Hi! Hello! I am truly, truly sorry everyone, but I am a miserable piece of shit. This is the first upload since February. And it is July! Last time, I promised you finished story till May and I didn't wrote since then. My reasons are stupid. I was lazy, then I had a bad and short realtionship and got completely bitter about any topic that related love for a long while. Then I had my leaving exams at school and entrance exmans to Uni and now, I FINALLY STARTED WRITING AGAIN. So, here you have a little longer chapter and I am already almost in half of another. I will really try to finish the all story till the end of August because then I am moving to Glasgow for Uni and I will have less time than ever before. But I don't promise you anything because again, I am a miserable piece of shit. But now, ENJOY and leave a review if you can :)

Let me know if there are some grammar or spelling mistakes.

I own nothing but my OC and plot.

XXI

Since Milla discovered she had magic in her, she started believing in all kinds of things. Stories, especially those scary ones that her mother used to tell her to make her behave and curses. She suddenly became aware of the effect of the right words, learned to use the right motions and think the right thoughts to do what she wanted. It was not as easy as she hoped. Milla learned magic all by herself, from books that were very hard to get, but mostly by pushing her limits. She wanted to know what she was capable of. She learned that the best results were gained while she was in a stressful situation or while she was affected by a strong emotion. Fear or anger were the two most used ones.

Milla believed her life was cursed for a long time. That she was cursed to lose everything she loved and enjoyed and she was destined to live in a world of constant dread and self pity. For years she was looking for a reason why she deserved it. Until one day, she decided to take her own destiny to her own hands.

And suddenly, she thought that maybe, just maybe, the curse was still upon her.

As the sun was rising, Milla sat on her bed and looked out of the window. The sky was incredibly red this morning and she almost laughed because of all the irony. The smell of blood was still following her everywhere, even though Emma made sure there was no trace of it anymore. She slept for about eighteen hours and still did not feel rested. Slowly she slip out of her yesterday's dress and went to have a quick shower. As she was passing the mirror, she stopped and looked at her naked body. It was not something she liked to do, especially not since s few visible scars decorated her stomach, collarbones and thighs. A few times Milla tried to get rid of them like she did with any other scar in her life, but there was a magic in the blade and that made every spell useless. So she decided to hide at least the ones on her collar bones with make up. That did not help much either. The only way was wearing it as armour, to show anyone who wanted to harm her that she can survive. She hated them wither way.

Her first steps from lead to Loki's room. The whole house was still quiet and Milla was glad for it. She was not in a mood for talking with anyone about any of her actions. Her mind was not yet made, and her heart had no idea how to feel about this all. She had a lot of time to think it through, but so little energy, that she put it aside for later. Now was the later. And a fear was rising in her chest as she was opening his door. Part of her wanted it all to be only a very bad dream, but she knew better. She was not relieved. Not happy. Not even angry as she thought she would be if he came back. Milla was just afraid of the uncertainty.

He was laying there, the same way he did for days before he woke up. So it was real. Painfully real. Milla walked closer. He was still pale, still looked ill and she frowned. Of course, she fell asleep with the thought that the worst was over, that he will not die, but now all she could was regret those words. Yes, he will recover, faster than anyone else, he was a God after all. But what then? Would he want to leave right away? Will it hurt her to see him walk away again, or will she ask him to? Will he tell her what happened? Will he laugh to her face and tell it was all just to get the book of secret passages? Will he want to stay? Will she want him to stay? It was all too complicated for her to have the right answer right away.

Loki was breathing heavily, the sign of pain even though he was asleep. His hair was longer and messier, he looked older with all new wrinkles around his eyes. He looked tense, like he expected to be woken up any second. She was thinking about what could cause such behaviour. As long as she remembered, he slept like that only a few first days after his first visit, only till he realised no harm was to come to him. And now he was too weak to sleep like that. She suddenly felt the urge to somehow make him relax again and she did not like it. But she refused to touch him so he would not wake up. She dreaded to see those green eyes again and to hear that voice. The one she was trying to forget all those months and failing.

Milla was afraid that if he talked to her, if she saw him smile or if he touched her, she would fall in love again.

The red sunrise gave her an idea. As soon as she closed the door behind her and her heartbeat calmed down, she went to her office and grabbed every single piece of drawing she did over the months. For a while, she thought it helped her with nightmares, that it helped to cope with them when they were somewhere else than in her head. It was bullshit. Those bad dreams never stopped and looking at all those papers only made her tremble while remembering some very dreadful ones. She was tired of it.

Milla rarely used magic until it was inevitable or necessary. It still weakened her, even after years and years of training. She never told that to anybody, there was always a chance an enemy could find it out and use it against her. Sometimes she was a little too paranoid. But this time, she was weak from all the stress and lack of rest in the las days so with a quiet "oh, what the hell," she sat comfortable on the terrace with a cup of tea in her hands and put papers on the table. One after another, she lifted them in the air without a single touch and watched black pictures slowly burn. Ashes were snowing into nowhere. It looked almost hypnotizing.

"Milla?" Emma's voice cut through the silence. "I thought you would be...oh my god what IS that?" she said shocked as she saw a burning ball floating in the air.

"Good morning love." Milla smiled at her for a second. "That is a little magic trick."

Emma stood behind her and was looking first at the fire and then on Milla. She was trying to find something different, strange, maybe red eyes from crying or a deep frown or her face, but she saw nothing. She looked like nothing important happened in a long time and she was bored. It confused her even more. "Milla, are you feeling all right?"

"No, of course not," she replied with a soft voice and smiled. "I don't know what I feel. But I know that I do not like those nightmares piling up on my desk and this looks pretty." She let another paper fly up and join the flame.

"Do you want to talk?" Emma tried it again, sitting next to her.

"There is nothing to talk about."

"You know, I can see that you are hurt and that you fear for him, but..."

"Emma, don't. I told you, I do not know what I feel and I do not want to think about it now," She finally looked at her friend's face. Emma was determined to talk to her about it all and a simple no wasn't an answer right now. Milla sighed. She needed a drink. "He came back, injured, but he will live. I did my duty, I saved his life. I don't know what will happen next."

Emma studied her for a while. "Will you take care of him?" she asked carefully. Hardly ever they talked about their feelings. It felt awkward, unnatural, while Emma was supposed to be the innocent, always happy girl and Milla the one that had everything under control. So Milla understood what Emma meant by that question. Do you still care for him?

"No. He will be safer in your hands." She shook her head and put a few more papers to the fire. It was now a lot bigger and Milla felt uncomfortable heat on her face. No, she had nothing under control now. "I might have hurt him if he says something wrong."

Her friend nodded and understood that was the end of that topic. Emma didn't want to push her, although she wished to. Milla didn't know Emma knew who Loki really was and she didn't know that he was the one that looked after her and saved her from certain death. Emma thought about the despair on his face as he brought her home, bloody and pale, just like he appeared a few days back. The same look of despair Milla had in her eyes as she was stopping his bleeding. She watched the same fear in two people and she could not believe Milla was only doing "her duty". And she could not be angry with Loki, not even after she watched her best friend heartbroken and after whatever horrible things he did on Midgard that caused him to come home half dead. He brought to this house so much more than he took and Emma hoped everything will sooner or later come back to normal. It had to.

"Leo asked about you at least a dozen times." Emma informed her quietly.

Milla nodded. She expected that. And "I will send someone to invite him for a dinner. I need to apologise for all that chaos."

"I already did."

"I know, but he wants to hear it from me. He will have questions. And I need an incredibly good story."

"I didn't tell him much. Only his name and that he is a friend. He didn't ask more."

"Of course not, he wants me to answer all he has to ask." Milla rubbed her eyes. She was too tired for Leo, but it had to be done. To make peace with him and ensure he will not look for Loki's identity elsewhere. She wished she wasn't so stupid and talked to him a lot sooner, best right after Loki was in his bed and there was nothing more to be done. She was so foolish.

"I'll send someone, don't worry about it. Would you like some breakfast?" Emma stood up.

"Yes, thank you. Thanks," Milla replied, not looking at her. She felt being treated like an ill person again. The same way she was treated when she was at her lowest those few days after Loki left. She hated it.

While preparing some eggs and bacon and some salad, Emma thought about Leo. He was a good man and Emma liked him around just like Milla did. She could not deny that Milla was happier while he was around and that gave him even more good points. He was easy to talk to, he was funny and clever and intelligent and obviously, he was interested in Milla more than just a friend. Emma knew Milla was aware of that fact, but she was overlooking it. She knew Milla still had trust issues even after all that time Loki was away, but Leo didn't. And Loki, oh god how those two loved each other once. It felt so long time ago, so many things changed. She didn't talk to Loki for long, he was too weak to concentrate and talk, but from the look on his face she understood very well that he still loved Milla. If she told her, Milla would not believe her. It was pointless. And it hurt Emma to see how they all were denying themselves things they loved. She didn't want to imagine what will happen when those two men meet. Any love triangle Emma had ever read made sense while she was thinking of those two men in love with her friend and her not being able to admit her feelings towards either one of them. And she thought that happened only in books.

When she came back, Milla was almost finished with burning her nightmares. Emma suspected the burning to be only a way to get out the anger or despair or whatever emotion she felt from her chest. It somehow made her fell good, destroying something. That was why she didn't say anything about it.

"Milla and there is one more thing," Emma said as she was putting the food in front of her.

"Yes?" Milla looked at her, interested.

"I'll tell you after we eat, I am starving." She smiled and took a spoon. After that she looked at Milla if she was doing the same. "Only if you don't mind, of course." It was a stupid idea to start with it before breakfast. Emma knew Milla would refuse to eat after what she was about to tell her.

"Yeah, all right, I am not going anywhere." Luckily, Milla answered just as Emma hoped.

Milla moved the burning paper away from them as they ate. She was already feeling weaker than before; the constant magic was taking all her energy, slowly. She didn't mind. A nap would repair that and if not, a dinner does not require a lot of energy. But it will take all of her self control. To talk about Loki like with no one before, because Leo will ask and she didn't want to make him angry with her because of the answers he won't be getting. Milla sighed and ate in silence. If only she could go back in time and make everything different. But then again, what would she do? Where would she go? To the times when she was young and still naive and made all different decisions before it all went back? Or would she only go back a few months and had Loki arrested the moment he stepped into her house? She could not decide which scenario would break her less. Bad decisions in her youth made her stronger and a lot richer, but bad decisions in not so distant past made her happy. For only a little while, but it was worth it, wasn't it?

"So, what was it?" Milla asked as she helped Emma clean the table.

"Well," Emma looked down like she was searching for words. "Milla, I talked to Johnatan and he agrees with me. With the recent change of events, we decided to...well...call off the wedding until everything gets better."

Milla looked at her like she didn't understand. "Because...because he came back? Emma, that changes nothing. He is not worth destroying your wedding day!" she was frowning and started to look angry. Emma was the one to sigh now.

"It changes a lot. I don't want to get married until everything is back to normal. I do not want to add to this chaos." The papers burning near them fell on the table and the fire died down. "Milla it is nothing really, neither of us mind, it is just a signed paper, nothing more." She was trying to calm Milla down although she was already standing looking away from her.

"Nothing. It was supposed to be a happy day, for all of us. But no," she raised her voice and took a few steps back to the house. "No, because that bastard has to come again and fuck everything up! Again!" She was shouting by the time Emma came after her to the living room. And before she could say something more, Milla was walking quickly up the stairs. No one said anything after that. Milla was pissed.

And Emma still thought this to turn surprisingly good for she slammed her door not his. She cared enough for that bastard to let him rest.

Emma took a deep breath and went to check the Asgardian in the house.

Milla looked in the mirror one last time. She wore a sleeveless dress with bare back in a colour of red wine with silver jewels decorating the collar. It was important that she looked extremely ravishing tonight. She tied her hair in a high pony tail to highlight her eyes framed in black and used red lipstick. Now she was ready to see Leo and answer whatever he needed answers to.

With heavy silver earrings in hands, she left her room and headed downstairs. After Milla calmed down in the morning, she sent a boy she saw in the street to deliver a letter to Leo. It asked him if he would find a time this evening to have a nice dinner with candles in her house. She waited on the stairs in front of the house until the boy ran back with a simple yes written on a piece of napkin. At once, she made sure a wonderful meal will be cooked and that they will not be disturbed under any circumstances. She was not letting that happen again.

Subconsciously, Milla looked at Loki's door while putting the earrings on. She heard Leo walking downstairs, almost in complete dark. And while Milla didn't want to be disturbed, she let everyone know they are not welcomed inside the house for the night, except Emma who was taking care of the injured God and Johnatan who was basically living there with Emma for last few months. With one single hand motion, most of the candles in the room lit up and Leo looked up to her. He smiled widely.

"A little theatrical don't you think?" he said in a low voice reaching out his hands to greet her with a kiss. She wiped the lipstick off his cheek and finally looked at him. He was wearing a formal soldier suit reminding Milla of a uniform but slightly different. It suited him perfectly and he looked so good navy blue.

"It is more fun when there's a mystery," she winked at him. "And by the way, you look very handsome. Formal wear looks great on you."

"As well as on you. You are absolutely beautiful Milla."

"Thank you. It was all for you." She smiled as she saw biting his lower lip in excitement.

"I won't lie Milla, the invitation surprised me." He said with a question in his eyes. She was willing to answer, but first, she would need some wine.

"Did it? At least I hope it was in a good way." His nodding made her laugh. "Good. Shall we?" she motioned to the table waiting on them on a terrace. Leo gladly offered her his arm and lead the way. Two glasses of red wine appeared as Leo sat down and he looked at her in confusion.

"Magic?"

"Yes. I hope you don't mind me using some of it for I don't want to be interrupted by anyone." With that, a candle between them lit up.

"No, it's all right. I just don't know what I should expect."

"Nothing serious. Only things appearing and moving without us moving a muscle."

"That has to be a comfortable life." He smirked and finally took his glass.

"Not really. I don't use my tricks if I don't have to. However," she lifted her glass. "I wanted you to know what little I can do aside from saving half dead people on my couch."

"Yes, that was interesting as well. How is he?" his voice sounded concerned and Milla was not sure if it was sincere or just polite. Maybe she was just paranoid, too concerned with how to explain Leo everything.

"As far as I know, he is alive." She replied without emotions. "But forget that now and enjoy dinner, okay?"

Thankfully, Leo understood that she was not ready to talk about this now and sipped the wine just as she did. For a short moment, they weren't saying anything as if they had no idea where to start. Milla listened to the rain, softly tapping on the wooden roof over their head. The noise was calming her down. Any other time, she would ask him to go for a walk, to lose themselves as they did on a party a few days ago. When she walked barefoot and he was dancing too fast to any kind of music. To be carefree and forget everything that went wrong as the sun came up.

To her surprise, Leo reached for her hand and looked at her with a smile on his face. She hoped it was sincere and he was not angry with her. She would not survive him being angry with her, the only amusement she had in a long, long time. "Are you all right? You look a little...lost in thoughts."

"Oh," Milla looked down at their hands. "No, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't know where to start. I had very, very hard few days and it is difficult to turn my mind off."

"That is why I am here, Milla." He leaned back and her hand was too cold again. "So let me start. I got robbed this morning."

"What?" the way he said it, with a smile and obvious lack of care, made her gasp and laugh at the same time. "Really?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I went to help my mother with painting the house and someone stole my money as well as my hat. I really liked that hat."

Milla was trying hard to look concerned and sad. She knew for a fact he hated hats. "You poor thing. How did they do it? And who did it"

"I don't know. There were some children running around, playing in the mud. They probably took an advantage of me while I was talking to a very cute girl selling flowers. I could not pay for flowers for my mother, can you believe those people?"

"Those sons of bitches. How dare they steal rich man's money!" she shook her head in disbelief.

"Are you mocking me my lady?" he was smirking though he tried to sound offended.

"Heavens no," she took her glass of vine and motioned to the plates with the other. Unexpectedly they got filled with food. Very tasty looking steak with grilled vegetables and cheese sauce. Leo looked at his plate, astonished and surprised as well. One day or another, he mentioned it was his favourite food and she remembered little things like that. "I would never do that. I am accusing those dirty poor children of taking what does not belong to them to help their parents pay rent do they don't have to ask for loans. And maybe they will have a delicious dinner once again. How rude are children these days." She added.

"Yes, exactly." He nodded. "Rude. I will tell them to ask next time so I could bring something more, like some new toys."

Milla smiled this time, not being sarcastic anymore. "Did they cause you any problem?"

"No. On my way home I went to ask them if they took the money and talked to one of their parents that they could take it and I ask nothing in return. I wish I could do more."

"You know, you are helping people in a different way than your father, but it is just as selfless and effective."

"Just like you are." He took a bite of meat. "And this is delicious."

"Thank you," she took a fork and tried the vegetables. It was really good and she made a mental note to thank the cook. "And I don't know if I help anymore. At least not as much as before."

"It doesn't matter. Milla, you are still a person to go to for an advice or when everything else fails and you do help. People know that. And then know you need your time out sometimes as well as any other person in this world. Don't be so hard on yourself." He was watching her. She looked a little sad as he was saying that, looking outside not at him. Like she was not proud of it. Her lips were parted as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. Leo waited.

"I am trying," she said finally, but when she looked back up, she was not as calm and cheerful as when they sat down. Her eyes were focusing on everything but him. "I really am, it's just...I've been through a lot these past few months and no matter how hard I try to cope with it, to have my shit together, sometimes I'm failing and it all just falls on me."

"All right. I noticed that. And I can help Milla, you just have to let me." He reached for her again and this time, her other hand covered his.

"I am not good in letting people in my life. They get hurt. Or I do."

"I will try anyway." He whispered.

She looked at him. He really liked her. Loved her maybe. There was no point in denying that. And she enjoyed his presence as well. So what was she still afraid off? "I am sorry Leo. For what happened after the party. I truly am sorry, I should have talked to you and explain whatever you want to know sooner."

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

"You should ask when you have questions, always, everywhere. It is your right. So go on." She smiled a little and leaned back. They forgot about the food. It was not about the dinner after all.

Leo was looking at her for some time while she was finishing her first glass of wine and filling the second. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Who is he?"

"Felix. A friend." She said quickly. Maybe too quickly.

"No, Milla. Who is he? To you?"

This time, she sighed. It was not as easy as she told herself it would be. "Do you remember the Asgardian I told you about some time ago?" She waited until Leo nodded. "It's him. That's why he was wearing those clothes. I guess he got back home."

"How did you two became friends?" He continued. Milla almost flinched at the word.

"He got banished from Asgard," she said slowly. Hopefully, she was not saying too much. "And went to seek help here. I gave him a place to stay for a while until he found out what he wanted to do next. And then one day, he was gone without a single goodbye."

"That's why you were calling him a bastard?"

"He broke my heart." There. She said it, out loud, for the first time. And she was looking to Leo's eyes with a cold stare. In fact, he did a lot more than that. He broke her spirit, let her feel how it is to hit a rock bottom again. And the worst part was that she let him do it all. Betrayal from him hurt like hell but she was able to stand up again an live again. It was painful it was exhausting, but necessary. "He hurt me. But I am not letting him do that again."

"Will you let him stay now?" Leo was patient and he was not showing anything he felt. Milla was grateful for that because she didn't want to see anger, jealousy and above all, pity.

"Until he recovers." She nodded.

"And then?" He was watching her intensely. She didn't look away.

"I don't know." She shook hear head, slowly.

"Do you still love him?" Leo asked almost in a whisper.

"Honestly, I don't know." She said again.

"And are you happy he came back?"

"No," she breathed. Milla hadn't thought about these emotions much, she just felt. And finding the right words to express her inside right now was hard. Saying them out laud was harder and it made it all real. "I am angry. And I am scared. He brought back chaos and I am not in a state to deal with this. I am not strong enough right now to see him, much less to talk to him." As she was talking, her voice was lower, her throat tighter and she felt tears burning in her eyes.

"Milla. Everything is all right. Look at me." He stood up from already cold meal and crouched next to her. She did as she was asked and felt embarrassed for him seeing her red eyed because of something childish like this.

"I am sorry Leo, I didn't want to be so fucking emotional tonight. It was supposed to be a nice dinner. Sorry," she mumbled while blinking tears away. She mastered that skill a long time ago. Only if her voice was still not betraying her.

"No, don't apologise. I should thank you for telling me all this, it is an honour to know your little secrets." He raised his hand and brushed her hair away from her face. "And now that it's all said, he get to enjoy the dinner. Or is there something more you want to tell me?"

Milla shook her head. With a little wave she heated the food again. "We should enjoy the rest of the evening."

"Yes." He leaned to her and kissed her on the cheek. "You smell nice." He said like nothing happened just seconds ago. Milla blushed and almost laughed at the same time. This was absurd.

"Thank you," she smiled again. That man was making her feel so special sometimes and making her forget what didn't let her sleep at night. Milla always felt better in his presence.

But never good enough.