Chapter 25 - Emptiness

Howard and Leonard had arrived at Edwards AFB, a little two hours after leaving their wives, for a flight on an Air Force C-17 cargo aircraft to their training location. They watched as the aircrew briefed Major Martin on the cargo, that was loaded on the airplane, and then joined Martin in the back of the airplane, with the loadmasters and cargo. The cargo was what immediately caught their eye, much of the equipment that they had in their university basement work room, was there either boxed or on pallets. The university truck, they had used to transport and monitor Tin Man was even secured into the cargo area of the huge aircraft. There was also something that looked like a wide metal coffin, that was large enough to hold the suit, and Martin confirmed to them that was what it contained. The Army had gathered all their equipment over the weekend and it was all located on this plane, with the two men that developed and operated it.

Howard and Leonard sat, quietly talking to each other, in the back of the C-17 aircraft as it took off and headed east to San Antonio Texas and Randolph Air Force Base. It was a stopping off place for them, their training was going to take place at Fort Sam Houston, in San Antonio Texas. The takeoff went very smoothly, Leonard not getting motion sick even though he was riding in the almost windowless cargo hold of the aircraft. No sooner then they were in the air, they both were fed with in-flight boxed lunches, they both were given, and it even surprised them that they were both hungry. However after that first hour of activity was over, they both ended up just sitting quietly thinking, as the plane droned on to its destination, the trip expected to take only a few hours because of the jet aircraft they were riding in.

Howard's thoughts went immediately to Bernadette and the time he had with her this morning, he had never seen her like that before which worried him. If anything, Bernadette was the strong one in the family, she had helped him many times get over things, like his father being gone and the depression he felt after returning from space. So it was a shock that she had broken down so completely this morning with him, and he felt so selfish he had never realized how badly his leaving could affect her. She was his wife, his lover, the only woman he knew he wanted to spend his life with, and he had failed her, he couldn't keep that thought from his mind as he sat there, helpless to now comfort her.

Bernadette was everything to him, he had found, after marrying her, that he loved her more and more each day, she was truly his other half and he realized he had found his soul mate. He didn't really think he could go on if anything happened to her, and that thought weighed heavily on his heart, as he remembered her sad scared eyes, of this morning, those eyes were burnt into his memory. Howard made himself a promise, he was going to take better care of her from now on, he was going to be a better husband and he was not going to leave her again. He never wanted to see her in so much pain again and he was determined to devote his life to see that she never had to go through so much grief again.

Leonard keep thinking about Penny, his wife, 'HIS WIFE!', it was almost too incredible to believe, and he would be jumping for joy, if it wasn't for the wreck of a woman he had left behind, this morning. Leonard knew Penny's shields went down from that moment in the basement of the university to the moment he left her this morning, she had bared her soul to him and her feelings actually overwhelmed him. He knew he loved her, without reservation, but to hear how much she loved him, stunned him and made him unbelievably happy. He still couldn't believe that it was her idea to marry him so quickly and she had practically begged him to do it before he left, she would probably never understand how happy she made him feel in those moments.

However now he was concerned, she was right, he was responsible to her, she was his wife and he was responsible for her, he needed to make sure she was okay. That was the problem, she needed him right now, and the closeness they shared to comfort each other, was being denied them, she was alone. Penny had always been a person of emotion and the emotions she expressed to him this morning, tore at his heart, he had actually thought she might not let him go, he had never felt so loved by or worried about another person like that in his whole life. There wasn't much Leonard could do about it though, he would avoid anything dangerous, like she wanted, it was the least he could do for her, but otherwise he was helpless, he was a prisoner right now, the only bright thing about it was he would be released in a few weeks.

Leonard also made himself a promise, he would be the best husband Penny could every want, he would work at it every day and never let her down. He would put her dreams in front of his, because to tell the truth making her happy made him incredibly happy, more than any other dream he ever had. Leonard just wondered what he could do about his upset wife right now, leaving her like that was haunting him and he didn't think he could really concentrate on anything else till he talked to her again.

Leonard looked past Howard to Major Martin. "Major Martin, is there a way to call my wife? Can you use telephones on this plane?"

Howard immediately came alert, "Can we call our wives?" Howard looked at Martin with hope in his eyes.

Martin sighed, if he had to describe the look both men were giving him he would say it was desperation. "I don't know, but I will ask. Stay here and let me check." Martin then got up to walk up the ladder to the flight deck. Martin actually had a lot of authority right now, this whole mission was a Joint Chiefs of Staff directed mission and he was currently their direct representative on this flight, he actually had the authority of a Four Star General officer, so getting a couple telephone calls out was not going to be a big deal.

Howard's mind was racing, the thought of talking to Bernadette foremost in his mind, so he started to talk to Leonard to calm himself. "You think more about the woman you love, when you get married, notice that?"

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, things change, don't they. I always thought about Penny, but now it is different, there is a real bond."

Howard smiled, "Yeah it is sort of great to know someone cares about you that way, and you can care about them that way."

"Howard, I need to ask you something, the girls, when I was out there, why didn't you make them go?"

"They wouldn't leave." Howard then swallowed. "Penny said there was no way she was going, if you died, she couldn't live anymore, so would die with you." Howard watched as Leonard's eyes went wide in surprise. "Bernie said we needed to help you, that there were some things worth dying for and if I died she was not living without me." Howard couldn't keep the tear from falling down his cheek as he remembered her words.

When Major Martin talked it actually surprised them, they had never heard him walk back up. "Okay I can give you 10 minutes each, but I have to listen in so no security violations are made. Agreed?" Howard and Leonard both nodded.

Leonard thought for a minute, he needed to compose his thoughts before the talked to her. "Howard do you want to got first." His friend nodded.

A few minutes later, Howard and Major Martin were in the large roomy cockpit of the aircraft, both with headsets on, as the aircrew had the call passed through the radio to an operator for a ground line. However, Howard's good feeling at getting a chance to talk to his wife, was soon destroyed as her phone rang and rang with no answer. They tried three times with no results, each one making Howard worry more and more, and as they finally gave up, Howard took off the headset and quickly looked to Leonard.

"If you get in touch with Penny, I need you to have her check on Bernadette." Howard's eyes were begging him. Leonard just nodded.

Bernadette had cried herself asleep, she had wore herself out from her sobbing and that combined with not sleeping the night before, remaining awake the rest of the night after her dream woke her up, finally did her in. Her phone had woke her up, however she quickly put it out of her mind as she felt a slight pain in her hand and as she looked she could see the blood where she had squeezed her star necklace in her fist until the star had dug into her flesh. She looked at it with dull detachment, like it wasn't even her hand, she was beyond caring about herself, her only thoughts being about the welfare of her husband. She just stared at her hand, not really hearing her phone ringing through two more calls, her mind completely separated from the world around her.

Penny had been dropped off at the apartment building a little after 10 AM that morning, crying and falling into her bed just a few minutes later, now it was 3 PM and she was still there, the will to get up still not present in her. She had cried for hours and now she had no tears left to cry, her eyes were dry and itched, but still she couldn't move, she was unbelievably depressed right now. She had prayed more in the last couple of hours then she had ever in her life, first for Leonard to come back and then when she knew that wasn't happening, for him to be safe and return to her. She was so lonely, it actually physically hurt, and she didn't know how she was going to live feeling like that for weeks while he was gone. Her mind again brought up the images of his bruised body and how he flinched as she rubbed ointment on him, it tore at her heart and her pain started all over again as she cried, her dry eyes trying to squeeze out any moisture her body still had.

Penny ignored the ringing phone at first, not wanting to talk to anyone, but in the back of her mind, a thought came to her, 'What if it was Leonard?' and she pulled herself up to get her purse. Penny listen as the operator told her to standby for aircraft connection, then heard the most beautiful sound it the whole world, her husband's voice. Penny's first words spilled out her mouth without thought, they were the only thing she had been thinking about the last few hours. "I love you Sweetheart. I miss you so much." Penny tired hard to keep herself from crying and ruining the moment.

"I love you too, Honey and miss you very much. They let us call you both a few minutes to make sure you were okay. Honey are you okay?"

"I'm sorry Leonard, it just hurts. I feel so alone without you. Please forgive me. I don't want to make you upset."

Leonard's eyes were getting wet, he just wanted to take her into his arms right now. "Honey, I promise I will not do anything dangerous and I will come back to you. I promise. You know I keep my promises. Right?"

Penny was nodding, until she finally realized he couldn't see her, "Yes,….thank you my darling."

Major Martin felt ashamed to have to listen to these two people, who were obviously deeply in love. Some times he hated his job and this was one of those times.

Several seconds passed, both of them listening to their significant other just breathing, it was comforting to them both. "Penny, I want to do something to make this easier for you, while I am gone. Tell me what I can do and I will do it."

Again Penny spoke without thinking, "Tell them to turn your plane around and bring you home to me."

Leonard swallowed, he didn't know how to respond to that. Softly he spoke to her, "Honey, you know they won't do that."

Penny slowly nodded to herself, "I know Sweetheart, but you can't keep me from dreaming…Just contact or write me everyday, so I know you are okay and be so careful."

"I will, every day, I promise, I will send you something tonight, if I can get to a computer, okay."

"Okay."

Howard then touched Leonard's arm, which made him nod to his friend. "Penny can you do Howard a favor?"

"Sure, anything."

"Honey, he tried to call Bernadette before I called you and no one answers. Can you check up on her?"

"Yes, of course. I'll go to her apartment as soon as we are done talking."

Howard then whispered something to Leonard. "Penny, Howard says if no one answers the door, go to his mothers, she has a spare key, and then go in, he is really worried."

"Okay, I will do that."

"Great, thank you." Leonard nodded to Howard. He then talked to Penny for a few more minutes until Martin told him to wrap it up.

"Penny, if they let me, I am going to contact the University to get you on all my medical and stuff, since you are my wife now. You might have to go there with the marriage certificate later, okay."

Penny smiled, this simple mundane thing they had to do now, as husband and wife, made her actually feel really good inside. She really felt Leonard brought it up to bring some normalcy to all that was happening to them right now and she silently thanked him. It was just an everyday simple thing, newly married people did and it made her feel like everything would be okay. "I will Honey, just let me know when."

Leonard smiled, Penny's voice sounded more relaxed. "Well they are telling me I have to hang up. Sorry Honey. I love you and like I said before, I will come back to you, so please don't worry too much, okay."

Penny really hated he was hanging up, she could lay there just listening to him breathing for the rest of the night. "Okay….Sweetheart, I love you with all my heart and I will be waiting here for you here, for as long as it takes…..You take care of yourself, my darling."

It had been only a few minutes, but it seemed like hours, since he had hung up and Penny still stared at her phone, wishing it would ring again, but knowing it wouldn't. For a few minutes she wasn't alone, he was with her and even though she couldn't touch him, she felt that he had been close, it had made her feel so much better. However now the loneliness was starting to creep back on her and with it the depression of him not being there again. But she had made a promise to him and Howard, and she needed to keep that promise, because to tell you the truth, she was now worried about Bernadette too and needed to make sure she was okay. So Penny forced herself off he bed, went quickly to the bathroom to get ready and was out her door 10 minutes later, her car keys in her hand.