Chapter ten

'Harry, we need to talk, so are you going to leave all that or just keep ignoring me?' Ron asked still glaring at Harry.

'I want to finish my work Ron, you know that's how I am,' Harry looked up at his friend and could see how angry he still was, so Harry sighed, 'Fine, for once I'll finish tomorrow, I need to eat anyway.' Harry packed up his paperwork, then grabbed his cloak, 'I'm heading out to eat, you can come with me if you want.'

'I think we need to talk first Harry.'

'Look either we eat first or I'll just finish working. I've gotten into a routine over the last couple of years and I like the way I am. We can talk after I eat, you're choice Ron.'

'We'll go with Harry to eat,' Hermione said from the door.

'What are you doing here Hermione?' Ron asked.

'Making sure you listen and not just go off Ron, I know Ginny is your sister but you have to listen to Harry and you will realise what he did was best for both of them.'

Ron stared at Hermione and realised, 'Harry spoke to your first, didn't he?'

'Yes, he did. He explained then wanted my opinion, so I gave it to him. I can be objective Ron, you can't when it comes to your sister. So are we going with Harry while he has dinner?'

'Forget it, he has my own bloody girlfriend on his side, what's the use,' Ron grabbed his cloak and stormed out of the office.

Harry and Hermione both sighed, 'Sorry Hermione, I didn't want you pulled into the middle of this.'

'You don't need to be Harry, but if Ron won't listen to you, then hopefully he will listen to me. Come on, I'll join you for dinner.'

'Hermione, go to Ron, I'm fine alone, I'm used to it. You don't want this blowing up between you two. So go, explain to Ron why I did this,' Harry hugged his friend.

'Are you sure, I don't mind staying with you.'

'I know you don't, but I'm a big boy Hermione, I'll be fine alone.'

Hermione couldn't help smiling, 'Alright, but I will see you tomorrow,' she kissed Harry's cheek, hugged him again then left.

Harry sighed again, then slowly walked from the auror offices and found a restaurant not far from the ministry. He just sat down when Susie sat opposite him.

'It wasn't because of us was it Harry?'

'No and I'll tell you why, not long after we went to Hogwarts that day, I slept with another woman, then a few more. I realised if I could do that, I wasn't in love with her. I spoke to someone that listened to everything, then he told me what he thought. I went home and thought about everything he said, what I was feeling and realised he was right. Ginny was part of the only family I've known, subconsciously I didn't want to lose that, lose her and it was only because I was already close to her and it was comfortable. I've lost people Susie, I've kept myself from getting close to anyone else, only the people I was already close to. I wasn't going to let myself lose anyone else. Ginny was there, she already loved me so I fooled myself into believing I loved her when I didn't.'

'Alright, I do know you have lost people so it would make you a little wary about getting close to anyone else. You talk to Hermione, I've seen that myself. Does she know things about you that no one else does, including Ginny?'

'Yes, I tell Hermione and Ron everything, but more Hermione. She can be objective when it's needed. She won't hold back if she thinks I'm doing something wrong or being an idiot and she will never tell anyone what I've told her, not even Ron if I ask her not too and I know that's hard on her because she loves Ron, but she knows I don't trust many people.'

'Okay, I get Hermione, she will use that smart head of hers and not her emotions. But tell me this, why do you tell Hermione things more than Ron, their both your best friends, have been for a long time.'

Harry and Susie ordered dinner before Harry answered, 'Okay, you know like everyone else does that Ron and I had a falling out during the triwizard tournament.'

'Yes, everyone saw or heard about that, he never believed you didn't put your name in the cup.'

'Right, he realised he was a prat and apologised, but it happened again. When the three of us were away, we got into a huge fight and he left, he wanted Hermione to go with him, but she stuck by me like she always has. Ron can keep things about me to himself but I've always had a small part in the back of my mind that told me to be careful with Ron because if he gets angry enough, he could say something. With Hermione, no she never would no matter how angry with me she gets. So you see, we might be best friends, but Hermione never deserted me once since we met, Ron has.'

'Alright, makes more sense now. So you never told Ginny things even though you thought you loved her and were going to get married?'

'No, I didn't and that was one thing I realised I would do if I truly loved her. Not long before Sirius died, I told him things I never wanted to admit to anyone, but I did love him and thought of him as a father. Hermione, well at first it was because of how smart she was so I always wanted her opinion on things and she told me the same thing Sirius did, their the only two that I ever told about that.'

'Okay, I get Sirius, he was your father's best friend, your godfather, family basically. So you would trust him with things. But do you feel more for Hermione than you're making yourself believe?'

'No, I think of her as a sister, that's how I feel about her. So many people have speculated about Hermione and me, but it's nothing like that. I know most blokes will have more blokes they talk to than woman, but look at me, I didn't have a normal life or childhood. So to me, having Hermione as my closest friend is natural to me.'

'I get that because from what I've heard or seen, no, you weren't like all the boys I'd seen around Hogwarts,' Susie leant closer and lowered her voice, 'Like I said to you that first night we had sex, you made sure I got satisfied, I never had that before, shows how different you are to most men.'

Harry smiled, 'Something I learned from Sirius. We might not have had a lot of time, but he did give me a few basic facts on how to treat girls even if he was single and loved being single before he went to Azkaban. If I tell you something Susie, will you keep it to yourself?'

'You should know I would Harry, but I give you my word I will.'

'After Sirius died, it took me a long time to realise I didn't have any one else to talk to. I never got the normal talk that most boys get from their father, I had no education when it came to girls, or sex. After the battle, when I realised that I was an adult who could have a normal life, I panicked wondering how I was going to learn what I needed when I had no one around to talk to. One day I went into London, to a sex shop, not for their toys as they call them, but some information. I bought a book from there and I didn't want anyone to know what I was reading, so I used to sit in the Hogshead and read. Aberforth saw what I was reading one day, so we went into his flat and he spoke to me. From that time on I realised I had someone to talk to about personal things that would keep things to himself, a male someone. I know you're used to seeing me at work, confident, never scared or worried, but then, I was really scared and lacked any self-confidence.'

'Actually that makes sense Harry. With your life, yeah, you're good at fighting, that's why you are a great auror, but you never had a father, never had a normal life growing up so you lacked those skills and knowledge that most boys get from a family when they grow up. I heard you were close to Dumbledore though, didn't you ever talk to him?'

'Never really got a chance, it was always on Voldemort. Once we spoke about personal things and I did ask about girls, but he admitted he never had any experience with girls in that way so he couldn't really help apart from some basic knowledge. Then we got stuck back into everything on Voldemort.'

'Okay, again, it makes sense apart from why he never had any experience with girls. Didn't he ever have a relationship?'

Harry grinned, 'Again, keep this to yourself, but he had a long relationship, with his partner, a man Susie, Dumbledore was gay.'

'Blimey, that's a lot to hear, but why didn't anyone know about that?'

'He kept it to himself because he realised the governors would never allow him to teach if they knew. Back then, no, it wasn't accepted, not like today. He only told me because we spent so much time alone in his office he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable if I found out by accident and if people started saying things about why I spent so much time alone with him.'

'Which is what Skeeter speculated in her book, I get it. So all this is why you've been a little on the quiet side the last few weeks, it's got to be hard on you. But one thing, I know what you said, about not telling anyone but Hermione and Ron things, which I do get. So much had been written about you over the years and hardly any was true. But if you ever want to talk, not about things you don't want to tell people, but just talk, you've got me to talk to, anytime, even without the sex.'

Harry smiled and knew Susie would be there to talk to if he wanted to just like Hermione has. With Hermione, Harry was worried how she and Ron would handle this because Hermione will have a go back at Ron if he started. So Harry hoped their relationship didn't suffer because Hermione had stayed loyal to Harry.