Fragmented Ideas

by Chilord

A variety incompleted story starts that will not likely be finished.

59. BtVS: Loop De Buffe

Title: Loop De Buffe

Disclaimer: As always BtVS belongs to the variety of different copyright holders other than myself.

Author's Notes: Just a looping ficlet.

-o-o-o-

Buffy Summers sighed softly as she quietly walked up towards Sunnydale High for her first day at the school as her mom drove away. Again. She didn't even know how many times it had been now.

Shaking her head, she put on her usual face of bored trepidation before starting to walk towards up the steps. She counted things off in her head, waiting until just the right moment. Turning her head, she glanced, expectantly towards the railing, and smiled slightly as she watched Xander Harris fly down, and then crash and burn, landing in a tumble uncomfortably on his back as his skateboard was knocked out from under him.

She couldn't remember the first time she'd first realize she'd caused him to crash that skateboard the first time he'd seen her. It'd annoyed her at first, a reminder of the way he'd always been interested in her. He'd seemed almost like a lost little puppy at first.

A shake of her head and she waited only long enough to catch a glimpse of Willow, and another smile crossed her lips before she walked towards the school entrance. She'd learned a while ago, that if she took too long, watched them too much, then everything became so much more... difficult to arrange.

Xander. Good or ill, he was one of a kind. She remembered a time or two when he'd actually followed through with the threat he'd made to at the start of second year.

It hadn't exactly been subtle either. She'd learned first hand, that from 10 yards away, 9 mm slugs hurt like a bitch when they ripped your heart to pieces. That was the thing about Xander, when he said he'd do something, really said it, and you could see it in his eyes if you knew what to look for, it didn't matter how utter terrified he was of it, he'd do exactly what he said he would.

And he was loyal. It didn't matter how stupid you were or how insane you got, if you were his friend, he'd always believe in you. Always stand by you.

Even when you had your hand shoved up into his ribcage and were ripping out his heart. Literally.

She'd only been able to do that once.

The other times she'd thrown him off cliffs, or roofs or into magical portals or left him to die at the heads one some monster or another. The look in his eyes was just too much for her to really stomach. She'd thought for the longest time, he was simply too stupid to realize she was just using him.

Then she'd thought it was because he was stupid enough to think he loved her.

Finally, she'd understood that he was simply being Xander. Loyal, dependable and all too human Xander. The one who was there when she'd finally let herself crack under the strain of doing things, over and over again.

The one who'd she'd killed, time and time again just for daring to see her like that.

The one man, she'd finally come to accept she actually needed in her life. Her lips tugged upwards as she remembered the time she'd stolen him away from Anya, driving the woman straight back into the arms of D'Hoffryn. Just before she'd taken his head and left her trapped and powerless in Arashmahaar.

No matter how deep she'd jumped down into the dark hole of life, she could never really find herself able to like Anya. And after she'd spent a life as the partner of Angelus, that was saying something.

She had learned more about how far a human could bend before they broke, than she'd ever imagined. Angelus showed her why he was the reason the four of them had earned the name the Scourge of Europe. For all Spike's puffed up posturing, for all his deadly skill, he just wasn't the same kind of monster as Angelus.

Spike only went for the pain when it was personal. Otherwise, it was the hunt, the chase, the fight and the kill that drove him. And whatever woman he had him wrapped about her finger.

Angelus, in a twisted way, was an artist. His kills, no less vicious than Spike's own, were more often than not used to further whatever game had caught his whim at the moment. And when he wasn't focused on a particular obsession, oh could he be whimsical in ways Angel never could.

She shook her head as she stepped up to the Principal's office and smiled politely to the secretary as she introduced herself. It was never a good sign when one found one's self rambling away from their original point. That meant they were getting old.

It made her wonder, for a moment, what that made her.

Principal Flutie was, as always a kind and too caring man, who was just a little too perky to not be slightly creepy. Still, he was, as always, worlds better than Snyder. At least until the mayor turned him into a berserk purple and green scaled monster with tentacles that wanted to go in places that were entirely inappropriate.

The memory was enough to fluster her just as he saw exactly what she'd been expelled for. Especially when it lead to the memory of her experimenting on a variation of the spell with a variety of other men. Spike and Angel tended to be entirely too aggressive. Riley, too tame.

A part of her considered trying it on Xander, at least once.

And then, she was stepping out of the office, timing it just so she let herself be knocked about by a passing group. As she scrambled to pick things up, there he was, moving to help her pick up her things. He had a smile already on his lips as he reached for her things.

"Hey, can I have you?" There was a pause, and she let herself grin softly at the familiar line, before blinking slightly at the sudden wince that rippled across his face.

"Every time... do I have to make that damned freudian slip every time I meet her?" The words were mumbled so softly, that if she hadn't had the experience she did, she would have missed it, before he gave her a half apologetic smile. "Sorry, I meant, can I help you?"

She stared at him for a moment, her eyes widening immediately as she couldn't help but feel a sudden, desperate swell of hope, before she carefully spoke. "... Every time you meet me?"

He blinked, his own eyes widening before quickly freezing his hand on her stake. "Um..."

"Have we met before?" She tilted her head to the side, staring at him with an intensity she usually wore when facing off against various big bads.

"Um? Met? Well, I, um, don't know? I kinda sorta I think, I probably, no, definitely would have remembered meeting a girl like you. Here's your stake by the way." He quickly pushed the stake into the bag without so much as blinking. "I think I'm going to go crawl off into a nice, deep, dark hole in shame. I'll let you make with the whole first day, Buffy."

Then he was up, and practically running.

And she realized something immediately. She hadn't given him her name yet. But he knew her.

He knew her!

Her face firming, she quickly began to walk after him.

-o-o-o-

She hadn't caught him before class, unfortunately, and she'd been reintroduced to Cordelia. It always annoyed her to see the girl this shallow. The viciousness she didn't mind so much, but damned if her being that... short sighted. She missed the girl that actually understood what was going on and was still a vicious bitch.

As soon as Cordelia had turned away, Buffy centered herself, before frowning lightly as she realized exactly where it was Xander was hiding.

She walked purposely into the library, straight past where Rupert Giles was moving as if to speak to her and purposely towards where she felt Xander was hiding. And sure enough, there he was. Trying rather valiantly to blend in with the books by sheer will alone. When he saw her staring at him, his face paled lightly

"Oh, um, hello again hot girl I've never seen before who looks like she's going to hurt me, please don't hurt me?"

"Funny, you certainly seemed to know my name." Her arms crossed about her chest and she gave him a long, pointed look as she lightly tapped her foot.

"Um, lucky guess?" he offered hopefully. "You really look like a Buffy!"

"And that's supposed to make me less inclined to hurt you?" she asked almost rhetorically.

"Errr... please don't make with the Slaying of me? I'm hardly worth the effort!" He nodded his head quickly. "Plain, ordinary guy here!"

"Xander." She stated flatly, still tapping her foot.

"Not to say you'd have anything to do with slaying! I mean, I don't even know why I picked that word! Completely and utterly random choice there!" His eyes were wide, panicked and terrified.

"... Xander Harris, will you stop and use that brain of yours for a second?" Her eye twitched a moment and she scowled at him lightly. "I'm donut girl, not you."

"... Wha-huh?" Xander blinked, then stared at her, his eyes widening. "You know who I am!"

A slight smile curled over her lips and she shook her head. "And it only took you how long to figure this out?"

Instantly, the panic seemed to melt off him, as suddenly Xander's eyes went flat and hard, and a growl left his throat. "Who the hell are you?!"

"Oh, will you stop that?" Buffy waved her hand dismissively. "I've seen your I'll kill you face before." She paused there, before lightly tapping her lower lip and then grimacing. "Lately though, it's only just before you kill me."

That made him blink slightly. "... Wait, kill you?" He paused a moment tilting his head to the side. "I mean, I know I've killed you before, but, what with the huh?"

"Ha! You're in this Groundhog's day thing too!" She crowed triumphantly, before pausing as she frowned back at him. "But, you weren't in it last time."

"... You've been doing this whole looping thing too?" He blinked slightly, and stared at her. "How long?"

"Lost track after the first couple of centuries." She waved her hand dismissively and shrugged her shoulders. "Thankfully it's for a decade or so. I don't even want to think about how boring it would get to live the exact same day over and over again."

"Same here." Xander blinked lightly and stared at her. "Just... woooow. I thought I was in this all by myself."

"Nope." She shrugged her shoulders a bit and glanced around, peeking through the book shelf to see the irritated look on Giles' face. "I think I upset Giles."

"Eh, he'll get over it." He shrugged his shoulders, before glancing nervously at her. "So, um... Wow. Sorry, just taking a second to take all this in. I was going to try to do the whole let things happen like the did first time thing for nostalgia's sake. There goes that idea."

"It's really boring, actually. Take my word for it." She shrugged her shoulders a bit before suddenly grinning at him, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "So, did you try and destroy the world?"

"Um... promise not to Slay me?" He asked hopefully grinning nervously.

"More than once? A dozen? A score?" She asked, probing with a light grin on her face.

"Did you actually use score that way?" Xander's lips twitched and he snickered softly.

"Shush, you and answer the question," she said with a scowl back at him.

"Um... errr... 83?" He shrugged his shoulders with a wince. "Please don't hurt me?"

"... I only tried 58 times." She pouted softly, before perking up. "How many times did you succeed though!?"

"Um... 69?" He scratched the back of his head lightly. "It seemed like a good number to stop at."

"..." Buffy stared at him for a moment, before grumbling softly. "I hate you. You and Angel always spoil my fun."

"..." Xander blinked, then blinked again. "Wait... you're upset with me for destroying the world more times than you?"

"Yup," Buffy said firmly.

"Not with actually destroying the world, but with pulling it off more than you have?" Xander asked for clarification's sake.

"Mhm." There was a pause, before she lightly tapped her lower lip, then her eyes narrowed slightly. "How many times did you sleep with me anyway?"

"Erk!" He paled rapidly at that, before crossing his arms about his chest. "How many times did you sleep with me, missy?"

"Many, many times." There was a pause as she grinned downright lecherously at him.

"Ah," he said before he paused a moment and eyed her warily. "Do I want to know?"

"Stole you from Anya a couple of times." She shrugged her shoulders a bit. "Never really liked her."

"Hey!" Xander frowned lightly. "I know she wasn't the easiest girl to get along with..."

"Xander, she was a tactless, greedy, sociopathic woman who spent a thousand years creating unspeakable torments to inflict on men because of women who felt scorned," Buffy said with a sniff as she crossed her arms about her chest.

"And suddenly, I sooooo don't feel so bad about those times I made you and Faith into my loves slaves and had you put on shows for me." Xander grunted sourly and glared back at her.

Buffy blinked a moment, then tilted her head to the side. "Well, Faith is a really good kisser."

Xander blinked a bit and stared at her for a moment.

"What, you didn't do any experimenting?" She smirked teasingly back at him.

He blushed lightly and scratched the back of his head. "Tried it, once. Really wasn't my thing. Broke Larry's heart."

"Ah, a pity, I would've loved to watch." She grinned back at him, before glancing through the stacks at where Giles was growing visibly irritated. "So, um... I'm going to guess you picked up some skills?"

"Languages and magic mainly." He shrugged his shoulders and grinned slightly. "More wizardry than wiccan though. You don't have to worry about channeling things that want to play with your head."

"Yeah, I once got a bit of succubus stuck in me for years." Buffy nodded her head in understanding. "So, follow my lead on this?"

"I suppose I might be able to." He paused a moment before arching a brow. "What's in it for me though?"

"You'll see, and you won't regret it," she promised solemnly, her eyes shining playfully.

"...I'm going to have to get a new wardrobe, aren't I?" Xander groaned softly. "That's the Summers 'I'm gonna make you my personal dressing doll' look number 3.7."

"3.7?" She paused a moment, before shaking her head. "No, never mind. Come on."

She grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him forcibly up to Giles. "Hi! Do you have a book on the dangers of teenaged pregnancy? My boyfriend here is making some crazy claims about how he should be wearing a condom when we do it."

Giles opened his mouth, and stared back at the innocent smile plastered across Buffy's face, before he looked from her, to Xander and back again. "... I beg your pardon?"

"I totally told him he just has to pull out in time, but he won't believe me." She pouted softly and huffed a bit in visible irritation.

Xander stared at Buffy for a moment, struggling not to gape or burst into laughter as he shook his head and picked up where she left off. "I keep telling her that it's safer with a condom, but she just won't believe me!"

"Those things feel icky!" Buffy whined softly and lightly glared back at Xander. "I just don't feel right when you shove me down and have to fumble around to put one on before you take me. Plus, I mean, come on! I'm not one of those creepy latex fetishists!"

"But, you'd look so good in some nice, tight..." Xander paused a moment, his eyes growing distant as a smile broke across his lips. "Hugging your every curve, outlining every luscious inch of you in such vivid, mouth watering detail..."

Buffy paused, blinked, then tilted her head to the side. "Well, when you put it that way, I'll think about it."

Xander paused a moment and looked her up and down, before nodding his head. "Well, I know even if you don't, I will."

"... I..." Giles stared back at Buffy, then looked at Xander then went back to looking at Buffy.

"So, I like, could really use my school books too, if you don't have the first one," Buffy asked, before pausing, and beaming even more. "Or, you could, like, not and I don't have to deal with classwork."

"I don't think your mom would like that," Xander noted dryly.

"Ah, curses, foiled by the maternal unit," Buffy said as her shoulders slumped lightly, before glancing from Giles to Xander. "I think I broke him. Can I borrow your books for now?"

"Eh, sure." Xander nodded his head. "Shall we leave the Watcher to reset himself?"

"We'll be late for class if we don't."

"Ah, then onward, fair Slayer! Let us venture forth onto Hellmouth High!" Xander gestured magnanimously towards the door.

"Why, thank you sir Knight." She paused, before slapping his ass, making him jump with a yelp. "But I want to enjoy the view, so you first."

"... I am so going to put you over my knee for that, missy." Xander grumbled back as he sent her a light glare.

"If you can, then I might just let you." She smirked back and sent him a wink. "Now, lead on, eye candy."

"The things I put up with." Xander rolled his eyes and none-the-less walked out of the library, followed very closely by Buffy, and leaving a still gaping Giles behind them.

-o-o-o-

"So, I take we're going to meet Willow and Jesse and have Cordelia try to debase you into abandoning us poor social outcasts?" Xander was smirking softly as he looked back at Buffy and arched a brow.

"Yup, I need witnesses to my staking of my territory." Buffy nodded her head in agreement as she purposely looped her arm about Xanders.

"Wait... what?" Xander blinked, then blinked again. "What about, Angel? Or, Riley? Or hell, even Spike?"

"What about them?" Buffy arched a brow slightly back at Xander. "Angel, that whole mess was doomed from the start. Riley has Sam waiting for him. Spike... can't figure out who the hell he wants to be."

"Ok, why me?" He tilted his head to the side. "Besides the whole Viking Sex God aspect."

"That's a plus, but, mmm... Do you know, who's been the only constant in my life when they're alive to be that way?" She shook her head and held him firmly enough that he knew he couldn't just slip away.

"Um, Giles? Willow?" He tilted his head to the side and blinked at her.

"You." She chuckled softly and shook her head. "You just don't give up on people, even when it kills you."

"Eh... After it kills me enough times, I get a bit leery. Do you know how hard it is to get that damned yellow crayon speech right after you've done it over and over again?" Xander shook his head and his lips twisted in disgust. "Hell, first time I destroyed the world, I did it by egging her on instead of trying to stop her."

"I'm tempted to say that doesn't count," Buffy said blandly before shaking her head. "So, how'd you get into magic? I thought that was more Willow's thing?"

"Well, um... you remember that one incident in the Magic Shop where I set that book on fire without even trying?" Xander stared at how she wasn't making any move to release him in the slightest before continuing. "Well, turns out it wasn't just a random fluke. So, years later, here I am. Non-channelly magic guy."

"Huh. Mmm, I never really got much into that. Should I?" Buffy frowned slightly as she glanced back at Xander. "Is there anything else I should be worried about from the spells I learned from Willow other than the whole potential of getting another bit of demony type thing stuck in me again?

"Other than that she was the one to teach you, considering I've never known her to be in any kind of position to be teaching people what she doesn't properly know herself." Xander shrugged a bit and tilted his head to the side. "But, think about it. Channeled magic means just that, you're channeling power from outside of you, through you. And tell me, where are we?"

Buffy blinked, then blinked again as she stared back at him. "Really?"

"Mhm." Xander nodded his head.

"Huh. Guess that explains the whole demon orgy thing that one time," Buffy noted with a shrug of her shoulders. "Go figure."

"Yeah... I once accidentally triggered one of those... with the Sisterhood of Jhe." Xander paused a moment before shuddering lightly. "It was more disturbing than I thought it would be, but it did distract them from their ritual."

"I usually just start throwing parts of them at the others." Buffy shrugged her shoulders and smiled sweetly back at him. "It has a nice impact I think."

"Aaaaaaaand yeah, there we go, I almost forgot you're an engine of destruction wrapped up in a cute little body." Xander chuckled nervously as he glanced back down at her.

"Please, you telling me that you can't do a lot of damage, Mr. Magic-man?" She arched a brow back at him in amusement.

"Um... I plead the fifth with the girl who could rip my arm off if she wanted to and then use it to beat my bait and tackle into a bloody pulp?" Xander shifted again, just slightly nervous as he glanced back at her.

Buffy sighed slightly and gave him a bit of a look. "Xander, you know you can get aggressive with me, right? I'm not going to hurt you for it."

"Still kinda getting used to the whole, hey, there's a Buffy who's around my age here, who's actually interested in me and doesn't mind that I've done incredibly sick and degenerate things." Xander shrugged just a bit and grinned nervously back at her.

"Considering I'm not one to talk about it?" She shrugged and saw Willow sitting for lunch. "But, looks like it's show time. We'll talk about this later."

"Yes, ma'am." Xander bowed his head lightly in agreement, before speaking up. "Heya, Wills."

"Xander! Hey, I-" Willow blinked, and then stared at Xander, and the attractive girl on his arm. "Wha... who...?"

"Sorry, Wills, I seem to have gotten a sudden and vicious case of arm barnacle." Xander ignored the light glare that Buffy sent him as he moved to take a seat next to will. "Buffy, the barnacle, this is Willow, my friend."

"Oh, um, hi..." There was a pause as Willow stared back at Buffy, before biting her lower lip nervously. "You're not going to make me go someplace else or something, are you?"

"Why would I?" Buffy smiled at Willow and perched herself comfortably atop a visibly surprised Xander's lap.

"Um, because that's generally what the, um, girls who look more like you, than they do me, do," Willow responded, before blinking a look of panic flashing through her eyes. "Not to say there's anything wrong with looking like you do! I mean, you look a lot better than me, but obviously we don't really look alike and..."

"Willow." Buffy cut in with an amused smile. "Relax. I'm not going to bite you." She paused a moment, before glancing at Xander. "Him on the other hand..."

"Him says hey!" Xander protested before sighing softly and looking at Buffy. "You're actually seriously going to ruin my dorky class clown rep here."

"Really, Xander, would I do that to you?" Buffy smirked softly back at him as she tilted her head lightly to the side.

"Yes," he agreed without a moment's hesitation.

"Do you two... know each other?" Willow spoke up, glancing hesitantly at Xander as both he and Buffy ignored the flash of hurt and jealousy in her eyes.

"For what feels like most of my life." Buffy nodded her head and glanced back at Xander.

"She scares me," Xander stated simply and nodded her head. "She's absolutely crazy. I mean, burn down the school gym crazy."

"I only did that once," Buffy huffed in irritation. "I mean, how many times did you come up with plans to blow up your school?"

"All I will say to that is... Prove it!" Xander smirked back at her, eyes twinkling lightly.

"That's not fair!" Buffy pouted softly. "I can't do anything like that without sounding like I need to be sent back to the Asylum!"

"I know." Xander nodded his head happily before a light smirk crossed his lips. "Then again, you saying you shouldn't be?"

"I'd rather not," Buffy admitted with a wince. "I was there for a while after that whole quasi possession bit."

"Xander…" Willow's eyes were bugging out of their sockets as she stared at her friend and crush. "... Please tell me she's joking...?"

"Yes, she doesn't really know me, and I never met her before March 10, 1997," Xander agreed with a nod of his head. "But, I figured hey, she's cute, as she takes my lap to a very happy place."

"You are so full of it," Buffy said with a huff of irritation as she leaned back against his chest and crossed her arms across her breasts.

"Am I wrong?" Xander asked challengingly back at her.

She paused a moment, considering his words as she tilted her head to the side. However, just as she was about to speak, an outraged voice cut in.

"What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to ruin your reputation already?!"

Cordelia was glaring from Buffy, to Xander to Willow, back to Buffy, then back to Xander. "What the hell did you do to her, Dweeb-boy!?"

"I was minding my own business when she decided to molest me in the library," Xander said with a completely straight face. "I don't even want to think about the things she's done to me there."

"Awww, don't worry, I'll make it up to you, sweety," Buffy lightly patted one cheek as she gave the other a peck, before glancing back at Cordelia and chuckled softly. "Sorry to disappoint you, but the whole popular girl, rich, snootie clique thing? I soooo out grew that, past where it could even be fashionable to be retro."

She managed to only shudder a little when she suddenly felt Xander's teeth biting down onto the nape of her neck, and not pretending to be gentle. "Mmm... Sorry, but I found what I want, I'm keeping him. So, you can go be jealous somewhere else, preferably where I can sell tickets."

"... Jealous," Cordelia repeated, and stared back at Buffy. "JEALOUS?!"

"Yup, totally jealous," Buffy agreed with a nod before smiling brightly as she glanced over at Willow. "You see it, right?"

Only, Willow was struggling between open mouth bewilderment and an angry, jealous glare of her own.

"See? She totally agrees," Buffy stated with a nod of her head before looking back at Cordelia, "I mean, really, there anyone else in this school with the balls to insult you back to your face?"

Cordelia opened her mouth to respond, then shut it, before scowling at the pair, "How does him being a rude little dweeb have anything to do with me being jealous?"

"Because he really is salty goodness underneath all the cheap clothes," Buffy stated with a smirking nod of her head.

"Xander!" Willow almost squeaked out, her face flushing crimson, "How does she know what you look like under your clothes?!"

"You think that's a yummy thought, you should see him in a speedo," Buffy continued, smiling happily, as she settled back against Xander's chest.

"Dude, you wore a speedo? When?!" Jesse demanded as he appeared behind Cordelia.

"That, and the story of that summer that will not be named will never be repeated," Xander stated flatly, "Ever. No matter how many happy places I'm taken to."

Buffy turned around, and craned her head up, studying his face for a moment, before pouting slightly, "Dammit, he means it."

There was a pause, before she whispered into his ear so only Xander could hear, "Of course, I've already seen it first hand, so…"

It was a testament to Xander's self-control that he neither flushed, nor whimpered at the statement.

"… Who is this chick, Xan?" Jesse asked, staring at his best friend and the girl on his lap.

"I'm Buffy," said the girl cheerfully, "Claimer of this lap in the name of Buffdom."

Xander groaned softly and lightly palmed his face, "Seriously? Wasn't Lady Useless bad enough?"

"Shush, he-who-renounced-spandex," she said as she lightly elbowed him.

Jesse just stared at Buffy, his jaw slightly hanging open, before looking at Xander, "… Is she crazy?"

"Certifiable," Xander stated flatly.

"No more than you are," Buffy said with a light growl as she twisted about and gave him a mild look.

"Hence why I'm going along with it," he said with a light sigh and shake of his head before looking at Willow and Jesse, "So, we Bronzing tonight?"

"I… am so getting out of here before I catch whatever kind of crazy loser-itis you some how infected her with, dweebs," Cordelia stated as she shuddered visibly and stalked off as she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

Three sets of eyes followed the way she wore her miniskirt as she walked away, before two of them turned and looked at each other, one looking incredulously at the bemused other.

"… Did you just…?" Xander stated in disbelief.

"Why not? She fills it out very well," Buffy responded with a grin and a sparkle in her eyes.

Willow glared even more at Buffy, who glanced back at her and arched a brow, "What? It might be hooker wear, but she looks high class call girl in it."

"Hey!" Jesse cut in, now glaring at Buffy too, "She doesn't look like a…"

"She kinda does," Xander noted, getting Jesse's glare moved to him, "What? I'm not going to touch her, I can't afford the price tag attached to her."

"And he doesn't have enough credit yet to ask me for a loan," Buffy added with a sage nod of her head.

"Moving on," Xander said with a soft groan, "Bronze?"

"Works for me," Buffy agreed with a nod.

"What about homework?" Willow asked with a slight frown.

"Done," Xander stated simply.

"… Even math?" Willow asked with a stare.

"Even the maths have fallen before my mighty number 2 pencil," Xander agreed, before sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "After many bouts of reinforcements from the pink eraser."

Buffy bit against the side of his neck with a soft growl only he could hear. In response, reached to the back of her top, and started to pull on the back of her bra strap through it. Freezing, she slowly looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

"Xander, don't you dare," she said warningly.

"I don't know, I dare a lot of things," Xander countered back, suddenly grinning at her.

Jesse and Willow both stared at the two, unable to move, unable to speak. With it, came the macabre fascination akin to watching a car crash as it happened. Somehow, they knew this was going to be bad, but like a crash, they just couldn't seem to look away.

"I will give you an atomic wedgie," Buffy shot back, her eyes narrowed into slits, "You know I can do it."

"I can do the same to you back, missy," he said mock seriously.

Buffy then smirked up at him, "Who said I'm wearing anything for you to give me a wedgie with?"

He blinked at her for a moment, staring, before frowning slightly, "That's cheating."

Jesse's and Willow's jaws dropped as their faces flushed brightly. Jesse looked dazed, while Willow wore a scandalized expression on her face. However, neither was able to make a sound in response.

"Cheating requires there to be rules," she stated back at him with a predatory grin.

"Well, if there are no rules…" Xander stated, then let go of her bra strap with a smirk.

Buffy yelped lightly, more in shock than pain, before glaring at him with narrowed eyes, "Oh, you think you're going to just get away with that?"

In response Xander tilted his head to the side, as if in debate, before looking back at her, suddenly with almost glistening puppy dog eyes, "Pleeeeeeease?"

"…" Buffy just stared at him, torn between incredulous and shocked that he'd even try that look on her.

Though, she had to admit, he was good at it. There was a pause as she looked at it more closely. Really, really good. Even with centuries backing her up, and knowing he was full of it, it was still so very good.

"… How long have you been practicing that?" Buffy demanded suspiciously.

"Long enough that I managed to get it to work on de-souled captains hair gel and peroxide," Xander stated, never once pausing the assault.

"… It shows," she admitted reluctantly.

"Dude…" Jesse stated, "Just… duuuuude."

Xander blinked then looked at Jesse in confusion, "What?"

"You out puppy dog eyed Willow," Jesse stated simply, staring at him, "That is… beyond epic man."

Willow just stared, mouth open.

"Well, obviously my work here is done," Xander stated simply as he picked up a Buffy who looked torn between bemused and annoyed, set her upon her feet then stood, "Now, class awaits!"

"I will get you back for that," Buffy stated simply, grabbing hold of his shirt and pulling him down so he was eye level to her, "Got it, Mister?"

"Whatever you say, Missus," he countered back with a slightly sarcastic smirk.

"Only when you're bad," she stated simply, before suckling lightly on his lower lip and batting her eyes at him coquettishly, "Now, to class?"

"To class," he agreed with a nod of his head.

Behind them, Jesse and Willow just stared.

-o-o-o-

"Dude, check her out," Jesse stated as he nudged Xander in the side and then nodded out onto the dance floor of the Bronze.

Turning his head, Xander followed Jesse's look, and then felt like palming his face as he saw who the boy was indicating. Darla, smiling with that sultry, inviting half smile she did so well. Dressed as an oh-so-very-naughty looking school girl just waiting to do thing that…

Xander shook his head as his brain veered off towards the most decidedly naughty direction the thoughts led him towards. As good as she was, and really, the former whore was most definitely good, she wasn't worth it. Well, not worth it without some major compulsions, geases and bindings slapped on her.

Then his eyes caught a bemused looking Buffy. And totally not worth it when he had a petite little Slayer who had decided to claim him as her boyfriend.

"She looks like trouble," Xander stated neutrally as he glanced at his friend, "I wouldn't advise it."

"Come on, dude, look at her!" Jesse responded and nodded to her again, "She's totally…"

"Jess?" Xander responded as he gave his friend a look, "On this one? Trust me. Trouble."

"If that's true, it's my kinda trouble," Jesse countered back.

"I thought you had your sights set on the Cordelia?" Xander shot back.

"I…" Jesse paused, and then frowned, before grinning sheepishly back at Xander, "Well, I… Um…"

"Now, you boys wouldn't be huddled over here, talking about little ole me would you?" a breathy voice asked as Darla seemed to suddenly appear next to their table, her eyes smoldering.

"Oh, ah, hi!" Jesse responded simply, tripping over his own tongue as he did his best to keep from having his eyes dip down towards her chest, "I'm, ah, err, Jesse. And this is…"

"Taken," Xander supplied smoothly, "And my girlfriend? She doesn't like me playing with others without her around."

"Oh, then shouldn't we go find her and invite her along, hmmm?" Darla countered back and smiled as she placed a hand on her cocked hip and smiled back at him challengingly. "Sometimes, the more, the merrier."

Jesse stared from Xander to Darla, his jaw dropping, before a flash of jealousy could be seen in his eyes.

"Sometimes," Xander agreed with a nod as he sipped his drink for a moment, before studying her and tilting his head to the side, "Mmm, hey, Jess? Why don't you get Darla here a drink?"

"Ah… Xan?" Jesse started to say, confusion written on his face only to have his best friend give him a look that told him that he should make tracks, now. "Right… And maybe I could see if Cordelia's interested in a dance now."

"Good idea," Xander agreed as his friend quickly departed as he watched the way Darla's eyes had started to narrow.

"Now, that's interesting, I don't believe I introduced myself," Darla leaned forward, her fingers starting to play with his shirt, "And yet, Xander, here you are knowing my name."

Xander calmly sipped his drink again then shrugged, "What can I say? You are rather famous."

She froze for a moment, before smiling almost angelically back at him, "Who, little ole me? Famous?"

"Mhm," Xander agreed before tilting his head to the side, "I'd tell you that you should let Heinie know he's in trouble, but I don't think you'll be getting back down to his Nest."

Her hand went to his throat then, cold and strong as it started to squeeze while her eyes flashed yellow, "Who are you?!"

Only he calmly made a gesture, and she felt her whole body suddenly fall into his, as she suddenly couldn't even kept up the strength to stand, "Oh, look, here's my girlfriend."

And there was a bemused looking Buffy right behind Darla, her eyes having gone from narrowed and angry to amused in a heartbeat, "Xander. Did you get me a present?"

"… Maybe?" Xander stated vaguely as he looked around then chuckled, "Darla here was inviting you along for a bit of fun."

"She was, was she?" Buffy stated as she casually lifted up Darla's chin, looking over the helpless vampire critically, "Mmm, really, naughty school girl? I forgot how blunt she can be at times."

"Very true," Xander agreed with a nod, "But she is very good."

Buffy chuckled softly as she leaned in and spoke in a throaty whisper only Xander and Darla could hear, "I know."

"And that takes my mind to all kinds of naughty and oh my places," Xander quickly stated, his eye brows raising up before looking back at the still helpless Darla, "So, pet or dust?"

"I don't know, she is a bit feral," Buffy stated as she lightly tapped her lower lip in thought, "She'd need to be house trained."

"I've got plenty of practice," Xander stated simply, "Besides, Darla's easy. Dru's the tricky one."

"Dru did teach Spike some very good tricks though," Buffy pointed out and she then glanced at Darla, "Though, I don't think she ever really taught Angelus much. Guess she was too used to giving rather than receiving."

Though she couldn't show it, Darla was in a blind panic at the two seemingly human teens casually discussing things that they shouldn't possibly be able to know about. But, they somehow did.

"Well, that implies amusing bit of potential ha, ha for me to inflict upon Angel," Xander noted dryly and then rubbed his chin. "You know, I wonder how black mail material on them she has rumbling around her head."

"Plenty," Buffy stated with an innocent grin.

"… And you know a bunch of it don't you," Xander accused.

"You can always try… interrogating me for them instead," Buffy stated with a sweet, wicked purr to her voice.

"Evil woman," Xander muttered a bit, "And this from the guy who used to date Anya."

"Yup," Buffy agreed as she leaned in and gave him a kiss over Darla's limp body, "And now you're mine."

"So, little miss Scourge here?" Xander asked curiously.

"Impress me," Buffy stated with a smirk.

"Oooh, a challenge, hmm?" Xander stated with a quick nod of his head. "Sounds fun. What do I get when I do?"

"I'll leave that to your imagination," Buffy stated with a wink, before sighing softly, "And, as much as I hate to cut this short, I have to go save Willow and Jesse."

"Ahhh, introducing them to the whole night life thing?" Xander agreed with a nod, "I'll get this little darling here some place safe, and I'll let you know when you're free."

"Have fun," Buffy stated simply as she wiggled her fingers in Darla's direction, "I'll see if I can mug some vampires before I make them go fufu."

Xander stared at her for a moment, before, he couldn't help but ask, "Dust bunnies?"

"Yup!" Buffy said while beaming at him and then practically skipping towards the exit.

Xander watched her go for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face before he looked down at Darla, "Yes, we're that insane. And if you thought the Master was bad…"

There was a pause, as his grin suddenly seemed to grow inhumanly wide before her, as his eyes flashed an eerie, toxic green, "You haven't seen anything yet, little pretty."

Darla had a feeling that if she were still human, and in any form of control of her body, she'd be needing a fresh pair of panties at that.

-o-o-o-

Buffy smile cheerfully as she practically bounced into the library the next day, to find a stern looking Giles standing next to a still shell shocked looking Willow and Jesse. "Why, hello there, Mr. Random-Tweedy-Librarian-type person! Is there something you wanted?"

"… Why is it that I have a sneaking suspicion that you know exactly who and what I am, Ms. Summers?" Giles asked as he removed his glasses and began to carefully polish them.

"I think ole Ripper has you there, Buff." Xander stated as he made his presence known from the stacks, drawing a sharp, stiffened look from Giles and a pair of startled looks from Willow and Jesse.

"Xander!" Willow let out a squeak. "We-! Last night! There were…! And there was! We almost!"

"Helps to breath and complete sentences, Wills," Xander noted with a nod of his head as he leaned against the stacks. "I hope that the whole 'the world is older than you know,' speech has already been given?"

"Who are you?" Giles demanded, his eyes narrowed into slits.

"He's my boyfriend," Buffy stated simply with a sly grin. "Weren't you paying attention to us last time?"

"I think he was a bit busy trying to keep from having his brain jump out of his skull and run away screaming," Xander noted with a grin.

Giles' eyes were flat, dangerous, and very angry.

"Wow," Buffy observed in awe. "You really managed to get him to that level in just a few words?"

"It's an art," Xander said modestly. "Though, the whole protection thing probably helps."

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" Giles demanded.

"I'm the Slayer," Buffy stated slowly as if speaking to a small child before pointing to Willow and Jesse. "I slayed the vampires trying to make happy meals out of them. They came here looking for answers. He's my boyfriend who already knew about them."

"You already knew, dude?!" Jesse demanded as he looked at Xander.

"Um, yes?" Xander agreed with a nod of his head. "Hence why I was trying to tell you to stay away from the vampire in the school girl outfit?"

"… She was a vampire?!" Jesse demanded, his eyes as wide as saucers.

"Yup," Xander stated with a nod. "The Master's favorite in fact."

"I thought we were trying to make with the breaking of the brain type organs?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Eh," Xander shrugged a bit and waffled his hand to the side and grinned sheepishly. "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Not to mention, now they're gonna want to know how you know that stuff," Buffy pointed out next.

"Ah, right," Xander nodded his head thoughtfully before looking speculatively at the others.

"… You wouldn't be wanting to pull a… W-lethe bramble special, would you?" Buffy started as she looked back at him.

"… Maybe, just a little bit?" Xander stated guiltily as he squeezed his fingers together. "Only, doing it right?"

Buffy crossed her arms about her chest and gave him a look.

Xander's shoulder's slumped and he sighed. "Fine. The truth it is."

Buffy froze for a moment then quickly spoke, "So, do you need me to hold them down or something or can you just wave your hand and poof?"

He just stared back at her for a moment.

"What? How do you think she and he," Buffy stated as she pointed first at Willow then at Giles, "will handle it?"

The two individuals in question blinked at them both in confusion.

"Let's find out," Xander stated simply before looking at the pair of them, "Buffy and I are stuck in a time loop. Well, usually time loops, in that this is the first time we've been in it together."

"Xander, time loops can't happen," Willow stated authoritatively. "It would require the suspension of the laws of physics, not to mention…"

Giles, however started polishing his glasses again before looking from a sheepishly smiling Buffy to an unrepentant Xander. "… How long is this loop and what proof do you have?"

"A good decade or so for me." Xander stated before looking at Buffy for confirmation.

"About the same, yes." Buffy agreed with a nod. "And, Eyghon, Randall, Thomas, Deirdre, Phillip, Ethan."

"Of course, there's the bit of guitar playing and, heh, your claims of being a founding member of Pink Floyd." Xander added with a nod and a grin.

Giles stared at them both for a moment and then took a seat, visibly unsettled. "… How old are you?"

"I'm pretty sure I've passed a millennium," Xander admitted before looking at Buffy and arching a brow.

"Don't you know, you never ask a woman her age?" Buffy challenged back with a huff.

"Mr. Giles…" Willow started to protest.

"Wills?" Jesse cut in quietly. "We saw people try to turn into monsters, drink our blood and then vanish into dust when stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake. Does that fit in the laws of physics?"

Willow opened her mouth to respond, then shut it as she stared back at Jesse. "… Then Xander…?"

"Is still right here," Xander noted with a shrug of his shoulders. "Really, I'm the same basic Xander shape, just with more mileage up top and a few extra bells and whistles added on."

"Same salty goodness, just with extra creamy center." Buffy agreed with a nod.

Willow went beet red at that comment and let out startled "eep!"

"And, again, I shall claim him, in the name of Buffdom!" Buffy declared firmly as she gave Xander a look.

"Xanderia is still it's on sovereign nation, thank you very much." Xander shot back. "We are simply willing to open negotiations for an appropriate alliance with Buffdom."

"And hostile takeovers…?" Buffy put out with a challenging arch of a brow.

"Shall be firmly rebuffed." Xander stated with his arms crossed about his chest.

Buffy looked at him for a moment, before tapping her chin thoughtfully then nodding her head. "Ok! Then, how about hostile take overs of Buffdom by Xanderia?"

"… We shall readdress that issue when we are not in such a happy place by the thought of it." Xander said with a firm nod of his head.

Willow's mouth worked hard to form words as she stared back at them both.

"So, dude," Jesse spoke up as Xander and Buffy stared at each other challengingly. "You know what all happens…"

"No, you don't ever end up with Cordelia without something like a love spell. No, I do not advise you to try it. They backfire, badly." Xander stated simply.

"Oooh!" Buffy suddenly grinned wickedly at Xander. "Rain coat."

Xander froze for a moment before looking at Buffy and pointing a finger at her. "Evil! Evil temptress!"

"Teenage hormones, without the crippling self-doubt and self-confidence issues to go with." Buffy stated simply.

Giles groaned audibly. "Then what exactly is it the two of you plan to do, beyond layer upon seemingly endless innuendo?"

"You know… I'm not sure," Xander stated with a frown as he lightly tapped his chin. "I mean, I know she plans to use me for her pleasure…"

"No, I plan to have you use me for both our pleasures," Buffy corrected with a slight smirk and a shrug. "Beyond that? I plan to spend the time getting to know him. Swap stories, have fun…"

"I do hope there is at least some plan to keep the gates of hell closed?" Giles asked. "Or would that be too much to ask for?"

"It normally would," Buffy stated flatly. "I've been the Slayer for longer than you really want to contemplate. I know more about the Slayer line and what we can do than anyone."

Xander coughed politely.

"Anyone except possibly Xander," Buffy corrected as Xander nodded his head and waved her to continue as she walked to a specific portion of the library both of them knew well. "But, here, I'll give you something you want to know. This is the Hellmouth."

"Yes, I'm quite aware that Sunnydale is located on La Boca Del Infierno," Giles stated as he polished his glasses. "While I haven't been exactly been able to locate it…"

Xander's snickering made him frown as he looked first at the "boy" then at Buffy.

"Nuh uh," Buffy stated simply as she pointedly tapped her foot and pointed down. "This is the Hellmouth."

Giles blinked, paused his polishing and looked down at where she was pointing. Then, he immediately paled and began to polish his glasses furiously. "Oh… dear. You… you're quite sure?"

"Multi-headed gatekeeper exploding out of the floor whenever it's opened kinda gives it away." Buffy stated simply. "Just make sure you have almonds on hand just in case. A lot of almonds."

"Almonds?" Xander suddenly cut in, looking at her with a frown. "I usually use Sushi."

"It likes cinnamon almonds more, plus, have you ever tried to keep sushi on hand?" Buffy countered back. "It goes bad way too quickly."

"… Actually, that seemed to make them like it even more," Xander stated simply.

"Yes, but then I have to get the smell out and ew that smell takes forever to get out." Buffy's face twisted into digust. "Sooo much better to use the almonds."

"It also doubles as Snyder repellant," Xander added with a smirk.

"But suddenly, it becomes much more appealing!" Buffy stated brightly.

"Can we please stay on topic?" Giles stated with no small hint of exasperation.

"The Harvest is coming," Buffy stated simply. "The Master is going to use it to try and escape. We'll stop him."

"Oooooh, experiment time!" Xander stated suddenly. "I hadn't gotten around to seeing what I could do with that nifty little link they set up."

"Why don't we leave them to digesting through all of that? We can head to class," Buffy stated as she took hold of Xander's arm and gave him a tug.

"Sure," Xander agreed, before suddenly grinning just a bit as he lightly pushed her in front of him. "But this time, it's my turn for the eye candy."

"We'll see." Buffy stated sultrily, but none-the-less strutted in front of him with an enticing wiggle.

"I am."

Giles, Willow and Jesse all stared.

"… I have no idea how I should feel about this," Jesse stated honestly.

"Worried." Giles stated simply. "Very worried."

-o-o-o-

"We're really messed up, aren't we?" Xander asked almost conversationally as he moved up next to Buffy when they had exited the library.

"Very," Buffy admitted quietly with a nod of her head. "I really had to think twice about letting you just wipe their memories. Then I had to make myself tell you not to."

"I was kind of hoping you would," Xander agreed with a nod of his head. "I just… It's so hard to treat them like they're real people."

"I know," Buffy admitted with a slightly quite voice. "If I'm honest with myself, I probably don't. When this ends, they'll just go back to being like… that."

"Ayup," Xander agreed with a nod and looked at Buffy, "That why you're so dead set on trying to get me to be your boyfriend? Because I'm more 'real' to you?"

"That, and you're Xander," Buffy stated simply and quietly, "What's more, you might just be my Xander."

"I don't know if you'd want me to be," Xander stated simply with a grimace. "I made some really stupid mistakes."

"Well, I already know about the love spell." Buffy stated with a smirk.

"… I helped bring you back," he stated simply as he looked back at her and arched a brow.

"And left Anya at the aisle?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Even managed to lose my eye to Caleb." He agreed.

"Became Dracula's buttmonkey then started dating my sister." She pointed out with a smirk.

"Satsu." He countered back.

"She's very good in bed. Very flexible." Buffy said.

"And we're getting off track." He said quickly with a shake of his head. "… I'm Xander Harris. Rootborn. Butcher of the Clans. The Rider. The blood letter. Scourgebane. The Pyre of Humanity and the Master of the Judge. As I walk, behind me an ocean of blood spreads out beyond the horizon."

Buffy just looked at him for a moment, her expression flat and unimpressed. "Really, Xander? Really? Have you been letting Spike write your introductions?"

Xander paused a moment, before holding up his finger and thumb a slight distance apart.

"Figures," Buffy stated simply. "How long is the list?"

Wordlessly, Xander pulled out a notebook from somewhere she couldn't see, then handed it to her. It was a thick, spiral bound thing, at least 300 pages. Then, he pulled out another one. Then another one. When he reached for another, she held up her hand.

"Hold it. Have you collected every title you've gotten?" Buffy asked, staring back at him.

"They're annotated and explained?" Xander offered up.

"… How many of these things do you have?" Buffy demanded as she looked at him.

"Only 1 shelf's worth, really!" Xander said with a helpless shrug.

"I can get what most of those mean, except the first. Rootborn?" she asked, curious in spite of her incredulity.

"… I spent some loops tracking down Yggdrasil." He said as he looked away. "Then I may have… pulled an Odin."

"Pulled an Odin," Buffy repeated as she tried to remember exactly what that could mean. "Make with the splainy."

"I plead the fifth?"

"Nuh uh. Splainy. Now."

"It may, just kinda, possibly, have involved a bit of… ah… well… using the roots as a ligature?"

She looked at him for a long moment as she worked through the words and then stared back at him. "… you strangled yourself."

"Hung myself, is a better description. And it was only for 9 days." Xander stated quickly as he held up his hands. "I mean, totally safe."

"… How is hanging yourself totally safe, let alone for 9 days?!" Buffy demanded as she smacked his arm firmly.

"Ooooow!" Xander winced, already feeling the bruise forming. "If I died I was just going to wake back up at the start?"

Buffy sighed and slumped her shoulders and gave him a look. "Why are you being all… Xander-ish then?"

"I don't know, why you are being so…" he paused a moment, as if pondering. "Well, other than the whole wanting to do wicked things to the Xan-man, Buffy-ish?"

"You know what I mean." She said flatly.

"Do I?" He asked tilting his head to the side and lightly tapping his chin in thought.

"Yes, you do."

He sighed and shrugged. "This is me, Buffy. This is who I like being, who I'm comfortable being. I like being Xander. Do I have to be him? No. But, generally most people don't really like it when I stop."

"How much don't like?" she asked curiously.

"Screaming in terror and violent, ignominious deaths," he stated with a shrug and then looked thoughtful. "Or, dying violent ignominious deaths and having their souls scream in terror afterwards. It gets mixed up at times."

"I tend to just rip out their spines," Buffy admitted. "Lots a things can keep living without a head, but anything with a spine tends to be at least really inconvenienced without it."

"So, enough about me, what's there to know about you and how you stay so Buffy-esque?" Xander asked smoothly as he pointedly shelved away the spine comment.

"Buffy is Buffy is Buffy." She stated sagely with a nod. "Which is handy since I'm Buffy. I am The Slayer."

"Capital 'T'?" he asked curiously.

"Oh yeah." She agreed with a happy grin. "Sineya's got nothing on me." There was a pause before she reluctantly continued. "Though, I seriously get the rags, do you know how many clothes I go through when I get a serious Slay on?"

"She does clean up nice though."

Buffy just looked at him.

"What? Whole enjoining spell thing. She tried to be all 'rawr, you don't belong' and decided to show her that in my head and in my soul, I'm no body's bitch anymore." He stated simply.

"Even Dracula?" Buffy countered back with a mused quirk of her brow.

"… That reminds me." Xander stated as he frowned and his eyes narrowed. "I need to recreate Vampire Killer."

"… What?" Buffy asked as she looked at Xander.

"Alchemical whip. Does nasty, nasty things to vampires and other demons." Xander stated distractedly. "Kinda a bitch to create though. Would you be horribly upset if I convinced Angel to kill himself to empower it?"

"Wait. What? Make with the sense." Buffy demanded.

"Well, shockingly enough, a weapon of truly awesome power needs sacrifices to be made. Screwily enough, they completely and totally nailed how to complete Vampire Killer in the game."

"Wait. Video game?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Castlevania." Xander agreed with a cheerful nod.

"… You created a weapon based on something from a video game." She repeated as she just gave him a look. "You are such a dork."

"Hey, a cool weapon is a cool weapon!" Xander stated with a huff. "It just needs a willingly sacrificed soul tainted by 'darkness.' Angel totally fits that bill!"

"… How cool we talking here?" Buffy asked as she looked at him thoughtfully.

"Vampires dust on contact, it can be used to channel elements, has an affinity for turning into a chain whip," Xander started to say as he listed off the various abilities of the weapon. "You can customize it in just about any way to best suit your style."

"Complete and total dork." Buffy agreed with a nod and a small grin.

"But, a dork who makes cool toys." He reminded her.

She laughed lightly and pulled him into class.

-o-o-o-

Darla paced about the mansion she'd found herself dragged off to for what seemed like the umpteenth time.

Walking like a puppet on strings at the beck and whim of the not-boy who was involved with the Slayer had been… frustrating. More than frustrating, it had been infuriating, it had been terrifying and it had been not in the slightest bit illuminating. Whoever, whatever he was, he was powerful.

She'd already tried to escape when she'd finally been able to move of her own volition, only to find every door, window and wall somehow repelled her.

Now, she was dirty, tired, hungry and more than a little frustrated.

"God dammit! Why don't you just stake me already and put me out of my misery!?"

"Nah, not as much fun," Xander's voice noted as he stepped through one of the walls, followed by the blonde slayer.

"I thought you were going to impress me, Xander?" Buffy asked curiously as she looked over Darla critically. "Not very impressive."

"Well, I figured you'd want to see the show," Xander stated as he grinned back at her.

Darla growled as her features deformed, though she made no move to lunge towards the pair.

"I see she already learned she's at least not on the top of the food chain here." Buffy noted before smiling bemusedly at the vampire. "Hello. I'm Buffy. Yes, I'm The Slayer. Piss me off and I'll pull out your fangs, drive them into your eyes, before I rip out your spine, sodomize you with it then feed you enough blood for you to heal well enough for me to start getting creative. Kay?"

"… Wouldn't that just dust me ?" Darla couldn't help but ask as she stared at the petite little girl who had promised a rather impressive bit of violence.

"Magic is a wonderful, wonderful thing." Buffy said beatifically.

Darla's features returned to her human guise and she quickly held up her hands in surrender.

"See? I told you she could be taught!" Xander stated cheerfully as he then looked at his watch. "Hmm, and plenty of time before we go to the Bronze and I get to use Lukey-Loo as a test subject! The Harvest is such a wonderful time of year, don't you think?"

She stared at him dumbly, mouth hanging slightly open.

"Ah, I sometimes forget the simple pleasures of things," Xander stated with a long drawn out sigh and a shake of his head. "Anyway. The Good news! I have no plans to dust you currently!"

"… And the bad news?" Darla asked warily.

"She asked me to impress her with what I could do with you." Xander stated cheerfully as he turned his thumb towards Buffy, who waved cheerfully back at her.

"… This is going to hurt, isn't it." Darla asked rhetorically with a dull stare back at him.

"Probably!" Xander admitted cheerfully as he cracked his knuckles. "Now, come along little pet, we have so much to do in such a limited amount of time!"

Taking a moment to look from Xander to the still perkily smiling Slayer, Darla hung her head and obediently followed him to the basement.

-o-o-o-

Buffy blinked, then blinked again at the numerous jars, vials and boxes that lined the basement walls and then turned and arched a brow at Xander. "… How did you get all this…? It's only been a little over 24 hours."

"I figured out pretty quickly exactly where to look to find the ingredients I wanted." Xander stated as he hummed a bit and lightly selected a jar of glowing green, vicious fluid and then carefully measured out a precise amount and added it to a mortar.

"Oooh, Mohra blood," Buffy noted, and nodded her head thoughtfully. "Though, without a soul to block out the demonic influence…"

"Mmhmm." Xander agreed with a nod in her general direction, before pulling out a vial of a sticky, blood red substance, along with what looked like crimson cherry petals and placing a particular number of petals, and a certain amount of drops of the substance into the mortar with the blood and beginning to grind the three items together with a pestle.

"Huh, what's that stuff?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Japanese blood drinking cherry tree youkai sap and petals," Xander stated simply before moving to start to collect a few other things.

"Weird." Buffy noted simply before settling back and letting Xander work.

"You can keep asking about what I'm doing." Xander stated as he continued to work the pestle. "I can keep up a conversation while I'm doing this."

"Didn't want to presume or distract you." She stated seriously. "Wasn't sure how much you had to focus."

"I'd have told you if I needed to." Xander stated simply. "Though, if I ever do. I really need that focus."

"Gotcha, if Xander tells me to be quiet, does he prefer me to use Duct tape, a ball gag, or my panties?" She asked with an entirely too innocent smile.

"I thought you didn't wear panties?" Xander asked as he had the three substances mixed together into a brown sludge like paste.

"A girl has to have her secrets." She said with another smile.

"Right." He chuckled a bit as he nodded. "And with those lovely thoughts driving me on, how can I help but make something less than shiiiiiny?"

The way he drew out that last word made Buffy smile as she watched him work. He added in a variety of different ingredients, in precise, instinctive amounts. When he finished, the mortar was filled with a dark, glistening black substance that resembled ink.

"And now we get to the tricky part!" Xander declared as he almost skipped over to where Darla had been warily curled up, naked on a portion of the stone floor. "Try not to squirm, Darla, dear. Wouldn't want to do something that would leave you horribly mutated into a quivering mound of immortal flesh, trapped in an eternity of suffering and anguish from which you can never escape."

She just stared back at him.

He grinned and took out a long bristled brush and began to write long, sharp runes into the floor around her. The instant the ink made contact with the concrete, it began to hiss, bubble and steam, as if eating into the floor itself. Then he brought the runic design up towards her skin.

"Wait, can't we talk about this?" She asked as she found herself surrounded by smoking, bubbling runes.

"Oh, relax," Xander said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "The nerves will be dead before they can even transmit the pain."

"I really don't like this!" Darla declared in an almost squeaking voice as the brush was moved to her soft, naked skin.

And she had to admit, he was right. All she could feel was a creeping chill. A numbing cold that swept up her body everywhere he would lay out those runes.

"Now, just a little more…" He stated and she could feel it, spreading inch by inch around her throat.

When it completed the full circle, he nodded his head and smirked at Darla. "There we go. Now, that wasn't too bad, was it?"

Darla found that she couldn't really even move her head, as if her neck and throat were completely immobile.

"Oh, before I forget, this next part?" He stated simply and just smiled at her as he held up a glowing finger. "This, is going to Hurt."

And when he touched a particular rune on the circle, her world exploded in pain like she never imagined before.

She didn't know how long it lasted, her world was caught up in a twisting loop of heat and cold, her skin feeling like it melted then suddenly stretched tight. Her very bones ached and she could feel the way her veins somehow pumped more of that burning venom through her body.

Then, finally it seemed to ebb, then, died off as she was left panting, sweating and whimpering as the cold started to seep into her naked flesh.

And it was then that she realized something was very… off.

Finally, she opened her mouth and a sound escaped.

"Nya?"

Buffy stared. Her mouth was half opened in shock, before it shut and she looked at Xander. "… Cat girl with two tails?"

"Nekomata girl." Xander corrected with a smug smirk on his lips. "Japanese Youkai with powers over the dead. Think the necromancers of cat creatures."

"… So, wait…" Buffy stated with a frown. "You're saying that she can what, raise undead?"

"Raise, control," he stated with a shrug, "make them dance and also able to summon a degree of fire."

"She's so… so…." Buffy stared at Darla for a moment, before grinning back at Xander, "She's such a pretty kitty!"

And then she was there, next to Darla, and she barely had time to react before she could feel Buffy scratching at… Ooooh, she didn't care what that was, as long as the Slayer kept scratching her right there. Unbidden, Darla began to purr as she pressed back into Buffy's hand.

"Yes, she's a very pretty kitty? Who's a pretty kitty? Yes, you are!" Buffy gushed for a moment, before freezing as she would hear the slight snerk of Xander holding back laughter. "What? I'm allowed to be a girl!"

"And I would never think of denying you your girlishly girliness." Xander agreed.

"Good!" Buffy stated with a firm nod of her head. "So, what's keeping her from running off or causing a bunch of trouble?"

"Really, Buff, do you think I'd get us a pet without all her shots, house training, tags and collar?" He asked as he pointed towards the runic collar design wrapped about Darla's throat.

"Eeeeeeexcellent," Buffy stated with a grin, "Ok, Xander, color me impressed."

"I try." He agreed with a nod and a grin. "And, she can even be taken out for walks! She probably even has a pulse!"

"… Really, really outdone yourself," Buffy agreed with a nod of her head. "Sympathetic components of the ink to fuel and guide the runes?"

"Yup, among some other nifty little tricks I've picked up." Xander affirmed with a nod. "Do you want to keep playing with the kitty or, shall we go stop the Harvest?"

"Tempting." She admitted as she glanced at the purring cat girl. "But, I wanted to see what you were thinking about doing to Lucky."

"If nothing else, it should be amusing," Xander agreed with a nod of his head. "So, say good bye to the kitty, we'll come back to play with her again soon enough."

Buffy just smirked back at him. "I'm looking forward to finding out what else you can do."

"You know, I think so am I." Xander noted before whistling as the pair left Darla in the basement to come out of her daze and come to terms with what had happened to her.

-o-o-o-

"So, just to satisfy my curiosity," Buffy asked as she appeared behind a startled Angel, causing the dark haired vampire to jump slightly, "are you planning to do anything?"

"Now, come on, Buff," Xander spoke up, causing Angel to jump again as he appeared to the Angel's side. "You already know the answer to that."

"Well, true enough." Buffy admitted with a slightly theatrical sigh and a nod of her head.

"Tonight is…" Angel started to say as he recovered his wits.

"The Harvest, we know." Buffy agreed as she rolled her shoulders with a shrug. "We were planning on giving a hearty 'hey there' to ole Lukey since he's playing vessel."

"What we, or, at least I wanted to discuss with you is something else entirely." Xander stated as he reached up and slung an arm across a visibly uncomfortable Angel's shoulders. "You see, I have a project that you, my soul cursed friend, are absolutely perfect for."

Angel froze as his mind finished parsing what the boy had just said, "What…!"

"The whole gypsy curse that gave you a soul?" Xander offered up with a shrug of his shoulder. "Come on, you're the only vampire currently out there that has one. Such a unique situation! A wonderful possibility!"

"You see, Xander here," Buffy stated as she gestured to Xander, "my boyfriend, has a great idea for an alchemical weapon. The problem being, it requires a very particular reagent."

"And you, my tormented friend can supply that regeant." Xander said cheerfully.

"… You want to sacrifice me, don't you." Angel stated as he glared at Xander.

"No, I want you to sacrifice yourself willingly." Xander corrected. "The alchemical weapon needs a willing sacrifice of a demonically tainted soul."

"Won't you please help us?" Buffy asked, batting her eye lashes at Angel.

"… I think I'd rather not." Angel stated as he lightly pulled away from Xander.

"Meh, ah well." Xander said with a theatrical sigh and a shrug of his shoulders. "Shall we go see what trouble we can cause for Heinie?"

"… That's it, you're just giving up?" Buffy asked with arched brow.

"It has to be a willing sacrifice." He reminded her. "I mean, we both know that it would be doing more good for the world than the last century he spent wallowing in self pity, letting people get murdered and butchered in front of him without doing anything. And it would mean that he wouldn't have to worry about when the curse gets broken and Angelus takes over again. But it's his choice."

"Fu. Stupid curse escape clauses," Buffy muttered sourly and huffed. "Fine, we'll leave him to skulk about uselessly while we fix the issue he could've helped with."

"It's for the best." Xander stated as he patted Buffy's shoulder consolingly. "Using an unwilling sacrifice would be… bad."

"I know." She agreed with a huff. "Doesn't mean I have to like it. Come on. I feel the need to do something particularly violent and destructive."

"Whatever m'lady D'Buff requires." Xander agreed with a sweeping bow before following the irritated blonde towards the front door and the vampires guarding it.

Angel just stared.

Buffy was stalking towards the door with an inhuman grace that made Xander want to whistle in appreciation. When one of the vampires tried to stop her, starting in with an explanation that the club was closed, she shot out a spear hand thrust straight into his chest. When her fist exited his back, holding a pulped mix of heart and spine, she threw him into one of his companions hard enough that he knocked them over just before exploding into dust.

She was already on the move before they could react. Spear hand thrusts broke through rib cages and throats faster than they could blink. Soon, there was only one left, a single vampire backed up against the door, staring at Buffy in absolute terror.

Her boot crushed his chest back into his spine and sent the door crashing back into the vampires inside the Bronze who had been positioned behind it.

Stepping onto the door just as the vampire she'd kicked exploded Buffy took a moment to look around the Bronze and the various individuals staring at her in both confusion, surprise and for a few hope and fear.

"Who dares?!" Standing on the stage, holding up a limp body, blood dripping from its throat, a male vampire marked on his forehead stared angrily towards Buffy.

Buffy in turn snorted softly as she then brought her heel down to completely pulverize the head of the vampire beneath the door, turning him to dust and causing the door to drop down with a whump. "Spare me the speeches, Ugly, my boyfriend want you for an experiment. I'm going to supply you. Everyone who doesn't want to get involved…"

She stepped off the door and jerked her thumb at the open doorway. "Exit's right here."

'Ugly' growled as he glared back at Buffy before gesturing towards her. "Kill her! Stop the blood bags from escaping! The Harvest must be completed!"

While the vampires focused on Buffy, Xander slipped casually along the edges of the panicked crowd trying to run towards the doors. None of the people seemed to notice the soft, almost sensation they felt when they crashed against his body. Instead of being thrown about, every collision instead seemed to flow off of him, like water off of a duck's back.

When he reached the stage, Buffy had already slaughtered almost every single one of the remaining vampires, standing fearfully between Buffy and her target, their eyes flicking between the two individuals.

"What're you waiting for, you cowards!" he demanded, before dropping down off of the stage and growling. "Fine, I'll deal with her myself!"

"Then I suppose you won't be needing these two." Xander said, alerting them to his presence just in time for a pair of pencils drive through the two other vampires' hearts, making them explode into dust. "Which is good, I can't let her have all the fun."

"I am the vessel of the Master's power! Am the herald of his rebirth!"

"Eesh, talk about ego," Buffy noted as she rolled her eyes a bit. "Hello, take a look around you, Lukey-boy. It's just you now. All your little playmates have either run off or totally gone the way of the dust bunny."

"I do need him mostly intact for this, just so you know, Buff." Xander noted as he stepped to the side. "So, please, no ripping out his spine or stomping his head to ash."

"How about kicking him so hard between his legs I pulverize his naughty bits and shatter his pelvis?" She asked with an innocent smile.

Both Xander and Luke winced in unison, legs pressing tightly together before Xander responded. "I would prefer you not make casual talk of gross male dismemberment. And I can't think of any guy currently I would wish that upon."

While Luke gave Xander a thankful nod, Buffy pouted and asked. "What about Parker?"

"I have the Parker special for him." Xander stated simply. "Turn him into a girl who is as easy as he wants all girls to be."

Luke stared at Xander at the comment.

"Serial womanizer. Sleeps with a girl, dumps her the next day and goes for another one." Xander explained.

"Ah," Luke nodded his head in understanding. "One of the exceptionally stupid ones."

That made both Xander and Buffy blink and look at him curiously.

"… You think I got this without knowing the value of loyalty?" Luke asked sarcastically as he pointed to his forehead.

"You know, you learn something new when you least expect it." Buffy stated with a shrug of her shoulders. "Now, can we get on with the whole smacking you down?"

"I will rip out your throat and feed your soul to the Master!" Luke declared with a nod of his head as he stood up straight.

"Well then, Vessel vs Slayer." Xander declared. "Ready? Fight!"

And with a roar of fury, Luke lunged at Buffy in a blur of motion as he sipped at her, his fingers curled back like claws.

And with a roar of fury, Luke lunged at Buffy in a blur of motion as he ripped at her, his fingers curled back like claws. Buffy started to block, and was spun about by the force of the blow as it caught her arm. Instead of being thrown off by the momentum, Buffy instead swiftly brought her hands together and added her own momentum to the spin, smashing a hammer blow into Luke's shoulder.

The vampire grunted as he was forced back, his shoulder having been forcibly popped out by the blow. Growling, he forced his arm back into joint and then bull rushed Buffy. Caught by the sudden move by Luke, Buffy then began to feel several hammering blows smashing into her sides as she was forced back into one of the club's supports, which creaked audibly from the impact.

Buffy grunted then brought her legs up, leveraging against the support and kicked out, knocking Luke free from her body as she sent him flying back towards the stage. Groaning again, the support almost buckled against the force, but still managed to hold. Now holding a look of slight irritation, Buffy gave Luke a look, before looking back at Xander. "You know, actually taking him alive might be a problem."

"I thought you were up for the challenge?" Xander asked innocently.

"I could've killed him about 10 different ways already." Buffy stated simply as she slid into a ready stance and advanced towards the vampire. "It's taking him without killing him that's the problem."

"I will…!" Luke began as he regained his footing glaring at Buffy.

"Want me to take him?" Xander asked simply, cutting Luke off.

"… I can do this." Buffy stated with a huff as she suddenly twisted her body and ripped one of the tables out of the ground and smashed Luke with it in one fluid motion.

Again, Luke was sent flying, this time crashing into one of the solid walls of the Bronze. Once more, Luke regained his footing, though, more woozily this time. "I am going to…!"

That's when the rest of the table smashed into his face, as thrown by Buffy and he dropped back and slumped unconscious.

"There." Buffy stated with a huff as she dusted off her hands and looked back at Xander. "Well?"

"Not bad." Xander stated as he strode over to Luke and nodded as he peeled back the vampire's eyes, finding no real response from the creature. "You might holding him in place in case he wakes up?"

"I think I have been insulted." Buffy muttered a bit, but none-the-less pinned Luke's arms. "Wake up, from a patented Buffy special happy dream time?"

"… Please, don't make me laugh." Xander stated simply, "I'd really, really prefer to not botch this."

"Fine, fine, you just owe me dinner then." Buffy stated cheerfully. "Some place nice and you have to dress up."

"Uh huh." Xander stated sounding like he wasn't really paying attention as he focused on Luke and placed a hand on the man's forehead.

The Master, formerly known as Heinrich Nest, was not having the best of days. It was supposed to be the night of his rise, the coming of his return. But, somehow Darla and a number of the younger members of the order had failed to return the night before.

The night had even started well. Luke had begun to feed. He could feel the first life then the next starting to flow into him, strengthening him.

Only, barely a handful of lives had been claimed before they'd abruptly stopped.

Now, there was nothing but a growing irritation as Nest began to pace about the pool in the lair he was trapped in.

'Well, this is interesting.'

That however, made the Master freeze in place as he could feel the voice echoing about his own mind.

"… Who dares?" The Master demanded with a cold, collected voice.

'Oh, just someone who was curious. There was this Vessel you left lying around that I wanted to take a look at. Once a century thing and all that. It's normally so hard to find a vampire that knows this and actually has to use it.'

"What have you done with my Vessel?" It was again a cold and collected demand, the vampire's red eyes narrowed into slits.

'So far? He's only been knocked around a little. Nothing a simple meal can't fix. Hmm. I think I could actually switch your bodies. I won't, but if another vampire had been the vessel, it could've been very… amusing.'

The dark humor in the voice made the Master pause. "What do you want?"

'Many, many things. Some of which I'll even get! For now though… I'm just satisfying a postulation of mine.'

The Master had a very, very bad feeling about this. "That being?"

'Simple really. What goes one way, can go the other. Oh, this is likely going to be unpleasant.'

"Don't you Daaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggh!"

And those few of the Order of Aurelius who were in the Master's Lair, stared in shock as the Master collapsed to his knees and then his features seemed to just… Melt. After a few moments, the demonic visage of the Master had melted into one of a human in middle age. For a moment, he woozily remained on his knees, before he spoke.

"… I will get you for this." And he then collapsed.

Xander watched in fascination as Luke's features began to shift, twist and morph, until they became what looked to be the equivalent of the Master's.

"Exxxxxcellent." Xander declared with a happy nod. "I thought it might work!"

"… Xander? Did you just… Masterify Luke here?" Buffy asked warily.

"Yup." Xander agreed with a nod before pulling out a gem and pressing it against Luke's forehead.

"That was the whole point of your experiment?" She pressed with a frown.

"Yup, that's not all I planned to do though." Xander agreed as he suddenly pushed the gem into the middle of Luke's flesh. "Aha! Perfect fit!"

"… Xander? What are you doing?" Buffy had a slowly growing trickle of worry falling down her spine.

"Dealing with two potential problems at once so we don't have to deal with Big Bads for a few years." Xander stated simply before slapping Luke's cheek firmly. "Hey, Luke, wake up!"

"Wha-huh?" Luke declared, blearily opening his eyes in a glazed look.

"Well, Luke, you need to harvest for the Master, right?" Xander stated with a calm, agreeable voice.

"… Yessss. The Master. Harvest." Luke agreed with a distant voice and a nod of his head.

"Then you need better lives to offer him. Stronger, more powerful lives." Xander stated leadingly.

"Yes. Strong lives. Make Master strong." Luke agreed hazily.

"So, you should go to City Hall and feed him the Mayor and everyone else there." Xander stated simply.

"Yes," Luke agreed, struggling up to his feet as Buffy just let him go and starting to stumble towards the exit. "City Hall. Feed the Master the Mayor. Make Master strong."

Buffy watched as Luke just stumbled out and then turned towards Xander with a brow arched. "You do realize Tricky Dicky will blow him to pieces before he can get very far, right? Especially like that."

"Most of that will wear off after he gets towards City Hall." Xander stated with a wave of his hand. "And any magic the Mayor tries to use will be fed into the gem and into Luke."

"Ok, fine, so what's Luke going to do when he kills the mayor and everyone else at City Hall?" Buffy asked pointedly.

"Explode." Xander said cheerfully.

She stared at him. "Explode?"

"Yup." Xander agreed with a nod. "That gem will keep channeling power into him, nonstop until Boom time."

"… Huh." Buffy blinked at him. "And you just happened to have something like that around?"

"I always make one whenever I want to deal with Dick." Xander stated simply with a shrug of his shoulders. "They're absolutely useless for anything but making what amounts to a suicide bomber, but with the right spells on a demon, they're down right handy."

"And the whole exploding part?" Buffy pressed.

"It has no cut off. It just keeps absorbing and channeling power. Eventually you reach a limit to what can be contained, and… boom." Xander said with a shrug. "They're considered one of the absolute biggest failures in enchanting. Something only the foolish or suicidal would use."

There was a rictus grin on Xander's face as he looked back at Buffy. "As I've been both, I can attest, it is not a pleasant way to die."

Buffy shuddered a bit. "I see."