Disclaimer: Same as day 1!
Day 3 - A song that reminds you of them
Halo by Beyoncé
Remember those walls I built?
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But, I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
Jackson Avery couldn't understand why exactly he was feeling so angry. It was a hard emotion to pin down for a 7 year old. He just knew, that despite all the coddling his mother has been trying to do, and all the yelling his granddad had done, he had an inexplicable need to act out.
And now here he was, at a doctor's office, where his mom said that his behavior at school meant he'd have to talk to this doctor and tell her what was wrong. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't sure what was wrong, so there was nothing to tell her. He hadn't meant to push Pete off the swing. He really hadn't. But Pete had been talking about how his dad was teaching him to play baseball and how they'd gone for ice cream after, and he hadn't stopped when Jackson had asked him to. So, he'd pushed him, and Pete had gotten a scrape on his forehead and he'd cried real hard. Jackson had felt terrible. It wasn't Pete's fault he was feeling awfully angry this whole month.
"Jackson, please stop being difficult. You're an Avery. You can't act out like this in public." Catherine told him, through gritted teeth, as she dragged him along a hallway leading to the doctor he was supposed to see.
He didn't care much at the time that he was an Avery, it didn't mean anything to him. He just knew he was having a particularly bad day and he needed to scream. A lot.
"Honey, please stop screaming." Catherine huffed, looking completely lost as to what to do with a screeching child who was kicking, arms flailing wildly as she carried him to the psychiatric ward to meet a child therapist, with as much grace as she could muster.
"I don't want to go! I don't want to go!" He bent his body, and let his feet hit the floor, attempting to pull his mother to screeching halt.
"Honey, you have to. The school isn't letting you back until the doctor says you're... fine." Catherine explains, in a hushed voice, both to soothe and avoid scandal.
"I am fine!" He says indignantly, even though he knows that feeling like you're fine means you want to play on the Nintendo instead of feeling like throwing it across the room.
"You're not, Jackson. And it's okay. You're da-"
He screamed as loud as he could, lungs puffed out, and the veins in his throat almost popping through the thin skin. She was going to say a name he didn't want to hear.
"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't bring him up. Just... please. Behave." Catherine tried to no avail, since Jackson was still belting out high pitch yells, and she had no option but to carry him into the room.
Maybe it was the stillness of the room itself, or the many faces that turned their way when they entered, but the moment they stepped into the room, Jackson went quiet. He looked around, observing the area with his eyes, unsure of what exactly this place was. It had bright coloured walls, and a play area a little off to the place where adults were all seated, flipping through magazines. His mother, finally looking relieved, was asked by a lady seated at a desk, to wait for some time before the doctor could see him.
She took Jackson's hand and led him into the play area, "Please, please, play nice."
He turned around, a scowl permanently etched on his face, as he walked forward, kicking all the toys that lay in his path as hard as he possibly could. There were 2 kids to the right, coloring and a little girl who was playing in the toy house all by herself. He chose a spot nearer to the door, sat cross legged, and took to the task of throwing any object in his vicinity as far as he possibly could. He did this for a while, happy with the rush he got every time a toy bounced so hard it almost broke.
"Hi."
He stopped, a toy truck in hand, wheels almost falling off from being thrown numerous times, and looked to his right.
"I'm April Kepner. But you can call me April. Do you want to be my husband?"
He blinked, completely taken aback by this bold little girl in front of him, who was holding out her hand towards him. Her red hair was pulled up by two pigtails, and she had on a pair of dungarees, a wide smile, and a pair of massive glasses, she kept pushing up her nose.
"Me and Lizzy are playing house," She clarifies, pointing to a battered down doll, "I'm her mommy, and so if we get married, you can be her daddy."
He turns red, and his hands ball up into fists. He didn't want to play house with this girl. She was annoying, and he hated her. Just like he hated everyone, especially his dad.
"I don't want to play a stupid game with you. Leave me alone!" He yells at her, and although most kids he knew, now flinched around him, April seemed to stay steady.
"It's not a stupid game." She insists, and smiles wider, "We have to go to work, and come home, and look after Lizzy. Like mommy's and daddy's do."
"It's a stupid game because not all daddy's do that!" He tells her, rolling his eyes. Some daddy's don't come back home.
"What do you mean?" She asks, putting her hands into her pockets.
"Nothing." He mumbles, because he doesn't talk about that day.
He doesn't talk about the day his daddy said he'd just be going to work, and he never came back after that. He doesn't talk about how Jackson had waited every day for a whole month, on the step outside his house, like he always does. Maybe he'd gone on a trip, Jackson had thought, he'll come back. He always goes on trips, but he always comes back. He'd waited, and waited, thought of all the stories he'd tell his dad when he came home, and all the games they'd play. He couldn't wait. He sat there, on that step, from the time he got home from school, all the way until the sun had set, waiting for his dad to just come home. He'd done that, until his mom had patted his head, and told him, in the same tone she used when his pet goldfish Frank had died, that dad wasn't coming back.
"Dads are dumb. I don't want to be a dad." He tells her, and she thinks this over for a second.
"Hm, then you can be the mom!" She tells him, gleefully, and Jackson feels like laughing for the first time in a while.
"I can't be the mom, stupid." He tells her, and instantly feels bad when she looks hurt.
"Hey! Don't call me stupid. I'm really smart. I read a lot, and know big words, like approximately."
Jackson nodded, quite impressed, and muttered an apology.
"It's okay," She smiles, "So do you want to be the mom?"
Jackson nods, hesitatingly. He doesn't want to play, but there was something about April he now decided that he quite liked.
"Okay." Because at least moms don't leave.
"Why do you hate dads?" She asks, and he purses his lips, before he relents.
"They leave you."
"No they don't." She argues, looking baffled.
"Mine did." Jackson shrugs, carefully picking up Lizzie from April.
"Oh." She says, and pouts for a moment, "Well then he's a bad daddy."
Jackson looks up at her, and feels angry for a second. He new he should probably defend his father, but even at 7 years old he knew it wasn't true.
"Yeah he is."
"Is that why you're so mad?" She asks him, and Jackson takes a while before he nods, "Well, that seems fair. I'd be so angry if my daddy left too."
He didn't know there would be anyone who'd think he was right to feel the way he did.
"Thanks."
She smiles at him, a toothy grin, and Jackson notices how she's missing a couple of teeth, but she was cute for a girl, even though rumour was they all had cooties.
"Hey Jackson," April says, as they get ready to go to work, and he feeds Lizzy with a tube they're pretending is a bottle, "I won't leave. I'm going to be the best daddy!"
He smiles, and something happens for the first time since his dad left. He doesn't feel so angry anymore.
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again
"Hey, April!"
His best friend, who was sitting cross legged on the floor, near the play area, looked up from her book, and waved him over. She was wearing a sweater with a long skirt, and had apparently broken her glasses from the looks of it, since it was being held together by a white plaster of some sort.
April and him had been friends ever since they'd met when they were seven years old, right here, in the waiting room of Mass Gen's psych ward. Now they were both 14, and they still came here every Friday. She made these appointments his mother forced him to go, more bearable.
When he reaches her, she scoots over to make space for him, as he takes a seat, pushing his legs in front of him.
"What are you reading?" He asks, peaking at the words in her books, which were far too small for his liking.
"Ulysses by James Joyce. It's the Latinised name of the hero, Odysseus in Homer's poem Odyssey. It's really interesting because throughout the novel you see parallels of the poem and the novel, like the characters structural experiences and the thematic exploration of modernism-"
He chuckles quietly to himself, as April basically narrates a book report right in front of him. She was a bit of nerd, and he said that with pride. His best friend was one of the smartest people he knew. Heck, that's why she was here in the first place. As a kid, April had never paid attention in class, and her teachers had found her difficult to teach since she doesn't seem to be interested in her lessons. Her parents had gotten worried and brought her here, just to make sure April didn't have any learning difficulties. Turns out, it was quite the opposite. She wasn't challenged enough, because she was too smart for the grade she was in. So, she'd gotten bumped up a few grades, and was now a high school student at 14.
"Sounds boring." He teases, and pushes her with his elbow.
"Shut up! It's really good. It's just-" She bites her lip, and hesitates.
"Unnecessarily overcomplicated and a tiny bit over hyped?" He guesses, and she shyly chuckles before agreeing.
"Yeah. It is. But it's still good though." She says, and closes the book before placing it back into her bag pack.
"Says you, nerd."
She pushes him away, and rolls her eyes,
"How was school?"
"Same old, same old. Nothing exciting," He shrugs, trying to act as nonchalant as possible.
April stares at him, eyes narrowed and he can tell that she knows he's bluffing.
"I know when you're lying! What happened?"
He waits a second, letting her grow slightly impatient as she whines for him to stop being an asshole, and just tell her. He gives in, smirking fully, as he deposits his report card on her lap. She opens it up, and begins to squeal so loud she gets hushed by Nurse Ria.
"Sorry," She mutters to Ria, as she throws her hands over his shoulders, hugging him tightly, "I told you, you could do it"
He grins at her, and nods his head, "You did. Thank you for tutoring me… and you know, for believing in me and stuff."
He's awkward with these kind of talks, but he really wants her to know how much he appreciates her friendship. His family never really cared to push him. His mom excused pretty much anything he did because of his dad, and his grandfather didn't see any potential in him, which he never once failed to remind him. Jackson was just a sad, pretty face and he knew that nothing was expected of him. Well, by his family at least. April, on the other hand, had spent the last couple of months, tutoring him and pushing him trying to prove to him that if he worked hard, he could be really smart. He'd been unwilling at first, but the more time went on, Jackson had realized that he wasn't failing because he wasn't smart, but because no one cared enough to tell him otherwise. Except for April. So when he'd received his report with all A's, he knew there was just one person he wanted to show it to.
"I am so proud of you." She smiles at him, her eyes beaming and her tone so genuine. His stomach did that weird flip it did whenever she looked at him like that. He wasn't sure why.
"So what's up with you?" He asks her, as she hands him his report back.
She opens her mouth as if to say something, and then shakes her head, faking a smile, "Nothing."
"You know, I can read you too, right?" He asks, and she drops her smile, instead choosing to pout, "April, come on, tell me. Did someone do something? Did they say something?"
"They always do that." She shrugs, as if she's used to it, even though she really shouldn't have to be. April had never had an easy time fitting in. She was smart, imaginative and a little strange, and even though those were all his favorite things about her, it also meant that she was an easy target for bullies. It also didn't help that her classmates were all almost 4 or 5 years older than her. It was another reason why she still came here.
"Hey, come on. Tell me."
She takes a deep breath and turns to him, "It's so stupid, I shouldn't even be upset."
He raises his brows at her, and clears his throat, putting on his best impression of their psychiatrist, , "Your emotions are always valid. You have a right to be upset about even the smallest, most inconsequential of things."
April laughs, but it feels too forced, and it makes him want to punch whoever hurt her.
"We have senior prom coming up, and I didn't even want to go. You know I don't like parties," She tells him, and he nods, "Anyway, Jake, this guy in my biology class, asked me to go with him, and he's… cute and kind of smart, so I said yes."
Jackson unconsciously clenches his fist. He already didn't like where this story was going.
"So, it turns out, it was all going to be a prank. He wasn't going to turn up on that day. I overheard them when I went back after class to get this book I'd left behind."
She wipes her eyes, and he watches a stray tear roll down her cheeks. What a dick, he thinks. What kind of a horrible, disgusting, pathetic human being has to make someone feel like this so that they can feel better about themselves? April didn't deserve this. Heck, no person deserved this.
"What a fucker." He mumbles, and April look shocked at how cold he sounds.
"Jackson, don't curse." She mutters back, as she quickly shoots a glance around the room.
"Do you want me to beat him up?" He asks, all serious, because even though he was younger than this guy, Jackson was quite built for his age, so he could probably take him out. He would, for her.
"Don't be ridiculous. If you do anything stupid like that I will go straight to your mother, okay?"
"Whatever." He mutters, but he knew she wasn't joking about that.
"April Kepner." Nurse Ria, points at the door, indicating to April that she could go in.
"We're still on for tomorrow, right?" She asks, standing up, and patting her skirt down. They had movie night every Saturday at his place.
"Yeah," He says, but there's something else he's itching to ask her.
"April?"
"Hm?"
He gulps, wondering when he'd gotten so nervous, "Do you… do you maybe want to go to prom with me?"
She looks confused for a while, and a little astounded at his question.
"You mean your junior prom?"
He nods.
"Yeah. All our friends will be there. Alex, Cristina, Lexie and Mark."
She smiles, "I do miss the gang."
"So, you… want to go?"
She looks at him, and blushes, tugging on her bag.
"April, go in!" Nurse Ria ushers her, clearly impatient.
She looks over her shoulder, and turns back to him.
"Okay."
He grins, almost breaking his jaw.
"Okay."
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out
It had been 2 weeks of hell for Jackson. He sat in the car, head on the steering wheel, thinking about how he wasn't at all ready to go have a therapy session where he'd undoubtedly have to bring up the events of the past 2 weeks.
God, did he regret it. He regretted it every single day since it happened. He could barely sleep or concentrate on his classes, he was disengaged from his friends and he didn't really give a shit that he'd been an angry, intolerable douche as his mother loved to remind him.
He groaned, realizing he was just delaying the inevitable, and got down from his car. He walked towards the hospital, and caught his reflection on the mirror. He hadn't shaved in a while, and he looked like he felt on the inside, absolutely shitty.
"Hi, Jackson. You're early this week."
He manages a smile at the receptionist, and nods his head, "Yeah, I, uh, got caught up in a class last week."
No he hadn't. He'd come here, sat in his car in the parking lot and waited until he'd seen April leave the hospital, to get down and leave for his appointment. It had only been a week, and it was too fresh.
"Alright, well, you'll go in after April." She winks at him, and he lowers his head in shame. Of course, everyone here still thought they were together.
He doesn't say anything, instead nods a goodbye and walks towards the room. He slowly opens the door, and heads inside, while some faces look up to see who had entered. He smiles at Jake, a 32 year old with severe social anxiety. They never talked, but sometimes Jackson would play video games in the waiting room with him, until April was done.
April. There she was, tucked into a corner, seemingly reading through some notes from class. She looked amazing, he thought. She was wearing a pale blue skater dress, with sandals, and her red hair was piled at the top of her head in a messy bun. April was, as always, effortless.
He hesitates for a slight second, wonders if he should maybe stay outside the waiting area for some more time, but honestly it would make him more of a coward than he already was.
He walks up to her, and she senses his presence, tearing her eyes from her notes to glance up at him. She looks up at him, and her face is conflicted with a mixture of emotions. She looks sad, angry and resigned. The worst thing is through it all he sees what he saw that night, when she told him she loved him, and he had gotten too scared to say it back.
"Can I sit here?" Jackson asks, softly, pointing to the two chairs in the corner.
She nods, and looks away from him, as he sits down, throwing his bag on the other chair.
They sit in silence for a while, before he decides he needs to say something, because damn it, he misses her.
"How are you?" He asks and she turns to face him. It breaks his heart once more when he sees the bags under her eyes and the pale skin, and red eyes. He did this to her.
She frowns, clearly annoyed by his question, and even he has to admit it was a dumb one.
"I'm sorry, that was a really stupid question." He laughs, humorlessly.
He knows he's really fucked up when she doesn't even reply. Heck, he knew he really fucked up the moment she'd stormed out of his room, crying her eyes out 2 weeks ago. They'd tip toed around each other for the majority of their teenage years, after they'd gone to junior prom and lost their virginity to each other. When they'd gone to college he'd finally grown the balls to ask her out, and when they'd started dating, Jackson had thought they'd finally figured it out.
"April, I-I really am so sorry. I don't want to hurt you. God, April, that's the last thing I want to do." He tells her with a melancholic smile on his lips, "I regret it, so damn much, but... I don't know, it's for the best? Trust me, it's is. You don't... you don't want to love me."
She sighs, and shakes her head, letting her hair fall over her face. He knows she does this when she's mad at him and wants to block him out, but it's an indication she's listening so he goes on.
"Do you hate me? Please don't hate me." He whispers.
"I don't hate you."
She tells him, rolling her eyes, finally coming out of the hair veil she had going on.
"Yeah?"
"Of course I don't hate you, Jackson! That's the whole problem! The problem is I love you so much that it almost feels unhealthy." She groans, burying her face in her hands.
"April-"
"No!" She yells, a little too loud, and her face flushes having remembered that they're in public. She settles on a stern, hushed tone, "You don't get to do this, Jackson. You don't get to break me, and then come here and say you're sorry, and act like regretting it will make everything alright again. It doesn't work like that!"
"I didn't think that. I swear I didn't. I just wanted to explain-"
"Explain what? That you don't love me back? Don't worry, message received. Loud and clear. Just... please leave me alone, Jackson. Go back to avoiding me like you've been doing these last 2 weeks. Go back to acting like we never happened."
Yes, he had avoided her. He'd intentionally avoided places she visits, and kept to his campus. She goes to Yale, and he goes to Harvard, something he'd for once be grateful for. He just couldn't bear seeing her, and be reminded of the choice he'd made.
"Okay, you're right. I avoided you. I'm sorry. I should've handled that better."
"You don't say." She replies, sarcastically.
"But don't... don't say I don't- that I don't-" His words fail him, like they did that day, when he needs it the most.
He waits for a second, gathers his thoughts. He had to make a decision, because one thing was for sure. He did love her. It was that overwhelming realization that had led to them breaking up in the first place. He loved her, but he had no idea what love was. He wouldn't ever try to love April without knowing exactly how to love her right. But, he also needed her in his life. Selfish or selfless? Maybe he was too young to make the right choice. Either way, she needed to know why.
"I have never felt like this. I've never felt so overwhelmed by something, by someone, like I do with you. April, everything I feel for you, overwhelms me. And it's scary. It's terrifying, because I know I'm just going to end up failing you."
He admits, and looks up at her staring back at him, completely shocked. She'd definitely not guessed that, he could tell. God knows what conclusions she'd come to, with all her insecurities and anxieties.
"What? No you won't." She says, as if the mere thought was ridiculous.
"I will, April! I will! I don't know how to love someone. I'll screw it up and I'll hurt you, more than I already have, and you'll hate me. I can't have you hating me." He'd give her up, if it was for her best. Selfless, it is then.
"No, no, you won't. I know you won't." She insists.
"April-"
"No! You listen here. You are not your father. You are not Robert. You're Jackson. You are a completely different person. I know he screwed you up, Jackson, I know that. But are you really going to let him screw everything up for the rest of your life? Don't give him that kind of power!" She pokes him in the chest, once, twice, to prove her point.
She takes in a deep breath, and calms herself, considering her outburst had gotten her riled up.
"I'm not saying you have to love me-"
"I do."
She smiles at him, a warmth reaching her eyes that had only minutes ago looked dead. How could he not love her when she knew him better than anyone else?
"Yeah?" She asks, and he nods.
"You're just scared to say it out loud?"
He nods, again.
"Well then you should've just told me that, doofus!"
He pushes him back, and he lets himself have a laugh for the first time since he'd called them off, since he'd decided that he wasn't someone who deserved April.
She places both her hands in his face.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I know you think you're unlovable, Jackson, because you think he couldn't love you but that's not true. I love you. I love you so much. I-"
She was the ultimate risk. The blind jumping into a bottomless pit. But God, was she worth all the damage it could do.
"Love you. I love you."
She kisses him then, and he can almost feel the older man next to him rolling his eyes at their public display of affection. She pulls back, studies him, and kisses him once more.
"You are not him."
He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't deny it either.
April brings an arm to his shoulder and lightly pulls his body towards her. She brings her mouth towards his ear, and gently bites on the lobe.
"Want to skip today?" She murmurs, and like the 20 year old, hormonal boy he is, he can feel himself embarrassingly react to just her words, "Maybe, some makeup sex? I hear it's really good."
He smirks, and surreptitiously puts his hand under her dress, snapping the elastic of her underwear.
"Well, let's go find out."
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby, I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby, I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
"Mom, remember that Samuel tends to walk around a lot, so keep an eye on him even if you put him in the play pen, and Harriet will fuss for April at bedtime so just play that recording I sent to your phone, and she'll calm down."
Jackson tells his mother, as he walks paces the hallway outside of the now very familiar waiting room, although he comes here less often over the years and it looks very different than it did when he first came here. He listens to his mother rattle on about how she's perfectly aware and capable of handling her own grandchildren, and that he should stop worrying about this, and worry about something that actually required his attention, like his marriage. It was, after all, the reason why he was back here, after almost 5 years.
He cuts the line, after telling her to stay out of his business, and goes back inside to rejoin his wife. He walks up to her, and sees her attempting to sit down on the chair, with an 8 month pregnant belly, which he knew now, after 2 other babies, was no easy feat.
"Hey, hey, let me help."
She stares daggers at him, but nonetheless takes his hand, and lets him sit her down. She doesn't thank him these days. She's not very amicable towards him at all these days, and honestly, he doesn't blame her. He's been a little impossible to like as of lately.
"How's the baby?" He asks, placing a hand on her belly.
"Kicking on my bladder, doing cartwheels around my belly and craving raisin pudding. I hate raisin pudding. Basically, making my life as difficult as possible. That's how I'm sure it's your child." She gives him a withering look, as she uncomfortably adjusts herself on the chair.
He shakes his head, used to the jabs she takes at him nowadays, "Is that why you're sure? Not because you recall that vacation in Cancun when you wanted me so bad, you refused to let me get up and go get a condom?"
She widens her eyes, and as she used to do even back then, when he'd said or done something inappropriate in this waiting room, quickly scans the crowd to see if they're listening. Once she realizes they aren't, she turns back to him.
"I'm not in the mood to joke with you, Jackson. If you're feeling particularly talkative today, please feel free to instead talk to our therapist about-"
"There is nothing to talk about, April. God, we're just wasting our time here."
She scoffs at him, "It's nice to see that you think saving our marriage is a waste of your time."
"That's not fair! You know that's not what I-"
"Doctors Avery, if you could maybe try to resolve your issues in my office and not the waiting room, that would be great. I can assure you I'm more qualified of an audience than Lilly over here."
Rashida, their counselor, points to the 5 year old little girl who sees enamored by their hushed argument.
April flushes a bright red, and gets up with his help, to follow Rashida into her office. They sit down, and the tension settles back in.
"Alright, did we do our homework for this week?" Rashida asks, staring earnestly at them.
"Yes." April nods, albeit too enthusiastically, and he smirks at how his genius of a wife never stopped being the cute nerd who taught him the word 'approximately'.
"Okay, then, April would you like to tell me what you've written down. Now remember Jackson, this is a list of all the things you did that affected April negatively. I don't want you interrupting until she's done." He warns her, because he had a tendency to be quite defensive.
"Okay, so he's been more and more distant lately-"
"Oh come on!" He groans, and immediately looks bashful since it had only been a second since he'd been told not to interrupt and he was already doing it, "Sorry."
"So he's been distant. He keeps trying to distract me with sex, and honestly, I'm over that. And last week, he yelled at me because I asked him if he wanted my help giving Harriet a bath. It's like he thinks I'm questioning him as a parent, and-"
He sighs, as April lists off all his recent failures as a husband. He hates that she feels so disappointed. It was not at all his intention, to ever hurt her or make her feel like they're marriage wasn't strong enough. When they've gotten married, he'd made her promise him that divorce would never be an option for them. So last month when she'd given him the 'therapy or else' ultimatum, he knew she didn't mean a divorce, but that the word would become an option for her.
"I just want him to open up to me. I just want him to stop telling me nothing is wrong-"
"Nothing is wrong, April. I am fine, I keep telling you this, but you're not listening to me. You're reading into nothing." He groans, running a hand over his face.
"That's not true. I've known you since I was 7 years old, Jackson! I've been your best friend for almost 28 years, we've been married for over 10 years. I know you! I know when you're upset." She insists.
"April, I love you. I love our kids. My life revolves around the three of you. I live for the three of you. Is that not enough?"
"Of course I know you love me, Jackson, that's not the problem. I love you too, so much. I just don't think my husband should go through something that is making him into someone I don't recognize because of it."
"Did you know was my father?"
They break their gazes away from each other to look at Rashida.
"Really?"April asks, sounding pleasantly surprised.
"Small world." He comments.
Rashida smiles warmly, "Did you know you were his favorite patients? He used to talk about the two of you at home. Of course, he never said any names, but after reading your files, I figured out it out. He thought it was crazy romantic that you two met here, at seven, and ended up dating. He loved that you two asked him to come to your wedding. It's sad he passed away before it happened."
"It broke our hearts." April admitted, and he did remember how sad she was that he couldn't be there. They hadn't even been able to make it to the funeral.
"Did you know that you two talked about each other at every single one of your sessions?" She asks, and they both nod, knowingly but surprised that the other also did the same, "It's sweet. Aprils talked about how she finally found someone that seemed to truly like her, and Jackson talked about how he'd found someone he could maybe picture himself having a family with. You found healing, not only within yourselves, but also within each other. I just… urge you not to forget about your incredible history. Remember this when you're confused about Jackson's feelings or when April seems to read into yours a little too much, just don't forget-"
"I found my dad."
The silence that set in the room was so loud, Jackson wished someone would say something. April looked so shocked, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. She gasps, as she brings a hand up to her mouth.
"You….uh…. dad… um, what?" She stutters, eyes rapidly blinking, trying to decipher this information.
"I found him. I hired this guy to look into him, and he finally found him. He lives in Montana. He owns a bar and he sells chicory coffee on Etsy. It's really fucking weird."
"Oh, honey."
April scoots closer to him, taking hold of his hand, and hugging it to her chest.
"Why didn't you tell me this? Gosh, Jackson, I can't believe you dealt with all that by yourself."
"Yeah, well, I didn't want to worry you. I know how you get with my dad, April. You feel bad, and you think talking to him is going to solve it, and I don't know what I even want to do with this information. I'm torn between wanting to talk to him, and punching his lights out, or both," He admits, and then looks sheepishly at April. He knew she didn't like any kind of violent talk, "Sorry."
"Don't be. I'd like to punch him myself, to be honest." She says, and he smiles at her.
"Look, Jackson, it's definitely up to you, but from what I read in your files, you always talk about closure. Maybe this is the closure you've always wanted." Rashida says, and he shrugs. He's torn between that and never wanting to see him again.
"I just want you to tell me when you're going through something this big. I'm your wife, Jackson. You don't have to deal with this alone." April tells him, running a hand through his hair, "I will come with you, if you decide to go. I will be there for whatever you need. I am your wife. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."
If Jackson was to look at his life through a series of snapshots, the one person who would always be there was April. When his father had left, all those years ago, there had been a hole in his life, he'd never thought he could fill, but as fate would have it, he met April. April his friend, April his best friend, April his girlfriend, and April his wife. They'd all filled up that gaping hole, bit by bit, piece by piece until there were only faint scars of what had happened.
"Thank you." He says, as he leans forward and kisses her.
If there was a thing as a guardian angel, well he'd found his at seven, and he had held on for dear life.
Baby, I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
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