A/N: I have a special surprise for you guys :) It's in this chapter :)

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"Hey," Emily said in greeting as she sat down next to Aria on the couch in the Brew.

"Hey," we all greeted back lamely.

"So what exactly are we all doing here?" Hanna asked, and by the look on Emily's face, I figured that she had the same question.

"Well, yesterday," Aria started, "after Ezra and I moved all of his files to his friend's shed, I went to Radley for a little bit to scope things out again. I found a sketchpad that belonged to Bethany."

"What, like filled with drawings?" Hanna asked.

"Drawings like the one of Ali's mom?" Emily added questioningly, giving me a concerned look that I returned with a smile to reassure her that I was okay.

"Yep. I took some pictures, but I couldn't take it," Aria admitted, pulling out her phone and passing it to Em. She'd already sent these photos to Spencer, so I'd already seen them. Though I sort of wish that I hadn't seen them. Some of them were pretty gruesome, and the ones with my mom in them kind of freaked me out.

"Wow, these are mega creepy," Hanna muttered, looking at the pictures with Emily. "What do they mean?"

"Well, she gave them to her roommate at Radley," Spencer answered, and Aria didn't stop her as she started taking up the explanation. "I figured that if maybe Aria can get on this girl's good side, she might say something about Bethany."

"Can you do that?" Emily asked Aria, sounding concerned.

"I can definitely try," Aria agreed, shrugging. "I mean, this girl is bat shit crazy, and so far, I don't have a clue of how to get through to her. I obviously have to try, though."

"You don't have to do anything," I reminded her carefully. No one was being drafted here.

"I know that, but if we want to be any closer to solving this mystery, then yes, I have to," Aria argued, shaking her head. "There's no volunteering on Sundays, so I'll go tomorrow."

"Speaking of tomorrow, Toby said he'll watch us on our way to school tomorrow. That means we all have to meet up and walk," Spencer told us.

"Meet at Em's place then?" Hanna suggested.

"Works," Emily agreed, nodding.

Spencer nodded, "Right well, I better get going. I have a Decathlon meeting."

"Suddenly it's so important to go to those?" Aria questioned.

"Yeah, didn't Mona basically boot you off the team?" Hanna wondered.

Spencer shrugged. "She dropped the club, so they're doing a revote for team captain."

"Good luck," Emily wished Spencer, who nodded her thanks and then stood, leaving the Brew.

"You girls want to hit the mall?" Hanna asked the rest of us. "My wallet has been whining to me so much. I haven't had the time or energy for real shopping."

"I'm in," Emily agreed instantly, and I nodded to Hanna, because whatever Emily was doing today, I was doing too. Not just because it was her day to 'watch' me, but because I really wanted to hang out with her, even if Hanna was there.

"I can come too," Aria agreed, smiling. "Take separate cars and meet up there?"

"Sure. See you all in a few," Hanna answered, nodding. She and Aria stood up and they left the Brew side by side, before splitting up to find their cars. I finally met Emily's eyes.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked her carefully.

"Better," she admitted, "but not good."

"I'm sorry," I told her, frowning, but she shook her head. As if it weren't a big deal.

"It's not your fault," she insisted, even though I knew that was kind of a lie. I had definitely contributed to her sleeping problems, whether she wanted to admit it or not. "We should head to the mall."

I nodded in agreement and forced my feelings downward. Emily wouldn't be able to avoid the hard conversations tonight, when we had to sleep in the same room. I shivered nervously at the thought of it, though, thinking back to those kisses we shared in my bed.

We stood and I followed her out of the Brew and to her car, and then I climbed into her passenger seat as she got in the driver's side. "So," Emily said, drawing my attention immediately over to her, even though she wasn't looking at me, "what do you think about all of this Radley stuff?"

"I think it's all necessary," I admitted, "but I don't like any of it. I don't like finding out about this girl and whatever connection she had to my mother. I don't like that people thought she was me for years. I don't like that she was buried in my grave, and I don't like that people wish it were me that had been buried there, like I was supposed to."

"Ali, people don't think that," Emily argued, glancing at me as she drove.

"Yes they do, Em. Maybe you don't, but even the rest of the girls think about it sometimes. I'm sure you have too, at one point or another. What would if have been like if I had died like I was supposed to? A probably wouldn't have bothered you all. Imagine what an amazing high school life that would've brought you," I argued.

"It doesn't matter," Emily argued right back.

"What doesn't matter?"

"All of that. Sure, things could've been a lot different. But I spent a long time thinking you were dead. It tore me apart, Alison. No matter what happened because you didn't die that night, I couldn't help but just feel happy and relieved when we saw you after we got back from Ravenswood," Emily admitted, and I swallowed thickly at the admission. It made me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.

"How come you told me that you didn't see the good side of me anymore, then?" I wondered, because it was important to me that I know these things.

"Because at that time, I didn't know if you were running, or you were chasing," Emily stated, and although the answer was sort of abstract, I knew what she meant. Was I the one pulling the strings? She hadn't known anything for sure. "I tried to say goodbye to you after all of that. I told Paige all about our past and tried to move on. But I still haven't."

"You know they say that your first love stays with you forever," I commented shyly, looking down at my lap. I knew that she was staring hard at the road, trying to figure out what it was that I was trying to say.

Finally, she answered. "Maybe." We pulled up to the mall and got out of the car once we were parked. As soon as we entered, we met up with Hanna and Aria. It'd been a long time since we all went shopping together. In the past, Spencer had missed a lot of the shopping trips though. She was always busy with things like Decathlon. Maybe things were starting to get back to normal.

At least, that's what I thought until I realized that everyone in the mall seemed to look at me like I was some sort of plague to stay away from. I hadn't noticed it when I went shopping with Hanna and Emily earlier that week, but now it was so obvious. The girls tried to pretend like nothing was weird, so I did, too. And we went hours shopping for clothes, and we all pretended like I wasn't the dead girl who came back from the grave with more than a few lies to tell.

As the clock led into the afternoon, we finished up our shopping and went to the food court. After we got food, we sat around a table and talked about teachers at school, and how I was liking classes. We talked about anything that we could that wasn't about A or Bethany, and it was a nice break.

After lunch, we said our goodbyes and we left them all to go to our separate cars, or in my case, to go to Emily's car. "That was a nice break," I said as I sat in the passenger seat.

"I guess," Emily agreed, giving me a concerned look, as if wondering if I'd seen everyone with their eyes glued to me in the stores. I just shrugged, and she looked away, beginning to drive back toward her house. "What do you want to do for the rest of the day?"

"We should watch movies," I decided, smiling to myself. "Maybe like a cheesy romantic comedy."

"Okay, when we get to my place, you can pick one," Emily agreed. When we did get back to her place, I went up to her room to pick a movie while she popped popcorn downstairs. I was scanning her movie shelf for the perfect movie when I suddenly heard someone behind me. I jumped and spun around, but it was just Emily, sitting down on her bed with a bowl of popcorn. "Sorry, I didn't meant to scare you."

"It's fine," I muttered, embarrassed by how scared I was.

"I would've jumped too," Emily promised, as though trying to keep from being embarrassed. I just shrugged and picked one of the romantic comedies on Emily's shelf, not really caring which one it was. I set it up on her little TV and then flipped the lights in her room off, before sitting next to her on her bed. We shared the popcorn, and our hands brushed each other's a few times, but neither of us reacted to it, aside from the tingles I was getting from it. I couldn't help but wonder if this was how Emily had felt all the time when I used to tease her. I couldn't help but wonder if Emily still felt those tingles.

When we finished the popcorn, she set the empty bowl on the floor beside her bed and we both got under the covers to watch the rest of the movie. The movie started to get a little sad, and I scooted closer to Emily, who hesitantly wrapped her arm around me. It made me feel safe, safer than it felt to have someone with me twenty-four seven. If I could lay in Emily's arms forever, I would never be scared of anything.

When the movie was over, Emily's mom was already calling us down for dinner. Emily pulled away from our strange contact quickly and nervously, and I hoped that we wouldn't be like that forever.

She turned off her TV and we both went downstairs to join Emily's mom for dinner.

EEE

"This is really good, Mrs. Fields," Alison commented on the food, getting a smile from my mom.

"I'm glad you like it, Alison," she returned. "How has school been since you got back?"

"It's been okay. It is a little harder now, but I think I'll get through it. I'll just have to get Spencer to help me study like crazy when all of the final exams roll around," Ali answered, smiling.

"You've got some good friends here, you know?" my mom told her, smiling pointedly at me.

"I know," Alison assured her, glancing at me as well.

I helped my mom clear the table after dinner, and Alison went upstairs to change into something comfy for the night. I had told her that she could borrow anything of mine, and she'd seemed a little happy about that.

"So, Emily," my mom stared, and I braced myself for whatever my mom was about to say to me about Alison, "I had a thought earlier."

"Yeah?"

"I just started thinking about how you were before Alison got kidnapped, and I realized that maybe back then, you liked her as a bit more than a friend," my mom said, looking at me curiously.

I nodded stiffly. "I did."

"And now?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't know, Mom. I'm working on it."

"Well… I just want you to be careful to protect your heart, Emily," my mom told me carefully. I nodded.

"I know, Mom, I am," I promised. "I'll be going upstairs now, unless you need anything else?"

"Nope, thank you dear." I nodded in response and then hurried upstairs. I found Alison on my bed, reading something in her school binder. She glanced up at me when I walked in, but quickly moved her gaze back down to her binder.

"I'm going to shower and change, and then maybe we can watch another movie before we go to bed," I suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Ali agreed, smiling at me. I returned it with a smile of my own and slipped into my bathroom.

AAA

That gave me maybe fifteen minutes tops to read some more things in my journal. I was freaking out already, so nervous to sleep next to Emily again. Last time I had managed it pretty well, but that was because I was so overly tired and well, frankly, whatever I was feeling had completely doubled or tripled since the last time I slept over at her house. Now when I thought about that kiss we shared almost a week ago, I knew that I wanted to kiss Emily again, like that.

I started to read the page I was open to.

Emily sent me a letter today. I never thought words on paper could hurt so bad. I haven't approached Emily about the letter, because I only read it right after I gave her my grandmother's snow globe, and we're hanging out later tonight at Spencer's barn. I can't call her out on this, not today. Maybe not ever, either, because this is completely my fault.

Honestly, I cried for an hour after I read her letter to her. I hurt her really bad. I had been hurting her really bad, for a long time. And now she was finally realizing all that I'd done to her, and she hated me for it. I can't even think about her hating me. Damn it, I'm going to start crying again. I never wanted to hurt her, and now here it was, coming back and biting me hard in the ass.

I have no idea what I'm going to do to fix this, but I have to think of something. Not until tomorrow, though. Tonight, I have to focus on keeping A from getting what he or she wants. I will not die tonight.

I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. I couldn't be crying when Emily walked back in, or she would suspect something. It was just that remembering her letter made me want to jump off of a cliff. She had called me out on all of the bad things I'd done to her, and it had hurt me to know how badly I'd hurt her. How could she ever have forgiven me for that?

Or had she even forgiven me for all of it yet?

Of course, she had no way to know if I even read her letter before I left. She had probably sent it while I was gone at Hilton Head, and I was only home for half a day before I was gone again.

I flipped to a new page.

Emily and Paige are getting serious again, I saw them together. I'm glad that Em's happy, but Pigskin drives me crazy. At first, I thought that I just didn't like her because she was a total bitch, but now I'm starting to realize that I don't like that Emily likes her. I don't like it at all. It was one thing when Paige was crushing on Emily, but now that they're together again… I can't help but feel completely jealous.

I'm jealous that Emily likes Paige instead of me. There, I said it, sort of. I can't really explain it, and I know it might seem selfish of me to say that. But after nearly three years without Emily, sometimes all I want to do is steal that girl back and have her to myself. But more than that, I'm not even sure if I want her to me mine as much as I want to be hers. And that's something I thought I would never say about anyone, let alone Emily.

It's hard to sort through these feelings. If I ever get to talk to Emily again, I have no idea what I'll say. My feelings will probably get even more jumbled. Hell, I can just imagine myself looking back at this journal hoping that it will help.

I tried not to let out an ironic snort at that. I remembered writing that. It was just after I moved into my basement. I swear, though, that I never peeped up Emily's skirt that the girls thought that whoever was down there must've done. Anyway, at the time, they thought that it was CeCe who was staying down there.

Emily walked back into the room, dressed in some sweats and a tank, similar to what I borrowed from her. I had to admit that I liked dressing in Emily's clothes. They gave me a safe feeling, probably because they smelled a bit like her.

"What do you want to watch?" Emily asked, coming around the side of the bed to sit next to me. As she did, I closed my binder and the book inside before setting it on the floor next to my side of Emily's bed. It wasn't the right time for her to see anything inside of that book. Yet.

"What do you want to watch?" I countered.

EEE

We ended up deciding on just another cheesy romantic movie, because neither of us could deal with any horror movies and I didn't have much else. When the movie was over, I turned off the TV and went back to my bed. "Tired?" I asked the blonde, who nodded.

"You?" she asked, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"Yeah," I answered, and she gave me a soft smile, before turning and facing away from me on the bed. I slipped my legs under the covers, but stayed sitting up.

For half an hour I sat there while Ali slept. I wouldn't ever be able to go to sleep while Alison was here. I had to protect her, right? What was the point of this pairing up thing if we were just both going to end up asleep? A could easily just get into the house and steal Alison away.

Suddenly, I felt Ali take my nervous hand in her own. I glanced down at her, surprised that she was awake. "Go to sleep," she commanded softly, squeezing my hand lightly.

I shook my head. "I can't."

Ali laced our fingers together and used her thumb to lightly stroke mine. "Yes you can."

I let out a light sigh at the feeling of her holding my hand, but I knew that I still couldn't go to sleep. I had to be awake to protect Alison. "If I go to sleep, then I can't protect you."

"Em, stop trying to protect me," Alison demanded, her voice quiet but firm. "Start letting me protect you."

I avoided looking down at her eyes, and then I felt her sit up next to me, keeping our hands clasped together.

"You're always protecting me, Em," Ali stated softly. "You're always protecting everyone. That's how you hurt your shoulder, remember? You need to start letting people protect you."

"I don't need protection," I argued, still not looking at her.

Ali didn't argue with that directly, instead she said, "I never protected you like you protected me. In fact, I may have done the opposite of protecting you. I never really realized how badly I hurt you until I read your letter."

I inhaled sharply. Alison had seen that letter? Why hadn't she ever said anything about it since she got back? I thought that if she ever saw it, she would hate me for it. "You read that?"

"Yep, the day I got back from Hilton Head," Ali admitted. "I cried for an hour. Not because you hurt me, but because it hurt me to know how badly I hurt you. If I made it through that night, I was going to try to figure a way to let you know how sorry I was. How sorry I am."

I swallowed thickly, and tried to just focus on the feeling of her thumb stroking mine softly.

"I never got to do that, though," Alison whispered. "I wasn't going to ever bring that letter up to you, because it was my fault that you got mad enough to write it, and I never blamed you for writing it either."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked carefully.

"Because I want you to know," Ali answered. "And I want you to understand why you have to let me protect you now. I don't want you to get that hurt again. Not by me, not by anyone, because seeing you hurt breaks my heart."

I wondered how hard it was for Ali to admit these things to me. They didn't sound like lies. They sounded completely true. I took a shaky breath. "But you're the one who needs to be protected right now."

Finally, I turned my head to meet Ali's eyes, which dropped to glance at my lips for a moment when I looked at her. They quickly bounced back up to meet mine, though. "Then we can protect each other."

We were so close somehow, and I felt her warm breath hit my lips. My heart was racing. Alison squeezed my hand, and leaned forward, closing the gap in between us. Her eyes were closing, so mine closed instinctively. Her lips touched mine tentatively, softly. For a moment, we hovered there, our lips just touching. But then she moved hers against mine, and I melted, kissing her back. Her body rotated a bit, and her free hand found a place on my cheek, where she brushed away some of my hair. My free hand pushed the blanket off of us carefully, and then rested on Ali's shoulder.

Ali pressed her lips to mine even harder, and I felt her tongue dance lightly against my lips. Hardly hesitating, I parted my lips. Our tongues twisted together in a sort of dance, and it this felt right. Though my heart was racing, I felt strangely calm and at peace.

I had barely even realized that I was laying down now, against my pillow, and Ali was kissing me from above, not from the side. I felt her shift under the blankets, and then I felt one of her legs place itself on the opposite side of me of where Ali was. She was straddling me now, and I found myself actually very surprised.

We broke apart for air, and my eyes flickered open. Her eyes met mine and we searched each other's souls for a moment. She used one of her hands to brush some hair out of my face, and I sighed contently.

"You're tired," she stated quietly. "We should sleep."

I pulled her down for another gentle, soft kiss, and then we pulled apart again and I nodded. "We should."

She got off of me, and I missed the lack of physical contact immediately. I turned away from Ali, to avoid staring at those beautiful lips of hers. I had a feeling that now I definitely wasn't going to be able to sleep, but then I felt Alison's hand rest gently, almost hesitantly, on my waist.

Smiling to myself, I placed my hand over hers and pulled it down to rest on my stomach. Now, Ali seemed more confident, and she pulled me close to her. My back was pressed into her front, and it felt so good. I heard her whisper, "Go to sleep. Let me protect you."

I only had time to nod before I was already drifting off into a completely peaceful sleep.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW EMISON :)

Happy surprise? :)

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SO I JUST DECIDED THAT I'M GOING TO WRITE THE REST OF THIS A/N IN ALL CAPS BC I CAN. SOOO I NEED SOMETHING RANDOM FOR TODAY HMMMM HMMMM HMMMM... DANGG IT I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. I THINK THIS ALL CAPS THING IS DISTRACTING ME.

Okay, so over that. Uhmmmm well OH OH OH! Today I went to my acting class and we were practicing casting calls and OMG I got to read for Elena from TVD like a scene from the pilot and omg I was so happy I was like YASSSSSSSSSSSSS bc everyone else got scenes from like old shows lol. =D Yay me! I think I did pretty good too :D

So goodnight lovelies! Please review :)