A/N: Hey guys, here's the next chapter. Sorry, I'm getting really terrible at updating. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you all enjoy this one.
...
True to his word, Nathan brought Sawyer to Peyton's the next day, and the day after that.
It was his third day in a row to see her, hear her, but not touch her. His anger over her moving on to Jake so immediately after they'd split still irked him, burned a seemingly never-ending supply of resentment in his soul.
Even still, as he remained in her presence the last three days, sneaking glances at her when her back was turned, he longed to reach out and pull her close to him, to devour those lips with his own, to plunder that soft but firm body...
He shook his head. He had to stop these wayward thoughts. The want to have her pressed painfully against him, the desire to bend her over and take her, to have her, was overwhelming him, trying to take control of his mind.
He couldn't let that happen again. He was still married and, damn it, she'd slept with Jake. He couldn't forget that. He wouldn't let himself forget that no matter how badly he craved her. He was just horny, he told himself, though he couldn't quite convince himself of it, especially since he and Haley had made love both last night, and again this morning. Apparently, his wife had let go of the anger she'd been harbouring against him for the whole credit card fiasco. He was at least glad for that.
But his thirst wasn't quenched, not even nearly. He realized it was because it was Peyton he yearned for, Peyton's body he craved. Her velvety opening he wanted to sink himself into. He got hard just thinking about her. Seeing her made it that much harder, literally and figuratively. Damn, this week was going to be hell. Why had he offered to bring Sawyer all week anyway? Was he just looking for ways to torture himself? Why should he care if she was miserable missing her daughter? She's the one who'd wanted to confess everything.
And besides that, she'd slept with Jake. That was the part he couldn't get out of his head.
He watched as she climbed the stairs with Sawyer. She'd been putting her down in her bed at nap time, and since her back was to him, he could feast his eyes on the tight fit of her jeans, the compelling sway of her hips.
Again, he shook his head and forced his eyes away. That wasn't helping his current predicament.
...
She knocked at his door and waited for him to open it rather than the quick knock and open that she would usually do.
She just wasn't sure what kind of reception she'd get today. Would he want her here?
She needn't worry. The smile Lucas offered her upon seeing her told her she was still welcome.
"Brooke, hey," he greeted.
"Hey," she returned with a deep breath. "Can I come in?"
"Of course," he replied, swinging the door wider. "I'll put coffee on."
"No need," she refused. "I can't stay long. I'm actually between meetings."
"Ok," he said softly. "How about a water then?"
She nodded now, her stomach in knots, unaware that his was too. "That would be nice," she droned out absently. She thanked him when he handed her the bottle of clear fluid.
He nodded in reply. "My pleasure," he said. An awkward silence followed before he spoke again. "I'm guessing you're here about Saturday?"
She nodded affirmatively. "Yes," she answered.
"I meant to call you about that too," he admitted sheepishly.
"So why didn't you?" she asked him. She'd been waiting for him to.
He shrugged and looked to the floor, suddenly feeling ashamed that he hadn't. "I knew you were busy this week," he said to excuse his lack of contact. "And I wasn't sure you'd want to talk to me," he confessed.
She nodded in understanding.
"Look, Brooke, about that kiss," he began. "I'm sorry, it was..."
"A mistake, I get it," she was quick to cut off.
"No," he answered just as quickly. "I wanted to kiss you and, honestly, I've wanted to for weeks."
"You have?"
"Yeah. I'm only sorry that you didn't reciprocate and that I may have damaged our friendship in the process because, pretty girl, that is something I'd never want to do. You mean too much to me to chance losing you completely."
She shrugged her shoulders, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. "That'll never happen," she said in her low, raspy tone. If the only thing he could offer her was friendship, then friendship it was, and she would value it as she would a precious jewel. The only way she'd managed to keep her feelings for him at bay all these years was because he'd still been a huge part of her life. The fact it was as her best friend's significant other had been hard as hell, but she'd convinced herself they were meant to be—Lucas and Peyton. They were destined to be together.
He nodded at her conviction. "Good to know," he said with relief. He didn't know what he'd do if Brooke wasn't in his life. If friendship was all she wanted, he'd learn to deal with that. It was better than not having her at all. But still, he had a burning question that plagued his mind ever since he'd kissed her. "Why did you run away?"
She pressed her lips together, pondering her response. She'd run away because she was terrified to get her heart broken again, but did she tell him that? She thought not. She put on her best fake smile, hoping he would not see through it. "Wouldn't you get freaked out if Haley suddenly kissed you out of the blue?"
His stomach dropped. "So, I'm like your brother?" he asked with disappointment. He could try to handle a 'friends' relationship, but a 'brotherly/sisterly' one, as what he and Haley shared, definitely not. Not with Brooke.
"Not exactly," he was relieved to hear her answer. "I don't have a brother," she went on jokingly, "but if I did, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be tempted to make out with him."
Luke chuckled in response and jested back. "That's true. Personally, I never get tempted to make out with my brother."
She laughed. "Good to know."
"So you were tempted?" he questioned. That was good to know too. He never would have guessed it the way she'd run.
"Luke..." she began in soft reprimand.
He put his hands up in mock defense. "Just asking."
She gave a small nod. "If it's all the same to you, I think we'd best hold off on any kissing."
He didn't agree. "Why? If we both want it to happen, what's the problem?"
"Really? The problem is you're still married to my best friend."
"We're separated," he pointed out. "I filed for divorce and she's not fighting me on that part."
"And the ink isn't even dry yet," she said. "The point is she's my best friend and it's a little soon for you to be moving on."
He made a face at the truth of her words. He was still tied to the woman who had spread her legs and moaned while another man sank into her. "Peyton moved on before we even split up," he said sourly.
"I understand that," Brooke replied. "And I also understand that you wouldn't still be so upset about it if you didn't still love her."
"To be played for a fool by the one who vowed to love and cherish me until death do us part?" he gasped. "I shouldn't be upset by that?"
"No, yes, you should be. I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm saying it wouldn't bother you as much if you weren't still in love with her," Brooke said weakly. "You're confused right now. Angry."
"Angry, yes," he admitted. "But I'm not confused."
"You say that, but...it's Peyton, Luke. Anytime you've tried to bury your feelings for her, you've failed miserably, and the girl you're trying to forget with gets crushed in the end. I've already been that girl. Twice. I won't be her again."
He shook his head in denial. "You were never that girl to me," he stated firmly. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Brooke, but you hurt me too. You've never been just the girl I was trying to forget with. How can you ever think you were? We were real whether you choose to believe that or not." It was her same old insecurities from high school coming back. She was afraid.
"Luke..."
"Fine," he conceded before she could finish, taking encouragement by the fact that it was fear that stopped her, not lack of interest. "You and I will be friends for now. But when my divorce goes through, which I'm told will take five to six months minimum, if you and I still feel like we want to be together, we won't let Peyton stop us. Fair?"
"Luke..."
"Fair?" he repeated.
Finally, she nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Fair," she agreed softly.
He took it. "Good," he said firmly. "I'm going to prove to you, once and for all, that you've never been a rebound for me."
...
She came down the stairs after putting Sawyer down. "She's out," she told Nathan, sighing when his gaze remained peeled on the television screen. "Must be an interesting game," she said of the football game he had on. "What's the score?" She didn't care what the score was, but it was her attempt to break the unbearable silence he'd treated her to for the third day in a row now.
He didn't answer her, and not because he was well aware that she wasn't interested in the score.
She heaved an audible sigh. He wouldn't even look at her, let alone speak to her. "You know, at some point, you're gonna have to talk to me," she chanced saying.
She was hit with more silence.
"Fine," she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Ignore me forever then. Just sit there like a bump on a log and pretend I don't exist."
Yeah, because that would ever happen, he thought. He couldn't ignore her if he tried. Couldn't ignore her, couldn't forget her. She was there always, in his head, in his dreams. He couldn't escape her. All he had left was his anger and he armed himself with it to the fullest.
"Nate..." she urged when he turned his head to look at her. It was just for a split second and it was to give her the dirtiest of looks, but still, it was something.
"If you're so starved for conversation," he shot out lowly, "why don't you give Jagielski a ring? I'm sure he'd rush right over."
"I told you Jake's back in Savannah," she retorted dryly.
And he was back to not answering, though she noticed the sour face he made. She actually preferred that over his non-reactionary position. At least it told her he heard her and wasn't completely oblivious of her presence. "Fine, maybe I will call him," she taunted. "At least he'll talk to me".
"Don't let me stop you," he mumbled.
It was her turn not to answer. Nathan was so cold, it broke her heart. And yet, he clearly still cared or he wouldn't be here at her house with her daughter.
She started to question her refusal to give him time to decide between her and Haley. Was it really so much to ask? As he'd said, walking away from a ten year marriage wasn't something one did on a spur of the moment. If she gave him the choice, she risked losing him.
If she didn't give him the choice or, rather, the time to make that choice, well, she'd already lost him.
Could she do it? Could she wait around patiently while he made up his mind if she was worth losing Haley over? She hadn't thought so, hence the reason she'd refused, but now that she was missing him so desperately, her mind had to shift to please her heart.
"Okay," she found herself saying several minutes later.
He looked over, brows quirked in confusion by the sole word after so many minutes of silence. "Okay, what?" he questioned sullenly. She was going to call Jake? Whatever.
"Okay, I'll give you time to make a decision," she answered. "That's what you wanted, right?"
His reaction wasn't as she'd wanted.
"That's great, Peyton," he said dully. "But you're too late." He'd asked her repeatedly for time and repeatedly she'd turned him down. Now she gives it to him?
Her heart sank. She was too late? Already? He'd already made his decision. "You're staying with her," she guessed numbly.
"Yeah," he said, his tone even and devoid of emotion. "She's my wife. We're always and forever, remember?"
Her throat went dry and she found it hard to breathe. "How could I forget?" she asked. He was always and forever reminding her. "Well, I guess you didn't need time after all." Not much of it anyway.
He shot her a cold look. "You didn't give me much choice."
She was suddenly furious again. What right did he have to be mad at her for anything? "Why?" she shot out. "Because I wouldn't give you time, or because I hooked up with Jake while you snuggled in bed with your wife?"
He said nothing, which told her it was the latter. "God, you're unbelievable! You go home to your wife but expect me to sit around and pine for you."
He was silent. It sounded bad, he knew. But he couldn't deny it any more than he could deny the anger that overtook him to know that she hadn't waited for him. That she'd immediately moved on, just as she'd done when they'd split up in high school. He wasn't proud of the feeling, but it was what he felt all the same. The idea of her and Jake...her with any other man...infuriated him as much as he knew it shouldn't.
She was screaming at him now, really letting him have it, telling him what he already knew—that he had no right to be angry. No right to expect a damn thing from her. No right to be upset if she moved on. He let it go in one ear and out the other. She wasn't saying anything he hadn't already told himself a thousand times. Nothing he wasn't already aware of.
Until...
"God! Nothing even happened with Jake!"
His head snapped up at her unexpected outburst. Nothing had happened? Why had she said it had? Why would she torture him like that?
As though reading his silent questions, she went on. "I only said that because you were still with Haley even though you told me you loved me. And I was mad, ok? I was mad because I left Lucas for you and now my life is a mess because of it. And I know you said you wouldn't leave Haley, but then you changed your mind and wanted time to think about it, but apparently you've changed it back again and made your decision to stay with her. But you keep coming around. You're here now, and I don't even know what to think anymore, and you're mad because you think I was with Jake, but you won't even tell your wife about me. And you want to know the worst part?" she added without even taking a breath. "I wouldn't change anything that happened between us. Even with the shambles my life has become, I wouldn't change a damn thing about what we did. How sad is that? That I don't regret having an affair with my husband's brother for a damn second?!"
She didn't realize he'd stood up until he was right in front of her and was wiping away the tears she also hadn't realized she'd been crying.
And then he was kissing her and pulling her over and atop him on the couch, his big, strong hands already roaming her body.
She let him do it. She kissed him back and her own hands travelled, eager to have his hard body pressed against hers again.
To hell with right and wrong. It felt incredible to be back in his arms.
She tugged at his shirt. His lips parted from hers only to pull the shirt over his head. His lips and hands continued their exploration, his rough fingers coming in contact with the bare skin under her own shirt.
They groaned simultaneously, hers soft, his gruff, both longing.
But then the voice of the little girl neither had noticed nor heard descend the staircase tore them apart abruptly.
"Mommy, I scared."
Peyton jumped to her feet, adjusting her clothing before she rushed over to her daughter whom she'd thought was asleep. Maybe she had been, she thought vaguely, and her screaming had woken her. Was that what she was scared of? Or had she had another of her bad dreams? Either way, it was her job as her mother to soothe her and make her feel safe.
"Oh, sweetie," she said softly. "There's nothing to be scared of. Come on, Mommy will lay down with you, okay?"
Again, Nathan watched her take her daughter up. This time he wasn't angry, but he was definitely on fire.
...
Clay looked at the caller ID on his ringing cell phone and picked it up. "Hi Hales," he said pleasantly and, he hoped, calmly. "What's up?"
"Hey," Haley returned. "I'm glad I caught you. You must be busy these days." Looking for another job, she figured, since he'd quit his at the agency.
He had been a little busy. Trying to set up his own agency and lining up potential clients was not easy work. But Haley didn't know anything about that. "What makes you say that?"
"You haven't been around in a while," she answered.
He couldn't help but smile at that. "You miss me?" he asked lightly, bordering on flirtatiously.
"Of course," she returned, her own tone light. "And even more than that, I think Nathan does too."
Oh, this was about Nathan. Of course it was.
"I'm not sure if you know he's been back for five days," Haley went on in question. She was sure he knew even if he wasn't his agent anymore. He was still his best friend and should be aware.
Clay nodded though she couldn't see that. He knew Nathan's season was over and he should be back by now. "Yeah, I figured," he said.
He figured? So they hadn't spoken? Odd. Like so many other things lately, particularly her husband's subtle distance toward her these days, his lies about the credit card, his refusal to help Lucas financially. Something was going on with him. Something was different. She'd even felt it when they'd finally made love last night and again this morning. He'd been there physically, but emotionally she'd sensed he was elsewhere, somewhere far away.
And then again, she thought about Clay's drunken spiel at Tric last week. 'What? You think Nathan's the better guy? Cause he's not. He's not the good guy you all think he is. You hear me, Haley? He's not the perfect husband you imagine him to be. Just ask Brooke. She can tell you.'
She was even more sure that something was off. "Did something happen with you two?" she questioned. If Nathan and Clay had clashed over work, that may explain some of Nathan's strange behavior lately.
It took a while for Clay to answer, and when he did, he admitted to small differences of opinion only between him and his best friend. If Nathan and Peyton had ended their brief affair, then who was he to spill the secret that was sure to break this lovely woman's heart to shreds?
"Okay," Haley replied. "Well, it's time to settle those differences," she went on. There was no point letting a minor disagreement ruin a solid friendship. "Why don't you come over for dinner this Saturday? I'm sure Nathan would love to see you."
Clay wasn't so sure about that. Being one of the few people who knew what he'd done, he was sure Nathan would be happy to keep avoiding him. "I don't know, Hales..."
"Come on," she insisted. "I know you miss him too."
He did. Of course he did. Regardless of mistakes made. But the respect he'd recently lost for him because of those mistakes was hard to ignore.
Haley, however, was even harder to ignore and was very persuasive. Soon Clay found himself accepting her invitation to dinner.
"Great! We'll see you then," she said enthusiastically as one did when getting their way.
"Yeah, see you then," he replied with less enthusiasm.
He hung up the phone and sighed, wondering how, knowing what he knew, he was supposed to sit through a dinner with his best friend and said best friend's wife whom he was crazy about.
...
Mr. Jones peeked into her classroom just as she was hanging up her phone. His stomach tightened when she fixed him with her brilliant smile. That smile lit up the room. He returned it, but took a deep breath to keep himself in check. She was a married woman and, as much as he would like to, he couldn't go there. He wouldn't go there.
But that didn't mean he couldn't be friendly with her, even as his arms ached to wrap around her, his fingers itched to gently brush aside that loose strand of hair that fell to her face, his lips yearned to...
He forced himself to stop letting his thoughts run array. She was married, damn it. He should go for one of the other half dozen attractive and single co-teachers who'd shown interest in him since his arrival, not this one who was unattainable. He silently wondered if her husband knew how lucky he was to have this beautiful woman.
He smiled again and walked past, as he always did, repeating to himself that he seriously could not go there. That she would not even let him go there. Such a pity. A damn pity.
...
She climbed down the stairs, now certain that Sawyer was sound asleep. She hesitated at the bottom step when she saw Nathan still sitting on the couch, his shirt back on. He was slouched over, hands on knees, and his face buried in his hands.
She bit her bottom lip. He regretted what had just happened, she guessed. He would apologize and tell her again that he was staying with Haley, essentially saying, though not in so many words, that what they shared meant nothing, at least in comparison to what he and Haley shared.
She should have known better than to let him so close again and raise her hopes again. She'd been doing so well at evading him, or so she'd thought.
He glanced up when her shadow darkened the ray of light shining through the window. She was approaching him, looking as guilty as he felt.
His eyes confirmed to her his regret, and her heart broke all over again. Damn her stupid hope. She should know better. Well, she still had her pride, so she wasn't going to stand there and have him repeat to her how Haley was his world and meant everything that she didn't. She would speak first. "So, that was obviously a mistake," she said dryly.
He nodded. "Yeah," he agreed, she noted, without hesitation.
She swallowed hard. Of course he didn't hesitate. What had she expected? Certainly not what came out of his mouth next.
"I can't stay away from you, Peyton," he said gruffly. "And I don't regret anything between us either. I know I should, but I don't."
She stood silently, waiting for him to go on.
"I'm sorry I've been such a dick. I'm gonna tell Haley," he finally concluded.
"Tell her what, exactly?"
"That I want to be with you."
...
A/N: Happy Valentine's Day everyone!