Chapter 24

Haley stood in the doorway of room 301A in the Intensive Care Unit with Doctor Betters behind her. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and she put a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs as she stared at the man in the bed. Her Aaron was always a strong, vibrant, and energetic man, and to see him so broken and still nearly broke her heart. Betters gently placed a hand on her shoulder to steady her, and she tried to draw a bit of strength from it.

"Can…can I talk to him? Will he be…able to hear me?" she asked without a glance back at the doctor.

"We believe so, Mrs. Hotchner. And please, don't be afraid of all the machines and wires. Believe me when I say each one is necessary."

"I understand. It's just so…so…hard to…to see Aaron like this. He's always been such a strong man."

"Trust me when I say we'll do our very best for him."

"Thank you." She offered Betters a small smile. "I'll be all right. Thank you."

Betters smiled in return. "You're welcome. If you need anything, just press the buzzer near the head of the bed." He then turned and walked away as Haley slowly entered the room, and for a moment, stood at the head of the bed looking down at her husband.

"Oh, Aaron," she said, her voice shaky, lower lip quivering. "What has he done to you?"

Choking back a sob, Haley grabbed the plastic chair against the wall and moved it beside the head of the bed. After sitting down, she wiped her cheeks with the palms of her hands and studied the man lying in the bed.

Hotch lay on his back, surrounded by machines and wires. She glanced at the continuous beeping of the heart monitor showing he was alive. There were three IVs hanging from poles on both sides of the bed. One of the needles at the other end was inserted in the back of his hand. The other in the crook of his opposite elbow. The third tube was partially hidden beneath the sheet covering part of his body. She understood this was the feeding tube to supply nourishment, while the others supplied meds and needed fluids. Then there was an automatic blood pressure cuff wrapped around his upper arm which periodically inflated and deflated as it monitored his blood pressure. On the forefinger of one hand was a pulse oximeter which measured the oxygen in his blood. Finally, there was the nasal cannula, its two prongs in his nostrils to help him breathe. The tube was attached to Hotch by an elastic head band so as to make caring for the injuries to his face easier.

"I am so sorry, Aaron," Haley murmured as she reached out and placed his hand in hers mindful of the needle in the back of his hand. "Aaron, it's Haley. I'm here. Your entire team is downstairs as well. They'll visit you later. I…I'm so sorry this happened to you." With her other hand, she gently stroked his dark hair and gazed lovingly at his face. She swallowed the lump in her throat at the gauze on both of his cheeks which covered the carvings on his face. "Jack wanted to come but it's not advisable right now. But he sends his love as does Jess. Aaron, honey, I can only stay five minutes per doctor's instructions. But I want to tell you I love you so much. And no matter what happens, that will not change. I just want you to know that."

Haley sighed wearily and studied her husband's face and chest. The sheet covering him had been pulled up to mid-chest because of the knife wound. Gauze covered the cut on his chest as well as the punctures on his upper chest and chin. She turned her attention to the foot of the bed and saw the soft casts on both of his feet. She could only imagine the damage done to her husband's feet from the caning. Then she looked at where Aaron's left knee was and saw the outline of the knee splint used to stabilize the grossly swollen and injured knee. She then looked at his groin area and grimaced at what lay beneath the sheet hidden from sight. Haley tore her eyes away and re-focused on his face.

"I am so, so sorry this happened to you, Aaron. You didn't deserve this. None of it." Haley turned suddenly hearing a door open, and saw a nurse standing in the doorway. "Yes?"

"I hate to disturb you, Mrs. Hotchner, but it's been twenty minutes. Doctor Betters' orders. I'm sorry."

Haley smiled. "I understand." She got to her feet, leaned over, and kissed Hotch's forehead. "I have to leave now, Aaron. I'll try to come back later and see you. You just remember that Jack and I love you." She turned and quietly left the room, pausing only for a moment in the doorway to glance back at Hotch one last time before closing the door.

Rossi sat alone in the waiting area of the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. He had sent the others to the cafeteria, but as he wasn't hungry, he refused to join them. Sensing Rossi needed space to deal with what had happened to Hotch, they reluctantly left, promising to bring him something back. He was leaning forward with arms on his thighs, hands clenched between his knees with head hanging, thinking about the man he loved like a son. Trying to figure out how he could help his best friend. Rossi had been around for over sixty years, and had experienced many things, and how to deal with them. But not this. He secretly cursed himself as he realized that despite his lifetime of experience, he had no idea how to help his best friend. No idea how to help Hotch should the worse happen.

Rossi found a stain on one of the floor tiles and focused all his attention on it. How could this have happened? Why did it have to be Hotch? Rossi found himself grinding his lower jaw as his anger began to grow. He was angry and becoming more angry with each passing minute. But his anger was widespread. He was angry at himself for what he considered to be his failure to protect Hotch. He was angry at his failure to save Hotch before Armitage tortured him. But most of all, he found himself angry at God for allowing something so terrible to happen to a good man.

With a sigh, Rossi leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest. He looked up at the ceiling. "Hasn't Aaron suffered enough over the years?" he asked. "I mean, he's been wounded on this damn job time and time again, and he's always recovered fully each time. But this time he may not. How can you do this to him? How? What did I do that caused you to punish Aaron like this? Tell me what I can do so you'll heal him completely. He's a good man who doesn't deserve this." Letting out a deep breath, Rossi ran a hand over his salt and pepper hair. He then put both elbows on his thighs, and buried his face in his hands.

He was so absorbed in his guilt and anger, Rossi almost didn't feel a hand touch his shoulder. When he lifted his head, he looked around and his moist eyes met the face of Haley Hotchner, a weak smile on her face. Rossi gripped one of Haley's hands in both of his, and ran the pads of his thumbs over the back of it.

"How's Aaron?" he asked softly.

Haley shrugged as she placed her other hand on top of Rossi's. "He's alive and for that I'm grateful. But I really have no idea how he is. David, I'm scared. What if Aaron doesn't recover fully this time?"

Rossi swallowed the building lump in his throat and wrapped an arm around Haley's shoulders, pulling her close against him. She laid her head on his shoulder. "Hotch is tough and as stubborn as they come. He'll come back from this. He has to, Haley." He chewed his lower lip as it quivered and he blinked back the gathering moisture in his eyes.

Haley lifted her head to face the man beside her. Her eyes narrowed as she studied the older man's face. "David, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Rossi lied. He did not need Haley worrying about him. He didn't deserve her worry or concern since he was responsible for what happened to Hotch.

"I may not be a profiler like you and Aaron, David, but I can tell when somebody's lying to me. You are not fine and you know it. Now look at me. Please." Rossi slowly turned his head and faced the blond woman. "You're blaming yourself for what happened to Aaron, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes."

"Haley…"

"No. Don't try and deny it. It's all over your face."

Rossi let out a deep breath. "Haley, I am responsible for what happened to Aaron. I didn't protect him like I should have. I didn't find him before this bastard hurt him. He's like my own son besides being my best friend. I'm the reason he's lying in that bed right now instead of home with you and Jack. How can you even stand to look at me right now?"

With a small smile, Haley planted a kiss on Rossi's cheek and looked him in the eyes. "David, you did save Aaron. Because of you and the team he's alive."

"That's nice of you to say, but I failed him."

"No buts. I want you to listen to me, David. You didn't cause Aaron's injuries. As Aaron always tells me, the bad guys are responsible. Armitage is responsible, not you. Give yourself a break. It's thanks to you I still have my husband and Jack still has his daddy. And I'm sure if Aaron was conscious, he'd get after you to stop blaming yourself."

Rossi ran his hand up and down Haley's arm as he kept his arm around her shoulders. "You're right. I mean, my head says you're right. But in my heart, I still blame myself. I can't help it, Haley."

"David, go visit Aaron. Do it now. I think it'll do you good to see him even if he's in a coma."

Rossi looked at a blank space on the wall in front of him and chewed his lower lip. "I don't know if I should. I mean, the team went to the cafeteria, and if I'm not here when they come back they might suspect something's wrong." It was a lame excuse, but it was the best he could come up with on short notice.

Haley patted his knee. She suspected what David Rossi was doing and she wasn't going to let him get away with it. "I'll wait here for them and tell them where you went. Now go."

With a sigh, Rossi slowly got to his feet. He paused and looked at the blond. "You're not gonna let me off the hook are you?"

Haley smiled through her tears. "I can be just as stubborn as Aaron. Now go."

Rossi smiled. "Yes, ma'am." He turned and walked away in the direction of the elevator bank and pressed the up button. When an elevator opened its doors right away, he stepped inside with the doors closing behind him. He stuffed both hands in the pockets of his jeans and let out a deep breath.

Several minutes later, Rossi stood beside the bed in the ICU, hands stuffed inside the pockets of his jeans. He gazed down at his best friend with pain-filled eyes. The beeping of the heart monitor the only sound in an otherwise silent room.

"Aaron, I am so sorry," the older man said. He slowly sank down in the chair earlier occupied by Haley. He reached out a hand and gripped Hotch's right hand mindful of the IV needle. "Aaron, I need to apologize to you. I failed you. I should have protected you and I didn't." Rossi wiped at the tears staining his cheeks. "I let you down last time, but I promise I won't let you down again. You'll be able to count on me for whatever you need, no matter how long your recovery takes. I only hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for not finding you earlier."

Rossi reached out with his other hand and gently brushed aside several loose hairs from Hotch's forehead. He carefully studied his friend's injured and bruised face. He then licked his lips and tightened his grip on Hotch's hand. "You've always told the others that when good people are injured or killed, it's the fault of the bad guys. It's Armitage's fault you were injured, but it's my fault it happened to the extent it did. And nothing you say will change that. I screwed up by not getting to you sooner. I will never forgive myself for what happened, Aaron. Never." Rossi checked his watch, noticed he had been visiting a minute longer than the allotted time. He placed Hotch's hand back on the bed, then slowly got to his feet. He leaned over, and kissed Hotch on the forehead. After he straightened, he stroked his friend's hair once, turned, and walked out of the room.

Haley sat alone in the waiting area with her head bowed, both arms on her thighs, hands clasped between her knees. She was thinking about her husband and what she could do to help him. Aaron, I'll remind you every day if I have to of how much I love you. I will always love you totally and unconditionally. The sound of footsteps approaching made her look up to see Morgan, Reid, JJ, Garcia and Prentiss coming closer. She offered them a weak smile.

"How're you doing?" asked Morgan sitting down beside her. He handed her a Styrofoam cup. "I figured you might want a cup of coffee," he added with pursed lips.

"Thank you," Haley replied carefully removing the lid. She took a sip of the hot brew and let it burn her throat on the way down after she swallowed.

"Where's Rossi?" asked Reid.

"He's visiting Aaron," Haley explained. She sighed tiredly and looked at the others. "I suggested he go." She shook her head. "You guys need to talk with David. He needs your help."

"Why?" asked Garcia.

"He blames himself for what happened to Aaron. Thinks he should have protected him and found him sooner than he did."

"That's crazy," Reid said looking puzzled. "Rossi did everything he could to find Hotch before Armitage hurt him. We all did. He has no reason to feel guilty."

"I agree," Haley agreed. "But Dave doesn't agree with me. He believes he screwed up by not finding Aaron sooner. You need to be there for him as well as Aaron."

The others turned as the ding of an elevator was heard. They saw the doors hiss open, and David Rossi walk out, hands in pockets. His head was bowed and his face was grim. The older man noticed his team had returned from the cafeteria and he walked toward them.

"I need some air," was all Rossi said as he started walking past the group. But before he could leave, he was stopped by Garcia who put a hand against his chest.

"Sir, you didn't do anything wrong. You saved the boss-man's life. He's alive because of you."

Rossi smiled solemnly at the usually bubbly tech analyst. "Thanks, kitten. I'll be all right, but I really need to be alone right now." He continued past her but she grabbed his arm. Rossi looked at her again.

Garcia held out a paper bag to the older man. "I get it that you need a little time alone. I do. But sir, at least take this with you and eat it. We got you black coffee and a bagel with butter. Just the way you like it."

"Keep it. I'm not hungry, but thank you, Penelope." That said, the older man walked away leaving six very worried people watching his receding back as he continued down the hall.

Garcia turned and looked tearfully at Morgan hoping he would have an answer. She let herself be wrapped up in his strong arms. "Derek, we can't let my Italian Stallion blame himself for something that isn't true."

"I agree, baby girl, and we won't. But right now we just have to give Rossi his space. He'll come around eventually," Morgan said holding her close. He kissed the top of her head.

Prentiss and JJ sat on opposite sides of Haley. "How are you doing?" asked JJ, her blue eyes showing deep concern. "Really."

Haley shrugged. "Realistically? I have no idea how I feel. All I can think about right now is Aaron." She let out a deep breath.

Prentiss touched Haley's shoulder causing the blond to turn toward her. "We're all going to be here for both you and Hotch, so you won't have to go through this alone. We'll help in whatever way you need us to."

Haley smiled with moist eyes as she touched the hand of Prentiss which was still on her shoulder. "Thank you."

"What can we do for you right now?" JJ asked. Haley turned toward her.

"There's nothing…really. But thank you."

"There must be something," Prentiss remarked. "How about you go to the cafeteria and have some breakfast?"

"I really couldn't eat anything. Besides, I don't want to leave Aaron alone in case he needs me."

"Nothing's going to happen to Hotch. The doctors are doing everything they can for him," JJ replied. "He's going to be fine. But you need to take of yourself. It wouldn't do for you to become ill."

Before Haley could respond, Garcia appeared in front of her and grabbed one of her hands. "C'mon with me," she said pulling Haley to her feet. "We're going to the cafeteria."

"But it isn't necessary, Penelope."

"No buts," Garcia replied. "Don't make me hurt you. You need a break, and I need another cup of coffee. So let's go." She hurried down the hall pulling Haley behind her. In reality, Haley let herself be led away by the woman Aaron had always told her was a bright light in their dismal job. And she wasn't about to disappoint the woman.

The others smiled as they watched the two women walk away. Morgan chuckled as he looked at the paper bag Penelope had given him before she focused on Haley. He looked at the others.

"If anybody can take Haley's mind off of things even for a short while, it's baby girl."