Hi again :) So, I am especially happy with this chapter, I had so much fun writing it, again. Enjoy and please, leave a review.
Let me know if there are some spelling or grammar mistakes.
I own nothing but my OC and plot.
V
He hadn't seen her for a week.
And during those seven days, he was slowly becoming more and more frustrated by the fact how desperate he felt when she was not around. He was once again full of that unpleasant feeling of anxiety, an empty black hole growing in his chest. He could not think straight, was not able to concentrate on simple tasks. He ate, because everyone else did, he walked because it was a reflex and he slept because his body needed rest. She made him vulnerable by leaving him.
There was only one thing, one sentence, question he was sure was important. Was she still alive?
Whenever he tried to figure out where she could go, all he remembered were her sad, teary eyes and her fragile shaking body. Or how she refused to cry in front of him, but her lip was trembling and voice breaking. He saw her blood slowly dripping from her fingers because she broke the mirror with her bare hand. And that was when he remembered how much it hurt when he thought she was going to die. He heard her devastated laugh again and again until one day, he could not take it anymore.
He shouldn't let her go. He should use more force, made her promise she won't leave, or at least, he should insist on going with her. He couldn't get rid of that agonizing feeling that what if that was the last time he had ever seen her?
His heart wasn't the purest, his intentions never entirely genuine. He could recognize what is good and what is bad, he had feelings although many people were saying the exact opposite. He just chose not to show them to anyone ever. Just because it was dangerous for him. He was a selfish God, relying on himself since childhood. He felt so much during his life, too many negative emotions, but they called him emotionless monster because he didn't want anyone else to think he is the weak one. He had always been less physically strong as his brother, less popular, less respected, living in lies, the boy who no one listened to. And now, someone stepped into his life and he decided to show her who he really is. He couldn't bear the feeling he would never see that person anymore.
This was the first time he really cared about someone else besides his brother.
"Dark thoughts?" a soft voice made him turn around. He realised he was standing on staircase leaning against the wall. He had no idea how he got there. Probably, he was walking back to his room from one of his walks around the city and got distracted by another memory of her walking this stairs in beautiful dress with happy smile on. He sighed.
"What gave me away," he followed her lead and sat on the stairs. Emma handed him a cup of tea and smiled weakly.
"You look a little lost in your mind since Milla left," she announced while looking at him. He looked exhausted with dark bags under his eyes and without that playful smile she got used to see on him. She wasn't entirely sure why, but she was certain it has to do something with Milla.
He didn't answer for a few minutes, but then he returned to the reality again and his eyes found hers. "I don't know where she is."
The look on his face was full of terror, it made Emma lower her eyes. The man in front of her was slowly being ripped apart and all she could do was watch. "Nobody knows. But she will come back," she hoped it will help at least a little.
"How could you know?" he asked.
"I don't. But she went for these kind of trips before. And she always comes back, that is her promise," she murmured back.
"Promise?"
"Yes," Emma smiled, the little bit of interest in his face was a lovely change. She liked that man, he always treated her with respect and made laugh with his witty responses and comments. And she liked him because Milla was smiling differently when he was around. "She gave me a promise, long time ago, that she will always come back."
"Well she can't come if she's dead," he whispered looking at liquid in his cup.
"Stop saying that," Emma frowned. She would be lying if she said that hadn't crossed her mind. Milla left in a bad emotional state and in horrible circumstances. She wasn't thinking clearly and her senses could be blurred. She was in horrible danger out there, alone, without anyone to protect her. But Emma forced herself not to think about this, not to accept the possibility of any harm.
"No, but you don't understand," Loki's brows furrowed. "If she died, it would be my fault. I let her go, I saw how damaged she was and I let her walk away," he shut his eyes tight, trying not to think about that.
"Stop blaming yourself, she lives."
"But what if? What if she will never...?"
"No," she interrupted him and looked directly in front of her, breathing slowly. "And let me tell you why. Because when I was just a little girl, my parents' house was destroyed by fire. She was just passing by, we were strangers and she walked to us, said she has a place for us to stay." Emma looked at him still frowning. "She asked nothing in return, she gave us roof over our heads, food, money, clothes, and they she went home. I ran to her, to offer her anything as a thanks. She said she will come back and we will figure things out, that now I should get some rest. I didn't believe her." she shook her head. "Milla promised and I didn't believe her, but she kept her promise. And she always came back. Even after I came here and she went on a trip, she always left a note promising she will come back. So stop saying she won't, because she will." Emma was slowly raising her voice. "She has to."
"But she didn't leave a note this time," Loki replied after minutes of silence. The tea was already cold and tasted like dust.
"I know," she sighed. "You are not the only one who is afraid."
And Loki realised he is not the only one who cares about Milla. She obviously meant a lot more to Emma than an employer. And suddenly, he understood why the house seemed so quiet to him. It was. Guards were doing their job more efficiently, but their voices were lower. Maids were talking with each other with sad faces. Cooks always went to ask someone if they should cook for Milla or not. Everyone's first question was if she came back.
"I am sorry, I may forgot."
"It's okay. I forgot you love her little differently than the rest of us," she slowly stood up and took both cups, one full and one empty. He watched her with that empty gaze again and all she could do now was squeeze his hand in support and try to smile. "Get some rest."
He did not answer, his mind already lost in thoughts. You love her little differently than the rest of us. Why would she say that? Did he really behave like someone in love?
He cared for her. She made him feel so much at the same time, feelings he didn't really had time to name until now. Everything was simple and it felt right when she was around. All he wanted to do was hold her in his hands, make her safe, call her his. He wanted to see her when he open his eyes in the morning and be sure she will be there tomorrow when he lay to sleep. And now, he was to terrified by the thought he killed her. Well, maybe Emma was right. Maybe it was time to be honest with himself. Maybe this is the closest to love he could ever get.
The time was passing painfully slow at night and extremely fast during the day. Darkness and quiet, her old enemies woke up those little monsters inside her head, giving them energy to remind her of her not so distant past. She hated that she was not strong enough to defend. All she could to was lie helplessly on uncomfortable bed with her eyes wide open and listen to them, minute after minute, night after night.
Milla looked out of the window to see the stars. When she was just a little girl, her father used to say that every star is a soul of someone who died. She used to pray to them, hoping they will let her join them when the time comes. She was always pointing at the most visible ones and announcing those were her grandparents, uncles and aunts or friends of her parents. On the other hand, her father pointed at the ones in groups saying those are soldiers who died in wars together. He ensured her they are like angels, watching over her every time she was out at night. She was never afraid of the dark because she never felt lonely.
Until now.
She realised she was alone and unprotected, weak from horrible events and for the first time since long time ago, she felt unsure of her actions. The strong spirit she was building for years was now badly damaged and she no longer felt safe under the sky full of stars. Because little monsters kept reminding her that not only a few souls in the there were trapped there because of her. Those occasional clouds over them reminded her that she was not forgiven.
Innocents died and she was still alive. The guilt was burning inside her chest, not letting her find a few hours of piece in sleep. The dreams kept repeating she saw everyone she had lost in a pool of blood in agony and when she turned around to run away with tears streaming down her face, she saw people she killed standing there. All of them with hateful look in their faces. She had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, no one to rely on. She often woke up with scream or sweat all over her body. Nightmares were rare in her case, but intense. She wanted this all to be over, to forget again, cover herself with a pile of work and no place for thinking.
She wasn't the person little Millanie hoped to be when she sat at the exact same ground. She believed in life full of people she could rely on, but in reality, she was the only one she could trust completely. She was looking at her birth house and imagining family dinners, loads of children running around with wide grins, her mother singing to call them back home, father telling some interesting made up story. She desperately wanted that life and when she realised it won't happen, she hid that dream in the corner of her mind. Because the only reason why she was back home was to tell Sarah's mother that her only daughter was dead.
Maybe if she wasn't so selfish, everyone would he happy and very much alive and she would be the one to take care of them from the night sky.
But she was, petrified by death itself, especially now when she finally found the place she belonged to. She had people who could make her laugh, people she promised something to, people who cared about her and she cared about them. They were the only reason why she had always come back even when she felt like giving up. They were reason why she smiled every morning although she was crying last night. They made her life exciting again, full of unexpected surprises and challenges. She felt alive again.
But not now.
Milla missed them so much. Of course, she knew she will come back in a few days, but God, she was still homesick. Those crappy beds and lack of sleep made her body scream in pain, and she still had to track down dozens of people and convince them Christopher's death was just a hunt accident and delete memories of him going to her party. It took her loads of energy she didn't have but she kept going. She was a fighter. And right now, she fought for safety of her and her friends.
Because Christopher was right, the people who want to kill her won't be gentle. During her journey to his house, she found out he had been meeting with some man, but nobody knew who he was. All she had was that he was tall and always wore black clothes. And that suited half of the population of the realm. It was a dead end and truthfully, it didn't matter now. She just wanted to go home as soon as possible.
To see those emerald eyes smiling at her again. To sneak on him and try to scare him. To laugh at his witty comments and give him a lecture on stopping with pranks. To hear him ask stupid questions just to annoy her and see him reading books she left on a coffee table in living room when he thinks nobody sees him. To knock on his door and say good morning with a mug full of coffee in her hand. And then listen to him complaining about waking him up for no reason. To look up and see him watching her carefully through the street. To yell at him for being spoiled prince.
She knew how much she hurt him and everyone else by walking away so quickly without a word. Milla was sure Emma got took care of guests after her departure and got the house to the previous state. She has to thank that girl for so much, especially for holding Loki and not letting him interfere on the party. But right now, Milla knew how quiet the house is and that everyone is worried. It was always like this when she left without guards. And Milla had always felt bad for making them feel like this. But this time, she felt the most guilt when she remembered Loki. The desperate terrified look in his beautiful eyes when he still believed she was dying made her feel like she was drowning. She had stopped doubting he didn't care long time ago. He cared for her and she cared for him and maybe little too much. The God of Mischief got under her skin without even trying, causing her muscles ache when he was not around. Her toughts found a way to get to him every time. She left memories of love in the past, but she remembered it was very similar to this.
But now, she needs to stop thinking and get some sleep. The sooner she get this over with, the sooner she will come home again. That is what she needs to be focusing on.
Loki gave up waiting for sleep and instead, he sat on a couch in his room and was thinking again. It was just like his last days on Asgard, except he sat on the throne then. With nobody to trust, all alone against the whole world, without a single ally. His mind was filling with visions, voices, memories from this world, slowly forgetting whatever he lived in Asgard. And Loki was not sure if he was willing to throw away everything from the place he grew up in. He had what he wanted but it wasn't right. Something was missing.
Someone.
As soon as he stood up to get some fresh air again, he heard something unusual. A sound, a quiet sound of a music instrument. He opened the door, his senses sharp and walked to the stairs silently. The sound was clearer and after a few steps, he knew what was going on. But he still had no idea why.
When he stepped into the living room, he stopped. The empty place by the terrace entrance was filled with a new object. And she was there, sitting on a small chair, pressing the keys delicately, creating a comforting melody. She did not look up, but he didn't care, she was there, back home and that was the only thing that filled his mind. She was alive and safe, smiling weakly at the piano, dressed in comfortable loose trousers and some shirt. The clothes were obviously not hers. Her hair was falling to her face as she was leaning over the keyboard. He could not speak nor move until she looked up and caught his gaze. And she didn't speak too, filling the silence with music.
He realised she stopped playing after a while. He still could not think about anything else but her, didn't allow himself to speak nor breathe. He was looking at her like she could vanish again any second.
"I bought a piano," she interrupted the silence with whisper. A careful smile appeared on her face. She never wanted to wake him up, but the temptation was too great. To calm down nerves from long journey, find peace by music. But nothing caused that warm feeling in her chest like him in front of her again.
"You are back," he breathed to the dark before finally walking to her.
"Yes. I told you that you won't even notice I am gone," she smiled at him. He was now just a few feet away from her and all she wished was to reach and hug him without any intention to let go. But all she did was looking at him, unable to move any of her muscles. She was so exhausted, too tired to even sleep and still full of dark monsters that kept her company all those days. And overall, she was afraid to close her eyes and see those faces again.
"Don't ever say that again," he told her offended. He crouched, never letting his eyes off her. He found no bruises, just dark bags under her eyes, but something was off. Her mind walls were not as strong as before. They were weak and if he wanted, he would easily slip past them and find out what she did all those days, or answers on any question. He could even make her think what he wanted. But he didn't. This wasn't her, she was broken a lot more than when she was leaving, too fragile and he was seriously curious how she could be uninjured.
"I missed you too," she said quietly. With that, he raised his hand and gently touched her cheek. She leaned into the touch and before he knew it, he held her tight in his embrace.
"Don't ever do that again," he said and kissed the top of her head. She closed her eyes.
"I won't," she laughed silently. God, she needed this. It was pathetic, but she felt so happy and safe in his arms.
"What were you doing all this time, my lady?" he asked when she looked up at him. He carefully let her go and moved to the couch. It was a lot more comfortable for both of them. But when he saw the pain in her expression when she stood up, he regretted moving. He walked back to her, and easily lifted her from floor. She thanked him as he put her on couch and sat right beside her.
"No, I am not hurt, just out of energy," she answered a question in his eyes. "As for what I was doing, well, walking and talking a lot, thinking even more and sleeping a lot less. But it was a successful trip, I guess," she pus her head on his shoulder and let him stroke her hand. If someone told her months ago that Loki, the God of Mischief was this gentle, she would never believed him.
"You should get some rest," he put his hand around her shoulders just so she could lie on him more comfortably. He was saying one thing but hoping for exact opposite. He wanted to remain like this for as long as possible, especially when she hugged him around his waist.
"I agree," she nodded and closed her eyes. "I am resting."
He laughed quietly. He loved her cat behaviour. Sneaky, cuddly, noble, playful, impressive, just his Milla. "I need to find some way to have some power over you. To rule you," he whispered with a smile.
"Good luck, my love," she laughed too. She felt her eye lids heavier and heavier, but she fought them. She felt so good and wanted this night to never end. Just remain here for the rest of her life, happy, secured with the most incredible and interesting man she had ever met.
After a few more moments of silence and after smiles left both of their faces, he asked again. "And what were you doing all that time, love?" she asked.
"You were the one on the adventure, weren't you?" he didn't really want to talk about him. Emma was right when she said he looked like a ghost, just a few hours ago. He did, lost in spiral of thoughts and plans, ideas and memories. He thought about everything and nothing, but bottom line, he created a plan, if she hadn't come back in a few more days and right now, he was not sure if he would make it happen. And Milla couldn't know about it.
"Yes, but I am too tired to remember what I did. Maybe I will tell you later," she looked up to his face. She felt the need to kiss him and not let go until they ran out of air. But it was a foolish idea.
"Fine," he sighed. "Nobody did anything. We had no one who would give us commands. We woke up when we wanted, walked around the house in pyjamas and smoked on balcony," he heard her chuckling. "One day, we had a food war. That was awesome," he smiled too, as she burst into laugh, thinking of more activities he and Thor always wanted to do when they were younger but couldn't because of their prince status. But they always found a way. "We were thinking about repainting the walls to sky blue, but you ruined it now."
"Oh, really?" she raised eyebrows. "I can leave again, you don't need me any-" she threatened until he but a hand over her lips and shushed her.
"Don't you dare," he interrupted her.
"I won't, promise," she laughed again. "Especially not when you had so much fun. I was chasing people and changing their memories, or telling them fake story about that bastard's death, asking about my future murderers and, of course, almost got into a fight with Sarah's brother when he accused me of murder. I wouldn't fight back, he was basically right."
"You should stop blaming yourself," he reminded her.
"No, it is my fault, I should realized something was wrong when I knew he will poison me," she announced making his eyes widen in surprise.
"You knew about the poison?" he pulled away from her, a hint of irritation growing in him.
"Sorry, I should have told you earlier," she looked at him with guilt.
"Yes, I am sure you should."
"Let me explain," she sat back and was searching for the right words. She didn't think about it this way - if she had told him before, she would have saved him a lot of trouble, and right now, she hated herself for being selfish again. "I saw the future just a few minutes before I walked to the party. I knew he will poison me, but I had no idea why and when, I just saw him poisoning my drink. There wasn't much I could do to prevent it."
"What about killing him at the begging?" he started to feel a little bit betrayed. And that emotion could do many bad things to him.
"I didn't want anyone to die. I tried to get out of that situation without any harm, you saw me thinking about ways out. It doesn't work that way, Loki. I don't see the future whenever I want; I just see a possible danger for me. But after that it is all up to my decisions."
"You saw me coming here," he said slowly, frowning.
"Yes, my prince, I did. But you have to admit that you could be a danger. Coming from a battle, full of unpredictable emotions, it was highly possible you would attack me," she reminded him. After a while, he had to admit she was right, but it still troubled him. A few dark thoughts came back - maybe she didn't trust him as much as he thought.
"Stop it," she forced him to look at her again and ran her fingers through his hair. "Whatever you are thinking, just stop. I can say from your face it is bullshit."
That made him smirk. He loved when she used slang. "Not many people can read from my face."
"No, but I know you, my love." She rested her head against him again and closed eyes.
"Which is unfortunate, because you are still a big mystery for me," he whispered. Whatever he wanted to think about could wait till morning.
"You have all the time in the world to solve me out," she smiled to his chest.
"Yes," there was something different in his voice, but Milla didn't notice. She was slowly forgetting the world and falling asleep in his arms.
When Milla woke up, she was laying in her bed covered in her favourite blanket. The mess she left there was gone and all broken furniture replaced by new one. She slowly turned around, hoping she would see him lying there too, but she was wrong. She closed her eyes again, letting all emotions from the night come back until she was smiling widely. She was home again and it was so easy to forget the danger she brought here. She decided not to think about this till later.
It took her a little longer to have a shower and get dressed while her body was still aching from exhaustion in the last few days. But she made an effort to look as good as she could. She was sure everyone in the house knew she is back and she couldn't wait to see them and hug everyone.
When she opened the door, she heard fast steps on her left side and before she could look that way, someone jumped at her. Her reflexes were still in state of emergency grabbed the figure and pushed it against the wall. With one hand on the throat and holding hands with another, she looked in Emma's horrified eyes. She let her go instantly, shocked by her own behaviour and worried about the thin figure in front of her. She took a step back, looking at her pale friend.
"I am so sorry Emma, I am sorry, it's a long and stressful week and I am still in that other mode," she was muttering quietly, trying to calm down.
"It's fine, I just wasn't expecting that," Emma took a few deep breaths and smiled again. Milla was constantly forgetting about that Emma was not a scared little girl anymore and that she had seen a lot worse. But she felt very protective of Emma. "It's okay, really."
"Oh, I' such a mess," Milla shut her eyes very tight before finally hugged Emma. The other girl laughed.
"You are, especially after these trips. Remember that time when you searched the entire house, inch by inch, because you were sure there are some death traps somewhere?"
"Those were dark times, we don't speak about that," but it made Milla smile too. Emma was right, it always took her a few days to accept she is home and safe again. But this time it was a bit different, because there were people out there who were preparing a plan to kill her. A serious group of people, not just some stupid ones with mind blinded by vengeance.
"No. But just to make you better, we checked and the food is not poisoned," Emma pulled Milla to the stairs. She hugged almost everyone and before they let her eat her food, they told her about how perfect Emma was and took care of guests at the party, and how she changed house back to normal like it was nothing. She thanked Emma with a glance.
The day passed like any other busy one, except that she used everyone to bring her the necessary while she was sitting at the terrace with a cup of tea next to her. She needed these extra minutes to rest her muscles.
"Good morning," a familiar voice interrupted her while reading her old diaries. She was looking at old cases, thinking about more and more people that were angry with her.
"It's almost dinner time," she didn't even look up.
"I had a date," he teased her a little more. That made her slowly turns to him as he was sitting on a chair next to her.
"Really?" she raised her eyebrows.
"Yes."
"Move, I can't see the garden," she nodded towards chair on her other side. He smiled widely, happy with the result. She way obviously annoyed by his notification. But he did as she asked.
The only things interrupting the silence were birds and turning the pages in her book. He hardly ever looked away from her and she was trying her best not to react. That was the tricksters plan and she hated when he knew how to confuse her.
"What date?" she asked after she finally gave up.
"Do you mind me having a date?" he provoked some more.
"No, I'm just curious."
"Well, she lives just a few houses that way," he pointed behind her. "I believe her name is Lily and she is beautiful."
"Why are you telling me all this?" she closed the book and finally looked him in the eye. She saw a lipstick on his cheek and almost forgot how to breathe. She believed he was just playing games with her, but obviously, he was telling the truth and needed someone to tell about it. Her heart started beating faster.
"You asked," he grinned. At this point, she hated him and the good feeling from this day and especially last night was gone.
"Yes, because you were expecting me to," she frowned.
"And I found out very interesting facts," he continued like nothing happened.
"Like? What kind of lipstick she wear? You should recommend her a different shade of red, this one makes her lips look swollen," she murmured with a little hurt tone.
"Are you jealous, my lady?" he mover closer to her, a visible interest in his face.
"Of course not, you can do whatever you want," she shook her head, but she was lying. Yes, she was jealous of that lovely girl she now hated and this behaviour was as childish as when she was arguing with Sarah about Arthur.
"You are jealous," this was a statement and it made her look at him again. She sighed and brushed that irritable lipstick from his cheek.
"Shut up."
He smiled. "Those interesting things I found out." He continued. "Two men, obviously not from this realm were asking about you in the neighbourhood while you were gone. Everyone said the same - that they hadn't seen you since the ball. I believe, they think you are dead." He touched her chin and made her look at him. "You should be safe, until they find out that you came back from the other side."
That information made her sit straight, but she hesitated with a smile. "What men?"
"She didn't know, just some men she said," he was annoyed. Honestly, that girl was the least of his interests. She was a simple one, not very intelligent, but pretty. As soon as he realised she could knew something, he used a part of his charm to make her tell him whatever he wanted. He was disappointed by how easily it went. There was no challenge and he was glad when she finally drank her coffee and he made some excuse to go home.
"Tell her thank you next time you take her on a date," she hissed the last word. "I know a good restaurant where you should have privacy, just ask me before."
"There will be no next time, my lady," he sat back. Milla looked at him again. What and why the hell is he trying to do? "I got what I wanted and the information was worth that boring conversation."
"So you just used her?" she narrowed her eyes. Loki nodded. And that made her heart melt, knowing he doesn't like another one and that he care enough to do something like that. The warm feeling was back. "She will hate you."
"I am sorry, but I can't create love on command."
"That is a pity."
"Yes, sometimes," he replied. When she looked at him again, she found some kind of softness in his eyes, the similar to the one when they were dancing together at the party. He was the most beautiful being in the whole universe.
They spend the rest of the evening with both Emma and Johnatan, looking through her old journals and diaries. First, they wanted Milla to stop working and get some more rest and Emma almost started arguing with her. But after a short staring contest, Milla explained she is relaxing this way too and after a few terms and conditions, they brought some food and discussed the perspective murderers till late at night.
She fell asleep on Loki again.