Okay, so, here we go with chapter two. This should flesh out a bit more information for you (well, that's the plan at least!) Thanks to my reviewers,

Dana1, It's all written but each chapter needs editing which takes me an age because I'm so obsessive! I'm pretty swamped at work as well, so once a week is about all I can manage. Hope that will be enough.

Eevee4ever2004, thanks for your interest, hopefully you'll like the rest!

AngelOfDeathOfWrestling, Your wish is my command! Seriously though, thank you for your review. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!

Andrew27King, I'm glad you have such faith in me! With any luck, I won't disappoint!

Milk Cow Blues

It didn't take them as long to find him as Dean had thought it would. Which irritated him because he just wanted to be alone.

Alone.

Maybe that wasn't the right word to use. After all, wasn't he always alone? These days at least. It hadn't always been like that. Three years ago he'd had two brothers – not by blood but by everything else – and even just one year ago he'd had a best friend and the love of his life.

He stopped himself. Thinking about her was too painful. People had told him that time would make it easier but they were wrong. If anything it had only made it worse. He handled it though and she would have been proud of that. Hell, she was proud of almost everything he'd done.

Fuck it but he missed her. He missed her a lot.

He wondered briefly what she would have made of it. How would she have wanted him to handle this – this thing? Probably sensibly.

Let bygones be bygones Dean.

She'd said that to him once, when a letter from Seth had arrived from the penitentiary and she had forced him to read it instead of ripping it straight up. He hadn't written back – he'd had nothing to say to him, still didn't – but despite that she had kissed him gently and thanked him for trying. She would definitely have wanted him to patch things up with Roman. She'd loved Roman and – once upon a time – she'd loved Seth. It was a shame then that love had never been enough. It hadn't saved her, it hadn't saved The Shield. In the end all it had ever done was bring him more heartache and that was the reason he had walked from the office. Not because he didn't want to do it but because he couldn't. No way could he get close and lose them again. Which was precisely what was going to happen.

After all, it always did.

It was also the reason that he sank towards the table as he saw them arrive, hoping not to be seen. He had known that Roman would find him out quickly – just twelve months earlier Dean's favourite bars had been theirs – but Seth's appearance was a little more grating.

What? Did they do everything together now?

It was actually Seth who spotted him first off and he swatted Roman sharply across the arm. Both sets of long dark hair swung round towards him and he snorted as both men headed his way.

"Well, well, well, look who it is – my former best friends."

Roman sighed a little,

"Dean – ,"

"Did I miss somethin'? Is there somethin' I didn't make clear back there? I mean, we all know I have a tendency to kinda ramble right? So let me say it again – so you can hear it – I have no interest in workin' with you. Did it before, kinda backfired. Not about to do it again."

To finish off his sentence with something of a flourish, he took an exaggerated sip of his drink and Roman narrowed his brows at him suspiciously and shifted awkwardly,

"How many have you had?"

"Drinks?" Dean responded, like he couldn't remember, "I don't know. I wanna say like five? Why? Don't tell me you're actually worried? Because you're twelve months too late buddy. Y'know? That ship has sailed."

As his hand moved up and down to mimic choppy waters, Roman's expression dropped from worried to shit. Clearly he had been waiting for his own bespoke ass-chewing ever since he had heard Dean letting loose on Seth.

Seth.

For his part the younger man was just standing there, frowning between them and looking slightly out of place. Actually he looked like he'd been set up with someone but had managed to get caught between his date and their ex. It was all so stupid that Dean actually chuckled which didn't do much to ease Roman's alarm. As Dean went to take another sip of clear liquid, the big hand came down on his and held it in place,

"That's enough Dean. You've had enough."

"Fuck off Roman."

"Dean – ,"

"It's water."

For a second the pair of them simply blinked down at him and then Seth frowned,

"It's what?"

To make the point, Dean dropped in his finger and swirled it briskly around the glass. Lifting it out again he flicked the cool droplets, aiming them directly at Seth's face.

"Water."

Clearly whatever the two men had been expecting, sobriety hadn't made it to the top of the list and Dean smirked a little, pleased he had surprised them if only because it proved they were no longer his friends. Only it didn't – at least, not really – because the smile in Roman's eyes threatened to undermine it all,

"Good for you."

"Yeah well," Dean shrugged bitterly, "I'm sorry I'm not as screwed up as you thought I would be."

"What? No. I mean it, I'm proud of you – she would be too."

Dean's voice darkened,

"No."

It was a strange thing to witness the sudden turn in character as Dean moved from tense to all out enraged. It was almost like somebody had flipped a switch on him and in mentioning her, Seth guessed Roman had.

"Dean, I didn't – ,"

He didn't get much further.

Three words were all it took for Dean to erupt.

"You don't get to fuckin' talk about her. You don't get to say her fuckin' name. You lost that right when you weren't at the funeral and when you didn't call and when you didn't send a card – ,"

Seth couldn't help but blink a bit at that one.

No contact?

That didn't sound like Roman at all.

"I already fuckin' know she's proud of me. Why do you think I haven't had a drink? But if you think I'm gonna let you pretend that you gave a shit then guess again because you're dead fuckin' wrong."

The speech was about as passionate – and emotional – as they had seen him and it was made more poignant by the shine in his eyes. Dean was on the verge of losing it completely and if he did it would mark the first time they had ever seen him cry.

"Uce – ,"

As Roman stepped forward looking positively broken, Dean stilled the movement with a hand.

"I'm fine."

It was a total crock of shit and all three of them knew it, but they were still too unsure of each other to call him out. So instead they simply stood and watched him draw deep breaths in and try to shake the tears out of his eyes. In the silence Seth slid into the booth to sit across from him and glanced up at Roman in ill-concealed surprise,

"Seriously man? You didn't get in touch with him? I was in jail and I sent a fucking card."

"Which I burnt," Dean put in but his voice sounded stronger and so on balance Seth decided he didn't really mind.

"What gives man? Where the hell were you?"

The answer came out as a reluctant half-sigh,

"Florida."

"What?"

"I was in Florida. I transferred there right before – ,"

Right before she died.

Dean's gaze dropped without the words even being spoken and seeing it made Roman's heart break a little more. Seth however was still working on confusion. There was a lot he'd missed out on and he was looking to fill in gaps.

"So what, they don't have phonelines in Florida? The postal service doesn't make it out that far?"

Roman gritted his teeth a little,

"No. It wasn't – I mean I wasn't – I just wasn't really myself back then."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that I was going through some stuff that hit me kinda hard. I was in a bad place."

Throughout his admittedly vague explanation, Roman had been talking directly to Seth, but as the words left his mouth they drew a laugh from across the table and it wasn't amused-sounding either.

Dean was pissed.

"A bad place? You think you were in a bad place?"

Roman winced and held his hands up,

"I know, I know. Just, hear me out, alright? I'm not saying I was going through anything close to what you were but my family – my wife and I – we weren't getting along. You know she was never a fan of the job and what we used to put ourselves through and the hours and the nights – ,"

That was true enough. Dean remembered that much. She had complained about it plenty whenever he'd been round. He had just used to let it roll over him and had sort of assumed the same for Roman as well. Of course, things had always been easier in his relationship because she just got it. She'd never bitched about his job.

Fuck he fucking missed her.

"Wait, that's why you left?"

The realisation chased away Dean's mournfulness and he frowned across the table. Roman sighed,

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you just tell me man?"

"I guess I didn't want to admit that I was failing – as a husband and as your best friend."

"I wouldn't have seen it like that."

"I know. But then there was this other thing too – ,"

Dean frowned,

"What other thing?"

"It's not important."

Seth however was suddenly caught up and as he chuckled somewhat knowingly, both men looked across at him and their expressions were so fractious that they very nearly matched,

"Let me guess," he started smugly, "She didn't like you spending so much time with Dean. She wanted you to be at home with the family rather than out with your police buddies. Am I right?"

Damn him.

Roman's eyes flickered shut briefly and when he opened them again it was to hurt on Dean's face.

"Hey man, it's not like that. It's not about her not liking you – she does. It's just that she wanted me to be home more and what with her family living down in Florida she thought it might be – I don't know – a fresh start. It's not like I could really blame her for it either. She was essentially raisin' three kids on her own."

"So that's why you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't know how to."

Dean nodded stiffly,

"And after the accident – when – ,"

Dean stopped again. Even after a whole year without her, he still couldn't say the words.

When she died?

Fortunately Roman understood him completely and softened his tone a little in response,

"Things were going pretty bad down in Florida and I guess I wasn't actin' like myself. I'm so damn sorry uce, I wanted to be there but I didn't – I couldn't – I just wasn't in that place. Then by the time I came to my senses, I didn't know how to get in touch. I didn't know how to make up for not being there or if you'd even want to talk to me – ,"

Dean micro-smiled,

"Probably not."

It was a serious enough sentiment but he delivered it teasingly and instantly the tension between them dropped off. It was the first time all day that Dean had looked semi-comfortable and Roman could almost feel the sparks of friendship coming back. Then Seth had to open his god damn mouth again and the iciness flooded in like Dean had drawn across a veil.

"So what about you and – ,"

"She and I are over. I mean, I tried but I just couldn't get it done. So she stayed on in Florida with the kids and I came back here. I wasn't happy down there. I needed to come home."

It was the first time he had admitted his impending divorce to anyone and as it transpired, putting it out there was hard. There was something about it actually hearing it in the open. It was ugly and brutal and soul-destroying all at once. Roman had always been heart-on-sleeve honest and the broken look across the rugged features dispelled what was left of Dean's rage,

"Hey man," he offered, "That sucks. I'm real sorry."

Roman blinked back at him,

"Thanks uce. That means a lot."

He wasn't kidding either. Actually it meant everything but for Seth on the other hand it still clearly wasn't enough. He blinked across at Dean in total astonishment and his tones rose several octaves in a nasally-sounding shout,

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. That's it? That's all it took? A break-up story and an apology? Come on. He missed your fiancée's funeral for god sakes. You're gonna forgive him just like that?"

Dean shrugged mildly,

"I figure he had a good enough reason. I mean, don't get me wrong, what he did sucked, y'know? Woulda been a whole lot better having my best friend there. But at least I understand why he wasn't. That was kinda all I wanted I guess."

Seth blinked,

"So, we're done here? That's it. We're all forgiven?"

Dean's gaze darkened,

"What makes you think you are?"

Seth looked back at him with a frown of confusion and for a second it was so pitiful that Dean almost felt bad. But then he remembered just who he was staring at and what he had done to him. After that, not so much.

"Because," Seth stuttered, "It's kinda the same thing – ,"

"Really?" Dean replied lazily, "How?"

Despite the deliberately nonchalant tones there was something dangerous glinting in Dean's eyes and although Seth could see it and could remember what it meant, he was willing to risk it if it allowed him his say.

"Come on man, don't you see it? It's totally the same. He turned his back on you to try and save his family and I was just trying to save my family too."

"That's not the same thing Seth," Roman put in darkly, "I was never a dirty cop."

"Neither was I – well – not by choice anyway. They were threatening my family. What else could I do?"

Dean eyed him steadily,

"You could have fuckin' told us."

"You don't think I wanted to? Of course I did. Constantly. But you know who they were and what they were like. I couldn't tell anyone. I just couldn't risk it. I didn't want to take the chance."

As he'd been talking Seth's hands had fallen open and were lying palm-up on the sticky table top. When questioning a suspect it was something Dean always looked for and nine times out of ten, it was a gesture of truth. But that wasn't the problem – Dean had always believed him – the problem was the moment that had ruined it all.

"So is that why you hit me across the head with a chair?"

Seth stopped suddenly and licked at his lips. There they were. The crux of the matter and the one thing in all of it that Dean couldn't forget.

"I already told you man, I didn't know it was you."

"So what you're sayin' is you wouldn't have swung the thing at me if you'd known who it was?"

"What I'm saying is you startled me – ,"

"Well then maybe," Dean countered, "You shouldn't have been stealin' from the evidence room."

Seth rolled his eyes,

Ugh.

"They told me to. Do we really have to do this now? We went through this at the trial."

"Yeah, we did," Dean nodded, "They forced me, they made me do it, I was scared – ,"

At the sudden biting mockery, Seth's brow darkened and Roman shifted awkwardly, sensing a fight.

"Dean – ,"

But once again his friend wasn't listening. Why the fuck should he? It was cathartic after all.

"See, I remember the whole thing Seth. Every little detail – every single word. But what I don't remember you ever explainin' is why you decided to leave me for dead."

Seth's mouth opened then closed again uncertainly. Clearly whatever he thought had been coming, he hadn't been quite expecting that and as a result his answer was halting and totally unconvincing,

"I just – I just wanted to get out of there is all."

Dean chuckled wryly and the sound was so eerie that a couple at the next table turned to stare,

"Come on now Seth, why don't you tell the truth for once? If you'd have wanted to get out of there, you'd have just run. I was already lyin' on the ground in agony, I wasn't goin' anywhere, you knew that. But that's not what you did is it Sethie-boy? What did you do? You hit me again. You waited until I rolled over and looked at you and you brought the damn thing down on my head. Then you left – you left me there bleedin' without tellin' a single fuckin' person where I was. So don't give me the whole you just wanted to get out of there. Let's call it what it is. You wanted me dead."

Seth's eyes widened in horror,

"No – ,"

But Dean wasn't done yet. God why wasn't he done?

"I mean, after all, if I was dead then there wouldn't have been anyone left to pin it on you. Hell, you could have skipped off into the sunset and no one would have known. Should have hit me a little harder, huh?"

"No," Seth repeated, vehemently, "Look, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was out of my mind. Come on, they'd threatened my mom. Yes, okay, maybe on some level I knew that if I killed you then I was in the clear. But that doesn't mean I was trying to kill you. I couldn't have done that. I wouldn't have done. I mean, they even asked me if I thought you'd seen me and I said no. They wanted to go into the hospital and finish you. Don't you get it? I saved your god damn life."

While Seth had been talking he had grown more and more passionate and to that point louder and louder too. No longer was it just the table beside them listening, in the interim they had garnered at least another four. Dean however remained unmoved, taking another long sip of his water,

"Saved my life? Well, I'd thank you for it if it wasn't for hitting me in the head with a chair."

This time however it was Seth who wasn't listening and with a shake of his head he carried right on,

"Besides, why do you think I was at home when they arrested me? I knew you'd talk. I could have been long gone. But I wasn't. I stayed and I co-operated fully because I wanted to make things right. Hell, I still do. That's why I'm here. I want make this right. I want us to be a team again."

Dean snorted wryly,

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen."

"Just hear me out man – ,"

But Dean wasn't buying it and on top of that he had heard almost more than he could bare. Slamming his glass down hard on the table he growled out his reasons,

"I can't fuckin' trust you Seth. I did that once and look where it got me – in the hospital with a hairline fracture to my skull. I promised myself then that I would never ever trust you and I'm not going back on that. I can't. But hell, you two can do whatever you want to. I mean, you seemed pretty cosy back there in Steph's office, so if you want to do this then – hey – go ahead."

At the seeming implications hidden in Dean's sentence, Roman frowned at him and let loose a sigh. Even back when they had been brothers there had always been arguments and disagreements to settle and more often than not he had been in between. But Dean against both of them was a brand new dynamic and one that Roman didn't care for in the least,

"We haven't been planning this behind your back. Stephanie spoke to us separately. I knew he was involved but that's why I told her that the final decision had to come from you."

Dean glanced up at him appraisingly,

"You wanna do it, don't you?"

"I guess I want to know if it could work again."

"You really trust him to have your back?"

The question was accompanied by the jerk of a thumb, the gesture clearly in Seth's direction. Roman paused for a minute then smiled, dodging it artfully,

"Not as much as I trust you."

For a second it seemed like he might be getting somewhere, then Dean snorted roughly,

"Then you're an idiot as well."

"Dean – ,"

"No, that's it. We're done here."

Standing up suddenly, Dean threw his drink back, skidding the glass artfully across the table until it skittered to a halt between the other two.

"Dean," Roman tried again, calmly, "Sit down uce."

But there was no way in hell he was about to do that and in response he shrugged back into his jacket and flipped up the collar before slotting on his shades.

"Look Roman, I'm glad we got to – y'know – clear the air here, but as for the three of us? Yeah, I'm over that. Go back to your family man, try and make it up to them because this right here is not a thing and as far I'm concerned, it won't ever be again. Have a nice life – well, not you Seth, you can crawl into a corner and die – but Roman? Take care of yourself. Been great seeing ya."

Then before either man had time to blink, Dean was away from the booth like a greyhound, almost at the door before Roman called out,

"Dean, we start in the old place on Monday morning – eight sharp. Just think about it, alright?"

Dean snorted roughly. What the hell was there to think about? He had already made up his mind.

So, I'd love to hear what you're thinking. Also, it's probably worth saying that Dean's partner can be whoever you want her to be. I'm kind of deliberately vague on that front.

See you next time!