Chapter Twelve

Nathaniel woke quickly, sleep fading as he sat up, and slid a hand across her spot; it was still warm. The bathroom door was closed, he opened it slowly. Alicia leaned against the counter, her tank rucked up her sides in one hand she held the mini scanner from her med kit.

Nathaniel felt the first pang of fear as he noticed her hand was shaking. Alicia was rock solid, he'd seen her work calm and steady in the worst of circumstances but the machine beeped and flashed red; unable to get a read. As she hit the button again he stepped close, covering her hand with his.

The little machine began to whir busily as they waited in silence. Suddenly Alicia jerked away from him, and it took half a second to register as she wretched; privately he thought the machine had to be useless. If she was far enough along for this then the thing should be giving them a read.

He gathered her long hair at the base of her neck, holding it out of her face her and rubbed his other hand over her back; feeling rather useless. Her body shook in several more dry heaves before she started to stand, when she did he pulled her away and settled her on the edge of the tub; soaking a cloth in cold water and offering it to her.

They didn't speak as he picked up the scanner, reset it again and held it near her. It took several minutes to beep again, coming up with a screen full of abbreviations and numbers that meant nothing to him; he offered it to her. He didn't care what it said, if it didn't get a read he figured it was busted.

He watched her read, her brow knit slightly and he decided to roll the dice. "How far?"

"It's not a clear read, I know I am about two weeks late but that doesn't mean much."

"Should you get a clear read if you are two weeks along?" He was not going to think about everything that had happened in the past few weeks; neither of them had known and nothing could be done about it now. "Could it be those meds?"

"If I go by the instructions then yes but we both know how reliable those were and this is my first time using it to try find a pregnancy. I don't know about the meds." Her voice was tight, her cheeks still pale and he knew she was frustrated, he understood that. "I'll go talk to Elisabeth, don't get on my back."

He swallowed hard. "No."

She started to say something but he pulled her up, tugging her towards their bed. "Alicia I am your husband not your jailer. I don't want to get on your back, I don't mean to."

Stretched out beside her he slid a hand down to her belly, they weren't going to start this now. He knew no matter if or when Alicia had their child he would war with himself between loving and wanting to smother her. But this was supposed to be a good time, the last period when they were just two in this family; and an experience neither of them had before.

He had spent most of Ayani's pregnancy overseas, and the brief periods he had been home she had been hesitant to let him get involved and he understood that. She was a military wife, never truly sure if it would be her husband on the door or officers with faces set in grim silence. Somewhere he had always known she was preparing for life after him, always leaving that little bit of distance so it might not be so hard. He had accepted that but never prepared for life after her, and never could have imagined he would have this with Alicia.

As they tried for a child he had struggled with what he felt for her; what he had missed before. The excitement and love he felt for the woman in his arms now, the woman who lived as he did and took the risks he did. And it had taken time to understand he was still alive, given another chance and it did no harm to the memory of his first wife to enjoy this; that relationship and life were gone.

Alicia nuzzled into his shoulder, one hand slid around to rub her back. "We are in no rush, we are in a good place; the colony is safe. We can figure this out together, it doesn't matter if results take a few more days. The only thing I don't want you to do is spar, I won't shut you down on anything but that."

She was silent, curled into him and eyes closed, Nathaniel didn't have much doubt after this morning but for a time he wanted this to be theirs. Alicia would need a doctor's care before too long, but for now it was their joy; their baby.