Author Notes: This story contains themes that may make some readers uncomfortable. If femslash or the thought of two consenting adults engaging in a relationship that is considered taboo in the real world offends you, then this story is not for you. I welcome reviews and critiques, but the world already has enough hate, so please keep your flames to yourself. There are many other wonderful stories on this site, and I won't be offended if you choose one of them instead. Standard Disclaimer: I don't make claims on any Disney trademarks/copyrights and mean no infringement on them or anybody else.
Special Note: The original chapter 6 was too long, so I split it into three shorter chapters. I got a little too laser targeted on getting it done before surgery and didn't pay attention to the length. This chapter is the tea scene from the original.
Chapter 7.
At eight to nine, Anna gave up. She couldn't wait another second; knowing she would soon be sitting with Elsa, eating chocolate and having tea, was more than she could stand. Smoothing her dress, she dashed out the door intent on surprising Elsa when she arrived later.
She wasn't expecting anyone else to be in the hall, so she only had a moment to be startled before she collided with her sister. Elsa made a noise and stepped away quickly.
"Oh, wow! I'm really sorry, Elsa. I didn't expect you—wait, why aren't you still in your room?" Anna blinked several times.
Elsa raised an eyebrow at her. "Why aren't you?"
"Um…." Anna blushed. "I couldn't wait anymore. I'm really looking forward to this and I didn't want to miss a minute, and staring at the wall in my room was getting a little frustrating, so—"
"And you don't suppose I might feel the same?" Elsa realized she sounded sharp and smiled. Anna was very cute when she blushed, but making her feel she'd done something wrong wouldn't set the right tone for their tea. "I've been trying to read for an hour, and I couldn't look at the same two pages another time without screaming."
Cocking her head, Anna studied her curiously. Elsa rarely admitted to emotions such as impatience. "Why didn't you come get me?"
"Because I said nine and the kitchen wouldn't be ready any earlier."
Snickering, Anna shook her head. "You can be maddeningly precise, did you know that?" She spoke in a reasonable imitation of her sister's voice.
Elsa gave her a dirty look. Inside, she giggled as well, but she didn't want her sister to realize that. "And you can be maddeningly tardy." She smirked. "Early to dinner and early to tea; are you not feeling well?"
"Elsa, that's mean! I wanted to be early so I could spend time with you." She was almost certain Elsa was teasing her, but she protested anyway.
"I'm glad." Elsa swallowed and looked away. "I was worried you were done with me after the way I've been acting."
This admission was even more startling than the first, and Anna didn't know how to react. Elsa glanced at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before smiling tentatively. Anna almost melted. Her sister could be so commanding and then turn around and appear so vulnerable that it made her heart beat erratically. She wanted to gather her up and hold her forever.
"You'll never get rid of me!" She grinned and started to link arms with her sister. At the last moment, she realized Elsa might not like that and pulled away.
Elsa studied her. She'd seen the expression cross Anna's face a few moments earlier and wondered what it meant. It wasn't the first time her sister gazed at her with a … an indefinable wanting. She wasn't worrying about physical contact, though that was there too, but something deeper that even Anna might not know about herself.
She'd love to find out that wanting involved her in a way beyond sisters, but she knew better. More likely, Anna just wasn't sure how to act around her. With a soft sigh, she smiled again. "I'm glad. Shall we?" She gestured down the hall, and the two started walking.
Anna couldn't help skipping along, unable to contain her happiness at finally being in the same room as her sister without a dozen other people all vying for the Queen's attention as well. She was skipping slowly, trying to keep with Elsa's more stately pace, but skipping nonetheless.
Elsa, casting glances at her sister bouncing along beside her, wondered if she'd last the entire hour without making some excuse to leave. Being near Anna was certainly not as difficult as she thought, but her heart was still thudding and she feared her sister would guess why.
They reached the parlor, and Anna looked somewhat confused when Elsa took the chair closest to the fireplace. In a voice that betrayed her feelings, she said, "Aren't we sitting on the couch like we always do?"
"No."
The moment Anna passed her in the doorway Elsa recognized the danger in sitting side-by-side. She wouldn't survive Anna leaning against her and stroking her arm. That much contact would kill her. The chair wasn't very comfortable, but there was no way for Anna to join her unless she sat on Elsa's lap. That thought sent a slight shiver through her and she fought to keep her face impassive.
"You can take all the room you want tonight, so stretch out, put your feet on the arm like Bridgette is always telling you not to, and relax."
"I'd rather have you." Anna pouted; it usually worked, but this time Elsa's flat expression never wavered. Finally, she sighed and flopped down into the cushions. "Fine."
Elsa hoped the kitchen was ready; she didn't want to spend fifteen minutes with Anna having nothing to distract her from the questions she was certain to ask. They were questions she was determined to answer, but not until she had tea and some chocolate.
She'd pulled the cord when they entered the parlor, and with luck, they would have everything already prepared. "Thank you for your help at dinner." With a wry smile, she added, "I guess you've been paying more attention to your etiquette lessons than everyone thought."
"I'll always do my best for you, Elsa—and for Arendelle, of course." Anna was pleased to get confirmation she'd done well at the meal. A compliment right away boded well for the upcoming hour. "And I do know how to act properly, you know."
With a chuckle, Elsa leaned back, attempting to relax. In her nervousness, she'd picked the one chair in the room that she hated and she couldn't get up and move now; Anna would pout more if it wasn't to sit next to her.
"It showed." She tried once more to get comfortable. "I will expect better reports from Mrs. Iverson, though."
Anna groaned. "Oh, come on, Elsa! That woman is the most boring person I've ever met."
"You must be prepared to assume the throne at any time, Anna. I know you don't like to think about that, but you are the next in line."
"Please tell me that's not what we're going to talk about for the next hour." Anna prayed it wasn't. The one thing she despised thinking about most was the possibility something could happen to her sister before they were both old and gray.
Too late, Elsa remembered that Anna hated being reminded she was now the Crown Princess. It wasn't a subject she particularly wanted to discuss over tea either, and she sighed heavily. "No, of course not. I was only mentioning it. I'm sorry, I didn't think."
"O-ok." Anna didn't know what to say next, so she just smiled and started bouncing a leg. The short silence was broken when a maid brought in the tea and she perked up at the array of sweets on the cart. She glanced up and found Elsa smiling at her gently, opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again and shifted uncomfortably.
For some reason, Elsa's smile made her heart pound. She wanted to put it down to fear she'd done something wrong, but it wasn't that at all. It was the love in her sister's deep blue eyes, now enveloping her like a warm mist, which made her throat dry. I didn't realize how much I missed her smile. Even though she missed it, having it aimed at her so intensely made her a little nervous.
Elsa watched the expressions sort across her sister's face, and the fidgeting as she tried to act like nothing was wrong. She couldn't seem to look away, even as she realized her gaze was making Anna squirm. After what felt like far too long, the maid finished setting out the tea and sweets, and Elsa dismissed her with a calm voice she hoped would keep Anna from feeling she was going to be lectured or chastised after all.
"I hope the kitchen sent up the right things. I told Bridgette what to have them prepare."
"Oh! Ah…." Anna jumped. She'd been so busy trying to understand why Elsa's soft smile was making her sweat, she hadn't even noticed they were now alone. A glance at the table brought a huge grin and eliminated her discomfort almost instantly. "Wow, you went all out, didn't you? Five kinds of truffles? And … wait, are those lemon meringue tarts?"
Elsa nodded, her smile changing into something more neutral, though not dimming at all. "Yes."
"The kitchen is out of them! How did you…?"
With a slight smirk, Elsa replied, "Being Queen has its advantages." Or rather, Bridgette can work miracles. I suspect no one will have lemons for tea tomorrow, though.
"You … you're…." Anna didn't quite know what so say. "You really did that?"
"Yes, I did. I hoped a surprise might make you smile." Elsa sighed. "Freya knows I've done the opposite enough lately." The joy on her sister's face made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. That she had found no other option but to avoid those expressions altogether made the latter more likely, and she quickly looked away.
"Elsa?" Anna glimpsed tears welling up in her sister's eyes as she physically turned and looked in a different direction. "Are you crying?"
"No." Elsa pulled her emotions back inside and forced herself to face Anna again. "I just … missed you." Her only chance of surviving the next hour lay in telling simple truths and avoiding a deep discussion. Though it would be difficult, especially if Anna started to obsess about a question like she sometimes did, it had to be done.
Anna blinked a few times. The answer surprised her, and she felt bad for considering it might be a lie. "I missed you, too, Elsa. What did I do—"
Elsa quickly reached for a plate and held it out in front of her. "Eat first." She tried to sound calm. "Or I might not leave you any tarts."
"I told you I'd wrestle you for the last one." Anna recognized the attempt to distract her with food, but let her do it. With a sigh, she turned to the selection of desserts and piled her plate in a manner that most princesses would never consider appropriate. Maybe if she asked without looking at her sister, she might get an answer. "Why have you been so hard to find, lately?"
"I've had a great deal of work with these meetings," Elsa responded, again trying to present partial truths as fact. "And … I've just been having a hard time, that's all."
Anna spoke around a mouthful of chocolate cake. "You know you can talk to me about anything, don't you?" It didn't come out as intelligibly as she expected, but she was fairly certain Elsa understood her.
Picking up her tea, Elsa leaned back and drew in a long breath. "Yes, I know. Unfortunately, Anna, there are some things I just have to deal with on my own."
"Is it anything I've done?"
"No. Not at all." Elsa didn't need to force the smile. "You are beautiful and perfect in almost every way." A second later she realized how that might sound and blushed.
Confused by both the compliment and the sudden reddening of her sister's face, Anna took another bite of cake and considered how to respond. Elsa obviously wasn't completely comfortable, and the way she kept meeting Anna's eyes and then quickly looking away baffled her.
"Well … then…." Anna drew in her breath. "I know you're busy, and I can see why these meetings are so important, but…." She trailed off, unable to force the words out. Elsa looked at her as though she dreaded the question. "Never mind."
She wanted to know why Elsa suddenly pulled away, wanted to desperately, but at the same time she didn't want to upset the attempt her sister was making to bridge the gap. She'd just have to wait a little longer until Elsa relaxed more. Confused, she took a slightly too large sip of tea and sputtered as it burned her tongue.
Elsa watched the emotions flashing across Anna's face, leading to her not-uncommon mistake of consuming hot things without caution. Anna jumped and made noises, fanning her tongue and looking embarrassed. Elsa failed to contain her giggles, bringing her hand up to hide her mouth as she always did.
"Ith nah hunny!" Anna was annoyed at her sister's amusement, though it also signaled an opening in Elsa's stoic demeanor. "Fyeeth my hongue or humhing."
Laughing harder, Elsa reached out and wiggled her fingers; a small ball of ice appeared beside Anna's teacup, and her sister scooped it up, shoving it into her mouth as quickly as she could. A look of relief spread across her face, and she relaxed back into the cushions.
Anna gratefully sucked on the ice, though annoyed at the laughing. It took a minute for the pain to subside, and by then all was forgiven. "That really hurt."
"I can imagine." Picking up her own tea again, Elsa studied her over the rim. "I'd think you would remember not to do that." Anna glared at her and she chuckled. It felt good, after so long, to laugh at something silly. She moved her hand slightly. "Your tea should be drinkable now, by the way."
Her sister's laughter drove away Anna's irritation. "I've missed that," she murmured. When Elsa fell silent, she looked up and found the blonde's face pink with apparent embarrassment. "Oh. I said that out loud, didn't I?"
Elsa nodded. "I'm sorry; watching you is just so relaxing I can't help myself. I promise I won't laugh at you again." She knew Anna felt ignored and laughing at her clumsiness wasn't a good way to warm things up.
"If it'll make you smile, I don't care." Anna couldn't tear her gaze away from her sister's face; tension still showed, but the corners of the Queen's mouth twitched upward. "I've really missed you, Elsa."
"I know; I can't make up for it, but I'll do my best to stop being so awful to you." Elsa blushed harder and averted her gaze.
Anna sighed. "I wish you'd tell me what I did to make you start avoiding me."
Closing her eyes, Elsa forced away the snow that always followed her guilt. "It's complicated." She didn't dare try to explain further. "I told you it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't."
"Is it because of Kristoff?" Elsa's head jerked up and her eyes flew open. Bingo. Astrid was right. Coughing, Anna spoke again. "Someone suggested that … you were jealous of him."
"But … I … He … Who told you that?" Elsa was at a loss for words; Anna clearly knew of at least one reason for her distance, and she feared it wasn't the only one.
"It doesn't matter. It's true, isn't it?"
Elsa's mouth moved silently for a few seconds. Who told her? What else did they say? "Yes. But … I have no right to be, and I'm sorry about it."
Anna bounced both legs nervously this time. Should I tell her about this afternoon? What if she gets mad at Kristoff for kissing me … and we did it in public, too? What if she tells me I'm an idiot? She decided to avoid the issue, too worried it would ruin the evening.
"I know I was spending a lot of time with him." She glanced away. "At first, you had too much work to do, and I was bored sitting around the castle. He offered to take me exploring, and I got obsessed with it, I guess."
"And you fell in love with him." Elsa sighed heavily. "I'm jealous, but I understand why you're with him so much. I'm still new at dealing with people and I overreacted. It's no excuse but—"
"Why didn't you just say something?" Anna drew her eyebrows together. "We promised to be open with each other, remember?"
Elsa did; they made the promise after that bastard Hans was out of Arendelle, safely locked up in the brig of a southbound ship. Elsa swore to tell her sister if something made her unhappy, scared, worried—she'd broken that promise a hundred times over, and it pained her to admit it. "We did. I didn't want to interfere in your relationship, that's all."
"Um, that was kinda the point of the agreement, Elsa. I wanted you to feel comfortable doing that if you needed to—for any reason."
The original idea came out of Elsa's worry that Anna might fall in love with whoever suggested they loved her and Anna's worry that Elsa might be overwhelmed by suddenly being required to deal with so many people. They'd promised to keep communication about those things open no matter what.
She dropped her head. "I'm sorry." That promise can't cover admitting this.
"Stop saying you're sorry!" Anna jumped up and started pacing, not annoyed enough to pass by the table without selecting something else to eat. "If that's the reason you started ignoring me, I'm pretty angry. All you had to say was that you wanted to spend more time with me. That's all it would've taken, Elsa—you opening your mouth and saying something."
"Anna, please." Elsa started to panic. "I know that's what I should've done—I get that. I tried to work it out on my own and I failed."
With a growl, Anna grabbed another truffle. "You damn sure did! And what happened? Exactly what we were trying to avoid. You hiding in your room and ignoring me. All of this because you broke our promise."
Elsa felt the cold starting to run through her body and bit her lip. "That's not the only reason. I wouldn't have pulled away over something like that." Only after Anna stopped and stared at her did she realize what she'd said. Shit!
For several long seconds, Anna stared at her sister. "Then why did you?"
"Well, there's so much paperwork and meetings with the Council and diplomats, I … had my priorities wrong." Yet another truth that had little to do with her real reasons.
"Stop avoiding the question!" Anna could tell her sister was trying to get out of answering and it made her angry. "You kissed my forehead goodnight and then refused to speak to me the next morning. You've avoided me ever since. Maybe all that did stress you out, but it's no reason for what you're doing to me. To me, Elsa. You're avoiding me. Why?"
A few flakes swirled around Elsa's head and the room temperature dropped. She pulled them back inside and tried to come up with some other excuse. "Anna … that's … well, I told you I was having a hard time, and…." She looked away and turned red. The flurries started again.
Cold and snow. I've seen a lot of that lately. Is it because she's doing too much? Or— Anna frowned. "Your powers." Elsa dropped her head. "It's because of your powers, isn't it?" Of course! Why didn't I realize sooner? It's the only thing that makes sense. She's trying to protect me.
Elsa debated claiming that to be the reason, not wanting her sister to insist on helping her with something she would only make worse. Lying wasn't in her nature, though, and she searched for some way to deflect the question without a direct answer.
Watching the emotions sort across her sister's face, Anna wondered why Elsa didn't just come out and say yes or no. She can't possibly be embarrassed. Is there something else she's hiding? What could that possibly be? Just how bad is it—?
"If you're worried about me, don't be," Anna said earnestly. "I'm not afraid of you, and I never will be. You don't have to go this thing alone. I'll help you, Elsa. Just ask and I'll do it. I'll do anything—"
"You've seen what's happened outside my chambers. You can't help with what happens inside—" Elsa gritted her teeth. "You have no idea how dangerous it would be." That much was very true, and she let her sister assume that was the reason. Worrying about Anna was part of why she was having so much trouble with her powers. If her sister were around when she seriously slipped it could end horribly.
Anna blinked a few times. "Dangerous? Compared to freezing my heart, I'm not sure anything you do is dangerous."
"That could happen again!" Elsa leaped up and hugged herself. The idea of hurting Anna that badly, only because she was trying to keep from revealing her true feelings, terrified her. "I won't risk harming you, Anna. Never again; I've hurt you too many times already."
"Um … well … I suppose killing me was pretty extreme…" Anna fully processed her sister's statement. "Ok, it was a huge accident, but it was an accident, and you had no control when it happened. One time, Elsa. I know you won't do it again." Too many times? Anna had a flash of snow and falling, the image vanishing when she tried to grab it. "It was only once, right?"
Elsa gasped and froze in place. The swirl was heavier this time. "Only…?" What do I say? If I tell her, she really will hate me. She turned away, hugging herself tighter. "It's too dangerous. You may be able to shrug it off, but I can't. I killed you, Anna, and I won't risk doing it again. It's worse than you think." Her voice trembled with fear, any thought of discussing their childhood gone under the memories of what happened so recently—what could happen again. "It's worse than everyone thinks."
"What happened? Did something happen that night? I know you have nightmares; you could've gotten me up. I'd do whatever I could—and at least I'd have a reason." Anna wanted to hug her sister but suspected it would not go well. She bit her lip. Elsa was drawing away from her; things were going very wrong, very quickly.
The second question brought a crushing sense of guilt and Elsa turned further away. "Something happened. You couldn't—can't help me with this. I wish you could." Oh, how I wish you could. "I'll be honest, Anna; I was afraid that if I told you how much my powers were slipping, other people would find out. Not that you'd do it on purpose! You just … sometimes say things you don't realize you're saying." The statement was the closest truth yet. She did fear Anna letting something slip. Tears welled up, a few running down her cheeks. I've told her now. If she does accidentally—I could lose everything. Maybe I deserve to.
After an even longer silence, Anna sighed. Despite being hurt by the comment, it was true. She wasn't politically savvy by any means, but she knew a rumor about the Ice Queen struggling with her powers would be disastrous. Moreover, when it came to Elsa's magic, she had to accept she really couldn't help.
Her sister's admission explained so many things that it had to be true. Even though Elsa was avoiding her, Anna still caught her sister looking at her with an expression that was clearly longing. She'd seen Elsa look at her with such love and affection—even though she'd turn instantly and leave. The door all over again; she's locking herself up in another box. I can't let that happen—I won't let that happen. I love her too much….
Elsa didn't want to see her sister's anger. Anna's lack of a self-censor was a sore subject, and since she was already irritated… She didn't expect the hand that touched her shoulder and jumped, drawing a startled breath.
Sensing she couldn't keep being confrontational without Elsa leaving, Anna squeezed her sister's shoulder gently. "Hey. You're talking to me now, so everything's fine, right? Even though I wish I could be there for you when it comes to your powers, I realize I can't be. It frustrates me so much knowing there's nobody who can do that." I bet Grand Pabbie could—but I'm not lighting that match.
"Thank you." Elsa sniffled a few times and wiped her eyes. Turning to face her sister, she smiled genuinely. "I have missed you, more than I can express, Anna. Things are still … difficult … but I will do my best to not exclude you anymore."
Hesitantly, Anna bit her lip and looked at her sister. If she was going to ask about Elsa's expression at dinner, now was the time.
"Um, can I ask one more question?"
Elsa raised an eyebrow. "Of course, you can. I won't guarantee I can answer it, though."
Anna shifted nervously. "Earlier, before dinner; you looked strange coming into the sitting room. Like you were hurt or something. Are you? You haven't hurt yourself have you?"
Eyes widening in panic, Elsa started to tremble. Keep it inside. Conceal. Conceal. "I … was just still annoyed with Lord Fritzen, that's all."
Anna pursed her lips. "I'd understand if you were still mad at Kristoff, too. He was a dunderhead the whole conversation, and you did come in at the worst possible time. The marriage thing was a complete misunderstanding, and he only made it worse."
Elsa realized her sister assumed that if she wasn't hurt she was angry. So she didn't notice anything about me before. She sighed in relief. "Wait. A misunderstanding?"
Aw, crap. "Um, yeah. What you overheard had nothing to do with really getting married." Anna fidgeted and cleared her throat. Should I tell her or not? "I mean, I know there's lots of reasons we shouldn't get married, like him being, well … not royalty." Elsa raised an eyebrow, and she blushed. "I'm not stupid, Elsa. We're both going be inundated with courting letters in a while and the Council will push hard for me to accept one instead of marrying … him."
"It's already started," Elsa replied quietly. "And yes, that is a barrier. If you're truly in love—and it's hard to deny you aren't—I will do everything within my power to make it happen, I promise." Even if it breaks me.
"Oh. Um." Anna cocked her head, suddenly alert. "Wait, what? What do you mean, it's already started? Have you gotten letters? Are any of them people we've met? Wouldn't it be romantic if you married someone from the coronation? Well, ok, maybe that wouldn't be romantic … actually, it's kinda creepy, now that I think about it. Since I tried to marry that bastard Hans and all. Oh! But I met Kristoff because of it! So maybe there's someone—"
"Anna." Elsa's voice was quiet but commanding. Anna stopped at looked at her sheepishly. "There have been letters but I am not interested, and I've rejected those pertaining to you so that there would be no distraction in your relationship."
She'd insisted that no letters be considered for either of them until at least after her birthday, three months away now. It was a temporary solution, but it gave her time to find something more permanent.
Anna screwed up her face in confusion. "You did that for me—for Kristoff and me? I thought you didn't like him." Ugh, I just made it sound like I really do want to marry him.
Elsa slipped past her and took her seat again. She needed a few moments to compose herself before a discussion about Kristoff happened. Thus far, she hadn't been overly uncomfortable in Anna's presence, even during the slight confrontation that just occurred, but now she felt the tug of anxiety at the thought of having to pretend that she approved of their relationship.
"He is not the man I would pick for you,"—If I had to pick one—"but I don't particularly dislike him." She had to be honest, even if with the least revealing truths she could muster. "He's not very smart, though. And the reindeer thing is troubling. Still, he adores you and I am certain he would never hurt you."
Blushing, Anna sat back down and picked up her plate again. A tart was calling her, and she didn't want to neglect it. "Wow. That's … brutally honest." She poured more tea, blowing on the surface before sipping it this time. "He's actually very smart, you know. It's not easy doing all that calculating up at the lakes, knowing how to get those blocks of ice out without falling in, and then he handles his own books, so he knows how to add. He can even read. I think the thing with Sven is kinda cute, too." I may not be in love with him, but he's not an idiot.
"I said it before, Anna, as long as you're happy, I will accept whoever you choose." Elsa smirked slightly. "As long as you don't try to get engaged an hour after you meet." She couldn't resist teasing her sister, now that enough time had passed for her to let go of her initial anger. She may dislike Kristoff, but nothing about him was spur of the moment. He was methodical and reliable, two more things she had to admit her sister would benefit from. "Or start singing about sandwiches."
"You heard us singing?"
Elsa's smirk bordered on evil. "It was very loud. And don't go climbing the clock tower at night anymore either!"
Anna stared at her sister for several seconds before realizing she was joking. She burst into laughter, rewarded for it with a huge grin from the Queen. "I love you so much, Elsa," she giggled and leaned back against the side of the settee.
Elsa went white. She didn't mean it that way. She didn't mean it like that at all. Calm down, Elsa. Keep it inside. In a voice less even than she wanted, she choked out, "I love you too, Anna."
Her sister's expression confused Anna greatly. She clearly meant it, but something about her face suggested that it pained her to say the words aloud. The same ache as at dinner appeared then vanished and Elsa averted her gaze, starting to color.
"Elsa?" What is she really jealous about?
"Do you have anything special planned for tomorrow?" Forcing herself to calm down, Elsa looked back at her sister with a wan smile. "Kristoff seemed very excited about it."
"Oh. Um … Yeah, he really was. I know he didn't seem like it, but he really, really was grateful to get the sleigh. Honestly, I think you confused him a little with the title, though." Anna shrugged. "Either way, he can't wait to show his family." I just wish he wanted to do it without me. I still can't believe I said yes.
Elsa bit her lip and reminded herself that she was the only one who remembered what happened in the valley thirteen years ago. "Well, I'm glad he's happy." After a pause, she continued with more strength, "A new sleigh is hardly payment enough for everything he's done for us."
The comment took Anna off-guard, especially the earnest way Elsa spoke, and it took a moment to formulate a response. "Well, it makes him happy to see us together, after everything that's happened." She tried to sound light when she continued, "He's really big into family, in his own way."
"I suppose he's looking forward to starting one, then." Elsa couldn't quite keep her words steady now. As true as they likely were, it felt like stabbing herself in the gut to say them. To her surprise, Anna turned red and looked away.
"I … suppose that's true." Anna hoped she didn't look as flustered as she felt. "We haven't discussed it. I mean … I don't really want to start a family—at least not yet! I'm not sure he does, either, but like I said, we haven't talked about it, so I can't say. Do you want to start a family? I think you'd make—wait, what? Um … I'm sorry, my mouth ran away with me. Of course, you don't want to start a family right now. You said you weren't interested in those letters, so duh, obviously you aren't." Shut up, Anna, before you ruin things.
Drawing in a careful breath, Elsa shifted and looked curiously at her sister. It wasn't surprising Anna would deny her own interest in children, but it was startling how vehemently she did it. With Anna, babbling meant the same as insistence, and she was confused why the subject raised that level of response.
"A family might be out of reach for me." She finally decided to answer the second half of the outburst and leave the first untouched. "I can't say I'd want to pass this … thing … on to a child."
"It's not a thing!" Anna stared at her. Elsa had many words for her powers, but she'd never suggested she felt negatively about them. Frustrated at times, but never as though she wished she didn't have them. "Your magic … it's a part of you and an amazing part. Look at that castle—you left Kristoff speechless, and it really is incredibly beautiful."
Not wanting to get into a discussion on the subject, and cursing herself for bringing it up, Elsa merely smiled wanly and shrugged. "I'm glad you think so." Casting around for some way to change the subject, her gaze finally settled on the table of sweets. "You've demolished the cake, I see. I didn't get a piece, either. That means I get the last tart."
Anna stared at her, even more confused at the way her sister rapidly moved the discussion away from her powers. "You didn't get any? Wow, I'm sorry. It was just so good. Hey! That doesn't give you tart rights!" She swatted at Elsa's hand when the blonde reached for her plate.
Elsa smirked and made a show of taking the small tart from the cart. She held her plate out in front of her. "What are you going to do to stop me?" A second later, she realized that her attempt at teasing left an opening for her sister to threaten her with—
"I'll wrestle you!" Anna leaned forward and tried to grab the plate, almost falling on her face when Elsa pulled it away. "Come on, Elsa, that one is supposed to be mine."
"You were keeping track?" Elsa couldn't help chuckling. She was surprised at how easily she slipped back into her old way of interacting with her sister, and it felt good. "Doesn't the Queen decide who such a thing belongs to?"
Anna blew out her cheeks and exhaled sharply before growling. "That doesn't apply to sweets, and you know it. Don't be mean!"
Biting her lip to keep from laughing aloud, Elsa assumed a regal voice. "This is punishment for threatening to strip the Queen of Arendelle in front of Lord Fritzen." For a second, she thought her sister was about to launch herself across the tea table. "And we are not wrestling for it, either."
Sitting back, Anna—who had been considering a physical assault, though only for tickling and only fleetingly—crossed her arms. "Fine. Take it then. Don't expect to get any sausage at breakfast, though."
For a long moment, the sisters stared at each other. Elsa cracked first, starting to giggle behind her free hand. After a few seconds, Anna couldn't maintain her insulted front either, and dissolved into laughter. The two laughed for several minutes, each trying to speak once or twice only to lapse back into their mirth.
"Here." Elsa finally regained enough control to hand the plate to Anna. "I was just teasing."
"Brat." Anna took the plate quickly, in case her sister tried to pull it away again. She took a bite to fully claim her prize and grinned. "Victory is tasty."
Elsa rolled her eyes. "Who's the brat?" She sobered slightly. "Anna … I am sorry for how I've treated you. It was horrible of me and I know it. Seeing you laugh is … the best thing I've seen all week."
"You've got a lot on your plate," Anna replied softly, before grinning again. "Though the last tart isn't."
"If it makes you smile, you can have the last tart for the rest of our lives." Glancing away, Elsa sighed. "Will you forgive me, please?"
With her mouth full of lemon meringue, Anna couldn't answer so she nodded vigorously instead. After enjoying the taste of the sweet—a conversation with her sister wasn't enough to make her rush through it—she grinned. "Yes, Elsa, I forgive you. Part of it is my fault, anyway. I promise to spend more time with you if you will with me. Is that an acceptable agreement?"
Elsa drew herself up. "A quite equitable arrangement, Your Highness." She dissolved into laughter. It feels so good to smile again. What was I thinking—how could ignoring Anna make me feel less alone? "Thank you, Anna."
"What for? Not for forgiving you, right? 'Cause that was a given."
"No, for being Anna, the rambunctious, silly, adorable little sister I fell in love with." Elsa turned bright red and gasped. That didn't come out right. Freya, please let her ignore it.
It seemed Anna didn't notice the flaming of her sister's face or the awkward choice of words. "I'll always be your little sister, and I'll always be here for you. No matter what you're going through, I'm here if you need me."
"I know." She met her sister's gaze steadily. "I hope I can always be there for you."
"No more pulling away? No more breaking our promise?"
"No more of either." Elsa moved to pick up her tea. It was cold, so she topped it off, and her sister's, when Anna took a sip of hers and made a face. "Now, tell me everything I've missed."
She still didn't want to hear about how wonderful Kristoff was, but she realized that pain was far less than the pain she'd been in by avoiding Anna altogether. So, she put on a smile and listened to her sister's adventures.
Finally, the tea was gone and Anna couldn't eat another chocolate without getting ill. Even so, she was loath to end what had turned into a wonderful reunion. Elsa was obviously tired, though, and suggested they call it a night.
Elsa, also wishing their meeting could go longer but as tired Anna suspected, agreed. They reached the doorway together, and she hesitated a moment before quickly hugging her sister. "I suppose we should both get some sleep."
"Mmm." Anna relished the feeling of her sister's arms around her. Elsa felt so warm and soft that she pouted a bit when the hug ended so soon. "I guess it's good night then."
"Good night." Elsa smiled, much more easily. Pulling away and avoiding her sister had only made things harder for her. Being with Anna was difficult, but it also lifted a heavy weight from her shoulders.
Anna smiled back and stood on her toes to give Elsa a kiss on the cheek to reaffirm she wasn't going anywhere. Somewhere between the decision and making contact, though, she moved enough that instead of cheek, she found Elsa's mouth. She should have pulled away immediately; instead, she pressed a little harder, so that what she originally meant as a mere brush turned into a brief—but very real—kiss.
The resulting shock that coursed through her took her breath away. Elsa's lips were as soft as she'd imagined they'd be, and felt so good against her own that several seconds passed before some semblance of reason returned. She stumbled backward, colliding with the doorjamb hard enough to make her gasp. Her lips ached at the loss of contact and something within her yearned to do it again—to kiss her sister the way she'd kissed Kristoff, to find out what it felt like to kiss even more deeply than that.
Wait, what? Her sister? Anna realized what she'd just done and fear and embarrassment erased the pleasure she felt moments before. She looked at Elsa, who was white, and felt the sudden plummet in temperature. "Elsa … I'm … I'm sorry! I didn't mean to … not there."
Elsa only stared at her, feeling the physical expression of thoughts too wild to coalesce into anything resembling coherence. Her heart threatened to tear through her chest; she clutched the dress over it and pressed hard against her ribcage to keep it in place. Anna's face was bright red, her shock obvious, but Elsa still couldn't speak.
She kissed me! Anna just kissed me! Rationally, she recognized it meant nothing beyond good night, and Anna clearly didn't mean to do it where she did. However, the part of her that yearned for just such a thing ran wild with images she forced down as hard as she could; the surrounding flurries intensified. Still, she couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare and try to control the cold and snow.
Terrified that she had undone everything gained in the last hour, Anna stared back, her lower lip trembling as she fought tears. She watched the veil of distance drop over Elsa's face, erasing the easy smile she'd worn only moments earlier. Why? Why did I do something so stupid?
Finally, she started to cry. "I'm so sorry. Please, don't…."
Elsa closed her eyes. Everything within her wanted to run. Everything screamed at her to push Anna away again. "Don't shut me out, Elsa. Please, open the door. Please." Memories of hearing Anna's pleading words over and over for thirteen years pounded in her head. She couldn't—wouldn't—break the promise they'd just made. She wouldn't hurt Anna again, ever. No matter what it took.
Summoning up her will, she sent the storm back to the mountains she had called it from. Still unable to speak, she wrapped her arms around her sister and pulled her close. A few tears filled her eyes, and she gently pressed her lips to the top of Anna's head.
"It's ok," she finally whispered. "Anna, it's fine. It was just good night, wasn't it?"
"Yes. But your face … I don't know why I did it, but … please don't hate me." Anna somehow knew that Elsa was deeply unhappy about being kissed, even if only for a few seconds.
Elsa drew in her breath and forced it back out. "It surprised me, that's all. Women don't usually…. I think we're making too big of a fuss about it, though." Anna could never find out just how deeply that momentary touch affected her. "It was an accident."
"Are you sure? I don't want you to go away again."
Placing another kiss into Anna's hair, Elsa felt the tension ease from her sister's body. "I told you I would never shut you out again. I've been distant—and I'm sorry for hurting you, but I've never stopped thinking about you. Nothing you did … you've done nothing wrong, Anna. Please believe that. Nothing. I'd rather you hate me than think it was your fault."
Anna pulled herself together and leaned back to look into Elsa's face, surprised at the intensity in her sister's words. The Queen wore a strange expression, part love, and part … fear? Anna didn't understand why her sister would be afraid, though she was afraid of what she'd done herself. She didn't understand that either, but if Elsa forgave her, she wouldn't ask.
"I wish you would talk to me more often." She wiped her face to clear the last of her tears. "I'm not as smart as you, but I'll listen to anything you're worried about."
Elsa smiled again, though less easily than before. "I'll take you up on that sometime. For now, it's getting late and we both have an early morning."
Nodding, Anna stepped out of her sister's embrace, though somewhat unwillingly. "Then, I guess good night."
"Good night." Elsa leaned against the doorframe and watched her sister scurry down the hall to her room. Once she was alone, she pulled the cord to alert the kitchen they were finished. After hesitating, she moved to the table and took the remaining truffles, piling her plate the way Anna usually did. If they expected leftovers, they're in for a surprise. We ate a lot even for us.
The walk to her own chambers was slower than Anna's had been. There was so much on her mind she walked past the door. Shaking her head, she turned back and went into the sitting room. Chocolate wasn't much of a salve for her confused emotions, but it was all she had. It was better than accidentally damaging something. The previous hour took more out of her than she thought; the moment she was safely in her rooms she almost collapsed.
Well, that was exhausting. She made her way to the writing desk and half-sat on it, putting the plate down beside her. She was pleased she'd lasted the entire hour, though it wasn't as hard as she'd feared; at least, not until the end. It was clear at first that Anna was worried about upsetting her and walking on eggshells with the conversation. Once she relaxed, though … she was really angry with me.
Anna had every right to be angry. In some ways, Elsa was glad to see it; she often thought her sister needed to get angry instead of stuffing her feelings away somewhere and acting like everything was fine. At the same time, the anger was sharper than she'd hoped, especially when Anna started to think Kristoff was the reason for Elsa's withdrawal from her.
"She must really love him," she murmured, reaching for a chocolate. "And I just fed it." There was nothing else to do; she wasn't going to tell Anna how she felt, and she had no other reasonable excuse for trying to get rid of the ice cutter.
After everything, Elsa couldn't decide if the night was a success or a failure. The physical distance between them would change, but the emotional one … Elsa focused on the final few moments, the sensation of Anna's lips against her own, the shock of being kissed, the panic and terror that she might lose control and try to make it more than it was intended to be—all those feelings swirled around her with the snow that started to fall.
She took another truffle and tried to calm the storm of emotions inside.
After Notes: I apologize for the original chapter being so ridiculously long. In the future, I will do my best to keep chapters under 6000 words or so. Also, bingo was invented in 1530 in Italy, so it is period to use it.