BioWare owns all but what I made up. : )
So poor Anders lives under a threat of wearing templar armor, but never fear Kai gets a little of her own medicine back in this chapter. Karma can be bitch. I hope you enjoy! My thanks to the creators, writers, and actors of the T.V. show NCIS it inspired Wynne's actions at the end of this chapter.
As always I have to share my appreciation to those who put me, and this story on alerts. It always gives me such a thrill. Tutor Verum, Bell the Scribe, Zuzu Petals99 (a fan of "It's a Wonderful Life?" ^_^), sue920, Shinigami Hollow, Katalini, millahanna, Bell the Scribe, tsv279, mackillian, guentyn, Epiphany Sola Gratia, sesegirl, Innocence INSTINCT, naomis8329 (who also gave me one of the longest and nicest reviews *HUGS*), Nonsensical-Romance, Zephyr Windfoot, and miyabilicious THANK YOU all!
I am trying to draw attention to you all as writers in your own rights by spotlighting writers. So this chapter I am pointing the floodlights at Zeeji (she has three) but her prequel and sequels "Seeing Cleary" and "Seeing Beyond". And I wanted to draw your attention to Eva Galana's stories, her prequel and sequel, "Halla Tainted" and "Halla Reborn". And I would like to direct your attention to one of the sweetest people I know, Jinx1983, and her story "World Spins Madly On." And mackillian's wonderful story of Malcolm the Dalish elf-baiting wonder in "In Peace We Lie" (Psst, she has 11 other fantastic tales as well).
THANK YOU to all who review it really keeps the Goblins of Self Doubt Away, and light a fire under my muse's fanny. I really appreciate it. And *HUGS* to those of you who read and lurk. You all, also help my muse and act as goblin repellent. You all make the writing so much fun.
And my gratitude to my betas, without whom my content might waver, my plots might have holes, and my commas would run amok; and without whom my wanton use of the interrobang might surface. Ladyamesindy, Piceron, Violet Theirin, Liso66, Blightsworn (thanks for keeping my dwarven content and spellings correct), mackillian, and Janni you all rock! Thanks so much!
A special shout out to Liso66 who in a chat helped me free flow the convo of Anders and Kai at the end of this chapter. Thanks Shell, you rock!
And a note to my dear friend Night Hunter MGS, who sadly had to drop out of writing, I say thanks. It is to you I owe thanks for the Orzammar arc. I hope real life lets you come back and share your talent with us soon.
Oh and apologies for the delays in getting chapters out, particularly this one. I had horrible writer's block, and the Goblins were eating my brain. I am sorry for the lag.
Blessings!
"I am so glad you find this amusing. I, for one, find this no laughing matter." Anders' voice took on a hurt tone. "I thought your group might do some sort of hazing ritual, dear lady, but I assumed it would be something along the lines of making me run through the village square naked, with my smallclothes on my head." Anders shrugged. "Or having me slather my naked body in honey and throw myself into a pen of mabaris. But I never thought you and your little group would come up with something so... heinous, and likely to chafe as well."
The room erupted into peals of laughter, with Argus joining in with doggy barks. When quiet settled once more into the room—save a few twitters, mostly from Wynne—Zevran clapped a hand on the mage's shoulder. "My sparkle-fingered friend, it occurs to me that most of your ideas involve you being naked. I am sensing a pattern here, no? It has been a while since you were graced with female companionship, hasn't it?"
"What? No! I... oh, all right. It has been a while. I've been escaping the Tower, on the run, looking for my phylactery." Anders looked affronted. "What? It isn't what you're implying! I've been a little busy!" Zevran chuckled and Anders huffed his breath. "Look, mate, ladies don't like when men in shiny suits of armor surround you. It can be intimidating no matter how charming you are. Not to mention having those same wind up toys watching while you're engaging the lady's affections. Surprisingly, most women don't like an audience, and Biff and the boys were hardly going to participate, nor would I want them to. Between you and me, Biff was a bit on the hairy side. You would have thought his mother dallied with a dwarf."
Kai bit her lip to keep from laughing again. "Yes, well, I had no part in the plan to dress you as a templar. I thought that privilege went to me."
"Indeed, mi amada, you are still going to be a templar, but it is our well-endowed Wynne who pointed out that the Revered Mother is the one who negotiates for lyrium with the dwarves. While our common citizens may not be aware of that, these mages might. It would be unseemly for a couple of magi, even if one is a senior enchanter, to speak to Bhelen about such things. So Wynne will dress and present herself as..."
"As the obnoxious old bat?" Kai grinned at Wynne, who tsked at her. "Yes, we wouldn't want them to figure anything was amiss and kill Rica or their son. And I need to let him know we are working on his problem, and perhaps averting one for Ferelden itself." Kai flashed Anders a saucy grin. "No matter how much our 'sparkle fingered friend,' as you call him, Zev, dislikes the notion, I think it will suit our plans nicely. We'll need to get word to Sal that we'll need not one suit of templar armor, but two, and one for—and I use this term loosely—a gentleman." The last comment elicited a hurt 'hey' from the mage in question. Kai smiled and turned to Wynne. "Are there any accoutrements worn by the Maker's fish wife that you need for your part?"
Wynne let out a heavy, exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Really, young lady, I wish you wouldn't call her that." Wynne shook her head before rolling her eyes at Kai's and Anders' cheeky grins. "Actually, that does pose a bit of a problem. I will need a set of revered vestments."
"A bit of a problem? You might have mentioned this when we were still outside of Orzammar." Kai chewed her lower lip.
"I said a bit of a problem, young lady, as in very slight, or small. Brother Burkel, who started a chantry here, thanks in no small part to you, has brought the making of robes and chantry linens to Orzammar, and enlisted the dwarven tailors who make the cloth raiment for templar armor." Wynne shrugged. "The only issue is that we will need a legitimate reason to visit Burkel so as not to arouse suspicion. The only probable reason for your going to the Chantry would be for services." Wynne's lips quirked slightly at the corners as if in controlled mirth at the look of horror on Kai's face.
"Andraste's flaming knickerweasels, you want me to go to services? Why me?" Kai couldn't quite keep the whine out of her voice, but Chantry services? Really? Wasn't coming back from the Fade enough?
"Ah, mi gra, what's the matter? It'll be good for your soul." Alistair's laughter-filled voice teased her.
"Ha, very ha! Smart guy, you wait until I get back into the Fade." Kai mock growled, though she couldn't help but smile with a cheeky mental chuckle. "If it is so good for the soul then you can attend services with me, beloved."
"Um, I think I hear your mother calling me! Bye, my love!" Alistair's laughter faded out, leaving Kai to huff into her own head.
"Yes, you, young lady. Burkel has great respect for you, and you can explain to him the seriousness of the situation. He will believe you." Wynne's smile widened like a cat sitting before an empty birdcage. "And you are the leader, after all."
Kai rolled her eyes. "But as 'leader' I shouldn't go. What if I get found out?" Her voice took on the cajoling tone of a child trying to convince a parent that bedtime was not necessary. "Why can't you go, Wynne?"
Wynne's lips quivered as she attempted to keep the mirth that was obviously trying to find an outlet. "I can't go, as I will be playing her Reverence, and I wouldn't want to take the chance on these humans seeing me. I suspect that not many dwarves make the services, nor have been converted. I would certainly stand out, and I don't want to be found out later."
"Okay, Zev can go." Kai flashed the elf a hopeful look.
Zevran gave her a cocky grin. "Ah, mi querida, I am afraid not. While I have been known to pray to the Maker, and even attend services from time to time, I will not be able to attend in your stead. I will be getting a message to the lovely and deadly Sal about armor for our friend here. And for her to get a message to Vartag to prepare Bhelen for our visit. I think it is best he act as if this trip was... expected, no?"
Kai then turned to Anders, who raised his hands and shook his head as he backed away. "As loathe as I am to say 'no' to a beautiful woman... no! You're dressing me in templar armor, which is quite enough torture, thank you very much. Just thinking about templars gives me hives, let alone being dressed as one. One second in that get up is one second too long, and you will have me in it for far longer than that, no doubt." Anders crossed his arms over his chest. "Ask me to fight darkspawn, or templars, or even dragons, and I am yours to command. My magic hands are at your disposal for any danger, including the dangers of the bedroom, but attending services at the Chantry? Dear lady, in this, you are on your own."
Kai resisted the urge to pout and stomp her feet... barely. "Fine, when are the next services?"
"As it so happens, young lady, today, in about half an hour." Wynne's lips quirked with a barely suppressed smile again. "Just enough time for you to dress and grab a quick bite to eat. We wouldn't want your stomach growling while Brother Burkel is giving the sermon, now would we?"
Kai's heavy sigh only caused more laughter to echo along the stone walls of the bedroom. "You are all evil, evil people!" But she couldn't help but smile along with them.
Kai took herself to the room she shared with Zev and put herself in the plain dress with a kerchief over her hair that she had been wearing as a seller of apples. After making sure that the tattoos on her face were covered with the makeup Leli had given her, she joined the others in Wynne's room before they journeyed downstairs and out of the inn to Tapsters.
Kai was surprised to see as many patrons in the morning as she did. Granted, the numbers did not equal the evening crowds, but it was more than she expected given the early hour. The astonishment must have registered on her face, because Anders leaned in with a hastily whispered explanation. "I daresay, my pet, that the people you see here now were here last night and have yet to go home." Kai cocked an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. "If dwarven pubs are anything like surface ones, that is."
"Experienced with that sort of thing, are you?" Kai smiled sweetly.
"Let's just say that I am not... unfamiliar with a breakfast of 'the hair of the dog that bit me,' dear lady." Anders grinned and motioned that she should precede him down the stairs to the floor of the tavern.
They were greeted by a young male dwarf who, unlike his various clientele, looked as fresh as a daisy—as Kai's nanny used to say—and was also cheerful and friendly. He led them to the back table they had occupied the night before, only to find it occupied by a dwarf whose snoring sounded like an out of tune orchestra played by pigs.
The young man—who looked enough like Corra to be a close blood relative—buoyantly bounced the heavily wheezing drunk to the stone floor of the tavern while whipping out a rag to wipe down the table's surface and gather the multiple mugs covering the table top. The freckles across his nose danced as the grin never left his face.
The drunken dwarf, unperturbed by his sudden relocation, continued to snort, the sounds of which echoed off every hard surface until a swift kick in the ribs from their host ceased the bedlam as the prone dwarf rolled over to one side. "I am Crevak, and my apologies for the noise!" This was followed by another kick by Crevak's boot-clad foot to the unfortunate drunk's backside. "Please, allow me to tell you of today's specials for the morning hour so you may break your fast, after which I will have our sonorous friend here transferred to the comfort of the street."
"Someone has one of those 'word a day' calendars given out by the Chantry, no?" Zev's voice whispered in her ear, and Kai bit her lip to keep from laughing.
They seated themselves as Crevak motioned for two large dwarves, who had been moving kegs behind the bar, to carry their inebriated fellow to the entrance. Once there, the door was flung open, and the sloshed dwarf was swung back and forth before one final swing sent him flying out the door. The porcine orchestral noises ended in a loud grunt with a moment of silence before floating through the entrance once more, only to be fully silenced when the great iron portal was slammed shut.
Anders coughed. "Remind me not to pass out in this place. Their exit policy leaves a little to be desired."
Zevran chuckled. "Indeed, my magical friend. They bring new meaning to 'here's your hat, what's your hurry,' no?"
Crevak tittered a high, girlish sort of laugh before addressing the table. "For breakfast, we have our usual assortment of fine wines, mead, liquors, and ales. We also offer the usual breakfast items: porridge, sausages, bacon, bread with butter and honey, and eggs fried in a variety of ways. Most of our morning crowd prefers porridge liberally thinned with the ale of their choice. It seems to take the edge off from the night before and get them started on the day." They watched as the dwarf produced a small pad of paper hooked together by string, and a stick of charcoal almost as if by magic. "I daresay that you all don't have the need to ease into the day in such a manner, so porridge with honey, perhaps?"
Crevak dutifully wrote down their orders before giving them a slight little bow with a snapping of his heels, and whisked away with the perpetually happy grin gracing his features.
Anders cocked an eyebrow at Crevak's departing back. "I want whatever our young server has been imbibing. It might make wearing the armor more bearable."
"It will certainly cut down on the whining that is sure to accompany your new wardrobe." Kai grinned at the mage.
"Then perhaps, dear lady, you should inquire after the source of his good humor for yourself? After all, you are about to attend celestial services delivered in the bowels of the earth. Your spirit could use the help to rise to the occasion, could it not?" Anders gave a saucy wink, followed by a low chuckle when Kai wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue in response.
Their food arrived in due time and they ate with occasional bursts of conversation around mouthfuls of food. The motion of Kai's fork slowed as the time for services drew nearer, like a child who hopes to put off washing the dishes when the food is gone. And like a child, she was caught at it by Wynne, much to the amusement of her companions.
Crevak took their plates away and brought a game board along with a bag of checker pieces. Zev and Anders placed pieces while Wynne took bets. Kai slowly rose from the table and shuffled towards the door, sighing all the way.
The Chantry wasn't far from Tapsters, Kai figured this to be a very smart move after services as she surely could not be the only one who would want to get blind drunk to have a break from the sheer boredom of an hour of her life she would never get back.
Kai entered the stone doors inset with the stained glass with the Chantry's stylized sun glowing from the torchlight from within. She made her way down the aisle to find a seat close to the front, but still in the shadows along one of the side aisles. She figured the close proximity to the altar would make it easier to catch Burkel's eye, and for her to set up a meeting, which it turned out she didn't need to do.
One hour later—which felt like ten—Kai waited for the small congregation to file out. In between wishing for sticks to prop up her eyelids and stifling yawns, going to services made her heart ache for her brother and her parents. It brought back memories of a time when her family had been whole. When she was a child and made to go to services, she and Fergus used to play different games they had invented using signals with their hands. The act of sitting in a chantry flooded her with a wave of nostalgia and longing that surprised her.
She made sure to be last in the line of parishioners filing past the brother as he shook hands and wished them the blessings of Andraste and the Maker. When it came her turn, she took his hand accepting his blessing, and kept an eye on the Nevarrans. She noted their distance from the chantry door before leaning in to speak to Burkel. As she suspected, some of the dwarves headed straight for the pub.
A small group of Nevarrans stopped a slight ways off, and one turned just as Kai was saying to the brother, "Burkel, it's me, Kai Cousland. Pretend I am the one who sells you the beeswax candles for the chantry." She nodded and smiled at Burkel while keeping an eye on the group.
Burkel looked startled for the briefest of moments before recovering, smiling in return. "Ah, my dear, so good to see you again! The recent shipment of candles you brought with you are in beautiful condition, as always. I would like to place my next order with you, and maybe discuss an idea I had for smaller prayer candles the patrons may take home and place on personal shrines?" He waved a hand into the interior of the chantry while nodding at the mages and smiling. The woman smiled and nodded before turning back to her compatriots, and then they moved on.
Kai stepped back into the shadows of the atrium while Burkel closed they door. He turned back to Kai with a look of astonishment on his face. "My child, I thought you were dead! I had word that you were killed by an assassin's trick. I am so grateful to the Maker, he and his bride be praised, that it was not true." He grabbed her arm and pulled her further into the building, stopping in the nave. "Are you here about our recent... visitors to Orzammar, by any chance?"
She grinned; the good brother was just as enthusiastic and cheerful as she remembered him. "Yes, as it so happens. And I could use your help."
She explained what they needed and where they were staying. Burkel was more than happy to provide the garments they required, and he assured her that he could have the required outfit in a few days' time, and that he would send someone to discreetly visit Wynne and tailor it for her. Kai thanked him and took a few candles, bundling them in a handkerchief before taking her leave of the brother.
Once on the throughway, Kai played it casual, wandering over to a merchant's stall and looking over the wares. The Nevarrans seemed to be back in their usual places, looming over the merchants and the citizens who were running their daily errands.
As she anticipated, the woman who watched her and Brother Burkel approached her. "Pardon me, but did I hear you and the brother talking about candles?"
Kai gave the woman a shy smile while taking her measure from under lowered lashes. "Indeed, my lady. The man I work for has an apple orchard, and they have beehives there. We make candles from the wax of the bees. We are able to supply many markets." Kai made a mental note to tell Brannan about the new possibility for income. "The Chantry does love our candles, and the taverns love our mead and cider." Kai held up the cloth-wrapped bundle she had and opened it to show the two golden candles inside. The scent of honey wafted up gently into the air between them.
Kai wondered for a moment if the game would be up as the woman ran a finger down one of the candles. "Yes, this is a lovely candle." She watched as the woman picked it up and sniffed it gently. "Would you mind if I were to purchase these from you? I'm afraid I am not used to the smell of nug fat that they use for their torches here, and I find the... scents here a bit... overwhelming." The lady didn't bother to wait for Kai's response, rather she grabbed up the handkerchief with the remaining candles while dropping a small pile of silver coins in Kai's now empty palm. She bundled up her purchase and waved dismissively to Kai before turning back to her group.
Kai bowed sightly while letting her heart return to its normal beat, and huffed a quiet sigh of relief. She was certainly glad she planned ahead with the candles.
She also felt it prudent not to be seen going into Tapsters in her role of modest merchant. She took herself back to the room she shared with Zev at the inn. She was greeted by Argus and Ser Pounce. After grabbing a book from her pack, she laid on the bed on the bed as the two animals joined her.
She wasn't sure if it was the steady sounds of Argus' deep snores, along with the kitten's purring, that put her to sleep, but she was startled awake when her mabari let out a deep woof as he jerked upright to stare at the door. It opened to reveal her companions, and Kai realized the book was laying across her chest where it came to rest when her eyelids chose to do the same.
She sat up and turned to sit at the edge of the bed as she greeted them. Anders came to sit beside her, grabbing the kitten in a quick little snuggle, which had Kai giggling and the kitten purring. Wynne sat behind them on the bed while Zev pulled up a chair.
"We made contact with our luscious friend Sal. She will see to it that there are two sets of armor, and she will get word to Vartag." Zevran grinned at her while petting Argus, who shoved his big head under the elf's hand.
Anders gave Zevran a grin. "Luscious, indeed! I am hoping for more opportunities to become acquainted with the beautiful and deadly lady."
Zev chuckled and shook his head while addressing Kai. "Ah, our conjuring friend here fell in love when the lovely rogue put her dagger tip under his chin. I think he is smitten."
"Well, you became 'smitten,' as you call it, with me after I put a dagger pommel to your skull didn't you?" Kai flashed him a wide grin. "You two are so much alike, it is truly frightening."
Anders laughed while raising an eyebrow at Zev. "Maybe it's that we are men who appreciate a woman who can make her... point so succinctly?"
Zevran's response was one of deep throated laughter. Kai figured she had best interrupt them lest they continued on with tales of past conquests, discussions of the female form, or the allure of danger and beauty combined.
Maker, they really were two peas in a pod! Kai gave a mental eye roll at the thought. She told them of her meeting with Burkel and his assurance of the revered vestments for Wynne. She also told them of her meeting with the Navarran about the candles. "Luckily for me, she was self absorbed and arrogant. She took no more notice of me than if I were a lamppost. When she had what she wanted, she dismissed me with nary a second glance."
The rest of her group seemed to give a collective sigh of relief. It was Wynne who spoke next. "Well, we will have our costumes, it seems, so perhaps we had best work on our scripts for the meeting with Bhelen?"
Kai grinned and turned sightly to look at the elder mage. "Speaking of our costumes, won't you get thrown into an Oubliette for impersonating her Revered High-assedness?"
Wynne groaned. "Only if she ever finds out, young lady. And must you use that vulgar term?"
Anders winked and spoke out of the corner of his mouth at Kai, "High-assedness, indeed! You couldn't shove a rock up her bum, the old bag. Her knickers are sucked in from all her bloviating self-importance."
Anders' comment was followed by a loud smack and an "Ow!" from the mage as Wynne's hand shot out and caught him in the back of the head.
Kai bit her lip to keep from laughing as Anders rubbed his skull. She leaned in, and in a conspiratorial tone from the corner of her mouth, said to Anders, "I'm surprised the lace doesn't poke out of her mouth from the suction, the obnoxious old bat." Even though she was expecting it, the loud smack and stinging blow elicited an "Ow!" from her lips as Wynne's hand connected with the back of her head, too.
Without missing a beat, Anders gave Kai a saucy grin. "Well, she certainly is a—"
"Legend in her own mind?" Kai finished saying for him. They both started laughing, which ceased abruptly with exclamations of pain when the air was punctuated by a double 'thwack' sound along with mild groans of distress, followed by peals of laughter as everyone—including Wynne—joined in.