A few months have gone by...

XX

"I have to go." Matthew was packing his shirts carefully inside the suitcase. "I have meetings in Copenhagen, Frankfurt, and Paris." He looked around for his shaving kit. He had said his good-byes to Lavinia that morning before she left for school. It was the beginning of the new term and she was to be in meetings all day. His mother had traveled from Manchester, arriving the night before.

Isobel frowned. "Don't you think it's still early to leave?"

Matthew darted a glance at his mother and then back to his task at hand. "I've put these meetings off for two months. I …I've got to go. I've already sent Tom to Dubai as I didn't want to be too far away. Now that he's back at the office it's my turn. This uncertainty surrounding Brexit is making our investors nervous. We need to assuage them in person. I've tried doing it over the phone, but they want to see me," he declaimed. "If I stay here to hold Lavinia's hand much longer, we might lose everything."

Then he shoved his hand through his hair and apologized. "I'm sorry Mother. I didn't mean for it to come out that way." He could not articulate how ineffectual he felt around Lavinia. How with every kind gesture, he wondered if it was an act of duplicity?

"Yes you did in point of fact." Isobel replied back. "But aren't you being overly dramatic? Your business is sound. And from what I understand you have more prospects than ever before."

His eyes turned icy, then tempered. He shoved the kit into the suitcase. "You don't understand. My business is going to survive only if I work at it. I won't lose it. I've worked too hard. We've worked too hard. I don't want anything handed to me. You're here. She loves you. It'll be fine."

"Matthew Reginald Crawley. I did not raise an inconsiderate son." His mother's rebuke was unmistakable. He sighed and turned to listen. His face taut, his lips pursed in a scowl.

"What is going on?" Isobel guided him to sit down on the bed. "Lavinia is back at work, but she is still grieving. You barely speak to her."

"That's not true." Matthew replied through clenched teeth. "We … I…" He finally closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh. "She didn't tell me she knew her father left me Swire Inc. She should have told me."

"Why?" Isobel asked. "Are you afraid of taking up that responsibility?"

"No." Matthew's reply was quick. "You… you don't understand Mother. Reggie was so sure I'd be back. It's like he wanted me to fail. To crawl back to him."

"Or he knew you would succeed in everything you attempted and wanted that grit and expertise to lead his company into the future." Isobel rebutted crisply.

"I'm not sure I can do that." His answer barely audible, saying it half to himself.

"Nonsense." Isobel decried. "Matthew what ever has come over you? You are never this hesitant. This unsure."

Matthew responded, a hollowed out, dead tone to his voice. As if he was only half answering his mother. As if he was instead talking to himself. "I can't take his business and his money because I don't deserve it."

Isobel was at a loss. "What can you possibly mean by that? Is there something you're not telling me? About you or your marriage? Because it looks very much to me like you're running away from something."

His eyes remained hooded, haunted. Not looking at her.

He had no answer to give. Instead Matthew abruptly shook his head. "I don't have time to explain." He grabbed his bag and heading for the stairs. "I've got to get to the airport. My flight is in four hours and you know how security is these days."

He took his keys from the dish by the door and waved a good bye. "I'll call Lavinia when I arrive in Copenhagen." He closed the door.

Isobel stood motionless on the stairs. Her fingers gripped the railing. Matthew was the sweetest of children and the most honest of men. He wore his heart on his sleeve and every emotion on his face.

Matthew was not being inconsiderate, she realized. He was in pain. Something he believed he inflicted on another person.

And she could do nothing to help.

XX

Matthew threw his bag into the overhead bin. Sat down with a grunt. He was finally on the plane. He had to review the chartered surveys of the properties Fonnesbech A/S were interested in purchasing in London. He had to set price points and double check the exchange rates. Tom had texted links to his updates from Dubai and he had to assess his findings.

He had kept everything to do on the flight. To keep himself busy. His mind occupied.

As soon as he sat down, he realized it wouldn't be enough. Nothing would be enough. He had spent weeks immersed in work. It hadn't helped at all.

He tried being extra attentive to Lavinia except he felt a complete fraud. That he was compensating for betraying her. That he was being obvious in his attempts to comfort. He cheated on his wife. No one could tell him any different. The fact that the physical act had not occurred and thus technically no intercourse took place made no difference to him.

He wanted to help Lavinia through this. Despite his own severe reservations about Reggie's will, Matthew knew what it meant to lose a parent. And Lavinia's had now lost both. At first he walked around on eggshells around her. Completing all the paperwork with the coroner and the funeral home. Taking the phone calls from relatives. It had all happened so suddenly. Lavinia was in shock. She had told Matthew she'd help. And once the first few days were over, the two of them organized things with Reggie's distant cousin in Canterbury to gather the family together for the memorial service.

He had held her every night. She fell asleep in his arms. She felt his warmth. His love. She trusted him.

The rush of the plane's ascent forced his eardrums to swell. He squeezed his eyes shut. He almost welcomed the discomfort. She trusted him. And he … he had cheated on her.

Did Lavinia feel it? Did she know it? The growing distance between them.

He wanted to help. He did all the outward signs of it. When the new term started at her school, she was ready. But just in case he invited his mother to come visit and stay as long as she wanted. He had to leave on this trip to Europe. Despite all that's happened on the continent, and in their life, he had to keep working. It was the constant in his life. He had responsibilities to others.

But he was also using the trip as an escape. To sort out what he knew from what he imagined.

His mother didn't want him to go. He knew it. And it wasn't just because Paris was on a terror watch list.

She sensed something was wrong. She had accused him of running away. But she didn't know why.

He did.

Was he imagining the love he felt growing inside for Mary?

Or was it the excuse he used in his mind to justify cheating on his wife. That it was okay as long as you're in love with another woman.

He had been around men who conducted affairs on their wives. In his previous job as a solicitor in a big law firm he had heard others brag about their conquests. About sneaking around. About wives who snooped on mobiles and ugly divorces. It was never okay.

Of course attraction happens. He met and worked with gorgeous, intelligent women all the time in his line of work. Estate agents, brokers, and potential clients moved in and out of his life. He was, though admitting it might make him appear vain, also used to a certain amount of attention as well from the opposite sex. Without overtly seeking it, he had been propositioned for a drink, a cosy tête-à-tête at a private club, or even a week end in Rome once with a particularly keen investment adviser.

He would say he was flattered, but no. Let them down easy and without embarrassment. And he never regretted any of it. He didn't want to go. He wasn't attracted to any of them in that way.

It had never happened to him before.

Then why with Mary? Mary had shifted the ground under his feet. He wanted to be near her all the time. To hear her snarky off colour comments about guests at a party. To debate the merits of an Arabian versus an American Quarter Horse even though he had no clue what she referencing about head sizes and prominent withers.

Those things are ephemeral, he would say to himself. A passing fancy for someone who had led him into a life of things that were new and different. And would ultimately fade.

But it wasn't true. This was different. He had turned around one night at a business dinner he had not been looking forward to, and it had changed his life. She clicked with him. He clicked with her. Their eyes danced and strayed back to each other. Their kiss set off fireworks inside his body. Every nerve ending tingled and burned with an excitement he never got before with anyone else. As painful an admission as that was, he knew it to be true. He wanted more. To explore Mary's mind, her body, her being. He wanted to know everything about her and then start all over again.

Was he in love? Matthew sank deeper into the airline seat. Did it matter if she felt the same as well?

XX

Mary galloped Jellybean easily through her paces. She was compact and strong and with every day Mary realized she had found the perfect successor to Diamond. She clicked and eased up on the reins. Jellybean slowed her stride. Following Mary's commands and responding to her body movements.

Yes, Mary mused. She could work with this animal. Guiding her first around the livery yard to cool down, Mary led the horse back into the stall and dismounted. Taking off her helmet and unpinning her hair. Jellybean relaxed and whinnied. Mary reached out and loosened the cinch and removed the bridle. She replaced it with a halter and removed the saddle. She would clean all the tack in a few minutes but first she wanted to hose off the horse with cold water and remove the dirt and sweat. Once that was all done she put her out for a free turn in the inner paddock.

It was another scorcher of a day.

Mary loved this time alone with her new friend. The peace and quiet of the stable, the soft murmurings of the horse, the routine of grooming were all things she had missed.

She needed to hire a couple of stable hands immediately. That was first on the agenda of things to do now that she was officially in her mind on a leave of absence from Grantham Inc. Then getting builders in to make improvements and modernize the stables, getting her web site organized, finding new students…the list grew exponentially. In addition, she had to begun to consider her own prospects for returning to competition.

The thought shivered through her body. Her mouth perked into a smile. She was going to do this. The local York Riding Show was in two months. It would be a good test for her and Jellybean. And a good opportunity to meet and greet again with the local riding clubs and stables. Get to know new faces, say hello to old ones. Hear the surprise in their voice that Mary Crawley was back. Or the fear…. That made her smile wickedly proud.

She wanted to be back. Even if was going to take a while for her to get back into full competitive mode, she was ready for all of it. She had contacted a personal trainer to set up an exercise regime in muscle fitness and endurance. If this was going to work, she was going to have to go all out.

Her father had not been pleased to hear any of this news. Mary had put off telling him during that first family dinner after the day out with Matthew.

She had to do so by the next month as contractors and masons had already been hired to renovate the stables. Jellybean needed to be moved. She needed to get going if she was ever to get this venture off the ground.

And as predicted, he had ranted and raved and pouted. She was needed in London. The firm should be her first responsibility.

"I am my first responsibility," she had angrily countered. "Any one of two or three people at Grantham can do my job while I am away. I made a list for you and sent it as an email. Everything will be fine."

"But they won't be you…" Robert had tried to say.

Mary scoffed with a vengeance. "You mean you can't hold it over them that they are family and need to do just what you want because otherwise it's a stain against the Crawley name."

"That's unfair."

"Papa." Mary turned on him. "I've done everything you wanted for the past three years. I helped grow your company. I added to its reputation. But yet you still want more. I don't know why Grantham is floundering. I don't know why you saw fit to bring in consultants to help you find new ways to make money even though as far as I know the balance books should be in the black. But you did. And you made me feel like nothing more than a tool in a mechanic's box for you to use to get what you want."

Robert was taken completely aback. "I…I'm sorry if that was how it appeared. As Director of Public Relations, I thought you were the best person for that job."

"I am." Mary tried to calm down. "But you pushed me to do it your way. Over dinner and drinks. To use me as the attraction to join Grantham Inc. Do you have any idea how that looks? How it makes me feel? There are a thousand different ways to win over a client or hire an expert, but you chose that."

Her father looked appropriately chastened. "Is that why you want to leave? I'll do better in the future."

Mary replied, "It's just a leave of absence for now." She took a step closer to her father. "I want you to support me. I want to do this as well as I've done anything in my life. I want to give this new venture as much of myself as possible. You know how much riding has meant to me. Can you do that? For me?"

Her father pulled Mary in close for a deep hug. "Of course …of course."

But Mary also felt her father's fear. Something was wrong with the business. He was not willing to disclose what. Maybe he was too proud? She would give him some time to tell her himself before she pried into the matter. But nor could she go to Matthew to ask as that would be invading client privacy issues.

And she really didn't want to tell her father quite yet about her own relationship with Matthew.

Whatever that relationship was right now.

She had not seen or heard his voice since his last voicemail. The one telling her about Reggie Swire's death. He had clicked off, his voice dry and dull. Distant. Angry.

The only messages she got since were terse emails in response to her memorandums on upkeep and improvements made on Downton Stables. She said she wanted to keep him up to date. He agreed on all her decisions.

She had no idea where they stood. The ball was in his court completely. He was the married one after all. She had not forced him into any kiss. It was ridiculous he was angry with her. Takes two to tango, mister she had said to her laptop one late night when reading yet another of his monosyllabic answers.

Her neurological pathways had shifted…Sybil would dissect and explain. She was not in control of her emotions anymore and it was to be expected.

"Expected of someone in love," Mary bit back. And she wasn't. … In love… with Matthew Crawley. No, no she wasn't.

Sybil simply sniffed, her eyes slitted. "Is that why you're shagging Henry every hour of every day? It's like passive aggressive shagging. You are doing that for an entirely different reason."

Mary groaned noisily. "Oh Sybil, what is that? A psych rotation eval on me? I don't need it." And she shoved her chair away and started to clear off the dinner table.

Sybil didn't bother to respond. She knew she had it right. And so did Mary.

That had been the night before. They both traveled to York for the latest round of the Crawley family dines together.

Edith had been all aglow about her wedding. Mary was happy for her. She and Bertie were so very much obviously in love.

Wasn't that what it was supposed to look like? Not jangly nerves and jittery feelings in your stomach.

Not a pit of emptiness that he wasn't around.

Was that love? Was she in love with Matthew?

True she thought about him way too much. What he was doing? How was he coping? He was away in Europe and she worried.

It wasn't her place to worry, but she did.

She thought about him while riding Jellybean. About how he loved the horse's silly name. About how she loved teaching him how to trot around the livery yard. She had chalked that up to sharing her love of equestrianism with someone else. About getting ready to teach others.

But it was more than that. His face, so happy so content. His observing every little move of her body when he thought she wasn't noticing. The furtive glances. His lips open and full when he kissed her.

He had reached out and pulled her into him. Into his lips. In to the hot center of his desire.

He wanted her. She knew that as much as she knew anything. His tongue danced inside her mouth. He had wanted to feel everything about her.

She was not wrong about that.

But what were they to do? Life had dealt them another hand before they found each other.

Was it right to change that life? To rip apart the lives of others?

Was this attraction enough?

This love?

She should end it… before it got out of hand. Before it really ever began. Don't get involved with someone from business. It only complicated things. She needed him as an investor.

She didn't need him in her life.

Mary squared her shoulders. Adrift in those unsettling thoughts, she had lost the thread of the conversation with her father. He was continuing to talk about the needs of Grantham Inc.

"…I will support your scheme, Mary. Though God knows how you intend to fund it until it becomes profitable. To those ends, I think it best that we at least try to make friends with Matthew. I know it's not up to you anymore. I understand. I'll take matters in to my own hands." Robert said to Mary as her mind drifted back to what he was saying.

Mary was startled back to reality. "What do you mean?" Her voice chilly. "What have you done Papa?"

"I've invited him to dine with us next month when he gets back from this trip to Europe. I told him that we had gotten off on the wrong foot, and I really want his input and his ideas." Robert furrowed his eyebrows at Mary's sudden stiffness. "You don't like him, I know. Because of how I forced you two to meet. But we do need him. And I'm going to try to set aside my own reservations about his attitude to listen to him."

He looked hopefully at his daughter. "I'm asking you to do the same. Will you make the time? I think it will be good to have in the entire family. So it won't look like I'm ambushing him."

Mary's response was slow to come. Her father believed she disliked the new consultant. Who thought she'd only attend out of duty.

Indeed, Mary felt betrayed by her own body. A frisson of pleasure swept through her at the mention of his name. At the idea of seeing him again. She would have to disclose at some point that Matthew was far more than some nameless consultant. That he was her business partner. He was someone she trusted.

Someone she most probably, in the depths of the heart she claimed she did not possess, love.

"Yes Papa," Mary finally found her voice. Strong and clear she said, "I'll be there. You can count on me."

"Thank you Mary." Her father replied warmly. "I know how much of a sacrifice this will be for you. Maybe it will do us all some good."

Mary could only give the slightest nod of her head in response. She had the distinct feeling that after this dinner, not one of their lives would be quite the same.

That flash of insight into the future left her breathless. Scared. Excited.

Would she be ready for whatever was to come?

XX

A shorter than usual chapter. But I'm still setting stuff up in my own mind about how to take this story. Are they doing the right thing? I'm not going to make things easy on them. So I want all of your input and opinons please! You're all so great to like this story so much. Thanks!