Make love to her? God I want to so bad but I'm supposed to be taking this slow. If I do this I could relapse. The addiction I have to her could cause me to go back to my other addictions. If I tried to explain this to someone they may think I'm crazy, but the few people who have actually been addicted to someone would understand. You just can't explain it; you just have to go through it to understand how much this does impact me. In my heart I know already that I'm going to do it. If I didn't want to do this I wouldn't have come over here. I came here knowing I would do whatever I could to help her and if this is what she needed then this is what I was going to do.
I didn't give her an answer, I just leaned in and pressed my lips softly against hers. I could taste the salt from her tears. I laid her on her back as we continued to kiss. I placed one had on her cheek and swiped a stray tear with my thumb as I slowly slid my tongue in her mouth. Our tongues swirled together and I couldn't get enough. She moaned in my mouth as I pressed my center into hers. I broke the heated kiss and quickly removed her tank top and her shorts. She wasn't wearing a bra which gave me easy access to her breasts. I latched on to one nipple and flicked it with my tongue causing her to buck into me. I gave her other nipple attention with my fingers and quickly had her writhing underneath me.
"Spencer, I need you to touch me. Please." I nodded and pulled away before sliding her thong down her legs and throwing it off the bed. I could instantly smell her scent and it drove me crazy. I ran my fingers down her folds causing her to moan once again. I leaned down and followed the same trail with my tongue. I had to place my hands on her hips to keep her from bucking into my face. I circled my tongue around her clit before latching onto it.
"Oh, fuck. Spencer! Shit!" I continued sucking on her clit before placing two fingers into her hole and quickly thrusting in and out.
"I love you so much." She mumbled out. Her fingers find my hair and roughly pull it which only turns me on more.
She grabs my arms and pulls me up towards her but I continue the thrusting. Our lips attach and she moans, probably from the taste of herself on my tongue. Her legs wrap around my waist pulling me even more into her then I already am. I kiss down to her neck before biting down causing her to gasp.
"I'm coming!" She whimpers out before her walls contract around my fingers. I kiss her cheek as she catches her breath. I place one last soft peck on her lips before rolling off of her.
"Spencer?" She whispers as she snuggles into me.
"Yeah?"
"Please stay with me tonight."
"Of course." I'm not sure if she even heard me before she fell asleep. I know there will be a talk tomorrow; I'm just not sure if I'm ready for it.
I wake up early in the morning. It's not like I got much sleep anyways. I snuck out of bed and went down the hallway to take a shower. The feeling of the scorching hot water hitting my back relaxed me. I ran my hands through my wet hair when I heard the glass door slowly open and shut and a pair of hands wrapped around my waist. She placed her chin on my shoulder before pecking me on the cheek.
"I thought you snuck out." She said hoarsely as she pulled me closer, causing me to feel her breasts against my back.
I turn myself and wrap my arms around her shoulders. "I want to be here for you, Ash. You went through hell with me."
She pulls back and I can see anger in her eyes, which surprises me. "I don't want you to be here for me because you feel like you owe me something."
I sigh as I place a hand on her cheek. "You know in your heart it's more than that. I know it too. Just because I tried to stay away from you doesn't mean I love you any less. I'm scared. I don't want to be the person I was 8 weeks ago. I want to start over with you."
"Really? I thought you said it was too soon."
"Maybe it is, but when is the best time? I love you Ashley and I might as well step up now then a few months from now when I'll probably still be unsure."
She nods her head before leaning in for a kiss. I lightly scratch the side of her head as we kiss causing her to let out a soft hum. I pull back and I can tell she is still hurting.
"What can I do for you?" I ask, completely helpless.
She laces our fingers before looking back at me. "Just hold my hand through it all."
I nod with a soft smile. I could do that.
"You ready?" We had argued over whether or not Ashley would go to school and we obviously know what Ashley wanted. I also can be very convincing.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
I laced our fingers and felt her immediately relax. She looked at me and gave me a soft smile before we began walking into the school. There were immediate stares of sympathy towards Ashley and well.. the kind of stares that you get when you just get back to school from rehab, only I've been getting them since I got back. I guess we need each other more then we know.
"Looks like we've got a new dyke couple in town." Madison said with a laugh as she looked at our linked hands.
"Fuck off Madison." I hissed causing her to take a step back. I usually just ignore her comments but not today.
"Look, I was kidding. I'm really sorry about your dad, Ashley."
Ashley just nodded and pulled me along. I walked her to her first class before we stopped at the door.
"So I'll see you at lunch?" We hadn't sat together and this would be the first time since everything happened.
"Of course." She gave me a smile and turned to walk in the class but I pulled her by the wrist and pressed my lips against hers.
I heard the cat calls, whistles, and the murmuring but I chose to ignore them. "I don't wanna hide anything anymore. It's our new start."
She gave me the biggest smile that I have seen in a while and gave me one last peck. "I'd like that."
The rumors spread like wild fire and by the time school was over, I had enough of it.
"I know I said I wanted to be open about us but if one more jock asks me to have a threesome, someone's getting kicked in the groin." I said as Ashley drove me to my house. I barely got a smile out of her which caught my attention.
"Come over tonight." I said as I laced our fingers.
She scoffed and shook her head, "What so I can have your mom beat me with a bible?"
"Would you rather go home and eat dinner with Christine?" Okay that was a little harsh. "I promise she'll behave. We've been working things out. I want you to be a part of my family life if we are going to start over."
I can tell she contemplates her decision, but after sighing she nods. "Thank you." I whisper.
After we pull up to my house we walk inside.
"Spencer!" I can already hear her yelling as soon as we walk through the door. Shit I forgot about me cutting class yesterday.
"Go sit in the living room. Let me talk to her real quick." I say before walking into the kitchen to find my mom and dad cooking.
"We just got you excused for six weeks and you cut class yesterday and then you don't come home?"
"Have you watched the news?" I ask as I place a hand on the counter.
"No but I don't see how that has anything to do with—"
"Ashley's dad died and she needs me." They both stop what they are doing and look at me.
"Spencer, I know you love her but you need to be focusing on yourself right now." My mom said with sincerity.
"Mom, you're right I do love her. As messed up as I was she did try to get me through it. I want to do the same for her. If I feel like I can't handle it anymore then I will tell her."
"I think Spencer is a different girl then she is now. I think she is strong enough to make her own decisions." My dad stepped in causing my mom to nod.
"If you think you can handle this then I'll support you."
"Can you support me by letting Ashley have dinner with us?"
I can tell she is trying to work with me. "I think I can do that."
"Thank you." I reply before giving her a peck on the cheek and going back to get Ashley.
"So Ashley, how have things been?" Really mom? Her dad just died and that's what you want to ask? I give her a look causing her to get offended. "I'm just asking, Spencer."
"No it's fine. I could be better but having Spencer by my side is really helping." We give each other small smiles as we continue to eat the lasagna my dad made.
"Well if you ever need to talk I'm always here. I deal with a lot of similar circumstances and I will be more than happy to give you counseling." My dad gives her a smile which she returns.
"Thanks Mr. C." I discreetly hold her hand under the table. I know my mom is still trying to deal with everything and I don't want to throw it in her face.
"Can I ask you guys something?" I'm a little nervous because she is looking at my parents and I have no clue what she is going to ask.
"Sure." My dad replies.
"My father's funeral is tomorrow and I know Spencer has already missed a lot of class but it would mean the world to me if you guys let her go. I could really use—"
"Of course, Ashley." My mother cuts her off which surprises me to say the least.
"Really, mom?
"Yes. I know that she will need someone to be there for her and if you don't mind, Arthur and I would like to attend as well."
Talk about a shocker. I feel like it was just yesterday when she was forbidding me to see her and now she wants to support her?
"I would love to have you and Mr. C's support. I really appreciate it." I gave Ashley's hand a squeeze. I can't believe how much better this is all getting. I actually feel happy again. I never thought I would feel like this.
"Spencer, why don't you go help your dad with the dishes so I can have a chat with Ashley." Uh- oh. I just had to say I was happy, didn't I?
"Ugh! Where's Clay and Glen when I need them?"
"They both found girls that they wanted to take out tonight so I excused them from dinner. Now go help your dad."
"Fine."
"Are you going to tell me what she said?" I asked as we cuddled up in her bed. My mom told me I could stay the night with her since we were going together to the funeral in the morning.
"She apologized for how she treated me and explained why she did it. She told me that you were still going through recovery and that I needed to make sure I didn't put too much pressure on you."
"At least she apologized to you." I whispered as I played with a piece of her hair.
"You would tell me if I become too much for you, won't you?"
I sat up and placed her hand in my lap as I played with her fingers. "Of course I would but that's not going to happen. I know I have been so hot and cold but it's only because I was scared. I love you Ashley, and that's not going to change. Whatever happens we will deal with it together. I'm sorry we didn't get to live together the way we wanted to but I think this will be better for us. We kind of rushed into everything and I don't want anything to ruin us, okay?"
"Okay. I'm scared about tomorrow." She whispered.
"I can't say that I can make that better for you but I will be there and I'll be holding your hand the entire time."
"That's all I would ask for."
"What if we have a memorial party? It could be in the city and we could invite his band members and our friends."
"I think he would like that."
"I wish I could have met him." I say quietly causing her to place a hand on my cheek.
"He would have loved you, just like I do."
I lean in and press our lips together. I have missed kissing her like this and I don't hold back. We shared kisses and touches until we fell asleep.
The funeral was as emotional as I thought it would be. I was up front with Ashley and we both bawled our eyes out. I kept my arms around her the entire time. She was going to make a speech but she couldn't do it. I can't imagine how bad she must be hurting and I can't change any of it. My parents brought Ashley some flowers and my dad made her one of his favorite casseroles. Even Clay and Glen showed up for support. I could see Clay coming but glen coming was a shock.
Ashley and I spent the rest of the day in her bed watching her dad's old music videos. I had made all of the plans for everyone to meet back up at a hotel in downtown L.A. that was really nice. Ashley wore her dad's vest with black jeggings and heels and I wore a black dress and heels.
I had it catered and although I was going to pay for all of it, Ashley refused to let me. We sat around eating food and sharing stories of Raife. Ashley held my hand and didn't say much until finally she stood up with her glass of water.
"I would like to say a few words. My father was my hero much like how any other girl feels about her father. Not only was he my hero, he was a hero to millions of other people around the world. He was a great man and one of the best things he told me was to never give up on my dreams for they were mine to achieve. So in his honor I would like to sing a song I wrote and I hope you all enjoy it."
She grabbed a guitar before sitting on a stool that wasn't being used. I watched her fingers pluck the strings as she began her song. I couldn't help but smile as I stared at her beautiful face concentrating on the song she was about to sing.
"Today I heard that someone left this earth
That someone disappeared left no mark here
Today I heard that someone just got up and left himself
Lying on the groundToday is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Today is
Today is quiet in my townHer voice was absolutely breathtaking. I had never heard her sing before and I never wanted her to stop.
Today two boys disappeared without noise
and I wish that I was them flying somewhere overhead
And tonight in silence, two lovers hate and find
One is bored
One is angry
but neither one of them is right, ohToday is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Oh, Today is
Today is quiet in my townOh, somebody say somethingTears began to fall down her cheek and I wanted nothing more than to be able to stop them. I guess I looked tense because my mom placed a hand on my shoulder.
Somebody say something
Somebody say something to me
Oh, someday say something
Someday say something
Someday say something cause I can't take this silence anymore
Anymore
Today is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Today is too quiet in my townToday I heard the sound of birds and I wish that I was anywhere but hereIt's too quiet, too quiet
It's too quite, too quiet
It's too quiet
in my town, in here, in here, in here,
It's too quite in my townToday is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Today is too quiet in my townToday is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town."
She stood up from her stool and wiped her tears with a small bow. Everyone erupted into applauding and yelled for Ashley. I was happy for her and I knew this was something she had to do. I got up from my seat and pulled her into my arms after she set her guitar down.
"You were amazing." I said into her ear as everyone was still clapping for her.
"I love you, Ashley Davies." I said as her arms wrapped tightly around me.
"I love you too, Spencer Carlin. Thank you for being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you."
"You don't have to do anything without me."
Omg! So many reviews for last chapter! I love you guys so much and I hope you guys like where I am taking this. If you guys have any ideas then please feel free to let me know!
P.S. The song is Quiet in My Town by Civil Twilight. I met them once and they are such cool people and amazing performers.
Bloody ice queen: Thank you so much. You don't know how much your support means to me!
Anonymous: Well I am very glad you decided to give it a read and that you like it. I think people have to go through stuff so that they can overcome it and become a better person. I have really struggled with it but I am also stronger for it. I would love to talk to you but you posted anonymous so I'm not sure how to do that. Lol. Thanks for the review.
Mb168: I know but maybe this needed to happen for Spencer to get over everything and just work past it. Thanks for the review!
Rain1657: Thank you! I think everyone who goes through something just hits a breaking point and they realize, hey I don't have to be like this anymore. I can make it better. It's what she wants to do she is just struggling with it exactly like I did. Hope all is well with you. Love you! Hope you liked this chapter.
Idwalkthroughhell4u: Was this the reunion chapter you wanted? I hope you approve! Thanks for the review!
Ashleyss27: Thanks you soooo much! Thanks for the review!
Southfan1253: I hope you liked this chapter as well. Spencer just had to overcome some fears but as we can see, she did. Thanks for the review!
Irishgrl35: thank you so much!
Halestorm03: For you to say the update was powerful meant a lot to me. I really want you guys to feel what I'm feeling when I write it. I want you guys to feel the struggle and heartbreak and the love. Thanks so much for the review! I hope you like this chapter as well.
Inviziblic: That would have been another direction to take it. Haha. I think that would be a bit too much for all the drama I keep adding. Thanks for the review!
Ffreviews: I hope there were some happy moments in this even though some of it was sad. There will be some happiness to come. Thanks for the review!
Oneliner: Everyone has her opinions but honestly you don't know how she is feeling until your in her shoes. She is trying to fix herself and she feels like she is losing everything. Thanks for the review.