The last few weeks had been awful. Only seeing Ashley at school wasn't enough and the fact that we couldn't even kiss in front of anyone made it worse. She would kiss me before school and once after school before either Glen took me home or my dad picked me up. My mother and I quit speaking since the therapist incident. She hired some guy to "fix" me and my dad told her if she did it again then he was kicking her out. Glen and Clay have been distant from me. Glen blames me for the fighting and Clay just wants to avoid conflict. To say I've felt alone is an understatement. I wake up and call Ashley, meet Ashley at school, go to my classes and think about Ashley until I see her again, make out with Ashley until someone picks me up, avoid everyone except my dad at home, call Ashley before I fall asleep.
I think it's pretty obvious I'm moving out and the only person I feel bad for is my dad. We used to be so close and he's been protecting me these last few weeks. He told me I could go hang out with Ashley whenever I wanted but my mom wouldn't have it and would argue with me until I agreed to stay home each night. Well screw her because today's the day. I'm officially eighteen. I have never been so happy in my entire life. I began packing last night after everyone went to sleep. I'm a little scared to move out. I will be supporting myself and I refuse to let Ashley pay for everything even though I know she'll fight with me about it. Speaking of Ashley, my phone is lighting up to let me know she's calling. I grab the phone and hit answer and smile when I hear her beautiful husky voice.
"Happy birthday baby!"
"Thanks baby." I reply as put on some shorts and a t shirt.
"I can't wait until you see your present!" Oh lord. I can't imagine what this will cost.
"You know that moving in with you is the best present you could ever give me, right?" I could already see her rolling her eyes at me.
"Okay well then you're getting two presents and there will be no arguing because I already bought it."
"Fine. I can't wait until I get to sleep in your arms again. These last few weeks have been hell and I've missed you so much."
"Me too. I'll come get you around noon that way you can spend a couple of hours with your dad."
"Okay well let's get this over with. As much as I will miss my dad, I could care less what my mother has to say to me."
"I know babe. Call me when you're ready. I love you."
I told Ashley I loved her before hanging up the phone. I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair. I had spent most of the night packing and I was feeling the exhaustion from it. I didn't plan on taking too much, just my clothes and a few things that I wanted, but waiting until everyone fell asleep caused for very little sleep for myself. I was not looking forward to how my mom was going to react. Lord knows she's going to throw a fit but if I want to do this then I might as well deal with it now.
I take a deep breath before walking down stairs to an aroma of food. My dad clearly outdid his self with my favorite chocolate chip pancakes and fried potatoes.
"Good morning." I say quietly as I find everyone in the kitchen making their selves a plate.
"Good morning hunny." My dad says before pulling me into a hug which follows a hug from my mom.
A present is sitting where I usually sit so I take a seat and begin opening it. It's a cross necklace and a bible. I wonder who this could be from? I shake my head before sliding it away. Of course I believe in god and love him but I know what she's trying to do and I'm not having it.
"You don't like it Spence?" She is giving me that cold stare like she's trying to prove a point or something.
"What do you think? I know what you're trying to do and you are not going to mark me or make me feel bad with my decision. Speaking of, I'm leaving after breakfast. Ashley is coming to get me."
"I have no idea what you're talking about Spencer. I'm just trying to remind you of your values and—"
"You mean YOUR values? My values are that I believe two people who are in love can be together no matter what their gender." We are clearly having a stare down and I can almost see the fumes coming from her ears. I feel bad for the rest of my family. They are clearly uncomfortable in the room full of tension.
"Paula!" We all jump at the outburst from my father. Glen rolls his eyes before jumping up and walking off and Clay follows.
"Arthur it's just not—"
"I am sick and tired of this! Spencer is allowed to be whoever she wants to be. She is eighteen years old. Whoever she decides to date is her decision and not yours!" He slams his fist down on the table causing me to jump again. I have never seen him so angry.
"Whatever Spencer If you want to go sleep with some trashy girl then by all means, but don't come crying to me when she breaks your heart. Be home by curfew." She begins to walk away but now my temper has flared and I'm about to break the best news in the world and she can shove it up her ass for all I care.
"Actually, as dad was saying, I'm eighteen years old now. I can do whatever I want." I give her a smirk as she turns around and I can tell she is beyond pissed.
"Not under my roof, you can't!"
"That's the thing." I stand up and scoot my chair in before walking over to her. "I'm moving in with Ashley and there's nothing you can do about it." Smack! I feel the sting in my face and tears instantly form in my eyes. I place a hand over my cheek before glaring at her.
"Get out." We both freeze at my father's words, not knowing who he was talking to. He's looking at my mom. Oh shit!
"Arthur she provoked me! You can't be—"
"I am dead serious! Until you decide to be the mother the kids need you to be and the wife I thought I loved, you can get the hell out of my house."
This is the first time I have ever seen her cry throughout this whole ordeal. I actually kind of felt bad for her. "I'll be back for my stuff later." She grabs her keys and walks out the door.
"Daddy I'm so sorry." I whisper as I look at the defeat on his face.
"It's not your fault Spencer. I should have put an end to this at the beginning." He pulled me into a hug before running his fingers over my cheek where I was slapped. "Let's get you some ice and then I'll help you move."
I can't believe I'm actually out of that house. I called Ashley and she helped me and my dad get my belongings out. I feel awful leaving my dad to deal with everything but I know there was nothing I could do. I didn't say much to Ashley on the way to her house. She held my hand and helped me move my stuff up to her room. For once I actually felt like I could be comfortable. So here we are lying on her bed and I'm wrapped up in her arms. The TV is on but I can't focus on it. I just keep replaying the day's events in my head.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Ashley asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.
I sighed before nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck. Thank god Ashley let me have a Xanax when we got here or my anxiety would be awful.
"It got bad." I whispered. "She was screaming at me and then she slapped me. I hate her Ash." I can feel her tense up when I say she slapped me. She knows as well I do that it doesn't matter anymore cus I will never have to deal with her again. "My dad kicked her out."
"Seriously?" She sat up pulling me up with her.
"Yeah. Clay and Glen are going to hate me more than they already do." She gives me an apologetic face before pulling me in for a kiss. I will never get enough of these. To know that I can do this whenever I want almost makes me not care about the destruction that I have caused.
She pulls back before biting her lip as she looks at me. "I know you blame yourself but you have to know it's not your fault. I'm sorry but your mom is a psychotic bitch and she needs to realize that. If you decided to be the person she wanted then you would have been unhappy for the rest of your life and you would have resented her. Maybe one day she will realize how selfish and hateful she has been and will try to make amends." I contemplate everything she has said but my brain is too fuzzy from the Xanax to try to form a reply so I just nod. She gives me a look that I don't understand.
"That was your last Xanax." She states plainly.
"Okay? I'll just get some more from Carmen." I reply logically.
"I told her not to sell to you anymore." I feel anger boil up inside me and I pull away from her.
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"You live with me now. You don't have to put up with your mom anymore so you don't need them." I jump before I pace the room.
"Baby—I just—I need them. Okay so let's just go to Carmen's please."
"You sound addicted to them, Spencer." There was no emotion in her voice and I look over to see her staring at me with a disapproving look.
"It's not even like that- I just need them." I am completely desperate at this point. "Please?" I beg her as I walk over the bed and grab her hand.
"No." As soon as the word leaves her lips my other hand collides into the headboard behind her. I don't stop to look at the expression on her face before I jump up to leave.
"Spence don't leave!" She yells causing me to spin around.
"Fuck you!" I seethe as I turn the doorknob. "Go back to fucking Aiden for all I care, you trashy slut." I open the door and slam it behind me. I take off running down the stairs and see a car key on the table. I grab it before running outside and hit the lock button to see which car it is. A black cobalt beeps and I can't say I have ever seen it before. I jump in the car and quickly start it as Ashley comes running outside. I throw it in reverse before peeling out and driving off. I can feel my Xanax wearing off and I begin to panic. Ashley usually gives me two sometimes three a day. Before I know it I'm in front of Carmen's house.
I run to the door and bang over and over until she opens the door. "Carmen I need more."
"I can't anymore Spencer. Ashley threatened me and I'm not putting up with that shit so you can just go." She slams the door in my face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I feel like I'm suffocating as I walk back to the car and get in. I have never wanted it so bad and now I can't have it. I drive slowly trying to calm myself down.
I end up at the park where I ran to after my mom and I got into an argument and I feel into the table. After I park I look down to see a picture of Ashley and against the glass where the speedometer is. I've never seen her in this car before so I'm a little confused. I shake it off and get out before walking over to the swing and sitting down. I can feel myself shaking and I try to take deep breaths. I can't believe this shit. How could she fucking cut me off like that? I just need it. I just need it. I need it? Oh my god. I'm addicted. How could I be addicted? How could I let it get so bad.
I feel panic build up inside me at the thought of what I said to her. How could I do that to her? After everything she has helped me through. It's then whenever I can hear myself sobbing. I fall down to my knees on the dirt and I sob. I'm a fucking idiot. I sit there and I wait. I wait until I'm sober because Ashley doesn't deserve to see the way I have been acting. She is too good for that.
I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath after I realize it's out of my system. I get up and go back to the car before making my way back to her house. I slowly open the door to her house before making my way up to her room. I have to try to apologize. I open her door and my breath catches in my throat. I didn't mean it when I told her to go fuck Aiden but her she is wrapped up in his arms. How could she? What I did was completely wrong but the first thing she does is go to Aiden?
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Aiden jumps at my voice and Ashley breaks away from him. Her mascara is smeared under her eyes from crying and I really wish I wasn't the cause of them.
Fuck me right?
I am sooooo sorry for the delay! I've been super busy. I will try harder to update faster. Please forgive me!
IM GAY SO WHAT: Trust is a big thing for spencer to overcome. She lost all of her trust in everyone and to give in to Ashley was a big step for her. I'm so glad you are enjoying it and I'm sure this chapter may not be well liked. Thanks for the review!
Rain1657: Thank you! I'm basing it from what I felt like. I mean it took me forever to get somewhat over it and then one day it would be like boom and I felt miserable all over again. Spencer will still hit some rough patches but she has to work past it. Thanks! I hope to hear from you I miss your words.
Irishinkjunkie1024: I liked to try to put a lot of feelings in one chapter. This one was mostly anger and remorse but it'll get better and then maybe worse. Who knows? Thanks for the review!
Ffreviews:It sped up but not to what you wanted right? Ugh why does life have to be so complicated. Well thanks for the review!
EOL: I didn't ditch the story! See! I'm so sorry!