14
He woke to hear voices, pleading and begging as he was roughly dragged to his feet and the bag was torn off to make his eyes water at the light.
Then the fucking wall exploded and Jack entered with a gun, his roars of rage as he descended seemed almost godly, if not for the fact there were not squibs going off. Viscera and vomit filled the air as Jack showed his military training, cleaning house.
It all happened so fast and seemed so surreal that Ianto could only sit and watch as Tosh cradled him in her arms. The place seemed to resemble a slaughter house more than ever and Owen poked at a torso hanging on a hook, then balked as he recognised what it was.
"Jack? Tell me this is all some warped joke" Owen said softly, "Tell me this is aversion therapy or some shit, these are props so well done they just feel real. Pig right? Made to look human? Jack?"
"It's real Owen" Ianto struggled to his feet and staggered for the door, the urge to vomit those wretched eggs surging him forward, "This is all real. We stumbled into a fucking cannibal lair and now we know why the village was empty."
Owen turned to look at Jack who stood panting as he reloaded his Webley, his eyes wild as he scanned for movement, "Jack?"
"Yeah, it's OK. Authorities are on the way, security are rounding them up" Jack said distractedly, "Lucky I always carry real bullets for target practice. The tractor … almost couldn't get it started. Shit. Shit."
Ianto finished throwing up and knew he had a concussion to go with his raw wrists so he sat in the back of the SUV and watched the world become surreal. Heddlu, ambulances and chaos as cameras were racing about to catch angles and the producers screamed on phones when not revelling in the drama. The security in their red UIT caps stood out to him as he watched and noted the way things were being shut down fast.
"Are you not entertained?" Ianto said softly to nothing particular, his hand rising limply as if to point to something then flopping back into his lap. After a while he pulled out his cell phone from the backpack in the SUV, surprised to find it still had juice and bars.
"Larry? Ianto. No. No. Fine, all good. I just got the shit beaten out of me and cannibals almost ate me. Jack shot them and the Heddlu are here trying to clean up the mess. None of us died but Gwen got shot. Other than that, a wonderful afternoon" Ianto said in a dreamy voice, "I think the cheese is sliding off my cracker Jules. I think I am gong to explode or something. My heart, it's trapped and slamming about trying to find a way out. Wow, it's all so loud. I'm gonna lay back and try to sleep. My head is killing me. Did I say I got hit in the head? Twice? Guess what, Jack can drive a tractor too."
Ianto relaxed in the boot and let the phone fall as his agent screamed at him to explain what the hell he was talking about. It was Owen who found him, clambering in to check and cursing as he found him unconscious. He called a medic over and they attached a drip, transferring him to a stretcher and then into the ambulance nearby. Owen looked over at Jack and Gwen who were still trying to save the show, their matching looks of horror tempered with determination.
"When his head is done being up her arse can you tell him Ianto and I are at the hospital? I'll call when I know which one" he said to Tosh who nodded and stepped back, her face pale and full of concern as they pulled away.
Owen checked Ianto's vitals again to reassure himself and then sat back for the ride.
.
.
.
.
.
Ianto smelt antiseptic and panicked, struggling to get from the bed as Owen barked with shock at the sudden eruption and tried to calm him.
"It's OK, you are OK we are in the hospital, calm down" Owen yelled and Ianto stilled, staring up at him while panting.
"Hate hospitals" he said as he struggled not to hyperventilate, "Get me the hell out of here. I can't be here. People die here."
"People died there too" Owen said softly, "Hey now. You did good, we are all OK. Gwen is a little tender but her fella will kiss it better, I am sure."
"Good bloke, Rhys" Ianto slurred as he relaxed, "Doesn't' need the shit storm she descends on him."
"Easy" Owen rubbed Ianto's shoulder and checked his drip, slowing it more as he saw Ianto's eyes focusing. "Just relax Toto."
"Not in Kansas anymore" Ianto snorted and Owen found himself laughing at the unexpected quip.
"You know, you are a funny bugger" Owen sniggered, "Shit. What a fucking mess."
"I don't' wanna do this anymore" Ianto whispered sadly, "I don't know what the hell we are supposed to do next, tiger taming? Shark swimming?"
"Nah, ya see I don't swim" Owen said with a sniff and Ianto smiled as he accepted he man's hand in his own.
"Gotta learn buddy" he sighed as he felt his eyelids grow heavy, "If ya don't…ya drown down there."
Owen sat for a while staring into space as he considered Ianto's words.
He was right. If it was one thing he had discovered during the last few hours is was definitely a case of sink or swim.
This was definitely not what they had signed up for.