Chapter 22
SLAM
The noise echoed inside the mansion, bringing Niles out of his troubled thoughts. His ears perked up upon hearing the sound – that could either be his wife or his child. Judging by the time, he'd make a safe bet on that being Amelia; Fran had offered to drive her home from school that afternoon.
He pushed back his chair, ready to go and greet his little girl...
His little girl, who continued to withdraw from them with every day that went past.
The following month after the ultrasound, he and C.C. had done as they'd agreed – they'd been subtle, given Amelia more attention and had tried to make her understand just how much they loved her, but nothing seemed to work. This time it was as though she was the one who wanted to get away from them (and by them Niles meant him). If anything, her sadness had quickly morphed into a strange kind of silent anger.
It was a cold type of anger – a more passive type of anger, but what it lacked in aggressiveness, it had in indifference. But, to be fair, Amelia´s anger had multiple sides, like a monster with numerous heads. Sometimes it would be manifested in her refusing his offers to read her a story before going to bed (like he'd done since he'd moved in with them) or her choosing to spend her weekends away at her grandparents' house instead of at home with them.
It frustrated him; it frustrated him to no end because he didn't know how to help her. C.C. still wanted to give her some time to calm down – "she is just like me", she'd said, "she needs some time to process everything" – but he wasn't sure that this was the right way to go about this. Granted, Amelia hadn't had another outburst since the ultrasound (which, Niles suspected, had lulled C.C. into a naïve sense of security) but he suspected that the girl was not getting better, but rather bottling up what she really felt.
And the house… the house was, in his opinion, the most compelling evidence that something was not alright with Amelia – the silence, previously foreign, had become a constant companion. There was no music coming from Amelia´s room, no laughter, no nothing…
Come to think of it, one of the first things to go had been the sound of Amelia´s voice. She´d become awfully quiet… almost as if she had willingly cloistered inside herself. More often than not, their girl spent her time in her room or in her little terrace if the weather was nice. She only interacted with them when necessity called for it.
Neither he nor C.C. could really understand what was happening with Amelia. She'd seemed to develop a completely new personality! She'd never been disrespectful towards them or had actually showed she was upset – as he'd said before, it was a matter of her developing a completely new personality and way of interacting with them.
But even if the evidence was pointing in that direction, Niles still refused to believe Amelia thought that they didn't love her… it couldn't be that! He wouldn't be able to bear it. So he'd devoted his time to trying to make Amelia happy, but clearly his efforts weren't enough.
He wasn't planning on giving up, though – every day was a new opportunity to let his child know just how much he loved her.
"Hey sweetie!" Niles said, spotting Amelia crossing the door. "How was school?"
Amelia threw her coat over a hook on the wall, slung her bag back over her shoulder, and dashed upstairs, "Fine. I have homework."
Niles and Fran could only stare, watching her bounding up to her room like no force on Earth could make her stay downstairs for a single second longer.
Niles flinched when he heard her bedroom door slam (as usual), and then he sighed.
Fran put her hands on her hips, appearing more than a little surprised, "Well! This is certainly new behaviour!"
"You're telling me," Niles turned, and the pair began to make their way into the kitchen. Both could already tell that some kind of talk was on the way, so coffee and a selection of baked goods was in order.
She slipped into a chair as he began to make the drinks, but saved her questions until he'd sat and they could both talk comfortably.
"How long has she been like this?" Fran took a bite out of one of the pastries Niles had brought back to the table with him, settled in for a long explanation.
Niles gulped his drink in return. If it was a long explanation Fran wanted, that's what she was going to get.
"Well...it started about the time we told her about the pregnancy," he began. "I don't know what changed, though. She just...suddenly seemed angrier. She's also been refusing to be read a story, and barely accepting being tucked in before bed. She's spent more weekends at Stewart's or B.B.'s than she has here since then, too. And...I don't know, something in its entirety just feels off...! The doctor suggested she is jealous of the twins, but I am not sure, and she denied it before…"
He rested his head in his hand, fingers covering his face. But between them, he could see Fran looking at him worriedly.
"Hm… perhaps it's just a phase?" she suggested, the tone in her voice sounding like she was hoping to cheer him up. "Ya know how kids are – they get told at school by their friends that hanging around with their parents and being tucked in and read stories and stuff is for little kids, and for babies. Maybe she's just tryin' to assert a little bit of independence, to prove that she's grown up?"
"In third grade?" Niles replied, his tone hinting just how unlikely that suggestion was. Of course it would be easier to think this was just a phase that was a result of trying to be accepted by her peers, but he knew Amelia... and that wasn't the case.
There was something else. Something deeper. Something that he feared was hurting her. He wanted nothing else than to make the pain go away, but Amelia had chosen to shut herself away, and his attempts at reaching her had been fruitless so far. What's more – every time he'd tried to get closer to her, she'd seemed to take yet another step away from him.
He wasn't used to this... he wasn't used to not knowing what to do. He wasn't used to feeling useless... especially when it came to his daughter's wellbeing.
"I don't know, Scarecrow," Fran shrugged. "Have ya talked ta her about it?"
Niles shook his head no as he stirred his tea. "Not really. She is like C.C. in that regard – she dislikes talking about her feelings, so we've tried to give her extra attention but we haven´t really talked about this.
"Well... then ya need ta talk to her! Even if it makes her uncomfortable!" Fran exclaimed, getting to her feet. She wandered towards the fridge and took out the milk before retrieving a cup from one of the kitchen cupboards. "Ya need ta go ta her! Grab some cookies and I'll warm up a cup milk."
"But wh-"
"Just do it!" Fran said, pouring the milk into the cup. "Make her feel comfortable, and then, when C.C. comes back have a talk with her!"
Niles pursed his lips. He knew it was a good suggestion, but maybe his child wouldn't appreciate it. Amelia had become incredibly tetchy over the last few months. Maybe a small gesture was all that was needed... a plate of cookies and some warm milk, like in the old times.
"Here," Fran said, giving him the cup. "Go up ta her and cheer her up. She told me she just got an A+ on her art project, so praisin' her fer that could work well, too. Ya know, it was good they had time ta complete it! Eve told me most kids got their parents to help them!"
"What art project?" Niles couldn't help but be confused. Amelia hadn't mentioned any art project, especially not one that she'd gotten such a good grade on!
Fran's face fell, "She didn't tell ya?"
"No!" this really was worrying. She'd had a project to complete, and she'd done it all by herself, and then when the time came for her to get her result, she hadn't even told them she'd gotten a good grade!
He had to talk to her immediately.
Luckily, Fran seemed to think the same thing, and she began ushering him in the direction of the stairs, "Then go! Go, see yer daughter and get this whole thing settled. I'll show myself out."
Bidding Fran farewell at the door, he began to make his way upstairs.
Each and every step he took, he practiced where he'd start and what he'd say. He had to be delicate, he didn't want her to think she was in trouble when she hadn't actually done anything wrong. Hopefully, all she needed was a little love and understanding. Some warm milk and cookies, just like before – just like before everything seemed to have changed for no real reason...
The change in her attitude hadn't been brusque, but rather progressive. She'd become more and more isolated from them as the months went past, and only now he was truly feeling as though she was slipping through his fingers. Her behaviour was frustratingly similar to C.C.'s when she was upset about something – both mother and daughter had a tendency to bottle their feelings. They allowed them to sit there, until they simmered with anger. It wasn't the best of their traits, but he loved them just the same.
"Amelia?" Niles said as he pushed the door – which was ajar – open.
He found his child sat at her desk, her copybooks and textbooks open as she completed her homework. She didn't even turn around to face him when he entered – what is more, she seemed to get suddenly tense.
"Yes?" Amelia asked in a clipped voice.
Niles grimaced. Why hadn't she said "yes Daddy"? She always said "yes Daddy"...
But he had to be strong – he was the parent here, and he had to find out what was wrong with Amelia.
"I brought you some cookies and milk!" he said, setting them on her bedside table. "Aunt Fran told me about the art project, too! Why didn't you tell us you got such a good grade?"
Amelia shrugged. "I didn't think you'd care. It's just a silly project," she glanced at the cookies and the milk before frowning and going back to her work. "And I don't want cookies and milk, thank you."
Well, this was more than odd. It was downright disturbing.
Since when did she think that they wouldn't care about her getting a good grade on something? They were her parents, and they were proud of everything she did, especially if it turned out as well as she'd wanted it to be. If they'd known she'd had a project, they would have been asking her how it was going all the time, offering their help and support in any way they could...
Instead, he was there, offering her cookies and milk that she didn't even seem to want.
Again, that was another disturbing factor. She loved his cookies – he made them especially for her, and kept them until she came back from school so she'd have something to snack on before dinner was ready. Why would she suddenly not want them? Had he done something wrong?
He couldn't think what, if so. Nothing had changed as far as he was concerned, over the past few months. Nothing except the fact that now his daughter seemed cold and oddly distant.
None of this made any sense whatsoever!
They had to talk. That much was obvious. But how did he even begin?
Should he be straightforward and just go ahead and ask her what was wrong? Or should he wait for C.C.? Maybe if they had a talk as a family things could get better...
He was at a crossroads, and for the first time in a long time he felt like he wasn't a good father. Granted, parenthood didn't come with a book of instructions, but he'd never felt so helpless before! There he was, stood before his clearly upset daughter and he had no clue what to do to make it better.
"Sweetheart, of course we care!" Niles eventually spoke, going to Amelia and turning her chair to him. It was painful to notice his daughter avoiding his gaze. "You are our daughter! And we love you very much..." he made a pause and gently tipped her face towards him. "You do know that, right?"
Amelia didn't reply. She merely kept her eyes cast to the floor and shrugged.
"Yeah, I know," she replied, sounding downcast. She then turned her chair away from him and tried to go back to her homework. "Could you please go? I need to finish my homework for Mrs Jensen's class."
Something resembling the feeling of needles pushed into Niles' heart. He didn't like hearing her sound so dejected, and not being able to do anything but stand there, helpless.
He was her father, he should be able to do more!
But she had asked him to leave, and he didn't want to make things worse...
He'd talk with C.C., and then they'd talk it through with her when they could all participate in the conversation. Amelia would be done with her homework by the time her mother got home, if the way she was putting her effort into ignoring him by doing it was anything to go by.
So, he nodded, and slipped the milk and the cookies onto her desk, next to her.
"Alright," he conceded quietly. "I'll leave you to it. And I'll leave these here, in case you change your mind."
As he left, he swore he could hear the mumbled voice of his little girl saying "I won't". He feared he wasn't just hearing things, either, because something told him if he went back up to her room later, the plate and the cup would still be there, untouched, and probably not even looked at or considered.
He retreated down to the living room, and began absentmindedly flicking through channels on the TV, but nothing was holding his interest for very long, if at all.
All he wanted was for C.C. to get home so that they could talk with Amelia and the whole ordeal could come to an end.
The wait was agonising.
Usually, his wife arrived home around five o' clock, but by the time the clock had struck six, C.C. still hadn't arrived. It was just his luck that his wife had gotten delayed on the one day he needed her home as soon as possible...
Fearing that something might be wrong with her, Niles grabbed his cell phone and dialled C.C.'s number. She was only two weeks away from starting her early maternity leave – not surprisingly, carrying twins when she was already in her forties had become too draining, so they'd decided her to go on early maternity leave and stop working when she got to her sixth month.
The tone buzzed for a few moments before his wife's stressed voice came from the other end of the line.
"C.C. Brightmore speaking," C.C. said, and he could detect the tiredness in her voice.
"Hello, love," Niles said, trying to sound slightly more light-hearted than he really felt. "How are you?"
"Busy," the woman replied, sighing. "I know I said I wouldn't do it again, but I'll be working late tonight."
"C.C..." Niles began, the frustration and concern seeping through his tone.
"I know, Niles, I know... but I just need to leave things in order before I go on maternity leave," C.C. sighed and Niles could almost see her rubbing her temple. "I promise this will be the last time."
"Will you be here for dinner?" he asked, almost sensing her dreadful answer.
"No... I'm sorry lover. My father is staying at the office with me, so we'll eat together while we work. You could take the opportunity to have a nice evening with Amelia!"
He didn't know quite what to say to that. Their daughter was currently upstairs and, from what he could gather from her behaviour, almost certainly wouldn't want to spend time with him.
The next thing he registered was his wife's voice, this time worried, "Niles? Are you there?"
"Yes, yes, love I am," he replied quickly, running a hand through his hair. What was he going to do?
"Then why didn't you answer?" he could almost see his wife biting her lip as she thought. "Is something wrong?"
"No. Well, yes, but...I don't know!" this was all so frustrating, and the hand he was running through his hair began to slow down and pull on it more. He wouldn't be surprised if he actually ended up tearing some of it out.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" now C.C. just sounded confused. "Niles, what's going on?"
Did he really want to bother her with this whilst she was at work? She was under enough stress as it was – would it really be fair on her? To make her concerned about their eldest when she was already pregnant and had to worry about her work too?
But at the same time, he knew they needed to discuss Amelia's behaviour. And if she couldn't be there to help him, then perhaps he could explain what had happened, and they could work out a solution that he could then talk through with Amelia?
He needed her help with this. They supported each other, especially when it came to something as important as their daughter and her wellbeing.
"Niles, please, I am exhausted and I have tons of things to do... please tell me what's wrong," C.C. insisted when Niles didn't reply as soon as she'd liked it.
Niles grimaced. No… he couldn't burden her with this right then! Of course they'd talk about this when she'd come back, but he wouldn't forgive himself if he caused C.C. more stress. He could manage until she'd gotten home. For now, the best course of action was to calm his wife and let her go back to her work.
"No… no, love it's nothing!" he eventually said, trying to sound nonchalant. "It's just Amelia's been behaving distant, as usual."
He could almost see her biting her lip again.
"What's going on with that girl?" C.C. said resignedly. She'd noticed with growing concern just how distant Amelia was becoming, especially with Niles. It was almost as if she was mad at him for something, but she'd thought her bad moods would have passed already!
"Did something happen?" C.C. asked again as she rested against her chair.
Niles could actually hear her groan of discomfort. He knew her back was killing her – she was carrying twice the usual weight inside her, after all – and being sat for long only worsened her discomfort.
He simply couldn't bring himself to make things worse...
No, they had to talk at home, when she was comfortable. He was Amelia's father, he should be able to handle the situation until C.C. arrived.
"Nothing I can't handle, love," he replied. "You carry on with your work, we can talk about it when you get home."
This time it was C.C.'s turn to be silent, which eventually turned into a dubious noise as she thought it over.
"Mm...I don't know, Niles. Are you sure?"
"Absolutely sure," he hoped he could fake the kind of determination his voice was giving off – it might help him in the conversation he was going to have with Amelia. "You just focus on what you're doing, and we'll talk about this when you get home."
He heard his wife sigh down the other end of the phone.
"Alright. You handle it and we'll talk as soon as I get back."
"Okay," Niles smiled a little bit, thankful for her trust. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
They said their goodbyes and hung up, and Niles steeled himself for what he was going to have to do.
Maybe if he made them both dinner, that would break the tension. Amelia loved his cooking, and if he cooked one of her favourite meals, it might let her know that he appreciated her, and wanted her to feel better.
It might make talking easier, too. Then they could put a movie on, and have the entire problem sorted out by the time C.C. got home.
He could see it in his mind already – they'd talk, he and Mia would share a peaceful dinner while watching a movie and then he'd send her off to bed. He'd tuck her in, as usual, and a new day would come.
He loved these well-practiced motions – he had a routine with his child, and no matter if the day had been good or bad, they'd always have that small moment for themselves. A moment of peaceful silence and warm love that enfolded them both like the duvet in Amelia's bed held her when she slept.
The invariability of this sort of ritual provided some comfort to Niles – even if she was angry at him, he'd always have the nights to make up for everything bad. His thoughts were somewhat uplifting; that's why he managed to smile again as he entered Mia's room – the girl was on her bed now, reading a book for school. He couldn't help the bubble of delight that formed in his heart when he noticed that five of the seven cookies he'd brought her were now gone.
"Mia?" he said, going to perch on the side of her bed. "Mommy is working late today. She won't be here for dinner, but we could have a father-da-"
"I don't want dinner," Mia cut him off. "I've had the cookies, so I am not hungry anymore."
He halted in his tracks.
Her words had immediately thrown all of his plans straight out the window, where they somehow managed to land slap-bang in the middle of the garbage. She didn't want dinner...she didn't want to talk...she had eaten, though. That was a good thing, in the least. About the only positive he could draw from this scenario.
He wasn't sure exactly where he should go from here, but it was clear the girl still wanted to be alone. And maybe some alone time wouldn't be so bad...it was definitely showing her that he respected her boundaries.
That was the only comfort he could seem to give himself – everything else seemed to be screaming that something was dreadfully wrong, even though there was nothing he seemed to be able to do about it.
He straightened up again, nodding, "Alright. If you change your mind, I'll be happy to make an extra plate, sweetheart."
He could have sworn he saw her give a slight, involuntary twitch as he called her that. But he can't have done really, can he? Why would she be upset by that?
"Okay," she muttered, sounding like she wasn't going to take up his offer, no matter what he said.
Not quite being able to help himself, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. He had to force himself to ignore the discomfort he felt when Amelia flinched. She actually turned over on her bed, and went back to her book without saying anything.
"I'll go make dinner now, okay?" he said meekly, trying not to let his sadness show.
Amelia gave a vague grunt as acknowledgement, but she didn't look up. He left her room defeated, and feeling older and more tired than ever before. He didn't know what was wrong, but he'd have to do something fast. Otherwise, the consequences would be dire. Direr than he'd ever thought they'd be.
Niles carelessly deposited his empty plate on the kitchen counter and have a long, tired sigh. He hadn't believed he'd ever eat dinner alone again, and yet here he was.
Amelia's mood remained just as terrible as it had been that afternoon, but he'd given her some space. If she needed it, it was only fair, but for now it didn't matter anymore – it was Amelia's bedtime. Time to tuck her in.
Time to enjoy his favourite moment of the day.
The thought of wrapping her up nice and tight was like a soothing balm on his soul, but the relief was short lived. As he opened the door to her room to tell her she had to get ready for bed, he found a rather jarring sight – his child was already asleep, comfortably buried underneath a small pile of blankets.
She even seemed to have tried to tuck herself in, depriving him of the job he usually did...
No. Replacing him. Was it like she thought he wouldn't, like she thought he wouldn't care about her art project, so she'd come to the conclusion that she had to do it herself?
Being careful not to wake her, he seated himself on her bed, right next to where she'd curled up. She'd put her pyjamas on, and he hoped she'd brushed her teeth, too. After all those cookies, it would only be right.
His little girl, whom he felt was slipping away from him, and he couldn't understand why...
He couldn't wake her up to ask what was wrong. That definitely wouldn't be right or fair. But he so wanted to know what was going on in her mind that was making her behave like this. He reached out a hand, and began to play with Amelia's hair, enjoying just the lightest touch so he didn't wake her. He almost considered lying down next to her and sleeping there for the night, so that if she woke up she'd know he was there to rest against, and if it was the morning then they could have breakfast and talk.
But he was distracted from gently stroking her hair by the sound of the front door opening and closing.
C.C. was home, at last.
And it was time to tell her that he hadn't been able to handle it after all.
He took a second before resignedly getting to his feet. He used this moment to simply observe his sleeping child with attention. His eyes traced the contours of her factions – those factions that, despite being hidden beneath her baby fat, were so much like her mother's.
She seemed relaxed now... almost as if her dreams were a safe haven. Almost as if sleeping was a brief escape from the fears that assaulted her whenever she was awake.
"Goodnight, sweetheart," he whispered, stroking her hair one last time.
Niles carefully grabbed the duvet – which Amelia has kicked off in her sleep – and tucked it around her. It wasn't quite the same feeling, but he had to make do for now. Niles left the door ajar when he left for the entrance hall. Just in case Amelia needed them, of course.
As he got to the first floor, he spotted his exhausted wife plopping herself down on the couch. She rubbed her baby bump as she toed of her shoes – flats, seeing as she was carrying twins. The day had finally come to an end, and she was drained...
She didn't even have the energy to sit up and greet a fast approaching Niles. So she just lay there and extended her arms.
"Hey, lover," she mustered as Niles took his place next to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Hello, sweetheart," he pecked her lips and cuddled against her, actually relishing in the fact that at least one person in the house was happy to see him. "Did everything get done?"
"Enough that I felt happy leaving it in order to come home," she replied, nudging him with her head. "What about you? Did you handle it, like you said?"
Well, here it went. Time to tell her that it had all gone wrong, and he wasn't even sure that he could offer an explanation as to why.
The sigh he let out before speaking was probably a good indication of how it went, anyway.
"Not in the way that I'd hoped," he said. "Amelia didn't seem to want anything to do with me - I brought her cookies and hot milk, I asked about an art project that she got an A+ on that she hadn't told either of us about, I said that I was going to make dinner, and each time she shrugged me off, like she didn't want to be bothered by me!"
Saying it out loud hurt, deeply. But it had to be done. If he and his wife were going to talk this over, he had to.
C.C. certainly seemed troubled by Amelia's behaviour – in a sense it was lucky she did, too. It meant it wasn't all in his head, so there was a problem that could be fixed out somewhere in the physical world.
The question, then, was what was causing Amelia to behaving this way. She wasn't being disrespectful or misbehaving, but her cold and detached demeanour simply wasn't her. Amelia refusing to have dinner and tucking herself in had only been further proof that something was definitely not okay.
Both parents were aware that they needed to get to the bottom of this, but they needed to agree on how to do it. Actually, it was more like they needed to talk about this whole affair! Both of them had noticed Amelia's reticence, but they hadn't really discussed it with each other after her outburst during the ultrasound.
They certainly needed to do that now.
"I don't know what to do," Niles added, sighing and letting his head rest against C.C.'s. "I feel... I feel like I am losing her."
C.C. tightened her grip on him. Perhaps it was the tone in his voice, but she could feel his fear and his sadness seeping into her very soul. It was almost as if his emotional turmoil was contagious – almost as if the dread caused by the uncertainty of not knowing what was wrong with Amelia was a toxic weed taking root in her heart.
Their daughter clearly needed help – this behaviour was just a cry for help! Why hadn't they done something before? Why had they waited?! She hated seeing Niles and Amelia suffering, and this situation was only causing them pain!
"I know..." she replied helplessly, "But I just don't understand what could be causing this! Did she tell you something?"
Niles thought back, but came up with nothing and shook his head. She'd barely spoken to him in so long, now...what was she keeping to herself that she felt she couldn't tell at least one of them? She wasn't in trouble, she'd been perfectly behaved and done well at school, no arguments had happened – nothing added up!
"No," he muttered. It was almost bitter, and he couldn't even help it. He was getting angry at himself for leaving this for so long, and for not trying to ask Amelia what was wrong. "I wish she would, but she's been just as reclusive tonight as she has been for these past months. I wouldn't even mind if it was something that I did, because then at least she'd be talking to me and there's a chance I could do something about it!"
He buried his head in one hand, shuddering out a sigh as he wiped his fingers down his face.
"Have I done something wrong, C.C.?" he couldn't help but feel like he had to ask. "I just want to be a good father to her, but now she's shutting me out! Do you think she…"
He had to swallow, and steel himself to finish the question. It was so painful, he needed to gather the strength.
"Do you think she regrets choosing me, and that she's now trying to correct her mistake?"
C.C. looked downright appalled at that, "Oh, Niles, of course not! She picked you right from the start-"
"That doesn't mean she didn't make a mistake," he cut over her clearly, his voice filled with the dread that what he was saying was true. "And I keep worrying that she knows it! I'm trying my best, but what if it's not enough?"
C.C. nearly burst out crying when he spoke – she could almost touch his fear. It hung heavy over them, and it helped create a sense of foreboding that seemed to suffocate them.
She was sure Amelia loved Niles with all her heart – she knew her daughter, and she wasn't giving her father up. She was angry at them for something, that was obvious, but he hadn't been a bad father. He could never be...
Amelia had secluded herself over the course of the past months, and she was now almost certain that Smith had been right when he'd said Amelia was jealous of the twins. That would also explain the extra anger towards Niles.
Of course all of this thought was mere guessing. If they wanted to know what was wrong with her, they'd have to have a talk to her.
And they were going to have one.
But right then reassuring him was more important. C.C. held him close and pecked his lips, threading her fingers through his hair.
"Don't say that!" C.C. whispered as she trailed kisses along his jaw. "You are good enough! You are the best fa-"
And a loud whimper coming from upstairs – more specifically, coming from Amelia's room – interrupted her, making them start. It sounded like Amelia...
Both parents jumped to their feet and dashed upstairs, their hearts in their mouths. Given her state, C.C. got to Amelia's door a bit later than Niles did, but just in time to see him opening the door and poking his head around it and into Amelia's room.
"Mia?" he said softly. "Are you okay?"
The verbal answer never came, but the sight before him was enough for him to know she wasn't alright. The girl was curled up in a ball and was shaking. She was holding her toy monkey Bananas close as she tried to stifle her cries.
All his worries be damned, he rushed right to her side, feeling especially hurt when Amelia shrank away, over towards the wall.
Was she hurt? What had happened? Had she had a nightmare?
"Mia, what's wrong?" his voice never broke its gentle tone. "What happened?"
Amelia pressed Bananas to her more firmly, and fiercely wiped her eyes, "Nothing happened!"
Niles replied as he took a seat on her bed, "Then why are you crying?"
"I am not!"
It was a bad lie, and they all knew it. Niles looked helplessly over at C.C., who could only sigh in return as she wandered over to join them.
"Sweetie, you know you can tell us anything, right?" she asked her daughter calmly. "It doesn't matter what it is."
Niles took Mia's silence on the matter to jump in, "Exactly. We're your parents – we're here to help, no matter what. We love you, and..."
He hesitated again, before his wife's encouraging nod gave him some semblance of the strength he needed to continue.
"And… well, we've noticed that you haven't exactly seemed happy, for a while. Has something been bothering you?"
"I'm fine!" Mia snarled, tightening the sheets around her. "I just want to go back to bed now."
Niles sighed for what felt like the thousandth time that evening. He wanted to pull his little girl close – to comfort her and stroke her hair until the tears had stopped, but he knew it wouldn't be welcome. She was just like her mother; when she was hurt or upset she needed her space.
"Sweetie, we all know that's not true," he said softly. "And you don't need to hide that you are upset from us."
"Exactly!" C.C. piped up, taking a seat next to Niles. "You can tell us everything."
They watched with growing hope how Amelia peered up at them and at least appeared to consider talking to them. She was on the verge of opening up, and all she needed was one last little push.
"Have we done something to upset you?" Niles asked, trying not to let the hurt and the fear show.
"Because you can tell us if we have," C.C. joined in. "And if-"
C.C. winced minutely – the twins were up and one of them was kicking her in the ribs. She rubbed a hand over her stomach, almost as if to soothe her babies and Niles couldn't help but briefly focus his attention on her.
"Everything okay?" he asked, taking her hand in his.
C.C. nodded. "Yeah, they are just kicking me, that's all."
Niles squeezed his wife's hand reassuringly and looked back at Amelia who, to their dismay, looked angrier than before.
And she was! Even when she was sad, her brother and sister had to take her Mommy and Daddy away from her! She folded her arms over, tucking the sheets up around herself. There. They didn't have to do anything for her anymore – she could do it all herself, and they could spend all their time with her siblings now.
But the kick had only been a momentary blip to Niles and C.C. – a little distraction from the problem they really wanted to solve.
"Sweetheart, you have to tell us what the matter is if we're going to do anything about it," Niles tried again, releasing C.C.'s hand to reach out across the bedsheets for their daughter.
But whatever had happened just then had been a setback of some kind. But Niles didn't understand why. Was it really C.C. who had made her angry? If so, how? And why was most of her anger directed towards him if that was the case?
"You were almost about to tell us something just then," C.C. murmured, also reaching out towards Amelia. "What were you going to say?"
Amelia looked back and forth between them, apparently weighing up her options.
Niles and C.C. held their breath. They were on the brink of finding out what was bothering their daughter. Words away from learning how to make it all better...
That was when Amelia buried her head in her arms.
"I wasn't going to say anything!" she cried out stubbornly.
And they were back at the start...
What on Earth was going on? They'd been on the brink of solving this entire situation and now Amelia seemed even more reticent than before! Why was this? What had changed? What had they done?
"Sweetheart, ple-"
"I wanna go back to bed!" Amelia interrupted him, her voice strained with the tears she was forcing herself not to shed. She wanted to be alone... her parents couldn't be bothered, so she wanted them far away!
Especially her Daddy.
"Amelia, please," her father insisted, trying to stroke her hair, but she moved away just in time to avoid his touch.
This hurt Niles, and it hurt him deeply. Did she not want him anymore? Judging by her behaviour he'd say that she didn't...
But why?! What had changed? What had he done?!
"Go away!" she whimpered, the urge to cry becoming almost overpowering.
"Not until we know what's wrong," Niles said gently, but firmly. He had to put his foot down, and he was most definitely not letting this go. There was something terribly wrong and he was going to fix it!
"Why do you care?" the girl finally sobbed, her little face still hidden in her arms. "Why don't you just go away with them?"
She almost spat that last word – it was uttered with such loathing that it made her parents cringe. Them? What did she mean by them?
Could she be talking about the...
"Just go!" Amelia insisted. "I don't need you, and you have the twins to worry about!"
It all fell into place right then and there. That was it. Dr Smith had been right! That's what was bothering her.
They were having the twins.
She thought she was being replaced, and had decided to start taking care of herself because she thought they wouldn't anymore.
Both parents knew that was a common fear among children – the idea that a younger sibling would take all the attention, leaving nothing for the older one. But that didn't make it true! It definitely wasn't true in their case. They adored their little girl, and no matter how many other children they had, they would love them all equally.
But she didn't seem to recognise or understand that, and it tore at them both. It was beyond pain, if anything, seeing her so defiant because she had accepted the false conclusion that they weren't going to look after her anymore.
If anything, this only made Niles determined to look after her harder – to make her see that she was still his little girl, and that nothing was going to change.
"Right now, we're worried about you," he insisted right back. "Amelia, are you...afraid that having the twins means Mommy and I won't have time for you anymore?"
It wasn't true because no matter what happened, they would always make time for her, but he wanted her to admit that that was what she was thinking, out loud.
The girl fell silent, and she could only curl up in a little, tight ball. She was crying still – they could tell it due to the intense shaking of her little, dainty body. She couldn't bring herself to speak – her Daddy had hit the Nail right on its head, and she didn't know what to say. Well, part of her wanted to say that yes, she was terrified of being replaced and forgotten, but what good would it make?
She knew they didn't care...
"Go away," the girl insisted.
"We aren't, Mia," Niles said firmly. He then moved closer to her and he began to stroke her hair slowly. The girl tensed for a moment, but as he repeated his motions over and over again she relaxed a bit.
Good. This was a good sign.
"We love you, sweetheart, and we are worried about you!" C.C. added, stroking her daughter's calf.
"And that's why we need to know what's wrong," Niles said. "So, please tell us, are you worried that Mommy and I won't have time for you because of the twins?"
Silence.
A silence that part of Niles feared would stretch into infinity.
A silence that served to make Amelia's blood boil. Yes! She was mad about that! Yes, she felt like they were replacing her!
And yes she felt that...
"You'll love them more because you put them in Mommy's belly," Amelia mumbled loud enough for Niles to hear.
Niles felt like his heart could break. So that's why she was angrier at him than she was with C.C.. Because she felt that her mother would be able to love – if not equally – all of her children, while he would only have eyes for those that were his from birth.
Again, that wasn't true at all. It didn't matter to him that he hadn't been the one to...well, maybe it did matter to him in some ways, but not in the ways that she was suggesting! It mattered to him because he adored her so much, he wanted to be her father in every single way possible, and to live up to the title she had chosen for him.
He had to show her that that's what he wanted, too.
So, he very gently slid his arms underneath the crying girl, pulled her up and held her close, rocking her gently from side to side.
"I would never pick one of my children over another," he pressed his face into her hair. "I love you so much, Little One. And I would never, ever say that I loved the twins more than you. Neither me or Mommy would – we love all three of you exactly the same!"
He hoped, so desperately, that she took his words into her heart. He didn't want her thinking, even for a single second, that she meant less to him because he wasn't her biological father. She was his little girl – they'd bonded closer than he ever imagined could happen the first time he saw her across the playground with C.C., when he'd been feeling nothing but a burning envy because he'd thought C.C. had married someone else and moved on.
But that hadn't happened. She had married him – they had a home and a family, and families comforted each other when something was wrong.
"That's right, sweetie!" C.C. agreed with him, stroking her daughter's hair and leaning over as much as she could to hug her husband and her child. "All three of you are the most precious things in the world to us, and we'd never stop loving you just because we have the twins...!"
And so Amelia's emotions ran loose. All the fear, all the anger, all the jealousy and all the sadness began leaving her body as she cried. She'd been – still was – so very afraid to be forgotten...
So very afraid to have her Mommy and Daddy taken away from her by her new brother and sister.
So very afraid that her Daddy wouldn't love her now that he was going to have two new babies that he'd put in her Mommy's belly.
She had grown up without a father until he'd come along, so of course she was terrified of him being suddenly taken away from her! She could only wrap her tiny arms around his neck and hold him as her face lay hidden in the crook of his neck.
Her Daddy was there, with her, and she wanted to believe that he'd never go away.
"You... you mean it?" the girl stuttered through her tears. "Be-because you'll be their Daddy since the beginning and I... I feel like I won't be good enough!"
Her crying worsened.
Her sobs were raw and heart-wrenching. It made both parents feel like they were being repeatedly stabbed...
"What if you... what if you start thinking that I am not good enough?" Amelia said, clearly addressing Niles.
"I'm never going to think you're not good enough!" Niles was on the verge of bursting into tears himself, but he held back because she needed him. He held her tighter. "You are good enough! You're my little girl, I'm your Daddy, and I will always say that you are good enough!"
Though why she felt there was a qualification, he had no idea. She was his, biologically or not. They had chosen each other, and that was all that mattered when it came to loving her with all his heart.
It didn't matter that he had biologically fathered the twins. She was his, just as much as they were.
Amelia whimpered, sniffling and sobbing still, "You mean it...?"
"Of course I mean it," he kissed the top of her head. "You are mine, and I love you. It doesn't matter if I've been there since forever or not. I could have become your Daddy yesterday morning, and I'd love you just the same! What matters is that I want to be your Daddy, now and for always."
Forever didn't have to just include the past – he knew he would want to be her Daddy for the rest of his life, and far beyond that.
But of course, it was all up to her.
He pulled away, holding her by the arms and brushing the hair out of her face so that he could look into her eyes – the eyes still thick and red with tears.
"Do you still want me to be your Daddy?" his question was gentle, and he was almost afraid that the answer would be no, but he had to let her have the say.
Not even a split second later Amelia nodded and threw her arms around Niles, needing to be close to him again. Needing to have her Daddy hold her after she'd feared he wouldn't do so anymore. Of course that her fears were still there – lingering doubts in the depths of her heart – but she could feel them beginning to disappear.
It would take time to forget just how scared she was, but it would be okay. She'd get there, eventually.
"Yes! Yes I still want you to be my Daddy. You are my Daddy..." she mumbled, burrowing her face in the crook of his neck.
Her words provided Niles with a sense of relief he'd never experienced before. The feeling was like getting home after having been outside while it was raining – it was warm and comforting and it made him feel like there was nothing wrong with the world anymore.
After having feared that he was losing her, this was certainly a gift.
"Oh, sweetheart," he kissed to top of her hair again. He then got to his feet very briefly (carrying Amelia with him, of course) and then resettled them against her pillows. C.C. helped him pull Amelia's covers up and gently tucked Amelia in as he held her.
"I love you," he continued as he stroked her hair. "You are my daughter and that will never change."
Amelia continued to cry against him, and he gently began to rock his body from side to side in an attempt calm her.
She seemed to like the idea, and she eventually asked for something else.
"Sing me a song, Daddy..."
He wasn't going to deny her that. He'd give her anything in the world that she asked for. Anything he could do that told her how much he loved her, and how he was never going to stop. And he felt he knew one which was appropriate here, even if not normally sung by a man. It was the sentiment he was trying to get across. He also felt it might help her go off to sleep again.
He took in a deep breath and began.
"Baby mine, don't you cry;
Baby mine, dry your eyes...
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part, baby of mine.
Little one, when you play
Don't you mind what they say;
Let those eyes sparkle and shine,
Never a tear, baby of mine..."
He could see her eyes growing heavy, and she started to yawn. He glanced up at C.C., too, who was watching this all unfold with tears in her own eyes.
But they were different tears - tears of happiness. The joy felt at seeing her family together again.
"From your head down to your toes,
You're not much, goodness knows;
But you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine..."
That was when it happened – Amelia's eyes began to flutter shut. She was no doubt exhausted from the surging emotions, and from whatever nightmare had forced her awake in the first place.
Her little body relaxed against him, and she fell asleep soon after. Only this time, she had her father with him, and even if she was still afraid, she finally began to feel that he wasn't going away.
AN: Well, what can I say (L)? This is probably one of my favourite moments from the sotry! I'll upload some more chapters today! Thanks for reading and please so review! We love hearing your opinions.