A/ T: I know I have been away for far too long but now it's time to make up for it. People have been asking to write more on this story, so here it is. A final chapter inspired by the deleted scene from SoW. Don't hate me. Remember, this is fanfiction. This is our own little world.

Enjoy guys. Off to write the next chapter of Always Somewhere now. I have neglected my baby and I fell extremely bad about it!

Both Kensi and Deeks were called to backup Callen and Sam so they rushed into the car and drove to the location of the submarine.

Awkward silence filled the car and none of them was willing to break it. The moment Kensi walked out of the bathroom it was obvious that her eyes were red and swollen. Well, it was obvious to him since he knew her better than anyone else but he chose to say nothing. Talia was a ticking bomb and he was not willing to risk an outburst. All he wanted was to be rid of her presence and finally spend some alone time with Kensi.

He was keeping an eye on her during the whole rid. He could see with the corner of his eyes that her soft facial features were now stiff and the loving look on her eyes had been replaced with hurt.

Had she heard them? Of course she must have heard them. The boatshed walls are not that thick. But why didn't she say anything? Probably, because she was too damn proud to show her pain. Deeks though, could hear her aching heart bleed.

He couldn't do this anymore. They needed to talk. By now he knew all too well that nesting suppressed anger would ultimately lead to self destruction.

"You've been awfully quiet," he finally managed to say.

"I am not you Deeks. I am always quiet," she snapped never taking her gaze from the window.

"Well you are quieter than usual….if that's even possible. Is something….bothering you?" he briefly looked at her hoping but yet fearing a positive reply.

"No! I am fine!" she bit her lower lip aware of the fact that Deeks would see right through the I am fine quote.

"I am good," she corrected herself now looking straight to Deeks to prove her point.

She was obviously lying. She was not fine nor good and Deeks knew it. With one sudden move he stirred the car the right and stopped in an abandoned parking lot.

"What are you doing Deeks, we need to get to the guys," she shouted at him.

"In a minute," he turned off the engine and got out of the car.

"This isn't a game Deeks, Callen and Sam could be in danger," she followed him slamming the door behind her in anger.

"Remember when we promised never to walk into a mission in anger? Well, I get the feeling that something is bothering and I fear I know what it is."

"Since when do you care about keeping your promises?" she hissed.

"I am sorry Kens," he lowered his gaze to ground.

"About what?" she glared at him.

"I think you know."

"Were you ever going to tell me Deeks about you and Talia?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you."

"It's too late for that. I trusted you. I believed in you! You wanted me to lighten up, so I did! You told me I could trust you, so I took a leap of faith. You challenged me to tear down my walls and I gave you a sledgehammer to help me along. You dared me to love you and I gave you my heart. That night back at your apartment, you told me you didn't care about the consequences. You reassured me that we would make it work. Did you mean any of that or was it just your trick to get me in bed?" tears were now starting to form in her eyes.

"I meant every single word," Deeks whispered.

"Then why do you keep sabotaging our future? Did you or didn't you sleep with Talia while I was away huh?"

Deeks shook his head ashamed and diverted his look.

"Look at me Deeks and don't you dare make any kind of a joke about it," she grabbed his arm forcing him to face her.

"It was a mistake and didn't mean anything," he reached his hand to caress her cheek but she stepped away from him.

"It didn't mean anything to you, but it meant everything to me. You didn't even have the guts to come out clean about it. You made me believe that I wasn't good enough for you. I spent all my nights trying to pinpoint the exact moment when I lost you," her voice cracked.

"Our breakup had nothing to do with Talia. It had to do with us. You bring the best and the worst out of me. Do you know that I almost killed a blind man back in Afghanistan because I knew he had information about you? I put a cloth on his face and poured cold water on him until he was struggling to breath. For a moment I didn't even care that he was dying right there in my arms. I thought you were gone so no one mattered in the world. I wanted to hurt someone and make him feel like I did."

Deeks leaned his back on the car as awful memories of that dark period started clouding his mind. He could feel the water running down on his hands and he could hear the cleric scream in agony. Yes, he had shot more than a few criminals in his life, but never had he taken a life with his bare hands.

Kensi saw the pain in his eyes and made a step forward searching for his eyes to meet hers. "But you didn't kill him. This is not who you are. You will never be that type of person."

"But I was Kensi. For a moment I felt this dark urge inside me that was prompting me to kill him."

"But you didn't Deeks! You were able to restrain yourself."

"You are consuming me!" Deeks closed his eyes immediately regretting the words he had just spoken.

"What?" Kensi exclaimed in utter shock.

"When it comes to you, I don't know how far I am capable of pulling the strings and that scares the hell out of me."

"You are sooo selfish," Kensi shot back.

"I am not selfish; I am scared."

"Exactly. You are only scared about yourself. Well I've got news for you Deeks. This is what love is all about. Taking risks and be willing to get burnt for the one you love. But that's the problem with you. You have never truly loved anyone in your entire life, have you? "

She knew she was going too far, pushing his buttons, but she couldn't control her anger anymore. She had trusted and loved this man more than anyone else. That was why his betrayal was slowly killing her .

"I didn't plan on falling for you. To me, you were just another expandable female partner. Yes, in the beginning I only cared about having sex with you but then…then you put that spell on me and I fell for you hard!" Deeks run his fingers through his hair while nervously pacing up and down.

"So why did you walk away from us?" she practically begged him for an answer with tears in her eyes.

"Hetty sent you to freaking Afghanistan because of that night we spent together. What do you think her next move is going to be once she finds out we are dating?"

"Is that what you think?" Kensi squinted her eyes. "That you are the reason behind my reassignment?"

Deeks shrugged his shoulders.

"That is not true Deeks. Yes, Hetty had ulterior motives, but punishing you or us was certainly not one of those. Hetty played us all. She knew about Jack and never said anything. She sent me to the war zone blind folded yet all she cared about was bringing Jack back to safety. She didn't care about the repercussions this mission would have on me or you! We were just pones in her game as always."

"She never denied it Kens. I asked her upfront and she didn't deny it."

"She was playing mind games with you! That's what she does best."

It never crossed her mind that Deeks would blame himself for the whole Afghanistan fiasco. He may have been responsible for a few things, but not this one.

"You know, I tried to hate you after the Sidorov case but I couldn't bring myself to do so," Deeks admitted for the first time.

Kensi's mouth dropped open in shock. "Why?"

"While I was being tortured I kept thinking of you to stop the pain."

"I know. You've told me before," she softly said.

"When I saw you standing in front of me, I thought that my mind was playing tricks on me. But you were real and you were there! Finally my nightmare would be over though instead of breaking me free, you left me there."

"I was following orders Deeks and I swear leaving you in that place killed me too!"

"But you made a choice Kens. You chose to use me for the shakes of the mission. As much as I tried to hate you for that, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you too much to ever hate you!"

Kensi desperately tried to control her sobbing. Even if Deeks couldn't hate her for what she put him through, she hated herself enough for the both of them. Not a day went by without her wishing it was her in Deeks shoes.

She never admitted it and probably never will, but he own ordeal felt like a punishment for that choice. She felt like she deserved it.

"You know….you were my safe place too! As I was laying there in that cave, all I could think about….was you. Memories of that one night together made me feel more alive than ever. I stayed strong, kept on fighting because I simply wanted to come home to you and start anew. But as it turns out, you are not the same man I left behind."

She wasn't lying. Being held prisoner in that cave was even most traumatic than her father's death. She hated feeling so weak, vulnerable. She hated being deprived of any form control. And even though the man she had one chose to marry was only a few feet away from her, he mind was solely focused on Deeks. Towards the end, she was absolutely certain she would not survive that mission. She didn't care about dying though. She feared what the sight of her lifeless body would do to Deeks. It would destroy him in ways far more worst than she had ever imagined. She knew that now.

Maybe Deeks was right after all. She was his undoing.

"I don't know what to do Kens. I don't know who I am anymore," he kneeled on the ground.

"Well, I know one thing. I am done Deeks," she raised her hands in defeat "you are a great partner, but a terrible lover."

"So what happens now?" he looked at her confused.

"You win Deeks. Since I am apparently destroying you, you can seek the love of your life somewhere else. I am not the person you want. Just pretend that these past few months never happened so we can go back to normal as partners. Nothing more."

Saying those words out loud broke her heart since she didn't actually mean them. She could never imagine a life without that blonde shaggy man by her side, but she was willing to try if that meant saving him from himself.

"That's not what I want," Deeks pulled himself up and shook his head.

"God! What DO you want because I am trying really hard to understand," she yelled at him, hot tears streaming down her cheeks by now. "Don't make it any more difficult than it already is. If you respect me Deeks, you have to let me go."

He knew what she was doing. He could clearly see right through her eyes. She still loved him and he still loved her. But sometimes only love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Sacrifices need to be made in order to reach the point of no return. The point where they would both want the same things in life.

"Fine…..so partners it is," he simply nodded.

"Now let's go get that damn submarine," Kensi sighed and opened the door to the passenger's seat of her car.

"Hum…..Kens!" Deeks called her back.

"Yeah?"

"For whatever it's worth….you ARE the only person I ever wanted!" he simply stated before jumping back in the car.