WARNING: Spoilers for seasons 4 through 8 in general, but especially for 5x21 "Dark Side of the Moon" and 8x01 "We Need to Talk About Kevin".
Author's Note: Happy Fourth of July to all of my American readers! In keeping with a tradition I accidentally started, I wrote another chapter for this random little series of mine. lol This takes place between seasons 7 and 8, relatively early on during Dean's time in Purgatory.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
Dean doesn't check his watch often. In Purgatory, there isn't much point. It doesn't matter what the exact hour and minutes are, the time is always the same:
Time to fight for your life.
But every once in a while the temptation to see just how long he's been winning that battle becomes strong enough to draw his attention toward the little circle attached to the leather strap he still wears on his wrist. Tonight, as he prepares to keep guard while his vampiric companion catches some Z's, this action results in the discovery of two facts.
The first of which is that he has so far lasted a whole forty seven days in Monster Town.
The second is that this forty eighth day is July 4th, specifically.
"Huh, would you look at that," he says to himself when he sees this, then turns to the fang he's been tagging along with to state, "Happy Fourth, Benny."
Benny, still settling in against a tree trunk for sleep and not quite comfortable yet, spares him a quick glance. "What?" he asks.
"I said 'Happy Fourth'. My watch says today is Independence Day," Dean clarifies, not expecting those words to mean much to his guide.
Surprisingly, Benny's face lights with interest. "You don't say. You know I used to love that holiday. I'd light fireworks if I could, but even when I didn't get to I'd still make sure those stars and stripes were waving nice and proud from my boat," he informs, a nostalgic glint in his eyes.
Dean cocks an eyebrow. "I had no idea you were such a patriot," he deadpans.
"What? Just 'cause I got these extra pearly whites means I can't be proud of my country?" the vampire defends, quickly allowing his retractable fangs to descend and flashing a pointed grin Dean's way. Dean assumes he's just being sarcastic, but then Benny's face grows unmistakably serious as he adds, "Truth be told, I appreciate what the whole thing is about. The fight for freedom, for independence. It resonates with me. I'm ready for a fresh start on my own. I lived a good long time under someone's thumb, brother. I know the cost of not being free to make your own choices."
For just a moment Dean believes he can see grief in the eyes of the creature sitting across from him, a deep pain that makes it easy to believe humanity lies within the monster still.
It fades, replaced by a careful lack of any particular expression at all.
"I'm goin' to catch sleep while I can. Holler when it's my turn to keep watch," the vamp says. Then he leans back against the tree, tucks his chin against his chest, and their talk reaches an obvious end.
As the vampire's breathing evens out into deep, slow huffs, Dean is left to sit and ponder the date in silence.
For him, the Fourth of July has held special significance for awhile now, too, but it was because he had good memories tied to it. He recalls the holiday as it unfolded in 1996, back when Sammy was still a good foot shorter than him, and when he still had that first Zippo the kid had given him for his birthday in '94- the one with his initials carefully etched into the side by Sam's determined hands.
As his mind strays to recollections of the fireworks that Zippo had been used to light, Dean's focus naturally drifts up to the stars that speckle Purgatory's vast night sky.
But it bothers him they're not the same stars he and Sam used to watch together.
He reaches absently into his pocket, looking for the more recent Zippo Sam had given him as a replacement after he lost that original many years ago; the one he keeps with him at all times, because goodness knows it was a staple tool of their trade…
He frowns.
The pocket is empty.
He checks his other pockets, feeling increasing disappointment with each discovery of lint in lieu of metal.
A stone settles in his gut when he realizes the object must have fallen out sometime during his conflict with Dick Roman, and he feels inexplicably farther from home than he did a minute ago.
In an effort to distract himself from what should have felt like a trivial loss, Dean thinks about Benny's reasons to love the Fourth, the way the vampire seemed to value his freedom and independence so strongly.
He understands the freedom part. He's fighting for his own, now. Not just to be free of Purgatory after they find Castiel and hopefully this magical portal Benny talks about, but freedom from the weight he and his brother and friend have been carrying for so long, and freedom from the risk of making any more huge mistakes under pressure which they otherwise would never have touched.
It's been years since they weren't trying to save the world. First they were working to stop Lilith from unleashing Lucifer, then they needed to stop Armageddon, then it was Eve, then the Leviathans…
When Dean makes it back to the surface - when he wins the grand prize for surviving all these days in a hive of violent nasties - it'll be the first time in what feels like an eternity that he and Sam and Cas won't have the entire planet's safety on their plate.
Sure, they'll still be hunters. He doubts they'll ever manage to stop with that part of their lives. But there's a big difference between tracking down a demon or two, and trying to stop all of Hell from winning a war against all of Heaven, or something of that magnitude.
And it strikes him that's what he keeps going for.
Not independence like Benny is, not by a long-shot. No, because he wants his little brother and his best friend back. He wants for the three of them to be together again, a messed up and tiny family, yet a family all the same.
But freedom? From destiny, from world-wide catastrophe, from responsibilities too heavy to bear with sanity…
He's not fighting for his life.
He's fighting for their lives. His and Sam's and even Castiel's.
Their futures and their right to live without the burdens they've bourn.
So like he's done every night so far in Purgatory, Dean keeps his gaze skyward as he quietly prays to the friend he's determined to believe is still alive in this wasteland somewhere.
"Happy Fourth of July, Cas. You and Sammy and me will have our own freedom soon, I promise."
Secondary Author's Note: Thanks for reading! If you have a moment, please do leave feedback. It's always appreciated. :D And again, Happy Fourth!