If I Fell - Part 4

The six of us trooped up Mathew Street. George and Marie were at the front, he had his arm around her shoulder whilst Pete and Paul were ahead of us talking and playing the fool, Paul kept jabbing Pete in the back to make him jump. It was a freezing day, but the winter sun shone down on the buildings of Liverpool, it looked beautiful and alive. That's how this morning had made me feel; alive. My ears were still ringing from the Cavern, and I had a slight headache but didn't really care, the music had stirred something in me, and now here I was, walking holding hands with John. He too, looked beautiful in the sunlight, as it sparkled on his auburn hair, in his brown eyes and on his leathers. He was stunning. I tickled his palm slightly and he smiled. "Casanova didn't tell you the full story earlier you know," he said finally breaking the silence. My ears perked up. "What about?" I asked, feeling a little nervous about what he might tell me. He sighed, seemingly reluctant to reveal more and soon came to a halt.

"John, we'll lose the others," I told him, pointing as they carried on without us. "It's ok, George always goes to the Jacaranda, we'll catch up...". He sounded quite solemn, a tone I hadn't heard in his voice before. In fact his whole demeanour had changed – his shoulders had dropped, and he looked at the ground. "When I told Paul I'd asked you to come and watch us, he said that he was already in there. He pissed me off, so I said you were too prim to skive off anyway and you'd not turn up," Wow, Paul had a good opinion of himself! "I'm sorry, I'm a fucking idiot. I didn't mean to upset you back there." I stood looking quite gormless. John just shuffled his feet and pretended to look around at the scenery. An elderly woman walked by us and he pulled a ridiculous face at her – she scowled and muttered under her breath which made me start laughing. "It's, it's ok John! It's forgotten," I said between giggles. "Mates?" he asked. I nodded, and we continued walking together, although John didn't offer me his hand again. I was pleased he'd apologised but, mates? What about all those looks back in the Cavern? I glanced at him, and felt a little sad. Maybe I'd gotten too caught up in today, in the atmosphere and the music. It was easy to do – these lads and their music, I could see how they could become an addiction. The way they bounced off eachother, their humour, their looks – so very appealing. And now it sounded like John just saw me as a potential new friend, nothing more. I wasn't sure how to feel all of a sudden.

Turning into Church Street, I then saw George, Marie, Paul and Pete coming back. "Jac's closed ... what now?" asked George asked they all reached us. Paul dragged on his cigarette before tossing it to the ground, "Well my dad's got stuff in at home, we could rustle up egg and chip butties?", he looked around at us all for approval and various voices agreed "Yeah nice one Paul", "Yes please I'm starving now!", "Come on then!". The boys all ran off ahead, dodging passersby, whilst Marie and I followed on behind. What a bunch of madmen they all looked. "George's asked me out!" she squeaked excitedly as we turned back into Mathew Street. "Really? He seems a nice boy," I said as I watched them lugging their instruments and equipment into the back of their van, Paul smiling at me as he jumped down after putting his bass in. I smiled back. To be honest, I was still confused about him kissing me earlier, and then acting like nothing had happened – I did feel like I was being played with slightly, especially with John revealing that Paul thought he was "in there" with me, and John himself holding my hand and in the next breath asking to be mates. Oh too many thoughts going around... "Saturday night at the Grapes, I can't wait Ellie! Ellie?" Oops! Poor Marie was still talking about George and I'd not heard any of it. Oh, sorry, think the cold's getting to me now," I rubbed my hands together, then George called us over to get in. "Where?!" I asked as we approached, seeing it was a three seater at the front. "In here with our gear!" chirped George, pointing at the open doors. He jumped in, and held his hand out to Marie who had no objections, then helped me in. It smelt musty and I tried not to trip over Pete's drumkit. "It's freezing in here!" I yelped as I sat down on the cold metal. Pete got into the driver's seat and John got in next to him, singing "Do You Want to Know A Secret" under his breath. I did love his voice, it was soft yet powerful, passionate. The van creaked as Paul then got into the back with us, easing himself next to me. "You don't mind if I sit next to you Ellie?" he asked as he pulled the doors of the van shut. "No Paul, go ahead," I was perplexed though – he could have got in the front with John and Pete and been much more comfortable, instead of cramped back here. Ha, perhaps Paul still thought he was "in there"... hmm. A thought ran about in my head, that maybe I should have some fun for once in my life, instead of always being scared. I liked John, I liked him a LOT. But if he only wanted to be mates, then why not have a bit of a flirt with Paul? He had at least kissed me, he had made me feel desirable, something I'd not felt before. I leant in and whispered in his ear "You were great today", whilst squeezing his knee. He looked down at my hand on his leg and back up, his hazel eyes big and surprised. A smile spread over his face. As we pulled out of Mathew Street, I lurched forward, and he caught me around the waist. Before today I would have politely thanked him and got out of his grip but now? I couldn't really describe how it felt but I liked Paul holding me, it made me want more.

Marie and I soon learnt that Pete, though having a steady hand for drumming, was not so steady on the road! We got thrown about vigorously as he weaved about the Liverpool roads, it was quite hair-raising. He and John sang blues ditties, it was a jolly atmosphere. Paul still had his arms encircled about my waist and to be honest I was enjoying every minute of it. Marie shot me little smiles as she and George held hands, they were so sweet! The roads soon became familiar and I noticed we'd turned into Menlove Avenue. "Oh, whereabouts do you live Paul?" I asked. "Forthlin Road, just off Mather Avenue – the street John and I were on Tuesday night. Dying for a cuppa," he revealed. A voice came from the front, "There's my house, well my Aunt Mimi's" - John pointed to a pretty semi detached house with black gates and a well kept hedge. I was surprised – I'd not pictured him living in such a nice house. "It's lovely John" I said as we passed it. Paul put his mouth near my ear "He's mainly at my house anyway, Mimi's a dragon!" he chuckled. Pete soon swung into our destination – Forthlin Road was a small street with pleasant looking terraced houses, similar to my street. I was relieved when he finally stopped – I'd been hungry before but Pete's driving had unsettled my stomach, like Paul though I was looking forward to a cup of tea. The back doors opened and Pete jumped in, and began examining his drum kit. "Never man your skins Best, what about us?" asked Paul, moving his feet as George and Marie stepped over us to climb out. "You're talking Paul, that means you're ok" said Pete dryly. I turned to see John standing at the door. "You coming?" he drawled. Paul pulled me up and as I jumped down John caught me. For a brief moment I felt the same happy feeling I'd had earlier when he'd held my hand but then my brain scolded me. "Mates. Remember he doesn't want you, he wants to be mates!" it shouted. "Yes, thanks brain I know " I thought. Paul bounded up a path - "This is me, 20". He unlocked the door and stood back "After you, girls" and motioned Marie and I to go in.

It was a nice place, to the right were the stairs, and straight ahead was the kitchen. The walls were a pale yellow, and the stairs were painted cream. An orange patterned runner went up the stairs and also along the hall. It felt clean, and homely. Paul opened a door on the left "Sitting room" he told us. George charged in first and headed straight for an armchair by the fire, he wasn't stupid! He grinned at Marie and patted his lap. She beamed and settled into the chair with him, whilst Paul turned the fire on. I looked around the room; there was the armchair George had comandeered with a television set on a stand next to it, a small table, a little sofa in front of the window, and an upright piano on the far wall. "I'm just going to have a ciggie," Pete said, and started out of the room, and I noticed John glance at me, then fumble in his jacket. "I'll join you" he called and followed him out the front door. I could see them through the net curtain lighting up, murmuring to eachother. "Right," said Paul after he'd warmed his hand in front of the coals, "Grub!". "Would you like a hand?" I asked, not wishing to be a third wheel in the George and Marie show. He nodded and led me to the kitchen, "You're in charge of the tea, cups on the hooks love" he informed me, and I set about preparing six cups. "Hold on, not frying in this, no way!" Paul said and disappeared into the hall, I watched him take his leather jacket off and hang it on the banister. "Last time I did that I had fat spatters covering it..." he moaned, and pulled an apron off the back of the door. As he tied it round himself I started laughing, I couldn't help it! "What?" he laughed with me. It was the sight of him in his tight black t-shirt and leather trousers, wearing a floral apron – the contrast was so funny. "Oh just you in that thing!" I managed to gasp, and Paul shook his head in amusement whilst lighting the stove. "Eggs... eggs" he said and scrabbled around on the shelf above him. I filled up the kettle and handed it to him, he set it next to the frying pan. As the oil began to spit, he started cracking the eggs one after another. Watching him, I decided to take the opportunity whilst we were alone.

"Paul, can I ask you a question?" I asked softly. "You can, what's up?" he replied flipping oil over the sizzling eggs.

"Why did you kiss me this morning?". There. I had managed to ask him.

His posture changed slightly, and he turned around to face me. "I'll tell you when you've buttered the bread. Half a loaf please!". He pointed at a loaf wrapped up on the table, and reached a butter dish from another shelf. "Knife?" I asked, and he prompty opened a drawer and fished one out. As I began buttering, I wondered what he was going to say. Perhaps he really was like this with every girl, and I was nothing special, just another one. Maybe he had just felt sorry for me after John's dig. I had enjoyed the closeness with him, and I wanted to experience it again.

"What you really want Ellie is to experience it with John," my brain volunteered.

"Yes, perhaps, okay yes I do. But he wants to be friends. So that's that. I'm tired of being a wallflower, I want to have some fun." I mentally argued.

"John is the one. Not Paul. John John John John John John", retorted my brain.

"Shut up!".

I looked down at the bread I'd been absentmindedly butttering, I'd nearly stabbed it. Paul headed over with the pan and ladled the eggs onto each slice. "Right, my answer..." he said wiping his hands on the apron. Oh God. He pulled the apron up over his head and walked towards me. "Because..." he leaned in closer and my heart rate leapt as he moved in for a kiss once again. Oh his kisses... they were warm and sweet. Now I'd discovered kissing, I was becoming hooked, and Paul was a great teacher. He pulled away and smiled. "the way you looked, was way beyond compare". He picked up the tray of food and disappeared into the sitting room and I heard him shout "Who wants butties?!".