Disclaimer: same as Day 1!

Note: Admittedly, this isn't my favorite episode, that would be 10x12/10x13, 11x11, JTM and JTS, but those episodes already have so many fics written about them, and I didn't want to write the same thing. I do, however, even with the sad ending, love this episode because that 'proposal' was one of the most wonderful japril moments. Anyway, please enjoy :)

Day 4 - Favorite episode(s)

9x07: I was made for lovin' you

Positive.

April hopes that maybe staring harder at the paper, to the point where her vision becomes blurry, will mean that when she refocuses her eyes back on the black letters, they would have magically transformed into a different word.

Positive.

Oh well. It wasn't that she wasn't happy. She was. April was, after all, the type of girl who grew up longing for the husband, children, white picket fence house daydream. The catch was that she'd imagined this with her Christian boyfriend, whom she had dated for a respectable number of years, before they'd have their wedding in field with butterflies, after which she'd engage in the wonders of the sexual experience she was abstaining from.

Positive.

Life, however, had different plans, it seems. She was now sitting on a cold wooden bench, outside her disaster magnet of a work place, holding a piece of paper that confirmed that she was in fact pregnant by her not-Christian, male friend whom she engages in daily sexual activities with, way, way before marriage. At least, the field and butterflies were still on the table. Life had great priorities.

Positive.

She wasn't sad it was his baby. No, that part actually made her want to throw her hands in the air, and thank God, although mildly inappropriate at the moment, that she got a chance to procreate with the most wonderful man she knew. He was not only a beautiful specimen of creation, but also a kind hearted, intelligent, incredible human, who happened to be her best friend and occasional... 'other kind of buddy' as Mark Sloan, rest his soul, would've termed it.

Positive.

It's the timing that was all messed up. They were just having fun, messing about, rolling around in the metaphorical hay, although there were talks of feelings and marriages, although she wasn't too sure if the marriage came about from those feelings or not. Regardless, there were two best friends with benefits and a baby, and this whole thing was so much more messed up than it appeared to be.

Positive.

"What does it say?"

She turns her body to face him, the contributor to half of the cause of panic, Jackson. He smiles at her, and if she wasn't his best friend, she probably would say he looked very calm for someone who was about to find out they were going to be a father. But she knew him, and she knew that under the cool exterior was a scared, uncertain man who was quite ready to scream into a brown paper bag.

"Positive."

"Oh."

Ah, the happy cries of expecting parents. She watches him glance at his hands, nervously wringing them together. She feels for the guy. This definitely wasn't in his plans, no matter how ready he thinks he is for this. She wasn't even sure if marriage was in Jackson's plans to begin with. He never talked about it with her, and she never asked. He did seem deliriously happy when he'd talked about raising this kid together, but the reality of having a child is a lot more grounding than the possibility of it.

"Look, Jackson. I know we talked about getting married and all of that, but-"

"You don't want to?"

She could be sourly mistaken here, and merely projecting her own desires on to him, but Jackson sounded, almost sad, at the thought that she didn't want to get married. Either way, it could just be about giving the baby a good, happy home. One less child with daddy issues.

"I do! I do," Does she? She does. She's just scared about the baby and she's scared he's marrying her for the wrong reasons. She's just scared, period. But she does, "I just don't want you to think that we can't raise this baby without necessarily having to get married. Callie and-"

She stops midsentence. Okay, so maybe using Jackson's ex mentor and his bisexual, married best friend wasn't exactly the best example in this situation.

"No, I want to get married, April. I wasn't kidding when I said I was all in. I want to do this right. For you and for the... baby." He gulps at the word and even she has to admit it sounds terrifying out loud. A baby. A human being. She proved incapable for taking care of her own adult self, and now she was partially responsible for the life of another human being, "I want him, or her, to have a family, and I think it'll be easier for you to tell your parents if you're married, and I mean, I..."

He looks away from her all of a sudden, and she's a little confused why he stopped mid-sentence. She groans internally. He was doing this for the baby and, sweetly enough, for her. But she didn't want him to marry her because it was his responsibility to. Was it so wrong to want to be married for love?

"We can do this, April. Okay? I know it's scary, but... we can do this." He smiles at her, and she nods at him, hoping his slight uproar of confidence rubs off on her.

"Come on," He says, getting up and holding his arm out to her. She takes it, and he pulls her to her feet, "I am going to go book an OB appointment, and you are going to go get your stuff. We'll drop by your apartment to get some clothes, and go to my place. Okay? We can get some dinner-"

"And talk?"

He stares at her pointedly for a second, probably wondering if she'd blow a nerve before she makes it to the changing rooms.

"Yes, we can talk."

She nods again, and goes to walk off, when he stops her and pulls her into him. She settles against his chest, and holds him as tight as she possibly can, making sure not to cut his airway. It wouldn't do well to murder him from her anxiety.

"We'll be fine, April. I know you don't believe that right now, but trust me, okay? We'll be fine."

She mutters acquiescence into his jacket, and loosens her hold on him. They'll be fine. They were going to be fine. All three of them, will be fine. April wondered if she said the word 'fine' out loud enough times, she'll actually start to feel it.

He leads her into the apartment and closes the door behind her. She's been here yesterday, but somehow the whole place feels more different, more permanent. This was her home now. They'll eventually sell her apartment, because compared to Jackson's God knows how much rent he pays for the view alone Condo, hers is like a rabbit hole. She didn't mind the switch too much though. His place was nice, impeccably designed, and the only thing it lacked were throw pillows. Well, throw pillows and art that wasn't a big brown shoe. She never understood that painting. Maybe it held a deeper meaning, who knows?

She carelessly drops her jacket and overnight bag on the sofa, and although she's usually neurotic about stuff like that, today her mind was too preoccupied to care.

"What do you want me to make for dinner?" Jackson asks, walking behind the island of the kitchen.

"You're cooking?" She sounds suspicious, and with good reason. The last time Jackson had attempted to cook, she and Alex had ended up with food poisoning.

"I've gotten better, I swear!" He laughs, possibly recalling the unfortunate incident.

"Mm, let's just order pizza, you know, considering..." She lets her sentence drift off, and stares down at her stomach. She was trying to save their child at least 9 months from their daddy's cooking.

"Good point." He admits, and quickly puts back the ingredients to a mac and cheese he was trying to use cream cheese to make.

He begrudgingly lists her order of a mushroom pizza, which he always vetoes on ordering because 'the taste still lingers even if you take it off'.

"So, can we talk now?"

He nods, and walks up to her, placing a glass of water in front of her with a slice of lemon cut up, "You need to stay hydrated. I read during medical college that-"

"Nope, you are not helicopter parenting me." She says, shaking her head, although she's begun to sip the water.

"I don't think that's what that term means, but fine, I promise not to be overly protective, but I will be a little bit, all up in your space, because... I don't know, you're..." He shrugs, and doesn't complete the sentence, and she's tired of him doing that.

"Okay, so, first thing's first, we need to tell our parents." Her voice is shaky when she says this, because it's the last thing she wants to do.

He scratches his neck, and furrows his brow, "Do we have to?"

"Jackson, if your mother finds out about our... baby, when she comes to the hospital, she might have to stick around longer to reattach your pe-"

"Okay! Telling my mother, as soon as possible." He says, holding his hands up, waving a white flag.

"I'll tell mine as well... soon." She chews diligently on her bottom lip, and doesn't stop until Jackson pulls it away from her teeth because she could draw blood.

"They're going to freak out about the whole baby out of wedlock thing, huh?"

"Yeah," She admits, because her parents are very very conservative and very very Christian.

"How strong is the whole policy in the Bible about not killing someone?" He teases her, but she can tell he actually wants to make sure there's no way Jo Kepner would walk outside the house with his shotgun he keeps locked up in the shed to scare away wild boars, and walk determinedly towards Jackson.

"Sixth commandment."

"Oh thank God."

She laughs at that, and he joins her, and although it's careful, and sounds slightly forced, it releases some of the obvious tension.

"Are we going to live here?"

"For now."

She widens her eyes, but doesn't ask anything more in regards to that. For now meant plans to move, to a bigger house perhaps? Why would you need a bigger house unless you were planning on expanding your family? Maybe she should worry about the one baby she's having now, before theorizing about more.

"Is there space?"

"I'll just pull down the man cave thing I have going on, and put up a nursery."

"No, Jackson, that's your space, I'll feel terrible."

"April, please stop acting like you and our child is a burden to me. You're not. Neither of you are. I want to do this. I want to raise this baby, with you. So, please, just no more of making me sound like this guy who just happened to take you two on out of sympathy. I'm his dad."

She smiles at him, and is mildly more comforted by his words.

"Or hers." She says, grinning at him.

"Or hers." He agrees.

There's a beat, and she comes to realize that this baby is going to change their lives forever.

"April?"

"Hm?"

"Can we name the baby Jackson Jr?"

She spits out her water, and stares at him. He's not serious. Is he?

"No we can't."

"Why not?"

She runs a hand over her face and groans at his very serious name consideration.

"Because... it's a bad name. Nobody wants to be junior. Junior is a lazy name."

He rolls his eyes, and crosses his arms in front of his body, "It's a great name."

She ignores him, "Plus, what do we name the baby if it's a girl?"

"April Jr"

"Jackson!"

They laugh, and for the first time that night, it doesn't feel forced.

"Um, I have the guest room ready for you if you want to go get some sleep."

She comes out of the bathroom, fresh from the bath he'd run her. April had always known Jackson was very caring, it had been in his nature even when they were just friends. It made her heart flutter, as disturbing of an image as that was, and left a pit in her stomach that kept reminding her something she didn't want to think about right now. She really really liked him. A lot.

"Thank you." She smiles, and makes her towards the bedroom to get changed. She closes the door behind him, and is slightly confused why he doesn't seem to be making any efforts of moving.

April lets her towel drop, and for a second catches her reflection on the closet mirror. Her body looks exactly the same as it did yesterday. She was probably only a month or 2 pregnant, so there were obviously no visible signs of a pregnancy. She runs her fingers carefully down the skin of her stomach, smiling at the possibility of a baby bump yet to come. She was scared still, nothing about the future was clear to April since her boards, and that was hard for someone who had spent planning every minute of their lives. She felt like she did when, during their residency, Jackson had taken her to a theme park with the sole intent of getting rid of his fear of roller coasters, and decided that they best way to do it was to go on the tallest and fastest one. It was exciting to finally be sitting on a rollercoaster this thrilling, but you wished you would've taken it one step at a time, instead of plunge head first into the scariest ride of your life.

She wonders if she should say anything to the baby. She's sat down countless times and talked to her sister's bellies addressing her nieces and nephews.

"I know it feels like mommy isn't acknowledging you, but I promise I am. I know you're there. I'm just really scared because I didn't plan to have you so soon, but I really am happy you're here. Me, and Jack- your daddy. Both of us."

She smiles down at the little child she's carrying, already feeling an immense sense of love towards this little human.

"Um, April."

"Yes?"

She quickly finds a silk nightgown she packed, and blushes deeply when she realizes that in her hurry, she had picked the one Jackson had gifted her not so long ago. She puts it on, and it falls just above below her thigh.

"Do you... um, you know you don't have to sleep in here, right?"

"Um, what?"

She walks up to the door, and opens it, looking questioningly at Jackson who seems to not have moved an inch since she closed the door on him.

He stares at her for a moment, letting his eyes roam over her. April blushes as if on cue, and tugs at the dress, hoping to make it a little longer. She knew, tetchily, what it meant whenever he looked at her like that. In any other circumstance, she'd probably be half way there by now, but tonight she wasn't in the mood. Okay, that was a lie. With him, she was always in the mood, but she didn't think she ought to be, considering how tiring the whole day was.

"Jackson, you were saying?"

"Hm? Oh yeah, sorry, I just-" He says, shaking his head and pointing towards her, before probably realizing he can't exactly tell her he was distracted by her. Not that she would've mind, "Um, I don't think you'd want to be alone tonight. I mean, heck, I don't want to be alone tonight. So, if you want to... you can just... sleep in my room?"

She wants to almost laugh at how unsure he sounds at her accepting the request. Before today, she'd be in his bed without him even having to ask, but now it felt different, even though she more or so had more of a right to share a bed with him than ever before. They were after all, in a way, engaged. And they would be married soon enough. This whole process of doing everything backwards was exhausting, April thought. It was confusing and she wished they could talk about the two of them in addition to talking about the baby. There were still so many doubts, and she was close to going mad any minute if they didn't get resolved.

But he looked tired and so was she, so maybe she'd have to leave it for tomorrow.

"Okay."

She smiles and he instantly lightens up, a lopsided grin she loves appearing on his face. She walks to his bedroom, and settles under the covers, and watches him do the same.

They lay there awkwardly for some time wondering how intimate they ought to be before Jackson comes up to her, and pulls her against his chest, dropping a kiss to her forehead. She snuggles into him, and for a second all the doubts etch away from her mind, because nothing about this feels wrong. It all feels so perfectly right.

"Goodnight, April."

"Goodnight, Jackson."

Jackson Avery couldn't find any sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He kept tossing and turning around, trying his hardest not to disturb April, who'd causally wandered to the other side of the bed. He wanted more than anything to turn around and hug her to him, but she needed her rest, and his restlessness would just keep her up as well.

He just couldn't believe it! A baby! They were having a baby! He was going to someone's father! The thought was slightly nauseating, and he started to feel the room begin to spin. There was a human being inside April's body, that would in 9 months, rely on him to take care of them, for the rest of their lives. It was the most frightening thing he'd ever experienced, and he had operated on a friend while a gun was pointed at him.

He turns his head to the right and sees April blissfully sleeping, although he could tell she was anything but blissful. She was stressed, and nervous, and scared and he knew that a complete breakdown was due any second now. He was just trying to delay it as much as possible by appearing as calm as he possibly could. How does she manage to look so beautiful even when she's doing something so stupidly mundane as sleeping. He'd recently taken to watching her. Not creepily or anything, but just whenever she was in the room or in his vicinity, his eyes would always follow her, and he'd feel this constant loud thumping in his heart, whenever she caught him watching. He'd never felt such an adrenaline rush before in his life, it was maddening.

She grunted slowly, turning her body to face him. He smiled at her, softly placing a stray curl, that was clearly annoying her in her sleep, since she twitched her nose at the feel of it, behind her ear.

He never thought he'd be a father. He was out of his mind scared about this. He'd never grown up with a good example of a dad, and so he'd always assumed that maybe kids weren't for him. Looks like life had other plans. He was going to mess up. There was no way he'd be able to dive into this head first and hope for the best. There was no way he'd be good at this. He sighs, tossing on his side once more. He wasn't ever sure he'd be married. His ex girlfriends hadn't come anywhere to the point where he'd even had to think about getting married. He'd probably make a shitty husband, who knew. If one were to go with the performances of Avery men in marriages, they didn't have the best track record. Divorce, cheating, alcoholism or legacy. It was a mess.

He woke up that day, intending to kick ass at some surgeries and take his... best friend home and make love to her. He definitely couldn't have predicted that he'd go home with his... fiancé? best friend who was carrying his child. The thing that baffled him the most, however, wasn't having to marry April, or having a baby that scared him, necessarily. Those two things, surprisingly, made him slightly giddy. It was the fear of failing the now two most important people in his life that was eating at him.

He sighed, knowing that the endless questions weren't going to solve anything. He looked at the clock reading 1 am, and closed his eyes. They had a long day ahead of them tomorrow, and the least he could so was try to get some sleep.

He'd notice her missing, when he'd woken up at around 3.30 am, and instinctively reached out for her, just to feel a blank space next to him. He'd taken a second to calmly walk around the house, yelling her name, progressively more panicky with each room that was empty. April had left the house. It was a little difficult for him to remain calm at this point, so he chose to the exact opposite; lose his shit. Then, however, having realized that there might be a perfectly good explanation for this, set about looking for her. He tried calling her, but the loud blaring of the ever inspirational Doubt by Mary J Blige indicated that she'd left it at home. She could have been paged, but a quick call to the hospital dispelled this theory. The other two options were that she'd woken up, and for whatever reason, gone to her apartment or, and he really hoped she hadn't done this, gone to visit Charles's and Reed's graves. Well, if that was the case, he'd use the 'I walked through a graveyard at 3.30 in the morning for you' card for years.

He runs down, and gets into his car, trying his best not to speed. He stops at a traffic light, one road down from his apartment complex, when a figure exiting a 24 hour department store catches his attention. If he hadn't known April for as long as he had, he might have driven by, and found her at neither spot he had in mind, called the cops and made tomorrow's headlines. Thankfully, he could spot his best friend from a mile away.

He quickly parks in the entirely abandoned car park, and walks determinedly towards April, getting angrier and angrier with each step.

"April!"

She stills, and turns around, looking downright shocked to see him.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, when he reaches her

"What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here? April, it's 3.30 in the morning! I woke up and found you gone, and panicked!" He yells at her, and she looks like a deer caught in headlight.

"I-I just wanted some ice cream."

"At 3.30 in the morning?! April, you can't just walk down the street at this time. It's dangerous. You're a pregnant woman, what the hell were you thinking?!" He is outraged, and frankly frightened.

"I just wanted to make a milkshake." She shrugs. The nerve!

"Then you wake me up! If you're having cravings, you wake me up so I can buy you a milkshake. You don't walk outside in the streets at this time, wearing a nightgown, and a jacket!" She hasn't even changed. It was a surprise he found her completely unharmed.

"Why are you yelling?! I just wanted a milkshake, and you're here just yelling at me."

Cue the crying.

He sighs, knowing her ultra-sensitive pregnancy hormones, wasn't holding her too well during this conversation.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Here, come here." He holds his hands out to her, and she wraps herself around him, crying into his chest. "I was just worried, okay? You can't do this, it's dangerous, April. I don't want either of you getting hurt. It's scary."

"How are you so okay with this?" She mumbles into his chest.

"What, the baby?" Obviously, not her late night excursions, since he'd made his stance on that really clear.

"Yes. How are you not scared? I love this baby, and y- um, I am happy, I really am, but I feel like we're in over our heads, Jackson! We don't even know what we are, and now we're getting married and bringing a baby into this. It's just-"

Cue the crying, once again.

He had been expecting this meltdown, so he'd been prepared. He just hadn't expected it to happen in the middle of an empty parking lot, at this time of the morning.

"I am scared, April. Believe me, I am. I don't know the first thing about being a dad… or a husband. I am so scared that I'm going to let you two down." He admits.

"No, you won't. I know you won't. You're going to be great." She says, determinedly.

"Look, I know this is too much, too soon. I get that. But we're going to be okay. We just have to… fake it 'till we make it! Act like we got this, until we actually do."

She studies him for a second, and nods.

"I wouldn't want to do with anyone else, April."

He'd definitely take care of the child if they decided to keep the baby, and help to co-parent, but he'd only marry a woman he knew he could love.

"Yeah?" Her eyes lit up, almost as if he'd said the exact thing she'd been wanting to hear all along.

"Remember those feelings I told you about?"

She nods, "I have them too."

He grins, wide, "Good."

"I am so glad it was you."

She stands on her tip toes, and kisses him, holding his face between her hands. When she pulls away, he leans back in, and pecks her lips once more.

"Come on. Let's get you two home, and I'll make you a milkshake." He puts his hand on her stomach, although there's no bump still visible, but there's something very grounding about the fact that his baby was in there. The baby, he and April made together.

"Hm, maybe I'll make the milkshake and you can help me drink it."

"Hey!"

She giggles, and takes his hand in hers as they walk towards the car. If this was what he had to expect when they were expecting, he was looking forward to it.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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