Disclaimer: Beware, because if you keep reading, most of you will regret it. Naruto belongs to Kishimoto.
Author's notes: Ya were warned
-o-o-o-
Kakashi stared at the three young genin hopefuls in front of him and resisted the urge to shunshin back to the Hokage's tower and ask the old man exactly what the hell he was smoking in his pipe these days. Taking a slow, deep breath, he flicked his eye across the trio, and did note at least one, somewhat reassuring fact. They were all practically draped off one another.
"All right, so, um… Names, likes, dislikes, dreams…?" It wasn't the typical authorative tone he liked to use on newbie genin, but still.
"What, not sure that's what you wanna know?" Painted lips pulled back into a smirk, a sparkling shade of glistening pink lip gloss shining in the afternoon sun as dainty, painted nails reached up and ran through long black tresses spiked with brilliant pink highlights. "Man, what a drag."
Kakashi turned his attention to the speaker, and resisted the urge to bang his head against something nice and solid. This was NOT what he'd been expecting. It would teach him to accept an assignment without fully reading the paperwork on it anytime in the near future.
Dressed in a sleeveless pink and black dress, Sasuke Uchiha arched a brow up at his jounin sensei as he lightly played with an errant, frayed string from his mesh gloves that ran most of the way up his arms. Matching lengths ran up his legs, only cutting off just above mid thigh, visible in the slit that ran up the almost knee length dress. As thick, charcoal lined lashes fluttered beneath a glittering pink eye shadow, bored black eyes watched him with a complete lack of real interest.
"Mah, just answer the question already, you whiny little bitch." The voice was drawled out from the team's actual female as hazy blue eyes glanced half lidded towards Sasuke as Ino Yamanaka was balancing boredly on the nearby railing.
Dressed in a loose purple jacket that was cropped to the lower portion of her chest, a hood was drawn up over her head as flashes of the black sports bra and fishnet she wore could be seen as she half danced across the rail. Fingerless black gloves could be seen gripping for instants on the railing, black painted nails flashing with silver sparkles. Beneath the bare expanse of a toned stomach, thick black cargo pants covered her legs down to mid thigh, where tight black, and thin shoes shifted with every motion of her toes as they continually shifted about to help her keep her balance.
"And who said I have to go first?" There was a slight whine of annoyance in Sasuke's voice as he glared back at Ino and then spit a small fireball at the girl.
"You spoke up first." Came the drawling words of the third member who watched with one half lidded eye while he shook his head. "And I can't believe I actually let you near me with that mouth of yours."
Dressed in a burnt orange jacked opened to reveal a thick mesh armor top, Naruto Uzumaki was sitting next to the other male member of his team. Or, more appropriately, Sasuke was nestled up against his side in a rather intimate manner, and the wild haired blonde wasn't making a move to protest it. Black , fingerless gloves, a match to Ino's, but with crimson spirals on their backs, were threaded behind his head, as he let his leaf engraved plate hang from his neck. Heavy, tan colored cargo pants of his own, fall down most of the way to his ankles as black sandals shifted and tapped a steady, unconscious beat.
"You do it because it's a very, very talented mouth." Sasuke shot back with a sultry little smirk before pouting just a bit as he turned around and glared back at his teacher. "Why do we have to do this anyway? WE already know each other."
"I don't know you though." Kakashi pointed out simply.
"Weren't you given our files?" Ino spoke up curiously as she shifted into a standing handstand and began to slowly contort her body into a variety of different poses.
His hand unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck, Kakashi gave a nervous chuckle. "Well, yes, I just didn't read them."
"Oh, this is gonna be fun then." Naruto shook his head as he pulled out a cigarette from somewhere and angled it down to Sasuke's lips, who gave the length a light kiss, causing it to suddenly ignite.
"Do I have to?" Again, there was that slight, very feminine little whine in Sasuke's voice as he looked pleadingly up at Naruto.
"What, you expect me to go first or something?" The boy snorted softly as he took a slow drag on his cigarette before glancing over at Ino. "Hey, Ino, give your dad my thanks, this latest blend is kick ass."
"Fine." Sasuke huffed slightly and sighed as he shifted just a bit, crossing his legs before he glanced up at Kakashi. "Sasuke Uchiha. I like Naruto, and I suppose if I have to, I like the blonde pretzel over there too."
"Love you too, you little sissy." Ino shot back with a smirk as she deftly avoided another of the little fireballs spat at her.
"Anyway. I also like tea ceremonies, dressing like I do, and a number of other things I don't feel like going into right now." Sasuke lazily waved his hand as he lightly continued. "Dislikes? Stupid people that try to push me into whatever little mold they think I'm supposed to fit into. Plus, probably my brother, but, honestly? I know I'm supposed to care, but after all that shit? I just don't care anymore."
He paused a moment, his pink, glistening lips pursed a moment in thought before he shrugged his shoulders once more. "As for dreams…" He paused again, brow furrowed in concentration as he seemed lost in thought, before glancing a moment towards Naruto then shrugging his shoulders. "I guess to just stay with Naruto."
"What, not going to mention those dreams you have of hot, steamy sex, with you in that pristine pink kimono, being bent over by Naruto and…" Ino offered up as her eyes danced merrily, even as she began to have to twist and dance against the railing. "Ooooh, but you know you love it!"
"Is this… normal?" Kakashi turned his head towards Naruto, who leaned back with a hazy look on his face.
"Hm? Oh, Sasuke and Ino snipping at one another?" Naruto took another drag on his cigarette before seeming to ponder the thought.
After a moment of waiting, Kakashi felt a twitch ripple across his eyes. "Well?"
"Huh? Well what?" Naruto blinked in momentary confusion back at Kakashi.
"Is this normal?"
"... Is what normal?" The look of confusion written on Naruto's face gave Kakashi an urge to beat his head against something hard and thick.
"You really didn't read ANYTHING about us, did you?" Sasuke gave Kakashi a look of pity as he slowly shook his head then lay himself out across Naruto's lap, smiling slightly as Naruto unconsciously began to stroke his hair.
"I think that's rather obvious." Ino agreed before finally flipping off the rail and sauntering over, lifting up Sasuke's legs in the process and sliding in as she rested against Naruto. "Look, no, Naruto is not that dumb."
"Excuse me?" Naruto took a long drag before glancing at Ino. "These aren't so good that I don't know I'm an idiot while I'm on these things."
"Well, undrugged Naruto isn't an idiot." Ino corrected as she lightly rolled her eyes.
"Debatable, remember how he used to be before?" Sasuke shot back even as he lightly closed his eyes and rubbed appreciatively at Naruto's leg.
"I am right here you know." Naruto complained with a slight pout on his lips.
"Yes, but you won't remember what we were talking about in five minutes anyway." Ino reminded him with a slight smirk
"Yeah.. I'm gonna miss these things when I finally get off them." Naruto paused a moment before glancing at Ino. "Think your dad will make me some regular ones that don't fuck up my head? I've kinda gotten used to em."
"You just like the way Sasuke lights 'em." Ino countered with a snort and a roll of her eyes.
"It is pretty hot." Naruto agreed, completely clueless as to why his teammates let off a giggle and a chuckle at his answer. "Huh?"