Title: Snape's Hell
Disclaimer: HP belongs to JK Rowling.
Author's Notes: Dammit, stop asking me to share my drugs! I'm not taking any! This is all natural male enhancement!
… Wait. All natural insanity, that's what I meant.
Really.
I'm being completely honest here.
-o-o-o-
Severus Snape was staring in sheer disbelief at the sight before him. Around him, he vaguely noted, crowds bustled and churned with children running and laughing and chatting all around him. Platform 9 & ¾, with the Hogwart's Express looming proudly in front of him.
Only, the disbelief came, because the scene was hauntingly familiar to him, this was the Hogwarts Express, as it had been his first day of school. Just as his own body, down to his ill fitting and miss-matched clothes were. Everything was absolutely identical.
The last thing he could recall... Had been staring into Harry's eyes, Lily's eyes right as...
Realization hit him then. Right as he'd died. And then he'd some how woken up, still standing on the platform to the Express.
Turning his head slightly, he looked up to see a face he hadn't seen in so very, very long. Looking tired and weary, Eileen Snape Nee Prince at least tried to offer him a comforting smile that never quite reached her eyes. It wasn't a surprise, really, he never once remembered any of her smiles ever quite reaching her eyes in all the years he'd known her.
"Go on, Severus. It's time for you to get on the train." The voice wasn't kind, and never soothing, that had simply never been his mother's way, but it was, at least, gentler than it was at times when she'd weight the weight of her loveless life pressing down on her.
"I..." He found his throat, suddenly thick with emotion, though a part of him disappointingly noted that it was not in reaction to seeing his mother alive and relatively well.
"Severus, go." There was a pause, her lips thinning into a pale line. "Unless you'd rather go back home with your father?"
That sent and involuntary shudder through Severus' spine, as the cold pit of dread he'd thought he'd grown past suddenly screamed inside of him.
"Mother..." It was strange, so strange to say that word, and with all the things he wanted to that stern, cold face, but in the end, he settled for a simple nod, and turned his back on her and walked to the train.
As he stepped into the familiar car, he froze as a sudden realization struck him like a bolt out of the blue. Lily. She would still be alive. He could change things, he could...
Slowly he shook his head, uncertain for a moment before he pressed his lips into a thin line of their own. First, he had to find her. After that...
A smile curled over his lips. After that, things could be different. They could make things different.
He moved through the cars quickly, popping into compartment after compartment. There were familiar faces, people who had grown up to find themselves on one side of the war, or another, or simply cowering masses that prayed for deliverance.
It was so hard not to sneer at the last, people who just stood around, waiting, either to be killed or saved, without doing anything to tilt the scales either way.
Then he pulled open the door to a compartment, and froze.
"Hey, Sev. We've been waiting for you."
He'd been hoping, preying for that kind of greeting, a friendly, inviting smile... Only not like this. Not from him.
James Potter, 11 years old, smiled back at him, his eyes dancing in that same way they always had, so much brighter than anything he could ever hope to have.
"Why don't you have a seat, I'm sure you've got plenty of questions." James gestured to the seat opposite his own.
Woodenly, Severus couldn't help but do as he was bid, his mind struggling to process what he was seeing as he shut the door behind him. He moved, sitting stiffly, his back ramrod straight, struggling to keep his face in control. Then, he saw her.
Lily Evans, brilliant red hair pleated into a tail on her side, her eyes closed. Just like himself and James, she too was only a mere 11 years old, just like things had been back then. Only, back then, she hadn't been the type to curl contentedly into James' Potter's side with a tranquil smile on her lips.
"Lily, love, wake up, he's here," James said, so softly, so tenderly he almost didn't hear it as the boy shook the girl lightly.
Those beautiful emerald eyes fluttered open, glazed for a moment from sleep, before they quickly came into focus. "Mmm? Here?"
"Sitting right in front of us," James agreed with a light grin. "Of course, I won't object to you spending the ride like you were, but I think that might make Sev here a bit uncomfortable."
"I've died and gone to hell, haven't I?" Severus finally spoke, staring back at the pair with blank, black eyes. "This is my punishment for all the things I did wrong in my life."
"Really, Sev, does this look like hell?" Lily said with a sleepy murmur before she stretched out and then half collapsed draping her arm around James' neck as her head rested on his shoulder.
"Worse than I could ever have imagined," Severus stated flatly as he closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath. "I would have preferred the fire and brimstone."
"Yes, well, tough. This isn't Hell," James said with that oh-so-infuriating smirk of his.
"Well it certainly isn't Heaven," Severus said with a sour mutter.
"Nope, and it isn't Purgatory or any other kind of after life," Lily stated matter-of-factually, "This, is, life."
"Excuse me for finding that rather hard to believe, considering I distinctly remember the pair of you dying, over 16 years before I even more distinctly remember dying myself."
"Death, is only the beginning," James said with a solemn voice that was ruined by the grin that quickly broke out across his face.
"Cliched, but true," Lily agreed, even as she lightly punched James in the side. "You can thank Riddle for it."
"Clarify. Now," Severus said with a growl, as he stood up straighter and loomed forward in what was supposed to be an intimidating fashion.
Lily was visibly less than impressed as she arched a brow, before suddenly standing up, her arm leaving James, as her hands found their way to her hips. "Severus Snape! Don't you dare try to pull that menacing potions professor act on me!"
It had been a long, long time since anyone beyond Voldemort or Dumbledore had been able to actually make him feel intimidated. But, as his occulomancy failed enough for a flash of color to move across his cheeks, suddenly, he actually felt like he was 11 years old again. And getting berated by Lily again.
"... Sorry," Severus muttered softly as he averted his eyes, before glaring back at James who had the audacity, the sheer audacity to send him a look of pity.
"That's better." Lily nodded in satisfaction and again, her lips were split by a brilliant smile as she settled back at James' side.
"Would you please," he said the word with a grimace of distaste rippling across his face, "Explain to me what you meant?"
"It was a ritual, the protection Harry got was supposed to be two fold." James said in way of clarification. "Lily's life to grant him protection, my life to destroy the one trying to destroy him. Our sacrifice was found to be worthy. But, he then went and nullified both."
"So, we were left with a debt owed to us," Lily said with a brief smile. "So, we got another chance."
"That only explains your presence here. Not my own," Severus stated stiffly as he managed only a mild glare.
"Well, after everything, we figured you deserved a second shot too." James shifted slightly, putting just the slightest distance between himself and Lily. "After a long and thorough screaming match…"
"Discussion," Lily corrected as she glared mildly at James and lightly punched him in the arm.
"So you say," James agreed with a nod, and a wince when she punched him again, harder this time.
"Discussion," she repeated with a glare.
"I swear, if the two of you start snogging I will hex you then oblivate myself," Severus muttered sourly.
"Don't worry, no snogging until Fifth year, we already agreed," James said with a grin.
"He wanted to wait until Sixth." Lily pouted lightly and shook her head. "I'm not waiting that long to get a good snogging in!"
"Lily, I love you, but you look like you're 11!" James exclaimed with a slight scowl of irritation.
"So?" Lily stared back at him, her expression completely lacking comprehension.
"If the two of you would prefer to be alone, I'll be happy to find myself another compartment," Severus said blandly as he started to stand up.
"Oh, sit down, Sev." Lily glared back at the boy for a moment, and shook her head. "I swear, you're just doing this to be a git!"
"Lily, love, he is a git. That's part of the reason we chose him, remember? So we could help... blunt a bit of that edge," James said gently as he lightly patted her shoulder.
"Yes, I know, but he doesn't have to make me want to curse his bits into his bum," Lily said crossly with a huff.
"Whatever issues I may or may not have, I can assure you, I can deal with them quite well enough on my own," Severus stated coldly as he glared back at the pair.
Lily and James looked at each other for, before suddenly burst into laughter.
"... I loathe you," Severus said with gritted teeth, his eyes flicking from James to Lily. "Both of you."
"Sev, seriously, you're like the text book definition of someone who is utterly incapable of dealing with his own issues." Lily giggled softly as she continued to lean against James. "I mean, you spent how many years doing the exact same thing? Lashing out and making things worse and worse for you."
"I am not a child!" Severus hissed out, before pausing at the amused smirks that were leveled pointedly at him and he remembered exactly what age his body was. "You know what I mean!"
"Um... E-excuse me?" A worried, timid voice spoke up as an almost unhealthily thin boy with thin brown hair glanced nervously around the compartment. "Is...? Oh, I-I'll find somewhere..."
"Inside, now," Lily demanded firmly as she pointed to the seat next to Severus. "You can sit next to Sev."
"I implore you, if you value your sanity, flee, as quickly as you can from these two," Severus stated forcefully as he recognized the childhood form of Remus Lupin. "They'll only drag you along with them into the abyss of madness."
"I... What?" Remus stared at Severus, his eyes widening in fear, before another face popped up over his shoulder.
"Hey! Is this compartment full up or not? We need to find somewhere to sit," Sirius Black half whined as he struggled to peer over Remus' shoulder.
Lily glanced at James. "I'll get Tweedle Dee, you get Tweedle Dum."
"Right," James agreed as he pulled out his wand seemlessly in time with Lily drawing out hers.
Before Remus and Sirius could register what was happening, Remus was jerked into the compartment then banished lightly into the seat next to Severus. The next instant, Sirius was pulled in, flipped head over heels and back down, then deposited next to Lily. Severus merely glared at the two.
"Must you two be such show-offs?" Severus glowered back at the pair and hissed lightly in irritation.
"What the bloody hell was that?" Sirius exclaimed as he stared from Lily, to James, and back again.
The couple glanced at one another, then turned back to Sirius and answered in unison. "Magic."
Sirius glared at the pair. "Of course it was magic! What do you think I am, a mudblood?"
Everyone else in the compartment froze at the word, before James glanced over at a narrowed eyed Severus. "I think it would best if we let Lily handle this one."
Severus opened his mouth to hiss out an acidic respond, before smirking, cruelly at Sirius. "You know, I think you're right, Potter." Immediately, he froze, before grimacing visibly. "I can't believe I just said that."
"Now, really, you think that just become someone happens to be a muggleborn, they won't know anything about magic?" Lily half demanded as she began to viciously poke Sirius with the tip of her wand to accentuate her point.
"OW! Hey! OW! Stop that!" Sirius half whined as he quickly tried to scoot away, his eyes going wide. "It's just an expression! OOOOW!"
"In case you might've not guessed, Lily is muggleborn," James drawled out as he leaned comfortably back in his seat. "If you can find a pureblood who knows as much about magic as she does at our age..."
"Beyond yourself you mean?" Lily threw a look back over her shoulder at James.
"Would I say that?" James put on his best look of innocence, which Sirius and Remus almost bought until Severus and Lily both snorted.
"Yes," Severus and Lily said in flat unison.
"Aaaaaaaaanyway. As you might've guessed, Lily is the oftentimes scary red head. The glowering sourpuss is Severus, and I am the magnificent James!" James declared before tilting his head to the side. "So, who're you two?"
"Um, I-I'm Remus," Remus said, visibly nervous as he stared back at James.
"Hmph," Sirius scowled lightly back at James and Lily. "I'm Sirius..."
"Black, I was wondering where you had ended up." Standing in the frame of the still open door, stood a teenaged Lucius Malfoy, glaring coolly around the compartment. "Your cousin asked me to make sure you... hadn't fallen in with the wrong crowd. Come along, there are people you should meet."
"... And what if I want to stay here?" Sirius asked, his eyes narrowing lightly.
Lucius paused a moment, his silvery eyes narrowing slightly. "Really, Black, you want to hanging out with such... undesirables?"
James subtly met Severus' eyes, and then pointedly glancing to Lucius, before waggling his brows. In response, Severus merely arched a single brow back at the boy. Opening his mouth, James made a show of lifting his tongue and sticking it against the roof of his mouth.
When Severus narrowed his eyes back at him, James rolled his eyes, and mouthed the words 'you know you want to' back at him.
"Who I chose to spend my time with is my business," Sirius said defiantly ignoring the narrowing of Lucius' eyes.
"I did not come all this way to waste my time, Black." Lucius narrowed his eyes slightly in turn. "Do you I would be intimidated by the likes of a few first years?"
Sighing lightly, Severus shifted just a bit and brought the tip of his wand to peak out from beneath his arm. Without even really looking at Lucius, a flash of magic launched from the tip of the wand and struck the teenager solidly on the mouth. As Lucius' tongue shot up and stuck itself to the roof of his mouth, his eyes widened in shock, then anger.
As he struggled to make anything beyond a string of indistinct, unintelligible syllables, he brought up his wand and moved to level it at the group, only make a startled sound as another spell hit him, and he was suddenly flipped to hang from one ankle in mid-air. Still holding onto his wand, he moved to point it towards the smirking Lily who held her wand pointed back at him. Suddenly, he let out a sound that came close to a squeal as his hands turned into insensitive hooves, and his nosed turned into a snout.
"Now, shoo, Malfoy," James made a light dismissive wave of the back of his hand. "The important people are talking here."
"I think you'll have to let him down first, Potter," Severus noted blandly as Lucius began to let out squealing grunts of anger.
"Ah, right, Lily?" James glanced over at her. "Would you mind...?"
"Really, boys, do I have to do everything?" Lily let out a drawn out sigh of exaggerated suffering, before banishing Lucius and his wand to the opposite side of the hall way, then flicking her wrist as he dropped suddenly to the ground. "There."
"Ah, good." James flick his own wand and the door promptly slammed shut in Lucius' face as he attempted to recover his wand and then a few more intricate motions covered the door in a flowing, shimmering light. "There we go, that should do it."
"Really, Potter, is that the best you can do?" Severus sneered lightly back at James, before he brought his wand out and with a number of intricate motions of his own and a muttering under his breath, threw a darker, purplish screen atop James'. "There, that should do it."
Scowling back at Severus, James immediately lifted up his wand and muttered under his breath as his wand began to weave into a quick, sharp fashion, before another layer formed atop Severus' spell. When he glared challengingly back at Severus, Severus sneered softly and began his own motions and muttering. Watching the pair, Lily shook her head and sighed softly.
"They'll be at that for a while. Make sure you give me plenty of time to remind them to take it all down, otherwise we'll never make it to the feast on time." Lily shook her head and glanced at the open mouthed shock on Sirius and Remus' faces. "What?"
"You... you're casting silently! And those spells! Those aren't first year spells!" Remus exclaimed, eyes wide with awe as he stared back at Lily.
"And you just treated Malfoy like he was incompetent!" Sirius agreed staring at Lily, before grinning lightly. "How long is his tongue going to be stuck like that?"
"Oh, depending on whether or not one of us casts the counter to it... it'll probably take them, oh... a week to figure out the counter curse on their own?" Lily glanced over at James and Severus, both of whom absently nodded in agreement back at her even as they continued their contest. "It took about that long for James when Severus first cast it on him."
"... Won't he try and come after us after that?" Remus asked nervously as he glanced over at a suddenly apprehensive looking Sirius.
"Well, if he did that, he'd be admitting that a bunch of first years got the better of him." Lily's smile was down right feral as she grinned back at the pair. "And then we'd get to do things to him where anyone could see..."
"And it would completely and utterly destroy his reputation..." Sirius stared at Lily in awe.
"Mhm. Don't worry though, I'm sure we can help you catch up, at least partially." Lily grinned back at the pair.
"Why are you doing this?" Sirius asked suddenly, his eyes narrowed. "Why us?"
Remus started lightly, before suddenly he too was exceptionally wary as he studied Lily.
"You looked like you could use some friends." Lily shrugged her shoulder. "Plus, James and I are going to need some back up, helping Sev over there not be such a jerk."
"So whenever someone looks like they could use friends, you're like that?" Sirius stated, his expression even more wary.
"Nah, just when we see something special in them." Lily grinned back at the pair, before waggling her eyebrows. "So, are you two brave enough to stick around?"
"Eh, gotta be better than Slytherin and the people my family wants me to get to know." Sirius offered a slight smile.
"I'd... really like to have some friends," Remus admitted quietly.
"Well, congratulations, you've got some now," Lily beamed happily and nodded to the pair, who cautiously returned her smile.
The rest of the ride was rather uneventful, save that Severus and James had to spend the last half of it undoing the spells they'd cast on the door.
-o-o-o-
Severus frowned slightly as he watched The Hat declare Black would be going into Gryffindor, just as it had before. He was, in all honesty, completely and utterly baffled by this turn of events. It was quite obvious that both Lily and Potter had plans for him.
And he was quite certain that any plans Potter made that involved him, would involve a rather unpleasant amount of humiliation on his part. Thankfully, he wasn't the same scared, angry little boy he was back then. Now, he was an angry man, trapped in a little boy's body, with skills to do more than just fight back.
When Lily's turn came, he lifted his head up, and watched. Then, he began to frown. The last time, Lily's sorting had been relatively quickly, before her place in Gryffindor had been announced and he'd been set up to experience the first of the many heartbreaks he'd had because of her. This time, The Hat was taking time, it's indistinct lips muttering something he could quite decipher.
Then the moment came. "GRYFFINDOR!"
He slumped slightly, but nodded his head. Nothing had changed there. He paused a moment and considered, though considering this Lily, that might not be such a bad thing.
So caught up in his musings, he almost missed the subtle glare she'd directed at one of the other first years in their group. Turning his head, he frowned as he tried to place which face it'd been sent towards. Ah, Pettigrew, that was certainly understandable.
Turning his head, he continued to watch the Sorting as the werewolf of course found his way into Gryffindor. Then, it continued, the Sortings the same as his vague recollections allowed, until Pettigrew.
"SLYTHERIN!"
That made him immediately snap his head up, and his eyes quickly flicked over, finding the smug smirk on Lily's lips, and the matching one curling over Potter's own. Immediately an icy pit began to form in his stomach as he watched the small boy nervously make his way over to the Slytherin table. Then, it was Potter's turn.
And again, what had been a brief thing previously was drawn out as The Hat shifted and mumbled words he couldn't make out. With each passing second, Severus could feel the icy pit in his stomach growing. When Potter's grin only continued to grow, and his eyes found his, Severus could feel his stomach drop into the floor as his pale face became even more so.
"GRYFFINDOR!"
And then, it was him.
Warily, he refused to think of it as nervously, he approached the chair and the waiting Hat in McGonogall's hands. It took him a moment to settle into the seat, before glancing warily at the oversized collection of worn fabric and ancient magics. With a final sigh of resignation, he felt the object settled atop his head.
"So, you're the one that I've been told to look out for." It was muttering lightly as it shuffled about atop his head. "Mm, mm, mmm! Plenty of cunning and ruthlessness there. No big thirst for knowledge, not anymore. Though, certainly no stranger to hard work and loyalty."
"Anywhere but Gryffindor," Snape muttered sourly under his breath.
"Oh, really now?" The Hat shuffled about on his chest. "Oh ho, I see, I see. Plenty of courage, just like both of them told me. The courage to make choices oh-so-few could make. You're more like them than you want to admit."
Anger flushed across his cheeks as he clenched his fingers tightly into his pants. "I am nothing like them."
"You are assuredly like them," it corrected gently. "Willing to sacrifice yourselves to preserve what you care about, willing to greet death head on and not flinch or falter. And I can see it in you, the desire to shine. To stop hiding in the shadows and step into the light."
"I belong in the shadows," Snape all but snapped as he glared up at it. "I want nothing to do with the foolish dunderheads who..."
"Ah, so much anger, and so much pain. I've seen so many students like you over the years. This time though, I think I'll do what I should have done instead of what I failed to do with some of them."
"Don't you dare...!" Snape's eyes were wide, panicked as he looked up at it.
"It's not often I ignore a student's wishes, but it seems obvious to me that what you need resides in: GRYFFINDOR!"
As Snape looked over at the table of his new House, he saw the bright smiles on Lily and Potter's faces and couldn't help but let out a light hiss of anger. "I hate you."
"So you say now, so you say for now."
Snape practically ripped the Hat off his head and thrust it to a bewildered McGonogall before stalking angrily towards his designated table.