Hey everyone! Well I'm kind of bummed out. I think I lost a lot of my fans from my one tree hill stories and it sucks. I get about one review per chapter now. I am grateful for any review I get. They encourage me to go on with the story and I miss my constant reviews such as baley fo life and rain among so many others. I hope you guys can let me know what you think. As you know it's really hard for me to write this stuff. It brings me into a really bad place and it's really hard to get out of that place once I get there. I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Love ya'll.

P.S. If anyone wants to experience this the way I intended, then listen to turning tables as you read it. I had it on repeat if that helps.

Thankfully my mom let me skip school for a couple of days. I didn't tell her who the guy was. I didn't want to press charges. I felt like it was my fault that it happened and I didn't want any attention put on me. I got a few texts from Ashley asking if I was okay and where I was at but I just deleted them. I wasn't ready to talk about it and I wasn't sure if I ever would be. It was time to go back to school and I wasn't sure if I was ready for this or not. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were lifeless and I felt dead inside. I sighed as I combed my hair, before walking out and heading to school.

Each class seemed as dull as the next. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I just sat there, silent. Even if my teacher asked me a question I just turned my head and ignored them. I didn't eat lunch so I just sat on the bathroom floor that was furthest away from the cafeteria so no one would come in. What has my life come to?

As I got into fourth hour I remembered my worst nightmare. He sat there joking around with his buddies like he hadn't completely ruined someone's life. I took a deep breath as I took a seat but I could feel myself shaking. I wanted to cry, I wanted to punch him, anything. I couldn't be here. The bell rang and it caused me to jump at the sound. It caused people to glance at me and I could feel myself shaking.

"Ms. Carlin is everything okay?" Is everything okay? Is wanting to die okay? Is thinking about different ways to kill yourself okay? No, I wasn't okay.

"Nothing's okay." I whispered shakily as I got up from where I was sitting and walked out of the classroom. I got as far as I could before I fell to my knees and cried. I cried everything there was to cry. I sat back on my ass and ducked my face between my legs as I sobbed. I could feel myself shaking as I sat there.

Before I knew it a hand touched my shoulder and I jumped. "Don't fucking touch me!" I screamed as I stumbled back away from the figure. I couldn't see who it was through my blurry eyesight from crying.

"Spencer, it's me." I could hear her soothing voice before I actually cleared my eyesight. I sniffled as I wiped my eyes. I felt embarrassed to let her see me like this.

"Please just go, Ash." I mumbled as I crossed my arms on my knees and laid my head down.

"You're coming with me." She replied as she grabbed my arm causing me to flinch. She stopped and I looked up into her eyes and I could see the fear and confusion. She didn't understand what was wrong with me. Honestly, neither did I.

"You don't have to act like you care now." I said as I looked her straight in the eyes. I could see the pained expression on her face and it almost made me feel bad.

"You know I fucking care about you." Tears built up in her eyes before she squatted down and ran her hand up and down my arm. She slowly pulled me into her embrace, and I sighed at her scent that always soothed me when we used to cuddle at night.

Who knew I'd be so awake now? I just couldn't get comfortable. I contemplated snuggling up to her but I didn't want to freak her out. To hell with it, might as well. I acted as if I was asleep and threw my arm over her side. She pulled my arm closer so that my front was pressed against her back, causing me to smile. Now I was comfortable, I thought as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

"Please come with me." She whispered as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I nodded without a response before I allowed her to pull me to my feet and walk me to her car. We left school without going to our last period and I stared out the window the entire time. I felt her hand grab mine and she laced our fingers. "Please don't break my heart again." I whispered to myself, thinking she wouldn't hear me.

"I won't baby." She replied. I still didn't look at her but the tears built back up into my eyes and streamed down my face.

We pulled into her driveway, before she led me up to her room. She pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt for me to wear. She laid me back as she began to remove my clothes.

I tense up, causing him to notice. "Don't worry. We don't have to have sex. Just go along with it."

"Please stop." I whimpered causing her to stop her actions and look up at me. "I don't want to." I could feel myself shaking again as I sobbed. She finished pulling up my shorts and had already changed my shirt when I started panicking.

"Baby, I stopped. You're okay. I've got you, baby." She mumbled against my hair as she held me. "God, please tell me. Tell me what happened to you. It's killing me." I could tell she was crying from the sound in her voice.

"I told him, Ashley." I sobbed out as I clenched her shirt in my fist and sobbed against her chest as she laid me down on the bed with her.

"Told him what, baby?" She asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"I told him I—ddidn't want to have s-sex. He didn't listen to me." Her body froze against me before she jumped up and I lost her sense of security.

"No. No, no, no. When did this happen?" She asked as she paced the room. I could feel my anxiety building up and I began scratching my arm.

"After the party the other night." I whispered as I continued scratching my arm.

"You mean the party where I came to check on you? The one where I didn't make you come with me? The one where I saw you all over David and I left even though I knew that he is known for forcing himself onto girls?" She was slowly yelling and before I knew it, she took her lamp and sent it crashing into a wall.

"Ashley, please stop. It's not your fault. It's mine." I sobbed causing her to focus back on me. She raced over me and took my face into her hands.

"This is not your fault! I'll fucking kill him." She growled causing me to whimper. She took a deep breath before looking down at my arm. She quickly caught my wrist and pulled it away from my arm. I had scratched a line on my wrist raw and it had started bleeding. She walked into her bathroom before coming back out with peroxide and a bandage. She poured it onto my wrist before placing a bandage on my arm. She set the peroxide on the table next to her bed.

"You're staying with me tonight." She stated before grabbing my phone out of my purse and began texting someone. "I text your mom and told her."

"What about Aiden?" I asked with a raspy voice. All of this crying had taken a toll on me.

"Don't worry about him. We broke up."

"Why?" I asked as I laid back and she lay down next to me.

"Because I need you in my life and if he can't see that then he doesn't need to be in mine."

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Hey, look at me." I looked into her eyes and saw sincerity. "This is not your fault. It was my decision." I nodded as a few hot tears strayed down my face. I figured I would be all cried out by now.

She placed her hand on my face before wiping the tear with her thumb. "I love you, baby." She whispered before pressing her lips to mine. This was new. This has never happened before, but her lips have never made me feel safer. They were soft and gentle. She pulled me into her body as we kissed.

As we pulled away she ran her hand over my cheek. "Promise you won't ever desert me. I need you, Ash."

"I will never leave you, Spencer." She promised before pulling me in for another kiss. We spent the rest of the night holding each other and sharing kisses.

"Stop!" He groaned before pulling out. He continued to lean over me and all I could smell was the alcohol on his breath.

"Stop!" I yelled as I jolted up in a panic. "Please stop!" I felt arms wrap around me as I realized a familiar voice was calling my name. She slowly pulled me into her embrace before laying us back down. She intertwined our legs as ran her hands around my back in a circular motion.

"It's okay baby. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'll never hurt you." I nodded as tears fell down my cheeks as I silently cried.

"How can you stand to touch me? I'm disgusting."

"You're not disgusting. You're beautiful. So beautiful." Her lips pressed against mine and we fell back into our rhythm that we were in, earlier in the night.

"I love you Ashley." I whispered as she wiped away my tears. I have never hurt so much in my entire life. She was the one person that could possibly save me.

"I love you too Spencer. You mean everything to me." She whispered back. She will never know what these kisses and exchanges of 'I love you's' mean to me. I don't think I would ever have the guts to tell her either.

tbplrbear1: Thanks. It doesn't really matter if you have dealt with the same specific thing or not. We all have our struggles that we deal with in life. It helps to have a friend. Yeah its pretty much real. At least some of the scenarios are. I have tweaked a few things except for the actual rape scene. I have to make some things different for ash and spencer and so you guys will enjoy it. Thanks for the support!