Matthew held the tiny body delicately in his hands. Wrapped in the blanket Cora brought from Downton, the baby was quiet.
A miracle. Any child being a miracle.
George's mouth puckered and opened and closed as if in slow motion. His eyes remained tightly shut.
Matthew looked over to Mary. "I think he's hungry." Matthew's eyes then went wide in happy surprise as his son's opened suddenly. As bright blue as his own.
"Hi there…" His voice softened. His own eyelids fluttering rapidly in weariness.
Mary, in the hospital bed feeding Jeremy, watched her husband. She was, of course doubly exhausted, and it was just the beginning. Who had ever said it was good to have the pregnancy end was insane! Oh wait, she thought…she said that.
She could barely think at all as her head ached, her body bushwhacked, her breasts red and sore. The lactation nurse was hovering way too close for her comfort. She wanted to tell her back off!
But as Jeremy suckled, the little squeaking sounds emanating from his mouth, she knew it was worth it.
YES IT WAS… Her mind screamed as her body wavered. This was real. This was life.
AND IT WAS ONLY THE FIRST NIGHT!
The day had started with the interviewing of a night nurse and ended with the birth of her children. Matthew had raced Mary to the hospital after getting the SUV in front of the house and leaping out to help Emily out the door with Mary leaning on them both.
She had fussed that "She was perfectly capable of walking."
Matthew said, "Humour me…" And reached around with his hand to support her inside the car.
Once at the hospital she was immediately admitted to the maternity unit and strapped to a fetal monitor and Dr. Walsh had been texted out of another consultation. The nurse did a preliminary exam to determine Mary's dilation. At four cm she was already along the road to a natural childbirth. But the final decision would rest with Dr. Walsh when she did her check of the positioning of the twins. As she told Mary if mom is healthy, the babies are near term but not too big, and positioned well she'd get her way with a vaginal birth.
If there were complications a C-section was the safest option.
Mary understood and agreed. She hoped that both twins were in the vertex or head down position and there was no prolapsed cord after delivery of the first boy. She also knew that an Epidural was also probably in her future. It was the safest way to deliver the twins. She was promised she'd still feel the need to push.
Matthew, holding Mary's hand through it all, collecting cups with ice chips and listening intently to the doctors and nurses. He had retrieved his mobile from Emily after she notified the hospital and now, as Mary either tried to rest or was examined to see if she was nearing the active phase of labour called the entire family to notify them that it was happening. IV fluids were being administered
"This is not a drill." He told Sybil.
"Are they sure?" His sister in law the medical resident was doubtful. "She's probably just experiencing…"
Matthew had to cut her off as Dr. Walsh called him over, "No Sybil. This is happening. Believe me. Can you tell Edith?"
Matthew then heard Sybil's scream of delight as she breathlessly said she'd tell her sister and they'd get there as soon as possible.
He clicked off and grabbed Mary's mobile to call her mother and father. "Cora. Matthew here. Mary's in labour. We've just arrived but she's already at 6cm. The doctor says the twins intend to make their appearance rather more quickly than we had ever thought."
"I'll be there." Cora said. She hesitated for a moment but Matthew reassured her that he'd call Robert.
"Thank you." He could hear the relief in her voice. "You can do this." She added, as if to release Matthew's own strain as much as she could. "Your love is a shining thing. You and Mary can do this."
He rung off and clicked on Robert's number. After a few rings his father in law answered. "Mary?"
"No Robert this is Matthew. It was easier to find your number on Mary's mobile. We're at the hospital."
A long pause.
Matthew assured him, "I've already spoken to Cora. She's coming right now to be with Mary. I will call again when it's all over why don't I? And then you can come visit."
A note of relief in Robert's answer. "I'll do just that. Give her all my love."
Another pause. Then, "Thank you Matthew."
From his old nemesis that meant a lot. "I'll be right here with her the whole time." Matthew clicked off.
And returned to Mary's side.
She gripped his hand tight. "It's hap pen… ing…" in a halted series of breaths from his wife, her face red with effort and strain.
Matthew's face mirrored his wife's. His words halting, "I know. They'll be perfect my darling."
He jerked his head towards the nurse monitoring the twin's heart rates. She nodded encouragingly.
Dr. Walsh saying, "Everything looks great. I think you're going to get your natural delivery."
Mary could barely nod acknowledgement. She was happy but concentrating very much only on what her body was telling her. To push. These boys wanted out.
"We'll be doing the epidural very soon. Matthew could you take Mary's hand while we shift her to a sitting position."
Mary gripped Matthew's fingers tight. Very tight.
Deathly tight. His hand throbbed, but Matthew didn't say a word. Mary's face was taut with concentration, eyes forward towards the collected doctors and nurses. She really didn't want to hear anything from him. Just to be there.
And he would do just that. So he bit his lip, and held her hand as steady as he could.
When the nurse readied the syringe Dr. Walsh said, "We're going to have Dr. Penwright perform the procedure."
Mary gave a quick, critical assessment of the intern. She had been warned by both Sybil and Dr. Walsh that a key part of any training for future doctors was to perform procedures on real patients. Sybil saying she had done an entire birth during her OB residency with no complications and Mary could expect the same level of competency. "They wouldn't let them do it otherwise."
But this child, and Mary couldn't help but think of her as such as she seems much younger than Sybil even, looked slightly panicked as she kept shifting her eyes from mother back to her supervising doctor.
"Very well." Mary said, through clenched teeth pain. She knew they couldn't get on with things until she was numbed. In case of an emergency this was the safest route. "But I will still feel the contractions? And push?"
Dr. Walsh turned to Alice Penwright. The younger woman nodded, "Yes you will feel a stick, some pinpricks, and then the lower half of your torso and legs will be numb. But it is a regional analgesic block to numb the pain, not an anesthesia which would lead to a total lack of feeling. Epidurals block the nerve impulses from the lower spinal segments. I'll begin shall I?"
Mary narrowed her eyes to slits, but agreed. "Yes." Her grip on Matthew tightened again.
Matthew put his forehead to Mary's tete a tete so that he would concentrate on his wife rather than observing the insertion of the needle and catheter.
A few minutes later, Dr. Penwright said with a note of satisfaction "Done."
Dr. Walsh agreed. "You can lie back."
Matthew helped Mary back onto the hospital bed. Dr. Penwright stood back once again.
"Is that it?" Mary inquired to her doctor.
"If labour is slowed due to the Epidural we might have to administer Pitocin…" But the frown from Mary made her hasten to say, "But that is unlikely. You are very far along. It shouldn't be long now."
Matthew licked his lips rapidly. Bit down on them. Tried to fight the wave of panicked nausea that descended on his body.
Not long now, he thought. The room buzzed with a little more activity as aides and nurses readied equipment for the babies arrival.
Mary shivered. He bent down close. Kissed her forehead, slicking back some of strands of hair. It was sweat soaked.
"You're going to start pushing very soon. Can you scoot down a bit." Dr. Walsh was all business now.
Mary appreciated that. She understood it was game on. Just like the minutes before the timer went off in a competition. The horse twitchy in anticipation beneath her.
Go time.
Mary breathed in from her nose and out from her mouth. Calming breaths.
"Ok…" Dr. Walsh said, "Time to push in earnest."
Matthew's own breaths came in rapidly. He tried to breathe in sync with Mary to help her.
"Push now…" the doctor encouraged. "You wanted this… remember."
Mary grunted and her face reddened. A long moan… then another.
"And …." Dr. Walsh said. "…more…"
Minutes later Matthew heard, "the first one is crowning. Come Matthew. Come have a look at your son."
His eyes went wide. Matthew turned to Mary. She let go of his hand. Tried to smile, but it was replaced by another moan.
Matthew moved just in time to see the squinched face of his son emerge. He choked up and started to cry. "Get under control man…" He told himself.
"Would you like to cut the cord?"
His hand shook, but guided by the nurse he snipped the umbilical cord in the correct spot.
Ten little fingers.
Ten little toes.
They the nurses whisked him away for the APGAR test and cleansing.
But something was missing…
Matthew asked, tears still streaming from his face. "Why…why isn't he…?"
And then this piercing wail screeched through the air. "Oh…" Matthew dropped his head in utter relief. "there it is…"
There was so much activity in the room now. Monitors going off. He was discombobulated.
But not as much as Mary.
He rushed back to her side. "You're doing so well. He's perfect. George is perfect."
She could barely nod, the concentration on pushing their second son taking all her energy. Her control.
"Here he comes…Push…PUSH!"
Mary gave the loudest grunt of her life and pushed. Matthew leaned his body against her back and gripped her shoulders.
"Now…" Dr. Walsh said. "Now…" And then another, softer cry greeted his brother's across the room.
"Jeremy's out." Matthew said. Mary dropped in exhaustion down onto the bed.
He followed same instructions for the cord cutting and Jeremy was taken away to the attending nurses.
George was brought over to Mary.
They adjusted the bed so that she could sit upright. Shaky arms reached out to take the little boy.
Mary's face was red. Sweating. Tears mixing with perspiration.
"Can you …can you…" She could barely speak to Matthew.
He knew what she wanted. His arms supported hers as she held their son.
The baby's eyes were open, his face puffy.
"Darling…" Matthew kept kissing and rubbing his lips against her forehead. "Darling…" His head leaned against hers.
They watched their son squiggle and squirm.
Matthew grinned madly as George's tiny lips opened and this wail emerged that threatened to test the boundaries of human hearing.
"Someone's not happy to be outside his mummy's warm belly." Dr. Walsh walked over. "Good set of healthy lungs. I love it." She gave Mary a big smile.
Mary was so exhausted. And it was only the beginning. Her eyes closed, she held the baby closer against her chest.
Matthew went to fetch some ice chips from the cart across the room.
Dr. Walsh asked, "What's the little guy's name?"
Mary blinked rapidly, trying to remember her own name. Then after a moment she said, "George Matthew Crawley."
Matthew returned just as George's brother was brought over. "And Jeremy Reginald Crawley." He took the infant from the nurse.
It had all happened so fast. According to plan, Mary would have said. Perhaps even a bit smugly. Had she not been to overwhelmed to even notice.
That's where he came in. To help out wherever he was needed.
"We need to give some time for Mary." Dr. Walsh said to Matthew. "I need to examine her. So we're going to take the baby's to the nursery and you can go tell the family."
"Are they here?" Matthew looked around wildly. He pushed his fingers through his hair.
"Outside." One of the nurse's said. "One of them wanted to come inside, but I kept them all out."
Matthew had to laugh. "That must have been Sybil. She's in her medical residency. I'll go out."
Matthew looked over at Mary. She had heard the conversation about the family being outside and knew Matthew would go out to greet them. But she had her hands full of babies and could only give a weak smile and nod as he blew her a loving kiss.
XX
"Are you as glad I am that we're alone?" Matthew said as he lifted George into Mary's arms and took Jeremy.
Sybil and Edith had hugged Mary and held each of the twins. Promising to help out whenever she needed them. Robert had held back a bit until coaxed by Mary to come over and hold his firstborn grandson.
"My dearest girl…" He choked on some tears as he kissed Mary's cheek.
Cora said very little to Robert but the two grandparents stood side by side at the twin cots gazing lovingly down at the boys as they slept.
Then Jeremy had started to cry and the lactation specialist took him over to Mary.
Robert was to first to leave. Then Sybil and Edith.
Mary's eyes drooped. She could barely put a coherent sentence together. Her lower torso and limbs finally tingling with sensation again. The lactation specialist had been the last to leave after she was confident the infant was suckling properly.
Except for Cora. The new grandmother doted over her two new boys. She had given Mary the blankets to wrap each one in utter comfort. "Those hospital ones are so thin," she made a face. "I bought and laundered these so they're soft and comfy."
And only when Mary requested some quiet time did Cora get the hint that the new parents wanted to be alone. One last kiss for each boy and she was gone.
"They mean well." She tried to be diplomatic. "But next time they visit, let's space them all out."
The two parents chuckled.
She did have to ask, "Where's Isobel?" It was odd that Matthew's mother had not arrived from Manchester.
Matthew pursed his mouth. "She's still home. Helping out at the hospital after the ..uh… incident at the concert."
Mary's face darkened in understanding. "That's very good of her."
Matthew nodded. "She'll be here within a day or two though." Jeremy was falling asleep and Matthew got up to put him in the hospital crib.
"Any word on when you go home?" Matthew realized that just being here twelve hours with all the nurses and specialists and help from family it made the illusion they actually had this under control.
When he knew they did not. They could possibly not.
"Once the twins are checked again and Dr. Walsh is satisfied with my progress she said I could leave as early as tonight." Mary adjusted George's head. He was asleep as well. Warm and safe in her arms.
How could that possibly be? She asked herself for she had never felt so out of her depths in her life. Usually self-reliant to the maximum now she knew this threatened to overwhelm her.
It was one thing to worry in theory. It was another when two sets of eyes looked to her for all their needs.
What the hell did she know?
But she knew how to fake it. Even when she knew her horse was not the best in the competition she'd never let her competitors know it.
Not that it was the same of course. But her attitude needed to be. It was a mind game she hoped.
Believe she could do it. And she'd do it.
Mary kissed her son's forehead. "Jeremy is asleep." She yawned.
Matthew's lips twitched in humour.
"What?" Mary furrowed her brow. "Can you take him? I want to lie down."
Mouth still contracting but without a word, he reached out his arms. "Come to me Georgie boy."
Mary then realized her mistake. She snorted at the error, but recovered nicely. "I knew that was George…I was testing you."
Matthew cocked his head, "Of course my darling."
"Bastard…" She muttered with a wicked side eye.
He gave her a wink. "Get some sleep."
She looked slightly concerned that Matthew would be in charge of both twins if she took a nap.
"Don't worry." His lopsided grin comforted her. "I got this."
XX
Two months later Matthew almost had to eat his words.
He had no idea such exhaustion existed. He hadn't showered. He felt grimy and grubby. Not his favorite feeling. And he had no idea how to calm them down. It was like they had one mind. They slept together. Ate together. Were happy together.
Screamed bloody murder together.
The new night nurse, Iris Graham was due within the hour to help relieve him. Cora had stepped out to have lunch with some friends.
Mary had gone back to Downton Stables to oversee some budgetary concerns Claire had in the office. Matthew wanted her to handle it over the phone, saying it was too much.
She had said hotly, "I'm not fragile Matthew. I had a natural childbirth. Dr. Walsh gave me the go ahead to get out more. And I intend to do just that." She glared at him "Unless you can't handle it until Iris arrives. I can call my mother back in?"
Matthew gritted his teeth. They had gotten on each other's nerves regularly in the past months. Even with the nurse help to put the children back in their cots after Mary fed each, Matthew wanted to help. But everything he tried to do he was told he was in the way. Hovering too much. Both parents stumbled around as if in a fog.
It was very challenging.
Matthew knew she was going a bit stir crazy at Crawley House. Nursing the twins sapped all her energy. She had been tired all the time. The doctors recommended another night at the hospital before going home, and even only then when she was assured the night nurse had been hired and was ready to go. Emily, Mary had decided, was too young for the responsibilities of twins and hired her instead as a part time nanny baby sitter. When the boys were a few months old Mary wanted to start weaning them onto the bottle and being able to get around more freely and back to work on a regular basis. And then Emily would take on more duties.
But until then Mary had hardly ever left the house.
So this was an opportunity for her to get back some of her life.
Matthew bit back his initial opposition and let her go.
And then they started to cry in unison. It was like a symphony of yelps and bellows in rising frequencies and intervals.
Matthew held one in his arms while rocking the other in the portable crib. George stopped crying but just as he tried to put him down, started up again.
He tried to give a bottle of the expressed milk Mary left, Jeremy spit it out.
Changed them both just to have something to do.
Eventually he decided to walk them both around in his arms. George in his left. Jeremy in his right.
Hushing and cooing sounds with his mouth. And then he tried to sing a children's song or two. And then he ran out of songs he knew.
Then he remembered a song he sang at a Rugby School talent show. Did he remember the words?
"…You can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done…
They actually began to yawn in unison. "Thank the lord for small blessings…" Matthew muttered under his breath. He hummed some more as it seemed to sooth the twins. Then continued.
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
It suddenly came to him how perfect these words were.
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
They started to drift off… "how wonderful life is while you're in the world." He finished, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
Maybe he could do this after all.
XX
Mary rocked George while he suckled. She was sore all over. Her breasts red and raw. She must look a fright but after coming back from Downton Stables she didn't even feel like getting into the shower.
She let Iris leave early that night, saying she and Matthew would be fine. Her mother was expected back and would remain the night.
While Jeremy slept, George was awake and hungry. Matthew was out in the kitchen putting together another one of the Fresh Foods meals. He seemed annoyingly chipper when she came back home. Even a bit smug that both boys were quiet and happy in their cots.
Mary did not mention how the bags under his eyes, though, made it clear to her just how much effort it took to get them that way.
But now the house was quiet. And she just wanted it to remain so.
Cora was downstairs sorting her own laundry, insisting she would not put anyone else out. Iris handled the babies as part of her duties. Mary knew one of her tasks as soon as Iris left was to hire that housekeeper. She had no intention of dealing with all these household things on top of getting back to work and riding.
Matthew would just have to deal.
She knew she had been on him a lot lately. She needed to tell him just how much she loved how hands on he was with the boys.
And admit, against her will, that he had been right today to advise not going to the Stables. That ate at her pride. But she knew it was the truth.
Matthew walked in to the boy's upstairs room, taking a minute in the doorway just to admire the quiet beauty of mother and child.
It always took his breath away.
"Hello." He said, walking over to his family. "Cora is in with Jeremy."
"You can bring George to her if you would." Mary said as he released from her breast. She put him on her shoulder to burp.
"Would you like some dinner?" Matthew waited for her to finish with George.
She shook her head. "There…" And she handed the baby over. "Come right back will you?"
Matthew scooped George into his arms and brought him down to Cora.
"We'll be fine Matthew." Cora said, taking the infant from his father's arms. "Go to Mary. Take some time off. You both deserve it."
With a grateful smile, Matthew escaped upstairs.
He re-entered the boy's room to see Mary still sitting in the rocking chair.
"Let's go to our bedroom." He cocked his head across the hall. "I'll run you a bath."
"Hmmmm…" She cooed. "Delicious."
Matthew walked across to help her up. "I have a confession…" She said as he held out his arms. She took his hands and got up from the rocker.
"What's that?" He slipped his arm around her waist. He was intrigued. Mary never admitted to failure.
"I should not have gone into the Stables today. It was very draining. Jerry chided me when I tried to walk Jellybean around the livery yard. I stumbled a bit."
Matthew's face paled. "What?"
"I know… I know." Mary looked sheepish. "She looked so forlorn. Jerry said the Bean was off her food. I was worried. So I thought I'd walk her around a bit. I didn't ride her."
"You're ok now?" Matthew did not want to reproach her. She didn't have to tell him anything. So he just listened.
"Yes. I rested. Had a glass of water. Some food." Mary rested her head on his shoulder.
Matthew then asked "And the Bean? Was she happy to see you?"
Mary gave a sudden beatific smile. "She was." Jellybean had responded immediately to Mary's touch. Her soothing voice. She had missed her. "We missed each other. I think she'll be better now. Maybe tomorrow we can go together. You can drive me over."
That was a lot for Mary to admit to. Matthew knew how much she loved her horse. She knew her first priority were the twins. They were her life. Her loves. But she also considered the thoroughbred as a part of that family.
Somehow they would work it all out.
But for right now he just said, "Come with me."
He had put some fragrant, soothing bath salts into the warm water in the large iron clawfoot tub in the en suite bath they had added to their bedroom as part of the renovations. Sacrificing some closet space for the bath was one they both agreed would be fine.
"Aaaah…" Mary eased into the water after slipping off her leggings and top. Matthew massaged her shoulders as he kneeled down by the side of the tub.
"So nice." Mary sank into his loving touch. Her head went back and their lips met in a lengthy kiss.
"Hand me that glass will you I want to try to wash my hair. It's just awful."
Matthew moved to get the glass. He put it under the tap, mixing the cold and hot until it was just right, and said to Mary in a hot whisper, "I'll wash your hair. You just relax. Let me help you."
Mary let him do just that. She felt she could not be in better hands. She felt his love in every touch.
Maybe they'd survive this after all.
XX
So babies are happy. And our weary parents are surviving. I hope you love George and Jeremy as much as I do.