Chapter 10

It has been almost a week since Marty Deeks found me in O'Malley's bar, shamed me, took me home and I'd been sober since that night. It felt so good and I began feeling hopeful that today would be the first day of the rest of my life but more than that it would be great if I decided to open up the lines of communication with Sara. I sent two dozen red roses to her with a note which asked her to put her prettiest dress on and go to dinner with me. Sam and Michelle offered to babysit so that we could go and I took them up on their offer. I called a new restaurant, Montmarte, to make reservations and we were set to go.

Hetty helped me get ready with a little help from the wardrobe department. She found me a cobalt blue shirt that Sam said in his 'mom' voice "brings out the blue in my eyes" and Hetty also leant me a jacket to wear along with what she considers my sexiest jeans. Ok, that comment made me wince when she said it. I mean one doesn't want their boss to think of them that way, but again…I needed all the help I could get at that moment so I swallowed my pride and went with it.

I admit that as the appointed time approached my stomach began to do flip flops and huge butterflies took up residence. Let me tell you my first date with Sara had nothing on this. My stomach lurched again and I broke out in a cold sweat. Sam thought he would need to call a paramedic at one point. I had to dissuade him of that notion. "Sam, I'm fine, go home." He started laughing and left. I knew he'd think about this all night long and laugh every time. I hoped that he'd leave me alone for the night so I could make a little head ways with my wife.

I drove to my house and walked up the front walk. I'd never been so nervous about anything in my life.

I let myself in the front door and met Sara as she waited. She paced so I'm pretty sure she thought I'd chickened out. I'd have to admit that she did look radiant in the peach dress she chose to wear. I didn't remember it so I assumed she went shopping. That gave me the impression and the hope that she wanted to make this work as much as I did.

I thought that Monmarte would be a busy place but when I'd made the reservation I'd asked for a table that might be a bit secluded. I needed her to hear what I had to say and I wanted to hear from her as well. I knew we'd take it slowly but we needed to move slowly to be on our way back to each other.

Monmarte is the newest restaurant to open on Wilshire Boulevard. When I called I just happened to fall into one of the only reservations left for that evening. We pulled up and handed off the Aston to the parking valet. Sara and I walked into the foyer and looked about the restaurant. The décor of black, white, lots of glass and chrome gave me an icy feel and made my feeling of accomplishing anything positive falter. The other half of me knew that answer was one I couldn't accept. I'd seen the hopeful look on my wife's face when I came through the door and I needed to make it happen.

The maitre-d showed us to our table and asked for our drink order. Sara ordered a seltzer and lemon and I seconded it. It seemed that my choice surprised Sara. "G, you can have a drink."

I shook my head and I felt a bit ashamed as I told Sara what had transpired in the last week. "No, no I can't. It's been brought to my attention that I've spent too much time drinking to ease my pain and in essence to make my decision more palatable, even to myself. Deeks pointed out that it had become more of a problem and that I should stop it. It's been a week since my last drink and I intend to keep it that way. I'll drink seltzer and lemon with you,"

Our waitress bought our drinks to us and took our orders of filet mignon, baked potatoes and asparagus and left us to talk. I will admit it was hard getting started. Sara sat across from me looking ravishing, boggling my mind but I took it as a sign to speak. "I want to apologize for this mess. I'm used to being the protector, it's what I do every day." I gave Sara a warm gaze and she accepted it. It gave me encouragement to continue. "Before I met you I never imagined my life to be this good. I lived my life as a lone wolf, no girl friends or very few, there'd never be children, but here we are and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love you, Gretchen and our new little one, but I will always protect you." I took a moment to consider my next words. They had the potential to sound patronizing and I didn't mean them that way. "You were right though, I'd forgotten who I married. You are that very capable woman, a woman who is tough, smart and only that kind of woman would attract me and keep me. I can't imagine my life without you." I took her hand in mine.

Sara smiled at my comments and squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry if this created problems for you but you need to sit in my seat for a while. Every time you go undercover I am left feeling a terrible dread that Hetty will show up at the door with bad news and giving her condolences. I become tougher with every operation that you undertake. It isn't something that I want to do but I have to do, not only for myself but for our children." She smiled up at me. "My life wasn't all peaches and cream either; I buried my first husband after a hit and run. I lived with the idea that you may be dead or just didn't care to come back and find me, but I did it. I get it that you want to do it the old fashioned way, I really do, but I'd rather we do it together, okay?" She smiled and squeezed my hand again.

I will admit that the conversation hadn't turned out as bad as I thought it would be. I knew it wasn't over but we'd made a good start.

Our dinners arrived and smelled wonderful. The bleu cheese and caramelized onion on the top of the filets gave a nice touch and an excellent taste. The potatoes were baked, not steamed, with generous dollops of butter and sour cream and the asparagus was cooked but not mushy. They were still crisp and bright green. All in all, it painted a lovely picture on our plates. The whole meal including the company excelled.

No one rushed us through our dinner so we spent more time talking about Gretchen going to preschool and the arrival of the new baby. I have to admit it excited me to think about that arrival. We ordered two crème brûle, another seltzer and lemon and continued our conversation until Sara began to yawn. "Let's get you home. Do we need to get Gretchen?"

Sara shook her head no.

We drove home in near silence and I wondered what my wife's thoughts were. I walked her in and had another drink of water and lemon but Sara began yawning again and her eyes were slamming shut.

I said my good nights and rose to leave.

Sara's eyes opened wide. "G, please don't leave, stay." Her voice was low and soft.

The idea tempted me but I didn't want to confuse the issue with my staying. The situation was not exactly fixed. "Is this what you really want?"

She smiled through her exhaustion and a little bit of embarrassment. "I miss you holding me. Please stay. This is your house, you should be here and Gretchen would like to have her daddy back home."

I nodded to her. "I do have to go into the office tomorrow for a while but I'll stay."

I reached out for her and she came into my arms and we held on to each other. The feeling that overcame me was the feeling of being home and it felt good.

We shut the lights down and went to bed.

I'd really come home again.

A/N: Thank you to all that have read, reviewed and shared your likes and dislikes about this story. I appreciate all of your honesty. Unfortunately writers need to share what their characters have to say and Callen wouldn't stop talking about this. He's been talking to me about this for three years. I finally had the time to listen.

Thanks again,

BlackBear53