in the fleshy part of the thigh made him laugh so hard he'd needed an extra round of painkillers. They'd had a lot of time to talk and by the time she'd finally left his hurt over how their relationship ended had been gone. And so had his regret. He still hated that he'd hurt her but just because people came and went didn't mean the love stopped.
A pair of soft sapphire eyes framed by wild wisps of raven hair filled his mind next, cheeks tinged pink and lips pulled up in an impish smile and like always his heart gave that little tug, the only love he'd always been able to feel.
She better come this way soon.
"BREAKFAST!"
Mickey's loud bellow shattered his image of Tess but it was hard to stay frustrated when the stampede that followed automatically made him chuckle.
Like a bunch of toddlers, the lot of them.
He let the horde pass by and took his time changing so the rush would be over by the time he made it out there, knowing someone would either make him a plate or make the others leave some for him. And sure enough there was just enough sausage and eggs left for him to be decently full, and enough coffee for all of them to be wired for the rest of the day. Jay grabbed his food first but somewhere between pouring his cup and watching Mickey and Mack bicker over who was the better cook the mug fell from his hands, every fibre of his being zeroing in on the sudden, violent tug in his heart.
And the string behind it he felt snap.
Greg had never really fit in.
Don't get him wrong, he loved his parents and he'd kill anyone who hurt his sisters but they were the family of his childhood and love didn't always mean connection. That was why he'd joined the army, to see if he could find one that really understood him and he had. First in Jay, that first day of Ranger training when they'd grabbed the bunks next to each other and then in the rest of their unit when they'd arrived in Afghanistan, in Knox and Diaz, Beckett and James, Evans and Williams. And then he'd lost them. Beckett was still kicking, they'd actually gotten to work together again when he'd reenlisted but for the decade after his discharge all he'd had was Jay, Tess and Lydia.
And then he'd lost them too.
Jay had offered him a place in Intelligence but they just never clicked so he'd decided to go back to what he knew, determined to do it right this time. And he had. It had taken time but he'd made another family, two, one in Afghanistan and one in Djibouti, all great men, ones he would kill and die for but in the back of his mind there was always a void. That was why he'd come here, not just to reunite with his brother but to see if their combined gravity could lure in the woman they'd both fallen in love with. And when a loud crash made him look up from breakfast with his fifth found family to see Jay clutching his chest Greg instinctively knew that dream was on the verge of dying.
"What's happening?"
"Is he choking?"
Everyone shoved out of their seats but then froze, the eyes they were all so used to seeing steady filled with nothing but terror when they locked on his. A terror that very quickly became his own when the hand that had been grasping his chest started beating against it, solid, firm strikes, one right after another.
As if he was trying to restart it.
"Get a medic!" Logan roared, or maybe it was Mack, or maybe it was both but it didn't matter because they couldn't do anything.
None of them could.
"It's not his heart."
His eyes stayed locked on Jay where he'd begun pacing, every step in time with every thump but he could still feel the others look to him, their confusion palpable until Nico let out an understanding and equally horrified gasp. And while her ferocity didn't match his he knew she was praying just as hard when she placed her hand against her heart and began to gently follow his rhythm. And even though no one else understood what was happening one after another they did the same until he was the only one with his hands dangling uselessly at his sides, struggling to remember if they'd ever been so weak as he finally managed to lift one. Would this really work?
Could it?
What… what did a world without Tess Danvers even look like?
When Jay's ragged breaths suddenly turned gasping he thought he was going to have to find out but then his horror turned to relief and this time he was the one staggering back, his knees so shaky that if it weren't for Mack he would've fallen. But he couldn't.
Not yet.
"Where is she?" He already had his phone out by the time Jay made his way over but his fingers were still trembling so it took him a minute to pull up what he needed. "Greg, where is she?"
"Her last location was in… Porongo."
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
"That's where my mother lives." Raoul said hoarsely, with a rare undertone of panic that quickly spread.
This put eyes on you.
And when someone tried to put hands on one of theirs she'd stopped them. And gotten herself killed in the process.
Temporarily.
Hopefully because when he tried calling she didn't answer, the fastest silent conversation passing between he and Jay before his friend turned to Logan, his voice dark with rage and his eyes promising violence. "Tell Caro I'm pulling us out of rotation- if he tries to say no tell him Tess Danvers just saved our lives and we're going to return the favour. And tell him we're taking a chopper."
Tess was alive.
Jay knew it, could feel it, that string once again whole but what had always felt like titanium now felt like something a lot more fragile.
He couldn't lose her.
Not now, not like this, not because she'd thrown herself into the line of fire for his team, for him, an action she'd taken often and one he'd always been willing to but never had, not for lack of love but lack of opportunity.
Because he hadn't loved her enough to make an opportunity.
He'd failed her.
More than Erin, even more than Hailey he had failed Tess, the one real, true love of his life and Jay would never forgive himself if she died before he got the chance to make it up to her. And if she did he really thought he would too. Like the next time that string snapped it would take his heart with it.
He'd give it willingly.
A knee pressing against his own brought him out of his head and one look at the somber blue eyes told him Greg knew exactly what he was thinking, and was torn between smacking him and agreeing. He knew the whole team was in this, that Raul had just as much as stake but no one but his brother understood the bond he shared with Tess, the lengths he would go to make sure he didn't lose her again. Thank fuck Caro hadn't tried to stop them. Legally he couldn't condone what they were doing but he'd let them do it, with a subtle look of care that told Jay he too was worried about the dark-haired operative. That he knew her wasn't entirely surprisingly but maybe that was just because he couldn't feel that emotion right now. He didn't think he'd be able to feel anything but fear and fury until they found her.
Hopefully it wouldn't be much longer until they did. The Airbus H145 Helicopter cut down their travel time from ten hours to under two and since it was quieter than a motorcycle they didn't have to compromise stealth for speed, not that he cared about being quiet. The plan was to go in hard and fast; Tess's last coordinates were about two miles outside Porongo, a drop spot by the look of the ramshackle shack but he and Greg had barely finished rappelling down before Jay knew they were too late, his heart aching at the confirmation when they breached and found it empty. Almost. Tess wasn't here but the men who'd taken her were, five of them laid out on the floor or slumped against the walls but the sight of their frozen, horrified faces elicited no pity and the overwhelming stench of copper and acid from their slit throats and spilt guts did not turn his stomach. They would have done the same to her. They had been before she'd gotten her hands on one of their machetes.
She hated using them.
Hated this smell, the stickiness that would cling to her long after she'd scrubbed the blood away.
"Shit." Greg's quiet curse had everyone turning and for the first time he felt sick when he saw what he was looking at.
A car battery.
What had stopped her heart.
How many times had one of these been used on her?
How much could one person take?
"Fuck!"
With a hard kick Greg sent it into the wall but before Jay could move Lottie was at his side, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "We'll find her."
"That means we can't!" He said roughly, shrugging out of her grip before he shot her an apologetic look she just met with a soft nod, but he didn't have the time right now to appreciate their closeness.
"What do you mean?" Jay asked, a tight knot forming in his gut when his friend just shook his head. "Greg-"
"That's why we can't get a new location for her. Because that shorted it."
"Shorted what?"
"Shorted her!" He snapped, the implication sinking in at the same time.
"You're saying she put a tracker in herself?"
Greg gave him a look like he was amazed he'd even asked, that he'd even had to but as much as that hurt he knew it was fair. Because he should have known better.
He should have known her better.
"So how do we find her?" Logan asked quietly and it was Raul who answered, his gaze fixed on Jay with such a similar yet unfamiliar look of rage.
"We find my mother. There's no sign she was here, no extra restraints, none of her clothes-"
Clothes?
Raul's face tightened and Jay followed his stare to the small pile he'd mistaken for rags during his first scan.
They'd fucking stripped her.
It happened so often Tess had stopped reacting to it years ago but he'd get angry on her behalf, a rage so strong it drowned out his team but thankfully he knew them and her well enough he didn't need to hear them. If Raul's mother had survived the initial assault then she would've gone back to make sure she was okay after she escaped so with one last look to imprint what these men had done to her, so he could pay back the men who'd sent them they left, getting Nico and Mack to land since it was doubtful anyone would find the chopper this deep in the forest. They headed for Raul's uncle, his best bet on where his mother would go and though he assured them this town had no love for the cartel Jay had them stick to the perimeter for as long as possible; they might not be in their full blackout gear but they still stuck out and he didn't want any unwanted attention. Still it only took them a little over twenty minutes to make it there which made it just under three hours since he'd felt Tess's heart and his world stop. And if she wasn't here…
He couldn't think about that yet.
Raul took the lead as they approached his uncles property, a small farm on the edge of town but he stuck close, his gun out of sight but held firmly in his hand, his finger inching towards the trigger when he caught the sway of a curtain as someone peeked out a window but when the door swung open a second later it fell.
Tess.
Battered and bandaged and dressed in baggy, borrowed clothes but whole, looking as shocked as he felt as she quickly ushered them in, the elderly man and two women he was shielding just as stunned until one of them let out an anguished cry.
"Mama!" Raul rushed past him, soothing his mother even as his gaze found Tess, who of course just returned his silent thanks with a simple nod.
Jay wanted to grab her too but his feet wouldn't move, frozen with the fear that she would somehow disappear if he touched her, that if held her he wouldn't feel the soft thump of her heart over his. Jay didn't know if that was why Greg didn't move either but it didn't take long for her eyes to find theirs again, that ocean blue he loved so much, that he'd spent the last six years aching to see again filled with so much love.
And confusion.
"What are you doing here?" She asked with a shake of her head as she put a gun away, like she too couldn't process the sight of them.
"He felt you." Nico said after a moment, since neither he nor Greg seemed able to speak but it wasn't until she raised her hand over her heart that Tess understood, her mouth falling open with shock as the love in her gaze grew, this time with equal parts guilt and relief.
It had been each of their worst nightmares, from the first moment they'd realized they could feel each other and while she hated that it had happened to him she was thanking god, the universe, that it hadn't been her.
Just like he'd prayed it would be.
For a long moment no one did or said anything until finally the other woman, Raul's aunt he was pretty sure came over, waving the three of them down the hall and the others further in. And when Tess moved he and Greg followed, the briefest glance spared for Logan to let the other man know he was in charge, his friend just giving him a deep nod. She led them to a small room and the minute the door shut Greg grabbed her, her muffled laugh soothing away the panic that had kept him rigid all morning. And when her eyes found his and she slowly shifted so her back was to him Jay was hit with a wave of longing, an invitation he took slowly and gently, shuddering when Mouse turned her so she faced him, so her heart beat against his. And once he had both of them in his arms everything else faded away.
This was home.
Time stood still, the only thing he counted Tess's slow breaths, twenty before she started slumping but the second they went to shift her towards the bed in the corner she straightened, her head shaking sluggishly.
"We can't-"
"We have time." He and Mouse said in unison, also synchronized as they lifted her up and began shuffling back, which she just snorted at.
"We don't know if we have time until we have a plan." She grumbled but she only half tried to wriggle out of their grip as they awkwardly laid her down, on her back so they wouldn't hurt her arm, and so they could both see her, neither even close to ready to let her go.
"We can take five minutes." Mouse said firmly and though her eyes stayed closed Jay knew it wasn't what came next that she was worried about but what came after.
She didn't want to get close to them only to leave again.
She didn't think she could stay.
Could she?
Again together they pressed closer, her soft huff telling them she knew exactly what they were doing and the tiny wobble of her lips telling them it was working. Mouse seemed concerned by that, as if he wasn't used to seeing her display such emotion which was strange because Tess was the most emotional person Jay knew but then it had been a long time since he'd seen her, and he had noticed a change in her then. And a lot had happened in the time since, only so much of which he knew.
"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, some of his own worry easing when she took his hand and nodded. "Where are you hurt?"
"Just the slice; didn't dodge in time. The rest is just bruises." She mumbled, a smile creeping onto his lips when she turned her head to breathe each of them in.
"No negative side effects from the shorted wires?"
This time she and Mouse both snorted, the impish looks they gave him so familiar his heart clenched with longing. "It's a chip."
"It's in your body." Jay retorted, finally giving into the urge to nuzzle her temple and take his own deep inhale of her sweet scent, vanilla and blackberry, the one thing that could both soothe and drive him nuts.
And trying not to let it hurt when she stiffened slightly.
"Are you going to get in trouble for being here?"
"No. I'm pretty sure Caro likes you more than us."
She smiled but she also took a deep breath before nodding, giving a firm squeeze to each of their arms as her eyes slowly fell shut again. "Five more minutes."
"Ten." Mouse countered, shooting him a wink when she huffed a laugh before he pecked her cheek and drew her closer, Jay following suit.
They stayed for fifteen.
And though what came next and what came after still hovered over them Jay felt more sure than he had since he'd come to this country. This, Tess and Greg, they were his home and he wasn't going to let them walk away again. And with a plan already forming on how to make that happen the next time Tess shifted to sit up he let her, once again giving into the urge to tuck her hair behind her ear and once again having to hide his hurt when he saw how much easier she accepted Mouse's touch. When they'd first met it had been him she'd had the deeper bond with, it had taken years for the other man to go from their best friend to an active partner in their relationship, their thruple, but now he was the one she trusted, the one who'd made an effort to stay in her life. And while Jay wouldn't ever stop regretting that he hadn't he knew that self-hatred wasn't going to help him here.
He had to focus on the future.
And right now that was making La Santa Cruz pay for the harm they'd done to his family.
The rest of the team was all sat around the table in the kitchen save for Raul who was still with his family but he joined the others when he saw them coming down the hall, everyone going to stand and then quickly sitting back down when Tess waved them off.
Everyone but Nico.
"Hola Tessa."
"Hola hermosa."
"You know her?" Logan asked as they hugged and Jay was pleased to see Mouse was just as shocked, though that quickly turned to amusement when Nico sat back in Logan's lap with a wink.
"Like you know all my secrets."
"So what now?" Mack asked with his own amused headshake, pushing a chair over to Tess who took it with a grateful nod, everyone looking at her with interest but also respect; she had a pretty far-reaching reputation so it wasn't surprising they'd heard of her but while it was obvious they were eager to work with her it was him they all turned to.
"Now we take down a cartel."
"That'll be fun."
Lottie shook her head at her boyfriend but her grin was just as broad. "Any ideas how a nine-person team takes on a small army?"
"We don't have to take out the whole cartel." Tess answered smoothly, with that confident gleam that told him she already had a plan. "Just weaken them enough that someone else can."
"Who?"
"Adan Ramirez. The head of Mano Muerte."
Well shit.
That sentiment was echoed around the table, and from Raul's uncle in the living room, everyone eyeing the man as he came over but no one said anything- this was his house after all.
"How do you know the leader of Columbia's second largest cartel?" Mickey asked with a clear note of excitement but before she could respond he and Mouse answered for her.
"We set him up."
"Her team." Mouse clarified as she nodded. "That was what, twelve, thirteen years ago?"
"Something like that. Adan's brought the murder rate down seventeen percent in all the territories he controls but recently the fighting with the Gulf Clan has gotten worse- they brought Los Zetas in. Santa Cruz are his allies but if he can replace their leader with someone he actually trusts he can secure his power and hopefully start to stabilize the region."
Well that was handy.
And not just for today but for his personal plans too.
"That's how you saved her." Raul said quietly, briefly looking his mother over where she sat listening with his aunt before he turned back. "You were already here."
At first Tess just nodded, she was always uncomfortable accepting thanks but after a second she straightened, her shrug nonchalant but her care plain. "I knew you had eyes on you and you and Nico were the most obvious targets so I've been around."
"Define around." Jay asked, getting an uncomfortable feeling when he caught her subtle glance at Mouse.
He knew.
Greg had known she'd been looking out for them, actively fighting on their behalf and he hadn't said anything. Neither of them had.
Why?
The better question was why would they?
"Here, Brazil, Columbia. A weekend trip to Peru." Her smile was nothing but confident ease but the slight tensing around her eyes told him she sensed his discomfort, not that it was probably hard. She'd always been able to read him.
He was the one who'd let go.
He had to take a breath before he could speak again, that fucking hurt, but it also made him more determined to do this right. "So you have a plan then?"
"I want to help."
They all startled, much like his nephew blending into the background seemed second nature to Raul's uncle but right now he was standing tall, a man who wanted justice not just for his family but for his country.
How could any of them say no to that?
"Can we borrow some sugar?" Tess asked with a sweet but mischievous look, a thrill that quickly spread around the room.
The next eight hours were spent getting ready and they used every minute of it; the first thing they did was secure the chopper on the off-chance Santa Cruz sent more men out and then Mack, Lottie and Mickey spent an hour painting it so it couldn't be quite so obviously tied back to the military if anyone spied them during their getaway. While they did that he and Raul worked with Maribel, Cinthia and Cesar, Raul's mother, aunt and uncle to get as much sugar, baking soda and icepacks as they could from their most trusted associates, he and Raul there to vet those who when told what they were doing insisted on playing a part. Which ended up being a bigger number than he'd expected. He actually had to cap the group at a dozen because Tess had locals in the city who were going to help too and they were trying to keep this a small operation. And when they were ready they joined the others in making over fifty smoke bombs.
And then they headed for the city.
Thanks to her recon Tess had identified all of La Santa Cruz's stash houses, every building where they stored drugs, money or guns and thanks to the over two dozen contacts she'd made they were going to hit four of them. All drug dens, everyone preferring the destruction of the cocaine headed for their homes rather than a financial hit the cartel would be quickly able to recover from. Still the loss of all that product, not to mention getting hit in their own city was going to be a major blow to their reputation, hopefully one that wouldn't take long for Ramirez to exploit.
Jay wasn't sure yet what kind of ripple this was going to have, how it would affect the cartels in this country, the drug trade as a whole or their work fighting it but he knew he was doing the right thing. Even though it was unsanctioned, even though he was invariably going to take life today he knew in his heart it was right. This wasn't the intentional murder of someone who had done wrong, the way Voight had too often solved his problems this would be soldiers versus soldiers, the only acceptable casualties in war.
This was black and white.
This was a line he could cross and one he could hold.
It was the surety he'd been searching for when he'd left Chicago seventeen months ago and finding it had something else settling inside him, his eyes automatically searching for it. Them. Tess and Greg. They'd split up from the others to take a stash house each, Nico and Logan, Lottie and Mickey, Raul and Mack and the three of them.
It had always been meant to be the three of them.
"I get why didn't you tell me."
They looked startled at first, it'd been a while since any of them had spoken but their faces quickly softened from their different spots around the kitchen of the little bakery they were waiting in. That had always been their room. The living room was for movie nights and fights and moments of silence and bedrooms were for taking rest and giving care but kitchens? That was where they went to talk.
Which meant there was no better place, and no more time to have this conversation.
"I let you go. And I didn't let you talk about it." Jay said quietly, looking first to Tess and then to Greg, letting each of them see how deeply he regretted those choices. "I didn't ask any questions so you didn't volunteer any information because you didn't think I wanted it. And because I wasn't owed it."
"Of course you were."
"Debatable." Tess shot Mouse a hard look but he could see the hurt his brother had been carrying, and the appreciation that Jay had finally acknowledged it. "But I forgive you."
He just dipped his chin, his throat already growing thick, especially when he saw the love-wrapped guilt in Tess's eyes that even her bright smile couldn't hide. "We all made choices- I ran, you hid-"
"I did nothing wrong." Mouse piped up, his wink making them chuckle and his ease making them relax, but only so much.
Because she wouldn't.
She hadn't wanted this, had done everything she could to stop it from happening and now that it was she was treating it like it was just another visit, full of love and reconciliation but sure to end. She didn't want to get close only to leave again, to be alone again.
She didn't think she could stay.
But she could.
"I want you to come back with us."
"Jay-"
"There's no one better suited to make sure Adan's takeover goes smoothly than you."
She took a breath as she nodded, that four-beat rhythm she favoured and though he could feel Greg watching him closely Jay kept his eyes on her. "And I will help with that but it's not that simple- me being here would draw a lot of attention, the kind that would make it very hard for you to stay here-"
"Logan's ready to lead his own team." Jay said confidently, thankful they didn't have their comms in yet because while he meant what he'd said this wasn't the way he wanted to tell the other man. "He's ready to lead this one. And there are tons of other places to do interdiction out of."
"I'm partial to Japan." Mouse piped up again, grinning at her before he shot him another wink, his lack of surprise making him smile and his approval easing almost all the hurt he had left inside him.
Almost.
Tess's mouth had actually dropped open, she hadn't expected him to have put so much thought into this in such a short time, either of them, but then that made sense. She hadn't expected them to be willing to follow her because as much as both of them loved her no one had ever done that, not even her own team, not in the way that he knew she craved, as loathe as she was to admit it. And a chime of her phone meant she didn't have to.
Not now anyway but they weren't going to let her get away so easily again so he and Mouse just shared a confident look while they put their comms in and readied their rifles, enjoying watching her rushed fight between flattered and rattled before she too got ready. And then they waited for the sound of chaos. Sixty-five smoke bombs divided between roughly forty locals loitering outside each of the four stash houses, all going off at the exact same time meant they weren't just going to clear the streets they were going to draw out any guards too and sure enough a couple minutes after they heard the panic and confusion sink in they rushed out, Tess falling in behind him while Mouse brought up the rear. They were halfway across the street to the church, because of course she'd called dibs on this particular target before the first guard realized what was happening but he put him down before he even had time to raise his gun, then the next two and then he was pushing inside, he and Tess taking cover behind the pews as their fire was finally returned. Greg quickly put that man down while he took out the ones on the balcony and then the two of them stood guard while she ran into the basement; the drugs were stored in a sealed vault, which was good because the fire she set would eventually burn itself out, limiting at least some of the destruction to this holy building.
"Such a catholic boy." Tess teased when she came running back out, still with a hint of nerves but trying to enjoy the moment.
But it was almost over.
Once again plan had been to hit hard and fast so they ran out the back and into a waiting jeep down the block, Mouse keeping an eye out while she drove and he checked in with the others, everyone just as breathless and as high off the adrenaline of their victory. And most importantly, uninjured. They were the last to make it to the rendezvous point, a field just outside the city where another jeep and the chopper were waiting for them, Cesar just finishing hugging his nephew as they pulled up. Turned out being in the air force was a family tradition. The others hopped inside while he exchanged his own brief but heartfelt thanks with the man and then it was just him, Greg and Tess, their offer sitting silently and heavily between them.
As one he and Greg held out a hand, the last of the hurt he'd carried for so long finally easing when after a long moment and a shaky breath, and a slowly growing smile she took them. What came next was still uncertain, and so was what came after, but that had always been their promise.
To whatever end.