There's a mother fucking race war going on in my state.

Search up 'Situation in Manipur' for more info because I don't have much time to explain.

…

As Souna walked away from him, Issei Hyoudou tilted his head and mumbled a question to himself,

"..what ..are you, senpai?..."

He stared as she left for a moment before walking towards the entrance of his school without uttering a single wo—

"Ah! What am I saying… senpai is senpai!" Senpai is a demon. Issei quietly thought to himself as he walked inside, pleasantly greetings fellow classmates who seemed to be too shocked to… re..spond…

Wait, I thought I was late? Why are there—

There were way less students then there should have been.

…and most of them weren't in there classes.

"???" Issei shook his head around like a madman, trying to comprehend what was going on until—!

"Yo, Issei-san. You're early."

Kiba. Or, as Issei knew him as, 'The Handsome Prince of Kuoh' greeted him in his confusion.

His words revealed and important clue— nevermind, it releaved the entire thing.

'Early'

Issei had never heard that word in school, except in biology class and when he would go to his clubs but he was never 'early' to school.

Either he was late, or he was right on time.

Never 'early'.

Something was definitely wrong.

"Handsome-san—"

Kiba's friendly expression twitched.

"—when did you come to school?"

Ryounosuke croaked out short laughs from within his pocket.

"Five…" Kiba made a thoughtful face that would have incapacitated any of his girl fans, "...thirty, I think? Why're y—"

A cloud of dust replaced Issei's figure.

A trail of broken floors and sunken dirt was left in his wake as he ran as fast as his body possibly could without collapsing.

He jumped as he reached the closed gate of his school— and crossed it in a singular leap that continued on into a run.

Run! Run! RUN!

"...I don't get you."

Issei leapt up at a tree and swung himself off it to land on a red tiled rooftop with a slide before continuing on into a single leg jump which launched him into another roof.

Seconds before reaching the next rooftop he shifted his body just a bit, making the right side of his body tilt to the side which allowed him to grab onto one of the tiles on the roof and spin himself around right before landing and redirect all his momentum into another direction. It was like a bullet changing direction after being fired.

Issei sharply crashed into a tree after a few seconds of slowly descending travel. After shaking off the irrelevant —he broke a bone— pain in his leg he grabbed onto the tree with his hand and rotated himself to face the rooftop of another house—

Shinohara's greenhouse, to be precise.

He buckled his knees a tiny bit more.

Took a deep breath.

I hope this works.

And leapt—!!

The tree almost snapped in two as Issei's feet left it. The boy himself was launched like a missile at his mentor's —currently empty— house.

He passed by more trees,

Slid up the glass covering of the dome shaped house cartoonishly,

Caught a glimpse of a purple ribbon,

And finally—

"WWWAAAAA!!!"

*BAAAAYUUUUUUMMMM!!!*

Crashed into his own home with enough force to crack a ten ton boulder which was transferred evenly into the walls as he lannded sibeways on both his feet.

That might have broken a bone or two.

"Try seven."

Issei dropped to the floor slowly, like a slug.

"Wor…th.." He took a breath, slowly standing up on shaking legs as he stumbled his way to his watering can, "...it…"

The frog in his pocket jumped high into the air and smacked his face with his tounge before falling back into his pocket.

"I fail to understand why you and my old contractor have an obsession with plants."

"Haha… maybe it's contagious…" Issei replied while grabbing his watering can and dragging himself back to his balcony where he began watering his plants.

"That would be improbable… wait, do you have white hair growing out by any chance?"

"What? No, that's Shinohara-san's thing."

"His… what?"

"Shinohara-san has wh—"

"No- not— forget about it for now. Focus at the current task at hand."

"...I'm just watering my plants."

"Look behind you."

.

.

.

"My parents are behind me aren't there?*

"Your mother is."

I slowly— and I mean slowly craned my head back to the sight of my mother standing behind me like a hound about to devour its prey.

"Ohayo, Kaa-san." I was doomed.

"Why are you still at home, Issei?"

I was doomed to an eternity in hell.

A white haired man plucks a pure white lily of the vally from atop a steep mountain.

"Eight more left."

Everything hurt.

"She didn't even hit you once."

Words have power, Jourmangandr-ossan. The storm of words my mother just said to me just now…

I shuddered.

"'Hath no fury like a woman enraged.' Father told me once.. I thought it was another one of his lies."

"Father?"

"... seriously?"

"What? I know some gods of Norse myth but all my mythological knowledge is stuck on Kanto Gods!" I replied while watering my plants once more. Mom had told me to come down and eat breakfast in less than ten minutes but I could spare five.

Right?

"How do you not know about Loki?"

"I just don't— ok! I know about Thor, Brunhildyr, Freya, Thrud, Angraboda—"

"Aside from Thor, all of them are women aren't they?"

My watering can stopped watering as I froze in place.

"May~be…"

"Oh old contractor so help me; ANGRABODA IS MY MOTHER YOU PERVERTED SWINE!"

"Hey wha— why are you suddenly shouting!?"

"I HAVE SPENT ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU TO KNOW YOUR INTENTIONS WITH WOMEN YOU THOUGHTLESS CHILD!"

"I LIKE READING LEGENDS, NOT JERKING OFF TO THEM YOU OLD SNAKE!" The watering can was put down and I stormed inside my l room to get the potted plants on desk some sunlight for the day.

What? I'm talking to a giant snake inside my head, not fighting it. I need to finish my early morning garden tending before rushing back to school again.

"And I can name atleast three male gods from Norse Myth!" I said while puffing out my chest and carefully putting my cactus, night lily, red liliy and snake plant in a place where they would get enough sun— but not too much.

"Oh? Please do then. Excluding Thor and Loki of course."

No!"Allright then! Tyr! …uh…" wait, Brunhildyr had a boyfriend! What was his name again… Sigmund? Sigrud? Sigma— got it! "Sigurd! And…" The guy that ate Tyr'd arm! "Fenfi—"

"DO NOT CALL HIM FENFIR! HE'LL JUMP THROUGH DIMENSIONS TO EAT YOUR HEAD YOU TROGLOBYTE!"

Wow. The insults were getting harsher and harsher every time he spoke.

"Didn't you just call him Fenfir?"

"..."

"..."

"You have two minutes."

"For what!?" I turned to my clock— 7:58.

Two minutes before mother kicked down my door and dragged me to eat breakfast.

Did tending my small garden take almost an hour? Yes. Could I have done it faster? Also, yes. Would it have been perfect if I did? HELL NO!

I shot through my door from where I was standing, slid to the right and down the stairs by shifting the momentum and grabbed one of the railings of the stairs before launching myself into the kitchen as slow as I could— I landed swiftly in my chair.

"That's some movement."

Thank you. I was tortured for years to get this good. All the banter from before ignored like we were old friends who had met in kindergarten, Jourmangandr-ossan and I sat in silance for a while as I ate my breakfast.

Dad was off to work… or probably —most likely— moaning in pain in bed. I hope mom didn't break his spine this time.

Mom was washing dishes, humming a tune she probably heard on TV.

And—

"Would you die for me?"

—I was suddenly reminded that this sense of peace could have been stripped away and destroyed yesterday.

I admit, I almost choked on my food at the sudden memory— probably would have if I hadn't swallowed my rice fast enough.

Her face, her voice, her wings, the feeling of everything burning in my body.

All of it came back to haunt me for a slightest moment.

'Ammano Yuuma' was still out there.

The thing that killed me was still out there.

"Thanks for the meal!" I finished up my meal right then and there. Mom was a bit surprised since I usually finished my meals before leaving for school and insisted that I eat some more but I ran out the second she said something about 'eating healthy again'.

I'm sorry but even as a teenager I still can't fathom the taste of kale.

"Yuck."

"What are you? A child?"

If I didn't have to eat kale. Then yes.

As I thought that, I crouched and leaned forward a bit infront of the entrance of my house and exclaimed:

"Issei Hyoudou's guide on how to get to school in 10 minutes!"

I leapt.

…

['Souna Shitori']

[A little bit after Issei left to water his plants]

"Issei left the school half an hour ago."

I held my eyes from twitching by closing them shut and taking a calming breath.

"Do you know why he did that?"

Saji, while shaking, looked at the clock placed behind me and responded after a deep gulp,

"H-He probably went to w-water his p-plants."

.

.

.

Water his plants?

Some things are true good to be true, aren't they.

Hyoudou comming to school early would be one of them.

He was either exactly on time or exactly twenty minutes late.

There was no inbetween.

It was also coupled with something something all of us student council members had given up trying to solve.

"Hyoudou's weird obsession with plants hasn't stopped yet, has it."

"I don't think we can 'stop' it Kaichou." Saji said to me in a stone faced expression.

It was good at times, having someone with extensive knowledge on plants and living organisms had somehow gotten Hyoudou an unofficial PHD in biology and poisons— poisons made from plants.

Useful when on school trips since when someone always wanted to be 'cool' and eat unknown mushrooms, Hyoudou would choke them out.

And downright annoying because it meant that Hyoudou was almost always late to school, causing many problems with his attendance.

"Tell him his attendece rate is at 7.9%."

"For this month!?"

"For the whole first semester."

Everyone in the council room stopped whatever they were doing and turned their heads to stare at me with gaping expressions.

I could understand their surprise, Hyoudou was always present to school after all.

"S-seven point nin—" Saji tried to yell out loud but Tsubasa got him in a choke hold before he could.

I nodded at her, Thank you Tsubasa.

"Most of you are surprised because he's always present to his classes. But the school doesn't mark him as present if he's late to school and misses attendance, even if he's present in school."

Saji was trying to say something while struggling onto breath.

"Tsubaki, how long before he's late again?"

Tsubaki, who was standing beside me checked the clock once more.

"Another half hour."

"Hm… he should be able to reach his class in time."

Saji bit down on Tsubasa's hand and barely escaped with his consiousness.

"—I… ha… I don't think he'll make… it… ha…" I turned my sight to saji as he said that. Tsubasa was rolling on the ground behind him in pain.

"And why would that be?"

"Issei… takes at the least 45 minutes to finishe watering his plants…"

"But he left a while ago, didn't he?" Momo asks him the question.

"...do you think he can make it back in time with the travel distance between the school and his house?"

.

.

.

I sighed.

"All we can do now is wait. Hyoudou can travel fast on foot so he might be able to reach here in time." One of the biggest resions Rias and I wanted him to join our peerage, his speed, even currently as a human could rival low class devil's like Saji and even my knight, Tsubaki. Kiba might be faster but that was something we couldn't measure yet.

If he was reincarnated as a knight his speed would be overwhelming.

Though that wasn't the only reason I wanted him. Rias only wanted his speed and possible draconic sacred gear.

I wanted him, if not as a knight then as a bishop because of his unbeatable knowledge in biology— which if extended to the supernatural and given enough time to flourish…

Issei Hyoudou would be a feild medic to be reckoned with. (Sona's mind: Biology=Knowledge of bodies and medicine)

I sighed tiredly.

If only he took intrest in anything other than plants.

Yes, the second biggest downside to the current Hyoudou. His obsession with flora made him an expert in that field but with fauna…

He was lacking, not too much— but he was lacking.

His potential in his one field could not be compared.

And if he was taught magic, that potential could be greatly utilised.

"We just have to wait then." I declared before continuing, "I can pull some strings to make sure that he doesn't get expelled but he would have to be present to all his classes from the start next year."

"Saji, go check the entrance and see if he's going to be late again."

"Yes Kaichou!"

"And you have permission to search for him outside of school if he's too late. I received information about rogue Fallen Angels from Rias earlier today."

"... yes, Kaichou."

"HAAHA!! IT'S BEEN SOO LONG!!" I, Issei Hyoudou yelled in absolute delight as I flew past several walls and houses.

How was I doing this?

How was I mimicking flight?

Well, to tell you the truth I had leapt off the walls near my house several times to gain a lot of momentum from rapidly bouncing off the walls which I was now currently using to… well glide.

Would the landing hurt? I was going to break my legs if I landed improperly.

Was this faster than doing some parkour? Yes.

Was I going in the wrong direction?

… wait what?

"I've been trying to tell you that for the past five minutes."

Snapping out of my blissful ignorance I turned my eyesight downwards.

Oh no.

There were two roads to school; The long one which required me running at my top speed in zig zag pattern and; The short one where I could just jump my way straight to it.

And I was currently about to hit a tree in the middle of both— in a certain park.

I could jump off from the park walls nearby but there was a thing I needed to focus on the most right now.

"Please don't break!" I prayed to whomever was watching from above as I braced for impact and!!

*CRASH!*

—I bent my knees inward and lowered my upper back in order to reduce the impact.

IT STILL HURT A LOT!!

"My legs! I can't feel— wait no, I can feel them just fine and THEY HURT!" I yelled out in pain as I fell down to the rough dirt below.

Atleast nothing was broken… Jourmangandr?

"Two small bones near your hip."

Shit.

"I-I can still jump… r-right?"

"If you want to collapse, then yes."

I spread my body on the dirt and sighed.

"Goddamnit."

…

A couple of minutes later I was walking through the park with a slight limp.

Why? Read the last few lines if you don't know already.

"I can probably jump off from the red house over there." I was contemplating my launching place while walking, not paying attention to my surroundings.

"No, that'll lead to me crashing into another house."

"What about that one with the blue roof… wait, I can't climb that high right now."

"Ohh! That small house with a flat roof is pe—"

*Crash*

I took a slight step back as to not fully fall on my butt.

"Ah, so—" For the first time since Shinohara-san showed me how to destroy a rock with my pinky finger, I froze at a glamorous sight.

White, prestine, supreme, the greatest sight a man like me could behold!!

—A girl's —still covered— bottom.

All that training with Shinohara-san three years prior came in to help and I did not have a nosebleed!

"O-ou… [Sorry…]" I lifted my eyes from the girl's exposed panties and looked at her face.

A delicate face with green eyes and sparkling blonde hair that had fallen to her shoulders as the wind and the sudden collision had removed her veil.

If I could describe her in three words, it would be:

My ideal girlfriend.

"A-ah, sorry for b-bumping into you," I extended my hand to lift her up, "My name is Issei Hyoudou, nice to meet you."

"[Thank you] I-I am Asia Argento!"

And so, the first step towards despair is taken.

…