A/N: Most of us are happy for planes, trains, and automobiles. I mean, seriously. I enjoy a good walk but a five month walk would be pushing it.
Edward liked to watch Bella dance.
There was something charming about the way she had to be dragged out of her shell each and every time. She sat on the outskirts, watching and clapping her hands along with the merriment. Some of the others would try to get her to dance with them, but she refused.
Almost always it was Alice who succeeded in getting her up. The married couples danced together, but since Jasper was always at his guitar, that left Alice to dance with the young people. She went a few rounds with the others before she hooked her arm through Bella's and pulled her up. As always, Bella put up a fight, but Alice was persistent.
Edward could always tell when Bella forgot her weariness and inhibition. The exhaustion left her features. Her smile spread wide. Her movements became more fluid as her hips moved in time with the music. She hooked her arm through Alice's and one of the other girls, and Edward could hear the sound of her giggle as they danced in a circle. He smiled.
When the song ended, Jasper set his guitar aside. He rushed at his wife and swept her off her feet, away from Bella. He spun her around in a giddy circle. When the other musicians kicked up into the next song, he set her down and away they went.
Bella fell back. She clapped as she broke through the small crowd. When her eyes fell on Edward, she grinned and made her way to him. "Hey," she said as she plopped down beside him. She was breathless from dancing, Her cheeks were flushed and lovely in the light of the fire.
Edward offered his canteen of cool water. She thanked him, tilted her head back, and drank greedily. He laughed. "No more water for me tonight, I guess."
She ducked her head and wiped her sleeve across her mouth. "Sorry. I worked up quite a thirst."
"So I see."
They sat for a few minutes in companionable silence. Edward watched the different couples. Alice and Jasper dancing around the fire, grinning at each other like they were fresh-faced teenagers in love for the first time. Emmett and Rosalie were swaying together. She leaned on him heavily, looking tired as usual but very happy to be in the arms of her love. Alistair and Vera and Carlisle and Esme sat with the older folk off to the side. They swayed with the music and looked on with proud smiles, happy that their children were happy no doubt.
Edward was very aware of Bella beside him, how close she sat to him. They weren't touching, but he was warmer than he had been before. The chill of the evening was all but gone, in fact. He turned his head enough that he could see her in full. He watched with perhaps more rapt fascination than he should have as she took her bonnet from her head.
She began to unwind the long braid wrapped in a circlet around her head. Edward's fingers twitched at his side. He had the inexplicable urge to help her comb out the inevitable tangles. Despite the snarls, her hair looked so soft.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked when she winced and hissed.
She looked at him, her smile rueful. "The sun left the skin of my neck very tender." She lifted her hair and turned away from him. "Can you see?"
He didn't answer right away, shocked as he was to be faced with the slope of her neck and arms as she held her hair up. An unbidden mental image struck him. He imagined himself standing behind Bella, one arm around her waist holding her close, the other raised to push her hair off one shoulder. The image was visceral. He could taste her skin, likely salty from the long day's walk, on his lips.
Edward shook his head to rid himself of the vision. It had been too long since he was with a woman, that was all. Bella was vivacious and beautiful. He was still a man.
He cleared his throat and bent his head to examine her neck. "I can't see in the firelight, but I believe you. Maybe you should leave your hair down as we walk."
"And get even more dirt in it?" She turned back to him.
"Oh, honey." Edward chuckled as he rummaged through his bag. "By the time we reach journey's end, we'll all be a bedraggled mess. That will be some sight, hmm? I noticed your friend, Dr. Cullen, takes care to shave every other morning still. Mark my words, when we get where we're going, he'll have a beard as scraggly as the rest of us." He found what he was looking for. "Turn around. I got something here that'll sooth that burn."
She looked startled then shy as she stared back at him. Edward was about to apologize, sure he'd crossed a line, but she turned as he'd instructed.
He realized too late this was his vision come to life. His mouth went dry as he brushed her thick hair off one shoulder. It was soft as he expected, and he took care to smooth the tendrils that curled at her neck back. The skin was flushed as her cheeks had been when she came to his side after dancing. When he brushed the tips of his fingers over it, her skin felt warm despite the cool evening air.
"This may feel a little slimy and cold." He snapped off a leaf of the plant and peeled off the skin of one side. Bella gasped when he put the leaf to her neck, but she didn't complain. He rubbed the plant over her neck, careful to keep the rough edges away from her tender skin
"That already feels better," she said. "What is it? And why do you keep a bit of it in your satchel?"
"It's called aloe, and for exactly this purpose. Do you know how many sunburns I've had?" He chuckled. "The plant has many uses, but this is the best. All done."
Bella straightened and looked to him. "You're good with plants."
"It's a useful talent to have. Knowing your plant life can keep you alive, as you well know."
She frowned and looked down at her boots. "Those berries looked exactly the same as the ones you gave me."
"Not exactly."
She sat up straight and narrowed her eyes at him. "I asked you to teach me the difference. I want to know. I don't want to be a burden. I want to help, and I'm a quick study."
Edward's lips quirked and he turned his head just enough to regard her. "I am working you know."
"Yes. And won't it be good if you don't have to watch me all the time, as you put it?"
"I shouldn't have said that. I told you."
"It doesn't make it any less true. I'm not trying to be a pest. I won't bother you when you have other things to do. Just let me come along when you go gathering at lunching time or when we stop for the day. I won't be a burden, I swear."
"Bella dear."
They both looked up to find Esme standing over him. Her eyes were, as always kind, but Edward was suddenly very aware of his proximity to Bella. They were sitting close to each other, and he was leaning toward her. Esme's eyes flicked to his, and Edward thought he caught a hint of warning.
"Hello, Esme," Bella said. Edward thought she sounded a bit breathless.
"It's getting late. Won't you come to bed now?" She extended her hand.
Both Edward and Bella stood. Edward held his hands behind his back and nodded at Bella. "Sleep well, Miss." He tipped his hat at Esme. "Ma'am."
Edward couldn't say he was surprised when Carlisle appeared as Esme and Bella moved away. "Mind some company?" Carlisle asked.
Reasonably sure he knew what was coming, Edward gestured to the log beside him.
They sat in silence while Edward waited. From what he'd observed, Carlisle was a good father. Bella might not have been his own, but he loved her.
"I've noticed you and Bella talk a fair amount," Carlisle began. His tone was unassuming which Edward appreciated. He knew well enough fathers could be overly zealous about their pretty young daughters.
"She's curious about the rest of the trail, and she wants me to teach her about the plants."
"Is that all?"
"Is there something specific you want to know?" Edward kept his voice steady. He wasn't about to walk his foot into his mouth.
"I'll be direct then. Bella is a very clever girl. She's old for her age, but she is, of yet, young and naive. Her father isn't here, but that doesn't mean she has no one looking out for her. You seem like an honorable man."
"Nothing dishonorable is going on between us. I have much more respect for her than that."
"I saw you touch her tonight."
"She has a sunburn on her neck. I only treated it with aloe."
To his surprise, Carlisle laughed. "Perhaps of the two of you, you're the more naive."
Edward tilted his head to look at the man. "What?"
"Bella knows I have a salve with me that works quite well."
As shock coursed through Edward's system, and warmth went through his body. Somehow, he tempered his smile before Carlisle could see. It absolutely shouldn't please him that Bella played coy with him.
"Out here in the wild, it's easy to forget our society isn't without its rules," Carlisle said. "If we were home, I would never have let you alone with her at all."
"We were talking, and this is hardly alone." Edward gestured at the others scattered around them.
"I think we understand each other."
"Of course, sir. Like I said. I have a lot of respect for Bella." He took a long pull from his canteen. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."
"I do trust you, Edward. You seem like a very kind, very good man. But you are a man, and your life seems lonely. It's not something I want for her."
Edward turned to the man and smiled. "No. I can't blame you there."
~0~
Bella had the distinct impression she was being avoided.
Since their conversation about plants, Edward had made himself scarce at lunching time and around the fire in the evenings. It was his day to walk with the Cullens and Hales. Every time Bella tried to approach him, he quickened his pace to fall in beside one of the others.
"Oh. Hello, Edward," Esme said when Edward came up next to her. Bella fell into step a pace behind them. She wasn't intending to interrupt-she knew when she wasn't welcome-but that did nothing to slake her curiosity.
"Good morning, Esme," Edward said.
"I'm happy to see you. I wanted to thank you again for that ingenious rig you set up for us. Cream in a bucket tied under the wagon. Who would have thought to let the bumping wagons churn our cream into butter for us as we walked?"
"Ah, I'm afraid I can't claim to be the genius behind that. It was a trick I picked up on my first crossing."
"I cannot imagine doing this over and over again." Esme shivered at the thought.
"It's a more worthwhile occupation than some. There's a lot of mistakes you can make out here, and each mistake can be the difference between life and death. The more I travel this trail, the more mistakes I can head off at the pass."
"That's very noble."
"Naw. Everybody has to do something. I'm better off out here, I reckon. Worth something to someone."
"Worth a lot to us." Esme patted his arm.
Bella slowed her pace until the wagon passed. On the other side, she found Alice walking along with Rosalie.
"Sweetie, you really don't look so well," Alice was saying to Rosalie. She had her arm around the other woman.
It was true. Rosalie's face was flushed an odd shade. Her cheeks were red but somehow still pale, as though all other color had drained from her face.
"I'm fine, Alice. We'll be stopping to eat any time now. I'll be fine if I can rest for an hour."
"I'll tell you what's wrong. Why are you still wearing your wintercoat? Honey, it's hotter than Hades out here. No wonder you're so bad off. Are you crazy?" Alice tried to pull the coat off Rosalie, but the other woman shrugged out of her grasp.
"Leave me alone. I'm fine." But Bella could see her hands were shaking as she tried to pull her coat tighter about her shoulders.
It wasn't five seconds later that her eyes rolled up into her head. Alice caught her, and they both went down. Bella yelped and ran to their side. "Carlisle!" she and Alice called at the same time.
"Oh goodness," Alice said on a breath.
Bella followed her gaze down Rosalie's torso to her stomach.
Her very swollen stomach.
Rosalie was pregnant. Many months gone.
"Carlisle!" Bella called again.
They drew a crowd. Not only Carlisle and Esme, but James and Edward too.
"Ah, hell," Bella heard James say lowly.
Rosalie was already blinking awake. "Alice? Carlisle?"
Bella sagged with relief.
"Boys," Carlisle called to Henry and Peter. "Go tell Emmett and Jasper to stop the wagons. We're stopping a little early for lunch. Tell Emmett we need him here right now. And be careful. You steer clear those wheels. You hear?"
"Yes." They both nodded their promise before they ran off toward the wagons.
"Oh, sweetheart," Esme said as she clasped Rosalie's hand. "What were you thinking?"
Rosalie only whimpered and shook her head.
Alistair and Vera caught up with them next, and Bella moved back, giving everyone space. She looked up and was surprised to see Edward standing a pace away. His eyebrows were knitted; his lips pressed into a thin line. Bella felt a wave of indignation. She didn't have one single clue why Emmett and Rosalie would keep this from the family, but she didn't think it was his place to judge.
And he was judging. Hard.
His nostrils flared. He turned on his heel and strode into the forest with a purpose. Bella followed him without thinking. He was walking so fast, he was practically sprinting. Bella lifted her skirts and ran.
When they were sufficiently away from the others, she called out his name. He stopped and whirled around just as Bella stumbled. She pitched forward, arms flailing, but he caught her. Bella looked up at him in a daze, stunned to find herself pressed against his chest.
"Are you all right?" He sounded irritated, but he didn't let her go.
"I...yes."
Edward got a firm grip on her shoulders and guided her body an arm's length away from his. "Are you trying to get me killed?"
"What are you on about?"
"Carlisle already told me to stay away from you, and here you are following me into the woods alone again. You're going to get me shot."
"Carlisle would never shoot you."
"Maybe not, but if he catches us out here alone, he might tell James I'm giving trouble. James will leave me behind, Bella, to fend for myself without so much as a horse to my name to get me to safety before the winter months. Is that what you want?"
Bella's eyes went wide with fear at the idea, but just as quickly, she glared at him. "You're upset over Rosalie, and you're taking it out on me."
"I-" Edward began, but Bella folded her arms across her chest and glared. His shoulders slumped and he blew out a long breath. "You're right. As usual, you're right. And very irritating. But right."
"Rosalie hid her pregnancy, but I don't understand why it upsets you."
"Never mind. It's fine. Nothing to be done now."
"Tell me-"
"I think your friends are foolish."
"It's hardly an abnormal thing for a married couple to have a baby."
"Of course it's not abnormal. I said it's foolish, and they both know it. They wouldn't have hid it if they didn't agree."
"Rosalie has been fine to this point. There's no reason to think she can't keep up."
He took her by the shoulders and gave her a shake. "Do you understand the risk to her? It's the reason she gets so tired, isn't it? And it will only get worse. She will give birth on the trail. Even if it doesn't slow us down, it makes her vulnerable. It will make her weaker."
Bella stared. There was something far away in his eyes, a pain that wasn't professional at all. "Why are you making this so personal?" she asked.
"Because I've been there. I was a young, foolish husband once, just like Emmett, and I made every mistake." His eyes focused again and he released her. He stumbled a few steps back.
Bella was struck breathless as pieces fell into place. "Maggie died because she was going to have a baby?"
Edward sighed and fell backward. He landed heavily on his rear, but he only pulled his legs up to rest his head on them. "Yes," he said after an age.
Bella hesitated only a moment before she sat next to him, similarly drawing her legs up. She put her hand to his back. "I'm sorry, Edward. What a horrible thing to have happen, to not only lose your wife but your child."
"Don't feel sorry for me. It was my fault."
"You've said that before, but I don't think it's true."
"I knew." Edward swallowed hard. He stared straight ahead, his fists clenched. "When she told me, she begged me not to make her go. I thought she would be fine. She wouldn't even have to give birth on the trail.
"But I was an idiot. We weren't on the trail more than a month before she took sick. The ladies in our train, they said it happens sometimes. Some are more sick than others. That was Maggie. It was horrible for her. There was no room in the wagon for her to lie down, and I had to drive the wagon. We had no help."
He breathed in and out. Bella was stunned silent. She didn't know what to say or do besides rub his back. He hung his head, and when he spoke again, his voice was very quiet. "It was one of the river crossings. The current hit us stronger than we thought. She was too weakened by her sickness to keep her head above water long. By the time I got to her, it was too late."
Bella felt very young and silly. What could she say to something like that? What a profound loss. "Edward… Babies are born on the trail every day. I've heard the tales as well as you have. I know we all think too much about the deaths, but I heard tell that most trains end up with more people than they started out with. Some die. Journey like this… I expect that's inevitable, but many more live. So much of it is chance-luck."
"Luck… and knowledge. I was ignorant. I did everything wrong. I had no business taking a woman with child on the trail when I had another option. And you have no idea the mistakes I made. I overloaded the wagon. I kept so many things for so long we had no real need for. If I had dumped them before or not taken them at all, she might have been able to rest in the wagon at the very least."
"We always know the right choices to make in hindsight. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry."
He tilted his head up and blinked sporadically. She thought he might be fighting tears, but then he laughed.
"What?" she asked as he climbed to his feet.
He said nothing at first but reached up and pulled down a branch laden with familiar looking berries. "Well. You are already alone out here with me. I may as well teach you a thing or two." He beckoned her close. "It's mainly the leaves. See the spike here? The ones I gave you have a rounded leaf."
It took Bella a few seconds to catch up with the change of subject. She gave him a look, and he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you all that," he said.
"I'm glad you did. I think it helps to talk sometimes." She put her hand to his arm briefly. "I still don't think it was your fault."
His thin smile made her think he didn't believe her, but he didn't press the issue. "Pay attention," he said. "Though in this case, I'm not sure how much good it'll do. From here on out, berries that look like this are poisonous, period. We're about out of range of the other kind. But there are plenty of plants and berries out there we'll be coming across shortly."
Bella let her questions turn from Edward's past to his impromptu lesson. They passed the lunch hour together, and Bella just considered it a helpful twist of fate that everyone was still fussing over Rosalie when they got back. It looked like no one knew they'd even gone.
A/N: So there's Edward's whole story.
Many thanks to jfka06, songster, and Barburella. So much heart all around.
How we doing out there?