A/N: Greetings. So a couple of mistakes… this is why it's difficult to write historical fics. SIGH.

So they are officially going toward the Rogue River Valley. Tbh, I am not sure where I got the Willamette Valley from. So any instance where you see Willamette Valley, replace it in your head with Rogue River Valley. Yes? Yes. Good.

Additionally, last chapter James said something about them coming on a fort soon. This is just plain wrong, and my bad. I was looking at the wrong year maps. There isn't another Fort or trading post or ANYTHING from where they are to their destination… So let's pretend that never happened, okay?

Okay. Onward!

It was late morning before Edward couldn't force himself back to sleep any longer. Since the dawn hours, the crunch of wagon wheels and lowing of animals had kept him from a deep sleep, but now he was well and truly awake. He let his eyes open slowly, reluctant to face what the day would bring.

The first thing he saw was his wife. She rested with her head on his chest, just as dirty and disheveled as he was. Still, she was a vision, and he regretted his reluctance to open his eyes. As long as they day brought more time with Bella, it wasn't a bad day at all.

Bella made a soft noise in her sleep and snuggled closer to him though that was hardly possible. Since Alistair's death too few hours before, they could not seem to stop touching. Edward couldn't keep her close enough. Today life seemed more fleeting and fragile than usual.

With great effort, Edward managed to tear his gaze away from his wife long enough to look around the rest of the camp. James, Victor, and Laurent were missing. That wasn't surprising. They must have been out hunting or fishing. What was surprising was that James had let Edward sleep. He supposed there must have been some level of mercy in the man. The other three hadn't been awake most the night with a dying man and a laboring woman. That was a family affair. Today would be difficult, and Edward's place was here.

But for at least another handful of moments, no one needed Edward. He was free to do what he did best: fret.

Edward turned his attention back to Bella. He shifted carefully so he could look on her face. His beautiful wife. She was irresistible, and that was a problem. In the height of passion, it had seemed easy to play down the dangers they were facing. What was one night? Surely they could have one night.

Now, though, the dangers had grown considerably. Now that the food situation was close to dire, James had instituted strict rationing of what they had left. They would hunt, fish, and gather to supplement, but they couldn't afford to depend on the idea they would be able to find their own food in the wild. They were coming up on an area where the hunting wasn't good, not at this time of year. Beyond that lay a small stretch of desert; there would be no fish and very sparse plantlife.

If he and Bella had started a child in the fur trappers' cabin, they wouldn't know for some time. Breeding women were always given hearty portions and for good reason. It was likely Bella would grow weak along with the rest of the group. If the child took what little sustenance she had…

Bella stirred in his arms, breaking the hold of his increasing paranoia. He tilted her chin up to kiss her into wakefulness, treasuring the soft whimper that vibrated against his lips. Her fingers slid along his neck and tangled in his hair.

It was the only reassurance he needed. They were alive now and both robust in health. With his kisses, he vowed again he would protect her. Another two and a half months and they would be home.

Well, they would be at the end of this particular journey at any rate.

~0~

Lunch that afternoon was a bittersweet affair.

As Rosalie was too weak yet to move, the family gathered around her to eat. The atmosphere of grief hung on them, a physical weight that choked like dust. But like a candle in a darkened room, the little bundle in Emmett's arms gave everyone a reason to smile. They passed the baby around as they ate, each of them taking the time to greet this new life properly as they hadn't been able to do in the chaos of the night before.

"What will you name him?" Esme asked, reluctantly putting her new grandson back in her son's arms.

"Jacob," Emmett said, looking down on the baby with a tender smile. "Jacob Alistair Cullen."

Vera put her hand to Emmett's back, the other at her heart. "He'd like that," she whispered, and she gathered her abnormally quiet little boys close to her for a hug.

After lunch, they all got down to the heartbreaking task of leaving a loved one behind.

Emmett, Jasper, and Vera carried Alistair's body to the riverside to be cleaned while Edward and his fellow guides-back from a morning of hunting-began to dig a grave in the shade of a tree just off the trail. The women and boys were instructed to gather as many large stones as they could. Carlisle was convinced to go back and rest after he checked on Rosalie and baby Jacob. He'd had too little rest to lose the pallor of exhaustion.

"Why does Papa's grave need rocks?" Peter asked. He was trying so hard to be brave, trying not to cry though it was very obvious he wanted to. "Jasper and Rosalie's Mommy lives in a cemetery. Her grave has no rocks."

Edward hesitated, looking to Vera who nodded once in permission. Edward slipped his arm around the little boy and gave him a tight squeeze. "In the city, we put people in cemeteries so they won't be disturbed. There are no cemeteries out here, so we put the stones down so animals won't bother your Papa."

Peter took a gasping breath, fighting the tears in his eyes. "But people visit cemeteries. Papa will be all alone with the wolves." His voice cracked, his face the picture of misery.

Edward closed his eyes and scooped the boy into a hug. "Peter, people pass by this place day after day ever year. You remember you've seen graves by the trail."

Peter sniffled and nodded, wiping at his eyes. "Yes. Henry likes putting flowers on them."

"That's right. So he won't be alone." He touched the little boy's chest. "And he'll always be with you here. You'll remember him, and he'll know."

The boy sniffled again, getting control of himself. "Okay. I'll get more rocks."

As he scampered away, Edward's heart ached. He worked beside the other guides in silence, lost in his thoughts until Bella came to bring him a canteen.

She touched his arm, looking at him in concern. Doubtless she'd read the tension in his body language. "Is it Maggie?" she asked, looking between him and the open grave.

"Partially." He put his hand over hers against his shoulder. Trust Bella to think of him through all this. She was right; it was impossible not to think of Maggie when he was digging another grave off the trail. "I'm thinking of all of them."

"All of whom?"

"Everyone I've seen fall on the trail."

Bella took a deep breath and pulled him over to a boulder to sit. "Will you tell me?"

He knew she was asking because she thought he needed to talk about it. He hadn't realized how much he kept bottled up about the things he'd seen and done on the trail before he had her. She was slowly absolving him of old, long-held guilt. "I probably shouldn't tell you," he said.

She just took his hand in hers and set her shoulders, looking at him with a steady gaze.

Edward had to swallow hard past the lump in his throat before he could speak. "I don't want to say Alistair is lucky because he wasn't. He suffered so much, and it wasn't his own foolishness that got him killed. Or anyone else's for that matter."

Bella squeezed his hand, knowing he was dwelling again on his part in Maggie's death. It took him a moment, but he squeezed back and tilted his head to rest against hers.

"What I mean to say is, it didn't take him so terribly long to die," Edward continued. At her sharp breath, he winced. "I know. There's no right way to say it, I think. He was in a lot of pain for too long as it was, but because it happened the way it did, we didn't have to make impossible choices.

"Think of what might have happened if he'd survived an amputation. Rosalie won't recover for some time. Weeks if we're lucky. If her father had survived, we wouldn't have had room for them both in the wagons."

"That would have been difficult but what do you mean about impossible choices?" Bella asked. "We would have made sacrifices and left other things behind."

"At this point, most everything we have in those two wagons is a necessity for survival, but that's not really what I'm talking about."

Edward tapped his fingers on his knee, second-guessing himself as to whether or not he should put these kinds of thoughts in Bella's head. He had to hold this knowledge, but did she? He sighed and spoke softly. "There are times when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt a person is going to die. I've seen it happen where a family has little choice but to move on, leaving their loved one to die on their own by the side of the trail."

"That's barbarous," Bella said with a gasp.

"It is, but you know by now it comes down to survival out here. Our group has some leeway because we've made good time to this point, but that doesn't mean that time won't run out. This debacle from start to finish may end up costing us four to five days. That's near on a week, and we're not so close to where we're going that we can afford to lose that kind of time. Winter may hit early or the rivers may flood. We can't know how much time we actually have. There's a reason folks find themselves in the middle of the worst case scenario and they have to make those kinds of decisions."

He nuzzled the top of her head. "That's what I was thinking about. It's terrible. It'll be terrible for the family to leave him here in the earth, to know they'll never be able to visit his grave or assure it remains undisturbed."

"But at least we get the chance to bury him," Bella finished. "At least we know his suffering is over."

Edward nodded, and Bella tilted her head to kiss the underside of his chin. "It must be terrible having seen all these things," she said.

"It's life, I think. Terrible things happen in the city and the countryside. Terrible things happen even when you have walls and a roof over your head. Out here, our little society is simply more concentrated, and we're constantly exposing ourselves to the dangers of the trail. Something has to give."

He pulled back so he could take her face in his hands. "But I'll tell you, Bella. It all gives me an appreciation for what I have." He kissed her and closed his eyes, holding her close. "I won't take you or this life for granted. Not ever."

"Hey, Masen. You planning on helping us finish or are you done for the day?" James called from the gravesite.

Edward got to his feet, pulling Bella with him. He squeezed her hands once before he went back to his work.

~0~

The Cullens and Hales buried Alistair that afternoon. They camped and turned in early, and they were back on the trail the next morning having lost four days travel. Because the wagon train was so long and many families had been delayed by the storm, they weren't alone on the trail, and that was some comfort at least.

They were traversing over a rocky, difficult trail as they headed toward Granite Mountain. Rosalie was far from comfortable, tucked as she was in a small space in the wagons. The rough road caused her no small amount of pain. It was simply too dangerous to have baby Jacob there with her for long amounts of time.

Esme helped fashion a sling so the baby could be carried easily. Esme spent a great deal of time with Vera and her boys. Alice was worried about Jasper who was taking his father's death hard. Emmett and Carlisle had other duties about the wagon train, Emmett consistently looking after the wagons and Carlisle going about doctoring with their new friends at the back of the train. As a result, it was Bella who was usually saddled with baby Jacob.

She didn't seem to mind. It didn't take long for the baby to become attuned to her. Besides his mother, Bella could soothe Jacob most easily.

The simultaneous hope and dread that curled in Edward's stomach every time he saw her with the baby left Edward brooding. Useless though it was so soon after they'd been together, he worried and watched Bella constantly for signs she might be carrying. Some days back on the trail, she was still fine and strong.

The group fell into a routine. There was no more schooling for the children or dancing for the young the people. Instead, every evening the food stuff was carefully inventoried and portioned out for as filling a dinner as they dared make. Then, each member of the group set about seeing what they could do to add to their supplies.

Edward taught Bella, Alice, and the boys how to recognize some of the plant life around them. The boys seemed to concentrate on finding currents and black raspberries. Bella even found something Edward identified as asparagus-which she had never heard of- and they filled their bellies that day. The men hunted and fished.

As Edward had figured, there wasn't much game to be found. James had some luck with a gaggle of geese he found, but there wasn't much to be said for the larger game animals.

Fishing was a little more successful. Those were the nights Edward loved most-when it was he and Bella who were sent to the water to see what they could catch. The fish were much larger and more plentiful than they had been earlier in the season. The right-sized catfish or salmon could feed the entire group. A single trout could make a hearty meal for someone.

In the evening, Edward helped the other guides set rope traps in the hopes of snaring smaller game like prairie dogs and squirrels. He caught a rabbit and remembered the early days on the trail, when he was so often in trouble with Bella and he'd brought her rabbit stew to beg her forgiveness.

They survived. They weren't in trouble yet.

Just after they traversed Granite Mountain was a cutoff Edward identified as the Salt Lake Cutoff Junction.

"There are four main destinations off this trail," Edward told Bella later that night when she asked. "Oregon City and the Rouge River Valley in the North, and Sacramento and Salt Lake City to the South."

"Alice said the water of Salt Lake is actually salty like the ocean."

"She's right."

Bella was quiet for a moment. "Have you seen it? Or California?"

He shook his head as he pressed tender kisses to her hairline. "Our trains always went North. When I first travelled the trail, those routes didn't yet exist. Now James hears rumors about gold in California. He thinks a good many people might be headed out in that direction to make their fortune. Can you imagine?" He chuckled.

She hummed, tired. "I can't imagine Oregon, let alone great salt lakes and gold."

"I would take you there if you wanted," Edward said. "If it was the best thing for our family."

"Edward." Bella rolled over onto her belly so she was propped up on his chest. "After this journey, I never want to travel a day in my life."

He smiled and kissed the fingertips she traced over his lips. "I can do that too. If it's best for our family."

They lay quiet for another few minutes. Bella ran her fingers absently along his beard and he smoothed out her hair. "What are you thinking?" he asked when he realized he wasn't close to sleep and he missed the sound of her voice.

She hummed. "I was wondering where we'd be on my birthday. It's my birthday in three weeks. Did you know that?"

His lips tugged down at the corners. "I didn't, actually. Nineteen." She lifted her head and he waggled his eyebrows at her. "Practically an old maid."

She smacked his chest but then she pecked his lips. She pulled back, looking at him with a curious expression. "Edward… how old are you?"

He laughed. "You don't know?"

"That's strange. I guess I don't."

"That's true. I suppose it never came up." He gave her a wry smile. "It seems like you've been a part of me forever, Bella, but we've had so little time."

He would never be used to how great it was to earn her shy smiles. He loved the bashful way she ducked her head and the way her tired eyes sparked. "And yet you didn't answer my question," she said, bopping the tip of his nose.

"I turned thirty-one in June." He watched her carefully, but she didn't react to his admission. "Did you know that, sweetheart? That you have an old man for a husband?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "I have a ninny for a husband. That much I can tell you."

"Your friends married men their own age."

"You are remarkably observant."

"Bella."

"Are we back to this? Do you want me to say I wish I'd had someone else? Well, you best get used the idea that what I'm glad for is you. Maybe we stumbled our way into this marriage, and I still have no idea what I'm going to say to my father, but I'm glad for it, regardless. As long as it was you, I wouldn't have cared if you were fifty-seven."

In spite of himself, he chuckled, and he had to wrap his arms tighter around her when she made to shove him away. "I'm sorry. I had the sudden image of you kissing a grey-haired old man, and it was either laugh or be violently ill." He kissed the tip of your nose. "And I have to admit, I find you quite adorable when you're yelling at me."

She narrowed her eyes and pushed at him again. "Edward Masen, I'm fair sure you're supposed to find me intimidating when I yell at you. Not adorable."

He caught her flailing hand and held it close to his chest. "Ah, yes, well, that too," he said and kissed her until they both fell asleep.

A/N: Many thanks to jessypt and barburella!

Our tale is winding up pretty soon here. I'm thinking maybe three more chapters. We'll see how it goes.

SO. How's everyone doing?