XX
"Mary what do you mean you have a meeting on Saturday? I thought you said you'd come and watch me play?" Henry was putting on his trainers. "And we'd grab a meal after."
"I know." Mary replied, a bit muffled as she was inside the walk in closet. "But this came up at the last minute and I need to go."
"What are you looking for anyway?" Henry glanced inside. She was pushing back some boxes in the corner.
She looked up. "Nothing…"
Henry chortled. "Nothing is not Lady Mary Crawley getting all hot and dusty throwing packaging around that have not seen the light of day since I moved in."
Mary blew a wisp of hair away from her eye. "I am looking for my riding boots if you must know." She moved a couple more boxes. "Ah. There …" And she grabbed a long case out from atop a trunk.
Mary carefully dislodged it and brought it out into the bedroom.
"Why?" Henry asked. "Why do you want those? You going riding? Do you want me to come along?"
"Absolutely not." Mary answered rather too hurriedly. Then more mordantly, "I'd never hear the end of it from Blake and the others. Oh 'you took our best player just to play around in the countryside.' No thanks. I want you to go."
She walked downstairs with the case. Henry followed.
"Why are you going?" Henry grabbed some water from the refrigerator. "Thought you gave all that up a long time ago. You never even talk about it."
"I…" Mary hesitated. "I might be getting back into it. I'm going to look at a horse today."
Henry scrunched his eyes. "Okay. Is this just for recreation or…what?"
Mary opened the case. "No. We can talk about it all later, but I'm planning on getting back into competition. At least at a local level for now."
"Mary. That's great. But how will that affect work? The week ends? We hardly have the same schedule as it is."
Hmmm…Mary thought. Mostly because of your sports that I've put up with for over a year.
"I haven't really settled all the details yet." She evaded the question.
That was for sure.
"I would go you know. But this game is against our biggest rival..." Henry was looking around for his keys. "Otherwise…."
Mary puffed out some air, trying not to sound ever so slightly relieved. "It's quite boring, actually. Trying to find the farm. Getting a vet examine her. Have to wait. Then I'll give her a good once over. Then we'll negotiate a price. If we agree, I'll be boarding her at Downton so I will then have to set up transportation."
"In that case," Henry grabbed his gym bag and kissed her hard. "You sound like you got it all under control. I won't be back until very late. I'll just grab some grub with the crew."
And he was out the door.
Mary's eyes went half-lidded. She put her hand to her forehead. She had never deliberately lied to Henry before. She was unnerved at how easy the story flowed from her lips.
And how little she seemed affected by it. It was more the fear of being caught out that the guilt of lying to her boyfriend.
Matthew was to arrive within the hour. His text message read that he had already put in the Crossley Bridge Horse Farm into his GPS. They could have breakfast along the way.
She started to hum under her breath in anticipation of his arrival.
This was dangerous. They should not be doing this. Just being around him made her different. Made her feel things she did not want to feel.
She was confident in herself and her abilities. Didn't need anyone to support her dreams like some internet meme or FB viral message.
Didn't need Matthew Crawley to walk into her life and tell her to resume her career as if she had never thought of it before.
She had considered it. Many times. Had started to make phone calls. Had gone to Ireland to the Dublin Horse Show to support some friends last year.
But had done nothing about it.
Until Matthew said he'd help. And now she accepted his money, started a company, and was going to see a horse today she'd probably buy to start a stable back at her family's home in York.
All because he listened to her. Heard her. Believed in her.
Well she believed in herself. She didn't need some limpid blue eyed boy to feel whole. To feel strong.
To feel love.
Mary groaned into her hands. The word scared her. A word that meant loss of control. Succumbing to emotions she had suppressed for the majority of her adult life. Restrict her options. Make her answerable to someone other than herself.
And he was married.
What the hell was she thinking about?
What the hell was he?
XX
Matthew arrived at Mary's door on time. Mary peeked out, held out three fingers to wait, and he waved that he understood.
The day was going to be a scorcher. 36° at least. Sunny at least as he had feared rain. Rain that might have prevented them going.
And he wanted to go. He had anticipated it for days since their dinner.
Lavinia had left for Derbyshire on Friday morning. Going to Hall Dale quarry with eight children, two aides, and assorted parents as she described them.
He had kissed her good-bye and said not to worry about coming back late on Sunday. He'd have a pizza and a warm bath ready for her.
And he would be. He was a good husband who loved his wife.
He did.
But it wasn't the same. He knew it wasn't.
He was going to have to pull it together. This thing with Mary.
Thing.
Relationship.
Affair?
The word itself horrified him. How had it even popped into his head?
No. Not that. He wouldn't do that. He'd never do that. Matthew gripped the steering wheel. He stared hard ahead.
He would not put Lavinia through that.
That. …that word. Affair.
But he knew he was falling into something with Mary.
He just wasn't sure what it was.
So he was here.
He was going to focus on today. On being with Mary. A day in the country with Mary.
Matthew checked the fuel gauge. It was about a two-hour drive on the A40 and M1 once they escaped London traffic. They were to arrive at the farm that was just outside the city by lunchtime.
The horse was a 15.9 hands mare. Liver chestnut with a long stripe down the bridge of her nose. She jumps both 1.35m fences and lope around the cross country course with an easy gait.
At least that's what Mary told him. She was so excited to see Jellybean. Though she said, as a sardonic aside, "That name will have to be changed."
Matthew thought it adorable.
The front door opened and Mary emerged with a long bag flung around her shoulder.
Matthew noticed her tank top and jeans, buried his first reaction in a muffled grunt, and got out to help her by opening up the front boot.
She shoved the bag inside.
He opened the passenger door.
"Thank you." She said, easing into the passenger seat of the Porsche. "I still say we could have taken the Jag. I'm just as good a driver as you." She teased. "Just not as obsessive."
Mary's XJ was parked on the road outside her town house.
"I know." Matthew laughed it off. "We'll take yours next time."
The two exchanged a glance that neither was quite willing to accept meant anything other than going to see another horse if this one didn't pan out.
He started the motor and eased it into reverse. The traffic was heavy through town, but lightened as they exited the city.
"So how do you know the Masons?" Matthew asked making the turn on the A40.
"William Mason Sr. worked on the estate years ago. Before he left to run the family stables. His son Will competed as a senior rider on the same circuit where I was a junior. He now runs the place."
"So why do you think they're selling her? Is it because the horse is not championship quality?"
"I'll know when I see her. Talk to the vet. Talk to Will. There could be many reasons." Mary replied calmly. "I'll know."
Matthew respected her confidence.
"Did you want to stop? Get some coffee?" He looked over at her. Back at the road. Then back at her again.
His blue eyes were shaded against the sun.
A very good thing Mary thought. Then realized that thought was complexly inappropriate.
There was a lot things inappropriate about him.
"We…we don't have to get coffee." He kept speaking, though he was stuttering now. "I…I like tea as well. We can stop at a tea shop if you prefer? … Or not at all…"
Like the way he kept talking. Even when he should stop.
"I think we have time. I'd like to have some tea." Mary touched his forearm lightly and squeezed it.
Matthew's hand tensed under her ministrations.
She released her arm. Placing it again on the seat of his car, it landed on his sketch pad.
Matthew glanced out the side of his left eye. Her hand fidgeted with the book.
"Do you want to look through it?" He asked with only the slightest reluctance.
"Would you mind?" Mary's hand clasped over it.
Matthew pursed his lips. He met her eyes. They were curious. Curious about him. His drawings. His talent.
"Sure. I'd love your honest opinion."
He was unstable around her. And it felt so good.
Mary picked it up. She took her time with each drawing. Faces. Landscapes. Buildings of London.
"What is this one?" She showed him a picture of a skyline.
He pulled down his sunglasses. "Uh… Edinburgh. Auld reekie as my old flat mate called it. I was visiting for a conference. I drew that from Calton Hill on a lunch break. That's the Nelson monument."
"Why is it warped like that?" The pencil sketch was circular, like looking at it inside a bubble.
"I compressed some of the space to create a more vibrant image." Matthew's voice got suddenly animated. "As if you were looking at it through a camera obscura."
"That's astonishing. I can see exactly what you were going for." Mary continued to look through the book. Many of the pictures were of his wife.
"Do you have a cat?" She showed him a drawing of a fluffy furball.
Matthew laughed. "Neighbour's. She spends most of her time though on our terrace."
Then Mary turned to her own drawing. She had never really seen it up close. Matthew really did have talent. Her family on her 18th birthday had insisted on a portrait for the family gallery at Downton. She had hated it. Her eyes were too close. Her mouth was all wrong.
This drawing, sketched in about ten minutes or so, captured her in a way that three month sitting never did.
Did she really appear to him like that?
Part of her was surprised it was still in the book. What? She said to herself, did you expect him to tear it out and furtively hide it? Had she already started to ruin his marriage? The thought horrified Mary.
The deepest part of her was happy he had not torn it up.
He was not that kind of guy.
Matthew's eyes kept darting back and forth from the road to the book to Mary's eyes.
As if Matthew could read her thoughts, her concerns, "Lavinia saw the picture. It fell open on my desk."
"Did she recognize me?" Mary asked. "At the party I thought I saw a glint of recognition. As if a penny dropped."
Matthew only slightly turned a paler shade of white. His hand gripped the steering wheel harder though, she noted.
"I … I don't know." His jaw tightened. "We didn't talk about it."
Mary dropped the subject. She continued to look through the book.
Matthew then restarted the conversation. "Lavinia thinks I should showcase my work in some way."
"I agree." Mary's voice was full of warmth. "You should." She showed him a sketch of a landscape.
He scoffed dismissively. "There's no money in it."
"Money's not the only object." Mary offered.
Matthew pulled his shades down again with one finger. He eyes bespoke total skepticism that Lady Mary Crawley ever had to even think about money in her life.
"Okay. Okay." She chortled. "I am not one to speak on that subject. But if I were you…"
Matthew was more abrupt than he intended, "You're not. It's mine. It's my escape." He was pulling the Porsche into a small space next to a cobblestone pavement. A tea shop was across the street.
The conversation was left there as they walked inside and sat down. Mary ordered a pot of tea and a selection of scones and sweets.
"If you're good at something…" Mary said as each sat back, relaxed to be off the road.
"I know you mean well." He faultered, then recovered his thoughts more concisely. "To bring it out would taint it with commercialism. Commerce. I don't want to do it."
Matthew's voice was steady now, "You have to have something that's just yours. I work hard at a job I'm good at. I don't love it. I love drawing. It's the thing you keep to yourself. To sell it, to make it a job... I'd have to think about what I'm drawing with an eye to a sale. This way I don't have to. We all should have that one thing."
He hesitated before saying, "Lavinia's father wanted her to go to work for him in some kind of capacity. She refused saying teaching was not only the thing she was good at but also the thing she loved. I don't have that. So I keep my drawing to myself."
Mary believed she was given access to a very private part of his psyche. A privilege she would cherish.
She asked quietly, "Is that why you're helping me? To find the thing I love again."
Matthew' eyes narrowed. He did not answer immediately. "I suppose it is. I know we are at odds over this situation with your father…"
She drew a quick breath. That was true.
He plunged on to finish his thought. "But I hope it won't affect us. Both our business relationship." He wavered again, "…and our friendship."
Mary nodded in support. He was going to change her life. A frisson of excitement shot through her body. She was ready.
A contemplative silence followed.
"Sybil is very nice…" Matthew remarked.
"Tom seems like a great guy…." Mary said at the same time.
Both looked at the other and laughed. Mary added, "Did you know they were dating?"
Matthew's mouth dropped open. "No. No I did not know that."
"I don't think he wanted to complicate the situation."
With the palpable tension between them more than apparent, they could do nothing but laugh at Mary's revelation.
"I'm good with that." Matthew said, wiping a tear of laughter from his cheek. "I'll let him tell me."
They finished the meal and paid. Walked back out into the heat.
"How much further?" Mary's brow was already beading with sweat. "We probably should have just had water."
"Tea teaches patience. Helps you think." Matthew replied, chewing on the last of the scones. "Even when it's as hot as Hades outside."
He maneuvered back onto the M1. "We have about 45 minutes left. How are you going to proceed?"
"When we get there, Will's already agreed to have a vet on call so that we can go over every inch of the mare." Mary's voice tried to stay neutral. "Then we go over her competitive history. I will test her out…"
His face turned. "I'll get you see you jump?"
Mary's mouth lit up into a bright smile. "Yes." Her tone changing to excitement. "You could too but unfortunately you've never even ridden a horse."
"You'd let me?" He asked quizzically.
"Well ride around the paddock anyway." Her lip twitched. "On a nice gentle beast. We can find you one."
"of course if you want to jump her…"
Matthew choked on the scone. His face was bright red
Mary answered cheekily, "Best not. I'll let you watch, though, if you're a good boy."
Matthew knew this was a very dangerous game they were playing.
Buy he didn't want it to end just yet.
XX
They arrived at Crossley Bridge Horse Farm at 11:30.
Will Mason Jr was there to greet them. "Mary it's so good to see you again."
The two hugged.
"Will this is Matthew Crawley."
"What's this?" Will said, smiling. He took Matthew's proffered hand. "I didn't know you were married."
"No." They both rushed saying at the same time.
"No." Mary recovered. "We just happen to have the same name. Matthew's on board as my business partner. He's come to see it all from the ground up."
"Great." Will gave them both another quizzical look, but changed the subject. "The Jellybean is over here." They started towards the stables. "Watch the mud. It rained buckets last night. Did you bring boots?"
Matthew shook his head negatively.
Mary said, "I did. I thought you might have a pair that would fit Matthew."
Matthew opened the front storage compartment of the Porsche. Mary slipped out the leather bag. Sitting in her seat, she changed out of the dressy suede Chelsea boots to her old riding boots.
Will led Matthew away to the tack room. "We can find you something."
A very good thing Matthew decided. Mary's actions were more than distracting. They were mesmerizing.
"Thanks." Matthew's words were lost on Will as he spoke them so softly. He tore his eyes away from the image of Mary pulling on her boots. She stretched out her leg, leaned down in the tank top, and slowly drew the left boot on.
God he was helpless at the knees, gasping. Like drowning.
He gulped and hurried after Will Mason.
Once he was properly outfitted, they all toured the facility. Matthew was very impressed with the Mason's livery yard.
"They are full livery." Mary explained. Matthew looked confused.
"They manage the entire care of the horse, including riding and training. Sometimes its self-board where the owners of the horses take care of feed and exercise."
Matthew nodded in understanding. "What would you be doing?"
"I was thinking of a working livery where I stable the horses but the owners pay a discounted rate for their horse's care. In return I provide the training and the riding expertise and can use their horses for that end."
Will interjected. "That's a good idea especially at the outset of an operation."
They walked into the stable. Matthew was overwhelmed with the stench of manure. He put a hand to his face and pinched his nose.
Mary chuckled. "You'll have to get used to it."
"The smell of success." Will concurred. "Townies often can't hack it."
Matthew smiled at their ribbing. "Alright. Alright. Where is Jellybean then?"
Mary shook her head at the mention of that name again.
"What?" Will asked jovially. "You don't like my choice of name?"
"Well…" Mary replied in mock humour. "It's not a very spirited name is it? Not like Thunder. Or Man O'War."
"My daughter named her that when she was born." Will explained as they approached Jellybean's stall. "The foal was a little thing at the time. But now at nine years you can see she's reached her full height."
"She's still small compared to the big thoroughbreds." Mary observed. "What's her regimen like? Is she happy in the stables? Does she load readily into the trailer?"
Matthew left the two of them to the details. He walked around the exercise yard. Watching the trainers put the horses through their paces. He heard one of the instructors say to the other than because of the heat they'd only do half an hour and then give them a good rub down.
He returned to the car one more time, then walked on past the stables and yard.
The setting was gorgeous. Nestled in a vale in between some of the rolling countryside, he could see for miles. He sat down on a rock outcropping. And started to sketch.
The heat was oppressive. He wiped his brow.
The sound of a car up the gravel drive made him turn. The vet had arrived Matthew presumed as he saw a woman get out with a large traveling leather case.
Approaching the yard once again, he heard his name called. Turning to see another woman at the door of a large stone house. "Mr. Crawley. Why not come inside for some lemonade." A small boned woman, she spoke in a lively and friendly tone.
Matthew waved and walked over. "Hello."
She nodded. "Daisy Mason. Will and Mary will be an hour at least. Come inside."
Once inside he could see that although the farm house was well over a hundred years old, it had been updated and renovated. The cool air inside felt refreshing.
A couple of young teens were at the table, looking down and texting.
"Maggie. Sarah. Look up for a second and say hello. The Crawley's are here to buy the Jellybean."
At that Maggie looked up suspiciously. And gave Matthew the once over.
Matthew started to correct Daisy once again that he and Mary were not a married couple, but was interrupted by Maggie. "What do you intend to do with her? She's just not going to be some kind of work horse for a bunch of simpleton beginners?"
Matthew liked her immediately. "No. Nothing of the sort. If Mary likes what she sees, we intend to offer a good price and she'll ride Jellybean in competition."
Maggie's eyebrow quirked up at that. "She's the best there is. I've ridden her in some local gymkhanas. I trained her." She was deadly serious.
"Then I'm sure Mary will think the same." Matthew answered affably.
Maggie eyes then turned downcast and ran out of the room. Her younger sister fled as well.
Matthew turned in bewilderment towards the girl's mother. "I…I'm sorry."
Daisy shook her head. "Not your fault Matthew. It's been hard on Maggie. That we have to sell the bean. Her upkeep and training regime is more than we can take on at the moment. We're not equipped for horses of that standard."
Matthew finally understood the reason for the sale.
"Will wants her to up to her full potential. That's why when Mary called he was so excited that she was returning to competition."
"I hope it all works out then." Matthew sat down at Daisy's offering of lemonade. "I know Mary was extremely interested in getting Will's message."
"We all thought she gave it up years ago. What happened?" Daisy pulled out the chair across from Matthew. "Something that occurred since you two got together?"
Matthew could no longer deflect that issue. "Mary and I are not together as you think. We are business partners in this venture. We just happen to share a last name."
"Oh." Daisy appraised the man before her. "That's a shame. You two look very natural together."
Matthew had no response other than to nod politely and change the subject.
XX
Mary scrutinized the mare. She was a beauty. But Mary knew from experience to not let her emotional attachment to an animal disturb her judgement of its fitness and potential.
"She seems spirited enough. But she doesn't bite or bolt?"
"No." Will reassured Mary.
"And she's had some experience." Mary looked over the information sheet Will had provided.
"She needs more. We've kept her here too long. Maggie's grown attached to her. I've not wanted to just let her go to anyone."
Mary got it. "I appreciate that Will. I will take very good care of her."
"So that's a deal?" Will asked.
"Once the vet gives her approval. And I ride her around the stable yard. We'll see." But Mary was stroking the horse and nickering under her breath. Will was satisfied he had chosen correctly.
"Do you have something for Matthew to ride? I promised him." Mary pulled her hands through Jellybean's mane.
"Has he ever ridden before?" Will inquired.
"Not at all. As you said, he's a townie through and through." Mary said with a sly smirk. "We need to go easy on him."
Will was called away to the office by a phone call.
"Are you talking about me?" Matthew' resonant voice echoed through the stable. He had left the house to meet back up with Will and Mary.
He approached Mary. "I may be what the Americans call a tenderfoot, but I think I can ride around without giving you any cause for embarrassment."
"I'm sure you can." Mary drawled. "You have good hands. But your seat will need work for sure."
He raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
"You'll see." She simply answered mysteriously.
The vet walked over after her last inspection and note taking. "I still need to do some X-rays and do some dental, hoof, and vision tests. But she's a good horse."
Mary was thrilled. "Just the thing I wanted to hear."
Will walked back in. "So you want to give her a test drive?"
"Absolutely." Mary's excitement could no longer stand it.
She walked over to the mare and began to put on her bridle and saddle.
Will turned to Matthew. "I got one for you." He motioned to another stable where a chestnut Arabian was housed. "He's got a mellow nature. A good ride." And Will started to lead him out.
Matthew followed them outside.
Mary was already astride the mare and tapping her flanks towards the small jumping arena off to the left side of the stable.
Matthew walked quickly over so he could see her glide easily over the less than .60 jumps. She would put the horse through her paces first, then raise the bars to competitive heights.
Matthew was fascinated by it all. She trotted the horse over the poles so easily. The reverberations of the horse's breath, the scrunch of the dirt as the mare dug deep into the soil, Mary's grunts as she lifted herself off the saddle and glided as one with the horse over the vertical barriers.
She was clear and clean. No drops.
Mary pat Jellybean and whispered something in the horse's ear.
It was as if he was part of another world. One that existed outside of anything he had ever experienced. It was magical.
Mary said to Will, "with this heat I don't want to tire her out. I'll just walk her around."
Will nodded.
Mary turned to Matthew. "Are you ready?"
He gulped back any fear and walked over to the horse Will had by the bridle. "Put your left foot in the stirrup and swing your right over."
Matthew did as instructed. He gripped the saddle and heaved himself up. The last thing he wanted was to not be able to get on the horse in one move. All those damn days in the gym paid off it turns out, he chided to himself.
Mary clicked her mouth and nudged the mare closer. "Just walk beside me."
They made their way slowly around the yard. Matthew adjusting his seat to the rhythm of the horse.
"Thank you for this." He said to Mary.
Mary's face was glowing. "I've never had a better day out in years. Thank you for pushing me to do this." She pulled strands of hair behind her ear. "We'll just do a couple more around the yard and then we need to cool them off."
Mathew nodded, absorbing every moment. Every movement of Mary's body was fluid, graceful.
"I can't wait to see you in competition. Are you going to take her?" He asked.
Mary led them back to the stable entrance. "I think I will. She and I will get along just fine."
Matthew dismounted first as he came around to the horse's stall.
He grunted in pain.
Mary laughed. "I did warn you."
His thighs were burning. He could barely walk. He joked, "my seat definitely needs work."
She glanced down. Gave him a sly look. "It looks good from my vantage point." And winked.
He was too tongue tied to respond.
"Oh Matthew..." Mary laughed. "Your ears are red."
He made a move towards Mary as she dismounted. He held out his hand and she caught it. Mary was breathless from the exertion.
She turned towards him. In that moment, their lips met before either could think otherwise. Tongues twisted and coiled inside the other. The kiss was deep and intense. Her lips were soft and full. His tasted of salt. Matthew gripped her shoulders and pushed her towards him. Mary felt along his spine at the sweat that made his shirt wet and clingy.
The world stopped for just that moment. It was the two of them. Just the two of them.
Then Matthew's pocket buzzed and chirped. His hands flew away from her body. She released his mouth. His lips, bereft of her touch, still held the residual tingle of her contact with his own.
"Oh God." He said, his voice hoarse and ragged from the intensity of the kiss. He had no idea what he was doing.
Finally getting it together, Matthew fumbled inside his pocket and pulled out the iPhone. He closed his eyes and whispered in a rattled voice, "shit shit shit" over and over again. After another moment of gripping the device tight in his hand, he finally clicked on the green button and answered in an level tone, "Hello darling. How's the trip going?"
But Mary knew from his wide eyes and flamed cheeks that he was anything but calm.
Neither was she.
What had they just done?
XX
Uh oh…
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