Chapter 1

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view- until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.

-To Kill a Mockingbird

The rain was coming down in sheets as Dr. Everleigh Braxton walked from the parking garage to the Emergency Department of St Bartholomew's Hospital in London. It was her first day on the new job and her stomach was doing flips inside her abdomen as her body trembled, which was not being caused by the cold. The rain cooled her burning cheeks as she stepped closer and closer to the double sliding doors, her anxiety building. Change frightened her more so than she thought it should. Sure everyone feared change, but to her it felt like putting her head straight on the chopping block and waiting for the axe to come down. Impending doom was the easiest way to sum it up. She'd failed at almost everything in her life, why was this going to be any different? Every perfect opportunity that had been tossed her way always ended badly, so when she had received the call she got the job at the one and only St. Bart's, her excitement quickly changed to dread. How long until this was stolen from her too? Everything else had been.

The doors slid open and Everleigh welcomed the warm, dry air that blew out from the building, disheveling her short blond hair. People bustled by her, completely unaware of her presence, only seeing what was directly in front of them. But that was the way of the world. It was always easier to only see with your eyes straight forward, the real challenge was taking the time discover, to take off the blinders and look around. Ev had learned this the hard way. So much of her life had been missed, so many memories that could have been made were never seen, a haunting regret left in their place.

She made her way to the locker rooms eager to put her mind to use at work rather then the senseless reminiscing it was torturing her with at the moment. Swiftly changing from her jeans and sweater into her scrubs, dark blue and embroidered above the left breast pocket: Dr Everleigh Braxton, M.D. She'd been out of medical school for a almost a year now but seeing those words written never seemed to get old. Through the years she'd sacrificed, lost, feared, yet all of it was worth it in the end. It was her life's greatest accomplishment, only accomplishment really, one of the few things she still had to cherish and hold dear in her heart. It had taken 8 years for her to get to where she was standing in that moment, as she let that feeling settle in as a welcomed sense of peace took her over. There was one thing she knew for certain, she was a good doctor, it didn't matter that she'd failed at every other venture she had attempted, this was the one she succeeded, excelled at and she'd be damned if anything made her believe otherwise, even herself.

With a deep breath she pushed open the door leading to the Emergency Department, wrapping her stethoscope around the back of her neck and securing a pen in her pocket, ready to face the day ahead.

The ER was large and spacious, 12 curtained off sections, 6 on each side with a block of 8 private rooms between them. At the front of the department was central command, as she liked to call it. A large 10-foot long desk with 4 computers lining it, medical admin techs manning the phones and main computer, the medical and EMS technicians seated in chairs and standing against the walls behind it. Everleigh walked over to the desk, the butterflies returning to her stomach as she eyed the group of people, all laughing and joking with one another. It was always hard to be the new person in an already established group. Would they accept her, or cast her out to the side? Everleigh had experienced both in the past, finding each to have it's own pros and cons. Being accepted brought a sense of comfort where friends would be made, fun would be had, but that lead to the possibilities of jealousy and betrayal. Being cast out immediately would make working slightly awkward, but run the agonizing possibilities of option one out the door. That was the safer option, she thought. It was a cynical outlook on life, but the view had been planted by the seeds of deceit of friends of the past, causing Everleigh to slightly hope they would just leave her be.

She gave the admin tech a small smile as she walked up to the front of the desk. The girl warmly smiled back, standing up to shake hands with Ev.

"You must be Dr. Braxton! Hello! I'm Audrey!" the girl greeted excitedly as Ev shook the girls hand.

"Yes, hello. Lovely to meet you," Everleigh replied weakly, thinking to herself what a terrible impression she must be making, talking like a scared little child.

"I'll go and get Dr. Edwards, she'll let you know everything you could need to know!"

"Thank you."

Everleigh watched the girl scurry off, laughing softly to herself at the girls enthusiasm and vigor. The other people behind the desk were all smiling warmly at her, waiting for the chance to introduce themselves. Audrey returned moments later with a second woman in tow. The woman was probably in her mid to late 40's; chin length black hair and green eyes. She was short and thin, her glasses sitting low on a slender nose. Her features were soft and welcoming, she smiled when she saw Everleigh, putting the butterflies to rest at last.

"Hello Dr Braxton, welcome!" Dr. Edwards greeted, shaking Everleigh's hand just as Audrey had.

"Hello, please call me Everleigh, or Ev," Everleigh responded with a smile.

"And you can call me Nora. It'll be just you and I on for another 3 hours, and then we'll get the other two doctors in. I know you've gotten the tour and done all the paperwork and training so I'm sure you're eager to work. You'll take beds 1-10 I'll take 11-15 and A-E. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask! Your technicians will be Sam and Lisa. Sam! Lisa! Come over here and introduce yourselves!"

A young man and woman came jogging over and introduced themselves in the same fashion as the other two, lively and happy. Everleigh relaxed more and more as the day went on, her peers welcoming her immediately onto their team. The creeping fears still lingered in the back of her mind, but by this point the only option was to deal with everything as it came. Everleigh was not the spontaneous type, for every action she needed to know the reaction, the consequence. She wanted her fate to be in her own hands, never someone else's. Not again.

Everleigh sat behind the desk in the ER; it was her third day on the job, her last before a day off. The day was uneventful, just people with the common cold, coughs and sore backs. She'd gotten to know the staff quite well over the past 3 days. She learned that her technicians, Sam and Lisa, would be on the same rotation as her, as would Dr. Edwards. This brought an overwhelming sense of comfort to Everleigh, knowing she would always be around the same people. They would get to know the other's quirks, tricks and preferences, which always made the job easier.

Sam was a bright young man, trying his best to save money to attend a school for the arts. He had a passion for acting, participating in many local plays. He was handsome, wide-eyed, excited about what the future held for him and Everleigh shared in that excitement with him. She promised to go see him in his future plays, even ran lines with him in their down time. He was a happy bubble of energy, his smile was infectious and Everleigh enjoyed having him around.

Lisa was the same age as Everleigh, 28, a mother of two, happy in the career choice she had picked. Her dark hair was always neatly styled in a braid that reached the middle of her back. She enjoyed her work at the hospital, her schedule made it so she had more time to spend with her children. Her husband worked steadily at the brewery down the road. She talked so fondly of him, her eyes lit up as soon as his name passed her lips. Everleigh remembered a time when she would speak a name and it felt as if her heart was going to burst with excitement. Now, the name caused unease in the pit of her stomach and stirred the untapped river of ire she kept so neatly dammed at the back of her mind. Ev did not feel jealousy as Lisa talked about her wedding, children and family, only sadness and fear. Sadness, for these were all things she hoped for, a loving husband, little children running around, even the thoughts of sitting idly on the couch drinking a glass of wine while watching children's shows before their bedtime made her heart skip a beat. She felt fear for herself and for Lisa. Fear that she would die old and alone, unable to find a soul to share a life with. For Lisa, she feared her life would be ripped away from her, leaving her an empty shell of the woman she once was. An empty shell like Everleigh knew she had become.

Everleigh's thoughts were cut short as the doors from the ambulance bay flew open, EMS techs rushing a man strapped to the gurney in from the rain. Everleigh leapt up and ran to Bed 1, the destination for all trauma patients. Sam and Lisa jumped with her, along with every other pair of idle hands in the section.

The man was 26, suffering from multiple gun shot wounds to the chest and abdomen. His breathing was labored even on oxygen and his blood pressure was dropping. Everleigh began barking out her orders as she assessed the damage before her. She'd done simulations so many times in school and assisted during her residency, but this was so much different. Fear guided her through her motions, not skill or knowledge, fear; fear that this mans life was dangling on a snapping rope in front of her eyes, and she was holding the knife cutting it. Her words started becoming frantic as his condition worsened, this man was going to die if she didn't buck up and do her job. Everyone around her was moving expertly around her, each knowing exactly what needed to be done, except for her. Her brain became a confused cloud of choices, none of them and all of them seeming to be the right thing to do.

When the erratic beeping of his heart went flat, her mind broke. She called for the defibrillator, ordering the first charge. She placed the paddles on the man's chest, yelled clear and sent the first wave of electricity to his silent heart, her actions fueled by adrenaline, her body going through the motions she had practiced so many times. As the flat line still blared through the room she ordered 4 more times for the charge to be increased, but there was no effect. Finally, feeling the defeat roll through her, she called the time of death at 1753, ripping her blood soaked gloves off and throwing them to the ground.

The room was heavy with sadness as the monitors were turned off, leaving the group in an unsettling silence. Everleigh felt a hand place softly onto her shoulder in reassurance, but it made no difference. The burden of guilt and failure soaked its way into every crevice of her soul. She had failed and now a man was dead. A son, brother, husband, friend, people were going to suffer because of her failure. Her chest hurt as her heart beat heavily, her eyes burned as the tears fought to escape.

"It's ok Ev, there was nothing more you could have done," she heard Nora whisper from beside her.

"If it had been any other doctor in there, he would have lived," Ev confessed, feeling as if an anvil had just been dropped onto her chest as the words escaped.

"No, you did what any of us would have done. You can't put this on yourself, you'll never make it."

"It's all my fault."

"You did your best-"

"Well my best wasn't good enough!"

Ev let the reality of those words sink in. She wasn't good enough, just like she hadn't been a good enough daughter, girlfriend, fiancée. She was never good enough. Every precious thing that had been given to her she had lost, and now this man's life was on her conscience. As she replayed the last 20 minutes through her head she saw all of the errors she'd made, mistakes that had slipped by, all from her lack of skill, knowledge and control. She'd been confident in her abilities until that moment, when everything she knew was taken control by her fears.

Excusing herself from the scene after the sheet had been draped over the man's body and face and he'd been wheeled away, she traveled quickly from the department and let her feet carry her through the halls, oblivious to where she was going, it didn't matter, just so long as it was far away from there; far away from her failure. She couldn't bear to face her colleagues, their judgment or their poor attempts to take the blame from her shoulders, where it belonged. Finally, when she knew she had traveled far enough away from the bustle of the hospital she let the tears fall. She hoped that no one heard her sobs echoing through the empty halls as she choked for air. The word failure echoed through her mind in her own voice, and the voice of every other person she'd fallen short for. She saw their faces blur past the blackness of the back of her eyelids, ending with the young John Doe. He stared menacingly at her, unable to speak as he choked on his own blood. But he didn't need to speak, his eyes spoke his emotions, she saw the fear, betrayal and loathing in his hard steely gaze.

As she regained what was left of her composure she looked up and saw where her deceptive legs had carried her, she was outside the morgue. Of course this was where her self-loathing subconscious would take her. She turned to leave that place, go home and drown her sorrows in wine, cigarettes and sleep. She walked quickly down the hall and turned the corner from which she had come, running straight into a very solid blockade. She looked up and saw a man. Tall, his dark hair falling in curls around his face, his gray eyes reading right down to her very soul. He was a thin, with high cheekbones and acute facial features, she couldn't help but think he was very handsome, in a distinguished, old-fashioned sort of way. He was clothed in a long black coat, a blue scarf wrapped neatly around his neck, black trousers and black shoes. He said nothing, but his eyes darted over her entire form, as if he was taking in every minute detail of her. She wiped her eyes quickly, a useless attempt to hide her tears knowing he'd already seen them.

"I'm-I'm sorry, excuse me," she stammered, averting her gaze to the floor.

"You shouldn't cry for the dead, Dr. Braxton. Only the living," he replied in a deep, cool voice.

She looked at him, shocked. How did he know about her dead patient? Had he been there? No, she would have remembered that face, those eyes. Was he a relative of the man's? Probably not, he didn't seem at all upset; he was far too collected for someone who had just lost a dear one. What was he doing near the morgue? He certainly wasn't dressed like a hospital employee.

"How, did you know?" she questioned softly, mostly to herself, but he had heard.

"I know, a lot of things Doctor," he responded confidently.

"Who are you?"

"Sherlock Holmes."

A/N: Ahh I'm going to end it here! I hope you all don't mind that this chapter was so very Sherlock-less, but I wanted to start to play out Everleigh's character more. I hope you all liked it! Please review! If you liked it, hated it, want something different. Anything! It's all motivating and helpful!

I made the tumblr for our dear Everleigh and Sherlock, it's a little dead right now but it'll liven up soon! It's .com, follow if you'd like!

Thank you for reading!