Chapter 5: Not yet there
In the end, neither boys had the courage to escort me to my uncle and aunt's house.
Nobu bailed back at the restaurant and a pale Obito seemed to dematerialize at the Uchiha gate. I rolled my eyes, not that either saw the motion.
The house of the clan head was alighted, while that of my parents, that was just beside it, covered in darkness.
I frowned to myself. I spend so much time at Fugaku's and Mikoto's place that I see their house as my home. They practically raised me since my parents were constantly running missions. They started slowing down a bit but I'd still spend most days at my aunt's place.
"I'm back." I said while stepping inside the house, riding myself from the shoes. I stepped right into the hallway leading toward the kitchen, dining room and the rest of the house. The lights in the kitchen were off, but the dining room was lightened up.
Chatter came out from the room and I head a set of footsteps before I saw my aunt coming out into the hallway to greet me.
A part of me thought that would be my mother, even though I knew it wouldn't be her... Huh. My tired mind was being stupid.
"Welcome back, Maki-chan" she smiled as she ushered me into living room where my parents and uncle were.
I noted how their eyes feel on my headband, tied around my forehead. Their looked at me with pride.
Being 8, I was the youngest Uchiha to become a Genin, no matter I wasn't really one. That little fact always stuck with me no matter how deep I sunk, how many times people forgot about or whenever I went.
I was quickly ushered to sit beside them and after being told the happy news of new family members, I was asked to describe my day. It was nice, spending time with people I genuinely cared about. I remember getting the most tale down, but the rest of came surprisingly blank.
I had fallen asleep in the middle of talking, I realized later.
At some point I was woken up by someone carrying me threw the cool night. Momentarily disoriented I raised my head up.
"You did well." Takeshi murmured, sounding close. " I expect you to be up by 6.
There is something I want to show you before you meet up with Nobu."
He was the one carrying me. I was too tired to be surprised and easily excepted the offer.
I murmured unintelligibly, relaxing into his hold and feel right back to sleep.
I would never find out what they thought about the day I became Genin, but I always cherished the memory of what I could remember.
I would have probably overslept were it not for mum waking me up.
I don't know what startled me more, her being the one waking me up, or finding myself in the familiar yet unfamiliar room...
Damn. When was the last time I actually slept in my room, in my parents' house? It felt like ages and it made me grimace.
"Hmmnnm five more minutes Kaa-chan" I wasn't one to wake up quickly. I liked my sleep very much. I buried my face deeper into the blankets after checking the clock.
5:31
God heavens. Whenever Kaa-chan and Takeshi worked that required of them being up so early, I refuse to ever work there. Her soft chuckle reached into my blanket muffled ears. I felt her lean closer.
"Your father has only so much time to teach you Jutsu before he needs to go to work." She whispered softly into the fluff blanket cocooning me in my sleep. It took me a second to process her words.
"OiImgonnabelate!" I jumped out from the bed which was quite hard, since I had this habit of rolling myself into a human hotdog while sleeping. Somehow, I managed to get myself out, kiss Ka-chan for good morning and turn toward the bathroom for a quick shower, all that without tripping on the blankets and-
slammed face first into something. I groaned, clutching at my face. I glanced at what the hell that was. A dresser...
"Are you alright dear?" She was still sitting on her knees, although was now looking at me worriedly. I wondered what was she waiting for... Then I noticed the pile of neatly folded cloths at her side.
Oh...
"I'm not gonna fall asleep anymore..." At least I was fully awake now. I frowned at myself. The bathroom was the other way... Half asleep, I thought I was at my aunt's place, even though I just acknowledged that I wasn't... My awareness when half-asleep sucked...
"Come here Maki." Kaa-chan chuckled while beckoning me to come toward her. I did so with a yawn, plopping down in front her, sitting similar to how she was sitting.
"I got you something to wear for today." She said while giving me the folded cloths.
"Thank you, Ka-chan!" I grinned, trying to remember if I even had any cloths that fit me in this house.
Probably not.
"There is something else I want to give to you." She spoke softly.
I tried to remember if she always spoke this way.
I sat up straighter as I noted she didn't.
"Even if you decided to focus on Ninjutsu, sometimes you need to take a break and work on something else."
It was a weird tip, since I didn't even start learning anything. I tilted my head to side, curious. "Ka-chan?" I asked, unsure what she was getting to.
"You are a Genin now, Maki." something told me I would be hearing this quite a few times.
"I know that you feel stressed about what others think what you should and shouldn't do."
She cast me a look. She knew… or at least someone told her about the things that nagged me. But then again, Isaki-sensei knew or figured it by himself… I frowned.
"I'm telling you this because a Shinobi needs to have different talents that will help him during situations where knowing something could mean the difference between someone living and dying. A skill can't be shameful, but the person knowing it can. Never forget this."
She gave me a scroll. It looked plain, but having it felt wrong…
"Promise me you will give it a chance someday. The others are in the Herb house, you know how to get inside. Never allow others to shape who you'll become, Maki."
As much as I tried, I always failed to follow that advice.
"I- will try Ka-chan." I didn't know what else to say. She smiled at me, starting to get up.
"That is everything I will ever ask from you." She straightens her pants from none existent dust. "Go take a shower now. I'll have breakfast done just as you finish up and then Takeshi will take you out for training."
I was in and out the shower in a record time.
As I was going out from the shower I noticed how the rest of my gear was waiting for me, on the piece of furniture I slammed into when I woke up. It took me little time to get dressed and done and was quickly heading downstairs.
Where an unusual picture waited for me.
"Good morning." Ka-chan was indeed finishing up the pancakes and eggs, while Takeshi was reading the newspapers. A normal morning routine. It felt as if it played for a thousand times, even though I couldn't remember when it was the last time we sat together, alone just the three of us, for breakfast.
"Morning." Takeshi replied, setting the newspaper aside, as if something interesting was happening that caught his attention. He looked at me square into the eyes.
"I will decide which graduation gift I will give you once I see your performance on the Grand Fireball Jutsu I will be teaching you after breakfast. " he announced making my eyes go wide.
"Woow- Um, thank you Tou-san!" That Jutsu was the rite of passage for the Uchiha. The fact that Takeshi was showing me it... I sat up straighter as Ka-chan was placing a plate of pancakes in front of me while at the same time, a plate of eggs in front of Takeshi.
"I didn't expect you to be promoted this early." He nodded at me after he thanked for the meal. I did the same and poured syrup over my food. My stomach felt rather sick. Was that because I was nervous or because of something I ate yesterday, I wasn't sure.
" The exercises you showed me were very helpful." That was almost a year ago. Shortly after my problem with chakra was discovered, both of my parents started going on long-term missions that took them away from the village most of the time.
"Uncle and aunt helped too when they had time." This was us finally catching up. Takeshi nodded, looking satisfied.
"Fugaku told me you didn't slack off and were a quick learner. I will test you on what you know once I finish up with my work in a few days." He announced.
"Hai, Tou-san." I couldn't wait. "Does that mean that you aren't taking missions like before anymore?" I had to ask.
"We will see." Takeshi said indifferently "Fugaku did give you lessons on the Uchiha, did he?" He asked, eating his eggs with grace while making a conversation.
My fork stopped just in front my open mouth, syrup dripping from the piece of pancake.
"Hai." I answered carefully while making sure that my clothes stay clean.
It didn't escape my attention that the cloths I wore were, as always, Uchiha issued, black pants and navy blue shirt with the high collar, the uchiwa stitched on the back.
"Can I ask why am I being taught this considering-" he cut me off, still eating as if nothing was happening.
"As a Genin, it will be required from you to know specific things. The knowledge will... help you keep others safe. It will most likely be you who will teach your future sibling and cousin the ways of the Uchiha. Keep your uncle's words close to your heart." I looked at him, mulling over his words for a bit.
It was not understandable to me at that time why would anyone teach someone about a clan that he wasn't part off. I made no sense even though it was crystal clear.
"Hai..." A very interesting part of my life began that day.
It didn't take long until we found ourselves at the wooden dock on the lake where Uchiha traditionally practice fire Jutsu.
Seeing as the clan was located near the center of the village and the lake well outside the village it took us some time to get there. By civilian standard anyway.
"This is training ground 18." Takeshi told me while our feet thudded on the worn out, but stable wooden planks and boards.
"It is widely known as the Uchiha training ground. It is too dangerous to practice Jutsu within the compound and the Sandaime decided on giving us a place we could safely practice."
He explained.
"It's not forbidden to practice Jutsu within clan walls, but it is preferred to train here."
He went on. I listened carefully.
"The mastery of the grand fire ball Jutsu is important for all Shinobi members of the clan. Uchiha were always considered masters of the Fire release. Listen carefully and learn."
For an Uchiha he sure liked to talk a lot. Considering the neutral tone of his voice, I couldn't tell wherever he was bored or interested in teaching me Jutsu. He didn't seem disinterested at least.
Takeshi went on explaining the Jutsu. He did it in great detail, telling me what to do, how to mold my chakra, how to modify the intensity of the flames, when to hold it and when to release it.
Once done with the theoretical part, he slowly went through a few hand signs, puffed his chest out and cast a roaring fire ball over the lake surface.
The Jutsu ended with his breath, after a good 6 seconds or so.
He could probably hold it for much longer than that, but the point was to show me how it was done. He was being quite considerate with taking his sweet time with the explanation.
I appreciated it.
"It is something most don't do from the first try. Don't get frustrated if it takes a few times to succeed."
He instructed me to try out the breathing part without molding chakra once, before allowing me give it a try when he was satisfied with what he saw.
Given my past troubles with chakra and Jutsu generally, I molded my chakra carefully, following Takeshi's instructions easily enough while going through the necessary hand signs.
I compressed the ball of chakra in my chest, just like I was told to, eyebrows furred in concentration. I had this terrible need to cough, but I snuffled the feeling and breathed out, releasing the built-up chakra from my lungs.
In the beginning, it looked actually fine.
The stream of fire wasn't as big as Takeshi's, but it was fine.
Then, somehow the stream seemed to collapse, the singular output of fire twisted and continued to turn until it died off above the lakes surface. I watched this wide eyed, unable to end nor fix whatever I did wrong. All I could do was be still and wait until I spend my breath.
The flames reminded me of the spiral stitched on the back side most Konoha shinobi's uniform. But I was not thinking about it while casting the grand fireball Jutsu.
I didn't dare look at the Uchiha's reaction, not wanting to see his disappointed look now that he finally took his time to teach me.
Instead, I stared rigidly in front myself, frowning in frustration, disappointed in myself, mulling over what the hell went wrong...
"Don't be late to the meeting with Nobu."
He simply said, not bothering to comment my butchered Jutsu. When I finally made myself to look at him, he had already turned his back to me and started walking away.
I grimaced, silently palming my face, hiding my angry blush of embarrassment.
"Don't waste time on the Jutsu. Pay attention to what your sensei will teach you."
He added, not even turning his head to look at me, never halting his walk as he said it.
His words stung.
"Yes, sir..."
I whispered loud enough for him to hear me. I cast a last look over the lake, desire burning to try again, but practicing Ninjutsu alone was a big no for now. I swore low into my chin before turning toward training ground 6, alone.
Mulling over the lesson, I tried to figure out what did I do wrong. I couldn't figure it out and the only conclusion I came to was to find myself a Jutsu scroll. Maybe asking Nobu about it… definitively asking a Ninjutsu specialist about it.
The day had barely begun and it already felt ruined. Whenever enthusiasm I had for meeting my sensei got killed off by my foul mood, the questions I stored in the back of my mind blurred into useless fog.
I came a bit earlier, so I wasn't surprised the training field was empty.
When Nobu did come, I met the man with a restrained blank expression of indifference. Mentally preparing myself for a hellish day I met my sensei halfway in the grassy field.
I needed a distraction. Anything to damper the bitter taste of failure.
"Yare, yare aren't you being all serious this early in the morning."
He said with a wide yawn, casually hunched as he stood in front of me. I said nothing.
"Those who make people wake early should be thrown into a dungeon..."
He sniffed sourly, getting the sleep tears out from his eyes.
I couldn't help but to image the Hokage being thrown into the dungeon by his employee...
My lips twitched upwards. Nobu snickered before he popped on the ground, motioning me to do the same, an enthusiastic glint in his eyes.
"Since money isn't an issue for neither, we won't bother with missions for a few days. Here is what we'll be doing-"
The initial plan was to spend a few days reviewing my skill set.
Nobu had my Academy file ready as backup, but there was no physical exercise for a few hours. The man liked to do work in depth.
While at it, he didn't fail to give a breeze of small lessons on whatever he deemed necessary to voice himself on. It did make him look as if he was talking to himself, but my questions got answered and as the man nudged me to ask more, time flew.
The first week of being a Genin went in a repetitive manor. I would wake up around 6, prepare for the day and go over my morning exercise for an hour before getting something to eat- either at my parents' house or aunts- after what I would met up with Nobu at 8.
The man definitively wasn't a morning type, so he made me do various exercises, be it chakra natured or whatever that didn't need his strict supervision while he dozed off under a tree.
I think he never really slept because he always knew how well I was doing when he "woke up". Despite the hiccup with the fire Jutsu, I mastered tree walking in 2 days while water walking took 3.
Nobu fully "woke up" after lunch and we would be doing whatever he saw fit doing. Taijutsu, Tactics, general 1vs1 spars, traps… everything that had nothing to do with Ninjutsu.
By dinner it still left me as close to chakra exhaustion as it was healthy for a Genin my age.
Nobu made me use chakra with everything, infuse my chakra into anything I was working with. He told me it would help me focus, but progress didn't come.
Or at least I couldn't see any.
The only progress I made was being unable to get to my own house after training. Nobu dumped my half-awake form happily home after the sun went to sleep, never rejecting offers for a free meal from my aunt or mother.
I didn't see Takeshi the whole week. The man was being busy finishing up his work.
Whatever that actually meant.
x-D
"What did you learn this week?"
Nobu asked 7 days into training.
Ninja didn't have the concept of weekend. We were at my parents, Nobu – predictably- never failing to accept a free meal.
I did not look forward to Takeshi's test.
Bringing my focus back to my sensei's question, I didn't let my frown show. It was a frustrating week and I think everyone knew it, just kept politely silent, for whatever reason.
It was even more frustrating to be held in the dark. Nobu assured me that I shouldn't bother myself with it.
"Chakra exercise, tactical -"
he shook his head, stopping me mid count of everything we did.
"I didn't ask you to count skills you improved. What did you learn this week?"
he didn't usually have the need to play mind games. He told what he wanted directly, making his lessons straightforward without double meanings.
When he did, it meant there was something important going on. I didn't know that at this point and his question stirred the frustration that followed me like a plaque.
I blamed tiredness because I felt all I learned this week was different level of tiredness and chakra exhaustion.
Oh.
"To know when to stop."
Chakra exhaustion wasn't a small thing. Since you could die from it, it was smart knowing what your limits were.
Especially for those who didn't have limitless chakra and wanted to be Ninjutsu oriented. Nobu nodded,satisfied.
"What is the difference between chakra exhaustion and chakra deprivation?"
He asked. I didn't need to think much.
"Chakra deprivation is permanent."
As in you die. Nobu inched his head, but it wasn't quite a nod.
"You will die from chakra deprivation, yes, but the sole shock of loss of chakra, makes chakra exhaustion much deadlier. Do you know why?"
At 9 in the evening, while other, normal people were slowly getting ready to go sleeping, Nobu and me were wide awake.
We munched late dinner with content, exhausted beyond measure (me at least), but content (definitively not). For all the years, I lived, I couldn't grasp what he was trying to make me figure out.
We were like this since dinner ended a half hour ago. Ka-chan was doing the dishes, looking fondly and with pride at Nobu question me and me knowing everything he asked but as we went into the topic deeper, she just started giving us weird looks.
That was my tip that I was missing something very obvious…
I signed, glancing at the ceiling mulling over the question and everything Nobu asked me tonight. What was he aiming at...?
I sipped my cacao while Nobu nursed the sake bottle, our movements oddly synchronized.
I looked at the man. He looked amused at me. I gave him a dry look and yawned and promptly laid on the floor, legs still bent at my knees from the pose I was sitting in at the low table.
I signed, closed my eyes in content as my spine stretched in the funny position and started thinking...
"That looks painful."
I cracked my eyes open, seeing him look at me with a painful grimace. I grunted in negative. I felt fine laying like this. I stared up the ceiling, yawning.
What did he ask me again... Oh yeah! I knew that he knows I know the difference between the two... What was he implying then?
"The body shuts down when too much chakra is spent. The person usually loses consciousness so the body can preserve what little chakra is left. If the person keeps pushing and spends the little chakra he has left, he goes into shock and dies."
But that wasn't what Nobu wanted to hear. I glanced at him from where I laid on my back. Nobu looked expectant at me to continue.
I hummed, figuring as much. I signed, closing my eyes.
"Ok , I give up."
I made a nondescript motion with my hand opening my eyes, looking wide awake at him.
I yawned.
He just stared at me, never stopping looking amused. He proper his head with his palm, holding it in position by placing his elbow on the low table. He leaned closer.
"I live for the moment I see you cry."
He nodded to himself. I have no idea where the sudden comment came from and why.
I gave him an odd look.
"I never cry."
I informed him, my voice dry. He hummed.
"It will be quite fascinating finally seeing you go unconscious. You make it look so easy."
He hummed, sounding genuine curious.
What? Did I fall asleep in the meantime or was I missing something?
"Huh?" I was left confused.
Nobu… just chuckled, shaking his head as he drowned another cup of sake, looking otherwise unconcerned.
I flashed him an irritated look, but before I could open my mouth, a displeased voice filled the dining room.
"Why is my daughter in this state, Nobu?"
My breathing hitched at the familiar voice, body twitched on its own making my spine feel weird. I turned my eyes from my sensei to see Takeshi at the doorway looking at me with a strange and lightly concerned expression.
I didn't even notice him coming…
"Tou-sama!"
I huffed out, startled, raising my body at once. Thinking about it now, I wondered why Kaa-chan allowed me to sit like that at the table…
"It's not like shed be a sensor anyway."
Nobu shoot his concern away. "It's fascinating really, creepy much. But nothing unusual."
He shrugged. Takeshi hn-ed at his words as he sat at the table, a cup of tea appearing in front of him…
Things started going too fast for me. Or too slow, I couldn't tell.
"What is going on…" I rubbed the bridge of my nose, feeling incredibly slow (and stupid).
"You can't feel chakra, yours or otherwise."
Nobu's blunt reply made me frown. I went to turn my head toward his,
but almost jumped out my skin when I saw his glowing hand in front my face. It was chakra. I saw it, but that was it. For all I know, it didn't exist. I felt nothing.
"That's…" I trailed off, staring at the visible chakra in morbid fascination.
"See! Nothing at all!" Nobu shrugged, but otherwise unconcerned.
"I don't get why this is happening. The medics sensed nothing wrong."
Upon graduation, every Genin is required to go through a full medical check.
"Will this... issue get in the way of her study?"
Takeshi asked slowly, after briefly scanning me with the Sharingan. He didn't look like he saw anything.
"She is young and her chakra system is still developing. It is a good sign that her body is sending signals out. She is wide awake, but is yawning. The yawn is a sign of early chakra exhaustion. It's possible this state of hers is just a glitch. Best have it checked by the medic tomorrow."
That went without saying it.
On the other hand, some things had much more sense.
"That still doesn't explain why I didn't he caught into the Genjutsu you used on team 7 Genin." I frowned while thinking out loud.
"Genjutsu?" Nobu asked confused, before he pulled his head backwards and let a loud laugh. "That was KI, little prodigy. Something I'm quite proud of. No wonder you seemed quite lost back then."
He pouted disappointed he didn't get to scare me shitless how he did Minato-sensei's Genin.
I gave him a dry look.
"Is that the reason why I couldn't do the fireball Jutsu?"
I asked with a frown, tilting my head to side. Takeshi stared at me for a bit, something akin to realization in his eyes.
He briefly closed his eyes.
"I didn't realize that you have misunderstand my actions... I had been summoned and needed to leave." Takeshi then gave out one of his rare smiles "You did well, Maki."
He then poked me straight on the middle of my forehead.
That must have been a thing of the main Uchiha family...
I blinked, surprised, a faint blush creeping over my face. I smiled back much wider the he did, but his features softened a bit.
A funny feeling stirred inside my chest.
It didn't feel very good.
Everything seemed to go dark...
The second I opened my eyes, I connected the plain ceiling and the sterile air with the hospital. I wasn't wrong.
"Maki." Something about Takeshi's voice always made me show the man respect.
"Tou-sama." I turned my head toward the sound of his voice, already getting myself into a sitting position. I saw him sit beside my bed.
He looked like he had been some time there.
"You should rest, Maki."
He shook his head at me, placing the book he was reading on the nightstand beside the bed I was laying on and went to push me back onto the mattress.
I noted the book was on chakra paths.
Before his hand touched me, he seemed to change his mind and pulled away. I already went to lay back nonless. We looked at each other awkwardly for a few moments.
"I..." I shifted uneasily, not knowing what to say. I remember him poking me in a fond way and then I just... Lost consciousness.
"You have suffered from mild chakra exhaustion." His voice was tight, carefully reserved.
"The medics informed us you will not suffer any consequence because of this."
I nodded, not able to make myself look at his way. No matter what I did, I always felt like I was only bringing disappointment to him.
"I'm sorry Tou-sama." I didn't know what else to say.
"Foolish little girl. Don't apologize for something out of your doing."
I looked up at him in surprise. At least I found out where Itachi got his phrases and poking forehead habit…
"I expect the issue to be dealt with by the time I return from my mission."
I didn't see anything special about the way he was clothed.
"Mission for the Uchiha police?" I asked politely, but genuinely curious.
I didn't want to sound dismissive. He smirked at the question.
This would have been the first time I asked him about his work, I noted to myself. He seemed to realized it too.
"If you do well in your training, I may bring you to work along with me someday."
There was something secretive about the small smile he gave.
"I need to also give those two gifts I promised as well." He smirked at my expression.
"Work well." A grin started to bloom on my face.
"Hai, Tou-san!"
I spend in the hospital for a few days. Poked, prodded, given odd looks, but it turned out there was nothing wrong with me. Apparently, my chakra sensitivity was just fine.
Too fine actually, as I was, apparently doing my best to block all of it out.
Denial caused by living in The Ninja World much? I thought I dealt with that my now. It was already 8 years…
"I feel well, Kaa-sama." I assured my mother, because I did feel just like I did for the whole week and even before that.
Apparently, this wasn't a big problem, because the medic observing my treatment, an Iryonin Shito-san, waved my parents and sensei worries away with a flicker of his hand,
telling them it was just a moment of me figuring it all out. Being an Uchiha and all.
The irony of his name wasn't lost to me, but the Japanese oriented world just didn't get the bad joke… Shito-san was a very capable man, Tsunade-sama said it herself.
I had a few days off once getting checked out.
I was told to slow down a bit, but that was fine because there was enough to do.
Receiving a stern threat of unimaginable pain if I end in the hospital again, Nobu snatched me after dinner on my last day off.
We were supposed to meet tomorrow, so I took his appearance as a not so good sign.
I probably unintentionally jinxed myself.
"The good thing is- "For once we were in the training ground,
not in the barbecue place I thought he'd bring me to.
I didn't fail to notice that he seemed to be checking something before he started speaking.
"- I found someone who will be able to help you deal with the chakra issue you have"
he said while giving me a scroll he pulled out from his Jonin west. I looked him into the eyes, carefully trying to see if this was some kind of a test, or another betting fit coming from him.
"Before you take this scroll, know this." He said, noting my hesitation.
He nodded in an approving way but didn't directly comment on it.
"Being a Ninjutsu specialist or being taught to be one, doesn't just mean knowing Jutsu.
It takes time, blood and effort to become someone who does it right. As it is now,
I am the only one Konoha has on active duty and because of that I will be needed on missions. Missions you can't ever be part of until you became at least as skilled as me.
Not because you will get in the team's way or because you can't handle it, but because of your own safety.
The piece of metal on your forehead makes people forget how young you are, but you are my student and for your sake I will never forget this."
The thing with Ninjutsu specialist was that they were enemy's nightmare.
It wasn't just casting Ninjutsu that will counter those of the enemy, it was turning the battlefield against the enemy.
Turning the wind against a Suna shinobi and making the ground tremble beneath Iwa shinobi. Causing the water in the mist to turn against its castor and the fire to- ah well- to backfire.
It was a force that could destroy an entire enemy battalion.
Something of the scale of a Jinchuriki, or at least something that Minato-sensei will become once the war starts.
The identity of a Ninjutsu specialist is, of course, a heavily guarded secret, obviously.
But secrets in a Shinobi world were shortly lived. While Nobu was strong enough to hold his own, his (too) young student wasn't.
Being his student meat having a bull's eyes on the back of my head. If the enemy found out, I would be hunted. It's too easy to kill someone during a mess of a mission. Nobu was good, but apparently not that good.
"For some time, I will ask you to follow my orders and only my own when the Hokage himself doesn't tell you, in person, otherwise.
Tell no one what you see, what you do, where you have been and don't question those above you. Listen, learn and follow your leaders word. You are a Shinobi now. You are too smart to ever forget that."
Only then did he let me take the scroll out of his hand. There was something symbolical in that exchange, I noted, not quite understanding what it was, but I stored it in my head for future reference.
I would never forget the regret on his face from that day, not quite knowing what pained him more; not being able to shield me from the unavoidable, or allowing it to happen to his close friend's child.
I never asked.
He dismissed me for the rest of the day after that.
The scroll I carried in pouch felt heavier than it actually was.
I realized how little I knew of this world, how little we were shown. Already I could tell the reality wasn't quite like the censored kid show.
I needed to learn so much more. I was praised as a genius, but I felt like I didn't know anything at all.
The title felt borrowed. But I wondered if that was really true.
How does one become a Ninjutsu specialist?
For the whole week, Nobu pushed me until I couldn't do more. He wanted, needed to know where my current limit was.
He wanted to see what I could do and know and all he taught me was chakra control. You can't learn to run before you learn how to crawl, I saw the logic in his words and approach. I needed to fix my chakra before I could be taught more.
While my sensei, he didn't have the time to work on it by himself.
Not because he saw it as a waste of his time, but because he didn't have the time.
The unrest that will (might?) turn into a war had to go on for some time before the inventible escalated. Nobu's position of a sensei was overruled by his duty toward Konoha.
I wasn't quite sure what that made me, but I knew what position it shove me into.
A position I didn't want, I knew that much. A position I already refused, but was made to take on anyway. I was told to obey… without questions.
I don't know if I can trust Nobu, or even the Hokage to allow myself to be reduced to someone who mindlessly follows orders. Because there was Danzo and his Root.
I have been a free spirit in my past life, soaring high up in the sky.
Now I was given a pair of clippers and asked to chop off my wings, never to fly again.
I don't know if I can do that to myself.
I'm not the kind of a person who throws everything away. I wasn't a hero… I'm the kind of person that doesn't take in a starved puppy from the street, knowing I can't take care of it and accepting that as a fact that wouldn't change, no matter how badly I wanted it. Even if it means the puppy will die and it would be directly my fault.
I knew it wouldn't be easy living this life, but I didn't expect it to be this cruel. I expected my age would be taken into consideration… it wasn't.
I remember the feeling of turning 18 in my old life. To be seen as an adult, even if no one actually saw you that way, nor really expected you to act like one. Here, a metal plate was a measure of being considered an adult.
I was expected to make difficult decisions on my own at the age of 8… I was expected to do even more things because I was considered as a "prodigy", cursed by ongoing expectations that would never end as long as I was breathing.
Can I handle it all?
The gate to the Uchiha compound came into my view. Walls not as high as I remember first seeing them, shorter and more decorative, people coming in and out of the compound, Uchiha and not. The guards, still strict, but polite and with an aura of invitation as they let people threw.
"Maki-chan!" I was immediately recognized.
Everyone in the compound knew of the Clan Heads niece. My headband was commented and praised, expectations openly voiced, because "I needed to make the Uchiha name proud."
I smiled politely and thanked for their kind words, telling them I will do my best.
Would I?
In about 14 years the whole compound will get shut down, put down like feral animals.
Since I spend so much time at the clan heads house, saw the man as my uncle even if we weren't blood relative on any margin, I knew the current headcount of the members, heard it on passing while uncle did some clan paperwork.
Just shy above 800 people.
There will be war, there will be the Kyubi attack, making the number… 400-500 people? Give or take.
I would be 22 at the time, might be strong enough to be seen as "elite", an active member of a renewed clan.
Considering everything… what would I do? What will I be able to do?
As it was now, Itachi mean nothing to me.
Sure, I knew of the character, but reality had a way of warping fiction in an unpredictable way, making you walk in others shoes, even if for just a moment.
Made you getting to know the actual person, seeing how a collection of events looked in flesh.
It made me remember the spar I had against team 7. A shiver pushed itself down my spine.
I avoided that team like a plague, because I knew what a mess it was and will be in the future.
I didn't want to get involved, too attached if it was doomed to crumble anyway.
It also made me see Mikoto and Fugaku and Kaa-chan and Takeshi in my mind's eye.
Made me see them dead, killed by someone I knew off and someone I had yet to meet.
The thought made my inside freeze into ice, but I didn't waver in my step, continued my walk through the compound in the direction of my homes. Because I no longer had only one home.
Will Itachi's birth make me distance myself from them? Because it will become hard once things start to get into motion.
I walked pass my aunt's house.
I could tell by the smoking chimney that she was home, but I wasn't in the right state of mind to see anyone right now.
I couldn't tell how I know my parents' home was empty, but I knew they were not inside.
Silence greeted me as I entered the cold home. I didn't bother getting out of my gear as sure as hell I didn't plan on staying inside for too long. I needed to think, I needed... needed...
Aunt would get me tea... While Kaa-chan cocoa...
I sat down at the table, dragging my hand threw my hair. I felt like a cornered animal. I wanted to step aside for a bit and consider my options. Stress made everything too much to bare right now.
But there was no pause option available.
I was a fucking coward.
"Maki."
Takeshi's voice brought me out from the threatening despair that wanted to swallow me whole.
"Tou-sama." I stud at once, back straightened.
I couldn't show the man anything besides utter respect.
How will I ever be able to repay their kindness?
The Uchiha stared me long and good, being considerably better with his neutral mask then I probably was.
If he noticed anything, he said nothing. He briefly closed his eyes, turning to leave, a soft sigh leaving threw his nose.
"Keep up." Was his only warning for me to follow him.
I didn't ask, not that I would dare, why wasn't he at work.
He usually was at this time, but I didn't care, following him obediently toward the back of aunt's house.
He taught me a lesson that day and also made me realize something about myself I didn't know.
Secretly I wanted to believe he was worried about me and since he was an Uchiha, had his own twisted way of showing his concern.
But that thought was ridiculous.
Because who shows concern threw sparring?
No matter how confident I was in my usage of the strong fist style, Takeshi made it look as if I didn't know anything, always made the Kawarimi, I seemed to grow fond of, useless, planting my back on the dry ground more times I cared to count.
When things seem comfortable, be prepared for a change. Because nothing lasts. Plan your steps ahead. - His lesson would have sounded if he had voiced it.
I did see where my mistake was and fixed it.
Concentrating on his moves, I went to plan my next move, noting how repetitive his movements were.
He still threw me down.
I always got up, adapted and went on. I wasn't aware I had that suborn drive.
Once the depression turned frustration was spent, I still didn't make any progress but I did get to the point where I would Kawarimi myself before I'd hit the ground.
Something about the Academy rank Jutsu had to made me predictable, because Takeshi was right back on me, not leaving me the opportunity to plan out my next more.
It stretched into a chain reaction of continuous Kawarimi that would look impressive were it been the Shunshin, but the continuous drain of chakra got me out from the terrified trance I seemed to trap myself into.
I used an Kawarimi on the Kawarimi I used to Kawarimi myself to a safe distance…
Just thinking over the sentence made me dizzy.
The reality spun even more. I stumbled but kept myself up, looking toward where Takeshi stud, readying another Kawarimi if one was needed.
I saw him along with another two of him and the three of them spun... I did the logical thing and focused on the middle one, because the middle one was always the real one, right?
I think that made me look cross-eyed because it felt kind of funny and everything blurred, but it made the triple image eventually go back to normal.
But instead of Takeshi I looked up at the clear blue sky, back planted firmly on the ground.
I kawarimied myself into dizziness…
Was that even possible?
No time for cloud watching.
Jumping back to my feet I saw the man start going through a set of familiar hand signs.
Making a stupid decision, I went through my own.
He finished faster, of course he did and as the compound friendly fireball went hurling toward me I was just drawing in my breath.
"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu!"
"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu!"
Uncle is going to fine us for fire damage...
The Jutsu was the same, but the result certainly wasn't. This time I counted on the disfigured fireball and as there was no immediate explosion I knew it worked just as I planned it would. It seemed Nobu did teach me something the past week, after all…
Takeshi's fireball soared toward me while mine twisted and flew like flaming thing around and toward where the Uchiha stud.
The maneuver reminded me of a soaring dragon and that might or might have not have made the tip of the fireball shift into... Something that went rawr...
Something tugged, startling me, making me gasp and lose concentration making the rawr go boom and there was still a fireball going my way and it already feltwarmonmyskin-
I Kawarimied away, wide eyed, sensing my face suspiciously warm but not smelling anything burnt.
The cloud of smoke cleared away, leaving behind funny burn marks and burning twigs and logs and Fugaku's pretty stone path permanently blackened... But no Takeshi.
"Takeshi!" I naively thought something like that would be able to catch an Chunin of guard, but at that moment I truly felt scared.
Someone blew air into my ear.
Shrieking so loud my own voice rang in my ears I turned my head, eyes wild with worry and surprise and face too warm to be just embarrassment as I saw Takeshi's face.
He was uninjured,
obviously.
I wanted to shove whatever expression he guarded off his face because the man did make me feel scared for a moment.
But as I Kawarimied to kick the head off his neck, no worry for injury left, there was already a log in his stead.
As I saw him reaper nearby, in plain sight, I wondered how much would it hurt to kick the log into his face...
I didn't even finish the thought as I already kawarimed myself and the log so I was facing him. As I pulled my leg backwards, I sent a silent prayer I don't mess this up and actually break a leg, thinking intensively about sending chakra into the leg and then swung my leg…
The poor log burst into countless tiny woody splinters that ended embedded everywhere. By the minimum movement of his eyes I figured Takeshi didn't expect that to happen and he got out the impact zone.
Would suck getting splinters in one's eyes...
"What are you two doing" a calm, dry voice broke my concentration, so when I felt arms circling around me, all I could do is gasp out my surprise as Takeshi caught me with his hands from behind.
Then his fingers started to move. My eyes went wide, before I shut them tightly, but the giggles still came out.
"Training." Takeshi replied as calm, but my growing giggles made his words hard to believe. Fugaku hn-ed, but didn't comment, as he kept just standing at the entrance of his, once beautiful back garden/ private training area. There were wooden toothpicks everywhere. The ground, the trees, everything had a piece of log inside.
It looked as if a hedgehog sneezed and lost all of his spikes.
The thought alone made me giggle even more. I shut my eyes tightly.
My face was starting to hurt me.
I tried to wiggle away, although half-hardy because I didn't really want to go away from what looked to me like a fatherly moment.
"Try to get away from this situation." He instructed.
Oh…
I tried to wiggle out, but his grip was strong while at the same time he tickledtickledtickled. It was hard to concentrate and when I went on using the kawarimi-
Nothing happened.
"Huhhihih" I wanted to huff in surprise but all that came out were giggles…
"Concentrate your chakra on doing the seal less Kawarimi." Takeshi instructed, a small chuckle leaving his voice. I tried, tried to envision how chakra flowing should feel like…
Tickle tickle tickle…
Giggle. Giggle. Giggle.
Groaning, I bit my tongue to concentrate.
Giggle. Tickle.
And the world seemed to warp and flash and left me feel dizzy. But I was free of the giggling torment. I tasted blood in my mouth, a sigh leaving my tight lips.
But I was free!
I did it! Ha!
In front of me, Takeshi stud as if nothing concerned him, hands tucked into his sleeves as he carried his arms in front of him in a cool Uchiha way. He clicked with his tongue, as if something didn't work out as he planned to.
"You broke out from the Genjutsu I placed you under." He explained. "Yet not in the way I expected."
I looked around myself. We were still in aunt's backyard, wood splinters littering anything, Fugaku shooting his younger brother what looked like an annoyed look….
The tickling then...
Disappointment rolled out of my breath like a foul-tasting medicine down the throat.
It felt so real…I thought... I was wishing, seeking a sense of belongness that I will never find in this world.
Misunderstanding my disappointment for it to be connected to failing to use chakra properly, Takeshi hummed deep in his chest as he started walking toward his older brother's house.
"You did well breaking the Genjutsu..." He stopped as he was to walk pass me. I refused to meet his eyes.
"Don't get discouraged so easily." He flicked me across my forehead. I touched the spot where he tapped his fingers on my skin, unintentionally looking at him.
I wasn't sure whenever he scowled or praised me.
His face was unreadable as he watched my reaction, obviously waiting for a reply.
I didn't want to be caught off guard like this ever again. Genjutsu… was more dangerous than it was given credit. False hope… hurt more than any stab wound could ever…
"I… it will not happen again." I looked away, not having the nerve to tell him I didn't even noticed I was under a Genjutsu.
Ashamed.
"Keep up the good work." He praised, but to me it sounded like an empty phrase. "Get cleaned up for dinner. Today's lesson is over." I answered with a silent "Hai" before using the excuse to slip away.
He taught me, or rather showed me that no matter how many time I fell, I'd always get back up. I also became clear to me how I missed the drive, a something that made me go forward when I reached a problem I couldn't or didn't want to deal with.
Oh, I knew what I wanted, needed, but I will never fit in being an Uchiha.
Maybe if I was born as one, but not like this. It made me feel as if I was just an accidental part of someone's deal, never asked what I wanted.
Yet I still tried.
Why did I even bother?
I frowned at my reflection as I stud in front of the bathroom's mirror. I was just drying my hair off, when I caught the sight of my own reflection in the glass.
I didn't like the stranger looking back at me.
Black, shine-less hair and equally dark eyes scowled back at me.
I looked much like my mother, but I hadn't inherited her personality… I shook my head, showing the ridicules thought away.
Oh I knew what my problem was.
Missing something I couldn't remember, a life I couldn't recall, people I didn't seem to know anymore.
Homesick for a home that didn't exist anymore, trapped inside a new, so much different one.
I missed the food, the music roaring in my ears, the countless hours of playing video games, getting lost while looking out of the trains window.
Imagining myself being part of different words that didn't exist, be it by reading books or typing a view, my view of another one's story. Rewrighting everything that I didn't like in those stories. Stopped reading when I got bored or wanted to do something else.
I never wanted to be part of any of the exciting stories I read, not because I was a coward or because it was too hard. I wasn't one to lie, someone who measures every step, every breath having a meaning of his own, every gesture and nod having double meanings… to kill. Who was I to take another's life away? By who's decision? Corrupted and dark, full of secrets, a belief that was Konoha? The manipulated Hokage?
I was a bystander, ever one in any of my dreams, but it was hard to miss those little signs of affections, almost stolen moments of content and belonging… I couldn't make myself to believe I belonged, fearing, just like the Genjutsu, everything would shatter, taken away everything I cared and loved… I didn't want to get attached because just thinking everything might end, hurt so much.
I scowled again, remembering I didn't have anything to change myself into in this house…
Wrapping myself into a ridiculously big and fluffy towel I entered my first bedroom, hopeful I would find something wearable in the closet full of too small things… only to find neatly folded cloths on my bed.
A warm feeling spread threw my chest, getting pushed out as a sigh that reminded me that I was lying to myself yet again. The cloths weren't there when I came. I knew, because I dumped the dirty ones on the floor on my way to wash away half my aunt's gardens dirt off myself.
But the dirty cloths weren't there anymore, seemingly dematerialized itself.
Like magic, I swear…
As I pulled apart the neatly folded Yukata, I tried to figure out whoever brought it to me. The only magical part in any of this was my inability of sensing chakra and while both aunt and Kaa-chan folded cloths perfectly, I could tell the minimal difference that divided the two woman's styles apart. An unfamiliar way of folding cloths, unlike I was used too. Kaa-chan then…
No matter how I tried to convince myself I didn't care, that I didn't belong- the thought of them getting hurt… or worse- made something violent stir deep inside me.
I pushed the feeling back.
But did they care about me? I asked myself in denial, easily wanting to please, but terrified to receive others affection. They wouldn't…didn't need to. Because I didn't belong here.
I needed to prove myself wrong.
So, when I turned up at my aunt's place for dinner, I kept myself as I usually did. I wondered if I was always so distanced, half avoiding, half not wanting to see how they seemed to glance at each other from time to time, silently asking the other for opinion if I seemed to be alright.
Was I always so difficult? I was right in front of them… they could just ask.
I was asked how my training with Nobu went, how well I was doing, but never how I felt.
I listened Uncles and Takeshi's conversation about something work related, involving too much codes to have much sense to me. It was about someone who did something wrong, I think.
"He shouldn't let himself get carried away." Takeshi frowned displeased at the man's action.
"It wasn't expected to turn that way." Fugaku agreed
"I wasn't even aware he was seeing her, even though he was on my team." Takeshi frowned displeased.
I turned out the rest of the conversation, losing interest in the topic. They kept speaking about it for some time, it seemed important to them, but soon their attention shifted to Mikoto and Kaa-chan, asking then how they were, all but interrogating them on how they carried their pregnancy so far.
Both woman complied in answering the men's ridiculous questions, not bothering to hide their amusement, even glancing at each other, sharing some unspoken knowledge.
But their eyes held the warm emotion the men were stubbornly keeping for themselves and the privacy of their bedroom.
Japanese culture was so much fun… until I started involving ninja stuff.
Listening in, nothing changed in the tone of their voice or way they spoke when they talked to each other and talked to me. Takeshi caught me staring and I quickly looked away, not seeing the curious look he shared with the others.
A thought, a stupid idea came up and I looked up, seeing the man still look at me.
I was curious to know.
"Could you teach me Genjutsu?"
Nobu said we won't be working on Ninjutsu for some time "if he could help it" whatever he meant, but he didn't forbid me practicing Genjutsu, or Jutsu with others. As long as it was supervised.
Takeshi stared at me, for a moment, thinking over, mentally looking into his schedule, maybe.
"Maybe next time. I will be required to attend an important mission for the upcoming month." His reply was unnecessarily long, but I didn't see the need to be bothered with it.
I didn't let my disappointment show.
"I understand." I needed to learn Genjutsu, needed to fix my chakra. I couldn't let myself be caught in one ever again.
First time it was training, the second it might be an enemy trying to slip pass my guard.
"I will be able to give you lessons after dinner, if you want." I didn't ask, but was given the chance anyway. I looked up my Uncle, seeing the glance he shared with Takeshi before I looked up in the reflection of my tea…
"Yes, please." Whenever one couldn't, the other would always offer help.
"I expect you to keep up your other studies as well." A reminder not to get lost in one field only to ignore the others. Everyone at the table knew well how deep I could give my attention to things when I wanted.
"I won't, uncle." I assured softly.
He looked satisfied, his shoulders relaxing, along with everyone else.
"We start tomorrow. It won't surprise me that you will do better under my guide, since my little brother only showed how good of a decorator he is."
It was hard to hear the irony in Fugaku's voice. It got Takeshi frown at his at once.
"Your backyard needed renovation anyway, Nii-sama!" he objected rather hotly.
I could smell another bet brewing. Their bicker was so polite and fine toned it was hard to pick up. They would talk about things that didn't have any connections at first, but put together they showed whichever was doing things better.
It was pointless, but it was their way of showing support to each other. In their own weird way.
We stayed long enough to hear the words be cast and another bet involving me was born… They only betted on things involving me lately. I wondered what it meant…
"Will you come by to lunch tomorrow?" Kaa-chan asked, when we came home after an hour dinner ended. It became a routine for Nobu and me to come home to have lunch.
The compound was fairly close to the restaurant we first went to, a leap away like most in a Shinobis life.
"Not this time" I shook my head. "Isaki-sensei told me that we will be stepping up in my training and there won't be time… he wanted me to tell you not to count him on dinner for a while. There is something his working on now." She accepted my answer easily, even though Nobu's missing on a free meal did get her to raise her eyebrow.
I went to sleep earlier than usual. Kaa-chan gave me some smelly cream for my face. The thing did work, but I couldn't sleep well because of the stench.
Opening the window didn't help much.
I would try… because they cared about me, so I at least owed them to try.
To endure… and see where it would get me to.
I missed my morning routine in the morning.
I figured it didn't matter, because I would get more than enough of it from now on and I wanted to be fresh as I could be 7 in the morning.
Nobu told me he would be on a mission for a month, hence why he would skip all the free food, but I wasn't allowed to tell any of it to anyone. So, that my training won't suffer, he found me someone who would supervise my training.
For a moment, I feared it would be Team 7, as I did not want to get any more involved with its team members as I already was.
Nobu mumbled something about Minato being a better solution, but he didn't bother elaborating.
I didn't care, I didn't want to know, because anything was better than team 7, because it was Team 7. Enough said.
It turned out the alternate solution was even worse than the luck less, pre-cursed, dysfunctional team.
Hence Nobu's warning, hence the scroll, hence me walking into the ANBU headquarters, at 7 sharp asking for one Hawk.
I didn't care, I never object, because I wouldn't admit to myself that I had people in this world who I cared about… always keeping them at arm's length, most of the time.
I took the offered clippers and chopped them wings off.
Because I will get back up anyway.
Every single time. Always for them.
Im not really happy with the chapter... but well.
Im dying to ask you "What do you think will happen next", but its not as if there is much going on, so I will have to be patient for that question, I guess.
But, do you think Maki is being a coward here? So much denial on her part *cklicks with her tongue*
It makes me really happy to see people following and favouring this story. Thank you soo much!
NatNicole Thank you so much for your sweet review! When im feeling bad, I always read it and it make me feel so much better! Thank you! No Team 7 for a while sorry. Deep down, even Maki knows she cant escape them so dont worry, there will be more of them. It will be interesting though, so the wait is going to be justified!
calcu22 I actualy dont like wrighting fighting scenes, so it good to know i did it right... also, I tried to fix the laque of line breaks in the text (once i googled what they were, hehe), so i hope the texts will be more eassier to follow... though it might take me a few chapters to get a hand on them.
Always busy plotting...
*Sneak peak jutsu*
Uncle and Takeshi are with them, they will see danger, won't they? They had to!
I assured myself, but I knew it wasn't true.
Neither of them was watching, attention focused on either Mikoto or Kaa-chan. They seemed to enjoy themselves, not seemed to notice I was even missing.
Like I didn't exist.
Something hurt in my chest, but I squashed the feeling. I wanted to scream, but couldn't. I wanted to curse, but that was a waste of time. I needed to save them, I needed to protect. That was my duty toward them, right? It was my debt to pay, even if it meant being alone. I will always protect them, even if it meant never seeing them again.
Strange calmness washed over me, but I refused to give into the endless blackness. I wanted to sleep, to just… No, I thought sternly. Not yet.
The sense of dread kept me running. Made me keep going.
I will never be able to reach in time…
Something caught my foot and I fell down.
But I always get up.
I didn't this time...