Sorry about the long long wait. I really wanna get back into the habit of writing. I've finally got passed a lot of shit that's happened in my life. Let's just get on with the story.
It had been over a week since I left my parents' house. I had snuck in the next night and took as much clothes and personal belongings that I could. Ashley insisted on buying whatever I couldn't bring with us. I went to school like normal and got called out of the principal's office almost every day, but every time I saw my mom sitting in there I would just go back to class. I was currently sitting in my last period with Ashley. I had taken a xanax and I was currently zoned out. A note was thrown onto my desk. I unfolded it before peering inside.
How many have you taken today?
I sighed as I wrote down 3 on the paper and handed it back to her. She quickly scribbled something down before tossing it back.
You know I'm just worried about you. Please don't take anymore today. I love you.
I licked my lips as I wrote back to her. Okay I won't. I love you too. I tossed the note back before the intercom came on.
"We need Spencer Carlin down to the principal's office." I growled as I grabbed my books and threw them in my bag. I felt a hand grab mine before I could walk away. I looked over to see Ashley and her eyes instantly calmed me.
"If she's there just come back." She whispered before rubbing her thumb over my hand.
I nodded before walking out.
I quickly walked into the principal's office and noticed she wasn't sitting there. I took a sigh of relief and sat across from the principal as she gave me a cold stare.
"Ms. Carlin, I have called you in my office all week. I'm not doing it for the fun of it."
"I'm glad you noticed that I won't come in here if my mother is in here." I replied just as coldly.
"Well she has yet to explain to me why she needs to see you. All she has told me is that you won't come home. I thought I'd hear your side before I alerted the authorities."
"Would you go home if your mom yanked you so hard that you fell into the hallway table and all you could feel was blood running down your head?"
Her eyes softened and she softened her tone, "No I don't think I would. I have gotten a few comments from your teachers. Seems as though you have had a couple of meltdowns in class and you also were bleeding from your wrist. I would have talked to you sooner if you would have ever shown up to my office."
"Nothing gets passed you Mrs. White." I turned my wrists so that she couldn't see them before looking down at the floor.
"Spencer?" I looked up to actually see worry in her eyes. "What's going on with you? If you don't tell me then I can't help."
"I can't tell you. You'll tell the cops." I replied as tears sprung to my eyes.
"If I promise that this will stay between us then will you tell me? I will try to help you the best way that I can."
For some reason it felt like I could trust her, like she actually wanted to help me. "I was raped. Don't ask me by who because I'm not saying. I have to sit in a class with him every day and it makes me want to kill myself just having to look at his disgusting face. I also found out that I'm in love with a girl and that my mother hates me for it. Hence the reason I got jerked into a hallway table. She's very religious." I could feel the tears streaming down my face but I couldn't stop it if I tried.
"I'm so sorry to hear that, Spencer. Dealing with that kind of trauma can lead to the feeling of wanting to be with a girl. It makes you scared of men and when a girl can comfort you then it may cause you to feel a love for her."
"I'm not in love with her just because I was raped. I was in love with her before that, I just didn't say anything until after it happened. You don't need to try to make me think otherwise because it's not going to happen." I replied harshly causing her to nod.
"When do you turn 18?"
"In 3 weeks." I barely got out before the bell rang, signaling that the school day was over. I could tell she was trying to wrap up this conversation so we could leave.
"I won't report this to the authorities. If your mom decides to she can have you brought back home since you are a minor. I suggest you try to wait it out and hope that she doesn't report you missing in the meantime. As for your class with him, I want you to let the counselor know which class it is and I will have her switch you out of there. If anyone asks we did not have this conversation."
I nod my head in understanding before getting up. I guess she really does care about me. "Thank you Mrs. White. I really appreciate it." I turn to leave but she quickly stops me.
"Ms. Carlin?"
"Yes ma'am?"
"I want you to go see a therapist for all of this. I think it might help."
"I already planned on it." She nodded and let me leave.
I walked down to the parking lot and found Ashley waiting outside of her car for me. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and she ran to me before pulling me into a hug.
"I've texted you like fifteen times. I was so worried that your mom took you."
"She can't take me from you." I whispered as I ran my fingers through her hair. We quickly got into her car so that we wouldn't be seen. Her windows were tinted really dark that it made it impossible to see in if the top was up. I immediately pressed my lips against her to reassure her that I was okay.
After we pulled apart she put the car in drive and headed towards her house. "So what happened?"
"Mrs. White wanted to know what was going on so I told her everything. She is getting me out of that class and she told me to try to ride this out so that hopefully my mom doesn't report me missing otherwise she can't help me if they want to come get me since I'm a minor."
She quickly laced our fingers as she drove. "Don't worry baby. Just three more weeks and we won't have to worry about her anymore."
"What if she reports me missing?" I ask as I start to feel the panic build up. I can feel my anxiety rising and my xanax is wearing off. I reach down to grab the pills out from the place I stashed them in her car but she looked at me and shook her head. I sigh as I lean back and grip my jeans. Knowing that I can't have them makes it worse.
"Then we run away."
We pull up to her house and quickly walk up to her bedroom before I crash into her bed. I still can't calm down from the anxiety attack and I begin to scratch my thighs. My wrists are already scabbed up so I have to find a new place to scratch. Before I can do any damage, my hands are pulled away as she laces our fingers and place my hands onto the pillow above my head. I breathe in her scent and it helps calm me a bit. I lean my head up and press my lips against her neck as I breathe in her scent.
"Let go of it all, Spence." She whispered in my ear causing me to sigh out the anxiety. She lowers herself down so that she's cuddled into my side with her leg wrapped around my waist. I have never felt more content then we are cuddling.
"Did you call the therapist?" I asked quietly trying not to ruin the moment.
"Yes. You have an appointment tomorrow at 4:30. I'll take you after school."
I look up and I can see worry in her eyes and I know it's mostly my fault. "Thank you, Ashley. You don't know how much it means to me to have you here to help me through all of this."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." She presses her lips against mine and we fall into a familiar rhythm.
I start thinking about everything that has been going on. What if my mom does report me as a runaway? What if she sends me off to a school really far away? I can't live without Ashley. I would crumble without her and something terrible would happen, I'm sure of it. Ashley can sense me starting to tense up and pulls back from the kiss. My hands start to shake causing me to grip on to her shirt before burying my face in her neck.
"Everything will be okay, Spence. I promise. Do you have faith in me?"
I look up at her as my whole body starts to shake. "Y-yes." I stutter as I grip harder onto her shirt, pulling myself as close to her as possible.
"Then believe me when I say that I won't let anything happen to you. I know I didn't protect you from him but I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that it won't happen again and your mom won't take you from me."
"I l-love you Ash- ashley." I replied as she wrapped her arms tight around my waist.
"I love you too, baby."
It was after the therapist appointment and I was a fucking mess. I had cried multiple times but Ashley held my hand throughout it all. They had let her sit with me but she had to sign some release form. The therapist made me try different techniques to get rid of the stress. I also had to tell her exactly what happened that night which caused an anxiety attack. The only difference was that Ashley and the therapist stared at me the whole time so I couldn't scratch. It killed me. I went a different route to try to help and bit my hand until it left teeth indentions. I can't tell if these appointments are going to help me or make things worse.
We are currently on our way back to Ashley's house and I was turned away from Ashley, staring out the window. Ashley plugged up her phone to the stereo and turned on a song. It was Justin Bieber's song U Smile. She began to sing along with it causing me to look at her with tears in my eyes. I knew she hated Justin Bieber but she was trying to cheer me up.
"Cus baby when you smile, I smile." She belted out causing me to let out a soft laugh as I wiped away the tears. She reached over and laced our fingers as she finished off the song. I had to admit she was looking pretty sexy. She had on tight jeans with a rocker tee. She had her normal curly hair and that sexy ed hardy perfume that I loved so much. She was leaned back in the seat with one hand on the wheel and the other holding my hand.
I can't wait for the day that I can let her touch me. I know it will be the best feeling in the world.
As we pulled up to the street of her mansion I heard her mumble, "Fuck." I looked up and saw two cop cars in her driveway along with my mother's car. I wanted to scream, but I stayed silent.
"What do we do, Ashley?" I whispered with fear coating my voice.
"We run."
I know the chapter isn't long but I wanted to get something out. For those who have never expirienced scratching, please dont start. You will get in such a bad habit that it builds up your anxiety if you cant dont it. I still have scars and it's really embarassing. I love all of my readers and I really hope to hear from everyone soon.