A/N: This chapter is exactly 2,222 words long haha :) It's late, and I kind of want to work out right now in the middle of the night (lol weird right?) so I'm going to make both my A/N's short! Remember, 100th reviewer gets a shoutout!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!

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Emily and I were studying in the French room today. Well, Em was studying, and I was just looking at French postcards. Oh how I wish I could go to France. Truthfully, what I told Emily today was absolutely what I want. I'd love to disappear to France with just her, forever. I might never admit that to her, though. Lately, I haven't really been able to sort my feelings around her. Obviously, she likes me, but I have no idea whether or not I'm returning those feeling.

I've been struggling back and forth with this, as the other pages of this journal are undoubtedly showing. My brain just gets so fuzzy around Emily. I keep considering talking to her about it, but I think that would be a really bad idea. She can't know that I'm even considering this. It would possibly ruin everything.

I was about thirty pages in Alison's journal, and so far, it was clear to me that this journal was dedicated specifically to me. Ali's place to talk about me and only me. Why? It was starting to become clear to me that this journal's purpose started as just a place for Ali to talk about my biggest secret, but had turned itself into a journal about one of Ali's biggest secrets— that she may have returned those feelings to me.

It was getting late, but I had to finish this journal. After reading her stories about me in her coded journal, this was a big change. These entries had a whole different tone to them, like she never planned on anyone getting a hold of the journal.

I kept reading, flipping through the pages like my life depended on it. They got more and more secretive sounding, like Ali was hiding something bigger and bigger every time she wrote a new entry.

And then she disappeared.

Now it's been ten days since I left. I know before I said that it would be hard to stay away, but as long as I don't think about my friends too much, it shouldn't be too bad. The problem is, this is the only journal I have to write in, and I don't want to turn it into a journal about me hiding. I need it to stay my Emily Journal. Which is why as long as I have this, I can't just forget about Emily.

Reading all of these entries felt like more than me reading a journal. It was almost like I was looking into Alison's thoughts. Like I was reading into her soul, and she wanted me to. She had given this to me, and I was still in awe over just that much.

I was almost afraid of what was coming in the next pages though. Three years of her writing about me? For most of that time, she wasn't around me at all, or she was just watching from a distance. How could she have written about me?

The only way I was going to find out was to keep reading. And I did, I kept reading. I read through the first year, the entries of which were fewer and further between. They didn't start to get written more often until Hanna's accident, which as I recalled, was when Ali said she came back to Rosewood for the first time. To see Hanna.

I saw Hanna today. She'll probably think it was a hallucination that she saw me, though. She's on a bunch of meds. I can't believe A hit her with a car. If they find out who that bitch is, I will make her or his life a living hell. I'll become A's A. Whatever it takes.

But I can't completely stay gone, now. I have to protect them, somehow. If I can.

I saw Emily, too, but she didn't see me. I was sneaking around, doing a good job of keeping myself on the down low, and I saw her. Just in passing, but man she's still so gorgeous. My heart did this thing like a flutter when I saw her.

When I saw her, that's when I knew that I could never leave her completely. There's just something about Emily that makes feel like I have to stay. If she knew I was alive and here, she would tell me to stay. To come back home. While I can't do that just yet, I can still try to help them. Maybe I can do my own scouting for A while they're doing what they're planning.

And maybe one day, I can come home.

I was starting to tear up now, because as I read these entries, I realized just how hard it was for Alison to stay away. Also, I can sort of see why she felt like she had to stay gone. She seemed so much less cowardly when I read through her experiences like this.

Every time she mentioned me, though, my heart beat faster. This was a legitimate journal that she wrote to express her feelings for me, and that terrified me and yet excited me at the same time. I was just afraid to get to the end of it. What would be waiting for me there?

I spent the entire night reading, and well into the morning. I didn't leave for school, which might've not been the best idea, but I couldn't stop reading these, I just couldn't.

I got to the Ravenswood entry, and Ali talked about her plan to get CeCe to wear a red coat to help her save me.

I am so grateful to CeCe right now. Without her, I may not have been able to turn off that saw. And if I hadn't turned it off, I would never have forgiven myself if Emily had died. Never. I probably would've hopped on a plane and gone into hiding forever.

I'm so glad she's okay though. I led them to Ezra's apartment. Right now they think he's A, and I'm not even sure if he is or not. I'm leaning toward not, because he's probably just still writing that book. But I can't tell for sure one way or the other.

CeCe is driving me back to Rosewood right now, and we'll probably get there before the girls, because I saw someone slashing one of their tires. I don't know who it was, but whoever it was gave me a head start to disappear before they can find me.

I'm just so relieved that I saved Em.

I was nearly in tears now, and I flipped forward, reading a couple of pages. Then I got to a new page, one that looked different. This page was a little wrinkly, which led me to believe that whenever Alison wrote it, she either spilled water on the paper or she was crying.

Taking a deep breath, I began to read.

I saw Emily. We met. Shana helped me set it up. We didn't get to talk much, but she said the words I knew she would say. That I could come home, that she would help me. She gave me a hug and it was the most real thing I've felt since I left almost three years ago.

Spencer showed up, though, of course, and I bolted. I felt so bad for leaving Emily like that, but I can't come home yet.

Seeing Emily again was crazy. I'm not even sure if I'm thinking straight, but there is only a few things that I can even think about at all right now. Emily. Emily and our past.

I'm crying right now, obviously. I'll probably deny this later, or look back and think that I must've just been hysterical, but it's been a long time coming and I might as well say this somewhere once.

But I love Emily.

As more than a friend. I don't know if I always have, but seeing her again made me realize how badly I need her. I can't just come back and enter my old life again, but if I could, I would. I need Emily back. I need her to be mine again.

And now I know for sure… I want to be hers, and that's something I've never been.

Like I said, I'll probably go back to being completely confused in a couple of days, but at least I said it once.

That was the last entry in the journal, and it had cued my tears. I was full out crying now, and all I could tell myself was to call Ali. Had to talk to her now.

So I grabbed my phone and dialed, hoping that she wasn't in a class right now.

AAA

It was lunch time, and Emily still hadn't shown up. I was having a near mental breakdown. Was she still reading? What did she think of everything I said in there? Though I hadn't read every entry yet, I could recall what the last one was. That was the page where I wrote that I loved her. I had read it a billion times over after I wrote it, and it made less and less sense every time.

Now that I was back here, though, and Emily was always so close to me, it started to feel like it actually made perfect sense that I could love Emily.

And here I was, still being super confused.

"Hey, has anyone tried calling Em?" Aria asked, sitting down with the rest of us. "I'm starting to get worried. What if something happened with Paige yesterday and she's home crying or something?"

"I spoke to her last night," I admitted, "after her thing with Paige. She said that it was hard, but she wasn't breaking down or anything."

"So where is she? Do we think that something happened to her?" Spencer asked, lowering her voice.

"I don't know," Aria answered, shrugging. Hanna shrugged.

"I tried calling her earlier, but she didn't answer."

Suddenly, my phone started ringing. I grabbed it before anyone could see the caller ID. I glanced at it, saw that it was Emily, and declined it. I was freaking out too badly to answer. If it was an emergency, she would text everyone or call someone else next. If it was about me, she would just call me. And I didn't want to talk about me right now.

"Who was that?" Aria questioned.

"My dad," I lied. "I'll call him back later."

"Should we ditch the rest of school and go check on Em?" Spencer asked us all.

"She's probably fine, you guys. I don't blame her for wanting to stay home. After everything that's been happening, and now she's officially broken up with her girlfriend… she probably just needs a day to sleep. She hasn't been getting very much sleep," I told them.

"Was she awake all night when you slept at her place?" Hanna questioned.

My mouth opened and then closed, and then I managed to answer with, "No, she slept fine when I was there. But she said that she was hardly getting any sleep last week. I barely got her to sleep when I was staying over."

"Yeah?" Aria asked.

"How'd you manage to do that?" Hanna asked, giving me a pointed look.

"I just talked to her," I muttered, and my phone rang again. I quickly declined it. I felt a little bad about it, but I couldn't talk to Emily right now.

"Sure, you just talked to her," Hanna teased, rolling her eyes.

"Wait, am I missing something here?" Spencer asked, sounding completely confused.

Aria and Hanna both gave Spencer an incredulous look. "Where have you been, Spence?" Aria questioned. "How haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed what?" Spencer demanded.

"Noticed that Ali and Em are totally hook—"

"Hanna!" I exclaimed. "Shut up!"

Hanna just smirked at me. Spencer looked at me for a long hard moment, and then asked, "You and Emily are doing what?"

"We're not doing anything," I snapped.

"Just each other," Hanna joked, smirking.

I shot her a glare. "We're not hooking up, okay? We've kissed a couple of times and—"

"And she's been keeping a secret journal about Emily since before she disappeared," Aria stated.

"What?" Hanna demanded. "Is that what that was that you got out of that locked drawer in your room?"

"Wait, you said you didn't have anymore journals," Spencer said.

"I don't," I snapped, "Emily does."

"What?" Aria asked, completely surprised. "Did you give that to her?"

I nodded. "Which is why she isn't at school today, I'd assume." My phone started to ring again, and Hanna snatched it before I could decline the call.

"And why Emily has called you three times?" Hanna asked, displaying the caller ID to Spencer and Aria as well.

"Don't answer it," I growled. "I'll talk to her later, okay? I'm literally on the verge of having a panic attack without hearing about what she thinks of that journal."

"Ali, what if she gets the wrong idea?" Aria asked carefully.

"Look, I know you guys are just trying to help, but I need time to process this just as much as Emily does. I'll talk to her later," I stated, and they all exchanged doubtful looks. A few seconds later, though, they nodded their consent and I sighed as Hanna passed my phone back to me and the ringing finally stopped.

Ali, Ali, Ali... *shakes head*

So, the actual chapter was 2,222 words until I realized a couple of mistakes and I had to add in some more words and an extra sentence or so. Sigh. Now it's not as cool lol.

Like? Love? Hate? Please let me know in a review or a PM! Also follow me on Twitter at BrittzandTana ! Tweet me that you read this and I'll follow you back! And you can still tweet me with #EmilysGotTheJournal and I'll still give you a shoutout =)

How did you all enjoy PLL tonight?

I promised I would have this up before midnight, and booyah! I did! =D

Random thing for tonight! So, I realized that when I thing that I say something weird, I'm really good at forcing myself to change how I say it. I know that totally sounds really weird, but a couple of years ago, I used to say the word "both" really weird. The way I said it made it sound like there was an L in it. Actually, I know some people who do say it that way, it sounds like "bolth"... but anyway, when I realized that I was doing it, I spent about a week forcing myself to say it the way it's supposed to be said, and ever since then, I've never slipped up. Sometimes I just feel really proud of myself for that haha XD

Anyway, I think I want to play DDRU... I know, at midnight, I'm so weird. Lol...

Goodnight lovelies! Please review :)