A/N: I've been away from home and am still traveling so my posting has been slowed due to lack of internet. Sorry for the delay. Please keep reading it will get better. I promise. Thank you to countrygirluk for the beautiful review. Just keep remembering who are boy is and where he came from. Thanks again.

It had been a long a grueling day at the office. We were one man down due to Deeks being called back to LAPD for meetings to clarify information for a trial that he needed to testify for. I understood making it an air tight case so I didn't begrudge him the time. We never left the mission until almost seven that night and the paper work would wait until the morning. Hetty had let us go with the admonition to be in early to do the dreaded stuff.

I let myself into the boatshed after stopping for some Thai takeout. I didn't turn all the lights on because I wanted to step out on the dock with a beer and eat out there. Didn't seem like a bad idea. I reached into the refrigerator and a rustling noise behind me made me turn. Sitting on the couch was Deeks. "What's going on Deeks?" I'll never admit to him that he'd made me jump.

Marty sat there looking at me. "Drinking on a school night?" He shook his finger at me like I was a wayward child. "What's the occasion?"

I didn't really feel like company. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. It had been a couple of weeks since I'd left home and Sara had read me the riot act about wanting to come home after leaving like I did. I needed to get inside my own head, but here was Deeks. "I'm having a beer with my dinner, is that so terrible? I have a few more would you like one?"

Deeks eyed me. It felt like he didn't believe me. Well it sucks to be him. He gave me one of those looks that can tell you off but leave him seemingly polite. "Sure, I'll have one. Sorry about not being around today. How'd the day go anyway? Did we get a new case?"

I chuckled and reached into the fridge for the two beers, one for me and one for him. I opened the two and brought them over to the couch area and went back for my dinner. I silently asked if I could share with him but he shook me off. I opened the take out and started eating. Marty took a sip of his beer and the unspoken word hung in the air like wood smoke. "We pulled a case this morning and finished it about six. By the time we got back to the office Hetty was ready for us to leave. I take it you've not seen Kensi yet?"

Deeks still didn't say a lot. "No I haven't been to her place yet. She's not expecting me for a while. I called and told her I was stopping here." I could tell that the conversation would be difficult for him. He gazed over my shoulder out the window to the bay. It was like he was making a decision as to what to say to me. "Sara called Kensi earlier this week and it didn't sound good. You want to talk about it, get it out. I'm a good listener."

Tomorrow night is dinner night with Gretchen and Sara and I so wanted to be able to come to terms with my feelings about how to move on with our lives. The answers were not forthcoming. Maybe a talk with Deeks would help. The conversation I had with Sam didn't work. He told me to man up and go home. I think that he meant more but that was the way it came out. "The mission that we just finished, the bomber one, it freaked me out and I let that color my reaction to the pregnancy news."

Deeks gave a smirk and a chuckle. "Kensi and I didn't know she was pregnant but it makes better sense now. I couldn't understand why you'd walk but now I do."

Marty sat across from me and waited for me to continue. I wasn't sure how to explain my problem to him but he wanted to help so I went on. "I'm admitting that I'm being a jerk. I walked out on them because I want to be the protector in the house and couldn't accept Sara watching out for me. It turned out that I couldn't be there to keep them safe and it ate at me. When I found out she was expecting again I fell off the deep end. You were there. You saw that woman try to blow up my house. You shot her in my kitchen." I stopped talking and walked to the back door of the boatshed. I opened it and stood there to get some air.

Deeks came to stand with me. "You okay G?"

I answered the best I could. "Every time I go in that room I see her and her device on the counter and it makes me feel insignificant. I couldn't stop her without you and Sam. I could have lost my home, my wife and my children with one push of her button. If she had taken my family she'd have left me an empty shell and it would have destroyed me." I moved out onto the dock and looked across the bay. "I expected Sara to cave to my wants and needs, desires and expectations. That is not the Sara I married, I love her for her strengths."

Deeks stood against the railing and said nothing. He took a sip of his beer and waited for me to continue. When I didn't he turned to face the water. "Okay G, now that the two of you are expecting another baby it is more important than ever that you get back together. Why do you think you can't do this?"

I wandered back into the boatshed and sat down to finish my meal. I sat and thought about how to answer his question. I ate and he watched the boats going by. It wasn't a very long wait. I took two long sips of my beer and decided to talk. "I left the house angry. I never looked back at the chaos that I might have created by leaving that void. My life has never been about sharing. I've always been alone, never trusted anyone to have my back and I've never even seen the better side of life, until recently." I stopped to gather a few more thoughts. As I gazed around the boatshed at all the items the team placed there together and at the man across from me I started to see what Sara had meant by her parting questions to me. "In the last four or five years I began to share a life like others do. I love my family, not just my wife and children, but my family here. I just find myself sliding back into that dark hole that used to be my life. Losing my wife, children, Sam and you would have taken me to a really dark place and I don't know if I'd come back from it. There isn't much in life that scares me, but that does."

Deeks walked to the fridge and got a bottle of water. I'm sure he has his own darkness to battle but he was listening to my battle and someday it would be his turn to need help. "Callen you can't keep this bottled up inside, you need to share this with your wife. You both need to decide how to deal with this before it tears the two of you apart or worse yet, gets you killed."

I had to admit he had that right. "There had been times when I missed things and Sam or Kensi had picked up on it. It had happened in the case just today. I could have got us all killed. "Deeks, you're right. I need to explain this to her. Maybe she'll understand how I feel about this."

Deeks smiled his crooked smile. "Another word of wisdom my brother, listen to her as well. You married her for her brains and her beauty. She's a strong woman. She proved that in Rhode Island, remember that. Give it some thought. Taking the water and heading out. If you need me, call. Good night."

I gave a smirk to his back as he walked to the door. "Good night Deeks."

He waved back over his shoulder as the door closed on him.

I walked out onto the dock and watched as life floated by. Big tankers heading out to open water, small tugs bringing help to others. I knew I needed to talk to Sara and had to do it soon.